[laughter] Wait, you have a TV? No. I just like to read the TV guide. Read the TV guide. Don't need a TV. ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ Hello and welcome to TV Guidance Counselor. I am Ken Reed, your TV Guidance Counselor, as always, and welcome to this special live edition of TV Guidance Counselor. As part of the Women in Comedy Festival, we have a boon of live episodes lately, last week with the Eugene Remin Comedy Festival episode, and this week with the Women in Comedy Festival episode. My guest this week for the Women in Comedy Festival Live Edition was Mary Mack, who is a very, very funny comedian and musician. We recorded this at Improv Boston on the first day of the Women in Comedy Festival, and I think you will enjoy it very much. It was a really fun show. Mary is a funny comedian. She is a former -- I guess you're never really former. She's a former and current polka musician voiceover artist. She's been on live at Gotham. She has done voices on Aquatine Hunger Force, speaking of television, and she's very funny and interesting, and this is a pretty interesting episode. She did quite a bit of preparation for the show. So we recorded this, as I said, at Improv Boston on the first night of the Women in Comedy Festival, and you're probably saying, "Ken, you're clearly not a woman." "You're correct. I'm not a woman." But I have been participating in the Women in Comedy Festival for every year they've had it, and this is their seventh year. So it's always a good event, and I'm always happy to participate when they ask me to. So I think you'll enjoy this episode. So, sit back, relax, and listen to our Live Edition from the Women in Comedy Festival with Mary Mack. ♪ TV, TV movies made for TV ♪ ♪ TV movies ♪ [cheers and applause] - Thank you for being so happy. [laughter] - That is a lot of liquids. - I got a lot of material to cover. - So, yeah, I mailed Mary what? Maybe five choices of TV guides about a month ago? - Yep. No, about two weeks ago, I got some TV guides in the mail, and-- - She knew beforehand, like she wasn't conscripted into the show, like it wasn't like a jury duty notice. I feel like I got the package of the guides. I have to fly to Boston and do this now. - Wait, is Paul Dickinson's sister here? Okay, okay, okay, she's here. I just wanted to make sure everybody was here before we started. - Yes. [laughter] - Yeah. - Is that a midwesterner? - Yes, yes, she is. - They make it out here. It's odd to me that midwesterners can thrive in the Northeast. [laughter] - It's cold in both places. That's true. - And here, it's easier access to the ocean for fast getaways. - That's true, they are in ocean ferrying people. - You know, you don't have to go through all the great lakes with your boat. You can just get right out there and-- - Into the greatest lake. - Get out into the biggest, saltiest lake, so uh-huh. - So it makes sense. You've swung me. I now believe that there should be more midwesterners out here in the Northeast. So I tried to send you some midwestern issues. So I have two major collections of TV guides that I got from libraries that went out of business, which is the thing that happens. And one was in Maine and one was in Nebraska, so I do have some Midwest ones. The other TV guides I have 'cause I had my own subscription as a kid in a vain attempt to not have to talk to my parents. So I tried to send you some Midwestern ones 'cause I know that you would've grown up on Central Time. - Yeah. - Which is a completely alien concept to me. And I was always jealous of Central Time people. - I wish that were my introduction every show. Welcome from Central Time. - Yes, live from Central Time. - Yeah. - Well, 'cause you could watch the 10 o'clock shows at nine and you got that extra hour of TV and before school, you're having to get up for school the next day and it just wasn't fair. - Well, let me tell you, my bedtime was nine. So I had-- - Strict bedtime. - And I had three channels. So I, looking through the TV guide, it had cable. - Those are cool people's notes, yes. - And it really blew my mind. All the stuff I missed. - Did you get mad? - No, I was like, this was too many options. No wonder-- - That's a very Midwestern attitude towards it. (laughing) - Yeah, yeah. - If that was something Boston would be like, what the hell, what was wrong? - It was too many options. So we had our three channels. So we, a born Minnesota, then it went over to Wisconsin on the border and grew up there, but we still got Minnesota channels. - So we got the Minnesota news, Minnesota sports, we could get a, if you, we had an antenna on top of our house 'cause there's no cable that could come into the woods 'cause I'm from the woods. So-- - Central time woods. - Yeah, dirt roads, no cable. And we had an antenna on top of our house and we had a rotor that you would turn. - Yeah. - And you were-- - It's a physically move the antenna to get the channel. - You were on channel six, you gotta get the rotor, get the antenna face in Duluth. - Do you have siblings? - Yes, there was five siblings. - So was there ever where we'd be like, someone's gotta go up on the roof and do it. - Yes, and it was always my drunkest brother, Scott. - Yeah. (laughing) - It was horrible because you're like, oh, I don't want Scott to die 'cause it was usually icy when the antenna stopped working with the rotor. So it's a bad weather out, but you're like, I don't want Scott to die, but I really want to see Punky Brewster. - Yeah, many, many, many people died in nice stones to see Punky Brewster. - Yeah, so-- - Ironically, a show about orphans. Many people were orphaned trying to get the antenna to get Punky Brewster. - That's what happened to Punky Brewster's original parents. - Yeah, well, her father, no one knew who he was, her mother abandoned her at a shopping mall. - Oh my God. - That was the plot of the show for children in 1984. (laughing) - That's why she had such a keen sense of style. - Yes, maybe that's why she abandoned her. She was like, this kid is embarrassing me. - Yeah, well, Ken is getting sad. - It is. - That's why I have two beers. - Yes, two beers and Pepsi and two waters. - People have told me that Ken knows everything about television, and I guess you do. I mean-- - It's not, I didn't try to learn it. It's a skill that is of no use to anyone. It borders on autism, which is okay, but yeah, there's a lot in here. I could have been a doctor. - And you've-- (laughing) - No, you couldn't. - No, I definitely couldn't. (laughing) - I didn't say of what? (laughing) Education, not a medical doctor, that'd be crazy. (laughing) - Well, I tell you what, I definitely read more than watch TV, and I found myself relating to the pages in the paper of the magazine itself. - It's like the physical medium itself as well. - Yeah, yeah, I really was, it was interesting because-- - I mean, it's basically a choose-your-own-adventure book. - Yeah, it is. - It's in the same style, format, and size. - It is, and I'm not a cigarette addict. - A lot of cigarettes, yes. - For ads for cigarette brands I've never heard of and don't remember anyone smoking. Like, they all seem made up misty I've never heard of, and then there was one that was just called Truth. (laughing) - Really? - Yeah, and I remember the ad and the TV guy said, "I want the truth!" And it was just like smoking. - Just ignore how much fun they're having over there. - Yes, yes, yes. (laughing) - That other theater. Okay, so I started going through these and I noticed that somebody in this television guide was, had marked it up. - Yes, this is a used TV guy. - Gone through all the days and channels and made marks by what he needed to watch. And it was pretty disturbing. - It was disturbing, how do you get chosen? Well, how do you, when you were watching stuff as a kid, I mean, you only have three channels, but how did you know what to watch? That you guys didn't get a TV guide or anything in the newspaper was just flipping? - We got a TV guide, but it was a, really we couldn't memorize it. - Right. - We were that smart and-- - Right, you didn't have to reference? - We didn't really have to and it was like whatever, you know, if your parents were watching something, that's what you watched. - She had one TV. - We did. We had one TV and then we had a black and white TV in the kitchen. - Yeah, so there were a lot of fights over who got to watch the good TV. - Yeah. (laughing) - So, you know, and I related to this man though, I could tell a lot about him by what he checked out. - Yeah. - A, he's from Peoria 'cause that's the Peoria, Illinois. - Yep. - The local programming was like St. Jude's Hospital from Peoria, telethon, I'm-- - I like that you wrote telethon and not just footage. - Yeah, no. (laughing) - Some kids, they're sick, it's an hour. - It really was amazing and I believe, I'm gonna call him Gerald. - Yeah, that sounds about right. - I've been keeping a private journal as Gerald. - So this is like a visiting Hannibal Lecter to get into the mind of a serial killer. I can't really try to get the scent and go, yeah. - I've been in the mind