- Wait, you have a TV? - No, I just like to read the TV guide. Read the TV guide, you don't need a TV guide. ♪ Double visit made it ♪ ♪ Double visit made it ♪ ♪ Double visit made it ♪ - Hello and welcome, it's TV guidance counselor as the Boston Marathon continues. If you're listening to these out of order, they're not really in order and I'm serialized at all, but what I'm doing today is I've been lucky enough to record more episodes than normal, and I didn't want to wait to release all of them as it would take quite a long time and they may not be timely. So what I'm doing is a marathon today, which is why you've seen so many episodes come out at once today. And they are also all people who started in Boston, live in Boston or from Boston, hence the Boston Marathon TV guidance counselor. My next guest is not a traditional comedian by any means. This is one of the more interesting people I've met over the years. Kelly Robertch, I first met when he was in a two-man band called Ron Reagan '80s, and they would play a lot of comedy shows, they've opened for Eugene Merman, among other things, where they would do saxophone-based covers of '80s songs, and it is very, very entertaining. Kelly is also a solo artist, probably as solo as you can get, he is the world's only solo quartet. He does a thing called the All of Us Quartet, where it's just him, but he's four different people playing all the instruments, and you really have to see it. I can't do it just as describing it, and Kelly's been the house band and quite a few live shows that I've done. He's an interesting guy, and I think he'll enjoy this conversation with him. So please enjoy, as the TV guidance counselor marathon continues, my episode with Mr. Kelly Robert. ♪ That's no need for movies ♪ ♪ We've got HBO ♪ ♪ And the ♪ ♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey ♪ ♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey ♪ - Mr. Kelly Robert. - Thank you. - Oh, how you doing? - How you doing, great? - You're welcome to my home, I'm good. - Thanks for having me. - Thanks for coming by. So you picked the TV guide, you did a little research, beforehand, so you're the most prepped anyone's been. I don't want to set the bar too high, but you requested one from spring of '92, and that's what we got here. It's April 11th through the 17th of 1992. The cover is Save Our Shows, and also Jay Leno is on there. It says Jay Leno, is he up to it? A probing look at a nice guy. Sounds like a really boring article. Yeah, that's snoresville. So let's just go on into it. Saturday night, eight o'clock, what'd you go with? - I went with Golden Girls. - Golden Girls is the classic. I think this was the last season of Golden Girls. So did you, how big of a Golden Girls fan would you say you were? - I probably started watching it for the last few seasons, 'cause I was just too young. - So you were too young to get it? - Yeah. - I feel like there wasn't anyone who was the right age for Golden Girls. - That's true, that's true. I mean, I definitely, I like the mom the best. What was her name? - Estelle Getty? - Estelle Getty, yeah. She was the youngest one of them all. - She was, yeah. Do you ever see "Stoppin' My Mom" will shoot? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right. - She's great in "Mannequin" as well. - Oh, no. - She owns, yeah. - Bus now. Yes, is that your favorite song by Starship? - Well, we built the city. - We built the city as your favorite Starship song. - All right. - That's a close second though. - Yeah, I mean, they're pretty good songs. And I think we all agree that Starship is just better than Jefferson Airplane. - Oh, by far? - Yeah, easily, easily. So, Golden Girls, do you think there were any old people who watched the Golden Girls? - No. - No, no one was like, I wanna see a show with people my own age. - It's just too racy. - I don't think it was for old people. - See, there was too racy for them. - Oh, total. - See, don't think old people are sexual beings. - Whoa. - I don't know, all those STDs going around here. - That's true. - I mean, back then I would have liked to believe they weren't sexual people. - They weren't, yeah. That's gross. - I didn't think of my grandma that way so much. - No, and, well, see, I hope you still don't think of your grandmother that way. - I can't give her affectionately, but not. - Not that kind, not a physical expression. - This is getting weird. - This is getting weird. Let's move on. So, Golden Girls, you picked that night. Sophia may not have a prayer, but she intends to ask the pope to bless a lonely friend in the hospital and Blanche's birthday present to Rose is a detective to snoop on miles. So it's rather, you get a pope-centric plot line in the sitcoms of the early '90s. - That seemed, well, one of my grandmothers is really close to the pope, really close to the pope, which pope? - John Paul. - John Paul, yeah, I noticed that when John Paul II there was like one guy who was a look-alike for him that showed up in a lot of stuff in the late '80s, early '90s, like the naked gun movies. - Oh, yeah. - Scanning a lot of sitcoms, and then once we got a new pope, I feel like he didn't show up in that stuff, not because people didn't want the pope in things, but because there just wasn't a convincing look-alike for the pope. - Oh, yeah, Benedict's a tough guy. - He's a tough, he was a tough guy. I wonder if the new one will have a look-alike and will get the pope back into it. - He's way deeper. - He might just do it himself. He might show up on two girls or something. - You know, his Twitter account is just blowing up. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I think that Golden Girls was a good choice. I will say, I probably would have normally gone with him as the boss at this point. There was the last season of Who's the Boss. As I always mentioned, didn't like the show. Watched it all the time, don't really know why. It was a repeat, but this one has a cameo by Bubba Smith, which is pretty good. - Who's Bubba Smith? - Bubba Smith is an NFL player, and I'm so thankful you didn't know that because you're like the one person who probably knows less about sports than I do, which is difficult. I mean, that's something to put on our resume. But this particular night, I definitely would have gone with Baywatch. - Oh. - And I'll tell you why. - Why? - Because this episode has two guest stars, Bob Denver and Don Wells of Gilligan's Island. - Oh, shit. - Gilligan and Marianne, and in this episode, Bob Denver and Gilligan and Don Wells star in this episode in which a bump on the head has Eddie, dreaming that he's stranded on a desert island with Gilligan. It's a fantasy episode. Baywatch Gilligan's Island crossover, can you get better than that? - Was Gilligan's doing poorly and they wanted to boost their ratings with some moves? - Well, Gilligan had been canceled for about 30 years at this point. - Oh, okay, so there you go. - Yes, but I think it was people that grew up watching Gilligan's Islands. - I think there's so many V-runs that I-- - Oh yeah, it was difficult to see what year it was, but there was, weirdly, at least three TV shows that had a Gilligan's Island fantasy episode. It was Baywatch, Alph, and Roseanne. Alph had one that all took place. Alph actually got hit on the head and dreamed he was on Gilligan's Island. So, as weird as that plot is, - It doesn't make much sense, yeah. - It's odd that that was in multiple shows. - Wow, that's a, yeah. - I've never once dreamed that I was on Gilligan's Island. - I would like to be on Gilligan's Island. - Would you? - Yeah. - You'd like to be straight out on an island? - Yeah, I don't know. It's just, it's nicer rather than we're getting here. - That's true. That's true. Where do you stand on the Ginger vs. Marianne? Side. - Mm-hmm. - He's trying to blank. Who's that? - So you have have you ever seen Gilligan's Island? - I have. - Ginger was the movie star. - Okay. - And Marianne was the girl next to our type. - Oh, okay. - And who Gilligan should get with? - No, it's who you'd want to get with. Everybody's kind of like, oh yeah, it's like the pep, Coke, and Pepsi of the, of the restaurant on an island. - I get more than one because-- - You'd go with both. - Well, the Ginger would get sick of me after a while. - You think so? - Yeah. - Well, Don Wells in real life. Huge pothead. She's been arrested for, for possession of pot, like three or four times. - Oh, an idiot. - She's an idiot? - Oh, I mean, I don't know. - Maybe back then. - Maybe back then. - Well, that's true. - It was a bigger deal. I will be living in the land of decriminalization. - That's true, that's true, it's a different world now. I will mention that "Cops" that night, which I generally watch on Saturday nights, was a Boston episode. And in this one-- - Oh, really? - Yes, Boston officers find suspects with large amounts of cash and cocaine after serving warrants and investigate a family suspicion that a daughter has met with foul play. This episode, I distinctly remember, this is a great one, so they go to a house in Lin. That's a huge Coke Den, and it's also a place where a bookie runs out of. And the cops answer the phone, and so this cop's asking the bookie taking bets for him. He's like, "This guy wants to know the over-under "or on the Celtics, all right, let me check." And the one with the woman who the family thinks has been a victim of foul play, she's actually on a blind date. And the cops pull her over in Kenmore Square, and they're like, "We already got kidnapped." And she's like, "No, I'm on a date." And