- Wait, you have a TV? - No, I don't like to read the TV guide. Read the TV guide, don't need a TV. (rock music) - Hello and welcome. It's Wednesday, it's TV Guidance Counselor Day, officially in at least four counties. Thank you guys so much for checking out the show this week. I am very excited for my guests this week. It's taken me a while to pin them down and they are a very important part of my sort of comedy, coming of age. So my guests this week are the Walsh brothers, David and Christopher Walsh, and a little bit of history of my sort of comedy, I hate to call it a career. A little bit of history of my comedy, let's say, experience and some of the alt call comedy scene here in the Boston area. I started comedy in 2003 while I was living in London. I moved back here in 2004 and for the first three years or so. I did okay, it wasn't that awful. I did kind of what I thought stand up comedy was. I did a lot of more jokes and less stories and less of the stuff that I do now. I knew the Walsh brothers sort of previous to doing comedy. They grew up in Charlestown, Massachusetts with some friends of mine who I knew from bands and things. So I actually knew them previously. But around 2005, I started going to their weekly great and secret show and a little bit about that show. Boston in the last 15 years kind of had a couple of different waves of alt comedy. The first one kind of started in 1996 at the comedy studio where you had guys like Eugene Merman and Jen Kirkman and Brendan Small and Larry Murphy and Val Capa and people like that. And after they all kind of moved, the second generation of alt comedy was a lot of great people but the Walsh brothers as well. And they started a Thursday night late night show at Improv Boston and Inman Square in Cambridge because the theater had nothing going on at 10 o'clock on a Thursday. They were kind of like, hey, here's the keys. Just don't burn the place down. And so they were doing just some really great bizarre, interesting stuff. And I used to go every week and just watch the shows and I found it really inspiring and started wanting to do more stuff like I wanted to watch rather than stuff that I thought the audience wanted to hear. And eventually the Walsh's let me have sort of a weekly spot on the show and I started branching out doing a lot more story stuff, a lot more weird stuff. And it made me a lot better as a comedian. There were some other people that sort of, it's almost like an apprenticeship program that fell into this. You had Chris Coxin and John Sullivan, we're not a tutko, Nate Johnson, some really funny people. And we all started kind of working together and getting better at comedy. And that is kind of all thanks to the Walsh brothers. So I really, really old these guys. They moved to LA something like seven years ago now. And so I always try to grab them when I'm out in LA or when they come home, but it's difficult but we managed to do it this time. So I'm very excited. This is a fun one. So please enjoy this week's episode with David and Christopher Walsh, the Walsh brothers. (upbeat music) - The Walsh brothers, Christopher and David Walsh, how are you guys doing? - We're doing well. - Thank you for coming to my house. - Thanks for having, you're one of the few people who know us by name and can single us out individually. - That's true, and in half. - Yes, yes, yes. Our dad can't even, he doesn't even know our names anymore. It's just the Walsh brothers, he'll introduce us when we seem like, and you know the Walsh brothers just strangers, he'll say that. - Does he loop in your other brother as well to that? - No, no, no. I think some reason he gets a pass. - He just has a first name. He doesn't know his last name. - Yeah, the older one. - Yeah. - This is the Walsh brothers and then the older one. - We're actually okay with that, that shorthand. - It's easy. People always wanna know, tell me your name. Like, no, no, you're not gonna remember it. - I'm gonna forget yours. - It doesn't matter to the Walsh brothers, it's fun. - Yeah, and it's better than the Walsh sisters. - Ooh. - Those guys are in trouble. - Do you only have one sister? - We do. - So she couldn't ever be the Walsh sisters? - She couldn't. No, unless like she had, well, she does have a multiple personality. - Right, she's big and a civil. - Yeah. - You know what'd be weird is if someone advertised themselves as the Walsh brother. Like, that was their stage name and they were never part of-- - Someday one of us might have to do that. - Yeah, it might go solo as a Walsh brother? - That would be great. And this is David of the Walsh brothers. - Of the Walsh brothers. - Yeah. - And these brothers do like, I have siblings. - It's really, there are like two, at least two other sets of Walsh brothers. - Oh, it's great. - Ooh, the box. - Yeah. - Or a rapper. - Or a moving company. - Well, a moving