In this episode recorded LIVE! at the Eugene Mirman Comedy Festival in at the Brattle Theater in Cambridge, MA, Ken welcomes John Glaser and Eugene Mirman himself to the show.
Ken, Jon and Eugene Discuss what's worrying TV's Sexiest Detective, Jerry Orbauch's sex appeal, Boston edition TV Guides, artists' renditions of the famous, Chicago as a Detroit suburb, why Detroit is Boston in 2024, the future of video tapes, Virginia Slims as Women's rights, being the youngest vs being the oldest, color vs. black and white, Buck Rogers, That's The Incredible! Hulk, if Bruce is a more gay name than David, Deaf Hulk, Hockey Playoffs, TJ Hooker, Southern Comfort, The Golden Age of Satellite, Dirtbag cousins, Love Boat, musical highlights, being plagued by orphans, the Chicago Mall, Brendan Tartikoff's edicts, TV's "Cowboy", "Oater" Themes, The Oater Varmints first album, kickboxing with only four toes, Steven Spielberg's 1941, TV's Bloopers and Practical Jokes, Censored Bloopers, the invention of Walking Around, Goodnight Beantown, James at 15, shows set in Detroit, "V", Stanley Cup Playoffs, Ken's scary knowledge, Beastmaster, PG movies with nudity, phobias and fears, being a prisoner, are fetishes the opposite of fears, uncumming, Battlestar Gallactica, Tony Randall, "Love, Sydney", Nerd Rivals, Space Vampire, Twiggy vs. Tweaky, Buck Rogers as Jewish Allegory, Ice Pirates, "A Little Sex...", Police Academy is way dirtier than you remember, USFL Football, LEGS, one legged dancers, Cagney & Lacey and their Very Special Episode, wife beating cops, Law & Order, beach crimes, The A-Team, The Deer Hunter, Step mother's loving Entertainment Tonight, "On TV", negative views of the Vietnam War, George Peppard vs. Mr. T, Dirk Benedict, the golden age of comedic looks at hijacking planes, The Amish, Sexy Hunchback of Notre Dame, Three's Company, Celebrity Comedy Fashion Shows, "Prevue", Black Icons are networks vs. white icons as non-networks, The Fall Guy, Ken's confusion over the character names in the Fall Guy, Mind Control, John Vernon, Wings Hauser, Cults, Square Pegs, Soccer, the Detroit Express, Greek Town, Coney Dogs, The Best Sporting Event Jon has ever seen, A very special one hour Facts of LIfe, Alex Rocco, "Nonfiction Documentary", The Children of Darkness, Vincent Price advertising anything, FAME, racist ballerinas, Magnum PI vs. Smokey and the Bandit, Ripley's Believe It Or Note, Amanda's, the US Remake of Fawlty Towers, Gimme a Break, Simon & Simon, Friday Night's lack of sports, Track and Field, Jon calling WGN to complain about disrespect of The Detroit Pistons, The Dukes of Hazard, "Sadie Hogg Day", The Bernstein Bears, The TV Debut of the Shining, Meatballs vs. Meatballs II, Why Eugene is the John Larroquette of our Time, Summer Camp as a major part of Jon's life, Space Camp, calling your camp counselor a "fucking cocksucker", Knight Rider, Night Rider Court, Baywatch Nights, Cycle Gangs, death on 80s TV, Jon's punching of a bike messenger, and Jon's status as a one man A-Team.TV Guidance Counselor
TV Guidance Counselor LIVE! with Eugene Mirman and Jon Glaser as the Eugene Mirman Comedy Festival
April 30 - May 3, 1983
[INTRO MUSIC] Hello and welcome to TV Guidens Counselor. I am Ken Reed, as always, your TV Guidens Counselor. And I'm very excited about our episode this week. This is a live edition of the show that we recorded last Saturday at the Eugene Merman Comedy Festival. If this is your first time checking out the show and you're joining us because of my great guest this week, welcome. A little bit about me in the show. I am a stand-up comedian. I am based out of Boston, Massachusetts. And I've been doing the show about a year and a half. The premise of the show-- I'm a huge TV fan-- is I own every edition of TV Guid. Yes, I will admit that publicly. And what someone does is they pick an edition of TV Guid from my collection. They sit down. They look through it. They write down what they would watch that week in television. And then the podcast is us discussing their choices. And that is exactly what we did last Saturday with my guest Eugene Merman himself and Mr. John Glaser, two guys whose comedy I really, really love. This was a great time. And I want to thank Eugene for having me on the festival. Eugene's been incredibly supportive of my comedy over the years. He's had me on almost all of his festivals. And I can't thank him enough. And also Julie Smith, the producer of the festival, was really great of her to help me down there. And John, who's one of those guys that just makes me laugh so much. When you see so much comedy doing stand-up, you kind of get a little jaded. And John is one of those guys that I literally never have not laughed watching him. And so we did it. We sat down at the Brattle Theater, which I want to thank them as well for having the show there. The Brattle is kind of our Elmo draft house, or Senate family in Cambridge, Massachusetts. I've been going there for probably 20 plus years since I was 12 or 13. I saw so many great amazing midnight movies there and horror movies. And it was really, really cool to get to perform on their stage. So that was kind of a big deal for me. So this is a great episode. We talk about TV in 1983, the week of April 30th. I think you'll really enjoy it. And then you'll check out some other episodes of the show. There are plenty to choose from, and there'll be more to come. So please sit back, relax, and enjoy this week's episode of TV Guns, Consular Live from the Eugene Merman Comedy Festival with my guests, John Glaser and Eugene Merman. [MUSIC PLAYING] Welcome, gentlemen. Thank you for being here and traveling back to the week of-- we can shield people the issue that we're looking at here. It's April 30th to May 3rd. 1983, we'll have it up on the screen here in a moment. There we go. Now this is-- TV's sexy is detective. What's worrying him? Yeah. That doesn't look like anything. No, it's going to say, the article just says nothing. We got a smile. I don't think he's been superseded as TV's sexy's detective since then. So now there's a sexier detective? No, I don't think there-- Jerry Orbox? Jerry Orbox, sexy. Oh, how about Matthew-- no, Matthew McConaughey? True detective? No, I think he's too thin. He's too thin, and he doesn't have the gravitas and the humor. It's true. Of Tom Selleck. Who else? Of the lek as I like to call him. Yeah, the lek. For the lek. Christian Bale? I call him Sales. Sales? I feel like he'd call himself the lek. Like, how you doing? It's the lek. I need those Hawaiian shirts pressed. So I picked this issue because I wanted to pick an issue that I had three identical issues of. So TV Guide was published differently in each region. So there were slight differentiations in each different region of the country, and these are three Boston editions. And I'm a little bit embarrassed to say I owned three Boston editions of a TV Guide from April 30th to May 30th. Is it because the sexier's detective was on it? Well, yeah, I wanted one for each bathroom in my home. [LAUGHTER] I actually don't know why I had three copies of this particular issue, but it worked out. And the first thing I wanted to mention was the cover is something that you don't see very often, aside from the hunk here, it's an artist painting of a famous person on a magazine cover, and you never get that now. I feel like that was an incentive for people to get famous, then, to get a nice portrait. Nice job with the chest hair. Yeah. Yeah. Do you think he sat for this? I don't think he would have needed to. No, you think the person did it by memory? Well, I think you could easily have taken a photograph. They could develop a film in '83. Is that true? Yeah. If he sat for it, he's a fool. I think I could convince a millennial that the reason this is a painting is that Tom Selleck was a vampire, and they're for unphotographable. They had to. There was nothing else they could do back then. So John did a little bit of a disadvantage because you grew up in Chicago, right? Detroit suburbs. OK. Detroit suburbs, Chicago. No, Detroit's-- so you're on Central Time, and this is an East Coast time TV guide. So it's an East Coast town. You're on East Coast time in Detroit? Yeah, Detroit's East Coast, Chicago is central. OK. I don't know anything about it. I only know Boston. I don't know what I grew up there. So they didn't do anything. It wasn't an hour behind or anything like that. It was a normal eight to 10. So you're no disadvantage whatsoever. Detroit is often thought of as the burned down version of Boston. OK. So Boston by 2024. Yeah, exactly. It's future Boston. It's-- I can only call it roller ball Boston. Yeah. So let's dive right in. First of all, actually, there's a next slide. I wanted to say there's an article in this TV guide that says, these are all the things you'll be able to do with videotapes in the future. The one-- I didn't-- this guy said this guy. It is a humorous look at. Yes. Because the one that disturbs me-- and I don't know if you-- this jumped right out at you-- is have a kid. Not be a father. Just have a kid and then jog. I feel like they're all in order as well. Fix a meal. Have a kid. Jog. I'm not sure they understand what video cassettes are. I really don't think that they would. Also, this guy has turned one of his TVs into a fireplace. That's possible. That is possible. And this really just seems like a hobo. Like, I'm like, OK, it's a post-apocalyptic hobo. So let's jump right in. Let's go to Saturday night. What did you guys pick for your choices for the first night of-- oh, actually, I do want to mention one thing. If we can go to the next slide. Virginia Slims is a cigarette that advertised in TV guide frequently. And that's not the unusual part. The unusual part is the angle on this ad is that back in 1903, they had two kinds of exercise classes. His-- and it's guys exercising-- and hers, which is women cleaning a floor. And then the tagline is, you've come a long way, baby. You can smoke cigarettes now. I just want to set the tone for the time, in 1983. I also picked one that was, I think, sort of in the era when I thought you guys probably watched the most TV, like ages 8 to 12-ish. Seems to be when most people kind of watch the most stuff. So '83, you were probably both watching quite a bit of TV. I'm guessing. Yeah, a fair amount. OK, all right. And you're both from families with multiple children? Yeah. OK. But only one television. But only one television. Yeah. So that is important because I think that-- you're the oldest, you're the youngest, middle? I'm the youngest. OK, so you probably set the tone and you were just a victim of whatever all the people you watched. No, the truth is we had one color and one black and white TV, so it was important that I could figure out a way to watch "Fuck Rogers," which I did. Yeah, on the good TV. That's an important show for colors because if that alien's purple, he's the bad guy. But if it's a shade of gray, it's difficult to tell who to root for. Yeah, yes. "Fuck Rogers" was such a subtle show. It really was. You added the colors to pop. Yes. The only gray you want on "Fuck Rogers" is Aaron. That's why I'm-- Solid. So 8 o'clock on Saturday night, what did you guys pick? They didn't pick together. I gave them these TV guides independently, so it would be interesting to see if you picked the same thing. I picked Incredible Hulk. Incredible Hulk. Yeah. Did you watch that every week? Uh, I've watched it a lot, but