- Wait, you have a TV? - No, I just like to read the TV guide. Read the TV guide, you don't need a TV. ♪ Cover this planet ♪ ♪ Cover this planet ♪ ♪ Cover this planet ♪ ♪ Ah ♪ (rock music) - Hello and a happy Monday to you. I am Ken Reed, I'm your TV guidance counselor and welcome to a very, very special day of TV guidance counselor. You're probably saying Ken Reed, why are you coming out with episodes on a Monday and why is my feed being inundated with so many episodes? Well, I'll tell you, it's the TV guidance counselor, Boston Marathon. It is April 20th, marathon Monday here in Boston and I happen to have a pretty good backlog of episodes of the show. The way I record the show is if people come through town, I try and grab them to record an episode or if I'm traveling and I've been very lucky recently with a lot of great people coming through town, a lot of great people who've had some holes in their schedule so they've been able to record episodes. And if I kept it at just one day a week, I would not be able to release these episodes in a timely way. So a stroke of genius hit me, actually it was my wife Rachel told me to do this, but where, why don't I do a marathon of episodes? People love marathoning television series, so maybe they'll love marathoning TV guidance counselor. And all the episodes released today will be of comedians from Boston, who started in Boston or still in Boston. So I thought it was kind of a fun thing. It's a TV guidance counselor, Boston Marathon. You'll have many episodes today. You can pick and choose. It's not serialized, so if you miss some, that's fine. Now, first up is not only one of my favorite comedians here in Boston, but also just one of my favorite human beings. This is a guy named Will Smolly. He's very, very funny. He's a great guy. He was a key, key member of my secret menu live show team. I could not have done that show for two years without him. He's a really good guy. I'm a little bit harsh to him in this one. I don't know what I was thinking that day. I was in a, I don't know, I think I had a cold, but I was kind of busting his balls a little more than I should have, but come on, Roundhouse. Anyway, he's a great guy and I will again, put all of his social media stuff up on TVguidenscounselor.com. So please enjoy the very first episode of today, April 20th, 2015. Today's TVguidenscounselor, Boston Marathon, with my guest, Will Smolly. (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) - Is Mr. Will Smolly? - Hello, Mr. Ken Reid. - Welcome, Will. - Yeah. - Good, how are you? - Good, thank you. - I didn't know you were a guidance counselor. - Yes, yes, I'm a certified guidance counselor. - It's crazy. - My guidance counselor in high school told me that I would, quote, "Never be anything." And then he continuously gave my name to military recruiters. (laughing) Yes, so I had them calling me all the time and I told some sergeant to go fuck himself when I was like 18 or 17. My dad was very appalled. - Can I ask you? - Sure. - Are you anything? - Am I what? - Anything. He said, "You're gonna never be anything." Are you anything? - I'm not really anything. - I don't know. - Well, I mean. - I'm a nothing. - My guidance counselor was my English teacher. I'll say her name, this is Seraphaglu, and she was-- - Seraphaglu? - Seraphaglu, and she was a noted drunk. - Nice, all drunks are usually noted. (laughing) - She was written down and would walk into the glass. This is the door and then the glass next to the door. - Right. - And there's a few more so she walked into the glass. - Like a bird. - Yeah, yeah. - She buried it. - Seraphaglu sounds part bird, like a zubilee zoo character. - Seraphaglu just sounds like a brand of glue. (laughing) - Yeah. - You're gonna use glue. - Use Seraphaglu. - Seraphaglu. - So you've picked a TV guide from December, the week of December 19th to the 25th, known to Christians the world over as Christmas. - Yeah. - In 1992, what drew you to this cover? I could probably guess, but what drew you to this particular TV guide? - Well, okay, the tiny tunes are on the cover. - The tiny two dimensions. - Also says Christmas shows galore. - Correct. - It also talks about baby boomers and-- - And you're a baby boomer. - I love baby boomers. - Well, there's 61 years old. - I look good. - Yeah. - Yeah, and there's, I mean it's-- - People don't actually know that you're not 61 years old, so. - That is, this is really the idea of a podcast. - She's half that age. So yes, the tiny tunes, it's Christmas shows, and it has the word galore on it, which I'm sure-- - That's what it was, yeah. - So what was done is he's gone through, as is the brief to go through and pick what he would watch in prime time every week. We had a minor snafu because this particular TV guide is actually from central time. - Central time. - So we'll, should have been picking from between seven and nine p.m. instead of eight to 10. - So we got us down at eight to nine. - Yeah, it's like these coast time, which is our time, which is the real time. Everyone else is wrong time. - So as always, we start with our TV guide week on a Saturday, and Saturday, December the 19th, what did you pick at seven p.m.? - At seven p.m. - Or eight o'clock rather, let's say. - Eight o'clock, I mean, most people are gonna listen to this in east coast time. - Right. - I picked on MTV the last half hour of the Rockin' Jock softball. - Oh, with Dan Cortez. - I hated Dan Cortez. - I, well Dan Cortez is hateable. - Yes. - The idea of the Rockin' Jock softball and basketball and football, I absolutely love it. - See, I would have just liked it if it was just rock. Like that's the part that's entertaining. - Oh, my shock. - You don't need Jock's playing softball. Like you don't need baseball players playing softball. - Yeah, but they were like, they got to let their hair down. - But you wanna see Sammy Hagar get hit with a line drive. That's what you want. You want Daisy Fuentes pitching underhanded, that's what you want. - But the whole concept, or like, when you get to see Sammy Hagar get hit by a line drive is when Sammy Hagar is fielding a ball from an actual baseball player. - That's a good point. So you want someone with a maximum amount of force to hit Sammy Hagar in the face. - Or a pitcher, what's his name, Robin Vincer? - Rolly Fingers. - Rolly Fingers. Sandy Kofax, Robin Ventura, or Jesse Ventura, I don't know. - Okay. - But he was always super fun and would come out in crazy costumes. - See, I loved MTV. I watched MTV obsessively at this time, 1992. Especially, I was a big house, a style fan. The one thing I didn't like was a rock and shock. I mean, the rock and shock. - Rock and shock. - Rock and shock would be much better. - Rock and shock would be a lot better. They just shock rock stars. - Just have it's turn. - See what I would have watched that night, and I still watch it 'til it's day. So every Saturday night at eight o'clock, I don't do comedy shows on purpose, and I stay in since 1987, and I watch cops. That's what you gotta watch. It's just the American thing to do. - Yeah, I mean, this is, yeah. Like, I just heard cops that I can hear it in my head. - It's Saturday night when we were recording. - This is right, I don't want to break the, but it literally was just-- - I was literally watching cops. It's 22 years after this yearbook. I mean, this, not your book. - I'll tell you, cops. - Cops? A rescue 911 even? - Yep. - America's most wanted. All of those, even as an 11-year-old, scared them of Jesus out of it. - Yeah, they're terrifying. - Terrifying. Living in Brockton, I was like, "Hmm, I don't think I want to watch cops." - I need some escapism, isn't it? - Yeah, yeah. - So here's the cops you missed that night. Pierce County, Washington, Deputy John Jimenez, helps serve a warrant on an armed robbery suspect, and Deputy Sean McDonald, arrests a man for harassing a woman the man claims to love, and Fox's advice and view a discretion. - Well, obviously view a discretion. I watched cops reloaded recently, 'cause I just got cable. - Right. - And it really is entertaining. - Here's the other thing that I feel like you missed out on. Number one, this is Christmas week. There's about nine Christmas specials you missed. - I didn't actually-- - The whole week. - I didn't, I didn't, I chose the Christmas week, but I actually didn't choose anything Christmassy. Just because there's so many options, you want to represent yourself as a-- - No, what's the, what's the word I miss? - A true, a real American. It's Saturday night, it's 1992, and you know what that means, it's SNCC. You missed the start of SNCC. Clarissa explains it all was on-- - This is how much I loved the Rockin' Jock softball. - You missed Clarissa. - I missed Clarissa only because I knew, and I guess not unlike MTV would show Rockin' Jock over and over, but Clarissa would be on again a lot. - Yeah, so you had four sides to know that there was only 12 episodes. - Right, the rest, I mean, I will say, the rest of my picks are very SNCC heavy. - Okay, all right, so 730, I really hope you didn't pick a SNCC one for this one, but let's go to 730. - You really hope I didn't? - Correct. - Oh, I did. - You were with Roundhouse? - I loved Roundhouse. - No, Will Smolley, that's the worst show of all time. - No, it's not. - Roundhouse is the worst. - Roundhouse. - If I commit a capital offense, they could just make me watch Roundhouse. - It's so awful, it's so awful. - It was, at the time, terrible. It's only gotten worse. - Do we, what did you like