she yells at her family. And I still quote this episode because she says to her family, "You guys really are weird." (laughing) It's fantastic. - So, make my grandmother happy because-- - She's got, is your grandmother have like a classical lady Boston accent? - Oh my god. We just always watch cops. - You and your grandmother watch cops together? - Yeah, as old as she got, it was see the cops are Judge Judy. - Yeah, I mean, I watch those shows now, and I love Judge Judy. I met Judge Judy once. - Did you? - Yeah, she came to the TV station I worked at, and someone said, "Ken's a state of comedian." And she goes, "Of course he is." And then I got a Judge Judy coffee mug from her. - Oh wow, she just had a hug there? - She's just like, "Hey, here's a coffee mug "and you can enjoy it." - Sorry, but I was a bitch to you. - Well, she was very nice, she was, yeah. I met her and Dr. Phil in the same month. Dr. Phil, what a prick. Judge Judy couldn't be nicer. - Oh, did he just stop by at all? - It's just a real asshole. Yeah, yeah, he was promoting something. I don't know what, I think he was promoting hair pieces or something like that. So, 8.30 would you go with? - Well, I put down cops, speaking of cops. - Oh, you went with cops at this time. So this was also a Boston episode of cops at 8.30, as well it should be. - 'Cause I'm confused, we're doing central time here. - We are at central time, so it would be actually 8.30. - It would actually be 9.30. - 8.30 would actually be 7.30. - Okay, yeah, so I do it with cops. - You won't with cops. So I would also go with cops at this time. It's the second half of the Boston hour, that's a good call. At nine o'clock would you go with? - Perfect strangers, of course. - So this is the last season of Perfect Strangers. This is when they all lived in the house together. - Yeah, and they were married. - They were married. - Larry was married. - Not a good show at this point. - No, I think it tanked. - They didn't, like, Balki and Marianne, like, had had issues in the season before. - Yes. - And then they're back together or something. - And they were all pregnant. - Everyone was pregnant. - People get back together, again, that sucks. - In real life, we're on shows. - Both. I like that. - You think it's just drama. - Break it off and that's it. - I like the drama. - I like the drama. - You wanna see breakups? Nothing but breakups. - Happy relationships are boring. - They're a little bit boring. - I don't tell my name. - Yeah. - So do you guys, so if you break up, it's forever. - It's been a few weeks. - Yeah. - And then you change your names and you move, and then you get together again. - That's just, that's more interesting, actually. - Yeah, well, no, I think there's something to be said for that. 9.30, what'd you go with? - Wings. - Now, it's not the show, like, the sitcom Wings. - No, it is. - Which I picked later on in the week. I just have a fascination with airplanes. - Right, this was on the Discovery Channel. It was a documentary series. This is about Boeing Jets this episode. - The big jets. - You like the big jets. - I like the big jets. - You have a flown in airplane? - I have, actually, yeah. - Really? How many times have you flown a Cessna? - How many times have you flown a Cessna? - Actually, you know what? I've actually flown, speaking of the show Wings, I flew this twin entrance Cessna 402A. - From the same model that the brothers had on the week. - 'Cause that's how it gets to work in the summer by playing down in the Antucket. - Really? - And you flew it yourself. - Yeah, the pilot's like, "Ah, I'm so bored." - So you weren't taking lessons, they just thought you'd go. - Yeah, just hey, have fun. - That's kind of, weren't you terrified? - No. - Besides, you know, it's pretty easy. - I didn't land the day. - No, no, but you're just kind of piloting it. See, I'd be terrified of that. - No, I mean, it's pretty. - I took a plane to Block Island once, and 'cause I don't like boats, I don't do boats. And the guy turned to me about halfway through, and he wasn't kidding, and he just goes, "How much do you weigh?" And then I told him, and he wrote it down on a piece of paper and locked it in a metal box, and I was like, "I don't be asking that before you get on the plane." - I'm a little concerned now. And then we were in clouds, and when the clouds cleared, we were really close to the ground, and he just went, "Whoa!" And pulled up in the air, and it was very terrifying. - Wow. I would have loved to have been on that flight. - Really? You liked the danger. - I think terrifying flights. - So you would like to break up with your girlfriend while a plane was going down, which would kind of be the ultimate for you. - Wow, that's going down. - Yeah. - That would be amazing. - Yeah. - Well, some may be something. - But don't break up, actually, in the process of breaking up, and the plane crashes. - Yeah, I was once breaking up with a girl and I was driving her home, and she's very mad at me, and I ran a stop sign because I wasn't paying attention, and I got pulled over, and we had to sit there in the car while the cop ran everything, for that we made everything like an extra half hour. It wasn't. - Did you ask him the advice? - I didn't. He was pretty pissed off at me. Yeah, it was pretty easy. - I was just telling those border stop signs are optional. - That's true, that's true, if you're breaking up. So that Sunday night, would you go with, I mean, that Saturday night, would you go with on Sunday? - It's pretty easy. - Saturday is a pretty slim done. Albert Brooks, and defending your life. - Defending your life when I cluck. Is that your favorite Albert Brooks movie? - Yeah, I mean, I guess I can only think of one other that I can remember pretty well as one other. - Oh, brother, that's not his best movie. - No, no, no. - Did you ever see the muse with Sharon Stone? - No. - Albert Brooks, defending your life is really good. It's probably the most fantastic movie, but I probably like Lost in America or real life, or modern romance period. Lost in America might be my favorite. - Albert Brooks is the best. - I love him. - He's so much better than Woody Allen. - Yep. - I think I don't think enough people pit them against each other. - Yeah, well, I guess Woody Allen's done way more. - Yeah, but you know, it's quality, not quantity. I'd like to see a celebrity boxing match, Albert Brooks, Woody Allen. - That would be pretty quick. - I don't know, I pitch it, Woody would fight dirty. - Oh, you know he wouldn't. - He's down there. - He'd get the clarinet out and start. - Yeah, totally, yeah, yeah. But I think Albert Brooks would just wipe the floor with him. There's no question. - Oh yeah. - Yeah, one punch. So you picked a movie, so you're done for the night at this point. At eight o'clock, I think I definitely would have gone with, where is it here? It was kind of a slim night at this time, but I probably would have gone with World of Disney, which was re-earring some 1940s Donald Duck cartoons, which were pretty cool. And at eight o'clock, there was a TV movie set in the Florida Keys called The Keys, starring Scott and Brian Bloom, who were these two brothers who, I don't think they'd do anything now, but they were like the hunk of hunk for Teenage Girls in the late 80s, early 90s. One of them starred in the movie The Stuff, which is about killer yogurt. - Killer yogurt? - Killer yogurt, yeah, directed and written by Larry Cohen. And it goes, "I can't get enough of this stuff." And it just takes over, you'd like the stuff, you should check it out. So I wanna watch that, I think. - Bacteria. - Yeah, yeah, it's a sentient bacteria. I mean, it makes sense that yogurt would be killer if it's sentient. I mean, why wouldn't it be? - That's true. - Wow, maybe I made a wrong choice, Jesus. - Well, it wasn't killer yogurt in this show with the balloon brothers. This was about Florida. So this says, "A 1992 TV movie set in the Keys of Southern Florida where foul play figures in the reunion of a dropout lawyer and has estranged sons." Now, it doesn't sound that exciting, but I will say that the full-page ad has like four bikini girls in it, and why wouldn't you watch that? - I mean, I'm watching it now while you just turn the picture. - Yeah, that's pretty enticing. There was a kid in my high school who was a huge liar, and he was from South America, and he would always lie about bikini girls. Like, he would be like, I apologize to anyone in South American descent who will be offended by my accent here. But he goes, "Oh yeah, man, like I'm waiting for this boss the other day, right?" And then, you know, to go to school or something. And so this other boss pulls up, and it's full of like, I don't know, bikini girls. And they asked me for like a ride if I could drive them or something, 'cause like, I guess they're a driver. I don't know, he was like sick or whatever. And so I drove these bikini girls to like the house they were living together, and then I like had sex with all of them. And it was like such a clearly a lie, but they were definitely kids who were like, "Oh my God, that's awesome." - I don't know. Was it a lie though? - What do you know? - Maybe, all right, maybe one time that may have happened, but this was bikini girls fit into like every single, like he was like, I went to a restaurant, and there was a table behind me of like these bikini girls, and they paid for my food, like it would just be. - Maybe he just liked the end of "Dumb and Dumber." Way too much, didn't the bus showed up with bikini girls? - That's true, that's