I don't know when or how. Because you're a-- Some guy would show up with a tape, and he would pop it in once a week. I think it might have been Bill Bexby. Yeah, it might have been just a kid who was painted green. Was a kid who was going to puke all the time? I feel like I remember watching it in the afternoons more than prime time, though it is clearly on a prime time. Yeah, it absolutely is. And this one is David, who was Bill Bexby, who was Incredible Hulk. Do you know why they changed his name from David Banner to Bruce Banner? The show is David Banner. So that it's not a-- a iteration? What was the reason? Because the network said Bruce was a gay name. That's true. Really? They said the name was Two Gay in 1983, and they didn't want people to think-- Little's that they know that David is the actual gay. That is the gay name, I was going to say. So they went with David. Yeah. It's David. There's an amazing thing someone's put together on the internet, where they went through every episode of The Incredible Hulk and wrote down what triggered his change in every episode. And it's called The Hulk Outlist. I'll put a link in the show notes. But it's 100% true, and it's hilarious, because it's everything from a boulder falling onto him to not having change for a pay phone. [LAUGHTER] Wow. We've all been there. So in this episode-- Yeah. David goes to work for a wildcat oil man who has gambled everything, hoping to make a big strike. That sounds very non-super-heroic. Yeah, but I'll tell you this. Linda's played by Christine Belford. Worth it for watching that alone. I'm just telling you the only other piece of information. Yeah, that TV guy has given you. I would have watched incredible Hulk. I was a big fan at the time, even though I was terrified of him. I loved that show. Yeah. You know what bothered me about Lou Ferrignon? I don't know why this made him more scary to me. The fact that he was deaf. Like, when he would do interviews, it really creeped me out. I'm not disparaging deaf people, but for some reason, it really made me smile. That can be very strange. Something about it was weird. But in the show, they never were like, by the way, the incredible Hulk is deaf. This is just the thing you knew about the actor that made-- Although it wasn't why, because he never spoke, and he would have been great in the miracle worker. Like, that's when I read that story, I picture the Hulk. Do you think there were writers that pitched stuff where Hulk couldn't hear? Probably like tried to pepper jokes in where they would-- or the editor would probably put in, hey, over here. And you know nothing. That was just focused over here. That's why he's behind him. Rock concert, and he's like, this doesn't bother me. Turn it up, man. Freedom rock. It's like maybe they're like, that's why he was so angry. If we just were able to fix this hearing, it's like the lion's paw. Pull that thorn out, and he's the pussy cat. The lion's ear. Yeah, just needs a miracle ear. So I was actually terrified of him as a person and a character, and my parents somehow confused that with me loving Lou Frigno as the Hulk. And from my third birthday this year in 1983, they paid a bodybuilding friend of my uncle, my gay uncle, actually, not named Bruce, to paint himself green and show up at my birthday party. And I literally shit myself. And they were like, he's so ungrateful. Still watched it, though. I found Lou's incredible Hulk very comforting, because he'd always help out in a situation where there was danger. He would, but they had sort of an undertone where he would kill the bad guy, let's say the oil baron, and the woman usually, who was being terrorized, wasn't sure if he was a good guy or not. And there was always that moment in every episode where he's looking at her growling, and she's like, are you going to murder me next? And then he kind of just jumps through a wall. Yeah. Every episode. I didn't Lou Frigno's wife come out, and it wasn't she one of the Bill Cosby accusers. Yes, she was. She's also in a great movie called Black Roses about a satanic rock band. Hmm, wow. So she should know true horror. What was your choice, John? You know, I ended up going with Stanley Cup playoffs. Also a thing about the rage inherent in a human condition. So were you watching a lot of sports? I saw that, and I thought I probably would have been watching that, although I really honestly didn't even notice Incredible Hulk or TJ Hooker. And I probably would have been watching one of those. But I also thought, all right, if I'm watching hockey, then I'm going to flip around during the commercials. And then I noticed a movie, Southern Comfort. Yes. And that was my choice. That is a very grim movie. And I will say that I went through this today in my hotel room just doing it. And when I saw that, I googled it. Oh, had you not seen it before? I had seen it a long time ago. The whole movie was on YouTube, and I sat and watched it. You sat and watched it on the carpet? So it's like a time-release TV guide. And we're like, this is on? I'm going to watch this right now. I got the time. Yeah. What's Southern Comfort I've never seen? You've watched it recently. Why don't you-- It's about this group of National Guardsmen, although I thought the casting there will be a little old. Yeah, they are for it to be like, but I guess you could be any age, right, National Guard. Just do it on the weekends, right, weekend warriors. This group of National Guardsmen down in Louisiana, they go on some-- what's that? That's the Southern part. Oh, yeah, I know. And they go on some-- just training mission in the bayou, in the swamps. And they get lost. And they encounter these Cajuns. And it's their three-day Vietnam. Yeah. Against these Cajuns, guys. It's awesome. It's like-- These carotings in it. Keep carotings for the ward. They fight. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's like someone saw Deliverance and was like, this would be a great movie without the rape. If we could make this movie more like maybe like a video game. But is it-- but it's trained soldiers? No, they have blanks. Their guns are filled with blanks. It's a training mission. Oh, OK. And then, you know, they start fucking with these Cajun guys and bad move. Yeah. I don't want to give anything away, but let me just say, bad idea. Here's the weird thing too. There's 11 Cajun guys, and they're all named after an herb or spice. No, that's not-- No, it's only three of them. Yeah. All right. But it's a pretty good movie, and it's a grim sort of-- Oh, man. It's great. Yeah. There's some really-- All right. Would you watch more to watching it on YouTube? Would you watch movies like that, though? That's clearly not appropriate for a teen or preteen at the time. I don't know. I kind of feel like I might have seen it a long time ago. I could have been a young person. Were there rules in your households about what you couldn't watch like appropriateness-wise or amount of television? My mom was too high to give a shit. Nice. Just having a kid like that guy. You come a long way, baby. There were, but I mean, I feel like by early teens, it's just kind of whatever. All bets around. Now, did they have on TV out here? We did. It was-- it got a little dirty at night. Because I'd go to my cousins. We just watched on TV and probably watched stuff like that. American ecstasy. Did he have a satellite dish? I don't remember. I feel like everyone in America for a five-year period had a dirt bag cousin with a satellite dish. You got a tax break or something. And an above ground pool. You had to buy those as a package. They had a below ground pool. They had a very nice house. Oh, nice. Yes. So nine o'clock would you guys go with? Because you went for an hour show, and hockey is more than an hour though. I met you. I went hockey in Southern Comfort. Both, that's my time block. And I went out and murdered 45 people. I was flipping around between live hockey and just Cajuns. Raging Cajuns. Tackin' these guys. I feel like there, you know, there wasn't really any-- I mean, love boat, I guess, a little. But really, I go back to the Buck Rogers that was on earlier. I would just have watched that instead. And just sat in silence and reminisced. And then watched it at nine. Did you have a VCR back then? Probably not in '83, but maybe somewhere around '86 or-- OK. --I can't remember when. I remember finding out about VCRs. And I was like, so I could watch Superman at any time. I was very excited. I was in Canada. Yeah. And then I made people rent Superman. Nice. The original. Yeah, yeah, the only one. It was 19-day through. There was only like one or two of them. Right, that's true. Yeah, it's true. Wasn't Superman. Love Boat that night. Mini Pearl is in the episode. And I swear, this guy was in every single Love Boat, even though he wasn't Burke Convey. And it's a very special musical episode of Love Boat. And weirdly, the TV guy chooses to point out the musical highlights of the episode and who sings the songs. And you will find out that, will the circle be unbroken? Is sung by Dotty West? Which would-- what are the people who are like, what have I got to watch? Well, there's musical highlights. I will tune into this. And a couple is plagued by three orphans in search of a mom. Yeah, maybe I would watch that. It's a little editorializing to say plagued by, isn't it? Because orphans normally, they're like, cute orphans need a mom. And this one's like, these stupid orphans will not let these people enjoy their cruise ship. Yeah, I don't know how orphans-- I guess I'll have to watch the episode to see how orphans got onto a cruise ship. I'm thinking stowaway, but maybe it's like some kind of contest they won by selling stamps. The orphans still do that? I don't know. You have to ask the '80s. Orphans were huge in the '80s. Why was-- I feel like orphans were just a gigantic theme in so many shows in the '80s, where I was completely terrified that my parents would die at any moment, because I just saw so many orphans on television. That's true. There was a lot of-- A lot of orphan stuff. Webster, you had different strokes. Punky Brewster, who wasn't a real orphan. Her mother just abandoned her at a shopping mall. Is that the premise of Punky Brewster? That's the premise of Punky Brewster. Her mother parks in a shopping mall in Chicago, where you're from. But I don't know that right. You might have seen it in the news. I don't know. Yeah. She parks in a shopping mall and is like, I'm just going to run in and get something, and doesn't come out for three days. So then Punky squats in a crappy abandoned apartment building and confirm bachelor George Gaines, who is the superintendent of the building, finds her dancing, and is like, you'll be my daughter now, Punky. Have I showed you my French cuffs? What was the premise of that? Fuck children's show. Well, I'm glad it worked out. Bitched and sold. Sold. That one came from Brendan Tartikoff, the president of the station at the time. He said, I want a show called Punky Brewster, because that's the name of a girl I grew up with. I really don't care what else. Figure out the rest. That's what he used to do. That's your guys' jobs. Or forgive the fuck what it is. Whatever. Just to be clear, it was then very successful. It was a huge show. Yeah, it had an animated series as well. And just to be clear, that's how Brendan Tartikoff talked. Tartikoff-- Hey, it's the top. Let me tell you something. Punky Brewster, make