about it? - It was, it was, yeah, you can't even. - It was very funny. - No, no. - No, from 11-year-old, from 11-year-old, they were, it was like-- - Edgy? - Edgy? - If you look at the quality of SNCC shows in that two-hour block, where would Roundhouse? Roundhouse isn't even in the same universe as Pete and Pete, Renn and Stimpy are-- - Did Pete be with him? - Are you afraid of the dark? - Roundhouse was that like, so I probably wasn't staying up to watch Saturday Night Live at 11. - Why not? - Because, yeah, no, definitely not. - So are you, I don't wanna put words in your mouth here, but I hope you're not comparing-- - I'm not comparing. - You're not saying. - That Roundhouse was the Saturday Night Live with your generation. - No, no, no, no, no, no, we're the same generation. I'm saying my desire for comedy was, they would override-- - Was it satiated by Roundhouse? - Enough, yeah. - So, okay. It's really in any port in a storm at this point. You're saying, I wanna watch a comedy at 8.30. - I wanna know. - Yeah, the only thing that I can find is Roundhouse. Now, the thing about Roundhouse is that it's not funny, it's annoying, there's a horrible dancing. It's the most 1992 show I can possibly think of. - It really is. - The other thing I think you might be forgetting about Roundhouse is that it wasn't all comedy. They would do dramatic monologues and sometimes dramatic songs as well. And not as-- - I am not remembering that. - Not one single cast member of Roundhouse. You can name-- - But Tony. - Tony-- - Roundhouse? - Roundhouse, because none of them went on to do anything because they sucked. We won't find a single person. Here's something no one will ever say. Well, yeah, I really wanted to get into the entertainment industry because I loved Roundhouse. - Wait, all right. Are you saying that Nickelodeon had these people just in a closet and they were like-- - Here's what Roundhouse was. "Hey, MTV, how about this cool show?" And MTV saw a pilot and went, "Why don't you put it on Nickelodeon and go fuck yourself." - That's Roundhouse. - And it was perfect for an 11-year-old. - Well, you think very low of 11-year-olds. - I think there was a specific sketch that-- - Nope, I can't-- - No, there isn't. - No, you're right. - Some do it with hose water. - Here's the thing. I own two full years' worth of SNCC broadcast. - And you don't have any Roundhouse? - I have all-- I have an episode of Roundhouse. - Oh, okay. - I'd be happy to show that to you again at some point, so you can really realize that Roundhouse is not-- - Do you want to just-- - And forget this-- - Just watch Roundhouse? - Well, we'll agree to disagree at the moment, but I think you'll find that Roundhouse is terrible. - Well, I mean, well, okay. What is-- what else-- what are-- - Cops again? - Uh, cops again would have been the best bet. In Philadelphia, Sergeant Charles Green investigates a schoolyard stabbing and questions a woman who rear-ended a police car. - I'm not watching an hour of cops as an 11-year-old on a Saturday night. - I did. - You were, what, 12? - Yeah. - All right, well, you're much more mature. - Well, it's true. So let's move on. - Probably shaving. - I was shaving, but not me. I had Aaron's money somehow. So let's move on to nine o'clock 'cause I don't think we're gonna solve the Roundhouse, don't we? - No, we'll have to agree on this, though. - Okay. - Ren and Stimpy. - Yeah, I mean, that's a given. That's a given. - That is-- - Ren and Stimpy hands down. - I mean, a lot of this viewing, I know in the point of the podcast, so you choose, I was choosing what I would have watched. - Well, there's two approaches. You can choose what you would have watched or what you'd watch and wanna watch now. - No, I went with the other approach. - Okay. - But I watched what I would have watched and a lot of, you know, a lot of nights were based around one important show. - Right. - And you just like-- - You'd park it on the station and just watch it. - You would watch, yeah, you would watch the other shows that led up to and were after, that's a whole-- - So I'm gonna guess that then at nine 30, you would have watched Are You Afraid of the Dark? - Yes, that was a tough decision because Are You Afraid of the Dark also was like, was creepy sometimes, but also very bad. - And very Canadian. - Very Canadian. Ryan Gosling was in one, which means it's very Canadian. - Well, see, I endorsed The Are You Afraid of the Dark. However, at 1992 in December, I would have gone with The Edge, which was on at the same time, it was a sketch comedy show, much like Roundhouse, but much better. - Did it hype to have music? - It did not music. It was fronted by Julie Brown, not downtown, regular Julie Brown. - Regularly, regular Julie Brown. - Of just say, Julie Finn. - On Fox. - On Fox. And it also had Jill Talley and Tom Kenny of Mr. Show, was where they met and fell in love. - SpongeBob. - And SpongeBob. In this particular episode, Marlon Brando's mother, played by Julie Brown, produces her own exercise video, and Santa Claus has a run-in with an armed family. - Does it, all right, I didn't read the description. Does it tell you what Roundhouse does on that night? - Let me go to Roundhouse. It says, "Roundhouse." It categorizes that variety, and it says a humorous look at what it's like being the new kid in school. - Oh, that was-- - A humorous look. - A humorous, terrible episode. All right, so that's Saturday night. Let's move on to Sunday. - It's mixed blessings here. I will mention, though, at 10 p.m. on HBO that night, it was the Young Comedian special. - Well, when we've told you, we've said that this is the St. Louis edition. - Yes, it's an hour behind. - I realized it halfway through deciding. I chose, when it says 8 p.m. to 10. - He chose the Young Comedian. - I chose actually Comedy on the Road. - Oh, nice. - Which is the A&E. - Ooh, hold on a second here. We're getting into the fringe, though, but here were the acts on Comedy on the Road. T. Sean Shannon and John Biner. And here were the Young Comedians on at the same time on HBO, Dana Carvey, Judd Apatow, Bill Bellamy, Nick DiPaulo, Gene Garafolo, and Andy Kindler. - Right. - You chose Rome. - Again, chose Rome, but I chose what I would have watched, only because-- - You had bad taste. - We didn't have HBO. - Right. Well, okay, fair enough. But this is a perfect world where you have-- - I know it's a perfect world, but because of A&E's comedy shows, I loved watching A&E's, like I would have-- - I did often watch A&E's comedy shows. I would watch pretty much any stand-up comedy show. I pretty much never slept, so I would watch anything that was on. - Yeah. - So, Sunday night, 8 p.m. - Yes. - What do you got? - A living color. - Oof. - Ooh. - Why wouldn't you watch Another Me Color? - It was a terrible sketch show. - No. - It was a hateful, lazy, terrible sketch show. - It was hateful. - Hateful. Most of the living color was bad in press. - Because you're white. - It was hateful against white people. No, I just, I didn't think it was very funny. - Even at 11, 12 years old, you did not like it. - No, I didn't. I was an SC-TV, Kids in the Hall. - All right. - Saturday Night Live, Snob. I was watching The Edge. And in my school, as I mentioned, in another edition of this show, there was a strict differentiation of kids who were either America's Funny Some Videos, Kids, or in Living Color, Kids. - You were, were you-- - Yeah, V, man. - That's so you would go-- - Absolutely, Mark's Funny Some Videos. - It's very fun. - It's very fun. - Why don't you, over in Living Color any day, especially in 1992. - I would, I guess now I would definitely watch the America's Funny Some Videos over in Living Color. But then, for sure, I was watching in Living Color and laughing my head and ass off. - Let me give you the rundown of America's Funny Some Videos that night. Scheduled. - Wait, they're gonna, they give a description? - Yeah, and they say scheduled because, you know, this is what we schedule, but it might change. - It might change. - A six-year-old tries to convince his mother that he just saw Santa through the kitchen window. - Oh, it's a Christmas. - A sleigh riding Santa makes an unexpected splash landing. That's gotta be a lot better than whatever. Homie the Clown's Christmas was going on. Homie Christmas episode of In Living Color, come on. - Jim Carrey had his most annoying. - What about any of the Wayans? - I liked Keenan Wayans prior to, I liked I'm gonna get you sucka. I did not like In Living Color. I think you just like fly girl, ask a dancing. I shouldn't have been surprised that you picked In Living Color given that you picked Roundhouse. Let's move on to 8.30. - Okay, 8.30 was Rock. Rock was good. - Rock and Rock Live. - This was when Rock was live. It was one of the few shows that aired live. So they would actually do three different takes of the show. They would do a live episode for each time zone. - St. Louis. - So the St. Louis one could be different from the East Coast and the West Coast one. For Rock that night, Rock becomes landlord of the manner after buying his house and the adjoining ones, but the question is whether the income will offset the challenges that arise after hiring Joey. - That's a big, it's a big plot point. - Key, pinnacle, turnaround point for Rock. Charles S. - Charles S. - Charles S. Dutton. - The one you confused with. - Charles Dutton. - Yeah. - But that show was huge for about a year and then no one seems to remember it now. - Yeah, no. Wait, so who's the father? - Oh, it was sort of like a modern San Francisco. 