of Gerald and I could tell you some things I know about this man from the August 3rd to 9th, 1991. - Yup, 'cause you asked for like made 80s to mid 90s was kind of the range that you, of course so. First of all, out of the ones I sent you which include this wide selection here. Why did that one stick out to you? Was, would you just felt the presence of Gerald? - I felt Gerald's presence. - Yeah. - And his kindness really because he had made marks in here like Paul might like this. - Oh, that's pretty cool. - He also wrote down on one show, tape this for Janita and it's J-A-N-I-T-A-N. - Yeah, Janita, that's a big name in Peoria. - I thought maybe Paul doesn't know how to spell Juanita. - That's possible. - Or maybe Janita's parents don't know how to spell Juanita but I've never heard, have you ever heard Janita as a name? So, I mean, if you're having a baby, may I recommend Janita? - Yeah, yeah, so, but I'm ready, I've got my charts ready. - Okay. - What else do you tell the audience before you set off on your adventure of-- - That's pretty much it, like what drew you to that issue and clearly it was Gerald, also Madonna's on the cover in her full Dick Tracy garb, which was a mistake for her. - 1991 was a 10 year anniversary of MTV. - Which sounds crazy that you're like, it was 10 whole years and MTV's been around for longer than probably most people in the room have been alive. - Yeah, and MTV, Madonna had the most videos up, which she had 36 videos, so I'm like the Madonna of YouTube. - Okay, that's fair. - 'Cause I have almost 36 videos probably. - And YouTube's been around this year for 10 years. (laughing) - Has it? - Yeah. - YouTube, yeah, YouTube's been around for the same amount of time, MTV was around, at the time of day. - The new morality of all this. - Yes, it's really amazing. - What's your sign, what's your name? - Tricia. - Tricia. - It's my name. - And okay. - I was gonna say, what month is a Tricia book? - Tricia, what's your sign? - We've read it. - Can I read it? - Oh, please do, yes. This is the first time, and in a year and a half of the show, this is the first time we've actually ever explored the horoscopes. (laughing) - Really? - Yeah, you're no excited for this. - This is a book, not just-- - You're also reading it in the Asian style from right to left. - Yeah, it is. (laughing) So, were you alive in 1991, Tricia? Okay, so tell me if this is what happened to you. (laughing) - In August of that year. - Okay, yeah. So much seems to be falling apart at the seams. (laughing) And so many promises. How old were you at this point, you think? - 60. - You're okay. - Well, it sounds about right so far than for 60 year old girls. - You don't look like you could've been 16. Okay, so this book is probably true then. So much seems to be falling apart at the seams and so many promises remain unfulfilled. However, you were born under one of the most resilient and resourceful signs of the SODIAC and a lot of people are now going to be amazed, even shattered by your forthright and forceful approach to partnerships, friendships, financial and property issues. (laughing) - Well, how do 16 year olds have property issues? - She's with somebody right now, what's that? - Have you ever been shattered? - I've been forced upon it. - Yeah. - Yeah. I don't think, I feel like the TV guy had had the horoscopes on the last page just for page count because they needed an even amount of pages to get like a deal at the printer and they didn't want to do just a blank page. I feel like no one ever actually, like I've watched the whole week of TV. Now, I need to know about my shattered innocence. (laughing) - Oh my God, Gerald filled out the television crossword. - I should add Gerald didn't-- - I didn't even get that far. - But Gerald didn't finish the television crossword. He gave up halfway through after getting many of the answers wrong. (laughing) It's my favorite thing with someone who's bad at crosswords where you ever see someone doing like a jigsaw puzzle and there's pieces that they jammed in that didn't fit. He's somehow managed to take that technique and apply it to crossword puzzles. (laughing) So there are like nebulous letters that he can be like, "It's an EA." - I bet you wouldn't be saying that if you knew that Gerald worked at a group home. - I would be saying that if I knew Gerald was in a group home. (laughing) - 'Cause that's in my mind what he did. - That's why he's like taping these things for people in the group home? - Yes. - What kind of group home? - In substance abuse, developmentally disabled. Maybe both. - Possibly both, but more of like a halfway house for recovering criminals. - Oh, I see, okay. - Or wayward teenage moms. - Okay. - And no offense to wayward teenage moms is most in the crowd, but. I mean like, that kind of a thing. - Like a fenced or hall from Punky Brewster. - Yeah, sure. - Okay. - Exactly, so I feel like he checks in every day at five. He starts something. He starts watching TV as soon as he gets into works. - Oh, so he's a night shift guy. - He's a night shift guy. - Okay. - He gets into work. He immediately starts watching entertainment tonight. And he's not allowed to do anything behind the desk as he greets visitors or keeps tabs on the people, the inhabitants of the group home. He passes his time with the TV guy. - I see, so he can't actually watch TV. So he's experiencing it by reading about it. - Well, he can see that he can watch the TV. He's the only one who has access to the television, except for Paul. Paul is listed in here, but it's serious. I mean, like this is his job. - Have you ever worked a night shift job? - No. - It's not fun. - Has anybody here ever worked a night shift job? - Yeah, it's a kind of job you get when you're like 22 and you're like, that would be great. No, it'll be around. I kind of get some work done. You know, do whatever I want. And it's the worst job. It's like mad me. I used to work night security at a TV station behind the front desk. (all laughing) - Did you watch it a lot at TV? - I did, but we had to watch the station that it was. (all laughing) I got caught flipping before and it was very frowned upon. - Wow. - And that's when crazy people come in and they're like, I gotta get on the news and tell them about my time machine. (all laughing) I gotta talk to your news director. One time I had this guy whose name I still forget, but he used to own the Red Sox. And I don't know anything about sports and I don't care about sports. And he called our drunken sports anchor who local people will know what station I worked at just from that. (all laughing) He came to see him and he was like, I'm whatever here to see something. And I always forget everybody's names 'cause I don't only care about myself. And I forgot his name and I was like, what's your name again? And he's like yelled it and he goes, I own the fucking Red Sox. And then I said, I don't know anything about sports. (all laughing) And then when the anchor came out, he was like, who the fuck is this guy? I don't know who I am. And I went, also I don't care who you are. I don't know how I didn't get fired there. I would put, we would have people call for the general manager. And obviously they're not gonna, I'm not gonna put them through to the general manager. - What's the minute? - Yeah. - Here's the general manager. - So what I said to this guy was I go, here's what I can do for you. I can put you on hold till you hang up. And then the guy said, that would be for, no! And then I was like, you agreed, you agreed to that. (all laughing) So yeah. - Oh yeah, that's a great line. - Yeah, they always agree. It's just, it's how you say it. - Have you ever just tried that on your own personal cell phone? - Like, let me, here's what I can do. I don't have a hold button on my cell phone, which I think is a missing. There should be a hold app where you could put music on and put someone on hold. - Oh my God, it's patented! - Yeah, we're in it. - We're in it. - Somewhere in MIT. - Somewhere in MIT. - I'm gonna develop it. - That's fine, I just want like a small cut. - Oh my gosh, you have to patent that. - The hold button app, just play elevator music or whatever, yeah. - Or you could just hire a live little ensemble to play a little gesture? - Yeah. - It could be like Uber for jazz three pieces. So you're like, I'm gonna need like four minutes of jazz in about 15 minutes, can you make it down here? And then they're like, we're in the area. (laughing) - We're in the area. - We'll be right down. - We only travel together. We're always together. - So you haven't seen MTV 'cause you didn't have cable? - I didn't see it MTV. - Ever? - I, one time I went over to Jodie Voxdale's house. - Oh, she had a really good TV. - In ninth grade 'cause she lived in town. In our 500 person town where we had to take four towns to make one school. - And Jodie-- - It's like a Voltron of schools. (laughing) - Yeah. It was the desert. - Your powers combined. - Yeah, so, but still with four towns, the average class size is 40 people. So that was like a big, big class. So Jodie Voxdale, I went over