- Wait, you have a TV? - No, I just like to read the TV guide. Read the TV guide, you don't need a TV. (rock music) - Hello and welcome, it's Wednesday, which means it's time for an all new episode of TV Guidance Counselor. And my guest this week is Boston comedian Andrew Mayer. He is a weird dude. And we'll say, I say that it's a compliment. Andrew is currently kind of a local comedian. I think you will most likely hear of him very soon if you are not from the Boston area. He's very funny, he's a bear enthusiast. He's a weird kid. There's a lot of shows around the Boston area. He has a great Twitter and has a great social media presence. That's very fun if you do not have the means to see him in person, you can enjoy him online. But this is a fun discussion. We get into some weird chat here that is very appropriate for Andrew. And as always, you can email me at canandicandread.com if you have questions that will rise from this episode, which you will. So please enjoy this week's episode with Andrew Mayer and I will be back at the end to talk to you again. And you can ask me any questions you have then. I won't answer you, but you can feel free to ask them out loud. So this week's episode, Andrew Mayer, enjoy. ♪ Living inside of a little classroom ♪ ♪ Living inside of the tube ♪ ♪ Everyone's made out of little thin lines ♪ ♪ Sometimes they'll be good ♪ - Mr. Andrew Mayer, Andrew, hello. - Hello, thanks for having me. - Well, thanks for coming to my home for the second time. - Yeah, it is the second time. - I've applied Andrew with foreign cookies and beer for this podcast, so it's probably gonna get pretty crazy. - Yeah. - Yeah. So you've chosen a TV guide from June 9th through the 15th in 1990. - Yes. - Five-year-old Andrew? Four-year-old? - I was, yup, barely five. - Okay. And what drew you to this particular TV guide? - Well, the cover has the Ninja Turtles and the Simpsons and the little mermaid, I have less intrigued by the little mermaid than I am the other two. - But she has a seashell bra on. - That's true. - But that doesn't intrigue you. - I mean, she's got like a fish bottom. - Yeah, that's the thing I never really understood about mermaids, like there are people, especially sailors, which, you know, they're strange anyway, but that if someone mentions a mermaid, they're like, "Whoa." (laughs) I guess they have to just be strictly breast men because the bottom half of a fish being, even if the woman's bottom half wasn't a fish, I think if you had the bottom half of a large fish, like a tuna, in a room, while you were looking at boobs, I think it would ruin the boob. - It's just the presence, just knowing that there was the bottom half of a large fish. - Yeah, there's a bottom half of a large fish just in the room, and it's gonna be a turnoff. And if it's not, you should probably go to jail. - Yeah, oh, for sure. I've always wondered if there were mermaids that were reversed. - The top half of a fish in just lady legs? Would that be more acceptable? - I don't think so. I think it's worse that way. - What if it was the way it's worse? - Or again, I was like, "I'm a real leg man." (laughing) - Yeah, he just, "Oh man." But then she won't like, "How did they breathe?" - I don't know, well, they're mythical. So then it's not that much of an issue. Because I feel like if they were around, you would have an adult magazine called Surfin Turf. (laughing) I have to imagine. - Well, I'm just imagining that I was thinking, the way it went in my head was that I thought that a fish with legs wouldn't be able to breathe right, or it wouldn't be able to breathe out of-- - Well, there's a mud skipper. - I suppose. Yeah, that has a lot of-- - Which sounds like a racial slur. - Yes. - So this is almost like some sort of weird fan fiction where you have Bart Simpson, the Teenage Ninja Turtles, and the Little Mermaid all kind of hanging out together. I will say the Ninja Turtles in this drawing are pretty off model. - Yeah, they're drawn pretty poorly. - Yeah, so this issue is about America's new love affair with cartoons. They had a lot to fill, it was the summertime, so there wasn't a lot of new programs on. So let's start right off with Saturday night, what do you got, eight o'clock? - Eight o'clock, I am watching Mission Impossible. - Now, interesting thing about this Mission Impossible, this was the new Mission Impossible. - The specific episode. - Well, the specific episode, we'll read the description. Archaeological, in quotes, discoveries. Laura, a Cairo museum curator, suspected of killing Egyptian officials, hampering his efforts to revive ancient Egypt's glory. - Yeah, that sounds good for you. - Yeah, I've never seen an actual episode of Mission Impossible, old or new. - So this was the last episode to air of this series. It was very, very short-lived, and the interesting thing about this-- - Wait, the last episode? - Yeah, this is the last one that aired. Interesting thing about the show, though, there was a writer's strike in 1990, and so to get around it, they actually had a new Mission Impossible series that just remade scripts from the old Mission Impossible, which is pretty sleazy. - That's a little worse. - Yeah, isn't that just the scummiest thing you can imagine? - Yeah, I mean, the office did not do that for the first season, but it wasn't because of a writer's strike. It was just, they were just creatively bankrupt. - Yeah. - Yeah. And they were Americanizing it. But yeah, so that was this Mission Impossible, not very successful Mission Impossible. And you've never seen Mission-- have you seen the movies? - I've seen the movies, yeah. I will have seen up to, whatever, the third one, I think. - Are there three now? - I think there are more than three now. - I've never seen a Mission Impossible, and I really like John Wu. - Did he make this? - I think he did the second one. - Okay, the first one is my favorite one. - I can't, I find, I can't watch Tom Cruise. - Yeah. - Have a real problem with it. - You're not gonna like the Mission Impossible? - There's a lot of him on there. - Yeah, it's basically, he's the main character. Is he the star of the movie? - Oh yeah. - Well, that's not. He usually just plays a supporting role. (laughing) And so you would watch this, hoping it was like the movies. - Well, I've heard things about it. I mean, my dad talked about the old series. - Did you dare just go gather around, son. Let me tell you about Mission Impossible. - No, there was like a guy who fit in the suitcase, or was that the A-Team? - A guy who fit in a suitcase. - There was like a guy who was really strong, and then a guy who was really tiny, and they would like put the guy that was tiny in the suitcase, and then the big guy would carry him around. - I don't remember that, that sounds like misfits of science. - It could be the A-Team, I might have made it-- - That's definitely not the A-Team. I don't remember anyone ever being carried around in a suitcase. - Well, then it's Mission Impossible. - I think what the problem is, is your father might just be a lunatic. (laughing) There's a show with a guy in a suitcase, right? And anyway, the strong guy carried him around, I don't know how accurate that is when impression of his father. - It's a very accurate. - I don't remember your father, but I imagine him to speak like that. That doesn't, maybe it's the man from Uncle. That's what he's thinking. - It's Fat Albert. - Is it Fat Albert? It might be Fat Albert. - It's a very big suitcase. - The Fat Albert movie is the opposite of the Mission Impossible movie. (laughing) So I wouldn't have watched Mission Impossible. It was not a great series, the remake series. It was very 80s. - It was so long. - Yeah, the original was decent, but I definitely-- - How old is the original one? - I'll eat 60s or less than that. - Oh yeah, okay. So I have literally no idea of when any television, before I started watching television. - No, and when did you start watching television? - Well, I mean, I watched cartoons and stuff up until I was like, I don't know, 13, and then we got Ashley Cable. - So you were like, no more cartoons? - Well, I still watch, I still have enough. - Did your parents make a big deal out of you getting cable, were they like, guys, we're doing really well, we're getting cable? - No, it was mostly that in Athol, they didn't offer, there was no cable provider. - So that's in sort of rural western mass? - Yeah, it's this little like, it's like a valley of a town almost. It just dips down and then just back up as soon as the town ends. And so there was no, like-- - They didn't offer a cable? - Yeah, as far as I know, there was not a place to offer cable until I was a lot older than most of my-- - That's horrific. So but no one in your town had it then. - Yeah, I think some people might have really gone out of their way to get it, but-- - So did you get UHF stations from like Connecticut as well, where you were? - As far, we only had