'Cause Rock was a garbage man. - Yep. - A brother. - Soon his dad, his brother. - Yeah. - Was a decent show. I think it didn't last enough seasons to go on a syndication, which is probably why people don't really know about it now. - It was, yeah, it was shown on BT. - Right. - But what wasn't? - A lot. - Like white shows. - White shows. - Let's move on to 9 p.m. - So you would have chosen-- - I would have gone with Rock, yeah. There wasn't a lot of things to watch at 8.30 on a Sunday. You could watch America's funniest people at one point, but that was such a failure that they just extended America's funniest to a full hour. So I could have watched a full hour of AF. - But there was some, there's Christmas things on. - Yeah, yeah. - Something. - I could have switched to Rock at that time. That would have been no problem. - Sure. - 9 p.m. - There's absolutely no question. - Marry with children. - Marry with children. - So you're a diehard fox, Marry with children person. - Absolutely. - I enjoyed Marry with children at the time. - Absolutely, 92 I think was-- - It was sort of, it's height. But I kind of think of it now as a blue collar black face. It's like a blue collar minstrel show. - Whoa, yeah. - If you look at Roseanne, which is sort of a respectful, almost realistic portrayal of a real poor family, and then you, who you kind of laugh with, you cry with. Marry with children is like, let's laugh at these stupid poor people to cartoonish degrees. - Well, but the thing about it was like, they were poor, but they had like a decent house. Like he-- - Oh yeah, I never understood why he complained about being married to Peg, 'cause I thought she was kind of hot. - He's got a good looking wife who doesn't work. - Right. - And he makes enough money, obviously, to, and he's got a great looking-- - It's a huge dog. - They have a-- - Buck. - I'm trying to think it was 92 right around the time that Jefferson Darcy was introduced. - Yes. - Yeah. - 'Cause Randy, no, what's his name? - Mark Steve, Steve, Steve, yeah. He left, I think, up to the second or third season, and Marry Children started in '87, I think, so this would have been around-- - Oh, okay. - So this is a four or five. - Oh, so-- - This is a Christmas episode, too. In the company of his peers, Mal Santa Al recalls Christmas as past when he managed to avoid getting gifts for Peggy, Kelly, and Bud, who've united this year to cause his present predicament. So it's Al, get this dumped on again. - Yes. - You passed up quite a few Christmas specials. - Yes, they were, a lot. - At that time. We had Bing Crosby Christmas and several others, but also onto Discovery Channel, Whitetail Country, The Deer's Habitat, and Growth Cycle. - Was it Christmas? - That's always Christmas. So then I'm gonna guess here at 9.30, you would have stuck on Fox and went with Herman's head. - Absolutely, Herman's head. - I enjoyed Herman's head. I think that was quality shit. I like Herman's head because you can still watch commercials now and go, oh, that was one of the guys from Herman's head. - Oh, they're gonna say it. That was influenced by him. - No, no, like a lot of the voices, a lot of the-- - Oh, yeah. - Those people, like the six or five or six guys in the head, like all became character actors, and you would see them in other sitcoms all over the course of the next 10, 20 years. - I started watching Herman's head because I liked William Ragsdale and Frightnight. - Okay. - I don't know if other people also started watching her. - Also, what's her name was on? - Uirdly Smith. - Uirdly Smith. - Who is at least Simpson. So this also, Christmas episode, Herman offers to drive the gang to various points on his way home for Christmas, but he and Hetty end up stranded at Louise's parents' house where the fits of family drives Louise crazy. That's a pretty good Christmas episode. Louise's crazy brother steals Herman's car. - You know this one. - Oh yeah, I know this one, well. It sort of advances the love-hate relationship with Hetty and the will they won't they? - And the last guy? - Yep, yep. - Must have played a big role. - Exactly, yep. It's a good one. It's a good one. So that's a good pick. - You would have gone with Herman's head? - I would have gone with Herman's head, yeah. There wasn't a lot else going on at that time. You had Walking With Jesus was on or Dick Van Dyke shows on Nick. You get MTV sports, you know, nothing great. Nothing great. - Walking With Jesus was on what? - I don't know what Walking With Jesus is. - One set of footprints. - Yeah, it's just a set of, it's video of a set of footprints, that's it. It'd be good if it was like an exercise show. (laughs) Like he's like, you got 12 fishes, let's make it one. - Now left, now right? - Yep. - Now left. - Turn the other cheek. - Turn the other cheek. - So, we move to Monday. - Monday, Monday. - Always a sad day because you go back to school, you go back to work, you really want a night of television that's gonna take you away. - Not a sad day for me as far as a night of television. There's, you'll probably understand why, but Monday has long been my favorite night for television. - So, what'd you go with at eight o'clock? - I think you're going to have a fresh prince. - You're going first prince, a very popular choice. - A popular choice. - And it's a repeat, 'cause it's Christmas time, so last season, on a ski trip to Utah, the banks is fine, there's no room at the end for their party of 13, and after their belongings are stolen, they must come up with Christmas gifts from the heart. - Then they find the gifts. - Yeah, it's a classic Christmas episode. - He's lost. - Christmas is stolen, taken out of your natural environment, skiing, it's got all the almost-- - That's a great episode. - Now, evening shade was also that-- - Dietrich Bader is also on that episode. - Is he? - As the white boyfriend of one of his aunts. - Nice. - Nice. TV's Batman himself. - Most known for playing Batman on the brave and the bold. - Is that right? - Yeah, yeah, he does a very good job. - I don't. - Evening shade was on, I would have been torn. I watched, I wasn't a loyal Fresh Prince fan. - You watched? - I would flip back and forth, but I liked evening shade because I'll pretty much watch Bert Reynolds do anything, and I had a thing for Mary Lou Hinner. But this episode is the Christmas episode of Evening Shade, which is quite a good episode. - Okay, evening shade was definitely a flip back and forth, but Fresh Prince was where it's at. - You were at Fresh Prince and you weren't moving. - Yeah, I was at Fresh Prince. I was in living color. It was-- - Brockton had an influence on me. - Okay, fair enough, fair enough. You enjoy the urban stuff. - Yep. - Now, 8.30, I'm curious to see what you go with here. Do you stick on the same channel? - I do, blossom. - You go with blossom? - I was a big, big blossom fan. - In your opinionation? - In my opinionation. - So this is not a Christmas episode. - Not a Christmas episode? - They did have a Christmas episode called, it's A Marginal Life, which was the blossom episode. Christmas, it wasn't this season though. This one is when Blossom Fears leaving Vinnie for college, Buzz, played by Bernard Hughes, who won a great actor in Play The Grandfather in that season, tells her of his WWE two-era romance with her grandmother, Ruby. Seems like a poignant episode. - I'm sure it was. Blossom is one of my favorite theme songs. - It's a good theme song. - It's a great theme song. - It's Leon Redbone-esque, without being Liam Redbone. It's got a little more on the clock. - It's not Mr. Belvedere, but. - Where do you stand in the blossom versus Clarissa camp? - Well, I mean, obviously by my choices, I chose Blossom, I did not choose Clarissa. But if they were on head-to-head, same time you get to pick either Blossom or Clarissa. - I would certainly, I would think I would pick Blossom. - Really? - Yeah, what was it about Blossom that? - Here's Blossom, I liked Blossom. - Okay. - I liked the dad, more than the dad and Clarissa. - Cool single dad. - Dad and Clarissa was horrible. I hated Clarissa's mother, and I hated Clarissa's brother. I think you're supposed to hate him, but I didn't hate him for the reason where you're like, "Oh, he's so annoying." He just really was the worst. And I liked Joy Lawrence, and I liked the other brother. - Who is the writer on Conan? - Now? - No, then, at the same time, he's also a co-wrote and stars in the movie Freaked. - What the hell is his name? - With Alex Winter, I can't remember his name. I'm blanking, but he's a comedy writer. - Yeah, yeah. - It's very funny. - You kind of got written out Blossom after kind of the first season or two. - All right. - Which is one kind of trick. - Because Joy Lawrence became the star. - Yeah, he put out that video. Was it anything for your love? Was the song you did? - Oh my God. - Oh, nothing my love can't fix for you, baby. Something like that. A terrible song. - With, he was wearing overalls, I think. - Yo, yeah, he was. He put his, I believe it was his baseball hat in the 1992 Nickelodeon time capsule, Joy Lawrence. - When have they opened that? - No, I think this was to open it in another 10 years. It was like a 25 year thing. - Do you want to go? - We could go. - Okay. - Let's go. We'll get tickets. - Yeah, no, Blossom, I, Clarissa was great. I'm not, there's no, there's no denying that Clarissa was great, but Blossom dealt with. - It was real. - Yeah, dealt with a lot of