it happen. But that's-- he did that with Miami Vice as well. He told Michael Mann, he wanted, quote, MTV cops. And then he's like, OK. Yeah, we're done. That's how Schill's got made in the '80s. Can I read one quick thing? Yeah, yeah. Smolish is really highly enjoyable. And we were kind of talking about this before the show. It just seems like it would be fun to get to write these. This is some TV movie called Cowboy, starring Ted Danson, Annie Potts, Randy Quaid, and George Desenzo, or De Cenzo, as Bentlow. But it says, "A modern day Western, with an old-time odor theme, O-A-T-E-R." What is an odor? Does anyone know what an odor is? I was like a variety speak for Western. What do you speak for Western? Would anyone-- here's that phrase in 1983? A modern day Western with an old-time Western theme? Yeah. So is there-- [INAUDIBLE] What is this Western like? Well, it's kind of like a Western. [LAUGHTER] Wow. They must have had the world's greatest thesaurus at TV God. Can you think of another way to say Western? And they just have some old man chained to a file cabinet in the basement of the building? Oh, dear. But then it says, "A city feller spelled F-E-W-L-E-R. Oh, played by James Brolin, not credited with the main cast." Good old Jimmy, longs for a home on the range, but varmints won his land. Varmints are like Western rats. I'm guessing Ted Danson played a varmint. How many bands in, let's say, the Pacific Northwest are called odor varmints? [LAUGHTER] Three or four many? It also says, after the description, a 1983 TV movie, which is quite obvious from the rest of it as well. It's 1983 right now. You're watching a movie on TV. It's this movie. [LAUGHTER] Can we go to the next slide? Actually, there's one thing on this, and I don't want to mention. World Championship Kit Boxing, tonight from Caesar's Palace, super fight of the decade. I just really love the clip art they've used of just the foot kicking a boxer in the head right there with the Budweiser bow tie. I would have been very, very drawn in by that ad to watch that. And this family has four toes. Yeah. Yeah. That's-- I'm missing a toe? No, no, that's four toes. That's four toe wallace. He was a very famous kick boxer. He had that weird kind of tumor on the side of his foot. That's the fifth toe. That's why he was so good at kickboxing. If this was now, that would be like, look at this Photoshop before and after. They're trying to get a vision of beauty in kickboxing, where you have four toes and one on the ball of your foot. And this guy is just like, get those toes away from me. It's not even a good kick bump. He's like, I want to read her up. Guys, I got my big TV at Guide Add coming out soon. And then he's like, the back of my head. Sunday night, the Lord's night. What did you guys go with at 8 o'clock? No, Sunday night. I kind of went all the way through. I've never heard of this movie. But there was a big ad for it. Where is it? Where's the big ad? Here it is. Steven Spielberg's 1941, starring Dan Hachroyd John Belushi. You've never heard of that movie? Not really. Really? Steven Spielberg made a movie with Dan Hachroyd. No, no one had told me. Yeah. Didn't do very, very well. It was a huge bomb. Yeah, not a good one, but he made it. Yeah. It almost ruined his career. Steven Spielberg or the Rhett others? Everybody involved. It was a huge group. John Candy. Yeah. Like Roy. Eddie Diesen. Who? Eddie Diesen. Oh, yeah, right, poor guy, right, hard times. Yeah. So I would watch it, and then I'd go, oh, ugh. And would you be like, is this a documentary about World War II? It's from 1979, and it was supposed to be Belushi's huge film debut, really. And Animal House was supposed to be like this little movie no one cared about. And 1941 had a comic book adaptation that came out. So did Steven Spielberg write and direct this? He directed it, but I believe it was written by Robert Zemeckis. And Chris Columbus had a craft script as well. Yeah, it's an amazing cast. It's a movie that doesn't get a lot of love now for kind of good reason. But it's sort of a beautiful mess. Like, it's a pretty entertaining movie to watch. It's like a comedic heavens gate. The "Arlen Morris" documentary? No, about the-- about the pet sanitaries? Yeah. No, the-- It's a heaven. Sorry. It's a heaven. It was a huge book. Not a whole plot. Yes, it's true. It was a-- I mean, they spent like two years making this movie. And it was one of the most expensive comedies ever made at that point. Is it-- what do you say? It's the Ishtar of 1983, or '79? I would say, yes, it is. OK. Great. Yeah, there's a lot of-- Well, I'm sorry. I wanted to see it. No, no, it's worth watching. It has Robert Snack and Christopher Lee. Yeah, no, it's got-- I mean, talk about having Warren Oates and Ned Beatty. Not Ned Beatty Jr. No, just saying what it says here. And the TV got-- so let's move on to the next slide, because that's this night before John tells what he's going to say. Because this was on tonight as well. TV's Bloopers, you goofed again. This was a big one, and I think would have been better than 1941. But John, what did you go with? I went with that. You went with TV's Bloopers? Well, because I was like censored. OK. Did you think it would just be boobs and stuff? Well, it's just like, why show a censored blooper? Yeah, they would-- Oh, my god, is it just-- is it bloop boop? Are you censoring swear words? Yeah. And they would-- so bloopers were-- It seemed like a really lame name. It just seems like bloopers. That sounds fun. Oh, censored, who gives a shit? It's just a black screen for an hour. We told you. But this was-- TV's blooper started in 1980 as a series of specials. And by this point, they tried to make it a weekly show. And there was actually two rival shows, one of which was called Follow Ups, Bleeps, and Blunders, that was hosted by Don Rickles. And one was called Life's Most Embarrassing Moments. That was hosted by Steve Allen. And this one is the one that made it, because it had Dick Clark, clearly, and Ed McMahon, Boston's own. And it was interesting for people, because you never saw bloopers. They were like this mythical thing, and you got to see sort of behind the screen. And there was a guy named Kermit, I forget his last name, who created the blooper. He used to tape radio bloopers and release them as LPs. And then in the '70s, it would transcribe bloopers and release them as books. And this was popular. This was popular. So you could-- Is this before the invention of candy or walking around the room? I think it was during the flat earth. I invented walking around. Wait a minute, someone did, right? So what sounds more fun than reading a blooper? Because you're like, wait, we can just walk without a destination in mind? Yes, so you could-- and you can get them on Amazon. They're super cheap, they're like little paperback books. I wouldn't hope they're super cheap. Huge collector's market. But I always wondered, because I would see them at flea markets and use bookstores all the time. And I'm like, did people just read or read these out loud to each other? Now I want to have a stage reading of a bunch of bloopers. You should, because they really are. You've oddly been scripted. It's like someone calling a character by the actor's name, and they're like transcribe that, or like a flub of line. And someone's like, wow, this is hilarious. But so they were showing them on these. And it was very, very popular for a number of years until they ran out of bloopers. And they started having to do practical jokes as well, including one on Stevie Wonder. Go. Yeah. So I would have watched this most nights. But if we go to the next slide, there's something else I want to point out was on. "Good Night Beantown," a show that you've probably familiar with it from the "Drop Kick Murphy" song. They don't have a song about "Good Night Beantown," people. But this was a show starring incredible Hulk himself, Bill Bixby. And he played a Boston news anchor that was forced to co-anchor the news with his ex-wife. [LAUGHTER] Yeah. And it was based on a famous couple here in Boston, Chet and Natalie, who were-- Were they divorced? I believe they were divorced at the time. Wow. So this was-- Yeah. Chet and Natalie are here. So I think Chet's dead. So he's still here. But this was based on-- it was a very Boston-centric show. And it was a very weird single-camera sort of dramedy. Oh, really? Which you don't really get by the ad here, which shows them just in the rain. And this was the debut. And I would have been very excited about this, because it was a show set in Boston. And we didn't have a lot of those at the time. Yeah, we had what Spencer for Hire? Spencer for Hire started in '85. Cheers started in '83. And before that was James at '15, which ended in 1980. What did we have before that? James at '15 with Lance Kerwin. It was the show that Kevin Williamson based Dawson's Creek on, which is very weird. But you didn't have-- did you have any show set in Detroit at the time? Or Ann Arbor. Besides hockey. The Iggy Pop sitcom? He's set in Ann Arbor. Yeah, it's just the Stooges. Yeah, MC5 House. Just like the young ones. I'm trying to think of there were any Detroit shows. I can't think of any Detroit shows ever. They're real. Ever. What's that? Magna P.I. but not Detroit. Magna P.I. was set in Hawaii. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Your answer to the question were there any shows based in Detroit was Magna P.I. but not Detroit. There's this one show that's not set in Detroit that I'm going to name. Yeah. Magna P.I. was probably the least set in Detroit show I can think of. He wore a hat of the Detroit Tigers. Where was the facts of life based? Dude, the facts of life was based in Peekskill, New York, upstate New York. Did this person in the audience think that wearing a Detroit Tigers hat made you-- it was like an embassy? Like, if you wear that hat, it's technically Detroit soil, no matter anything under that hat. Was there ever a robo top sitcom? There was a robo cop TV series, but it was filmed in Canada. And yeah, it was set in New Detroit, actually. It wasn't shot there. Yeah, but that's probably in the 90s. That was in the 90s. Robocop had a series of TV movies, including Robocop, Dark Justice. And a syndicated hour-long TV show and animated series. And actually, the Robocop TV series was produced by Ken Johnson, who did The Incredible Hulk. Yeah. And also did The Thing I Would Have Watched this evening. Well, the knowledge. Yeah, I know. The amount you know is somewhere between amazing and upsetting. Yeah. If you think that's true for you just hearing it, think of how true that is for me having to have it. Yeah. Yeah. So 9 o'clock, would you go with Eugene? You're watching 1941 all night? Oh, 9 o'clock. No, I was like, well, I have to sing the first hour of 1941. I was like, ooh, and I switched right to V, part one. Yes. Terrified. Did you pick me? Stanley Cup playoffs. OK, Stanley Cup playoffs. Well, you're watching that lizard people are taking over the world. V was a huge deal at this time. I mean, everyone was talking about V. This was made for TV miniseries. Well, I don't know why I said made for TV. There wasn't like, do you do miniseries in the theaters? I guess every movie is technically a miniseries. And this was originally supposed to be a show about neo-Nazis taking over the US. And Ken Johnson, again, the guy who created The Incredible Hulk for Television and The Bionic Man did