a television that got like 13 channels as ever. - Oh, that's true. - Like it was a, it still had a knob dial on it. - Yeah, what you just described sounds like when I would go on vacation to Maine with my parents and I would just be like, this TV has a dial, it only gets 13 stations, it's not right. It may also be that for the most part, I was only allowed to watch a limited number of stations. - Were your parents very overbearing with what you were allowed to watch and what you were allowed to listen to? - No, but they, well, as far as what I was allowed to watch, a lot of the time, if I was watching TV, I don't think they liked me watching TV in general. I think they would rather I would be doing something else that was more productive. - Like, well, that implies watching TV is not productive. Like what, like reading a book? - Reading or going outside. - Or reading outside? Were they ever like, why don't you go outside and read a book? - Could reading on your bed? I read a ton of them. - Well, it sounds to me like your parents were just trying to get rid of you so they could make out. - That might be true. - Do you think that was the case? - It could very well be. - So did you only have one TV? - We had, thinking about it now, we had a TV downstairs, sorry, I have banged the table. - Oh, that's all right. We had a TV downstairs that is still the same TV that we-- - Really? - It didn't have a lot of selection. - Which did you, so. - But then there was a TV upstairs. That was the knob TV. - Okay, so you had more options. You didn't have to all agree as a family I want to watch. - Well, that was what I was saying, is that as far as TV goes, when I would watch it, they would often be with other people and they would sort of decide what was-- - They made the choice. - What was stupid and what was not. - That is, that's terrible. Do you have an older sister? - I have a younger sister. - A younger sister. See, you, you outvoted her. - Yeah, yes, I would. And while it was whoever got there first, which generally was the rule. - So this was a tough call. - There was a lot of great stuff on this Saturday night. Now, normally at this time, I would have watched my two dads, but it was a repeat this week, which I already would have seen. I always watch cops. That's my fall back on Saturday night. But. - I always turned off cops. - You don't like cops? - Or do you mean just cops aren't horny around you? - Probably both. - Yeah. - Well, I would hope at least one of those things. - Yeah, I don't know. I actually can't say for sure about the second part. They might be. - I am like a cop salt peter. That's what you should civil salt peter. That should be your name. - A salt peter, that's. - They put it in the food in prison so the guys don't get boners. - Interesting. I know it's like old gunpowder. - Yeah, I guess. - It was like the first, like, ignition stuff. - It'd be funny if they were like, wow, these things, we can shoot people and also have an out of boner in six weeks. - It tastes delicious. - They taste really good. - That's ridiculous that they would essentially poison prisoners. - I mean, I don't know if that's ever been confirmed, but I've definitely heard that over the years. I've heard it referenced in that way. But, so Saturday Night USA Network had a thing called Saturday Nightmares, which I've talked about on the podcast before. They showed a horror movie from eight to 10 and then they showed Alfred Hitchcock Presents and The Hitchhiker from 10 to 11. This night they were showing a great movie called Zombie Nightmare starring John Michael Thor, who is a Canadian heavy metal singer who performed under the name Thor. He starred in this movie. I was written and directed by a young John Frasano who also directed the movie Rock and Roll Nightmare, which seems like a movie you definitely would love. - Okay. - Have you never seen Rock and Roll Nightmare? - No, I haven't. I haven't seen a lot of movies. - So, Zombie Nightmare is the first movie that John Michael Thor starred in with John Frasano. It's also Tia Correir's first movie who was in Wayne's World. - Okay. - And Adam West stars in it. And it was written to star in all black cast and be shot in a gun. - And the west showed up. - Well, the producer decided he didn't want that and hired all white people instead. So, it's about like Voodoo and Zombies. - But it's all white people. - Yeah, it's all white people in their name. Like, their name's like Lamont, Washington. - I really hope that Adam West has the Batman head on. - No, no, he does sort of have a Batman head. - He just wears the same mask, he put them in the rest of them as regular clothes like he's an actor. - That would only be funny if they painted flesh-colored makeup over the mask. - Yes. - Just like Cesar Romero's mustache. - Oh, that's way better. - So, this was straight for video, 1987. It was a great movie. Rock 'n' Roll Nightmare, which is in many ways sort of the sequel to this movie, is weirdly in my house, a New Year's Eve tradition. And every New Year's Eve, we watch Rock 'n' Roll Nightmare. - So, it's a sequel. Zombie, the Rock 'n' Roll Nightmare has zombies in it. - No. - Zombie Nightmare and Rock 'n' Roll Nightmare have nothing in common other than that. They both star John Michael Thor and that they were produced by John Fresano and have the word nightmare in the title. This gives Rock 'n' Roll, I mean, Zombie Nightmare only one star, sadly. And it says Zombie Nightmare, rape the reaper revenge. That's the entire, entire description for this movie. It says rape comma, the reaper comma revenge period. - Wait, I thought we were raping the reaper. - No, I don't think you want to rape the reaper, which I'm sure there's an 80s metal bitch. - Well, I know they say not to fear the reaper. - Well, I feel like the best way to do that is to rape the reaper. - That would show you weren't afraid. But I think if you were in a situation to rape the reaper, you probably would have had Salt Peter put in your film. (laughing) He's your summit. But what a description. I would like to meet the man at TV Guide who wrote the description of this film and he's like, pfft, I can get this in three words. - But all that gives it one star. - One star. - Yes, trail in one star. - One star. So that's what I definitely would have gone with at eight this night. However, I also want to mention that MTV was showing a Janet Jackson rhythm nation special, which I would have been torn by. - Yeah, I saw that. - But, MTV reared everything so much you could have seen at any time that night. - Yeah, I would have just claimed this right away and said that I didn't actually read any of the descriptions of things. I just went based on the titles on the grid. - You used TV Guide Wrong. - Okay. - You didn't utilize all the information that was in this TV, TV Guide is just a plethora of information that you would know. - Yeah, I'm really thinking about it now like given that we have the TV Guide channel, like the idea that they publish this book every week for a moment. - It still comes out. - Oh, do they still do? I thought they only recently stopped doing it. - No, it was bought by a new company in the year 2005 and then it's sort of became, it's not this digest style anymore, it's sort of more like a B-level entertainment weekly at this point, but it does have TV listings in it. - Okay. - And you'd never really used a TV Guide. - No. - How did you know it was on TV? Did you just flip? - Yeah, yeah. - Wow, that's bold. - That was a real wildcard when I was five. - Yeah, so you picked a one hour show so you didn't have to pick anything at 8.30 so you missed amen and you missed totally hidden video which was a very bad prank show on Fox. And in this particular episode, there is a woman sees her car run over by a tank and a rotating salad bar moves too fast. - Well, that's comedy gold right there. - I actually really think the rotating salad bar sounds kind of funny, which people like shuffling. - I could get my lettuce. - Just like shuffling, trying to chase it. - Yeah. Well, you definitely would have been the audience for that then. - All over that show. - So you picked a one hour show so you get 9 o'clock, I'm still watching zombie nightmare but what do you go with at 9 o'clock? - 9 o'clock, I went with Beauty and the Beast. - Really? - Kind of a chick shell. - Okay. - Was remade this year, not very good. - I just did it with the titles. - You just went with the title. So this was the return of Beauty and the Beast. This was season two. It's their Linda Hamilton from The Terminator movies. - Okay. - So you already, it's funnier than you said. - Ron Perlman plays the Beast of Hellboy fame. The Beast is back in a repeat of the series pilot in which Catherine is first taken to the tunnels by Vincent after she's been brutally attacked and he aids her again after she joins the DA's office and takes on a hairy kiss. - Whoa, okay. - Yeah. - I was gonna ask you