there one time to see new kids on the block. - We call them NKOTB here. - Yeah, yeah. - Who is your favorite new kid? - I actually watched him and I was like, "No, I don't care for these guys." - That's the correct. - Um. (laughing) - Yeah, but I was like, "Well, this is MTV, I guess." And it seemed cooler when my brother was talking about it. And now that I see it, it's kind of dumb. So, but I hear it's gotten a lot better. - Yeah, once they got rid of music. - I'm just joking. (laughing) - So, yeah, I didn't see a lot, but I did, I made the best of what I had. - Right. - And we had good public TV in Minnesota, in Wisconsin too. - Like the PBS stations? - Yeah, yeah. I always Benny Hill late at night. - Yes. Did you watch Benny Hill? - My dad made us watch Benny Hill. - He made you, he's like, "You're gonna watch this, you're gonna learn." - Yeah, we were out. - So. - The one Benny Hill sketcher I remember being very uncomfortable with, was my grandfather, who was a miserable man from Norway, just smoked and watched. - But it's just, my dad is also known. - Oh, yes. Mine looked like he was, I forget what fishing village in Norway he was from, but he came over here when he was like 20, and he would just sit in the dark in the kitchen and smoke cigarettes until it was time to watch Y50, the People's Court, Price is Right, or Benny Hill at night time. And there was, do you remember the perfume, Charlie? - Oh. - Yes, Duff of MTV fame was a spokesperson for Charlie for a while, and there's a Benny Hill, I don't know, I wouldn't call it a sketch, but there were like some moment came in, he's like, "Ooh, I can smell a Charlie." And then they're all like, "Ooh!" 'Cause they thought he meant vagina. (laughter) And I remember just feeling very uncomfortable with that. - Dude, I was always uncomfortable watching Benny Hill. That's, again, the correct reaction I think. - Yeah, I was always very uncomfortable, and I didn't, you know, I was too young to get all the jokes, and then I, but I did somehow feel like a real bond with the oldest, like the 90 year old mania, giant mania. - Yeah, they'd always slap him on the head. - And I was like, that could be me someday. - If you work hard enough? - I know, I was like, I could get parts like that if I ever went into acting, that would be me. Like, I knew that as a child. - So you were inspired by the elderly punching bag on Benny Hill to pursue a career in the arts. (laughter) - I gotta stop. (laughter) - I guess so. I made a chart of what I would have watched and would it be okay with the audience? They'd just go through it, and maybe compare it. I, what I did is I made a, I compared and contrasted what Gerald watched at the group home and what I would have watched. - Well, that's good that they are different. (laughter) - Or are they? (laughter) Let's go right into it then. Let's start. - Okay, I'm just gonna start with Monday. - Okay. - Okay. Monday. - It's a tough night. - I think Monday Gerald was still on work from the night before at 5.30 a.m. - Okay. - Because, real out of character for him, he always, he loves thrillers, and he loved all comedies. And Peoria is the home of Sam Kennison and Richard Pryor, so I feel like maybe they had something to do with him, always watching a comedy book. - I think maybe he went to high school with them. - Could have, could have. But, wait, no, they would have been done. But, I, well no, I don't know how Gerald, oh, oh my God, I just became Gerald. No, you're right, they could have gone, just go. - 5.30 a.m. Gerald watches Morning Agriculture. - Is that a real thing in the middle of the world? - It's a show. - Yeah, it's a show, I didn't get that show, but. - But, what are they, 'cause you always see jokes about like farm report and that sort of stuff. What the hell do they talk about? Like the weather, 'cause we have the weather, it's not farm specific. (laughing) - Yeah, that's a good point. - Is it just like, hey, it's a good day for chickens? - I don't know what the difference would be. - You know, I don't know, I don't really know. - I don't never find out, 'cause I'm not going there. - I'm not giving you a good info, but I just wanna, I started with an anomaly, because he didn't normally watch it. I feel like Gerald maybe like was saving up for some land, and he was like, oh, I should know a little something. - Oh, he's blue scallion. - But so then he went to sleep, yes. He went to sleep, and then at 5.00 p.m., entertainment tonight, featuring John Candy. Then he goes-- - Candy wants, and he must have been promoting who's Harry Chrome. - Made it really? Is that what it would be like? - Probably John Candy's finest role. - Is that okay? Well, I'll Netflix it, I know I've seen-- - You could have been only the lonely. A dramatic role. Good movie, very sad. - Only the lonely? - Yeah, he plays a single funeral director who lives with his overbearing Irish mother. Allie Sheetie's in it. Playing a character who I'd like to think is the same character from "Breakfast Club" with a 10-year-old. (laughing) - Okay. All right, why did I even prepare? You know so much. 6.30 p.m. He watches "The Cubs" versus "The Met." - Did you watch a lot of sports when you were growing up? - I did, I would watch "The Twins" and that's-- - Did you still watch it? - I watched "Sunday Football" 'cause we always, every Sunday we had pickle hearing, and with football, I was pickled hearing and then potato chips and sour cream and onion dip. I was like, I'll watch anything with this involved. - So as long as they're serving pickled hearing, it doesn't really matter what's going on. - It doesn't matter, no, it's like a, it's a party. I'm in, I'm in. But I, at 6.30, I would have not watched much 'cause, you know, 7 p.m. Fresh Prince. - Yeah. - My brother liked it, so I had to share and I watched it and I'm not proud of it. - It was, I can't, you don't strike me as a real Fresh Prince kind of gal. - No, I'm surprised you had me on the show. - It's only people who have been on Fresh Prince or fans of Fresh Prince, but weirdly enough, I have a rule, no actual Fresh Prince. I won't have Will Smith on the show, we could fuck off. (audience laughing) - 8 p.m. I did love, did anybody watch Murphy Brown? - I love Murphy Brown. - I love Murphy Brown, I was like, that was a great show and I-- - It's a really good show. - Ted's voice, I think it's his name, David Kimball. - Yes, yeah, yeah. - On his voice, it's so great. Another voice I've been really loving lately is Mark Wahlberg, but not that Mark Wahlberg. Mark L. Wahlberg. - Mark L. Wahlberg. - Yes, because-- - Antiques Roadshow. Produced here in Boston, WGBH. - Are you kidding me? - You could maybe meet Mark L. Wahlberg. - You need to meet him, I've been watching Antiques Roadshow. It's been almost two months straight, so I would say every night for the last, it's gotta be at least 57 days. Because I have sleep problems, but I watch that and as soon as Mark L. Wahlberg comes on with his voice, I don't know what he was doing, hosting those trashy reality shows, like he's perfect for Antiques Roadshow. - His career was always a little strange. His first job on television was for the Lifetime Network as the announcer for a show called Shop Tilly a Drop. - You are crazy. - I don't want to know that, yeah. I don't want to know it. It was aired back to back with Supermarket Sweep. - What was it, aired back to back with? - Supermarket Sweep, which was hosted by my favorite named game show host, David Ruprick. (laughing) - She's so great. - And so, Supermarket Sweep, you were in a shop, in a supermarket, and you answered questions, you got time, and then you basically went on a super toy run for hams. And then, Shop Tilly a Drop was in an unconvincing shopping mall set, and you had to go through the different stores, and Mark L. Wahlberg was the announcer. He was the shadow students of the show. - Has anybody seen these? Clap if you have seen these. - Yeah, Shop Tilly a Drop, Supermarket Sweep. - I've never heard of these. Are they only in Boston? - No, these were national game shows, but they're on cable. Were there any game shows you watched as a kid? - Ah, Price is right. I mean, like, it was whatever my mom watched, 'cause Sunday morning, like, we had to, every Sunday morning, we had to watch bowling, 'cause bowling was on, her bowling tutorial show at 10. - Tutorial show, oh, that's dope, okay. - How to blow better, so she could kick ass in her league. - So, she'd watch a show and we'd have to watch it, while all the other kids got to go to church. So, like, yeah, I had to watch bowling. - If you read a book, can you name it 10-pin church? - Yeah, I will, I will. And now I don't even go bowling anymore. You don't wanna know why? - Why's that? - I don't believe in it. - Yes. (laughing) - You believe you're just agnostic about bowling. - Yeah, yeah. - We'll come back around. - Yeah, me, me. - A lot of people on their deathbed start talking about bowling. (laughing) She says, like, a last ditch. - I can remember the guy, and even though I just recently came across from BHS tape, so, like, we watched a show and she had tapes. - Would she, like, practice form and stuff, like, in front of the TV? Was, like, her James Bond to work out? - No, she laid on the couch and watched bowling. - How's it? And then she had her bowling league. - Was her, did she name her ball? - No, no. - That was her mistake? - She, yeah. - It'd be funny if the first episode was just about naming her ball. She's like, keep first, ground rolling ball, you gotta name your ball right. - By selecting the right ball, I mean, like, they would do cutaways for stuff like that. But really, it was all about, like, how to get this certain kind of split, and it was pretty helpful, actually. - I'm kind of liking the mid-west, you're selling me on this. - Yeah, so, yeah, that was, I'm going back to Monday. - Yeah. - 830 Designing Women. - I absolutely love Designing Women. 