this show for NBC. And he pitched it as a show about the rise of neo-Nazi fascists taking over America. And they said no. And then he said they're aliens. And they said, yes. That's literally how he pitched that show. Nice. And this was a two night event. And it was terrifying at the time. Yeah, I remember being very scared. The people had basically skin masks and were aliens underneath. And you found out at the end of the first episode. So I just ruined it for you. We're Diana, who was the queen of these aliens. And it was very hot. She was played by Jane Bader, who was former Ms. New Hampshire from New Hampshire. And the final-- yeah. She lives in Australia now. You've been a doctor. I know. I've done nothing for humanity. No, you've recorded it. You're like, who threw the washer? Yeah. Yeah. Marvel Thomas reference reference. Yes. There was a Marvel Comics v series. Do you remember that? No. But I do. You do. Yeah. Marvel Comics also published a comic book adaptation of 1941. That was the first published comic work by Steven Bassett and Rick Vichu went on to do Swamp Thing. But anyway, are you going to have children when you-- No. No, court ordered no. No, I am. I would not have children. OK. Welcome to. They'd be forced to read these as their nighttime books. They would. They would. Let's sit down and read the synopsis of Good Night Beentown tonight, kids. I don't need to buy you children's books. Look at all the books we have. You know how many TV shows you can watch? Quote unquote. That I can tell you about? Yeah. So V was terrifying. And I remember going into school. And that was the talk of the schoolyard at my school, where everybody had seen this thing when it was revealed. They were aliens because they kind of kept it under wraps back then. You just thought it was they were. They came and were like, we're here to help you. And then it was like, they're here to eat us. Yeah. Because the scene where in the cliffhanger in the first episode, which also starred the Beast Master himself. Who's the Beast Master? Mark Singer. Mark Singer, I knew that. Oh, OK. Did you guys have cable growing up? I watched. I don't even know how many times I watched Beast Master. You must have had HBO. It was on cable. I watched it every time. I had cable starting at some point, yeah. Because there was a joke that, I don't know who came up with this, but that HBO stood for, hey, Beast Master's on. Because it was on so much. Whenever I got cable, it was after the Beast Master. It was after-- well, TBS, which kind of took over the baton for HBO, people would say, it's the Beast Master station. Could you say, is the Beast Master? It is the Beast Master station. That is my new favorite joke for sure. There you go. Because Beast Master's on. Hey, Beast Master's on. The other HBO joke, did you guys have this one? You had an universal joke. Anywhere you are in the world, you're going to enjoy it. You guys get HBO here? Hey, Beast Master's on. Will you do me a favor and have that translated to every language? Absolutely. Hey, Beast Master's on. Well, I get news for you, John. I've just done that. The UN, there's the guy at the mic, and he's like, hey, Beast Master's on it. Then you see all the translators going-- But Beast Master was so popular on TBS that they made a made-for-TBS sequel called Beast Master 2 through the Portal of Time, with Kari Wurr. Was that popular? No. Is Beast Master a movie? Yeah, it was a movie done by Don Korskarelli, who did the Phantasm movies. And it's about a mess of a beast whose man-- It's about Mark Singer, who's kind of like Tarzan, except he has ferrets. Is it fun? Tonya Roberts is naked in it. Yeah, that's a huge plus. Yeah. Watch Southern Comfort and Beast Master. There was a series of PG movies that had nudity that was like a loophole for kids, because HBO would show them before 8 o'clock at night. They wouldn't show nudity movies till after 8 o'clock, except for this small group of PG movies, which I have committed to memory, like everyone from my generation. You're just mostly the Beast Master? Beast Master? Do you know them? What's that? Do you know these movies? PG movies. PG movies with nudity? There's many people in my age range who would just rattle it off like the up-up-down-down contra. It's like those are the two pieces of information. They're like, yeah, the PG movies with nudity. There's Beast Master, the Invisible Kid, 16 Candles. And none's on the run. No, I thought they mostly are movies that nudity. Well, you could have had a much more robust childhood. No, I'll try to watch those now. The dad from Good Times is also in Beast Master. He is Johnny, I don't know his name. Johnny, he was terrifying in Beast Master. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Very good. Was he naked? That's why he was terrifying. And he kept calling Mark Singer JJ. I didn't really understand it. But V, the cliffhanger of the first episode, is Diana comes into her office and has these guinea pigs, and you're like, oh, that's cool. The aliens kick guinea pigs. And then she unhinges her jaw and eats it. No. You're like, oh, no, what's going to happen tomorrow night? Right, if they'll eat this, maybe they'll eat people. Probably eat us. So I want to watch that for sure. That is an excellent thing. And if we can go to the next slide for a second as we move on to Tuesday, I didn't want to point out this. This was a local news story called Prisoners of Fear that was a five-part report on the causes and treatments or of different fears and phobias with a Maya Valera who was a very popular local news anchor. They would never have a story like this on local news now. It was pretty heavy, full-page ad for the people listening is a man in a box. Some people, the tights, other crowds are flying and it's all about phobias. Do you guys have any phobias? Like legit phobias? I don't think I have, like, definitely I wouldn't love to be surrounded by bugs, but it's not a phobia. Nobody would like to be surrounded by bugs. No. In fact, if you love that, I think whatever the opposite of a phobia is, that's a mental illness would be. Right, right. A fetish? What is the opposite of a phobia? I don't know. Let's say it is. No. So it's not like a phobia makes you uncom. Well, I think by its nature, it should. Enjoy this new expression. Yes. Also, probably a band in the Pacific Northwest. I'm pretty sure I had a million dollars. I would safely bet that I've never heard anyone say "uncome." Is that like the seven up of sex? It's the uncola. I'm going to make you uncom. Do you have any phobias? John, none. I don't know. I'll just say spiders. Spiders. Not an insect. An arachnid. That's right. Great. Eight. I'm going to go with spiders. Yeah. So let's move on to Monday night, eight o'clock. If we go to the next slide as well. There's a movie on that we'll talk about in a moment on this Monday night, but Eugene, what'd you go with at eight o'clock? Eight o'clock. What did I do? What's the... There's a lot of movies on Monday night. Monday night in the early '80s was a very TV show light night, and they would always show Monday night movies. I picked for Monday night Battlestar Galactica. So you loved that show? I liked Battlestar Galactica. I loved Buck Rogers. Okay. So you are huge sci-fi fans. If I don't know what Love Sydney is. That was the first show with a gay character. Sounds very good, but it's not people fighting in outer space. No, Love Sydney was Tony Randall of the odd couple. Swoozy Kurtz. Swoozy Kurtz. Swoozy. Swoozy. The Swooze. Patrick Swoozy. She... That's not his real name, his real name is Swoozy Kurtz. But Love Sydney was about Tony Randall, he was a gay man where they never really came out and set up what everybody knew in America, who had some children that he had adopted, and it was sort of a groundbreaking show for the time that everybody hated, did not last very long. But it got a lot of press at the time. I would not have watched that, John, what did you go with at eight o'clock? I went with That's Incredible. I feel like I really watched that a lot. I watched that all the real life. I might have watched it since familiar, is that where people did something amazing with nails and... Yes. It was always bed and nails. It should have been called bed and nails. Yeah, there was... So... For sci-fi... Bed and nails, et cetera. Bed and nails, and then some other things. And someone with no legs who does something amazing. But bed and nails is really the top built here. Sci-fi had a huge boom after Star Wars, obviously, which has been well documented. But there was a lot of sci-fi TV at the time, which was probably pretty cool if you were a kid that was into sci-fi. Yeah. And you could watch in like everything. It wasn't camps of people being like, "You like Buck Rogers, I'm a battle star galactica person. I hate you." Right. That's not a thing now, right? I think that's a thing now. I feel like people are like, "I like DC movies and I hate you because you like Marvel movies." Or like... That's not a real thing. I feel like that's a thing, everybody. Isn't that a thing? Yeah, grownups are like, "I'm Star Trek, not Star Wars." I've seen it come to blows. I hope it does. Remember the sci-fi wars. Yeah. But a lot of fun shows were on and in decent budget shows, do you remember the Buck Rogers episode, the most terrifying Buck Rogers episode with the Space Vampire? Yeah. Totally remember the Space Vampire. That I still have nightmares about. Is that also the one where there was a lot of '70s roller skating? Yes. Is that true? Yes. Yes. Yeah. See, I really do recall it. Where's this robot's name? Twiggy. Twiggy. Twiggy. That's right. It was not Twiggy. Twiggy was his robot girlfriend. Yes. Twiggy. Twiggy was Dr. Theopolis, was the thing he carried around that was real smart. His sentient chest? Yeah. His sentient chest. It would be funny if people had trouble not talking to his chest and he's like, "My eyes are up here, but your intelligence is in your chest. I'm very confused now." Couldn't really explored some social issues with Buck Rogers. Yeah. But that little robot, they did like a, maybe it was at the end of the episode, like something where he went beady, beady, beady, beady. Yeah, I am. Lihayam. Well, Mel Blank did do his voice and he was a famous Jewish person. Oh. Maybe that's why I liked it so much it had this, it had a sort of Shabbat quality to join. Shabbat. Most of Buck Rogers was a very thinly coded Jewish allegory. Like that time where the ship flies for seven days on one day's worth of fuel. Exactly. Yes. Yes. Whenever I go to Lawson... He's the ambassador whose head you could take off. Yes. Yeah. Every time I go to LA, we try to stay in the Bonaventure Hotel because it was featured, partially because it was featured in Buck Rogers as a hotel of the future. 