as you were describing that if it was just a redo of the Disney movie, just like expanded that story. - Oh no, no, no. - Very different. - But then it turns out that there is a, she's also a lawyer. - Yeah, this was a one hour action adventure romance series about deformed beast-like creatures that lived in the sewers. So much like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. He falls in love with Linda Hamilton after she's being attacked, saves her, takes her to the tunnels, they fall in love and then she's a DA and he helps herself cases. - Okay, is he horrific looking? - He looks like a lion. He looks like Ron Perlman. - Okay. - Yes, Ron, if you combined Ron Perlman with Michael Bolton, you would get an accurate portrayal of the Beast from Beauty and the Beast. It was a very popular show, weirdly. - Okay, on a Saturday night. A Saturday night, a romance with Beast and woman, nine o'clock on a Saturday night. See, as I said, I still would have been watching Zombie Nightmare, which was a much better show, but Golden Girls was on, which I do want to mention as that was an excellent show, usually a good move. And at nine 30, the Tracy Elman show was on, which is always entertaining. - Okay. - So let's move on to Sunday night. - Sunday night. - The Lord's Night. What have you chosen? - Eight o'clock funniest videos. - Merik's funny song videos. So you were in the, there's a great debate about Sunday nights at eight o'clock, which I don't know if you were privy to or not in your school of in living color versus America's funny song videos. - I'll tell you now, I've never seen an episode of in living color. - Good man. It was not the best sketch show, but some people really enjoyed it. - Yeah, I've seen like sketches people have sent me. - It was okay at the time, but I think America's funny song videos really holds up a lot better. - Oh man, it's on Netflix now. - Yes, I will say this. It was kind of funny that at this point, America's most wanted and America's funny song videos were up against each other on the two things. So in living color wasn't on at this time, but America's funny song videos was. I'll read you the description for America's funny song videos because I think it's important that they included this in case anyone was on the fence about watching it. A trio of tapes from California, a horse decides to get rid of its rider. A piggyback ride turns into a hair-raising adventure, and a model airplane. - And when they fall off, okay. - Well, this one you're not gonna see coming. A model airplane makes an unscheduled landing. Perfect, absolutely watching that. - I wanna meet the person who schedules their model plane landing. - Well, have you ever made a model plane? - Yeah. - Did you never schedule the landing? - Well, I scheduled the take offs, but never the landing. - We just never got him back, we just gone. And 8.30, what do you got? - 8.30, I'm watching The Simpsons. I think that's correct, there really was no other options aside from "Be Witched" on Nickelodeon, which although a great show, which we'll get to your dislike of in a moment, success, this was the today, it moved from Thursdays to Sundays at this point, was the classic move. What's your problem with "Be Witched"? - I don't even really think I have one so much as it was just, I was five years old when they kept trying to show it on Nickelodeon, which was one of the channels I was always definitely allowed to watch. - So once Nick switched to Nick at night at eight o'clock, it was sort of the signal that you had to go to bed or that the change program was over, so you blamed "Be Witched" for this? - Maybe, even as I got older though, and I started getting into some things on Nick and Knight, but never "Be Witched". - What did you get into? - I started looking at "I Love Lucy" and "Taxi". I liked a lot. - Very different shows, "Taxi". - Yes, very different. - "Be Witched" is a much better show than "I Love Lucy" in my house. - Okay. - "Be Witched" is great. - Love Elizabeth Montgomery, she has that weird 1960s actress speak that Raquel Welch and Mary Tyler Moore also do, where it's like mid-Atlantic accent. - Okay. - It'll be like, "Darrin", it's not an English accent, but it's not quite American. - I thought you meant the thing from older like '50s and '60s movies where the girl just goes, "Oh, hello, I'll be the love interest in this." Like just the way that she says everything. - Oh, sort of breathiness? - Yeah. - Yeah, the opposite of Salt Peter. - No, no, she just has that sort of weird Raquel Welch, Mary Tyler Moore accent that I don't really understand. I think they must have all been taught by the same teachers. But I love "Be Witched", it was a great show. It was always on during the day in a syndicated block with "Be Witched" and "I Dream of Jeannie". That was always sort of the, if you were a homesick from school, you had a good hour of "Be Witched" and "I Dream of Jeannie" was always on. And then "Monsters" and "Adam's Family", it was also paired up together. But maybe you should re-watch it. - You might be right. - Yeah, it's good show. That's funny, I love Agnes Morehead, who plays her mother and Dora, who's from Boston. I always mention when people were from Boston on this podcast for no apparent reason and nobody's interested. - You say that outside the podcast. - Don't I always mention that? Why do I do that? Because I have no pride in being from here at all would feel the need to mention when someone's from here. - Yeah, who's the guy with the Boston accent in the movie that takes away all the scariest? - The movie that takes away the scariest. - There's a guy, oh no, I'll tell you what it is. Now that I remember, it's the guy from, it's the lion from, or no Tin Man from "The Wizard of Boston". - Oh yeah, the Tin Man from "The Wizard of Boston". - And everyone is from Boston. - Yeah, the Tin Man is definitely, he has a great autobiography, which I have up here on my wall of celebrity autobiographies. And he grew up in Inman Square. And yeah, it's very, there's a chapter just called, "Uncle Pat". I mean, "Uncle Pat" would go to Revere Beach. Oh, "Uncle Pat". - Yeah, I love the Tin Man's Boston accent, it's one of my favorite things in there. - Yeah, but that's what I remember, specifically, is you mix things up with Boston for some reason. - My arms, it's, you go down that hall and you can't stop doing it, it's just such a fun accent, because it's an old man, it's a classic Boston accent. If "New Coke" is what we hear now, Coca-Cola classic is the Tin Man's Boston accent too. So yeah, so be which you should revisit. Nine o'clock, what do you got? - Nine o'clock, I'm watching the last hour of championship ballroom dancing. - Excuse me? - It went from eight to 10, I believe. - Championship ballroom dancing, what drew you? To championship ballroom dancing. - I kinda figured the title would be enough to have an explanation. - This is the ninth annual competition taped in Columbus, Ohio. Dancers are observed competing in the international, modern, and Latin categories. That sounds interesting, do you watch "Dancing with the Stars"? - No, no, I just, I don't know, take a world on the hour of ballroom dancing. It's the last hour, so you get to see who wins anyway. - Have you ever been ballroom dancing? - No. - Okay, you passed up gremlins. - It was gonna be the first hour at gremlins though. - Yeah, you passed up nature, which would have been better, it's about owls. - I did see nature and almost just pick it based on better was nature. - And married with children, these are all things that you passed up by watching the last hour of ballroom dancing, but Andrew Mayer, you know, I'm not gonna judge you for that. - Even though I have been for the last few minutes. - It's literally what you just did. - Monday night, the saddest night of the week, as you've gone back to school, you need something to take you away and distract you from the world being a horrible place. What do you go with, eight o'clock Monday? - Eight o'clock, a MacGyver. - Have you watched MacGyver before? - What'd you get in, I've never seen an episode of-- - You've never seen MacGyver? - That's true. - It's a wonderfully awful show, and it's crazy. Like, MacGyver's the kind of show that makes me wish I was 15 years older than I am so that I could have written for television in the 80s and just been like-- - Made MacGyver. - Just made MacGyver. No, not even made it better. Just been like, I can write, you know what? They're not even paying attention. I'm just gonna have the crazies. You know what? He moves to an Amish village and like, which happened in about three episodes. This particular episode, MacGyver reaches out to a promising high school student as part of a Phoenix mentor program, but he butts heads with a cynical teacher and the youth's no-nonsense father. The Phoenix Corporation was the company that MacGyver worked for. - Okay. - They never really said what they were