true, but I think that was after this. Maybe it was, maybe "Dumb and Dumber" was based on a true story of this kid's life. - Yeah, he'd bike help right that. - He had huge mutton shops, so maybe bikini girls are into that. I mean, I will say I've never once run into bikini girls outside of a beach context. - I haven't yet. - Yeah, well, you can dream. If you get stranded on a desert island, bikini girls. - Oh, I think. - So, I don't know, the bus is gonna get there, but maybe if it's lost. - It could be a water bus. - Yeah. - They make those, right? - That's true. - So Monday night, the saddest night of the week, what do you go with? - Fresh Prince. - Fresh Prince, this is a good episode. We have Zha Zha Gabor is the guest star in this episode. Zha Zha Gabor plays an actress neighbor from the Golden Age of Movies who will in Carlton suspect of stealing the family's silverware. - Oh, wow. - So, this is when Zha Zha had that resurgence 'cause she slapped that cop, if you remember that. - No. - Yeah, a cop pulled her over and she slapped him. - Oh, sounds like my grandma. - Did she ever slap a cop? - She came pretty close. I remember when her car got towed and she was almost like, she was definitely verbally assaulting them. - What did she say to the cop? - Don't fuck my car down. I was here for five seconds, but I didn't think. - Oh, where did you park? - Oh, well, this is midtown that happened. - Okay. So, I guess she is just used to getting scared. - Sounds like a surly lady. - Oh, God, you don't wanna screw with her. I mean, I loved her. - So, was the cop like lady calm down? - Yeah. - He just, he gave up 'cause she wouldn't stop. - He put the car down? - Yeah, he put the car down. - Wow, so she berated him. - I did not get any of those traits myself. - I, at one point, my car was getting fixed and so I got a ride into work with this kid that I worked with and he was like, yeah, I can drive you. Just gonna pick my grandfather up on the way home and I'm like, there's no problem. So we're driving with his grandfather and this guy in front of us was driving like an idiot. And so we're at a red light and the windows are down and my friend goes, this guy's a fucking asshole and the guy gets out of the car. He hears them and walks over and he's like, you got a problem and this guy had a knife in the car that he used to like open CDs and stuff. And so he pulls this knife out and he goes, hey, don't make that mistake old man. And which is funny. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - But his grandfather freaked out and he's going, don't kill him, please don't kill him, don't do it. And so the guy panics 'cause he thinks that is like a murderer and I'm in the backseat laughing so the cops came and the guy lost his license. - He's useless. - So she never slapped a cop like Jackie Bower did. I never slapped a cop, I remember my mother used to make us go to the beach every Tuesday in the summer and we'd bring like 10 kids with us that we knew. - She didn't make you go. - Yeah, I hated the beach, hated it. Speaking of bikini girls, I hated going. - I don't like the sun. - Nah, I used to bring a tent and it's sitting in, I don't wear shorts, so I'd sit on the tent and I would read magazines and eat bagels. And so this cop pulled us over 'cause he said we had too many people in the car. And my sister who was probably three, she's in the front seat and the cop pulls up and she goes, yeah, fucking asshole, fuck you cop, shithead pig. I have no idea where she got this from. And he actually just went, what did that little girl just say? Yeah, it was great, it was good. Nothing happened, but she's been watching too much cops. - She might have watched too much cops. She also at this time, we were in a supermarket and she was in the carriage and she picked up a pie and smashed it into an old lady's face. - God. - Yeah, she was-- - What did the guy, did she get this? - I don't know where this came. Actually, it would make sense where she got that behavior from and it doesn't make sense that I wasn't doing that sort of thing based on my family. So at 8.30 would you go with? - Well, I switched to halfway through in the company of Wales, it was a documentary, I think I'm Discovery. - Yes, the company of Wales is what you watched in Discovery. - Yeah, I've got a lot of nature. - This is a look at Wales and there are various habitats around the world. I would have gone on Brooklyn Bridge, which was a great show. - I don't watch that show. - It was a good show. But if you ever been on a well watch? - I have, yeah, on a promise tell. - What kind of Wales did you see? - I'm so humpback. - humpback. - Boring humpback whales. You ever see right whales? - It was actually more exciting that the boat was tipping it like such a high steep. - Oh, that sounds terrifying. - It was terrifying. I mean, you know, I like terrifying things, so. - I was into it. - Did you drive the boat? - No, I didn't. I should have. I probably would have done a better job than that. - Wales really scared me, man. I don't know. I'm kind of terrified of giant sea creatures. - I was in there, she was out on the same whale watch. A few years later in the rogue wave came. - Really? - Like hurt several people. - Did anyone tell you? - No, no, no, no. - Did they get eaten by whales? - No. I don't think compact whales are known for their-- - Wow, you never know. - I think a lot of it gets covered up. - I mean. - Yeah, they'll go, they'll eat krill. But I don't know about that. - I never know. Yeah, there's always a first, right? - Yeah, I think there's probably some killer whales. In fact, I've heard of things called killer whales. And I assume that they earned that name by killing people. - Just talk to SeaWorld about that. - Yeah, yeah. - But I think they deserve to kill if they're being, you know. - Exploited. - Putting a little pool. - Yeah, well, what do you think? - We've all seen Jaws 3. I mean, if we didn't learn a lesson from Jaws 3, - I know, right. - Will. - Oh, let's see. Is that the CGI back then? - Oh, yeah, well, it's in 3D. I mean, it's really, yeah, it's coming at you. Yeah, Jaws 3 was made in 3D. Jaws 3 actually started as a comedy movie. It was supposed to be directed by Joe Dante, who did Gremlins. - Oh, okay. - And his original script was called Jaws 3, People Zero. And, which is great. - And then they changed it to be a little more serious. - And it's, yeah, it was a bad move. - It's a bad move. It would have been great if it was Jaws 3, People Zero. It was like a Mad Magazine version of Jaws. All right, so let's see, what do you got at 9 o'clock? - Murphy's brown, Murphy Brown. I think that was the last season, right? - I think Murphy Brown went for another couple seasons at this point. So, this episode is a repeat from last season. When someone leaks an outrageous story on Murphy to a tabloid, the star inquires around the globe as to who, under the sun, had spied on her. So, let's a decent episode. Did you watch Murphy Brown every week? - Not every week. I'd watch it with mom sometimes. - Yeah, so mom was Murphy Brown. Gremlins cops. - Yeah, yeah. I think, yeah, mom was more into just like, yeah. The sitcoms, the stories. - Right. - And Gremlins like to watch People. - I will say this, I would have been tempted at 9 o'clock to watch the movie Mirror Mirror on Showtime, which is it? - Horror movie? - It's a horror movie. And it started Tracy Wells from Mr. Belvedere. - Oh, wow. - I've got an actress named Rainbow Harvest. - Rainbow Harvest? - Yeah, yeah. Now, TV God only gives this two stars, which is shocking to me. Let me read you to the description. - You've seen the movie. - Oh yeah, I own it. I have the Mirror Mirror box set. It's had several sequels. Mirror Mirror the original. Where are we here? Mirror, mirror, mirror, mirror, mirror, mirror, mirror. Oh, Mirror Mirror. 1990, violent, strong language and nudity. An unpopular teen, played by Rainbow Harvest, strikes back at her classmates with the help of a demon. - In the mirror? - Yeah, it's in the mirror. - She's bringing a mirror to school. - No, she inherits this sort of antique mirror that has a demon living inside it. It's a bit like the plot of The Boogie Man 2. - All right, you've seen that. And it's a pretty bad but enjoyable movie. So I would have been tempted to watch that since March of Brown was a repeat. - I'm really surprised I didn't pick that 'cause I was raised on just Trashy Horror. - What's your favorite Trashy Horror movies? - Oh my God, my mom has the worst taste. - What's your mom's favorite horror book? - I mean, there's so many. I can't, the one that I really kept looking over to her and I'm like, oh, why, why? I think it was funny games. - Funny games, yes. - Funny games where these two kids just terrorize families on this lake. And it's just so like-- - The original or the remake? - I think it-- - 'Cause the original is Norwegian or Swedish. - Okay, so what was the remake? - 'Cause the remake. - Yeah, that's kind of grim that movie. That's sort of just one of the torture porn movies. - 'Cause I'm not a big fan of the saw. I mean, it's just, I have a weak sauerkra. - Yeah, that's just gross. - Yeah, no, I mean, there's not much of a popular thing. - So these are modern movies. This wasn't like when you were a kid. She likes to do movies. - But she was like, well, I mean, she wouldn't let me watch that so much when I was so-- - Well, that's good. - And these two, at least I had a little bit of-- - Because that, at 9.30 I'll ask you what you'd watch in a moment, but the movie Silent Night Deadly Night