1976 is a hotel of the future. There's a great movie, sci-fi movie that reminds me quite a lot of Buck Rogers that was on HBO all the time that you, I'm sure you've seen, Ice Pirates. A long time ago, but I don't remember it that well. You should revisit Ice Pirates. I think it would change your life. I'll do it later. So that's incredible is what I would have done with, I'm agreeing with John here. And my favorite thing about this description is it just says scheduled because it doesn't want you to get disappointed if what you think is on isn't actually on. And it says the landing of a hot air balloon atop another balloonist, a man who competes in marathons while lying on a gurney. And this could have helped the incredible hulk, lasers used in ear microsurgery, a procedure for controlling muscles through electrical implants. My muscles are out of control. Get me a laser. I would have gone with that for sure. Now nine o'clock, this was a difficult decision for me. What did you guys go with? The conclusion of V. Yeah. I was leaning towards that until I saw this other thing I'm going to talk about in a moment. Is it movie a little sex? Is it movie I've never seen or heard of? And it sounds very terrifying at that time. There would be sort of sexual things on TV, I mean, not really overt things. But would you guys be watching TV with your parents usually, or would you be kind of alone or with your siblings? Both I think. Probably not with my parents because they didn't need any fuck Rogers. Right. And I needed a lot. Maybe the 18 murder group we would watch together. You'd watch that. Like the awkward sexual thing being on TV with your parents and then it's silence for like an hour after. Like I would see a promo for last time. We got to be together a lot. Police Academy? Yeah, we didn't constantly watch that. Police Academy. The first one, people forget how dirty that first movie. Very dirty. Yeah. I don't forget. Dad, can we go to the Blue Oyster? Yeah. Yes. No, the first one is pulopobic jokes and nudity. Yeah. I can't believe it was a hit in the 80s. Yes. When that was very frowned upon. Yeah. And George Gaines, who played Punky's father, was coming down beside in those Academy movies. Oh, really? Yeah. Well, look at him. Guy was on top of the world. Like it worked out for him. On top of the world. So what did you do with 9 o'clock? USFL football. USFL football. It's your kind of a junk. Wranglers and invaders. Do you watch a lot of sports still? I still do. Fair amount. Were you playing a lot of sports? I was watching sports on my phone. He was. He was streaming a hockey game I'll play off. Yeah. And Eugene was streaming Bucker. Yeah. You were using Eugene's sci-fi technology to watch sports. I would not have watched either of those things, I think, although as much as I loved V, I was intrigued by a TV movie I had never heard of, which is up on the screen for the people here in the crowd tonight. It is a movie called legs and- We should send so much 70 blood gorgeous legs. Yeah. That was my first thing. It's about the world's first one legged dancer. And then you're like, yeah, I got to predict the size. Yeah. 36 beautiful girls. 72 gorgeous legs. On stage. They're the world's greatest high-kicking chorus line. But when the show is over, the struggle for stardom and the search for love began. A look at what really goes on backstage with those fabulous rock heads, and it stars John Heard of Chudfame, also the dad, and everyone's favorite Christmas movie, Home Alone. And also the bartender and after hours, my favorite Martin Scorsese movie. But that sounded intriguing to me. That's something I would like to watch now, because I feel like V, we can see all the time. I think this very theater has shown it. Legs not really getting shown a lot these days. Probably not something you can really rent. And before we move on to Tuesday, if we could go to the next slide, this is a 10 p.m. show. Oh, there's V, obviously. Very, very good. Next slide for a second. The aliens are friends. This is a terrifying ad for that evening's Cagney and Lacey. It actually says a very special episode on it. First of all, as if you couldn't tell, and it's a woman just absolutely in fear, and it says who can a battered wife turn to when her husband is a cop? I don't know if you guys picked up there, but it means that the cop is the one beating her. I don't know. I feel like they wouldn't do a TV show about that now. Like, I feel like that is huge. Do we make movies? Like, isn't there a movie? About it? I don't know. Battered cop? No. But I mean, I feel like, uh... Lifetime. Life time. Cops are certainly, occasionally vilified on Twitter. Very, very rarely. That seemed like a really, uh, kind of a big deal to show in 1983. Oh, yeah. I don't mean to say that it isn't, sorry. I think it's a big deal to do this in 1983, I think people would still do it now. You think? Okay. I feel like it would be, um... I don't know. I feel like it would be more controversial now. Though, like, this would be too, uh... Polarizing. Oh, and they wouldn't want to make people fight each other? Yeah, I think that they would be like, guys, just fight over the Battlestar Galacta versus uh, Buck Rogers thing, and let's leave the can of copy of "Wifebeater Stuff" off the table. But a show that people kind of laugh at Kaggie and Lacey now, it's a, it's sort of a punchline show. You know what it is? I feel like, uh, Law & Order has definitely had, like, stuff like this. Probably. We have a lot of... Grims. Thanks. Pretty dark. Really, Law & Order is? It's set in Hawaii, right? Is that the one? Yeah. Bert Reynolds? Yeah. Solving beach crimes. Beach crimes. What's your solve? Is that your little Oscar? 'Cause I think you stole it. Yeah. There were six beers in here earlier today. You've soiled by towel. It's a two-parter. Um... Let's move on to Tuesday night, May 3rd, 1983. I'm assuming you guys picked what I have to imagine you did for eight o'clock, but what did you guys go with? Tuesday night. I mean, I picked my favorite show, which was the A-Team. Yeah. I think that was everyone's favorite show at 1983. I think it was certainly the number one and two show of the... Did you like the A-Team? Did not watch the A-Team. What'd you go with? I went with... Stanley Cup playoffs. Stanley Cup playoffs. Well, of course. I went with the B-Team. It was a show. I went Stanley Cup playoffs and the deer hunter. Wow. Okay. You're a mature child. You know, after this violent sporting event, I'd like to see something with maybe Christopher Mulliken and Russian Lebnet. The deer hunter was actually the first uncut movie shown on over-the-air television. It was shown by TV38, a local Boston television station, and they showed it completely unedited. No, really? Yeah. In what year? 1980. Oh, wow. Yeah. Was it to scare children? I think it was to scare children. They were like, "Guys, don't go to Vietnam. It's been over for ten years now, but we'd like you not to ever let that happen again." So you didn't watch a lot of the hour-long action shows? You were like pretty much all sports all the time? Probably a lot of sports. I never got into '18. Watched a lot of love boat. So love boat was okay. Well, it was just, you know, my parents were divorced. It was always, you know, "Go to my dad's for the weekend," and just, "Oh, I'll watch a love boat," and that's incredible and entertainment weekly or whatever that show was. Entertainment tonight. Tonight. Yeah. My stepmom watched that a lot. But then I'd watch sports. But I remember, I feel like I'm probably older than you guys, too. So maybe for me, it was, you know, "Dear Hunter" was my thing. Yeah. But you watched me viewing. Would you watch that with your dad? Like go over his house on the weekend and watch "Dear Hunter"? No, that was more like me and my cousin watching on TV. Yeah, yeah. He was watching stuff like that. He was like, "Oh, this is cool. It's army stuff." And then like, "Oh, Jesus." Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel weird about the military-industrial complex now, and for a moment I thought I was going to-- Just a near flame-throwing, all those guys, and then of course all the Russian-led stuff. It's just, "Oh, this is kind of--" This has changed my outlook on things quite a bit. You know what was an odd phenomenon, too, was that this time you had very negative things set in a pretty recent war. And you don't have that in a lot of popular culture these days. There's not like crazy, you know, crazy Iraqi war vets coming back online order. Right. A little monotone. Yeah. Not like the '18, not like a whole thing. It's like these people were framed in Iraq. Yeah. Now they just help people out in the desert. The US government screwed these guys over, and now they're just kind of, you know, having fun. They're kind of around in an identifiable van, helping widows. So what was it about that show that was your favorite show of all time? It was, first of all, super fun. It was intentionally, I think, both action-y and really funny. Yeah. Murdock, super funny, VA. What a nice guy. Love his. Helped orphans. Hannibal was so confident. There's a famous thing about him where every single thing he was ever in, George Papard, he would introduce himself to all the actors. Have you ever heard this about him? No. His line would be, "I'm George Papard. I'm not a nice man." And then he would be just a complete jerk to everybody. Oh, really? Yeah, I guess on the set of the '18, he was very mad that that was supposed to be his show. Yeah, not VA's. Not VA's. And Mr. T is Mr. T. Obviously, he's going to be the biggest star in the history of the world, is Mr. T. It's a seven-foot tall black man who dresses like an Indian and wears 48,000 pounds of gold. Can you think of a person now who would be on a show cast as a character that they just let show up dressed like they dress? They close with a reality show. Yeah. Like that's like Lady Gaga getting cast in a show about Iraqi war vets and showing up dressed in a bubble suit and people are like, "Yeah, well, that's your character." Yeah. It's a big deal. Very, very weird. So he would have these sort of standoffs on the set where he wouldn't leave his trailer until Mr. T left his trailer and they would go over run shooting time and all this stuff is a big deal. No. I want to point out- None of that came off on screen. No, that chemistry was fantastic. And then you had Dirk Benedict from Battlestar Galactica. Yeah, Dirk Benedict, who he now does, I think, like political commentary. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's good. Interesting. It's involved. (Laughter.) His, anyway, I can't remember it, but his explanation of why Battlestar got canceled was something that was really funny. (Laughter.) It was like a combination of misunderstanding how, like, TV worked in sexism. Yeah. Something like that. But anyway- Can you green light another season of Battlestar Galactica with more chicks in it? Cancel it? That's exactly how it went. (Laughter.) It was a misunderstanding. I'm going to- You know what I'm going to blame? Facts machines. Yeah. It was the early days of facts technology. Yes. I want to go to the next slide because I can show you what the A-Team was about that night. I'm not shocking to me. The A-Team was a comedic look at hijacking, which happened in media a lot at this time. Hijacking was a pretty common cliche for comedies because no one had really- someone can correct me. No one really died in hijacking by this point. It was like, they'd kidnap people or they'd be like, "Take this plane to Cuba," and it would come up all the time, like they'd have a TV show where, like, some frat dudes would hijack a plane to go to spring break. That would be the pollen or something. And this one it goes, "Hi, Jack, a hijack plane, be a stuck in the belly of a bowling, Murdoch's out the controls, fly in blind because he's crazy, and Hannibal's stranded in the control tower, and just the wacky win-loser-draw-esque cartoon they've used here, where they've made Murdoch look very much like vern, like earnest. (Laughter.) Sure. But can you imagine, like, there was a guy whose full-time job was drawing wacky TV guide ads for a living? Yeah. That would be a thing he would put on his friends' profile. Yeah. Yeah. One day. But could you imagine making a comedic thing about hijacking now? I mean, I'm sure you- I would wait another year. Yeah. (Laughter.) Calendar? Year? Yeah. School year. School year. Yeah. It's a September thing. Yeah. Like, I feel like you could not even pitch that to any of that. No. That's crazy. Now I really want to. No, it's like a dare. That's a challenge. That's why I had you guys on the show. You make television and I'd like you to make a funny hijacking thing. I don't remember this episode, but that's not weird, I guess. Well, there are 200 episodes of the 18th. What's your favorite 18th episode of all time? Is there one that stands up for you? I don't know. I mean, I love it when they help the Amish. There's so many good ones. Why? Why did the Amish show up as a plot device and so many hour-long action shows? I don't know. The Amish refused to help themselves. The B-A-Team. Sit up. I can't remember what -- I don't even know if it was the Amish or it was the Amish-esque. When I was in a -- I don't know how familiar you people are with the Amish, which is a phrase I find myself saying far too much. But they have a thing called rum-springer, where when you're 18, I think you can be not Amish for a year and just do whatever you want. Go nuts. Do I document devil's playground? Yes. Yes. Pretty fascinating. It's crazy. And so when I was in a band in the '90s, we would play -- You just tell the story so you can talk about your band. Anyway, I was kid-winger for four years. We would play like in Western Pennsylvania a lot and there's a lot of Amish. And the first show we played there, this cute little book to show, sees these kids come up and he goes, "Oh, shit." I go, "What?" He goes, "It's a fucking Amish." And I thought he was kidding. And I'm like, "Oh, that's funny." He goes, "No." They show up on their rum-springer and they cause all kinds of problems. Like they would just show up and start fighting people and like showing their boobs and like be hammered. Like they would just be like, "We knew what we want for a year. I'm going to fight everybody." Wow. It was like a real problem. So I feel like they could have in that episode just been like, "We were pleased to help ourselves." But here are our berserkers. Like just have some kind of warrior race, their rum-springer. B.A. is like, "Where's your rum-springer? What are you enforcement? Get this girl drunk." That's a... It's pretty good. Arotic fan fiction I wrote about B.A. Barakas. I look forward to reading it later. I also want to mention nine o'clock Tuesday night, if we could go to the next slide here, is a TV movie interpretation sexy hunchback of Notre Dame. This is the hunchback of Notre Dame. How long, if I didn't tell you this was the hunchback of Notre Dame, how long staring at this ad would it take you to figure out that this is the hunchback of Notre Dame? It's Leslie Ann Down as like, as Morelda or whatever. Anthony Hopkins is in it, so this is like a huge cast. He's fresh off of The Elephant Man, which is why they were like, "He can play a twisted freak. Let's have him play the hunchback." He was, I think he was nominated for an Oscar the year before this, and he's barely mentioned in this ad. It's a huge photo of a sexy gypsy. That's their audience. What is she spilling something on herself? I think she's trying to pour a tangerine, a tangerine, a tambourine over her head. So this was a very weird made for TV movie where Anthony Hopkins portrays the hunchback of Notre Dame and Leslie Ann Down plays the beautiful gypsy who doesn't get a name. He loves, in this production, of the Victor Hugo classic directed for television. I would not have watched this, but I would have felt like I was going to get in trouble for seeing this ad. What did you guys go with at nine o'clock? Three's company. Speaking of sleaze. And what did you go with, John? Is it still Tuesday? Tuesday, yeah. Yeah. I have, for me it was NHL and Deer Hunter Crossville. Oh, that's right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's like Three's company. Did you watch Three's company every week? I watched a lot of Three's company. Again, I don't remember watching it as much at night as I do in the afternoons. Yeah. That was an afternoon rerun show. That was a show that was so sleazy. And I always thought I was going to get in trouble for watching it because they would have, I don't even want to say double entendres. They would just kind of like, entendres. It was just like, I live with two chicks. I'm going to do them. Oh. I thought you were a second. I just didn't make any sense. And that's when it was only respectable to be gay on television if you were pretending to be gay for cheap rent. Yes. I would think it'd be really funny if some right wing conservative guy, you know, maybe a former TV star is now a political commentator, would go on the air and be like, there's all kinds of people pretending to be gay to pay cheap rent. We need to put a stop to it. I've seen the documentary Three's company Wednesday night, eight o'clock, would you go with? Oh, Wednesday. This is a tough night. This was a very special one hour fax of life I should mention. Oh, yeah. I might have gone with it. I went with something that started at seven, but it ended at eight thirties, so I thought that counted. Oh, yeah. And I just, oh, yeah. Because it, the name, celebrity comedy fashion show, that's the name of it. Yeah. What is it? Oh, it's a celebrity comedy fashion show. Yeah. That's what it's called. Yeah. Oh, do we need something? Like a more exciting name, right? Nope. It's like a store brand variety show. So this, this description is great as models. They're leading with models and a raft of stars romp through the melodramatic spoof of the fashion industry among the cast Jane Fonda, David Steinberg, Chevy Chase, and Morgan Fairchild. There's no way I don't want to watch this right. What was PRV? PRV was called preview and it was an early pay TV station that not everybody got. It was, there was cinemax, there was HBO, but preview was sort of the Northeast's version of our, of those pay channels and it was only on after 7 p.m. Okay. Let me ask this very quickly. I'm trying to remember what, how some of the icons are black and some are white. Is that VHF, UHF? No, not always. So it was the networks or non-networks. So yeah, so occasionally by happenstance it would end up being UHF, non-UHF, but it was networks versus non-networks. So white, we're non-networks. Well I put pick for eight o'clock, I realize now, Fall Guy. Fall Guy, let's go to the next slide. This is a fantastic episode of Fall Guy, cults out to rescue a beautiful younger, oh, to rescue beautiful young girls, plural, from a master of mind control. There is no way in hell this Fall Guy would not have been watched. Do you remember how big mind control and brainwashing was in the 80s? It never comes up now. No, but I do know that the best people that deal with them are stuntmen. Absolutely, absolutely. The unknown stuntman, this is one of the best episodes of Fall Guy because it stars John Vernon speaking of Animal House who is such a wonderful villain and is also my favorite character in killer clowns from outer space, whose line is killer clowns, holy shit. Yeah, John Vernon. And he also, his henchmen is played by Wings Hauser, who was sort of like the American store brand version of Rucker Hauer, and his character is named Baba. And one of the beautiful young girls who's played by Heather Lockler is Paige Connolly, but her co-star Jenny, her character name is Saren Dip. I have to say Saren Dip from this mind control master, a wealthy industrialist and Howie. I was always weird that he was a character named Howie. That seems like not a good main character name. And Howie? Yeah. Was the name of the Fall Guy? I think so, yeah. To free his daughter from a bogus religious cult before she signs away her inheritance as opposed to those legitimate religious cults. This one's one of the-- Wait, is her own daughter? Yeah. She can't. A wealthy industrialist hires them. Oh, oh, I see. I see. Oh, no, I'm sorry. Cult was Lee Major's. Howie was his-- Wait, you can't sign away, never mind. It sounds fine. Yeah. It's fine. It's fine. I would have watched that. Normally, I would have watched The One Hour Facts of Life, which was the graduation special. But at 8.30, Square Pegs was on, which was a show that really everyone should watch now. It's a fantastic show. I love Square Pegs so much. Did you ever watch that show at the time? Square Peg? Yeah. No. It was Sarah Jessica Parker's first show. It was a bit like-- Square Pegs. Square Pegs. Square Pegs. Yeah, The Waitresses did the theme song Devo was on the show. It was created by Anne Beets, who was a SNL writer. The first-- actually, the first SNL writer to have their own sitcom post-SNL. It was only one season and it was a really, really good show. It was like one of the first single-camera dramaties, half-hour dramaties, great show. Nine o'clock, what'd you go with? Nine o'clock on Wednesday? Wednesday, yep. John? I went with North American Soccer League, Cosmo's at Strikers. Did you watch soccer at this time? Who would you be rooting for, the Cosmo's or the Strikers? Well, at the time, Detroit had-- where I'm from-- suburbs-- Detroit Express. But you know, I like watching soccer. Their name was the Detroit Express. Yeah, and it was like a car. It was like orange, white, and blue as their color scheme. And it was like a car-- it was like a car up on its back wheels. Like, I'm going to get you. Yeah. It was really pretty lame. Car ready to fight. Yeah. It was like a dog up on his-- or a werewolf up on his-- His car's been backed into a corner. Can't drive away. Detroit Express. But I like-- yeah, I watched-- if sports were on, I was probably watching. Did you go to a lot of live sporting events? What was the best one you ever saw at this time? Wow. Best one I ever saw? Was it in Greek town? There was-- yeah, there was a-- Greek town just had its own thing, its own thriving culture. There's a little stadium in Greek that's a section of Detroit. It's like Chinatown, but for Greeks. Where they don't have a lot of sporting events? Yeah, there's like an arena in Greek town, isn't there? I mean, it's all downtown Detroit. Greek town is a section of downtown. You get some good Coney dogs. I don't know if that's such a thing out here in Boston. They set a lot of things on fire there. Like food. Up-a. That's a sport, right? Yeah. Yeah. I like Greek town. You can think about it. You don't have to answer right now if you need to go think about it. I'll think about it. But nine o'clock, you went with that. And then Eugene, did you say-- The one with the one hour effects of life. This is a very special. This is the season finale of this season. It's when Bear and Joe graduate. And here's an amazing thing about this episode, because Joe's graduating. We have a guest appearance by Alex Rocco, Boston's own Alex Rocco, playing her dad, who was in the Italian mafia, and had to move to California because he started the Irish-Italian mafia wars here in Boston by hitting on a mafia Don's girlfriend and had to get out of town quick. So they enrolled him in Leonard D. Moy's acting class. And he became an actor. But then it wasn't it easy to find him? You