issues. - Clarissa was too fantastical. - Too fantastical. Every, every girl and gay man that I know love the idea of Sam. - How many girls in gay men do you know? - I want a number. - Counting, counting myself? - Okay. - Are you a girl or a gay man? - Well, this podcast can-- - What kind of revelation do you want to have here? - Zero. - Okay. - But everyone loved the idea of Sam and the latter coming up to the window. - Yep. - I-- - 'Cause it's romantic. - Not, but no. - It seemed creepy to me. I don't want my neighbor just clown up a ladder into my house the next time. - I like six. - I like six too, Genovon Oi. - Sure. - 'Cause her name is Genovon Oi. - But also she was doing double duty when she was on Blossom. She played the daughter on Lenny Clark's sitcom, Lenny. - Genovon Oi. She kinda disappeared after Blossom. I think she was-- - She did. She was on Moisha or the part, one of those UPN shows. - What do you mean by one of those UPN shows? - I mean one of the shows that was on UPN. - You're terrible. So I would not have watched Blossom. I enjoyed Blossom, it was more of a, my sister was more into Blossom than I was. - Okay. - And that's ain't a lot because I had a subscription to Sassy Magazine at this time and I'm not ashamed of it, but I-- - Is that a porn mag? - It was a porn mag. I definitely would have watched Bob, which was Bob Newhart's third sitcom where he played a comic book artist. - It's good to look at your ad. - No, there is a giant ad in here because Bob's got your Christmas gift. - A special Monday night. - But really, did you enjoy it in the pantheon of Bob Newhart shows? - No, it's one of the weaker, it's probably the second worst Bob Newhart sitcom. - But your dedication to Bob Newhart? - Here's the thing, love Bob Newhart, Newhart's one of my favorite sitcoms of all time. The premise of the sitcom was that he was a 1960s comic book artist who created a comic character called Mad Dog and who they bring back now that the comic book boom has gone full swing in the early 90s. A huge comic fan was giant into comics then, so it was like it was completely inside for me. - Okay, yeah, yeah. It's got Bob Newhart to the comics. - Yeah, it didn't, it lasted two seasons, it wasn't great. - Do you think he had a hand in creating that show? - No, no. - Like, they were just like, "Bob, we'll get this." He's like, "What's a comic book?" - See, the two Bob shows that are no good are shows where Bob Newhart has children. He should never have children in a show. - No, no. - It always makes it bad. All right, nine p.m., what do you got? - Nine p.m., it's a no-brainer for me. WWF prime time on USA. - On USA. - Yes. - So by 92 I had checked out of Wrestle. - Sure, sure. - Was this Donk the Clown era? - This was 92, would have been... - Undertaker. - Undertaker, Yoko Zuna. - Okay. - Macho Man was still heavy. Ultimate Warrior was fading. - Okay. - Hogan was fading. - Yeah. - This was also, this is WWF prime time. This is a year, maybe six months before they introduce WWF Raw. - Right. - Which is, it becomes their flagship show. - I definitely never watched Raw. - Right. - But prime time was a great old school in studio show. - Did they do Piper's Pit? - Well, yeah, I think they did a lot of segments like that. - Okay. - By this time they had a round table, basically. And it was Vince McMahon in his blue jacket. - Okay. - And then they would have like Mr. Perfect, Bobby Heenan, Hillbilly Jim and Slick say on a panel. And then they would talk about the issues of wrestling. - Okay. - And then cut to. - Like the McLachlan group. - Basically with zero politics. - Okay. - And then they would cut to lie, or not lie, but pre-taped matches. - Right. - And it would come back and talk about the matches. And how many wrestling events had you attended at this point? - Probably three or four. - Did you ever go to a taping? - I didn't until after the next year, I went to the WWF Survivor Series in Boston Garden and made it on camera. - You made it on camera? - Yeah. - Do you have a tape of this? - Yes, I do. - Oh, I'd love to see a screen shot of that. - Yeah, it's on YouTube. - Nice. All right, we'll take a look at that after we watch Roundhouse. - There's, yeah, is it's a point where this, speaking of the donks, there was a-- - The midget donk. - There was the donks. - Dink. There was no, it was not actually donk. It was donk hired the Bushwackers and a team called Men on a Mission. - I don't know, Men on a Mission. Were they, Jesus, was that there? - They were, they were walking with Jesus. Was there, but it was Men on a Mission and they were a rapping duo. - Okay. - And so they were black men in white face because they were, they-- - Moam? - Men on a Mission. - Okay. - They were called Mom. - Mom. - But they were, so they were, both the Bushwackers were in doing like pumping. - Okay, yep. - And then Men on a Mission and at the point, they go, there's a, like, every time they come out, they rap and they go, somebody, everybody, somebody screams. - So you've just described juggalos. - Yeah, I guess I did, black juggalos. - Yup. - Plugalos. - Yup. - But as they say, somebody's scream cut to me in the audience. - You're screaming? - With a giant cuff and my hands waving in the air. - Do you have a foam finger? - No foam finger. I do like, I think I have a shirt on. I think I have, like, a wrestling shirt. - Well, that's good that you have a shirt on. You weren't sure. - I was, I was drunk. It was, it was full of vodka. - I'm excited to see this footage now. So, so no, no surprise. - No, huge fan. - Huge fan of wrestling. - Like, I mean, this was the, when you said primetime, there's so many other, there's so, like, there's wrestling on Saturday nights and Sunday nights, Monday nights. And then it was the night that you watched. - Yeah. - So I would have gone with Murphy Brown. I was a big fan of Murphy Brown, and then at 8.30, I would have gone with Hearts of Fire, which was John Ritter and Marky Post. Big Marky Post fan from Night Court. - I did, I loved Murphy Brown. My brother was a real asshole at this time, and... - Is he, is he better now? - He's always better now. - Okay. - He, he would, were you into calling shows? Like, calling, watching? Like, oh, I'm gonna, you call what you want to watch before... - No, we had more than one TV. So, so I had a TV in my room. - Oh, all right. Oh, then you were... - You only have one TV in your house? - We had one, we had a cable television in the living room. We had a cable that ran to my bedroom, but... - Let me go split. - But you could only watch what was on... - Oh, so it was just a clone. - So, but anyway, so my brother was, knew that I would always wanted to watch primetime, and would call watching one night football. Like, I watch one night football, and then like, but I wanna... - I will tell you this in my, in my over three decades on this planet, I have never watched, launched. I never launched, and also I have never once watched a single second of Monday Night Football. - Oh, wow. - Never in our life, never. - For no reason. - I don't like sports. - I know, but like even, like, listening to Hank Williams Jr. - Now, my dad's a big fan of Hank Williams Jr. He's ready for the football. - All right, so... - Even when Dennis Miller was... - Especially, Dennis Miller and Rush Limbaugh doing color commentary. - All right. - So, also that night I would mention at 10 p.m. Northern Exposure was not which I was not a fan of. - Yeah, yep, yep. - I was watching that. - So, Tuesday. - I would have still been watching primetime. - Primetime, did it go for two hours? - Yeah, it was nine to 11. If I was allowed to still be up. - Wow. So, December 22nd, we're approaching Christmas here. Tuesday, what do you got for eight o'clock? - Full house. - Full house, all right. - There's no, there's no, I think, I don't know, Wednesday was the tough one. - This was after they had moved them from TGIF. They moved them to be the flagship show on the Tuesday night lineup. - Yep, this was, they were sort of ending soon, weren't they? - No, I think they went to about '94. Yeah, they were supposed to actually go another season on the WB, I think they were gonna move to, and then they wouldn't pay them what they wanted. - Oh, okay. - They ended it. But yeah, full house, for sure. It was just, at that point, just habitual. - Right. - Like it was not even-- - You just did it out of-- - Just like this is the show I watch. - Right. I would've gone with, so this particular night, I probably would've watched Scanners 3, The Takeover, on Cinemax, I was a big fan of Scanners 2. - Okay. - I was a Scanners fan, that just happens to be on that night. Otherwise, I probably would've flipped between Quantum Leap and Full House, or Rescue 911, actually. I would've probably flipped between-- - I can't, Rescue 911. It didn't make me feel good. - Yeah, this particular episode of Rescue 911, an ATV accident involving a boy in Alaska, also a baby left in a bathtub who was found unconscious in the water. William Shatner is the host of the series. - I don't know why Rescue 911, maybe, 'cause Rescue 911 always ended well. - No, did it always end well? - Usually, the whole idea was it was highlighting the-- - Success stories, yeah. Even at my young age, I was very amused by the lack of quality in the reenactments on Rescue 911. - Oh, god yeah. - There was, and I loved how they put the real calls. My favorite one was this kid, some really southern kid, was sitting on a bed with an M80 in a lighter, and had lit it by accident, and you