company. - No, yeah, there's their singer rappers, and they're in England. - Yeah. - And then there are boxers in Ireland. - Yeah. - This is almost like, I mean, it's easy. - Are you just guessing this, but it's probably-- - No, no, that's true. - No, we're friends with all of them. - And then there are-- - There's another group that's like DJs in LA. - Yeah, have you run into them in Los Angeles? - No, but how about we're friends on Facebook? - But we have run into people who think we're those people. - Nice, do you pretend that you are? I imagine you guys will always-- - Oh, I came here expecting you to see a DJ set. - And it's like, well, that's about you, not me. - Yeah, right. - There's a couple other Ken reads, some of them are related to, some of them are dead, but one of them is a conservative Southern politician. - Ooh! - And I get emails for him occasionally. - That's great. - I always answer them, and one of them I got quoted in some newspaper in like, Loudon, Virginia, as him. And he sent me the angriest-- - That's great. - And I was like, what? I thought this reporter was asking me what I think about the Loudon School Board. I answered him. - So he's like-- - Has he a small-time politician? - Yeah, he's like some local politician, but he's got aspirations. He's run for state something or other a couple of times, and then there's another one who's a sports caster in Canada who I occasionally get questions about hockey for. - Oh, really? - Yeah. - So I'll just make up names. - You should change my name to Jeb Bush. - Jeb Bush. - I do get a lot of questions in the next couple of years. - I think the people who email Jeb Bush could conceivably mistakenly email me. - Yeah, that's true. - Just as it is now. - That's true. - When I was in college at Northeastern, which I could admit publicly now, I had an AOL account. It was Kenneth W. Reid at AOL. And there was-- - Did you have to insert the disc? - I had to insert the disc, yeah, into my brain. You had to lick the disc, I had to blow on it. And I had to say, "Well, it counts since 1992." And there was another Kenneth W. Reid at Northeastern. And he was in a group for a group project with these people, and he was like Kenneth W. Reid at Yahoo or something. And so they emailed me thinking it was him. And so they-- - We were the one out by the way. - Yeah, I know. And this was like a Tuesday, after they had met as a group, and they weren't meeting again for another week. So I responded being like, "You know, I don't know if I can work "in a group of these people, "'cause I just have a thing for Kelly, "'cause I can see all the names between the group." And I think the tension is just two. And so it became this argument for a whole week back and forth. And then Tuesday rolls around and at like six, which would have been after they met. I get an email from one of the kids being like, "You're a real dickhead." I was like, "You should have checked before you emailed." I got a whole week. - And because it's a commute to school, he couldn't show up at your dorm room. - Or did you live on campus? - I didn't live on campus. - I was a commuter. - I was a commuter, which is-- - People would shun you, like I remember-- - Oh, totally. - Half the kids would be like, "Oh, dorm room, you went in, I'm like, I commute." And then they would just skulk away. And then the people who'd be like, "Oh, cool, you took the green line." I'd be like, "No, I take the orange line." And then they'd be like, "Goodbye." Like it was the bottom line. - You're not on the green line, you're not cool. - Yeah, it is. - There's always levels of stereotype and generalization. - Yeah. - And I think the orange line's better than the green line here. - Oh, the orange line. - I always would love-- - It's smoother. - Yeah. - It's smoother. I always loved the red line, 'cause it seemed like more of a subway line. - Yeah, it's higher. - And then I said that to somebody, so I was like, "Oh, the orange line is clearly the best, "it gets you there quicker, it's cleaner." - Yeah, it's newer too, it was newer. But they always, I would always say, "Well, the orange line's never done this. "I've never been on the orange line. "It's stopped randomly in a tunnel." And all the lights went off for 10 minutes with no explanations. - That's what I'm saying. That was the subway that I knew from TV and movies. - Yeah. - So the orange line seems like a monorail in Disney. I was like, "What's your doors on the red line? "You're in New York." - Oh yeah, that freaked me out the first time I went on the subway with the actual past three doors. - Oh yeah, you see someone really rogue? - Yeah. - Just coming through. - Chasing someone? - Yeah. - They're just gonna shake everyone down. - Slides it off. - Holding a switchblade. - It's gonna be a gang fight, that's what's gonna happen. - All right, you're gonna see the Warriors. - Yeah. - I