Part Five, the toy maker, was on starring Mickey Rooney. - Oh, really? - Yes, and it only gives it one star. So mirror, mirror, twice as good as Silent Night Deadly Night Part Five, although, you know, why are we watching a Christmas movie in April? What do they think in here and there? - I don't know. Maybe some people are just-- - They're just missing-- - They just can't get enough. - Yeah, it's true. Well, Silent Night Deadly Night, I mean, who couldn't get enough? So at 9.30, what'd you go with? - Designing women. And this is what, I got this mixed up, 'cause this is the last season. - Yes. - But Murphy's Brown, they went on for a while. - Murphy Brown, I think went on like another two seasons. - I'm calling it Murphy's Brown. - Murphy's Brown. - Murphy's Brown. - Yes, that's a different show. - You're a little bit true, a little bit true. - Murphy's Brown sounds like a show about a Boston asshole white cop who wakes up one day black, like kind of like a watermelon man, or black like me, and then has to live his life being, you know, the victim of racism. - I don't know. - And, you know, I think we could sell this. Like a racist crooked, Boston 1960s cop wakes up black one day, and it's called Murphy's Brown. - Oh, man, how is he gonna deal with the busing crisis? - I know, he's still racist, but these are his people now. - God damn. - This is gonna be good. I think this is gonna be great. His friends won't talk to him anymore, they don't believe he's really him. This is perfect, this is gonna be huge. I don't know if this will be a miniseries or a movie or a weekly series, but I think we can-- - Miniseries. - Miniseries, 13 episodes. - Yeah. - Perfect. - In and out. - Yeah, we'll sell it to T&2. So you were on Murphy Brown, I mean, designing women, this is the last season, this is pretty much everybody had quit the cast at this point. - Right. - Bonnie Hunt, who's one of my all-time favorite people, she actually turned down $60,000 in episode to appear on designing women this season because she just thought it was terrible. - Really? - And she went back to being a cancer nurse in Chicago for 20 grand a year. - Didn't she, I thought she had a show around 92. - It was like one season? - She had a few one season shows. So in 95, she had a show called The Building, that David Letterman produced. - That's right, yeah. - And then she had a show called The Bonnie Hunt Show in 96, that only lasted one season. And then she had one called Life with Bonnie in 2002, 2003, that was two seasons. But yeah, they asked her to be designing women, she was like, "These scripts are terrible, I'm not doing it." They were like, "We'll give you 60 grand a year." And she goes, "Nope, I'm gonna go make 20 grand a year to be a cancer nurse." - Sure. - Yeah, she's the best. - Yeah, that's awesome. - I love designing women, but this season was terrible. The creator of the show, Linda Blauworth Thomas, have left by this point, and it was pretty much on its last legs. - So-- - Yeah, a pretty good run though, one of the-- - They did, it was a great show, it's already in 85. They went about seven seasons, I think. - That's not terrible. - Tuesday night, eight o'clock. - It's all about Candace Cameron. - Kelly Robert. - Crescendo. - Did you have a question? - Crescendo's Stephanie was even hotter. - Have you read her book? - No. - Oh, because, oh, the Stephanie's book on her meth habit? Mike Kaplan's cousin wrote it with her. - Really? - Yes, yeah. - 'Cause she's been married like a bunch of times. - Yeah, I think she's got a couple issues. - Yeah. - She problems. So you were a full house, this one is Joey petals himself as just the guy to teach Michelle how to ride a bike, but there is a lot of Michelle's trust riding on it. I really enjoy the puns in the TV guy writing on this description. - I don't even have to watch the show. - Yeah. - I'm already entertained. - So this isn't a Candace Cameron heavy episode, because it sounds, so you love Candace, even though she's very religious. - I mean, well, 92. I didn't. - Was she your number one crush on TV in '92? Did you have a poster of her? - No, I didn't go that far with it. - Was it a poster in my head? - Just a head poster. - Yeah. - Did you have any posters up in your locker in school? - No, no, I wasn't a big picture as a poster as a kid. - You weren't a big picture as a poster. - And stars on the ceiling. - Glow in the dark? - Yeah, glow in the dark. - Candace Cameron's a star. - Yeah. - Also, maybe that's what I was going to do. - Yeah, you're like the constellation of Candace Cameron. - Candace. - Oh, Candace, will you be my-- - It was the time between her and then on, was the blonde girl and growing paint. - Oh, Carol? - No, no, no. - Oh, Julie McCulloch. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Candace Cameron's brother, Kirk Cameron's girlfriend on the show. - No, no, in actual show, growing paint. - Oh, the blonde kid, Ben? - Ben, isn't there like two girls? - There was one girl. Well, there was two girls later, so you're talking about Carol. - Yeah, okay. - By Tracy Gold. - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - And then there was Chrissy later, but she was like a toddler. She was a redhead. - Yeah, so you like Carol. You like Carol and growing paint. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - So you were into Candace, into the Cameron siblings shows, generally. - Yeah, yeah, I mean, it was just boy crush, boy crush. - Fair enough, fair enough. 8.30, what'd you go with? - Well, I, you know, going back to the whole disasters, I love, I love rescue 9-1, and that was a show where you could switch over halfway through, because I think they went through two or four situations. - It was usually four, so in this episode. - Oh, yeah, I'll get the last two. - Yeah, you get the last two. So here's the two you missed. So from last season, a youngster in California who called 9-1-1 after her father suffered a seizure, a woman in Louisiana whose car was stolen with her infant daughter inside. Those are the ones you probably missed. A good Samaritan in Los Angeles who took the initiative after witnessing a car collision. - Oh. - I enjoyed the very poorly done recreations. - When I was dumb enough to think like, "Oh my God, why are they doing anything?" - Yeah, you thought they were really filming it? - Well, you know, back then, especially on like, "Unsolved" mysteries. - Yeah. - Just like, "You already know who did it. You already know what happened." - Well, if you were used to watching "Cops" and that was filmed for real, you know, how would you switch on? - Exactly, maybe that's, yeah, I should give myself a break, but back then I was-- - You were pretty dumb. - Yeah. - Well, we all were, we all were. - Rescue 9-1-1, good move. There was a fun show. I thought-- - It was William Shatner. - He was. William Shatner was the host of Rescue 9-1-1. - Yeah. - So I probably would watch the second half of that as well, 'cause the only other thing on at 8.30 was home improvement, which as we all know, I really hated. And at 9 o'clock, what do you go with? - Roseanne. - Yeah, there's no question. - Roseanne's a great show. I did, you know, it was great because it was real. It wasn't like step-by-step or running this just, you know, over-the-top, happy, happy, you know. - Yeah. - And I'm like, but at the same time, I'm just kind of being programmed by the bullshit. - How do you-- - I was like, off-put by like, how depressing that show? - Yeah. - God. - And as a kid, I didn't, like, I love Roseanne now. Like, I felt like, you know, she dealt with a lot of issues and-- - A ton of real issues. - Totally never be touched. - Oh, yeah, absolutely. - Because obviously, you know, teaching, yeah, for whatever reason. - But you were looking for escapism. - Yeah, I didn't want the real shit. - Right, so now I'd like Roseanne back then and probably-- - It was too serious and kind of depressing for you. - Roseanne, me and just shut up and just be happy. - Yeah, you wanted people just on a rollercoaster, like step-by-step. - Yeah. - 'Cause you wanted Joey teaching Michelle how to ride a bike, not the family's bike shop going bankrupt, you know, losing all their money, like on Roseanne. - Yeah, that's right. - Yeah. - That was season two, where like they-- - Season three, yeah, yeah, when Dan's bike shop, what I'm doing. - And then, what, of Roseanne's sister became truck driver? - She's a truck driver, and then she was a cop. - Oh, wow, after that. - Yeah, she might've got yelled at by an elderly woman when he was trying to-- - Darling became this really-- - Got the teen, who was really into the Sandman in comic books. - Right, and I think she met her boyfriend then. - She did, yep. - And then that, yep. - Yeah, so you watch it all the time now, but at the time, depressing. - Yeah, I was, I just wanted to escape. I felt like Mary with Children also was one of the, you know, like, depressing. - But it was a little bit of cartoonish. - Like school, the best part of your life. - Yeah, yeah, oh yeah. No, I think at the, at its core, that is a very depressing show. Like, if you look at the sad lives of the people involved in that show, it is pretty grim. - Yeah, but hey, you know what? - Realism. - Realism's what it's about. So at 9.30, what do you go with? - You know, I think it was beyond to me. - Yeah, beyond tomorrow. - Beyond tomorrow, no one's ever picked Beyond Tomorrow. And that was one of my favorite shows. I brought it up on many of the episodes. It was an Australian show about new technologies. - Okay, yeah, I would have