1991, though, was probably their weakest year. - It was? - They replaced most of the cast. - In general, it was a pretty weak year on the TV Guide. - I blame Nirvana. (all laughing) - You and everything that year. - 9 p.m. Northern Exposure, 'cause it was a great show. - It's a really great show. And that was a 10 p.m. show here. So, like, you got to watch that, in a lot of cases when I had to go to bed. - Yeah, I did, 'cause this is a summer edition, so I could stay up a little bit later. - Yeah. - In the summer, a little bit. - And this was the second season of Northern Exposure, which is when the show started getting really, really good. And there was a really weird phenomenon in the early 90s, was Twin Peaks was a huge hit for one season, and then, you just saw it for the first time. - I just watched it all, and I'm so sad it's only two seasons. - Did you know who killed Laura Palmer? Did you figure it out? Or were you shocked when it was revealed? - I actually forgot who killed Laura Palmer. You're the prime audience for Twin Peaks. That's what they needed in 1990, because once they revealed who killed her, everyone was like, I don't give a shit anymore. And nobody watched the show, and it was a huge, huge show for-- - Oh, I know, I know now. I had to think, 'cause they did so many episodes after you found out who killed her. - Yes, when Windom Earl came in. But because that show was so popular the first season, all the networks tried to green light weird shows. And so you got Northern Expo, like shows about small towns with weird things. And you had a bunch of shows, and really, the only good one was Northern Exposure. - Well, I related to it, because it was similar to our town. And I liked Ed, the guy who worked at the radio station, and I was like, what if we had a radio station? They can do it, come on, guys, let's get a radio station. - You liked Ed and not Chris in the morning. - Yeah, like Ed. - I thought Chris in the morning was a little up himself. Yeah, Ed was the Native American kind of punk rockish guy. - Chris in the morning is the guy who now does the Walgreens. - Yes, he does. - Ed's voiceovers. - On the corner of healthy and happy. - Yeah. - And he's kind of does them in character as Chris in the morning too. Like, I feel like, I don't know this gentleman, but he was on like Sex in the City, he was on a bunch of things. And I feel like he justifies doing those Walgreens ads. Like, he gets into character of like, this is Chris in the morning doing this, it's not me, he's a voiceover guy. And like, does it as Chris in the morning? - You know what, I wrote a bit about on the corner of happy and healthy and nobody ever got it, but I'd like to perform it tonight. (laughing) - Please do. - Okay, so I was living in LA and the Walgreens on our corner was serving, it still does, serves sushi. So my whole thing was like, that, you know, that doesn't make sense for a drug store to serve sushi. - What kind of does, 'cause they also sell Pepto Bizpah? - Well, so it's harder to tie together, but my punchline was like, Walgreens on the corner of happy and ugh, and nobody appreciated it. - See, I think the comedy, less usually a lot of comedy these days is missing, is good vomit noises. And I haven't heard anyone use the term barf on stage in, maybe 10 years. And I find that word very funny. - No, it's funny. - One time I was driving, and I was a little punchy, I had been up for a while, and I was like a long drive. And I for some reason decided to be really funny, is if in any situation where you would say vomit, like a clinical situation, you just replaced it with barf. Like if you go to the doctor and you're pregnant and he's like, are you having morning barfing? Or like that, or like your kid has poison and you call and they're like, you wanna induce barfing? It's not like, but for whatever reason at this time, it hit me so hard I had to pull over. (laughing) - Or like I was hurting myself. (laughing) - With your own thighs. - With my own ridiculous. - Oh man, it's so weird, you even watch TV. - It's true. - It's so much fun. - With that kind of material going on. - I know. (laughing) So, um. - So that's a good night though. Northern exposure is a good way to end the evening. - Yeah, it was great. I mean, I don't even know what's on TV right now. I just go on the hoo and the Netflix. But now Tuesday would have been that Tuesday. Let me just tell you. - Okay. - Gerald 5PM reporting for duty with entertainment tonight. - Okay, he's gotta talk about what's been happening with the people in the home. - Yeah. - You don't tell him, Hanks is making a sequel to big? Never happened. - Well, in this entertainment tonight, Gerald watches celebrities who have tattoos. (laughing) - How much of that do you think was devoted to share? - This is right when, if I could turn back time and they were like, she's got a butterfly in her ass. - Wow. - It's crazy, yeah. She could find a way. She'd take back those words that hurt you. I remember every year in middle school for Veterans Day, we had like some kind of assembly and the chorus would do it. And they had a song for every war. And for some reason they determined that the song for the Gulf War would be if I could turn back time by share. And I was like, "So you're like, we fucked up?" That's like the song. (laughing) They didn't even do voices that care, which actually was at the Gulf War. - Who did this? - This was the chorus in my middle school. - Sure. - So they showed pictures of war and then sang. - Yeah, yeah. And I grew up too. They were like, "Pardon me, boy." And then I'm like, "No, that was horrific." It was a terrible assembly. (laughing) - What was it, for Veterans Day? - It was Veterans Day, yeah. And they would have veterans, like they'd wheel out some old guy from World War I. And, but it was so distant, like this poor guy had to sit on the stage the whole time while they handed him flowers and they're like, "If I could turn back time," and this guy's just like, (laughing) "If I could only have been shut down." (laughing) - Oh, again, that is horrible. - It really was. - What school was this? - This was Melrose Middle School. - In right here in Boston. - It was just outside, yeah. - Okay, it's just outside of Boston. - Yeah. - Wow, well, see, that's how we can come together as a people, is shitty assemblies. - Yes. (laughing) - Yeah, no, like, just, ugh. - Even in such a small school, did you guys have a lot of assemblies? - Oh yeah, we had a lot of rallies. - Did you have like-- - It one good thing happened in school. - It was rally, guys. - There would be a rally. - Because most of the kids were real poor white kids or else kids off their reservation. So it was like, you know, 50/50 and nothing ever good happened. - Literally off the reservation. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. So one good thing happens, then we get together and the show choir would sometimes come out. - Were you in the choir? 