always thought New York was the Warriors, and that's why I-- - Constantly, too. - I had the same thing with Texas. I thought it was all Texas Chainsaw Massacre. - I thought you were gonna say I thought it was all the Warriors. - No, yeah, all Warriors. - Every city is the Warriors. - We went through Texas only a couple of years ago. - We drove through Texas really nice-- - It's nothing like-- - Seven years ago. - And I was like, "It's gonna be chainsaws." It's gonna be people in the street with blood on their face. - Why wouldn't they have a giant statue of a guy with his chainsaws? - Yeah, Gunnar Hanson doing the dance. - Oh my God. - Yeah, it's weirdly more like Mean Girls. - Oh, completely. - Completely. - Completely. - Gunnar Hanson from Texas, New Mexico, lives in New Hampshire. - Oh, really? - Yeah. I lived somewhere up near Vermont. I also said massacre. I just thought-- - There you go. You got to do that a lot with us. - The dog freaking out outside. I put Pete outside, everybody, 'cause he was doing a lot of humpin' with the waffles. - You were relaxin'? - Yeah. So, oh, and then post-grip to that Kenneth W. Reid who went to Northeastern. His little sad post-grip. I never got my diploma. I graduated, but they mailed my diploma to him. - Come on. - And it happened like five times. He was a Yahoo account. And so I was like, "I never got this thing." And they were like, "We sent it to you." And I'm like, "You didn't. There's two of us, and they didn't believe me." So I found this kid on MySpace. - What? - Yeah, back, this is how long ago it was. And he was like, "Yeah, I have your diploma." And you also used to screw up my financial aid 'cause I would get your thing, and I was like, "Fine." So he was like, "I'll send you the diploma. That's fine." So I don't get it. I don't get it. And then I call him and his parents answer. And he had died of leukemia. - Oh, man. - Yeah. - Boom. - So the point is I never got my damn diploma. - He was, "Oh my God." - Yeah. - He's been a great end of the conversation. So can I get my diploma? - Yeah. - He's not using it, right? Or even if you haven't even-- - And his, too? - Or you happen to go visit for whatever by some strange happenstance. And you walk in, and they're hanging all of your diplomas on his wall. - Yeah. - Five diplomas. - Life isn't a Larry David's. - Yes. Yes. - So you guys picked an edition from July 4th week, 1987. This is a Chicago edition. - Yes. - So we've gone seven to nine. But what drew you to this particular issue? - Well, we kind of grew a main time for TV for us was the '80s. - Yeah. - We're always watching TV and stuff in the '80s. - We're a couple of years apart. - We're born in the '70s. - You're two years older than Chris? - Three and a half years older. Okay. And there's no sibling in between you. - There is, definitely. - Oh, okay. - So you can get sisters between them. - The broad. - So you have four, there's four kids in the family? - Four of us. - But then there were always people living with us in addition to-- - Ah, family members. - Oh, friends. We never, strangely, our parents are, you know, not strangely, we grew up in Boston. So they're a little racist and a little homophobic and stuff. But several times we've had people live with us and one was this gay guy who's still in the closet who is very gay. - You were the refuge house. - Oh my God. - Yeah. - Yeah. - And our parents are very welcoming until people wear out their welcome. - Right. - And the door is never locked literally. - But they would say terrible stuff about, you know, some people 'cause they just didn't understand. It was a time where people really didn't give it a lot of thought and was some ignorance. And we had these people staying with us who were clearly different types of lifestyles or sexualities. - And that's why they were living there. And they just wouldn't care. They'd make the jokes in front of them. - Oh, they'd make the jokes in front of them. Those people, you know, they're so used to hearing the jokes. - Yeah. - And they weren't very sensitive, you know. - So you had basically a teenage white underground railroad. - Yeah, but this guy was an adult. I remember doing push-ups in front of this guy. (laughing) - Oh, is it an adult? - How would these guys end up there? - They were just friends of our parents and then we had some friends or whatever. - Yeah. - So, you know, we're from Charlestown. We won't make the joke that we do on stage, but we're born and raised in Charlestown. And there are a couple of kids. There are three sets of projects in Charlestown. - Dunstable Street. - Dunstable Street, that's Michelin projects. And then you have Newtown. And then you have just the Bungehill projects. And that's only in a square mile. - Yeah. - So a lot of, you know, poor people. - And generationally poor people. - Oh, yes, yes, yes. - Who choose not to get a better