can't undo the fuse on those once they go. And he blew his hand off, and then the reenactment was very comical, and especially paired with the actual phone call, this kid going, "I'll blew my hand off, my hand's gone!" There was also a classic episode where a kid fell into a washing machine, and they had these legs just feet going around. - 'Cause Rescue 911, they would show, I don't know if it was a couple years later, but they would show during the daytime, like a four in five p.m. on my lifetime. - USA, that was for sure, a lifetime, yeah. - And I would watch it then, but I think it's something about nighttime watching it. Also, we had been, in Brockton, we'd been like broken into like three times, like in the- - My God. - Like the prior three years, so it was like the idea of calling, or the police, or anyone. - It was bad association. - Bad association. - One of those I slept through completely. - Did homeless people stay at your Christmas presents? Is that what happened? - Did homeless people what? - Stealing your Christmas presents? - Yep, it was, we were in a ski lodge. - Nice, we lived in a ski lodge. - So at 8.30, what'd you go with? - This is probably gonna surprise you, but I went with Comic View. - Comic View? - On BET. - On BET, there was some decent stuff. - I loved Comic View. - I loved Comic View. - I'm not surprised by that. You like the comedy? Comic View had some decent stuff? I'm gonna watch Comic View. Although at the same time, Petticoat Junction was on, and my burgeoning sexuality would have made me flip back and forth between those two things. - That's why I was watching Comic View, my burgeoning sexuality. It was not interested in Petticoat Junction. 9 p.m. - 9 p.m. I feel like you would kick me out of the house if I didn't say, but I loved Roseanne. - Who didn't love Roseanne? I mean, there's no, pretty much everyone's. - There are people that don't like Roseanne. - What else would you have gone with, if not Roseanne, father downling mysteries on the family channel? - I'm saying, I'm trying to remember 92 Roseanne, like where it would have been. - So this episode is Becky returns to the nest with Mark to say goodbye, then flies to Cooark after reassuring Roseanne and Dan that she's a big girl now. It's when they just got married. - Yep. - Yeah, that's a great episode. It ends in a really great down note. That's a classic. - Yeah, Roseanne was great. - No question there. However, that very night, at that time on the USA Network, a Smokey Mountain Christmas. - I did see that. - With Dolly Parton. - Yeah. - I probably would have watched Smokey Mountain Christmas that night. - There was, I was torn between watching for 930, so I'm moving on to 930. - Yeah. - I watched, there was really not, I did not want to watch... - The Jackie Thomas show? - Nope. - It's pretty funny. - I didn't let, I mean, Tom are... - You don't like Tom Arnold? - No. - All right, fair enough. So what do you watch like a half hour of Smokey Mountain Christmas? - I watch a half hour Parenthood. - Parenthood, good call. The movie, not the TV series. - The movie's on, that was two years earlier. - It was on that night, it was on a solid watch. - It's a classic movie. - I love that movie. - Sorry in the theater, I love it. - Yeah. - Smokey Mountain Christmas, however, I'll watch Dolly Parton do anything. - Wait, wait. - Or not do anything, just sit there and be crazy. It's great. - I've watched Dolly Parton do nothing. - In my very home. - In your very home. - Also, I should mention at 10 o'clock that night there was a special that I would have liked to have seen. I haven't watched this, I'll see if I can hunt it down. It's called America's at the mall, examining our complex love-hate relationship with shopping malls, the prime location. - What channel is it? - For American culture, it was on ABC. - Oh, like a, like a... - It was an hour long... - Exposed A. - It was a day special. I kind of would like to see that now. Also that night, Forever Night aired at 1 a.m. - Can you just click on it? - I think I'll just click on it. Yeah, and the TV guide here. So I'm gonna try if I can see if I can hunt that down and watch it at some point on my own. But, we move on to Wednesday-- - We move on to Wednesday. - With a big picture of Debbie Maesar here. - Oh. - For no apparent reason. - She was around then. - Absolutely. 8 p.m., what do you got? - So 8 to 9, I'm watching Beverly Hills Island 2 and 0. - Oof. - And here, so-- - Never liked it. - Never liked it. - Never watched it. - Really, never, like never. This was a thing where I always said I didn't like it. My brother loved it. My middle brother loved the show so much. - So you'd watch it begrudgingly. - I would watch it begrudgingly initially. - Right. - And then like sort of around the sun, they had like a summertime-- - Yeah, they had a brilliant idea with 9 or 2 and L where they had new episodes in the summer, which no one was doing. So, you know, kids were off school, they're all gonna watch it. - Right, so that was one season where I was like, okay. Now, and then I become invested in-- - You got Stockholm. - Yep, I did. And 'cause there are other things on that night that I may have wanted to watch, but I was going by strictly what I would have watched. - I mean, I never what, when 9 or 2 or 0 first came on, it was on Opposite the Flash on CBS. - Yeah. - I always watched The Flash and then-- - But the last one, right? - It didn't, it was very expensive and it lost a lot of ratings due to the Gulf War. I think it's a lot Saddam Hussein. And-- - Was he the villain in The Flash? - He was the villain in The Flash. He was played by Mark Hamill. And the singer from the Sky Band, Hepcat. So they shared the role. - Poor casting choices. - Yes, Dawson's dad was The Flash. John Wesley Ship. - Oh, right. - And I also really liked Amanda Pays, who was the British doctor. - Oh, okay. - Flash. She was also in Max Hedgerham playing - Yes, this is a character. - Later married Corbin Burnson and disappeared. So-- - Wait, she literally disappeared? - Well, no, just from entertainment. - Oh. - Yeah, you killed her. - Corbin Burnson. - I don't believe, if someone told me Corbin Burnson is a murderer. - Like, Corbin Burnson never plays a nice guy. - Like, balding and blonde? - Yeah, that's kind of an asshole look. - Yeah, like the Bradley Whitford look? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - No way, is that his name? - Bradley Whitford, yeah. - Yeah, not the guy from Marismith. - No, that's Brad, that's um, no. - I think his name is Bradley Whitford also. - No, this can't be the same person. - No, but I think, I think the-- - I think they have different names. - I don't know. - Well, anyway, they're both-- - I don't want them all, I suppose they will sort of so-- - So why would have a problem? I would either have watched The Wonder Years, which I was a big fan of, or Unsolved Mysteries. - But The Wonder Years was sort of kind of winding down into the older Wonder Years. - Yeah, but I think it was still pretty good. I still would really like to beat the absolute bag out of Jason Hervey. - Yeah. - If I ever meet him, I'm just gonna, I don't know how he doesn't get punched every single day of his life. - Jason Hervey has a weird connection to professional wrestling in that he is best friends with Eric Bischoff, who was the WCW Vice President. - Okay. - And was always on WCW TV. And he always was the worst. You're like, what? - He's a terrible person. - It's a small-- - I don't know, anything about him, he might be a great guy, but he's looking his face and I wanna deck him. - He produces a lot of stuff now. - I think he's married to a porno actress. - I don't make sense. - Yeah. - What a real Corbin Burnson. - Yeah, Corbin Burnson's a lot better than Jason. - He's an angel. Can you imagine a TV show with Corbin Burnson and Jason Hervey just crisscrossed the country being assholes for-- - Were they just like lawyers or they're-- - They're just being them. - Oh, jolly. - They're just playing themselves. But Corbin Burnson's playing Jason Hervey and Jason Hervey's playing Corbin Burnson. - And they're constantly trying to get into hit movies and like-- - Yeah, they're just, no. - Ooh, they're just trying to get into the movies for free. Like, I'm Corbin Burnson, this is my buddy Jason Hervey. Do you think we're gonna pay for this? And like knocking drinks out of people's hands and just like rear-ending people. - Was Jason Hervey in any movies? - Oh, he's in the Monster Squad. - Monster Squad, yeah, yeah. - He's in PBS Big Adventure. - Right, right, right, yeah. - He's in a lot of stuff. He pops up a lot. So, yep, and I would've gone to Unsolved Mysteries. Probably that night 'cause one of yours was a repeat, but Unsolved Mysteries was new. - Unsolved Mysteries also. This, like, it's in the title. Why would I wanna watch a show where they're just on-- - Well, listen to what was on that night. Reports on a couple's search for a stranger they befriended once, who they suspect is the one annually reciprocating their generosity a hundred-fold, so they get mystery money in the mail every year and they think it's this guy. And then the second story is a hospitalized seven-year-old boy's miraculous recovery. - But they always left it so good, like creepily. - Oh, yeah, they did. - Yeah. - It's great. Fantastic. All right, let's move on to 7.30. - No, well-- - Beverly, it was not a two when I went on all of them. - I was gonna watch all of them. - There's nothing really worth watching at 7.30. I