loved that. - It was great. - Yeah. - This particular episode doesn't admittedly sound that fun, but it says a compilation of segments from earlier episodes, includes treatment. - For cracking. - For cracking. - Yeah, I was checking that out. - Yeah. - Maybe it was a good, yeah, like a cop's vibe that was going forward. - It could have, but so, so normally, Beyond Tomorrow would always be about like, here's a new robot that can drive a car. So like, this is a house that talks to you. It was like a lot of that kind of stuff. A new Japanese toilet. That was coming up all the time. Those crazy Japanese toilets that clean your, clean your ass for you. - Oh, yeah, I was in there. I've been there several times with my husband. - Have you used the Japanese toilet? - Need to be days. - Yes, I- - Toe toes, and they're called toe toes. I think toe toe makes them. - I've only used it one once. I was in a Japanese restaurant in London and they had one. It dries it, cleans you. You got the little control panel. - Japanese people did not use their hands. - No. - They did too. - I would never get off the ball. - Yeah, I still have to do a little work back there just 'cause I'm not. I don't trust it. - Yeah, but with the Japanese system, you're fine. - No, I didn't trust it. - Oh, you didn't trust it? - Yes, 'cause you just conditioned. - It's like I'm not clean until, you know. - So you don't trust it? - You don't trust technology to clean your backside. - Well, not for a month that I was out there. I didn't, you know, it wasn't enough time. - Where in Japan did you go? - I went all over. - Do you speak Japanese? - Ugh. - Skoshi. - It's a zanyan go roko hachi sichi kiu jiu. - Ugh, I don't know. - I just count it to 10. That's what I did. - Okay. - Yeah, I'm gonna chew on it. - I did not know how to talk. - Yeah, well, I would have gotten the audio. - You could have really gotten by just counting the audio. - Maybe they would have been the, oh, white man. - Did you watch any TV when you were in Japan? - I loved, I mean, I didn't know what I was watching, but-- - It's crazy, right? - It's insane. I mean, just, every station, there's like this insane, like game show, people are just like getting hurt, people are laughing. - There's a show called, like the demise of happy, happy octopus or something. - Okay. - In my trades, I do get some Japanese shows over now and then some of them are just mental. - I mean, it's, yeah. I was really ill the second time I went for like four days. - What'd you get, food poisoning? - I got sick before, I actually got a throat infection 'cause I'm in this banner where I wear masks and I go a little overboard. - Right. - And I infected my throat and I was like, running like 100, at least 100, 100, two fever. And over there, there's welcome parties for every concert, like you have to come in. - Your party? - And it's course, you know, I appreciate their hospitality, but when you're sick, you don't understand, you don't want to be rude. - Right. - So you go and you know, but I spent a lot of time in the hotel room watching TV and it was the best. And I filmed a lot of it. I remember just one ad, it was an ad for bug spray. - Okay. - And I had like little like, like stick puppets. And then there was this guy like, (humming) And then they had little stick puppets of like mosquitoes. - Yeah. - And then like, this, it was happy. - Oh yeah, it's Japanese. - And then like all of a, and then this puppet of like, the bug spray would come out and then the bug puppets would die. And then she was replaced by a demon girl, of course. (laughing) - Yeah. - Well, that's way better. - That sounds fantastic. - That's way better than the raid commercials out here. - I'd watch that as a whole half hour series. - Oh man, just a bug puppet hour. - I should, I should kind of call up some of the files. I have all that on my computer. - My favorite Japanese game show that I ever got a tape of from this guy, the premise of the show, it was all Japanese, which I don't really speak. But the premise of the show was you, it was like a haunted house. And the contestants were, had to be in the haunted house and be scary. And the goal was to make children cry. - Oh wow. - So they had these little Japanese babies coming through and you had to try to, you couldn't touch them, but you had to scare them. And whoever like scared the most Japanese children crying and they had a little meter that showed like, how much they cried. And this was a real show, it wasn't like a parody. - This is why they were committing suicide in their adolescent years. - It very well, very well could have been. - Wow. - What's we all know, Asian children are the cutest children. - Totally. - Yeah, even when they're crying. - Yes, sometimes especially when they're crying. - Yeah, more vulnerable. - What was the weirdest thing you ate there? - Oh, oh, it's called natto. It's actually, it's natto. - It's natto, it's fermented soybeans. It's actually like, it's popular as cereal. - All right. - It was basically fermented soybeans. - It's disgusting. - Is it really gross? Is it really sour? - Yeah, you can't make the mistake of smelling it before you eat it. 'Cause it's so, it's like, it's like putrid smelling. - It's like kimchi? - Oh no, kimchi's awesome, I love kimchi. - But you don't like natto, natto. - Natto, natto, how has it served to you? - It's like, like a little bowl. - Does it look like really gooey? - It's really gooey, it's like rotten tofu. It's like, yeah. - Do you think maybe-- - But it's super good for you. - I think maybe they were just giving that to you to fuck with you. - Not to fuck with you. - Everybody eats it over there. - That's really good. - That's like, that's the tried and true, like. - It's heavy enough. - You're cool, natto. - You're cool, and you know, I would be like, hey, can I just have, like, you know, some custom shit, maybe a little rice, and I would mix jam from the toast. - Yeah, and with the rice. - And I called the jam rice, and they were mortified. - Jam rice sounds like a-- - Eat, rice with jam. - Jam rice sounds like a really bad hippie jam band that, like, you know, rice with a Y, that, like, you go to college with, you know, that, like, yeah man, it's jam rice. - Jam rice tonight, man. - Yeah, we're gonna mix the strawberries. So Wednesday night, what'd he go with eight o'clock? - Wonder years. - Which I don't think I watched. - Really? - I mean, I watched a ton of it when it was on Nick. - Yeah, yeah. - You know, when he runs on Nick. - I've just been watched that, but-- - This was towards the end of one of your years. This one, David Schwimmer, was on Wonder Years. - Oh, yeah. - Yes, he was playing Olivia Dabo, the sister Karen's boyfriend. - Okay. - And in this one, you'd like this, based on your love of breaking up relationships. Norma plays peacemaker to reunite Jack and Karen for Jack's birthday, but even a celebration on neutral turf does little to repair the stormy relationship. There's a lot of fighting. - Oh, look at Downer. - A lot of fighting. I thought you enjoyed the relationship fighting. - I know, but-- - But not on the Wonder Years. - I don't know. - I would have watched that as well, but I will say that the royal family was on, which wasn't a great show, but this was the season where Jack K was added to the series, and I do love Jack K from 227. - I never watched that show. - 227 family. - Yeah, the royal family, it was Red Fox's show. - Oh, okay. - He died halfway through the first season, so they kind of replaced him with Jack K and Delorese and kept the show going on, which is-- - How long did that last show? - Maybe two seasons. - I think I'm bummed by that Wonder Years breakup, 'cause it wasn't a comedy. It wasn't like, if it was a breakup on Full House, I would take full enjoyment of that. - That would be fine. - Like, Wonder Years, it's almost too real. - Okay, too real for me, it's like-- - You know when Kevin was trying to call Kimmy? - Yeah, no, Kimmy, no. - Kimmy, let's come on, girl, his love interest, the only one that had-- - Winnie Cooper, Winnie, oh, that was so stressful. - She's not half Japanese. - Yes, yes. - I know these things, yes. - Danica McKellar's half Japanese. Did you find that out in Japan? - I have my-- - So she was on the crush list as well, I presume. - Yes, oh, yes, she was. - So I would have gone with and sold mysteries on Wednesday night. - Yeah, that was Robert Pratt. Nope, Robert. - Stop, Robert Stack. - Yes. - On this particular episode, I report on a wealthy Phoenix woman who was found shut to death in her home in 1988. Also, repeat segments on law enforcement's use of psychics to solve cases, the search for a New Hampshire lawyer who embezzled from his clients, and an amnesia victim who lost 16 years of her life because of a stroke. - Oh, wow, that kind of sounds like a bum-um. - Yeah. - I would have liked a psychic segment. - I think that, yeah, that's, actually my mom's friend is a psychic. - Really? - Yeah. - Do you think it's bullshit? - Kind of. - Yeah. - Does say she makes a lot of money, you know? - Well, yeah, but that's, I don't know, I don't know, I feel about that. Like, people like, put to make people feel better, so it's fine, and I feel like it's kind of wrong. - Yeah, well, at least you're providing them feelings of closure or whatever. - I guess. - Oh, yeah, I don't know. Like, if you're trying, like if you're dealing with law enforcement, I don't know, I kind of don't believe in-- - I know. - Yeah, I know. - Why would you? - But I guess, hey, obviously it's there for a reason. It's