job so that they can live cheaply in projects. - Right, right. - That's all changed since we've gone out of here. - But not because you've gone. - Yeah, yeah. - Since we've left, they've torn them all down and everyone's wealthy. - Since we left, since the Ducky Boys left. - Yes. - That's what they were like. - They don't need this anymore. - Since Rob Lynn, just singing. - He's out of it. - He's out of it. - Yeah. - So we, our friend, who grew up in the projects, wanted to get on the police. So he lived with us for a while to kind of - Distant some self. - Distant some self and for stability 'cause they do background checks and all that stuff. - Right, right. - And he ended up getting on the cops and stuff and I run. - Is he still a cop? - Yeah. - Yeah, he's still a cop and we hate cops. - We'll hit you with him. - Here's an interesting number too. - My brother's a cop. - Yeah, your brother's a cop and your brother got a TV credit before you did. - He did. - We still don't have a TV credit, do we? - We have. - We have this kind of TV in the title. - It's TV in the title. - It's TV in the title. - Yeah. - 'Cause I'm gonna put it, it's gonna be on it. - Yeah, did you see this cop? - I did 'cause I watch cops every Saturday. - Oh, crap. - Do you still watch it every Saturday? - I still watch it every Saturday. - Oh my God. - And do you think that's the best show on TV ever? - I don't think ever, it's close though, right? - It's an innovative show. It was one of the most innovative shows. It really birthed reality TV in America and it was much better in the beginning 'cause they did it more like a documentary. - People didn't know what to expect. - People didn't know what to expect. It was brilliant from a production standpoint 'cause the reason they had the idea for it was you can go on ride-alongs for free. - It's also a reality show unlike the other topical reality shows that you can replay. - Yeah. - It really gets old. - It's also still exciting to watch. - It is. - Like cops reload it or whatever. - Oh yeah. And my only problem with it now is that they used to, like if they arrest somebody, they would then have the follow-up of booking them and talking to them and figuring out like how they got there. It was a little more like a documentary. But then in the 90s kind of in the new metal WWF taking over the world. - WWE? - Yes. - They started doing specials like Ho Ho Ho's and the old taser special and that kind of stuff and it got a little bit ex-etated. - Yeah, it's amazing that. - It became like maximum extreme. - Oh yeah. - That show was ridiculous. - I know, it wasn't at the best. Where the guy like rewinds it, he's like, "Let's see that in super slow mode." It's like a huge riot. And a guy's throwing a Molotov cocktail. - Yeah, but someone's gonna hit with a brick on the back of like a mopan. - Oh, he won't be thinking again. - Oh yeah, his commentary was out. - Let's see it backwards, let's see it super slow. - So Maxx people that don't know, this isn't the late 90s or early 2000s. It was a syndicated show. It was the announcer who actually does all the voice work for the Disney channel now. - I feel like it was out of like England or something. - It was an American produced show. And it was on when I used to work at TV 38 and it aired on 38 at like four or more. - WSPK. - WSPK to be 38. - Boston. - The game is on. And so I used to watch it in the program director and I talked to him all the time. So I have all this promo stuff from Maxx like T-shirts and hats. - Oh boy. - And I remember one day he came in. - It was like flying bricks, sir. - It's just bricks on fire. - It's just bricks on fire that you put on your head. But he comes in with the tape. - Right name for a band, bricks on fire. - He comes in with the tape and he goes, "Can't I actually just hand this to you?" - He only watches this stupid show. - Oh my gosh. - Everyone has been claiming the death of American culture. - Yeah. - Since forever. - And that's a good example of that. - It really is. - Every step. Every year there's another thing that people like, "Oh, Jesus Christ." - This is the worst. We've hit rock bottom. - It's happened since TV came on. - Yeah. - And Maxx was so racist because a lot of the footage would be from like Asia or Argentina. - Argentina. - And the government. - There were a lot of international footage. - A lot of international footage. And he would be like, "Down in Mexico where life means nothing." - Yeah. - He would just be like, "What?" - And now that guy's an announcer for Disney. - For Disney, yeah. - Same guy. - There was one, this is a real episode. They were at a funeral in El Salvador. And a candle fell over into the casket and set her on fire. - I remember that one. - And he was all like-- - And she didn't want to be creepy. - He actually was like, "Kaliente!" - And then it was just like, "What is in this little