probably watched The Day in Rock on MTV. - Yeah, okay. - If I wasn't watching Unsolved Mysteries, which I was. Now, 9 p.m., please tell me you're not doing what I think you might do. - I am doing it because I'm being, listen. - I know, I appreciate your honesty. - On that night, Seinfeld is on and Home Improvement's on. - Yeah. You went with Home Improvement? - Given the choice then, Home Improvement. Given the choice now, I would watch Seinfeld. Home Improvement is one of my least favorite sitcoms of all time, probably just slightly above Mama's family. - Oh, okay. - It's, I just really hate it. I hated everyone on it. I hated their hair. I hated the southernness of the show. - Oh, because of what the mother was sort of-- - It just had a real southern vibe, the mass car. Yeah, I mean, I'm to a fault New Englandy and that show was just like, ipacactomy. - Okay. - I, Home Improvement, I loved as a young comedy fan. I loved Tim Allen's standup. - Oh, couldn't stand it. - Yeah, I mean-- - Fair enough. - You're admitting this now. - I'm admitting and like taste-- - It grows, it changes. I was the youngest in my family. So I was very young for a while. Like-- - Well, we were all very young for a while. - Well, what I'm saying is like, even at 12, I was-- - You had arrested development, you needed-- - I was stunted, stunted. - I was still telling, I believe in Santa Claus. - Right. - But like-- - Mentally, you were Jason Hervey's size. - I was, I was Corbin Branson. No, I did really enjoy Home Improvement a lot. I also, I mean, I did like Seinfeld, but I didn't like Seinfeld a lot, probably then. I think Seinfeld was, when they moved to Thursday, there would have been no-- - See, I liked Seinfeld a lot then and I don't like it that much now. I feel like it doesn't quite hold up, but Blossom was the first show I remember to do a Seinfeld parody. They did a Seinfeld parody on an episode in about '91 or '92. - Really? - Yes, they were talking about the show Seinfeld and it was Blossom and her dad talking in the kitchen about caffeinated coffee in a Seinfeld way and she's like, there's no calf, there's no calf in this coffee. - Was it framed like they were in like the booth almost? - No, no, no, sort of, but it was-- - But it was just the-- - Surprising. - The dialogue. At that same time, however, at 9 p.m. on the family channel, Kenny and Dolly Christmas. - That was, that completely, I missed that for sure. - You bet you missed it. - And you know my love of Kenny and Dolly. - Yes, I'll be home with Belzine. - I'll certainly be a last channeling that. - 930. - 930 coach. - Oh, hate it. - Hate it coach. - That 9 to 10 home improvement coach block was the worst. - Hate it. Hate Craig T. Nelson, didn't enjoy the show. Hate it the Van Dyke on it. - Oh, what's the name of it? - Jerry. - Jerry Van Dyke, Luther. - That show was just, okay. - Dauber? - No, that show was a show where all the main characters were the dumb guy from other shows. - Great, yeah. I mean, I liked, Matt about you was also on-- - And Matt about you was great. - Matt about you was great. - Again, this is strictly what I'm going with for what I would have watched as an 11-year-old. - Fair enough, fair enough, you were 11. - I was 11 and Matt about you at the time-- - A little too old. - It just didn't, yeah, I-- - It didn't do it for you. - It didn't pump your nads. - Excuse me. - Matt about you just didn't pump your nads. - Are you starting a new phrase? - That's, I think that's a phrase. - Is it? - Yeah. - All right. - It's in the breakfast club. - If it's in the breakfast club, it's a phrase. - I mean, I was pumping my nads, but-- - But not to Matt about you. - Not to Matt about you. - All right. Thursday. - Well, you would have gone with Matt about you? - Oh, absolutely. Yeah, I love Paul Reiser. I loved his comedy. I loved him in "Diner." I loved him in "Alien," where he was an asshole. - Do you like Paul Reiser now? - I do like Paul Reiser now. I think he's funny, he's a good comic, and I watch Matt about you to this day. I still watch it whenever I can. - I mean, where's Craig T. Nelson now? - Craig T. Nelson used to be a stand-up, and now he's a piece of shit. - He's an American. - Is he an American? - Is he an American? - The new Parenthood, the inferior Parenthood. - The inferior Parenthood movie and other show. - The original TV series. I did enjoy Craig T. Nelson's role as the villain in the film, "Action Jackson." - Oh, okay. Oh, you just reminded me that one of those nights, I forget which one it was, but "A Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai" is on. - Amazing movie. - Yeah, it's on. - I would have watched that. - Absolutely would have watched that. Any time that movie's on, I'll watch it. Thursday night. - Thursday night. - Eight o'clock. - Now this is-- - Treasure trove of-- - Christmas Eve, 1992. December 24th, 1992. Thursday, Christmas Eve. - Here's what I'm watching on Christmas Eve. I'm watching for Santa, is what? - Yes. - What time would you go to bed on Christmas Eve at that time? - We would probably have some people over. - Oh, you did it a year, yeah. The Christmas Eve at your house. - At 92, I think so. - Would you go to like Midnight Mass? - No, no, no, no. But we definitely, like, TV would probably wouldn't be on. It would be like-- - What kind of holiday is that? - Well, I mean, we'd just be sort of buzzing around waiting and-- - Like, toggling family? - Toting family? - Opening gift. - Wait, wait, wait. - A gift? - Okay, so you were of the tradition that you would open one gift on Christmas Eve and the rest on Christmas day. - But not, it would be one gift that was sort of out, not from Santa Claus. It was like-- - Like, your mom got you a gift. - Yeah, or like, there's an aunt sending a gift. - You still believed in Santa at this point, at age 11? - I did not believe in Santa, but my mother thought I did. - When did you stop believing? - When I was shown where the presents were hidden. - What age were you? - That was probably nine. - Okay. - My brothers, specifically, I mean, my parents, we live in an apartment. - Right. - There's not many places to hide. - You can't hide a lot of stuff there. - But my, so they hid feelings. Can't hide feelings. - Can't hide feelings. If you're in your room with, I shared a room with my brother. You can't hide any-- - Bodies. - Feelings. - Right. - I was sharing a room seems like the war. I can't imagine sharing a room. We didn't have a lot of money, but at least had my own room. That was, I could never have imagined sharing a room. - Bunk beds. I had bunk beds, I had top bunk. - I had bunk beds. - Didn't you? - No reason. Didn't you hear a room? No one ever slept over. - No, I had bunk beds. - No. Really? - Yeah. - I just, I had bunk beds for no apparent reason. I think my dad got them for free. - Did you sleep over other people's houses? - No. - Okay. - I didn't sleep while at other people's house. I never slept. I slept maybe two hours a night until I was about 23. - Really? - Yeah. - So you're just constantly up? - I was just up. - Wow. - Yeah. - No, bunk beds. I enjoyed the top bunk. - Yeah, if you're gonna bunk bed, you wanna be the top bunk. - I used to flip off. I used to grab the-- - You'd flip off the bed? - Yep. - A fuck you, top bunk. (laughing) - Yeah, well, I mean, I also used to wet the bed, so it was not-- - Well, that's why you're on the top. - That was really, that's why I was flipping off the bed. - Yeah, it was the bed's fault. - It was the bed's fault. - It's never happened before. - It blew the way it was dressed. - Yeah. - But, yeah, no, I definitely sharing a room. Oh, it was the presence that they hid them in a closet that was in our room. Like-- - That's very lazy. - Well, it was like a deep closet that became, it was basically my mom's closet because they lived. The apartment was like an old house. - Okay. - And their room was like, what used to be the-- - A die in the room or something? - Yeah. - So they had like sliding doors. - The reception room. - Right. - So it wasn't built for a bedroom-- - Right. - Have a closet. - So they used, so they would hide it in the very back. - So, did you also use that closet? - No, I mean, we-- - We didn't have a closet. - No. So we would have just our dressers and stuff. - So they assumed you wouldn't go in there? - Or they just had no other option to hide. - Right. - That you couldn't bring me a grandmother's house or something like that. - I don't know. So my brother showed me where those presents were, and then I went, oh, and then Christmas morning, I got the same stuff. - Right. - Ours were padlocked in the attic. - Wow. - But Christmas morning, so were you like, please don't be the same stuff I saw? Please don't be the same stuff I saw. - I really, 'cause I really, I mean, I, till 12, I like, I made them believe that I still believed. - Right. - Did you feel betrayed? - I didn't feel betrayed, I just, I was like, I think I was hoping that it wasn't the case and these were like presents for someone else, or when did you-- - I was about nine as well, I had suspicions, but I was over our neighbor's house, the Murphy's. They had like six kids, I think, and I would just walk over their house before school and eat breakfast sometimes, and then I would go to Charlie Perkins' house and read the paper, but-- - You're a really good old man. - Yeah, yeah, I was very strange. I would read the paper with his dad and watch Danger Mouse, 'cause I would be up. I'd get up at like four in the morning. - Sure. - Sure, yeah. - But