helped, it's proven, provided some information that has been, you know, proven writer. - It's helpful. - That Sylvia Brown piece of shit or died this year was the psychic. She used to do a lot of stuff with law enforcement and would just make shit up. She was always on talk shows and stuff, and she'd make all this stuff off of a, oh, she was the worst. - And who was the South Park rail? Like the city was here. - I think it was her. - Oh no, John Edwards. - John Edwards. I was like, I mean, zero, who was the guy with the B-name? - My brother? - Yes, it's brother. That's good. You know, that kind of stuff. That guy, what a piece of shit. So, what'd you go with at 8.30? - I mean, it's not a great show, but doogie hows her. - I never liked doogie hows her. But did you enjoy it at the time? - I mean, you know, maybe, 'cause hey, maybe if he could be a doctor, I could be a doctor. - So you had aspirations to be a doctor? - You know what I mean? He was what, he was 14, 15, when he was 14, when he graduated. - So I was like 12 when that episode came out, so there was hope for me. I've looked up to him. - Did you really? - Not now. - Not now. - Well, I didn't mind Dr. Hormel. That was cool. - That was alright. Yeah, that was pretty good. I like that. But I would've watched Davis Rules speaking of Bonnie Hunt. This was a show, she was on with Jonathan Winters and Randy Quaid. - That's the one I was thinking of. That was only one season. - It was two seasons. The second season was Bonnie Hunt. So she was added to the second season. Great show though, really fun show. - I love that. - I have the whole series. If you're gonna watch it. - Okay. - I will mention that there is an ad in here for a series called Summer Stories, The Mall. Episode three, Temptations. It's an after school special that's on Thursday at 3 p.m. And it says, "Just when Diane thought her drug problem was history, someone from her past reminds her old habits die hard." - And what does it have to do? What does it have to do with the mall? - It all took place in a mall. It was a really great after school special series that all took place in the mall. And I will watch absolutely anything set in a mall. - Did you, I hate malls now. I absolutely love malls back then. They were magical. - I still like them. - I can't, I actually get anxiety. - There's too many people. - I get panicky. - See, there's the key. You wanna go to the mall between two and six o'clock because that's when people are switching and the kids haven't come to hang out for the night. - The gangs aren't there yet. - Yeah. - What do you guys have some pretty decent, what do you have the north shore up here? - The north shore is the end up here. Where did you used to go? Is Europe, Connecticut? What mall? - The Trumbull Mall. - Trumbull Millford Mall, sometimes if you're a little adventurous as a little further away. Danbury Fair Mall was actually a carousel inside. - Nice. - That was like a classic, like a more upscale. - Nice food court. - Wasn't an outlet mall. - But like, Trumbull was kind of trashy, but-- - What was the best store in the Trumbull Mall? - Spencer gifts. - So you were in the Spencer gifts. - I liked just the trash. - You know. - My mom just didn't care. - She's just like, "Go ahead." - You go in the back and look at the but wiser posters. - Oh yeah, totally. - Yeah. - And the black lights and things. - Mm-hmm, yeah. - That was, that was, that was my... And yeah, they had like, TGIF. That was like a record store there too. - There was a record circle, TGIF. And was it a full house themed record store? - No, I wish it was. - What did the TGIF stand for? - That's a good question. I never, I don't know, thank goodness. - Totally groovy, it figures. - Totally groovy, it figures, maybe. That's what it is. - You know, it's funny. I never even cared to know what it was, but it was like a groovy guy. - I farted. - I farted, totally. I don't know, I have no imagination right now. - Too gay. - Too gay. - It's far. - It's far. - That might be it. Did you buy records in there? - CDs. - CDs. - I never had a record player, so. - Really, did you get, was that a place that had gift coins? I remember all record stores, instead of gift cards, would have gift coins. - Oh, gift coins from the Big Y. - The Big Y, coconuts. The Big Y, is that a supermarket? - Mm-hmm, yeah. - Yeah, it worked out in my first job. - Your first job was there. - I gave you coins. - You were deemed coins. What did you do with the Big Y? - I was a cashier, but I was so much more. - What else did you do? - I was many characters as a cashier. - So you had to actually split first now. - I'd be like a pirate for one prison, and then I would kind of take hand issues for the other, and then I'd take hand in the money. - I can't, I'm terrible. And my bag boy was saving up for a sex change. - Really? - For him? - It was like late 20s, early 30s. - Did he ever get there? - I hope so, I doubt it though. - You lost track of the bag boy? - I did not keep in touch with the bag boy that wanted a sex change. - Did you have-- - I hope he's a very happy woman. - I'm sure she probably is now. We can probably look her up, and you can reunite. - Did you have a bag boy that was assigned to you so every day you had the same bag boy? - No, it wasn't that. I mean, it was where our help was needed. And like, stop and shop, I'll look at you and watch you bag your own stuff, especially in the express lanes. - Yeah. - I hate that shit. - Please move. - Your bananas. - I hate it, and they would just look at you like. - Yeah, well, 'cause you've been there. You know what they should be doing, and it's wrong. How long did you work at the Big Y? - For a few summers. - What was the-- - '97, I was like a junior. - What was the worst customer you have, like, people arguing with you about returning food? - You know what, nobody arguing with me. I was the best. I was very accommodating. - All right, so you would just, whatever they wanted. - I guess, if I want to remember, like, I guess if there was some, I would play the characters that would support-- - Okay, so you were always on their side. - So if there was an old lady, I wouldn't really scare with her too much. - Well, she might yell at you 'til you put a car down. - I just didn't wanna, yeah, I was scared. - Of old ladies? - Yeah, they would probably be the first to tell on you. - True, that's true. - But with the young mom, I'll put on the eye patch, 'cause the kids would be there, they'd wanna be entertained, and she just wants to-- - Did they ever tip you? Did we get tipped? - No. - Did you ever give-- - Did they do that? - I don't know. - I don't know, I think they tipped you. - I don't know if people tipped. I'm not a big tipper, but I assume probably people tipped cashiers. - I'm never, wow, that would be awesome. - I, I would still be a cashier if that-- - Did you ever used to give people discounts when you weren't supposed to? - Well, maybe, 'cause I was screwing around so much, I probably didn't scan some stuff. - 'Cause I remember in high school, every kid I knew, and I didn't have a lot of, I didn't hang around with a lot of kids I went to school with, but I hung around with all their kids. I was pretty cool. - Me too, me too. - That's pretty cool. - Used to hang out in Harvard Square. But, oh yeah, oh yeah, that's pretty cool. - Staying out, I'd be donuts in the middle. - Nice, the Monroe, Duncan, donut. - This is the Harvard Square of Monroe. - Yeah, everyone knows that the Monroe, Duncan, known as the Harvard Square of Connecticut. - You know, it's always open. - Yeah, it really, 24 hours? - Almost, it was like 24 hours. - Yeah, I mean, they call that a Connecticut 24 hours. - 24 hours. - Yeah, that's a 12, 24, it's split. But, I remember, kids that I went to high school with, whenever you'd run into them at their jobs, even if you weren't friends with them, they would always go out of their way to give you free stuff. - Mm-hmm, sure. - Just 'cause they, I think they just like screwing around, wherever they're working with. So, like, I'd go to the super, I used to walk by the supermarket, Johnnie's Foodmaster every day on my way home from school, and I would stop and get a pie, and he'd get on my way home. - Okay, I'll let those little mini pies. - Oh, no, I'll hold pie. - Wow. - I used to eat a lot of pie. - Wow. - And this kid would always be like, oh, I screwed up a quarter. And so, I'd be like, no, I'll pay the $2.99. No, oops. And it used to happen all the time, while like this kid worked at Papajinos, which is a pizza place here in the Northeast. And, you know, I would get like a large pizza and a pitcher and root beer, and he'd be like, that'll be 65 cents. And I'm like, I'll pay full price. - That's cool though, hey. - So you didn't do that for people, and you had a temporary. - I felt like my gift to them was the entertainment. - Yeah, well, that's fair enough. They would owe you an extra money. - Yeah. - Thursday night, eight o'clock, what'd you go with? - Cosby show. - Cosby show. - Again, towards the end of the Cosby show. This is when Bobby McFerrin, speaking, we were talking about him earlier, it used to do the theme song. - Sure, yeah. - So Kelly went to Berkeley School of Music, where Bobby McFerrin was-- - Yeah, I went to New England Conservatory actually. - Conservatory, actually. - UC School, down the road from Berkeley. - Down the road from Berkeley. - That actually would look down at Berkeley, really. - 'Cause you were the better school. - Kind of, I mean, I like Berkeley better personally. - Yeah. - Just what I do