kids "washing their grandmother burned and he's unbelievable." And they did a lot without using graphics or anything. - Yeah. - Which is his voice. - Just religion, his voice. - That was right around the same time as "Blind Date," which was another one of my absolute favorite TV shows of all time. - Roger Lodge. - From the not of this earth remake of Tracy Lourdes, her first non-hardcore sex film. - Oh man. - We have a, you should talk to Alvin David. His friend used to stay and, am I thinking of Tracy Lourdes as, I'm thinking of somebody else actually. - He was an adult actress. - Yes, it is a B-movie, "Carrie Wurr." - Oh, "Carrie Wurr." She was an adult actress. She's the date Henry Rollins. - Oh, really? - Wow. - Oh no, she was an adult actress. - She was a B-movie. - She was in, yeah, she was in "Beastmaster 2" through "The Portal of Time." - Oh man. - She was in "Something in the Alien," but yeah, she was-- - It was "The Poor Man's Beastmaster." - Yes, yes. - "Beastmaster 4 Man's Beastmaster" - "The Poor Man's Beastmaster" - I thought "The Beastmaster" was for "The Poor Man." - I call Conan "The Poor Man's Beastmaster." - Oh, really? - I think you're hunter from the future is "The Poor Man's Beastmaster." - Oh, that's a good one. - Yeah. - The Currie War did a couple of albums as well. - Oh, did she? - Yeah, really? - And she was the girl on the MTV's "Remote Control" from season two. - Yes, yes, yes. Very hot. - Yeah. - I'm speaking out of school 'cause I'm not in school, but I was told this story. There's like eighth hand, by the way. So we saw her house when Alvin came and visited. He's like, "My friend used to stand this house, it was up on the hills on the side of Beachwood Canyon." And he was like, he would stay when Kari would go out of town, he would house sit. And he said she had built a platform 'cause a lot of people have these state levels of their backyard. - Yeah, yeah. - 'Cause it's on hills, yeah. - Vegetation and stuff. - Without overlooking, you can see downtown LA and the lights and everything. - Built a four post platform where she would go up there and make a love overlooking Hollywood. - That's why you like that. - It was a fun platform. - Oh, you can't, I'm surprised that every house just comes with that and advertises it as such. - I don't know. - Now let's go take a look at the fuck platform. - And that's why-- - We call it a one-season porch. - Tell us it goes. - Telescope's a mostly sold or a highest sold. - We've all seen the movie "Body Devil." We know what goes on in Los Angeles. - They would be pointing that Griffith Park observatory telescope right over it. - TV-ness is too many. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - I'm gonna go look at the magnetic exhibit. - Right, right, right, right, right, that's why daddy. - Of course, the Midnight Madness reference. - The best. - The reason why we go to LA. - The best, it's the best. - Hog may. - Hugeum. - Hugeum. - Hugeum, hugum, hugum, hugum, hugum. - Everybody out there see Midnight Madness. - Everyone should see it. - Everyone should see it immediately. - I don't know why they don't see it. - And then you should stay at the bottom of the show. - You're telling us, well-- - You stayed there almost every time we go to LA because of that movie. - Oh, really? - And we would try to get Room 2704. - That's great. - I don't know who used that film there. It wasn't Nick of Time in that book. - Nick Time was there. Steven Segal's "A Hard to Kill" was there. The horse back fight scene in "The Elevators" and "True Lies" was there. - Oh, really? - Yup. - Hey, wait a second, was "Hard to Kill" was out with the Jamaicans? - No, that's Mark for Death. - Okay. - Screw face, got his brother out of that. "Hard to Kill" was originally called "Seven Years Storm." - Oh, wow. - Because his character is named Mason Storm. And he's in a coma for seven years. - No way. - Yeah. - Seven Years Out referenced again. - Now, I have actually, look at it or not, I have several shooting scripts from "Hard to Kill." - Oh, wow. - Yeah. And we did a, my secret menu show they used to do, we did a Steven Segal special and we just reenacted, we did dramatic reading some stories. - Oh, I hope we get away a ponytail at the end. - Yeah. My favorite thing in that movie, and one of the reasons I got the script was because there are scenes in it that I was like, this has to be an improv from Segal. There's no way this is real. And the specific scene is, he finds a puppy that some guy throws in the studio. - Oh, yeah, in a trash bag out the window. - Oh, yeah, highway. - Yeah. And he goes into this place and he goes, - He calls him "Guraju." - "Guraju." He goes, "Hey, you guys, gurah!" So, puppy dog food here. And then the kid who clearly acts like he was not expecting to have lines in this movie, goes, "Oh, whoa, puppy dog food!" Yeah! And then points to something that's