would think so. You know, he's acting in things. Is he still alive? He is still alive. Then it was not easy to find him. It was not easy. He played Mo Green in "The Godfather." You may remember him. But they would cast him as people from Brooklyn, because Hollywood didn't know accents. So he'd be like, ah, geez, Joe. You graduate in high school. That's really good here. Anyway, I'm going to go back to Brooklyn in my car. I love you, kid. It would be that kind of thing. It made no sense. Normally, I would have watched that, but I was intrigued by a thing in here. There's a thing called nonfiction documentary. That's what the title is. And it says, "Some of the children of darkness profiled in this report are mentally ill or emotionally disturbed young people living in institutions." That's the whole description. I feel like that would be a comedic reality show now on VH1 called "Children of Darkness." So we got two more nights left here. Let's go Thursday night, eight o'clock. But before we do that, if we can go to the next slide, I just want to point out that at this time, Vincent Price would have advertised anything. So Thursday night, eight o'clock, what'd you go with? This was a good night. This was a real good night. Yeah, of course I went NHL playoffs. We're still on, so we're in the thick of the playoffs. And then I went with when I'm flipping channels between commercials, I went fame. Yup, TV show, TV show. Had you seen the movie by then? I don't know if I'd seen the movie yet, but we watched that a lot, fame. Fame, did you want to go to the high school for the performing arts? Thought it'd be fun. Yeah. What would your audition song have been? What's that? What would your audition song have been at this time? I don't know, maybe I would have done like a Leroy dance. I think you could do a Leroy dance. No, John, I think if you had applied for stuff, they would have let you in. I think you could have done it. This episode, a ballet teacher played by Hollywood dance veteran, Marge Champion, is the TV guide said that, not me, is suspected of racism. It's about a racist ballerina, which already I'm on board with this. And Bruno is jealous of a new music student, a prodigy who's as good on the piano as he is. We've all been there. What'd you go with, Eugene? It's hard to say, you know, 'cause Magnum P.I. is on by smoking in the bandic. I'll give you a little bit of information that might help with the choice. Magnum P.I. is a rerun. Oh, then yeah, then I would probably just watch the movie I'd seen smoking in the bandic. What a, what a, what a Sophie's choice of mustaches. I know. (audience laughs) I know. I bet that night was his choice. That's his choice. We'll also say Ripley's believe it or not. That was something I did enjoy. I feel like we watched that a lot. This is hosted by Jack Palance, and this is the season that he made them hire his daughter, Holly, to also co-host with him. Really? It was real bubbly, and he was like, "There's a race of people who have no heads in Uganda." We're leaving her not, and she was like, "Look at these kittens." It was like a really weird season of the show. To compete with real people, and that's incredible, they were trying to really lighten it up, which did not work. But I wonder if there was anyone that night who tuned in thinking they were watching Magnum, but ended up watching Smoky and the Bandit all night, 'cause they confused Bert Reynolds, and Tom Silicon, they're like, "This is a really long episode of Magnum." Where's his Tigers hat? What the hell? And he put it away for this one, yeah. Is he under cover? Next slide here, I just wanna show you something, there's Jack Palance and Holly Palance on the top there, and there was a show on at 9.30 called Amanda's. Do you guys know what that show is? No, but I've got pretty excited when I saw it. I've never heard of it. I'll tell you what it is, did you pick that for, would you pick for nine, and then we'll do it at 9.30? No, I might have actually, so I think I might have actually, God, where was it? Well, there was gonna be a break at nine, and then I'm trying to maybe, oh, Simon and Simon also. Oh. I mean, those guys really know how to solve crime. They get in trouble, I don't know. There's no one I know that I would trust solving a crime with their sibling. I can't think of anyone I know who I'll be like, I would hire you both as detectives. None of them. Like, even if they were good detectives individually, I would be like, "Together, you guys will mess this up." There's no way. I will pick Simon and Simon. No, they don't. I mean, they get in trouble, don't get me wrong. Well, I think the key was one of them had a cowboy hat, and one of them didn't. Is that-- - They both had mustaches? - They both had mustaches. - They were brothers. - They were brothers. - They had the same first names. - Yeah. Yeah, Simon Jones and Simon Smith. They never found out who their real mother was. (laughs) - Can I point something out really quick that I'm missing? Like, is Jack a palant? Is it palants or palants? - I call them palants, but he would probably say palants. - I feel like his name is in a bolder face type. - Yeah, it is. I'll hire my daughter if I get top billing. - Make sure I'm in bold face. (laughs) - And I like how he's trying to smile in this photo, but it doesn't work. He looks terrifying. - He's like, yeah, I know I sound like Brandon Tardikoff, so what? (laughs) - The whole time it was me, everybody. Brandon Tardikoff does not exist. He's Kaiser Sosie. - I am Brandon Tardikoff. - I wanna hear about Amanda. - So, Amanda, so did you pick that for 930? - It is, yeah. - It's not against Cheers, but Amanda's was the US remake of faulty towers. It was the first attempt to make faulty towers in the US and be Arthur or beat yourself. - John, please. - America's John, please. (audience laughs) You know, I think you could very easily Photoshop that into John, please. I think with just a slight tweak of the hair, it looks pretty much exactly like John, please. Here's how you can tell them apart, be Arthur, slightly taller. So they basically remade faulty towers and she was the Bazzi faulty character and it was awful. And then they tried to remake it again and they said the problem here is the Basil faulty character. So they remade the show without that character and just made it about the hotel. - Was it that John, please didn't want to do it? - They didn't even offer it to them. They would not hire a UK person to remake a US show because there was a long history at this point, like all in the families that remake of a UK show as a Samford and son and a bunch of those shows, they tried to do a US remake of the young ones and the only person that they hired was Nigel Planar. The least, although I like him, the least charismatic person on that cast, they just didn't get it right. Tardikov, he screwed this one up even though he didn't work for ABC. - He could make Miami Vice but he couldn't make Amanda's. - He just wrote down faulty towers of B. Arthur. So it was not a great show and it was very, very short lived. It was a huge bomb. New day and time as well, they moved the time about seven times. So the final night of the week, Friday night, school's over, you're running right home, you can stay up all night if you want, watch whatever sports you want, which I assume you may have done. - Not a lot of sports on this night that I would have watched. - It's Friday night? - Not that you wouldn't watch track and field. - Probably not. - Listen, I did not write any sports down. - Really? Was there a sport that you drew the line at? Like you're like, I'll watch any sport except bowling. - I don't think so. - Really? Did you ever watch bowling? - Sure. - Did you always have to pick someone to root for or were you just like, I don't care? - I don't know if I had to watch the whole thing. I just would just kind of put stuff on but there was mostly like football and baseball and basketball and hockey. - Did you have a different team from anyone in your family? So there was like a rivalry? - No. - So there was no team that was your battle star Galactica. - No, not within the family. Although I do remember once something I did, it was Detroit and in Chicago actually, the Pistons and the Bulls had a heated rivalry at the time and we had WGN on our table. - Superstation GN from Chicago. And I'm watching, I think I was watching a game and it was on WGN and then it goes right to the newscast and one of the newscasters, sports casters starts just disparaging the players on the Pistons and I was just like, I was so livid that we could find newscasters are talking shit about the Detroit sports, the players on the Pistons and I called information and I asked God the number of WGN. - You called W, how old were you? - I must have been early high school. It was, well, wait a minute, maybe. - Now I gotta tell you, I almost don't want to know. - Yeah, let's say 14. - Now it was high school or college maybe. 'Cause it was in the house that my mom and stepdad bought my senior year of high school. - Okay, so this was-- - Maybe it was around then, so. - You could have been topless on TV and have it be legal. That's how I'll do her. - Maybe too old to make this phone call and get this upset about it. (laughing) But I did call and I got some probably an operator. Your newscaster shouldn't be talking like this about Detroit athletes. - What did she say, was she like, sorry? - All right, yeah, I'll report it. (laughing) - I've been to giving this shit less. I probably thought it was a prank. - It'd be funny if you're watching it live and they interrupt the news and they're like, get off now, we've getting complaints. Get her off the air. (laughing) - So we'll start with you, Gene. We got the T's that John did not go with a sporting med, but what did you go eight o'clock on Friday? - Eight o'clock on Friday? I went with Duke's a hazard. - The Dukes. - Dukes, the good old boys. - They never met no harm. - They didn't, you know they didn't. This is a repeat, so I would not have done with it. - Oh, really? - Yeah. - I probably watched the repeat unless, oh, but by the Love It Infidelizan, I don't know. - Love It Infidel, it's a movie about hijacking. It's not, I don't know what that is. - I think I would. (laughing) - Here's the interesting about the Dukes that night. It's the episode that's about Sadie Hog Day, which sounds filthy. (laughing) When the ladies run Hazard County, Hog installs Daisy as the treasurer to framer for embezzlement. A woman as a treasurer? It would have to be something crazy like Sadie Hog Day. (laughing) There was a real difficult choice here for me because there's a Bernstein Bears special on. The Bernstein Bears littlest leaguer, which is a sports thing about as sportsy as I'll get. - Sure. - Against the television debut of The Shining. Both feature bears. (laughing) - What did you go with, John? - I went with meatballs, it was all so long. - Yes. - That's an HBO classic meatballs. - Yeah. - I have a controversial opinion. Meatballs too is the better movie. (whistling) - Wow. - Yeah. - Wow. - It's got an alien. It's got P.E. Herman. - It's got an alien. - Yeah, and a meathead. (laughing) John Meyer kits in it. - I don't even know if I knew that was another meatball. - More time and me award winning after John Meyer. - Yes. John Meyer kits, who won so many Emmys for Night Court, he had to ask them to stop nominating him. - Yes. - Upstanding guy. - I