or what his job was. Or his first or last name was MacGyver. You never really knew that. - I always thought it was his full name. - Mac's first name, MacGyver. - Yeah, MacGyver. - MacGyver. There was a Japanese cartoon in a movie called TheGyver, which was, I always imagined someone rented thinking it was somehow related to MacGyver, but it's actually a guy who turns into an alien that fights monsters. - So it was half guy, half made up, then called over. - Half, half were. The U.S. movie starred Mark Hamill from Star Wars. And the special effects, I remember, were by a guy who was a very little-loved 80 special effects guy named Screaming Mad George, who was Japanese guy. - Oh, what was the name of, oh, when we went to LA, me and my girlfriend went to LA, and we're on The Walk of Fame. - Wait a slightly put you have a girlfriend in there, because by this point in the podcast, there were tons of girls googling Andrew Mayer. - Yeah. - And printing out pictures to put in their lockers, but now they've crumpled them up, as he's mentioned he has a girlfriend. - Okay, that stopped people from putting pictures in lockers before, right? - Yeah. - Oh, that has to still happen. The idea that that still happens right now. - I bet there's like a locker poster app that teenage tweens use now. - There's a hand here, I thought it was virtual locker that you could put a poster in there. - That's probably true. - Yeah. - I do have a virtual newsstand app on my iPhone that is required to be on there. - Did you have anything up in your locker, like any decorations in high school? - I, no, I didn't even, like it wasn't clean. It was just, I would throw papers, and by the end of the year, they would just be like foot and a half tall layer of just paper sediment. - Just making me sense, why didn't you utilize your locker in the way it was intended? - I would use it just as a place to hold my bag and coat. - I still have nightmares that I have to go back to high school when I forgot my locker combination. That I had that dream probably every week. I remember the girl that had their locker next to me was very, very short. She was a cute girl, was very short. She was, I think, they mixed us for classes, so I think she was a couple years younger than me, and constantly my books would fall out of the locker and hit her on the head. Probably 30 to 40 times that happened. - That went different than how I thought it was good. - Yeah, to the point where she had to think it wasn't an accident anymore. - Yeah, I was gonna say that I thought you were dropping your books out of your locker for some slide around me. - For a meat cue? - No, I was just klutzy, and they were heavy. - But then the music sheet doesn't happen when you give her brain damage. - Oh yeah, she definitely received some sort of traumatic brain injury from my physics book, ironically. Oh biology, I still feel bad about this to this day. It's a real shame. - But we saw, when we were in the locker family, we saw someone with a star on the locker family named Spanky McFarland. - Yes, Spanky McFarland. - Okay. - You don't know what Spanky is? - Nope. - Do you ever see The Little Rascals? - Nope. - Have you heard of The Little Rascals? - Yes. - Our gang, Spanky, was from The Little Rascals. He was the fat kid. - But, okay. - That's his actual name? - Yeah, well his parents didn't name him Spanky. Mitt Romney's first name isn't Mitt. - Ah, fine. - It was a nickname. - This is way less fun. - Yeah, no. - I'm gonna start it by. - I don't think he was named Spanky. Did I ruin your vacation? - Oh yeah, that might have been the whole thing. - Did you and your girlfriend just break up? (laughing) - Pictures go back up on lockers. - Yeah, put them, put them in your mirror, pin up, back up in the lockers. So that's what we're doing today. Now, I didn't really watch MacGyver that much when it was first on. I did watch it in reruns, and I do watch it now because it's pretty entertaining. I probably would have gone with Major Dad here, which wasn't a great show, but for some reason, watch. But, this is the beginning of the summer, and this is when networks used to burn off pilots that weren't picked up. So they don't do this now so much, but they would air everything that was, they paid for to have made, but they didn't pick up for serious so that they wouldn't lose the money. And this night, there was a pilot that they didn't pick up for series that was airing called Where's Rodney? And they even say, normally they wouldn't say this is an unsold pilot, but TV Guide mentioned it here, they say, in this unsold pilot, Rodney Dangerfield finally may get some respect as a role model and guide for a teenage boy struggling his way through adolescence. How could that possibly not have been picked up? - Oh man, yeah, the idea that he's like the cool, like, you know the cool guy. - He's the cool guy. - Who crashed over a dead man's car, and I was teaching the kid how to be cool. - Oh yeah, yeah. - But "Heavenly Kid" - Rodney Dangerfield, "Heavenly Kid" - And he's alive. - So you've seen the movie, "The Heavenly Kid"? - Maybe. I saw a movie that had that premise and never heard the title. - "Heavenly Kid" is probably the one. It was on HBO a lot. - Okay. - In 1985, I believe. So I definitely would have watched that just 'cause when are you gonna get to watch that again? And there was also a show on that I don't remember called Ethics in America. And it says, "Explored, problems surrounding murder." As if we need a television series to discuss the problems. - Here are all the things that I don't like about murder. - "Surrounding Murder." So at-- - It's messy. - 8.30, what'd you go with? - 8.30. - Oh, nothing. You picked an Hollywood show. - Yeah. I would have gone with "The Hogan Family." It was in the death throes of this show and "The Sandy Dunkin' Era." I would have sat there and watched it and just fumed the whole time 'cause I hate Sandy Dunkin' so much. Nine o'clock, what'd you go with? - I am watching "Water Skiing." - "Water Skiing." - So you like sports then? - I do like sports more than you anyway. - Well, that's not hard to do, Andrew Mayer. - Yeah, I like a good skill, I like a good sport. - Is "Water Skiing" a skill? - Well, we'll see how good these people are at "Water Skiing." - This is a pro competition taped May 6th at Orlando, Florida. So it was taped a month previously. So probably in "Water Skiing," monthly, they already would have told you who won. - Yeah, it was spoiled. - You're reading that at your dentist's office. "Water Ski," would you sit and watch "Water Skiing" now? - I've watched "Stranger Sports" before. - What's the weirdest sport you've ever watched on TV and in person? - Oh, man. - Okay. - So you play ultimate Frisbee? - I play ultimate Frisbee weekly. - Do you, were you a hackysack kid? - No. - The hackysack kid sounds like a really weird gang. - It seems like the name of like a gangster, but like, or at the very least like a serial killer. - Yeah, well, you could be both. - Yeah. - Many were. - Yes. - Oh, for sure. - But I always pictured you and I mean no offense by this as a real piece of shit. No, I'm just kidding. I always pictured you as someone into like those devil sticks or like juggle them. - Oh, I'm really into both those things. - Are you really? - Yeah. - Okay, all right, so I was correct with that. - Oh, I have watched "Competitive Juggling" on TV before. I don't know if that is the weirdest thing. - That's strange. Or like, I think I've seen like Yo-Yo things before. - They've probably aired one on ESPN here. - I just pictured your girlfriend talking to her friends and being like, well, he's into Yo-Yo things. I don't wanna accuse you of that, but that was the little scene that played out in my head. The weirdest sport I ever saw on ESPN was "Competitive Magic the Gathering." - Okay. - I think it might've been on ESPN too. - Yeah, that makes more sense. - So that's the weirdest when you watched on TV. What's the weirdest one you saw in person? - In person, what is it? I've never seen Quidditch. - I've never seen Quidditch. - Okay, well, she's in a sport. - Yeah. Oh man, I don't know, I play Ultimate Frisbee all the time. - Yeah, that's pretty weird. - Do any girls go there? - I mean, there's a gender ratio as far as the teams go. No one goes to watch. - So you don't have cheerleaders or any sort of people? - We don't have audience, it's just-- - You buy design or just that's how it is. - I think it is just kind of how it is. It's a recreational league. - So I mean, were you ever in an adult kickball league? - No. - What about an adult dodgeball league? - I have played trampoline dodgeball before. - Trampoline, all right, Andrew Mayer. Now when I asked you, what's the weirdest sport? I can assure you that trampoline dodgeball is a stranger sport than Ultimate Frisbee. - All right, okay. - Trampoline dodgeball, anything on a trampoline is gonna be weird. - Yeah. - There's nothing normal happening on trampolines. - Okay, yeah, both, you just made me think of a different game that I've played that is also on a trampoline and very strange. - Are you into yo-yo things? What is this different? - The other one is it's trampoline basketball, but it is basically there's a, it's like a two person trampoline. It's like a long, and there's-- - There's a two, okay. - It's like very, very narrow, but long. - Is it anything like wheelchair basketball? - It's the exact same thing on trampolines. - Okay, no, there's like a big dividing wall in between the trampoline space. - Okay. - And there's a hoop behind each person. You have to shoot over the other person into their hoop and they have to try to go attend it the whole time. - You have a lot of free time. I have a lot of fun. I don't know what I'm just saying. 