I was over the-- - As a nine-year-old, did you do the paper flip, like the-- - Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. - Oh, I was full on, if I could've had a pipe, I would've. And just walking on and be like, "Morning." And so I was over their house and Tom was the only one up and it was around Christmas, and he said to me, he goes, "You believe that dumb kids who don't know Santa's, "your parents?" And I went, "Would've want you an idiot." And I played it off, I was like, "No, I can't believe it." - Well, like crumbling inside? - Yeah, yeah, inside I was like, "Oh man." - Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, Christmas I mean you got yeah no I know it's a wonderful life wow how the Grinch stole Christmas these are all on well so what are you gonna choose I think I probably would have went with the Grinch the Grinch yeah all right 8 30 what if you if that the Simpsons were you say are you a Simpsons fan I am I stopped watching around probably 98 okay but I enjoyed the Simpsons quite a bit okay I wouldn't have watched big brother Jake more shows big brother Jake of all time right there was not Jake Seinfeld no Jake Steinfeld on family right family channel yep family channel at the approach of the holidays Jake reflects on his heritage there was I think he was on the family channel maybe was on Disney but it wasn't around this time is earlier but big brother Jake was in a category of like also the remember she'll learning the ropes no with Lyle Elzato Lyle Elzato who died from steroids right he was a professional wrestler okay special wrestling sitcom yep that actually starred a lot of like the NWA wrestlers but big brother Jake always makes me think cuz it's like he was very Lyle Elzato yeah and it was a similar sort of like aesthetic aesthetic yes yeah big brother Jake not good stuff no 8 30 though this this one's tough I know what I would have watched that night how about you Martin you would have gone with Martin I I had especially 92 Martin where it was good did you like live in single I did I mean I didn't watch it like as much as I would watch Martin but I did if it was on and I was the only thing on certainly I would always watch live in single I hated Martin really I didn't like Shenanay I just thought I was so dumb the first two two or three seasons of Martin were really good when they still had like he was still working at the radio station right like it was a little more realistic and then they got cartoonish very cartoonish the characters became more important than Martin also he was such a horrible person on set oh yeah but he couldn't be in the same scene with his wife on the show the other thing is so so I would always watch a different world anyway which is a much better show than Martin was I know 8 30 that was a big different world fan different world I don't know I didn't I don't know if I saw it that was on it's fantastic that was a great show and in this particular episode Robert Guillaume guest stars however that night being Christmas Eve was the debut I believe it was the debut no it was the year before I think a debut but a wish for wings at work the opus build a cat comic strip Christmas special which is great well I don't know that is really wish for wings at work no oh you should see it at Christmas it's great okay it's it's you know build a cat the comic strip character opus the bird yeah yeah yeah he wishes for wings because he's a penguin he wants to fly Christmas it's a great Christmas special I highly recommend it I'll make you copy also for those who care the second of two big brother Jake episodes is the two part or no it's it's just the second unrelated episode but it's also a Christmas episode where social worker Roberta Dominion spoils the family's holiday celebration damn Armenians big boy on everybody's holidays walking with Jesus 9 p.m. where you going I'm going cheers good call cheers the good call not a Christmas episode it's a repeat although I pretty much always watch chairs I love sure yeah I don't think there's on Christmas Eve very rarely are the Christmas episodes that's not true it usually they build up before they're like the week before sometimes but not always they're gonna waste a new Christmas episode on a night where no one's gonna watch TV I always watch TV on Christmas yes I'm you're up until some little bit different yeah so cheers I think is here's a call that's the move there yeah in 9 30 wings yeah wings is wings favorite I absolutely love wings I watch it frequently now it's it's a great show however as much as I like wings I could have potentially at that time watched on Showtime Paul prevents his comedy special was that that was on it was on a 9 30 then 30 on Christmas Eve and Christmas Eve showtime comedy special but here's what I think I would have done now generally I would have watched wings okay but on the family channel after the double shot of big brother Jake right was maniac mansion with Joe Flaherty and it was the Christmas special of maniac mansion oh boy maniac mansion was a great show I never seen it it was very Adam's family okay but it was very good I highly recommend maniac mansion was it later to the video game no was it a show made for family yes it was a family channel show called maniac mansion really I don't know that show at all you should check it out maybe we'll watch maniac mansion after we we check out roundhouse and my and your parents on the W um no I think maybe it's because after big brother Jake you just the family channel just shuts off you would think it did but maniac mansion was sort of an anomaly on the family channel it was it was a very good show it was sort of weird I I was surprised by maniac mansion interesting so that brings us to Friday Friday the last day in the TV guide week pretty much I want to say the easiest day for me easiest day to decide I'm guessing you're a TGI F guy very much so this was Christmas day the literal Christmas day yep see you want family matters family matters which I wasn't the world's biggest fan of I kind of checked out of TGI F after they moved full house off of it so you're big full house fan well here's the thing I was a big just the ten of us just ten was a pre TGI F show that was canceled because of Miller boy yet wanting to produce all the shows on TGI F so when Belvedere ended they took a power grab they said you got to move just the ten of us so we can put another of our shit shows on there they had no place else to put just the ten of us on the schedule canceled it was very upset you're the most upsetting cancellation that I know that you're a big fan still am but you were going family matters not as a repeat it was not Christmas episode it call buys a hot rod for Eddie hoping it will be the road to a father son bonding session and Erkle strike a great episode with a new wonder glue so this is when it got out started to get a little too fantastical too much articles inventions too much Erkle is inventions it got silly mm-hmm not not my favorite I probably would not have watched that that night I would have watched on the Disney Channel John Denver and the Muppets Christmas special yeah it was Christmas I'm not a big fan of the John Denver Muppets special I am not either but I probably would have watched it or there were two other options I would have watched that night there was the year in rock 92 which was the full year retrospective on MTV I probably wouldn't have watched that at that time because they would repeat that 700 times sure next week but I would have probably flipped to the Christmas Nick at Night marathon which was just Nick at night Christmas episodes for 10 hours that I would have been set and watching it all day so seven eight thirty I'm guessing you're going step by step step I need what an awful show I hate step by step it's a terrible show it was sort of the tide of the sleazification of the family sitcom so like anyone on it except except maybe Stacy Keene what I'm what I'm gathering is that you are a fan of a certain era of ABC show and then ABC sort of screws the pooch for you yeah oh I checked out of ABC around 92 with home improvement coach yep step by step yep family matter but I was still on board for growing pains till the end growing years full house full house yeah absolutely all right then at at nine o'clock nine o'clock so you're still you're going with what do you want to study oh at eight thirty I would have gone with CBS I would have gone major dad major dad yeah Joe McRaney I'm okay with all right nine o'clock dinosaurs I would I would be with you on dinosaurs that was a great show a fantastic show very subversive subversive they've got the there's only an Iraq war oh yeah thing that show there it is not possible for a child to watch that show and not grow up left to leading yeah no absolutely she's a good thing yeah normally I would have watched designing women because I was a big designing women fan before that for the two me shot tellers great but for the two years dinosaurs was on if they are if they were against each other I would I would go with dinosaurs I don't know how me check was not I guess it was 92 or they didn't want to say that he was gay but you think never sitting there never they know here's the thing with designing women though they they were one of the first shows to have an AIDS episode with a gay writer they had gay characters all the time why wouldn't they have him be so they have the AIDS episode and the whole time they're all looking at the side of their eyes going well he