hope to do that one day. - Yes, I think-- - Please, please, enough. - You're sort of the John Meyer kits of our time. (laughing) - Tell that to the remake of Night Court. - Yeah. (laughing) - I would like to see a remake of Meatballs 2. Not the first one, just Meatballs 2. (laughing) The next generation. So you're watching that all night. - Yeah, Meatballs was my across the board, but I'd go to Duke's Hazard if I was watching something else. That's between eight and nine. - Did you ever go to summer camp? - Oh yeah, camp was a major part of my life. - Major part of my life. (laughing) - What you like is Meatballs is not accurate. - Oh, I love Meatballs. - Did you think it was an accurate representation of summer camp life? - Felt pretty good. - What is, what was the most accurate representation of summer camp life movie-wise for something you've seen? Please don't say Friday the 13th. (laughing) - What, you mean in general? - Yeah, like what was the movie? If you're like feeling nostalgic for your time and summer camp, you'll like throw a movie on and be like, it's just like little darlings. - I don't know if I ever, ever have those moments in life. (laughing) - So you don't so-- - I'm not feeling the scholarship for camp. I gotta put some on. (laughing) - Sometimes I forget not everyone suffers from the same mental illness that I did. (laughing) - Other than that-- - I can tell. - Meatballs and what hot American stuff, how many-- - Oh, there's a lot of summer camp movies. - I'm not sure there are. - Mad man, sleep boy, camp series, summer camp nightmare. Little darlings were too-- - So none of the things you're naming or movies anyone knows about. - Point that's made for TV movie Poison Ivy with Mary Jo Palmer chick. - Again, never know. (laughing) - Michael J. Fox. - If you had said space camp, we'd be like, okay, but we never went to space. - Space camp. Oh, it was space camp, right? That's what you forgot to mention. You went to space camp every year? - Yeah. - That's why I didn't want-- - I will say that in sixth grade, I called my counselor a fucking cocksucker. (laughing) - Really? What did he do? Did he disparage the Detroit Pistons? (laughing) - We were, our-- (laughing) - Yeah, and I lost my mind. - He's like, those Pistons, they're just not that good. Excuse me, you fucking cocksucker. Go on your cabin, I'm gonna call you in one minute. (laughing) I did it thinking I was being funny. I got a joke, everybody. Say knock knock. Counselor's a fucking cocksucker. Can I have extra s'mores? (laughing) Did he think it was funny? - Oh, no. What was your punishment? - He just sent me back to the bunk. Back to the bunk and you'll find out. - Yeah. - Just chewed me out in front of everybody. We were playing softball, we were playing another bunk and we were really beating him bad and he did one of the things of trying to be a good guy and let the other bunk get back in the game, pretended to lose a fly ball in the air in the sun and just thought like, I can't see it, I dropped it all the time. - He threw the game. - He was, well, it wasn't even close. They were not gonna come back and win. So me thinking I'm being hilarious, I went, oh, come on, Mark. I knew he was being jokey and I thought me being jokey, I went, oh man, Mark, you fucking cocksucker. (audience laughs) And I thought for sure this is gonna crack everybody up. Like he'd run over in high five. - Didn't crack everybody but Mark up. - I don't think so, I think he just was like, back to the bunk now. And I was just shocked and like, I was just trying to think that was being funny. This is not like Ernest goes to camp. - Oh man, yeah, it was rough. - That's why you probably shouldn't have been watching On Demand. (audience laughs) Did you hear that on TV? Is that where you got that language from? - I don't even know. God, I just thought swearing was cool and funny. - So here at Reagan say it. - Yeah, Reagan did his famous cocksucker address, 1986. So Eugene, what do you go with at nine o'clock? - From nine o'clock, there's only one real choice. - There really is only one choice. - It is Knight Rider. - It is absolutely Knight Rider. Number one, I would like to see someone do a funny or dive video called Knight Rider Court. That's just traffic court where is the judge. - When you get to LA, let them know. I will help you. - I will let them know that. I love David Hasselhoff. There's nothing I won't watch him in up to and including Baywatch Knights where he plays a detective lifeguard who fights monsters. - Is that true? - That's true. - But are there monsters in Baywatch? - Yes, so here's what happened. Baywatch is about lifeguards. He was like, I want to also be a detective. And Baywatch was so popular they made Baywatch Knights where it was like he was a lifeguard by day detected by Knight. Season one, no one watched. They go, how are we going to do season two? You know what's pretty popular right now? The X-Files, he now fights monsters. So it was about a supernatural detective played by David Hasselhoff playing Mitch, not a different character. He's also a Mitch who fights monsters at night. In my favorite episode, the one I always cite as the most ridiculous one was literally an unfrozen caveman on a rampage. Like a malicious Encino man. - How many seasons? - Two. - Of what the monsters. - One. - Oh. - Did not-- - It's only one, 20 of these excellently. - Yes, it's only available on DVD in Germany. - Really? - Yeah. - That's true. I can hook you up as well. - Is it sub-titled? Or do you have yet sub-titled? - It's sub-titled, it's sub-titled in German. - Right, but otherwise it ain't. - Yeah, which adds to the atmosphere. - I don't like they shot it only in Germany. (laughing) - It'd be great if it was sub-titled in German already. Like they're like, like Hasselhoff's like, all right, fight monsters. And I think to add to the atmosphere. It's sub-titled in German. (laughing) But this episode, after Michael unintentionally kills a cycle gang member, would you never saw people actually die on these shows? That's a very big deal. A cycle gang member, the only witness insists that he'll recover her kidnapped child before she'll help him. He's being blackmailed. There's a character named Tiny. - Played by Dennis Perk. - A cycle gang. - Yes, a cycle gang. - Well, they could be that too. - The gang sounds scary. Psycho gang sounds real scary. - Do you know what the gang was called? - Robin Curtis? - The Robin Curtis's. Satan Stompers. (laughing) - Cycle meaning motor or-- - Yes. - Satan's. - Well, it could be bicycle. - Cycle, in a sense, would normally mean bicycle. - And it'd be funny if he accidentally murdered him because he was like, "I didn't mean to beat him to death." But like, he just gets in a traffic altercation with like a bike messenger and just starts punching him in the head. Hasselhoff would do that. - I punched a bike messenger once. - Did you call him a fucking cocksuck? Did he disparage the Detroit distance? - I think I called him a fucking pussy. - Nice, after you punched him? - Yeah, 'cause he rode away and was like, "Ugh, and I just snapped." - What did he do? Did he deliver you a message that you didn't like? - And he's like, "Literally don't punch the message." - He was coming through a red light and I've had that fantasy so many times. He's just guys that just don't give a shit. Like through red lights almost hit people and for whatever reason, it was not today. (laughing) - Did anyone witness it and then try to blackmail you into helping find their kidnapped child? - Here's what happened. I'll keep this short, 'cause I think we're almost done. - Yeah, we're almost done. - We're almost done. - I just come back from a run. I'm waiting across the light. I now have the right-of-way. I start to step out. I look and I see these two guys flying. So I could have just stepped back and let them go, but yeah, again, not today. - Yeah, pick the wrong guy. - First guy goes through, the second guy, and it wasn't a punch. I kinda clawed his line. - Oh! - Oh! - Yeah, fucking let him have it, 'cause he deserved it. - I don't see this. - No, no, it was not stopping. He was going hard through this red light. 100% in the wrong, and so was I. But whatever. But I feel-- - 200's make a 200. - If I had knocked him down, he had fell in his head and died. I was already playing that in my head. I'm like, all right, if I'm in court, he died. Your honor, I was defending myself, and in the act of defending myself, he fell over and made the two mistakes, the two poor choices, to run a red light. - No helmet. - And no helmet. What can I do? - I don't think anyone. - Did he fall? - No, he kinda knocked off balance and then kept going and gave me the finger and kept going. - I'm kind of impressed that he was able to take a full-on punch and didn't fall off a bike. That would have been on that incredible now. I will say this to wrap up. I understand why you and Eugene are friends because you're essentially a one-man 18. You had a B.A. Day. - Yeah. And I am, of course, a combination of Dr. Benedict and Mad Murdock. - It's true. - Yeah, I've never watched the show, so I'll just say, I guess that's a compliment. - Yeah, it'd be horrible. - It'd be funny if someone was in court and they were like, "Your honor, I was having a B.A. Day." Stands for bad attitude anyway. Not guilty, see ya. I didn't even know that. Yeah, you can do that, so that'll stay up. I'm not a lawyer. - That's really what B.A. stood for. - Bad attitude. - All right. - Dr. Faceman, Dr. Benedict, he was a Swindler, handsome Swindler. - I married rich ladies. They die. I get their money. I'm the main character of this TV show. Thank you guys so much for doing the show. We are out of time, and thank you guys for coming. This is the show, so much fun. Thank you. (audience applauding) - He and they had it as promised. John Glazer, Eugene Merman, really fun show. I really enjoyed doing it, and it was great to see so many people coming out to the show. That's always surprising to me. Hopefully you enjoyed it, and you'll listen to the show again. Make sure you subscribe, because we do a new episode every Wednesday, but I have these sort of off-cycle episodes. If there's live or a special, you never know. So make sure you subscribe, and if you like the show, rate and review the show on iTunes. It's a huge help. You can also sign up for our mailing list at tvguidenscounselor.com. I will not spam you. I think I've sent out one email thus far, actually announcing this very show that you just listened to. I am doing another live show at the Bridgestone Comedy Festival in Portland, Oregon on Sunday, May 10th in the afternoon. I can go to bridgestonecomedy.com. My guests will be Brendan Small, so that'll be a lot of fun. You get a couple of weeks to get there and get to the show, start walking. It'll be a good time, but I'll probably send an email out about that show. You can also email me at tvguidenscounselor@gmail.com or at candidateikenread.com. You can also go to our Facebook, TVguidenscounselor, or at TVguidens on Twitter. So we'll see you again Wednesday for an all new episode of TVguidenscounselor. (upbeat music) But in the show, they never were like, by the way, the incredible Hulk is deaf. Is this before the invention of candy or walking around? I don't know, maybe I would have done like a Leroy dance. He's like, yeah, I know I sound like Brandon Tardicoff, so what? Oh man, Mark, you fucking cocksucker. (audience laughs)