now, what I could've gotten out of Berkeley. - Right. - I don't have to have a master's degree there though. - Right. - At Berkeley, at the time. - But at Berkeley, Bobby McFerrin was a teacher. - Yeah. - And when I went to Northeastern to see him frequently, and there was a Starbucks, right, between the New England Conservatory in Berkeley. And I was in there with a friend of mine, and he ordered a coffee, and there was a homeless guy in there. Here was the stuff, it was this homeless guy, my friend, me, Bobby McFerrin. That was the line of people putting stuff in there, in their coffee. And so my friend had ordered, I don't know, some kind of caramel macchiato, and the homeless guy looks at it and he goes, "Man, that ain't no drink for a man." And then Bobby McFerrin looked and he went, "Nope." So Bobby McFerrin agreed with the homeless guy that this was the wrong thing. So he was doing the music because we show at this point. This episode has a special guest appearance by African singer Miriam Makiba. Are you familiar with Miriam Makiba's work? I am not either, I don't know who that is, but I probably would have watched this. Although I should mention, based on your love of cops and rescue 9-1, that the show Top Cops was on at this time, which is sort of a hybrid of those two shows. It was like someone reenacted things from cops, very bad. - Oh, it wasn't affiliated with cops. - No, it was a completely different show. It was basically reenactments of real law enforcement scenarios. - Like cops without the liabilities. - It was like reenacted episodes of cops. So if you liked cops, but you liked the really bad reenactments, Top Cops, that's where it's at. - That's the fact that I didn't know they were reenactments. - Right. So yeah, I think that I would go on with Cosby as well. 8-30, what'd you go with? - Different world, you know, kind of the same. It's a spin-off. - Yeah, you got it. - Kind of a spin-off, but it was going on at the same time for a lot of time. - Yeah, it had its own thing going on. - It was Hillman, right? - Hillman. - Yeah, Hillman. - Yeah, it was a fictional home in college. And then there's the Hillman College of Music. She also didn't go there, because it's not a real thing. But I definitely would have watched that as well. Drexel's class was on at the same time, which I would have been tempted by, which was Debney Coleman's-- - That was a short-lived show. - Very short-lived. - That was a mean-- - Debney Coleman. - Debney Coleman. - Yeah, this was his third failed sitcom at this point. He was in, this has come up more frequently than I would have imagined, but he was in Buffalo Bill, and then the Slap Maxwell story, and then Drexel's class. It was a fun show, and a lot of people went on to be big stars, we're in it. This episode, A.J. Langer, is sort of the main girl in this particular episode. She was on my so-called "Life Later" and was in the movie, "The People Under the Stairs," the same year as Drexel's class. - Oh, wow. - Yeah. In this episode, Drexel drives Melissa, who's A.J. Langer, to hone her only possible beauty pageant talent, smoking a curveball, and Bob Eubanks appeared. That's pretty good. - Wow. - Yeah. I would have watched this show just 'cause different world was on for so much longer, and knowing what I know now, how short-lived Drexel's class was, I think I would have been there to enjoy it. - Yeah. Why? I'm just thinking Wyatt never worked out. - I don't know, doesn't it? I mean, people don't wanna watch him on TV, I guess. Well, he always played kind of a dick. That was his thing, but he was like a charming asshole. - He's a teacher, right? - Yeah, he was a teacher, yeah. Like a cantankerous kind of, you know, a teacher wouldn't put up with their shit. - They don't wanna see that then. - Well, kids don't wanna see teachers. - Man, that's why Mr. Rhodes didn't work. So at nine o'clock, what'd you go with? - Oh, cheers. - Big cheers friends? - Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Even back then, yeah. Whatever my folks watched him on my channel, so. - So did you only have one TV in the house? - No, Mom's. Mom's TV was always on upstairs. - Okay. - And my dad's TV was on downstairs, so. It was kind of like a, you know, there would be times where they'd watch together, but didn't know. - What you've just, everything you've just said sounds like a great opening lyrics to a song about TDA Janks. ♪ Mom's TV was always upstairs ♪ ♪ And Dad's TV was always downstairs ♪ - Yeah, I like it, I like it. I think we'd have a big hit with that. - Yeah. - That could be the theme song to Murphy's Brown, even though it's not, there's nothing to do with it. - Yeah, well. - We'd combine them. So this episode's a repeat of the Halloween episode, which is called Halloween 10. Man, this is a great, great one. Sam's the one who's spooked when it looks like the Cheers gang gave Gary the Halloween friend of his life, which made him scared him to death. They had Gary from Gary's barn grill. - Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, they always had the rivalry, yep. And this was the final Halloween episode, and it's a really, really good one. It features a giant holographic Carla head. - No. - Yeah. - I remember that. - And the Monster Mash played about 700 times. - Yeah, yeah. - Monster Mash by Bobby Morris Pickett from Somerville, Massachusetts. - Oh, shit. - I love the fact that that one song spawned an entire genre of music. Like there were so many monster party songs from the '60s based on this one song. - Gotta have some stuff for that holiday. It's not really a holiday, but you know. - It's a holiday. There's not enough Halloween songs. - What's your favorite Halloween song? - Gosh, I would say the Monster Mash just because I covered it last year during the Halloween show. - Did you? - Yeah. - Just on saxophone? - No, the all of us. - Oh, the all of us. - You played a full on Monster Mash version. What was your take on it? Did you have a special spin? - Mm, not really. I mean, I like the hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo. - Yeah, you like doing that part. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, yeah. - I like, kind of like. - 'Cause, yeah, I wanted to keep it true. - Right, right. - To what it's, you know. - You wanted to be respectful. - Yeah. You know, it's kind of like a hip performance, historically informed performance. - Nice. Did you learn that again? - Yeah, a conservatory. - That's what they call this. - That's why they call me a mess. - That's right. - Because a master music. - 'Cause I know it, hip performance. - Exactly, exactly. - You're just hip. - We're really learning here with this. So at 9.30, I think I know what you went with, but. - Oh, definitely wings. I mean, you know, I just, I don't know if it was the, the beautiful, eloquent opening of, is it? - Beethoven. - Yeah, the nice little piano. - Yeah, yeah. - Do, do, do, do. - Yeah, it did have a very good theme song. - I just left planes. - And you left planes. - We've already established. - We've already established some landing things. - Yeah, you watched the documentary wings and the sitcom wings in the same week. This episode's pretty good. Downtown of the Terminal is filled by Faze, Foggy Day, Fun Box, until Brian hypnotizes Roy, who reveals a deepest, darkest secret. Roy was such a creepy character. He looked like John Wayne Gacy. - Yeah. - And it was just the really funny, I've never seen that actor in anything else other than that show. - Yeah. - But he was such an unlinkable sleeves. He had very little, if any redeeming characters. He, he was, he couldn't be the star of a sitcom, which is maybe the mistake Danny Coleman made. But he was so great on that show. Which brother did you like better? Brian or Joe? - I liked, I liked, well, do you see Joe was the, that was the head. - It's Tim Daly. He's the string shooter. - Right, right. - Brian. - I like Brian. - Well, almost everyone picks Brian. - No, 'cause he's the least flyer. You know? - Yeah, I mean, I'm a Joe guy. - I saw the, yeah, I saw the, why, why, why. - I just liked him better. I don't know why. I just think I like to eat dressed better. - I don't know. - You seem more reliable. - The fun level just got kicked down whenever Joe. - I still think he sucked the fun out of the room. He's the death of the party. - Yeah, I mean, I actually re-watched the opening, the pilot for the, yesterday. - No pun intended. - Yeah. (laughs) - Un intended. - Yeah. - But yeah, it was kind of boring until Brian showed up. - Okay, all right, fair enough, fair enough. - I love Helen though. - Everyone loves Helen. - Well, she was a musician. - Michelle? - Oh, that's right. Yeah, she was a classic artist. - But she actually, she's a singer/songwriter. She did some countries. - Yes, yes, yes. She's very single from, don't touch me down there. The movie. - Yes. - The movie. - Yes. - Yeah. - Very, very good. - And she inexplicably had a southern accent on the show when she was supposed to be from Murphy's Vineyard, Ernie Tuckett, which don't make it. - No, she was supposed to be from Texas. She said it. - But she grew up with the brothers. - But she, I think so. I think, 'cause she mentioned she was from Texas. There was a Texas reference there. - Yeah, so, no, no, I think that's 10, that's pushing it with her. But she was supposed to be, she was always auditioning for the Boston Symphony Orchestra on that show. - Oh, really? - She's really fat. - Oh, wow. - That was her character's arc. - She got fat? - She was fat as a teenager when she knew them. - Oh, okay. Oh, that's right. 