'Cause I don't really consider you like a physical guy. - Yeah, I'm a surprisingly sporty person. - Did you roller skate at roller read this year? - I did. - Yeah, I have a birthday party every year for people that don't know called roller read on which I rent out a roller rink for a party for just my friends. - That was my first one. I had never been able, like I had never known you well enough to go. - To go to roller read. And have you, and only quads? You're not allowed to have blades. But had you had your roller skated frequently before? - Okay, I had roller bladed a bunch. I think I had roller skates at the-- - At roller read? - At roller read? - Yeah, everybody had quads. - Oh yeah, 'cause it is more expensive. - Yeah, I purposely asked them to make, I paid for everyone's roller skate rental as what I do for the roller read. But if you want blades, you gotta pay. It's like a tax, it's like a tariff on roller blades. - Yeah. - Try to discourage it, yeah. - Yeah, so I was more into, 'cause I used both, but I have used roller blades more, but I was more into saving a dollar. - Could you come up, I figured my friends would be more into that. Could you come up with a weird sport to do on roller skates? That would be enhanced by the roller skate aspect? - You could joust. - Roller joust. - Yeah. - That would just happen. - Okay. - We're gonna drop roller jousts. - There's a rail and then you have like, probably something, a foam. - Well, foam. - Okay, it's metal. - Yeah, it's a roller joust. Oh, I thought you might play the arcade game joust while on roller skates. (laughing) That'd be pretty hard. - You need foam. - Yeah, foam would be very strange, like a foam party. So I would have gone with Murphy Brown at eight o'clock because I had taste. And then at eight thirty designing women, which was one of my favorite shows of all time. As people know, this was the last series of this show with the original cast, although Delta Burke was soon to leave. And then at nine thirty, absolutely new heart, no question about it. One of the best shows ever. - Okay. - But you're watching. - It's water skiing. - Fantastic. Tuesday eight o'clock. - I couldn't decide if this scenario was that I get to now go back in time and watch the programming from there. You could really do either. I mean. - Or if it is me as a child with the knowledge. - Oh, you're a very child-like with the knowledge you have now. (laughing) So I think you could have a hybrid of the two. You're like a roller joust of a person. - Oh, thanks. - You're welcome. - It might be the nice sign I answered about me. - Let's, have you ever seen any of the roller skating movies like Roller Boogie or Roller Derby or Murder Ball? Prayer of the Roller Boys. Murder Ball's about wheelchair basketball. - Oh, right. - This is the one with LL Cool J in it. - A roller skating movie with LL Cool J. - Is it Roller Ball? - Oh, there was a remake of Roller Ball. Yeah, there was. - I just for a second thought you thought wheelchair for just big roller skates. - You know, I keep thinking of what you say that if I've ever seen any roller skating movies is for one of reasons, The Running Man, which literally explains the title that there's no one. - No, sub-zeros on skates. - Oh yeah, that's right, one of those. - But they're ice skates, aren't they? - They are. - Yeah, The Running Man's a great movie. - Yes. - Probably the best on our Schwarzenegger movie. - They'll be right. - Yeah, I think we could. - Better kindergarten cop. - Yeah, maybe. So we're at Tuesday eight o'clock, what do you go with? - I'm wondering Star Trek at Tuesday. - Star Trek, original, is it original series or? Yes it is. - Oh, it's original series, I'm disappointed. - This is original series. - So Robert Lansing appears as Gary Seven, a human messiah trained by aliens to save mankind from itself. - So you don't like original series? - I don't like it as much as next generation anyway. Next generation was a huge part of my childhood. - Here's a weird thing I've noticed, so the more people I've had on this show, the more two things have come up that surprises me. One, almost everyone universally watched a ton of Star Trek the next generation. - I'm gonna show you something on my phone. - Okay, he's showing me something on his phone. Oh, it's weird, it's a picture of him doing yo-yo stuff. So that's the first thing, and the second thing is people liked MTV Sports, which I wish I'm not that into, but I wasn't that into sci-fi as a kid, I was a big horror movie person, and I sort of liked the 60s-ness of the original Star Trek. Also original Star Trek, way hotter women. - Okay, let's see what he showed me here. - It's me, okay, Halloween. - Andrew will have to send me this picture and will include it on the Tumblr page, but it's him dressed as Jordy LaForge with white skin, though, he has a lot to do for it. And then what I presume is his sister dressed as a bride. So how many years did you dress in this costume? - Oh, just one. - Was that homemade or store-bought? - It was homemade, my mom did a great job making a-- - How did she make the Jordy LaForge visor? - She took two, like the barracks with teeth, she overlapped them and one was gold and one was black. - Could you see? - Yeah, you could see through it. - Wow. - Even if you look close, you can see my eyes a little bit. - Your mother should have gone into costume design. - Yeah, she was really good at it. - Did people, so this was an air, Massachusetts. - This is an Athol. - Athol, sorry. And I have to imagine that the people's houses you went to were like, "Oh, what the fuck are you?" No one was like, "Look at you!" "Did anyone know what you were?" - Yeah, people did now. Some people, anyway, the other people were just like, "Look, a bride." - And our buddy. - Interesting. - Did you get a lot of candy that year? - I probably did. We lived in a residential area where it was easy to-- - Oh, it wasn't a commercial zone? - Yeah, it wasn't one of those industrial parks. - Yeah, I did your parents like hang on to the candy and dole it out to you one piece of it. - No, no, no. - Oh, they just let you go for it. - Or let us go. - They would check everything for blades but-- - Which is ridiculous because there hasn't been a single case of anyone being poisoned or injured by Halloween candy ever. - Yeah, I can't think of, yeah. - It's never happened. - I would never do that. - Never happened. - So I was gonna say that someone else in the grade where I wore that costume, someone else also dressed as Jordan LaForge. - So why did you order my forge? Why not Picard or-- - Well, it was my favorite one, I think 'cause of the eye thing. - 'Cause of the eye thing. - Yeah. - 'Cause I would peg you as more of a data. - Okay, yeah, well, I always dug data. You're a data digger. - I'm a data digger. - So you may change your answer because you didn't like original series, which is a little weird. - Well, I don't like it as much but I would still watch it. - I would have gone with either Rescue 911, which, speaking of Shatner. So there were two Shatner shows on at the same time here. - I have Rescue 911. - Great show, great show. I could endlessly watch reenactments of real 911 phone calls with reenactments of people being injured on Rescue 911. This episode has, and I like that they say scheduled, just in case if you're like, "These weren't all on there!" Something changed. A funny car driver who crashed at high speed, a police helicopter that used an infrared device to track an alleged burglar and an elderly couple lost at sea. That's a fun show. - So wait, those elderly couple don't lost at sea but could call 911? - Somebody called 911, I don't know. However, who's the boss, which I watch every week despite hitting Tony Dansa. This is one of my favorite episodes. - Oh yeah, I did, I meant to watch, I figured I would be able to watch an episode of who's the boss at some point. - This episode is probably one of the best episodes of who's the boss. Tony begins to feel squeezed out of the friendship when Jonathan becomes Polka pals with his new accordion teacher. Amazing. Can you get a better