'Cause you're a musical person. - One semester, they, well, they tripped it in to be in in show choir. - Can you just sing this? - Sure. - No. - You're in the choir. - They didn't even ask you to sing. They just showed you a sparkly, conberbund with sequins all over it and with bowtiles, sequins all over it. And then you were like, ugh, I need that. (laughing) - It's like a drug dealer, first one's free. - Yeah, I only lasted one semester and like, you know, the rest of you, like, so we had black skirts down to our toes and everything was so covered up. So like, but these sequin conberbunds, we looked like really jazzy Amish people. - Nice. - And it was horrible 'cause like, on glee, people are dancing and singing on key and like, it's wonderful. But nobody in a school that size can dance. - Yeah. - Or in a school that Midwestern. - Choreography, so here's what we had was, we had these blocks. We had wooden blocks bigger than that. So you had to really be a kind of like a farm kid to lift these blocks. And we set them down in one pattern and then we'd sit on them like this, you know, with a part and we'd start singing like, fish gotta swim, birds gotta fly, some number like that. And then there'd be an instrumental break and we'd pick up our block and we'd move it to another position on the stage and then we'd sit there. ♪ I gotta love ♪ - So it was just like a series. It was like really slow musical chairs. - Yeah, but that was the way we danced. It was like, we just sat in a different fashion. We sat in a different fashion and that was our dancing. And that'll get you to state and Burnett County, Wisconsin. - Well, that's what happens. I think that's a good example of what happens when you don't have MTV. - Yeah, yeah. - Kids in the early 90s are like, get me a block, I'm gonna bust a move. - Yeah, it was real sad. It was pretty bad. You know what's interesting too is that I, like marching bands in high school, kids, I remember watching kids play instruments and be like, that kid seems pretty good. And I realize now that they all suck. Like they're really bad. Like, because there's a football field near my house and there's all these kids in the band and they're so off key and wrong and not good. And I'm like, oh, that's what all high school marching bands pretty much sound like, but now I just realize it. But it has like a certain broken charm. It sounds like a Tom Waite's album. - Yeah, yeah. It just like from that Fernwood night when he was on there, that was like on YouTube. Anyway. - So are you catching up on a lot of these shows you missed? - I am, I am, I am. I've gone Netflix and Hulu and... - Do you feel like you have to do that? Or you're just like so interested in these things that you missed? Like people reference things they watch and they're like, I have no idea what that is. I have to go research it. - Oh, it just helps me sleep. - Fred. - So I had so many things, just insomnia, really. But, okay, okay, Tuesday at 5 p.m. I would have had to watch Wild America because that was what was on in this '91 television guide and my dad always, anytime Wild America was on, we had to watch it. We were, it wasn't an option. You had to watch Wild America with Marty Stover. - What do you like, Quiz, you wanted or was it like we're watching in silence, learn from this? - Yeah, you watched it in silence and he'd say, oh, this is a good one. And you just watched Wild America and you learn about nature and that was it, you know? So, we had to watch it. - Is that a bad thing? - No, it's not a bad thing. - Were you ever able to apply anything you learned from Wild America to your real life? - Oh yeah, all the time, bears. - Yeah! - Just how to deal with bears? - Oh yeah, never get in between a mama, black bear and a cub. You don't ever do that and then also just play dead. So most of my junior high years playing dead. - Yes. - Most of your teachers were mama bears. - Yeah. (laughs) - 6.30 p.m., cause be sure, because I didn't know the future. - Yes! - 7 p.m., who's the best? 7.30 p.m. I recognize faulty towers on there. I love all British shows. - And you're watching a lot of PBS too. - Great, yeah. - What a weird, what a weird, I have two British shows, Faulty Towers and Benny Hill. - Yeah. - Could not be more different. - Oh yeah, right, anything British. I love French and Saunders, I love anything from over the pond. A.P.M. Roseanne loved it. - Yeah, that was probably the most midwestern show on it this time. - Exactly. - And that was the most blue collar realistic show. - I think it's a fantastic show, and I still think it's one of the greatest shows of all time. - Easily, I mean, I think it's by far the best sitcom of the '90s, I would say. - Whoa. - That's a bold statement, and I'm gonna make it. - That's very bold, that's very bold. But Roseanne is now a judge on the last comic standing reality show. - Yes. - And a lot of people get mad at her because of how she judges, and I guess she seems a little out of it, but I mean, she's pleased. She lives in Hawaii, she's coming over there, she has a major time jump. And she's tired, she's had a full night. - She remember how this seems to get cost over a lot, but Roseanne was such tabloid fodder, and she wrote like 17 autobiographies, and two of them were about her having like 45 personalities. Do you remember when that happened? She was on all these talk shows about like, "Oh, I have seven personalities." And people were like, "Wow." And then everyone was like, "Oh, forget it." Like no one ever talks about it, they're still in the books. It's like, "Oh yeah, no, that was just the thing." You know, it was face. - Really? - Yeah, it was like... - Was this before or after her? Was this after her show? - During the show. I mean, not while you're watching it, but while she was making it. (laughing) - Wow. - Yeah, people forget now. - Well, Tuesday Gerald was watching Chicago versus Philadelphia. - Of course he is. He's a big Chicago fan. - Baseball Law and Order. Rodney Dangerfield, he's getting into his comedy part. It's at 9.30, 10 p.m. crime. - Just crime. - Crime, anything crime. But then my thing at 9 p.m. I would have had to get ready for bed, but that night I would have tried to stay up to watch Kenny Rogers in "Coward of the County." - That's a made-for-TV movie, "Western" starting. Kenny Rogers. - Do you believe, can you believe this? - Kenny Rogers tried to do a lot of acting and it was a mistake. - I can't believe that you know all of this stuff. Look, I don't want to know Kenny Rogers' filmography. (laughter) If I could make some sort of fussy and bargain to get rid of it, I would get it out of my head. But he was in quite a few things and here was the rule that I had as a kid. If Kenny Rogers is in something and Dolly Parton's also not in it, it's not worth watching. (laughter) Smokey Mountain Christmas, Kenny and Dolly Christmas to remember, great. - Yeah. - That movie not so great. I don't want to know something else. I bought this past summer as at a garage sale and I bought this Kenny Rogers cookbook 'cause I was like, oh, wow. - I want to look like Kenny. - That didn't get sucked in. And I was like, "Kenny Rogers must know some good recipe." I have gone through the pages and I'm like, every one of these recipes has pineapple in it. And sponsored by Dole, the whole cookbook. So I got sucked in. Never meet your heroes. - Kenny Rogers sponsored by Dole. - Yeah, right. - I never would have guessed. - The funny thing is for Kenny Rogers, I don't think there's anyone who's like, oh man, Rogers sold out. Like people were like, yeah, that seems well right. (laughter) - Yeah, nobody's surprised. Wednesday, 5 p.m. Entertainment Tonight for Gerald. - Have you ever seen Entertainment Tonight? You? Not Gerald? - I have seen it, but I could count 'em on one hand. It's an interesting show in the transition that, 'cause it was sort of an anomaly at this time, 'cause no one really reported on Entertainment, which is probably shocking to people where that's all we do now. But there's a weird transition in the 90s where all of a sudden everyone who hosted Entertainment Tonight was only capable of shouting. Like I know there would be like a normal new show and they're like, oh, here's a story about whatever. And whenever I flipped to it now, it's like he cranked up techno music and they're just like, "Story!" Like they're all yelling at the top of their lungs and it's very, very strange. - New way to grab attention. - Yeah, just keep yelling about Kim Kardashian. - Well, I went to watch that. I probably would have watched Elf, 'cause there was an Elf rerun. - Did you enjoy Elf when I was in? - I did like Elf. I did like Elf. - Do you believe in aliens? - Um, yeah. - Do you think they would be like Elf? - I had a thought about aliens the other day, 'cause my husband any time we ever drive through a mob place, like he's like, that's where Vinny, the bobblog got wafted, but he's like-- - He's really into mob history? - Yeah, he, for when Netflix first came out, he had an accountant. He only offered up documentaries about the mob or about Egypt. So I was like-- - The original mob. - About mummies. So I was like, well, Netflix must just be like, just for documentaries and all they have on there are things I don't want to watch. - Things that start with them. - About the mob and mummies. And I never did the research myself to see that they have everything. It's a, it's a-- - It's a cornucopia. It's totally, yeah. - Dreams, so-- - Did you ever question his love of mob and mummies? - Not, I let him have it. - So you have mummy issues? - Oh! - Oh, nice. - Also, I think that with the sort of the sexification of vampires, and however it's mixing them and with everything, we could make a really good mummy mob movie, like mobsters versus mummies. - Yeah. - 'Cause they, they steal, they try to steal this Egyptian treasure that's being moved around the country and these different museums. The mob's gonna steal it. And actually they steal the mummies by accident. And then the mummies try to get revenge or revenge on these mobsters. - Yeah. What are you doing here? Get out-- - I don't know, I'll be like, like Goombas and the Gaza Strip. - Yeah. (laughing) - Get that pitch jacket out, don't really like-- - Yeah. - Yeah. - There is a movie from 1981 called "Dawn of the Mummy." That's about mummies versus fashion models. (laughing) And it was made by a guy and a Egyptian