'Cause yeah, that was her. That was how they wrote her. So Friday night, the final night of the week, eight o'clock, what do you go with? - Family matters. I mean, I've met a big Erkel fan. - Nobody is. - I like Erkel's, I don't like his characters. Like his, this rapper-- - Steve Erkel. - Yeah, or a-- - Stefan Erkel. - Yeah, we're under, like, Lauren, him. - Do you remember when he had that evil ventral liquid dummy? - Oh, yeah. - Steve-el. - Steve-el? - Yeah. - I figured you'd like that. - Erkel, I forget about it. By the time Erkel had taken over, I wasn't a huge fan. I probably would've gone with either Matlock, which I didn't normally watch. But this particular episode was about a young comic book artist whose mom is up on murder charges, and he could come to the rescue when Matlock tries to draw out the real killer. Anything that was about comic books in any way, I definitely would've watched it this time. So I would've gone with that, or an HBO, the action adventure movie out of bounds was on starring Anthony Michael Hall, his only action role. - Only. - Yeah, he stars in it with Jenny Wright, and he, at an airport-- - Okay. - He gets his bag mixed up with a bag of drugs, and the drug dealers want him. They're, I hunted him down. - Jeez. - So, pretty exciting. You can label your bags more carefully. - Yeah, 'cause you're just gonna get mixed up with diamonds, or drugs, or God knows-- - You need real love. - Drug-filled diamonds. - Post-9/11 world. - Yeah. - You can't, you mix your bags up, but you're gonna end up at Lincoln Anthony Michael Hall. 8.30, what do you go with? - I switched over to America's Most Wanted. - Okay, America's Most Wanted. It was an hour long show, so you-- - More crappy re-enactment. - You liked the re-enactment, so you foresook step-by-step for America's Most Wanted. - I actually, and it's just a random little story that I, you know, speaking of grandparents, 'cause I'm only a child, so my parents would chop me at my grandparents' house. And so we were eating dinner, watching the show. - Yup. - And they were, like, watching your, they'd just, like, reading the newspaper. - Yes, it was watching it. - America's Most Wanted. - Yeah, America's Most Wanted, it was Friday, Friday night, at TGAF or whatever. But not part of TGAF. - Right, and not the record store. - I think they weren't into the-- - Yeah. - So they were more into, you know, I don't know if-- - They were most like old people, like-- - They were criminals. - Yeah, exactly. - So they know how the world works. - They were kind of watching it, but kind of not. And I swear to God that, like, randomly, it switches to, like, a public access screen in the show. - Okay. - And in these blocky computer writing, all old timers must die. - Really? - This screen says-- - So you think somebody broke into the feed? - I mean, totally they broke into the feed. Like, back then, it probably was such a big deal because you can't, like, take it over on a kind of computer or something. - Yeah, and did they have to, like, go in to the-- - And this was, like, CBS or ABC? It wasn't, like, a public-- - Fox. - Fox, okay, but somebody took over. - Yeah. - Randomly. It was only over, like, 20 seconds, but-- - And did they notice? - They didn't, 'cause they were, I was like, do I tell my grandparents that they're gonna die now because-- - You never told them. - All old timers must die. Well, I didn't because they wouldn't believe me. - Right, right, right. - But they were, like, looking down. - Geez. So you would watch America's List 1 and hoping that you would see this again. - I hope so. - I'm still waiting. - So this particular episode is three robbery suspects who wounded two cops in a Chicago shootout and alleged child molester who stepped out or discusses her fight to change the statute of limitations. So that sounds like a ton of fun. - God. - Well, I would have missed part of that because they didn't come over. - Hopefully it was the molestation. So at nine o'clock, what would you go with? - Not the mama. - It's the great show. Dinosaurs. - That's great. - Very depressing, but very good. This particular episode, the yolks on the Sinclair's who have a great A-mess on their hands when they learn that the baby might have been switched with another when the two were just eggs. Jessica Walter of Rest Development of The Voice, sir. So that's a good episode. I definitely would have gone with that as well, but I will say at nine 30, I'm definitely going with Swamp Thing. What did you go with? - Hidden videos. - Hidden videos. You like prank shows. - I do, yeah. - So you also didn't go with the debut episode of Sightings, which was sort of the low rent, Unsolved Mysteries. - Okay. - And this one investigations into various paranormal phenomena beginning with near-death experiences, including experts studying both child and adults who work on experiences that reveal a striking pattern. So you with Hidden Video, the pranks in this episode were all pranks with animals. - Oh cool, oh cool. - So pranks with animals include women talking to a bird, dog owners trying to bond with their pets, and also an entomologist temp worker tries to capture escaped insects. - And so it was just, it was a dog-themed episode. Yeah, it didn't sound great. Swamp Thing I would have gone with where a Swamp Thing helps Will confront repressed memories. - Oh my God. - Sounds a little bit like that America's Most Wanted episodes. - Swamp Thing, maybe he was this problem. - He could have been the problem. I don't think a lot of parents would have let their kid hang around with Swamp Thing now. So, Kelly, we come to the end of the week. As you know, TV Guide, Cheers and it Cheers. So while we'll read the Cheers and Cheers from this week, we'll see if you agree or disagree. So Cheers to HBO for making cartoons fun and games. Last week, the cable channel unveiled a new interactive segment on its animated Adventures of Tintin based on the Herjay classic about a boy reporter and his dog. - I agree with that. - I agree with that, yeah. - Okay, Cheers to NBC for giving us less to laugh about. Come September, the network will not be renewing its contract with Cable's Arts and Entertainment Network to show reruns of the David Letterman Show. You know, they used to show old late-night with David Letterman on A&E during the day, which was pretty cool. - Yeah, I don't know. I agree. - That's an absolute cheer, that's crappy that thing. - That's not good. - Cheers to Showtime for pulling a rabbit out of the hat or a movie out of limbo. Anyway, this Friday, the cable channel presents the world premiere of Boris and Natasha, a live-action Rocky and Bullwinkle spin-off that's been sitting on a shelf since its distribution company filed for Chapter 11 last year. - So, we'd supposed to go out last year? - It was supposed to be a movie in theaters. - Okay. - And then it never came out so Showtime premiered it. - Yeah, and it's a pretty good line. - I like that cartoon. - Sarri Kelly, Sally Kellerman, plays Natasha. Very sexy, very phony. - So this is an animated, this is actually-- - This is a live-action. Dave Thomas plays Boris on SCTV in Grace of the Fire. - Okay. - Let's go with that, Cheers. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - And finally, this is the last Cheers, which I emphatically agree with, to NBC's Eerie Indiana for making some of TV's best in jokes. It goes to-- - The Indiana was one of those spooky-- - He was a kid, it was sort of like kids' ex-files. - Yeah, oh yeah, yeah. - Great show. - I watched a little bit of that. I'm surprised he didn't watch more of a joke. - Dante created it actually speaking of Jaws three, people zero. - Okay, all right. - Yeah, it was a great show. And this, they're talking about all the guest stars like John Aston and Ray Walton. - Yeah. - What a great show. - I should re-watch that, I think I really like it. - It was kind of B, right? It was-- - Yeah, yeah. - With Sunday nights, yeah, seven o'clock. - Production night. - Oh, no, it's actually pretty well done, it was fairly cinematic. - Okay, I'm gonna have to-- - Yeah. - I'm gonna have to revisit that. - All right, you should, I highly recommend it. - I mean, I'm gonna have to revisit a lot of this stuff 'cause apparently, you know-- - Well, I think that's my goal here. - To get people to revisit. - Enough TV. I was too busy out in the woods playing in those Connecticut woods. - That's a lot of scary stuff when I'm in the Connecticut woods is what "Unsolved Mysteries" taught me. - You know, so. - All right, well, Kelly, thank you for doing the show. - Thank you for having me. - You're quite welcome. - It's been fun, Ken. - Thank you. (upbeat music) - Kelly will bear the world's only solo quartet. You definitely have to check out his web videos, his music, as always, I'll have links up on tvguidescounselord.com to all that stuff and you will not be disappointed. And "The Marathon" continues. So you could make your own marathon anytime, really. It's not like these disappear, but, you know, just go with it. "The Marathon" continues. "The TV Guidescounselord" Boston Marathon Day on Marathon Monday. As always, we'll have a new episode Wednesday as well, just one this time. So hopefully, you don't get too used to this marathon. But email me, kennonitecanread.com or tvguidescounselord@gmail.com. Love hearing from you guys. And we'll see you again next time on TV Guidescounselord. (upbeat music) I like to, I like the mom the best. I flew this twin engine Sessina 402A. It's called Natto. Obviously, it's there for a reason.