episode than that? - Nope, nope. - I was obsessed with the accordion as a teenager and my son-- - Yeah, you're right, I'm the weird one. - Yeah, I always, I wanted a day of girl to play the accordion. - For like a double sticks. - Yeah, normally accordion sticks. You ever go on stilts? You seem like a guy who'd get on stilts. - Nope, nope. - Yeah, you don't think that a dead moon boots, you don't think that a hot girl playing the accordion is kind of cool? - Yeah, no. I mean, well, it's important that you will never find that. - I beg to differ, you need to look up Molly B. - Okay. - She has a show on American Life Network. Molly B, I like her on Facebook. You can like Molly B. She's a super Christian polka artist who is a blonde. Molly B, look her up. - All right, polka artist, Molly B. I had a Pogo ball, I was a big fan of Pogo ball. - Sure, I'll remember those. - Yeah, Pogo ball. - They didn't even have a stick to it too. It was just a ball, it looked like Saturn, yeah. - Pogo ball and Skippet were big at the same year. - I definitely have Skippet. - Well, the very best thing of all is there's a counter on this ball and you can try to beach your very best score and then see if you can skip a whole lot more. - And then eventually I would just cheat. - You would cheat at Skippet? - Well, I would just, yeah. - Well, it only went up so high. - You just admitted to all of my listeners. - Right. - That you cheated. - I'd get us on Skippet. - The story was gonna get uneventually, I figured I'd come out. - Well, there goes your political career. So, 8.30, you missed out on the Wonder Years, which is pretty appalling that you chose Star Trek over the Wonder Years. And you also missed out on this old house, which this episode is great, concrete is poured in the basement. That's the episode you missed. - What's, okay. I feel like we're gonna fight a lot about shows because the Wonder Years I'd never enjoyed. I don't know. - What's your problem with it? Was you just hate the '60s? - I think I just didn't like the things that I grew up with that I have a real affinity for that I will still watch. I really liked a good like corny laugh tracks sitcom. - Yeah? - So did I, but I also liked other things. - And then that was corny laugh tracks sitcom. - I can always go back to Spin City, but like-- - Hold on. - On Michael J. Fox 5. - Spin City is in no way a corny laugh tracks sitcom. - It's just a good laugh track sitcom. - It doesn't have a laugh track, it had a live audience. - Oh, well, okay, fine. - There's a big difference. - Fair enough, but I can't really tell the difference. - Spin City was a very smart show. It was one of the best sitcoms of the 90s. - I think it's like a good, well-written sitcom where people laugh. - You like hearing laughter. - I think I do. - So stuff that didn't have laughter bothered you and you wouldn't watch it. - Maybe when I was younger, maybe that's why I thought that like the wonder years was so boring and that the wish was, the wish to have people laughing at it. - But wish has a laugh track because that was shot on film and did have a laugh track. But Spin City News Radio, those other 90s shows, three camera sitcoms all had a live audience. - Yeah, well, like Spin City and like even Darmin Gregg and two guys a girl in a pizza place. - Oh, those are bad shows. Now, Darmin Gregg, I used to watch 'cause I had a thing for Jenna Elfman. - Yeah. - Two guys a girl in a pizza place took place in Somerville. Somerville, Massachusetts. It was supposed to be in Ball Square. It was a Boston show, awful. - Oh, so good. - It was an awful show. - Ryan Reynolds was the first thing. - No, it wasn't. - Fair enough. - He was on the Nickelodeon soap opera, "15" prior to that. Did you already used to watch that? Oh, it is gloriously awful. It is one of the worst, most entertaining things I've ever seen. "15", you never hear it come up because nobody has any sort of love for it. So you thought "Wonder Years" was boring. - I think I got bored by it, yeah. - Was too complex for your tiny mind. - Maybe. - It was very positive. - Not enough juggling and water skiing. Have you re-watched it as an adult? - I haven't. - Well, they just announced that the DVDs are coming out soon. - Okay. - There are of them when I buy them. I'll probably buy two sets. - Oh, and even like "Boy Meets World" I really do. - I love you. - Yeah, "Boy Meets World" is, the first two seasons are okay, but it's definitely the inferior Arnold, inferior Savage Brother show. - Yeah, okay. - Do you ever see "Little Monsters" with both savages? - No. - You should read it. - There was an episode of "Boy Meets World" with both savages. - That's bullshit. So, nine o'clock, what'd you go with? - Nine o'clock. Oh, after starting, I'm watching the NBA Finals game four. - Ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh. - Who was in the NBA Finals game? - I don't even know. - And you're just watching, you're passing up "Roseanne." - I don't like "Roseanne." I will say. - Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on a second. (laughing) How can you not like "Roseanne?" - I never liked that show, but again, I think that might be, this, I mean, it wasn't the last thing, but it was, I think my parents might have dictated that I couldn't watch that show, and I might have just decided that they didn't like it, and therefore, I didn't like it. - So you only like things that your parents liked? - That's not entirely true. - What's your favorite music, favorite band? - The Beatles? - No, no, that's not true. - I was just saying that 'cause that's my dad's favorite band. - Yeah, I kind of figured that. - Yeah, you've met my dad beforehand. And you did the impression of my boy. - That's right, yeah. - I love the Beatles. (laughing) It's my son Andrew. Call me Mr. Meya, that's my father's name. Perfect. I mean, you're like, if people were just listening to this, so like, did Andrew's dad just walk into the room? - Roseanne's one of the best written sitcoms of all time. - Yeah, I've only seen limited episodes of it. - Joss Whedon, Jod Apatow, both writers for Roseanne. - Oh, okay, all right. You need to watch them. - There's a lot of things that definitely need a second chance that I just haven't given them to. - Yeah, yeah, a lot better than the NBA finals or whatever. - It's the finals. - Who cares? It's the same exact one. - There's no stakes. - They might not even be a game five necessarily. - There's no stakes. - There's later on in a split game. - There's later on in a split game. - If necessary in the TV games. - There's no difference between any, they call it a championship game. It's the same as the first game in the year. There's no difference in games. - No, it's very different. - There's no difference between games. You also passed up the David Mamet movie House of Games, which was co-written by Jonathan Katz. Fantastic comedian, Jonathan Katz. What a great movie. I think it was David Mamet's first movie. It's a great movie. You ever see your David Mamet fan? - I don't have no idea. - Oh my God, Andrew. Also, because I mentioned it every week, Beyond 2000 was also on, which was my favorite Australian technology show. And this particular episode is about video technology, space exploration, and the textile industry, as well as lifetime was airing the first time they heard this, the Angelian story, which cast Angelian as herself in her comeback movie following her double mastectomy. That's an uplifting movie. - Not a lot of people star in their own. - I just made a really bad pun there. - I didn't pick up on that one. - You'll have to listen to it later. Not a lot of people star in their own biography, although Joan Rivers and her daughter did. - Okay. - Which was interesting. Yeah. All right, we're just gonna move on because I'm just disgusted. - Yeah, that makes sense. - I'm disgusted by your-- - I accept you. - Just by you, I'm disgusted. - Wow. - Give me your hate. - And you, and you call yourself a comedian. - What's your biggest comedic influence, the NBA? - I just like to stand up. I don't know, if I was gonna watch-- - Oh, and it's not like Roseanne was fronted by a very good stand up comedian. - Yeah, I didn't like Roseanne. Maybe that was the nature-- - So you hate women. Who's your favorite woman stand up? - Right now? - No, let's go late 80s. - Late 80s woman stand up. I don't know. - Late 80s of the 80s. - I don't know, but I didn't pick up the 80s. - Cutie to new days. - Okay. - Is she your favorite? - Oh, there was one that keeps showing up on like the ones that I'll see at the studio. They're like old reel that he would play before shows. - Okay. - If you said the name of her, I could probably remember. But I think even that, even she was before the 80s, I think she was on that, it was on that Carson. - So, okay. So where did you used to watch stand up? - I would stay home from stuff and go and listen to a friend and I'd stand up on camera central