director. Yeah. - Don't be righted, Don. What is it? - "Dawn of the Mummy." It was marketed as a pseudo-sequel to "Dawn of the Dead," but it's actually, this like, for the first 45 minutes, it's just like fashion shoots in front of pyramids. You're like, "This is not a horror movie." And then all of a sudden, mummies show up and then just, they fight models for another hour, yeah. - Really? - This sounds like a great quote. - It's a pretty good movie, yeah. - Yeah, I'll look that one up. "Dawn of the Mummy." - "Dawn of the Mummy." - "I have a niece who's a model." She's a six foot scrawny. - Could she take a mummy? - Yeah. Oh God, I'm so afraid of her. - She's strong, when she's not modeling, she goes back up to Northern Wisconsin and washes dishes at her mom's bar. So at my sister's bar. And so she's like, she just got back from Singapore and she did Harper's Bazaar, she did nylon magazines, she did all these magazines. So she gets back from overseas and then she goes back into the woods and washes dishes. - Why aren't you pitching that as a reality series? - I wanted to, I kind of wrote her into something. But what's crazy is we knew something was up with her 'cause when she was younger, she would go in ninth grade to wash dishes in like hot pink high heels. And she's so tall and scrawny and then she also has scoliosis. So like she'd be in her high heels and the sink would be way down there. And then I'm like, oh. - Well that's a good way to get scoliosis. - Her back, yeah, but I mean she makes it work. She's had a successful career with the. - With the model? - With the scoliosis. (laughing) - And braces and vise line. Like you think you can't be a model, you can. - All kinds of braces. - So that's the point of that. - Yeah, that's a happy ending of that story. - 6 p.m. new heart. - I absolutely love you. - I love bad new heart, like when I first started comedy, I was like, well it should be exactly like bad new heart. - Get me a phone. - Oh gosh. - I, whenever I do stand up, I always think that I'm ripping off Bob Newhart and nobody would think that. But like I'll say something and be like, what, I'll rip off a new heart. And I don't think, but Newhart is my absolute favorite show that he had too 'cause he had a sitcom in every single decade from the 70s to the 2000s. - He did it, yeah. - And Newhart is by far the best. And some people tell you it's a Bob Newhart show and they're wrong. (laughing) - His first album was. - The button down mine. - And he had never performed live in front of an audience before that album. And he did that. - He was an ad man. He made that album, became a number one selling comedy album and people were trying to book them for shows. We was like a, the original YouTube star. - Yeah, and to, you're right. Two weeks, he did it two weeks stint in Texas and recorded it. Never, he had written some for radio and he had never performed in front of a live crowd. So, very. - Did you used to watch Newhart? - Yeah. - Do you believe when it was on? - Yes. - 'Cause that's a very rural show. But it's a very cold wintery show. - Yeah. Good characters. - Oh, absolutely. - Yeah, it's great. I want us to just go ahead and skip to Thursday. - Okay. - Because Thursday's really important for me because in Peoria, Illinois, I would have watched this. 5 p.m. While Gerald was checking into work watching Joanna Curran's on Entertainment Tonight. - Oh, nice. - I would have watched-- - She's a director now. - Yeah, I would have watched Wild America again. And I'd like to go ahead and read you the log line. - Excellent. - From this particular episode. - And this was on PBS, correct? - No, no. - This is networked by America. - This is sponsored by that Omaha Mutual Insurance-- - Oh, Mutual Aloha, that's right. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - That was their dull pineapple. - Yeah. - When you turned on Wild American, it turned out just it was all recipes about how to eat the animals from the show. (laughing) It was now sponsored by like some oven company. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh God. Okay, if I would have had cable, I couldn't watch so many things. Like, silver spoons, oh my God, I love that kid. - Ricky Schroeder? - Yeah, I-- - I'm not calling him Rick. I don't care what show he's on. - What's he doing now? I searched for this one. - He still acts, he was on, he was on a homicide or one of the detective cop shows. And he was on NYPD Blue for a while. But he's one of those kid actors that looks like a child who's been artificially aged with some sort of science fiction evil scientist device because his head is the same, but has like stubble that doesn't look convincing. He doesn't, he didn't grow like a normal man. Like he looks like a, like he was, you know, like he had some sort of enchantment. - Here's the-- (laughing) - Here's the log line of the wild America for that Thursday in '91 in August. Post Marty Stover trains his domesticated fishers to live in their natural habitat in the mountains among other animals. - Fishers are vicious cats. Have you ever seen a fisher cat? - Fishers are like Mertens and they're similar-- - They're like weasels, they're like good weasels and Mertens. - We have a lot of them here and they eat everybody's cats and dogs. (laughing) - Yeah, we're cats and dogs. Keep them inside at night 'cause fishers will drag them into trees and eat them. - I had no idea Boston was a fisher cat. - It's a big fisher time. My dad, when I moved into my apartment when I was 18, he showed up with some taxidermy to animals that he had captured and made and one of them was a beaver he made into a lamp. And yeah, well no, the beaver wasn't a lamp was holding like a wood piece of wood that was the lamp. But the other was a fisher cat and it was this fisher cat on like a piece of wood and it was like, ah, like this and he was like, you need this for your apartment. And then I sold it when I moved out for $160. (laughing) - Whoa, wow, we should have took down Antiques Roadshow. - Yeah, take that fisher cat on Antiques Roadshow. - We've been a, yeah. - Mark L. Wahlberg could weigh in on it. - Yeah, you know what's hot right now? First of all, after watching Antiques Roadshow, I know so much about swords. - Yeah. - Like I know way too much about swords. - There's never too much about swords. - Well, it's a hot market right now. Also very hot market, in case you have Chinese stuff, that's breakable. - Yeah, breakable Chinese stuff is a genre. - 'Cause China is coming, the people are coming into the American actions or calling in because China doesn't want to just own their financial institutions. - They want their shit back. - Yeah, that was the punch line of my joke. (laughing) - China wants it shit back, it's true. So you got a kerosene lantern with an oriental flare, save it, it's $50,000. Okay, $630, Wheel of Fortune, it's always on a dinner. $630, all the time. - Would your family get an argument about it? Mine mode wouldn't be on a dinner when people would solve the puzzle and be wrong and they'd be like, you idiot. - I know. - But what happened, maybe it's just my house. - What happened? - Mr. Smith goes to Washington, are you stupid? That's what we had to talk about. - Oh, we help each other when we play Scrabble. We're like, we'll get each other's letters and we're like, oh, you guys. - Oh, it got heated in my house. And if you went for like a family event like a Christmas or something, Christmas Eve, let's say, you were from my grandparents' house and you would get there a little early and my uncle's drunk and everyone's watching Jeopardy. I literally saw fist fights over Jeopardy. - Really? - Yeah. You saw this one earlier today on the New Hampshire station. That's how you knew the answer. - I did not, and then they'd get in a fight. Yeah, Jeopardy would turn into a physical fight. - Wow, but I bet the cancer rates in Boston are way lower than in the West. - Well, no one lives long enough. - 'Cause you're not holding that anger. (laughing) - That's a good point. - You're getting it all. - Yeah. - Yeah, that's good, that's healthy. Then at 7.30 p.m. that Thursday I would have had to watch Wild America again. - It was like a marathon. This day, three days, three times, examining the muskrat. And then-- - No, thank you. - Yeah, and then at 7.30 observing yellow-bellied marmot. So there's like kind of a theme of the weasels. - Weasily mammals. - Yeah. - No stotes. They're cute at least. - I don't even know that one. - Yeah, stotes are like cute weasels that are small and white. - What? - Yeah, stotes. - That's just like a winter weasel. - Yeah, it's like a little winter weasel. (laughing) - I think they're-- - Not "Polly Shores" new movie. (laughing) That would be awful, like ski patrol, "Polly Shores," the winter weasel. (laughing) - No, no, no, no. - No, that would be bad. - Okay, but now I'm probably your only guest who takes you literally in like plans. - No, no, no. This is what everybody does. - My friend's sister just passed out. (laughing) - No, she's just passed out. (laughing) - So, Friday I was so super excited because Friday