was going on dates with ladies right exactly I everybody knew everybody yeah but he was that he was a convict I think they were like we've already given him a social problem not to be engaged a social problem but maybe in 1992 it was he was a convict because he was gay yeah he was well it was the south it's true all right so we get a 930 930 very this actually I said Friday was easy but this was a tough tough call I would have stayed on ABC and watch Camp Wilder not a good show not a good show no but I would be more was on camp Wilder what's her name Jared what's her name what's his name Jared Leto was always made his appearance on there yeah I couldn't get into Camp Wilder there's a second episode of Bob on that night which is probably what I would have watched however on on Showtime big was on so I probably would have just watched you move over big yeah yeah that is a tough call I can't fault it for Camp Wilder it's there it's there it's there watch it listen I am not happy ending my week with Camp Wilder for sure there there's some I think big was that's a good choice so some solid choices we've agreed to disagree on some of the week but but you know and nothing to agree just aside from roundhouse so aside from roundhouse so to wrap it up here as we know TV Guide the superior magazine to say your TV week for the free one that comes in the paper that poor people got unlike other things it cheers and it cheers oh it does so to wrap up I'd like to see where you land with the cheer and the jeers of the last one question before yes absolutely are you were you a big crossword no I'm not a crossword guy never did the TV guy crossword to Matthew okay to Matthew if you just feel like you would have had all you would oh yeah too easy yeah no one in my house did them the TV guided crossword actually the TV was basically just for me I used to pay for the subscription myself you pay written as a as a child we've found out of me you you would take the TV times would you would you take from the paper yeah no never never that wouldn't even look at it really yeah no I'm a TV guide man all right people who got the TV week from the paper were the same people who had we've discussed this before but they are people who had toaster ovens and not toasters I don't know what this relation is but in every instance I can think of the people who were TV week people who were toaster oven I had a toaster oven had a toaster as well yeah but you still had the toaster it's it's it's a rule that I've never found not to be the case someday someone brought it up for that reason so you would yes we'd get that in there to the world all right so we have to do one gear and three cheers so let's see it's Christmas they're real generous she'll cheer cheer number one okay years to New York PBS station wnet for securing the rights to one of the pop music's hottest properties Bob Dylan the tribute to the only features Neil Young George Harrison air claptons Stevie Wonder and Willie Nelson would you cheer that or would you cheer that I would certainly cheer that I'm a big all of those guys really odd a jeer I don't really like any of those I like Stevie Wonder the only Bob Dylan I'm not a Bob Dylan fan I'm on the I'm on board all right I'm on board with that also on board with just PBS in general yeah PBS is good oh this one I will wholeheartedly agree with this without even reading it just glancing at it but here we go this is jeers okay to sneaky new advertising techniques commercial starring actors as the characters they play in the TV series is that Craig T Nelson of coach bickering in a craft healthy favorites is that Tim Allen of home improvement serving eggnog from a tabletop cement mixer is that Candice Bergman from Murphy Brown in those sprint spots and is that Jerry Seinfeld or well Jerry Seinfeld of NVC's Seinfeld doing his stand-up shick in those American Express commercials okay so Jerry's always Jerry but that's not the case with the others bait and switch jeers so they're talking about having coach Hock that playing their characters in commercials and who were the first two people that did it the shittiest people on two shitty shows this week Craig T Nelson and Shelley Hoffman improvements Tim Allen well this this is obviously you're you're biased you're you're I mean if I feel like if Patrick Duffy was in there it would you the page would explode yeah Patrick Duffy geez I'm do you disagree with the gear I well they gonna make a little I'm thinking about now and like yeah like at there we're in a specific time now where like major celebrities are doing voiceovers for commercials now right but they're not I think the problem here is that they're playing their characters from the sitcoms in the commercials how else would I'm gonna disagree with the here all right disagree with the chair here's a cheer that will redeem the previous year I think in your eyes to ABC for three more seasons of guarantee tool time and a recent move that's virtually unprecedented in TV land the network ain't an agreement with the creators of home improvement that ensures that the hit sitcom will have a spot and ABC's lineup for at least three more years yeah no I definitely will stand out here here's why these are important three years is because Jonathan Taylor Thomas and I know you hate probably hated him awful I'm glad he's gone away well he was I will say it on this podcast he was my first like crush that I didn't know why it was a pre-sexual crush right that weird feelings for JT exactly I was like what and not the not the like the dumb 10-year-old 11-year-old long-haired right right just as he was becoming like a third man yep I was really you have a poster I did not have a poster that would and I mean I share it wrong horrible you could have sneakily done it just like it's obvious but is I want that here come because he was so you see you at you had you have some nostalgic very nostalgic to all right fair enough so I would agree with the cheer you and disagree obviously I would disagree absolutely yeah absolutely so our final cheer is to Jay Leno who's had a lot of tough press lately for keeping his composure and his ratings as the host of the Tonight Show through a blitz of bad publicity mixed reviews and kicks from rivals Leno has kept his chin up and his voice down so Leno's a pussy the basically they're saying right and they're and they're cool with that also the chin up joke I'm gonna disagree with their cheer based on the yeah I mean they're TV got writers they're not comedians I wonder who who who actually writes the cheers and cheers they are not credited no one is a lot of the faceless TV guy right it's not like the couch critic Jeff Jarvis who gets a gets a job is who reviews Jackie Thomas show actually what is that is that what he's reviewing this he is reviewing the Jackie Thomas show what she likes but the cheers and cheers faceless so so you're sort of mixed here I mixed I agreed the first one yeah yeah all right all right I think it's them two for two with them two for two so much like our opinions yeah I think we were split down the middle yeah well thank you will small thank you I've enjoyed this this has been very insightful and I think it's taught me a lot about you I don't think of any less of you as a as a human good good good dude it due to this TV Gatton's counselor session even the roundhouse day I'm gonna forgive it we'll watch an episode and y'all y'all see I can't wait yeah all right well thank you very much thank you and there you go that was a little smally really good guy he unfortunately was wrong about roundhouse I went on a little bit too long about that but as a follow-up we did sit and watch a roundhouse and I think he got through maybe 10 minutes before he decided it was terrible I also will have will will have will will we'll be coming back in the future and I have plans to do an all wrestling discussion episode which I'm sure there's probably 7,000 podcasts about wrestling out there but we will do an interesting one for sure so that was will smally that is the first episode of the TV Gatton's counselor Boston Marathon we'll have more there's more on iTunes and on SoundCloud and on TV guidance counselor comms so please enjoy them and I will definitely see Wednesday as well for an all-new episode and please subscribe if you didn't subscribe to the show you would have missed all these episodes and you would have had to manually go and download them what a pain if you like the show please review the show rate the show tell your friends about the show and don't forget Wednesday night the 22nd of April I'll be doing a special live TV guidance counselor with my guest Mary Mack that is part of the Women in Comedy Festival and also thanks to everyone who came out to the Eugene Murman Festival over the weekend and saw me do a live edition with Eugene Murman that was a lot of fun and May 7th don't forget if you're on the West Coast I will be in Portland Oregon doing another live edition you can find details out about all those on the TV Gatton's counselor Facebook page or you can send me an email at TV Gatton's counselor at gmail.com or can at iconry.com anyway that is the first part of the Boston Marathon there's more episodes to come so please enjoy them and I'll talk to you later take care bye you're gonna use glue use the rough glue when you get to see Sammy Hagar get hit by a line drive is when Sammy Hagar is fielding a ball from an actual baseball player Brockton had an influence on me I liked Joy Lawrence black juggalos yep