app or do that through high school, basically. - I'm wondering in high school. And the early 2000s? - No. Oh yeah, I guess I wrote 2000s. - Yeah, I'd stop watching comedy central then. So you-- - Well, like my dad gave me a Cosby tapes to listen to when I was a kid. - So did you watch the Cosby show? - I have watched some of the Cosby show, yeah. I think I have it on here. - All right, so let's move on to Wednesday eight o'clock. I'm just too disgusted to keep discussing this Tuesday. Wednesday nine o'clock, what'd you go with? - Wednesday eight o'clock, this was mostly based on the title, I would just give it a shot. Jake and the Fat Man. - So Jake and the Fat Man was awful. It was a crime drama. Star Joe Penny, and this one Jake tries to help a supposedly reformed cat burglar clear his name and a theft and reconcile with his estranged teenage son. William Conrad was in it as the Fat Man. Ray Wise was in this episode, which is kind of cool. Excuse me, and Charles Sifers, who you'd recognize, he showed up in a lot of stuff. Not a good show, I'm a little upset that you passed up growing pains, which is a great one. This is when Mike first falls in love with Chelsea Noble, who he married and is still married to today in their wonderfully annoying marriage. And also Unsolved Mysteries, which in this one has segments on the reported link between a Nashville murder and the weekly music charts, and Oklahoma Boys search for his grandfather, missing for more than 40 years, and a near fatal attack on a Connecticut woman. Who wouldn't want to watch that? I just thought they were gonna describe her in a different way than Connecticut. - Connecticut woman. Well, if she was from New York, I wouldn't watch it, but if she's from Connecticut, no, I'm interested. - Oh no, she's like, you and me. - Yeah, no, I'm interested. So you didn't watch anything at 8.30, 'cause you were watching Jake and the Fat Man. I definitely would have watched Head of the Class, and this one, Arvid, is broken up, but Sarah is a little two together after each experience is a death in the family. Meanwhile, TJ sets romantic sights on Aristotle. TJ was played by Rain Prior, Richard Pryor's daughter. - Okay. - This was sort of the end-ish of the series. Nine o'clock, what do you go with? - I'm watching a water skiing again. No, I am watching Circus of the Star. - Yes, the right move, finally. We agree on something. - Hey, we did it. - This is the common ground where Andrew Mayer and I can get together on this. It's sports and stars. This is Circus of the Stars. This is a great one. I have this one if you ever want to watch it. - Okay. - Barbara Mandrell, Stacey Keach, and Leslie Nielsen are the ring masters for the 14th annual Big Top Show, featuring Yuri Alexandra of the Moscow Circus, performing the Ariel Adagio with Rebecca Arthur. Other airborne acts include Julie McCullough, who was on "Girling Pains." I believe she does stand up comedy now. She was also in Playboy. Rebecca Arthur was Balke's girlfriend on "Perfect Strangers." Alan Kaser, Mayim Bieck, Maureen Flanagan, who was on "Out of This World," and she was. Jenny Garth, Mario Lopez, Amree Katz, who was in Erie, Indiana. - Oh, so much awesome. - Yeah, Erie, Indiana was one of my favorite shows, but Amree Katz, I believe, was on "Dallas" at this time. And Willie Ames, who became a born-again Christian and starred in a TV series called "Bible Man" about a superhero by the Bible. - Oh my. - Have you ever seen that? - No. - Oh, you should Google "Bible Man." - It sounds so great. - My two favorite Christian broadcasting network shows were "Bible Man." What power does he have? - He would quote scripture and then people would die. - It does, from being bored? - Oh, yeah, you gotta look him up 'cause he had a whole superhero costume and everything. So that's my number one favorite Christian broadcasting network show, and the second one was called "Gurbert." And it was about this really weird puppet. It's very, you look those up and you'll enjoy it. Also, I'm not done yet. Working in the realms of illusion and comedy is Kristin Alfonso, Ben Vereen, David Leisure, Fred Willard, and Alan Ratchens. That is a great two-hour night of fun right there. There's really no other thing you could possibly watch despite the fact that this old house was airing an episode where a Marvel kitchen countertops are installed. (laughing) Thursday night, what do you got? - Thursday night at eight on "Watching Cosby Show." - Good move, classic show. This is towards the end of "The Cosby Show's Run," but it was pretty consistently good the whole time. This one, hey, Vanessa. Wanna meet that cute guy named Elliot? Hey, Elliot. You'd like to date Vanessa, but need to dump your girlfriend first. Call the singles counselor. What a weirdly-- - Yeah, there's often dialogue in teasers, right? - Nothing I know of. This is one of the first times I've seen that. 8.30, what do you go with? - 8.30, I am watching "Eagle and the Bear." - "Eagle and the Bear." - Which I'm based on in the bear. - "Eagle and the Bear" was a documentary series on A&E. And this particular episode, you picked wrong. This particular episode is about the formation of "Nato." - Yeah, I rolled the dice on a title. - They had "Eagle and the Bear." - Do you think "The Wonder Years" is boring? Wait till you strap in for a half hour about the formation of "Nato." - You know, sometimes you just end up burning half hour on "Tidal of a Show." You missed out on "A Different World," which would have been the move here. Great show. 9 o'clock, what'd you go with? I'm guessing NBA files-- - No, I didn't watch it again. I picked "Mystery" with an exclamation point. - "Mystery," which was PBS series. They showed various movies. And in this particular episode, let me find it here, is "Rumpole of the Bayley," which is a British television series. It's a murder mystery show. It was a little bit boring, my wife's a big fan. But you passed up, my favorite thing about the NBA files, it says, "Game 5, if necessary, of the championship, "and then in parentheses, it says, "if there's no final round game, "the 1989 TV movie, 'Kiss Shot' will air here." I would have been praying that it was no 5 'cause I don't wanna know what "Kiss Shot" is. But you weren't with mystery. What drew you to mystery instead of cheers? - The exclamation point. - So if it has the word "Bear" or an exclamation point, you're into it. - Yeah, probably. - So if there was a game called competitive exclamations, you would probably be-- - I would be on it. - You'd probably win. So you also passed up the 9.30 show, so you missed out on Seinfeld because you were watching Mystery. How do you feel? - I feel all right. We're gonna, you can yell at me about Seinfeld too, if you want. - No, that's all right. That's all right. I'm gonna let that one go. - Yeah, yep. - Eight o'clock Friday night, last night of the week, June 15th, 1990. What do you go with? - Well, I was sort of with what I would have actually probably been watching at that time and it was full house. - Baywatch. - Oh, full house. Yes. So full house, this was still in the TGI era, TGI era when TGI was still good. - Yeah. - And it said, "Dani hits it off with Stephanie's dance teacher but he wants to waltz away when he takes one look at her messy apartment." 'Cause he had OCD. - Probably seen that one. - Yeah, oh, I've definitely seen that one. - Oh, yeah, you know what I definitely have. - I would have flipped between that and Baywatch because this Baywatch episode's pretty good. Shawnee, played by Erica Olanek, doesn't think much of Eddie's opinion of her new boyfriend, a boat full of drunken revelers looks for trouble. It's a pretty good episode. And Brian Cranston's in it. Interesting place, Tom Logan in that episode. This is when it was still on ABC before it was canceled and went to first run syndication. Also, "Tales from the Crypt" was on HBO which I watched every Friday. This particular episode as a young woman is turned into a witch. 