what we normally would do, my brother and I got to have pop on Friday. - For people in Boston, that's soda. (laughing) Or for people in Boston over 70, that's tonic. (laughing) - Okay. - So you could only have one once a week. - We had it on Friday and my brother and I got to split a glass bottle of Coca-Cola. - Nice. - Yeah, and it was really exciting for us and usually like in the winter, this is summer, but you know, it was rain and maybe we would rent a VCR from the hardware store two towns over for five-- - I wanna emphasize that rent a VCR. Not rent a movie, you would have to rent the player as well. - Yeah, yeah. And then like it's five bucks for the whole weekend. And so we could like, that was just such a good memory of getting, and we'd get one movie. Like I remember we got Strange Brew one time and we watched it, like, my brother watched it seven times in a row. - What's a fantastic movie. - Just watch it from morning to night. - Did you watch SCTV generally? - No. - So Strange Brew was the brother's Mackenzie movie based on the SCTV characters, which is for Brandon and Dave Thomas. It is by far the best movie based on a sketch comedy show and it blows every SNL movie out of the water. - Yeah, it's a great movie. - Yeah, it's fantastic. - Well, he watched that and I mean, that was just a great memory that I had while going through this. I'm like, I want to see him this. I would have been, we would be picking movies out at your checks. - But you probably appreciated the movies more at that time because you knew you had a limited time to watch these movies in a very limited selection. And now like you're saying, when Netflix and Hulu and all these things, you could watch Strange Brew whenever you want and you probably never will. - Yeah, you're right. - But when you got these movies you're like, Friday can have a Coke and you watch this movie, it really means something. - Yeah, it did really mean something. But another one that we watched a lot was coming to America. - Yes. - That's actually, I weirdly hear that a lot of people that were like coming to America just watch it over and over and over again as a kid. - Yeah, but then at night, that Friday night, we would have had to stop watching movies to let my mom watch a pair of aces. Friday night movie with Willie Nelson and Chris Kristofferson. - Ooh, that's a lot of beards. (laughing) - Two of the highwaymen. - Yeah. - And now my mom listens to the highwaymen tapes, which I think it's Whelan Jennings. - Yeah, Whelan Jennings. - Maybe Jamie Nelson, Johnny Cash and Chris Kristofferson. And now we just sit around the campfire, listen to those tapes and she cries. - I think number one, I think you can only buy those tapes at truck stops. And it's the only place that sells them. Whelan Jennings, I bought a single love because he had a song and followed that bird, the Sesame Street movie. - Oh man, do you know that movie? - Yeah, Big Bird, it's a very sad movie. Big Bird runs away from home and gets kidnapped by people who exploit him. And basically the lesson of the movie is it's a terrible world and people will screw you over. That's the lesson in Big Bird, follow that bird. But Big Bird's hitchhiking and he gets picked up by Whelan Jennings and they sing, "Ain't No Road Too Long." And I was like, I like this song and I went and bought it, I was a 45 single. Very exciting, very exciting. - Can you tell me the name of the movie again? - Follow that bird. - Yeah, the Big Bird movie from 1985. - I liked all the other Ruppet movies. - I think it's the most underrated Muppet movie. It gets lost in the shuffle. Certainly better than that last Muppet movie. - I would like to, yes, Andy won. I don't know if I've seen the last one. - Well, actually, I didn't see the last one. I saw the first Jason Siegel one where everyone was like, "Oh, you love some Muppets, it's great." And I went and I was like, "This is a pile of shit." It was like someone who'd only read about them up, it's on Wikipedia and then made a movie. And we're like, "I like them." 'Cause look, I made references to old things. I was like, "No, you've missed everything "that made them Muppets great." - I think you would be great on a Muppet movie. - I love the Muppets. - But I feel like it's, after Henson died, does it just nothing? - Yeah. - It's not the same. - It's not the same. It never is the same. Can anybody think of one thing a person has made then died and then it got better once they were dead? - What they were doing after they were dead? - I think it was a great exercise. - So like someone else took over after they died? - Yeah, and it got better. - Oh, this might be an email in Type L. - If you could think of something, email, email, into the show. - 'Cause you air these on Friday? - Yeah, this will probably come out on a Friday, yeah. - On Friday, okay. So where can they email? - They can email TV guidance counselor at Gmail with things that got better after the person died. - Oh my gosh, I can't wait. - I could think of bands that got better after someone was replaced. But unfortunately, the person was still alive. (laughing) - That's a really good-- - Oh. - Yeah? - Joy Division. - New order, better band. - Okay, okay. - And I'll fight anyone who doesn't agree. (laughing) - What about as far as like movies or series or things? - Like a character was recast? Let me think here. No, nothing really. Well, Dennis the Menace, you had a new Mr. Wilson, who I liked a little bit better after the first one died. - Yeah. - Have you ever been camping? - I went camping twice. - Okay. Because I was like, I don't believe that anybody who knows this much about TV has ever been fishing or camping. - I went deep sea fishing one time with my uncles who were drunk. And we were on this boat off the coast of Narragansett and-- - Oh my God, I'm drinking that. - You almost triggered Narragansett. (laughing) - I'm drinking there. - It was off the coast of that beer. And I was maybe 11 years old and they pulled in a bluefish, which are very vicious. They're like barracuda's almost. And I had just read in a book that they have an anticoagulant in their saliva. So if you get bit by a bluefish, you just bleed 'til you die. And so I had read that 'cause that's a good thing to read when they were 11 before you're about to go on a deep sea fishing expedition. And the thing came on the boat and I was flopping I had big teeth and they threw a hammer at me and made me beat it to death. (laughing) - I haven't been fishing since then. (laughing) But I imagine there's not always like that. - No, it's not. - Okay. (laughing) - Oh, most of the time you don't have to beat 'em. I mean, like, yeah, when you're getting ready to clean 'em or whatever, you gotta whack 'em and the hand to die. But like, you're not gonna die doing it normally. - See, I feel like this was more justified 'cause it was like sort of in self-defense. - Yeah, yeah, I feel like-- - It might've held up in court. - That was your, that was Ken's version of like, when you're in the Midwest and you hit a deer, like the proper thing to do is to get out of your car, take your cobar and whack it over the head. So it dies in peace. (laughing) - In peace being beaten to death. - Well, you're baiting it today. - Yeah, yeah. - But I mean, like, that's your version of that, but I mean, it really was in defense, I guess. - I guess it could've eaten me. Yeah, so I'm not really like an outdoorsy person, probably not a big surprise. - No. - 10 p.m. or cineo-haw, I mean-- - I've re-watched our cineo-haw since then. - It was horrible. - It was a terrible show. - It was horrible. - Why was that show so popular? He's an awful interviewer. - It was horrible. - It was horrible. - It was really, really bad. - But you know what, he beat out Pat Sejak. Pat Sejak had a 90-minute late show. - Yeah. - And it, 90 minutes. - Well, that's when the late shows were all 90 minutes. So the tonight show was 90 minutes as well. - Oh my gosh. - They didn't cut it down to 60 minutes until the mid-90s. - Wow. - And Pat Sejak's, you know how everyone had a hand gesture at this time, like our cineo-haw stupid boop boop thing? Pat Sejak's was he would hit a fake golf ball. - What was Johnny Carson's, I thought he-- - Hitting a fake golf ball. Pat Sejak did the same exact one. - Oh, wow. - He couldn't even come up with his own hand gesture. - Wow, I watched the pilot monologue of Pat Sejak and I really thought he did a great job. And then I haven't seen any since then. - The weirdest thing too was like, oh, this guy who hosts Wheel of Fortune, give him a late night talk show. - Yeah. - I would have rather seen Alex Trebek have a late night talk show. (laughing) It would have been way better. - Yeah. I can't vouch for that. - Do you have much to do with it? - I'd be willing to watch it if it happens. - Yes. Well, I think that's all they can ask for. (laughing) - That's all anybody can ask for. Please, but Alex Trebek have a talk show. - So that was basically kind of, it was so predictable because I only had very few options. - The many choices? What do you think you got a lot of good