830 p.m., what do you go with? - Well, my 830 is more based on my nine o'clock than it is at 30. But I'm watching, basically what's going to happen is that I'm just going to leave it on until "Perfect Strangers" at nine. - Okay. - So I'm watching "Flockins" at 830. - So "Flockins" was an unsold pilot that they burned off in TJIF. And this unsold pilot, a man and wife, moved to the suburbs with their four young sons who set out to find a new job for their mother. What a boring sounding show. I never saw this "Flockins" episode but I can tell you exactly why it didn't get picked up. You also passed up HBO 1/9 stand with Kevin Pollock where he targets smoking, driving, sex in the 80s and a Star Trek spoof. Nine o'clock, "Perfect Strangers." I would have watched it too, although I'll tell you why I didn't in a moment. But "Balki" objects to Larry's script changes on a home video to send to Balki's mother for the Bartokomu's family reunion in Jim Borkey in "Mipos." That's a tough one. They get in an argument. But I would have been watching at 9 o'clock, El Vira, "Mister of the Dark." The fantastic 1988 movie, it's extremely funny. Have you ever seen it? - No, I know El Vira though. - Yeah, but this is the movie. It's a lot different. - Okay. - You gotta see El Vira, "Mister of the Dark." It's fantastic. It takes place in a New England town, much like "Athel." That's where you said you're from. - Yes. - "Athel." And you should really rent it or borrow it from me. I started in theaters in 1988 and I watched, I've literally watched it every single year since 1988. I've seen this movie, it'll be 26 times this year. - On Halloween, do you watch it? - I watch it on Halloween, yeah. It's a great Halloween movie. Our "Fire Misters of the Dark," very funny. They only give it one star, which is clearly incorrect. And then at 9.30, what'd you go with? - At 9.30, I'm watching "Shadow Theater." - Oh, dear God. "Shadow Theater" was a USA Network show hosted by Robert England. And it was sort of a mishmash of short films and pieces about upcoming horror movies. It wasn't bad. "Shadow Theater" wasn't bad. But here's why I said, "Oh, dear God." Because you, Mr., I'm just gonna park it on ABC so I can watch "Flockens." - You flipped off, literally flipped off, just the ten of us. How dare you? Did you not watch just the ten of us? - I've never seen just that. - Oh, my, it's my favorite spin-off series of all time. - Wait, it's a spin-off of growing pains. - It was a very funny show. Growing pains got a lot worse once just the ten of us kicked in because all the good writers went over to there. This is an excellent episode at the St. Augie's medieval ball. Constance costume makes her the bell of the ball and sparks the interest of a cute guy played by Keith Coogan, who's in "Don't Tell Mom The Babysitter's Dead" and several other things. And Joanne Willett plays Constance. It was a great Connie-centric episode. She's from Maine, not from Boston, but from Maine. She's very funny. This is a really funny episode. It was a well-written show. It was fronted by former st. former and current st. of comedian Bill Kirk and Maurer. If you're not familiar with him. - I'm gonna make you watch just the ten of us. - Yeah, the way that I will watch most of these things is when you make me watch them. - Yes, that's what I do to people. I'm sorry. It's a, I, I, television-ly assault. - It's fine. You've never steered me wrong. I just don't, don't have the, the depth of television acumen that you-- - Just the ten of us. What a great show. Only, only two seasons. - Magic. - Well, it got, I won't get into it. I'll just get mad. So finally, Andrew Mayer, as you know, TV Guide is not just informative. - That's true. - It cheers and it jeers. It's opinionated. So I will read you the cheers and jeers from this week, but because Andrew Mayer, as if people know you, you are a bear enthusiast. - That's true. - They do review in the video cassette report next to the cheers and jeers, The Movie, The Bear. - Okay. - Have you seen The Bear? - I have not seen The Bear. - They give it three stars The Bear. This is one of the most absorbing live animal adventure movies we're ever likely to see. Nearly 15 minutes after the opening credits, a human voice speaks a four word sentence in your startle to realize that those are the first words you've heard in this captivating, suspenseful, sometimes thrilling film. You've never seen The Bear? I'm shocked by that. - There are gonna be a lot of movies. If we, if you ask me movies that I haven't seen, there are gonna be a lot. - Do you wanna name all the movies you have seen? - It'll take a lot less time to name stories that I've seen in the ones that I haven't. - Not The Bear. What's your favorite movie with a bear in it? - Oh man. - That's what I have. - Jungle Book? Great outdoors. - I do like Jungle Book. - Harry and the Henderson's? - Harry and the Henderson's? He's not a bear. - This is much. - Yeah, we're just moving on. All right, so agree or disagree with these cheers and cheers. Cheers to movie stars, Kathleen Turner, Jessica Lang, and Glenn Close making rare TV appearances as the hosts of a series of TNT specials honoring three leading ladies from Hollywood's Golden Age. - Am I choosing or choosing that? - Yeah, would you cheers that or would you cheers that? - I would, sure, cheers. - Yeah, I would have to say it'd be pretty bad if you were like, "Cheers" to that. Finally, next we have a "Cheers" to ABC for resorting to unscrupulous programming poise. It's one thing to openly schedule shows of the hour or half hour. It's another to deceive viewers the way ABC did when a recent episode of America's Funniest Home Vities, vities, I call them vities, ran three minutes long ending at 8.31 p.m. and sliding right into America's Funniest part two with no commercial break. The idea, of course, full, inattentive viewers who normally would switch to Fox's The Simpsons at 8.30, which Andrew would have done, but maybe not this week 'cause it would have been full. - And to stay in tune to another ABC show. What do you think of that? - Who gives a shit? - So you're not agreeing with that "Cheer." - I disagree with that "Cheer" a little harder way. - Cheers to PBS's American Playhouse for making the film long time companion a reality. - Sure. - Okay, it's a movie about AIDS. And-- - Cheers, yes. - Finally, "Cheers" to MTV's new weekly half hour series buzz. According to its creators, the idea behind the show is to give normally passive viewers a quote, "Kick in the ass," a feat they attempt to accomplish by serving up 30 minutes of fragmented film clips, talking heads, and jarring animation that can only be compared to having your TV, stereo, radio, and all major household appliances going at once with a chainsaw thrown in for good measure. We appreciate avant-garde, but this is avant-garde badge. (laughing) - I will "Cheers" the word play at the end. - You will "Cheers" the word play. So you're gonna agree with that "Cheers." - No, I think I disagree with it, only because it seems like this show is just them actually trying to go and kick viewers in the ass. - They might have been. I think MTV does that now. I think MTV might air a show where it's just some skateboarder kicking people in the ass for an hour and just don't speak to people. But this was sort of an interesting experiment. I remember this show. It wasn't my favorite MTV show, but this is also around the time where they had liquid television and a lot of the really more experimental MTV stuff. And the idiot box wasn't too long before this. And I'm gonna disagree with that "Cheers." It wasn't the best show on MTV, but there was at least something different. - Yeah, and I admire a network that's allowing people to take some swings. - Well, MTV used to be interesting, sadly no more. - They do that no commercial breaks in between shows thing. - Yeah. - Though the people most guilty of better MTV. - They're MTV. - Well, I think if you're watching what MTV is now, you deserve to be fooled. - That's probably true. - Andrew Mayer, thank you. Oh, thanks for having me. - You're welcome. (upbeat music) - Oh man, that was an Andrew Mayer, I told you. He's a strange one. He's a strange kid, but he's a nice kid. I don't think he's dangerous. So I will tell you that. You can follow him on the web or however you do that. You can also email me at kend@ikendry.com or at tvguidenscounselord.com. If you like the show, please subscribe and rate the show, review the show on iTunes or anywhere that you listen. It is a huge help to get the word out. And I appreciate you listening. I look very silly when people don't listen to the show and I'm just doing this. If you're wondering, I record these intros in my closet. I'm sitting on a pile of T-shirts in my closet. That's what I'm doing for the show. So if that was for no reason, that would be crazy. That would be a crazy thing to do. But you listening makes it a slightly less crazy thing to do. So please tune in next Wednesday for an all new episode of TV Guidens Counselor. (upbeat music) I've always wondered if there were mermaids that were reversed. There was like a guy who was really strong and then a guy who was really tiny and they would like put the guy that was tiny in the suitcase and then the big guy who would carry him around could be the A-team. I thought we were raping the Reaper. No, I don't think you want to rape the Reaper, which I'm sure there's an 80s metal bit. Well, I know they say not to fear the Reaper. Well, I feel like the best way to do that is to rape the Reaper. That would show you weren't afraid. I think I've seen like yo-yo things before. It's like very, very narrow, but long. Probably something, a foam. Yeah, she was really good at it. Yeah, you're right. I'm the weird one. The story was gonna get out eventually. I figured it out and come out. Well, there goes your political career.