variety in there and a lot of good educational things? - Yeah, I mean, there's some things I just had to watch because it was made to watch them. - Yeah. - I didn't mention Golden Girls on Saturday, but that was a fantastic show. - It still holds up. Golden Girls is a timeless show. It's one of the best ones. - Such a great theme song. - Yes. - I would have looked up who wrote that theme song. - It was a song before the show as well. It was a rare instance where that song was a hit top 40 single in the early '80s and then they rerecorded it for Golden Girls. - This is crazy. - It's not helpful to anyone. (laughing) - I mean, you're doing, you know so much. I mean-- - But about things no one cares about. - And it took you 12 years of doing comedy before you even started this. You were-- - That's true. - Before you even said, hey, I know a little about television. - Yeah, maybe I should tell people these things. I think I was ashamed. I thought I would be rounded up or torches to retorches the way 'cause he's a witch. - It's amazing. - Before we wrap up, I am sort of fascinated by polka and I know that you're in a polka band and there's a show that I watched to this day on the American Living Network called polka party with Molly B. Have you ever seen this show? - I've never seen that show. - He has some regional polka shows. - This is very reasonable, reasonable. I'm a reasonable man. It's very regional, but it airs nationally and it's very low rent. And it's Molly B. who's like this kind of pretty, like maybe mid-20s girl who plays like 35 instruments and the bands are always like these old guys with crazy names and they always shoot 'em in like some holiday in ballroom and there's a lot of old people that are dressed the same, just dancing every Saturday night for an hour and it's on every week and every week I can't not watch it. - Yeah, what channel and what time? - It's on American Living Network. - And what time? - It's on at nine o'clock on Saturday nights, the Molly B. polka party. The Christmas special was Ace. She does a cruise 'cause all the commercials, they have three commercials on this show. The Bionic Ear, which is the old Bionic man is like, I'm old now by this Bionic Ear. - Yeah, it's a marketing. - Yeah, it's a marketing, things about silver bandages for your bad knees. And then to go on this Molly B. polka cruise, that they do twice a year. - Oh my gosh, it's going to probably be a pace that we had on our own show. - Yeah, but it's fantastic. And that's a huge thing in Midwest, these regional polka shows. - Yeah, it did. I only do like one or two gigs a year now for polka, but that's how I started was I, well I have two degrees in music, so that's why I do comedy. - And music's make a comedy, that's the rule. - Yeah, but I have a clarinet, it was my main deal, and we had a polka band in, my polka band started in Nashville, Tennessee. - As all good ones do. - Yeah, yeah, it was just us, and then the one lady who won Grammys every year. So like the worst band, and then the best band. - Well you have to have two sides of the coin. - We're so bad. - Do you ever own one of those shows? - I don't know, original one, polka spotlight in Minnesota. - Was that a big, like I imagine that that would really make your parents go, you've made it. (laughs) - I don't know. - Were they impressed? Did they watch polka spotlight? - I never really told them what it was. (laughs) I don't know what I was doing. - You were embarrassed by polka spotlight? - I know, I mean like, I don't know. - They, I, that's the whole, that's the whole other thing. - Okay. - But they would listen to the Duluth Sunday morning polka, polka station, but it's getting so, I mean I wish more would happen with it because-- - It's kind of going away. - You have New Orleans, Minnesota, Duluth, Minnesota, and Green Bay, but Chicago has an AM, well it used to have an AM polka station, but yeah, it's really, is amazing and like they'd have the polka king and queen of Wisconsin and then-- - 'Cause this is fast, well I'm speaking for myself, but this is I think fascinating to people who live in the East Coast as maybe a completely crazy thing we never heard of. - No, guess what? The best polka documentary is called, in heaven there is no beer and much of it is set in, in New Jersey and the East Coast. - Really? - Yes, yes, and it is an amazing documentary and then there's the, the mockumentary of-- - The last polka with the Schmanis. - The last polka, if you haven't seen that one, it's-- - That is fantastic, that's another SCTV movie. - Yeah, John Candy, Eugene Levy, Rick Moranis. - Yeah. - It's amazing, like-- - Cabbage rolls and coffee. - Mm-mm, good, that's how that song goes. - Yeah, but it's so great and it's like spinal tap, but with polka and it was before a spinal tap. - Yeah, absolutely, the last polka aired on Cinemax, actually, it was sort of an adjunct to the last season of SCTV and it's fantastic. It's Strange Brew in Last Polka, there's your double feature for the weekend, everybody. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, this is, I learned a lot, thank you for having me on the show. - Well, that's what I'm here for, thanks for doing it. - Yeah, tell your families and friends to listen to Ken Reed's podcast. - Please do. (all laughing) - You're on tvguidenscouncilier.com. - That's correct. - I suppose people are, I mean, this is for you guys, not for the people. - Yeah, I mean, for doing really, the people listening found it somehow. - Can I plug my Twitter? - Go for it, yeah, I'll also link to all your stuff. - Oh, you're really nice. I took this seriously, like, you guys-- - You did a very good job, yeah. - You were just coming here and laughing, no, we're gonna talk about the actual schedule. - Yeah. - We're gonna talk about-- - Real life, what's really happening in 1991. In the end, Gerald, who works at the group home, gets some land. - Comes a farmer? - He does, he, first year was a flop, keeps his job at the group home, second year, had a solid crop of soybeans. - Nice, that's when it was being subsidized too, next to Bush. - Yep, and then he got into the sugar beet market and a small commune formed during harvest season on his land. - Called? - If you will, called. So, I'm at Mary Mac Company on Twitter, but I wanted you to know what happened to Gerald. - I think people were on the edge of their seat about Gerald's story. - Well, I mean, like, when you go into a thrift store and you get a used book or a used book store, where some people get used books and you open it up and there's like-- - Descriptions? - Oh my gosh. And also on antiques, Russell, if you ever get something with the, oh my gosh, and it's present, then you save it. - I have a ton of books and nothing is sadder than getting like a used book really cheap. And the inscription is that it was a gift 99 times out of 100, they're always like, I saw this book and I thought of you, you're the best. And this person was like, here's books still, I would never, I would burn a book before. I would sell it to the used book store if someone had given it to me as a gift with a personalized inscription in it. - It should, you should treat it the same way as an old flag. - Yeah. - An old US flag. - Burn it. - Burn it, see. - Yeah, yeah. - Well, thank you so much for doing this show. - Thanks, can't I'm so impressed with your knowledge. - Thank you guys so much for coming up. - Thank you for really knowing, guys. (upbeat music) And there you go, that was Mary Mack live from improv Boston for the Women in Comedy Festival. You can go to Mary Mack comedian to find her. Definitely follow her on Twitter and on her website. You can see where she's coming to your town or maybe not coming to your town or maybe you can go to her town and see her live. Definitely see her live. Also go to Women in Comedy Festival's website, Women in Comedy Festival.com or WICF.com to find out they have a really good blog there and information about all the festival shows and some video and photos and all this. You miss this year, it's too late now, but you can find out for next year and you can come to Boston and see that there. Also on tvguidescounselor.com, I will put up links to all of those things if you don't remember them or didn't have a pen handy. And as we said in the episode, if you can think of something that got better when somebody died, please let me know. tvguidescounselor@gmail.com or can@iconread.com. Also, we did get one suggestion after the show and it was Cheers. Someone suggested that the show got better after Coach died, not because Coach died, but after Coach died. So something like that, feel free to send me a message and I will pass it along to Mary Mack 'cause she was very curious as to anything that might fall into this category. So as always, we have new episodes every Wednesday, non-live episodes, and we'll see you again then for a brand new TV Guidescounselor. (upbeat music) Never get in between a mama black bear and a cob. You don't ever do that and then also just play dead. (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) [BLANK_AUDIO]