clearly not puppy dog food. - Doritos. - Yeah, it's like this whole five minute scene for no reason in the movie. And it's in the script. - Wow. - And we call someone a puke. It's in the scripts. - Oh, really? - Oh, really? - It's puke. - We need more pukes. - People need more pukes. - Those movies are so cool. - People do need to be called pukes more. - Yeah. - I wish Brian Bosworth made more movies. - Stone Cold is the world's greatest action. - It's really great. - And it has such a great supporting cast of character actors in that movie. The end of the movie, when the evil bikers, this won't ruin it for you when you rent it, everybody. Evil bikers go with the goal of murdering the entire Supreme Court. - That's the end scene. - And they're driving through the machine. - They're driving through the Supreme Court. - The Supreme Court has on motorcycles. - It's unbelievable. - That's fantastic. - Everyone has to rewatch it. - It's the best action that ever. - It really is fantastic. That grocery scene is unbelievable. - Clean up on aisle four. - Yeah, the opening of the movie. - Built around that line. - It's basically a knockoff of Cobra, isn't it? That opening? - I don't know. - I'm not going to-- - I'm not going to approve it. - Oh my goodness. - Cobra is the one with-- - Now you're ready. - Well listen to Milano's and Cobra has-- - Here. - Here's your daughter. - No, Cobra's still on. - Yeah. - Commando is what's in here. - We have Commando on our list. - Let's get to the list. - Let's get to the list. - So Saturday, as we've been talking about America and American things like Max X, the first day is Independence Day and there's a thing in this TV that I've never seen before. - Okay. - Where it's on the header of each page instead of just saying Saturday and actually says Independence Day. - Oh, our mind people that you're in America and we're in Independence. - It's 11 years after the bicentennial. Let's not forget. - Day is our Independence Day. - It is ours. So what did you watch? - I could fly. - At seven o'clock, a.k.a. eight o'clock, East Coast time. - Well, we actually jumped back just an hour and we would watch the Waltons and Small Wonder. Small Wonder was, you had to watch it with that lovely little robotic. - It's one of those shows that stays with you for all time. - It's a really strange show. - Anything, because when we were growing up, there were a lot of things that had robotic kids in them. - Yeah, I mean-- - Batteries not included. - Batteries not included. There was a weird thing in the '80s where, number one, we had this technology was gonna save us all thing. But-- - That's better than the idea of a robot bringing you a coke. - Yeah, an omnibot. My dad bought my uncle an omnibot for Christmas as like this big splurge gift 'cause he got a bonus for work. And the omnibot is the one that's people may have seen in the Last Muppets movie, they think they called it '80s robot, but it was a remote control robot and it used to go nuts if an airplane flew over. - Oh really? - It used airplane signals, so it would be in the closet. - It would kill women. - It would kill women and then it would just say demonic incantations. But if it was in the closet and a thing flew over, it was off, it would turn on and make like weird noises. So my uncle killed it with a bat. - Oh my god. - Wow. - Wow. - I would have loved to have seen that. - I hear they have a lot of omnibots. They're still, there's like a revival in Malaysia. - Yeah. (laughing) - In Indonesia. - In Indonesia, they're just trying to- - That's what Indonesia is on, like nine months ago. - It works as a reverse. - It makes planes crash. - I would pick, so what I'm picturing is like a lost island, like where all the Japanese war criminals you thought the war was still going on. - But they're all fighting each other. - All omnibots who've dumped on this island and evolved their own society. - Oh yeah. - And then like they- - But they can't move 'cause they're just stuck in sand. - They're stuck in sand. But they have this like group think thing where they can bring a plane down. As a way to try and get saved. - It's like Jill versus the volcano of omnibots. But small wonder, there was a weird parallel between, I mean, the '80s and the '50s had that weird, there was a lot of '50s nostalgia in the '80s. And so we saw a lot, and politically it was, the climate was similar, but you saw a lot of shows that were about we have a magical thing in our house that we have to keep a secret. - Yeah. - And the '50s had a lot of that with my favorite- - Like AIDS or- - AIDS are our sexuality. - But the '80s got out, Small Wonder, out of this world. There was one called "What a Dummy" about a talking ventriloquist dummy. The television series of "Harry and the Henderson's." - Oh yeah. - There were all these like family secret shows. - Yeah, yeah. - Which someone smarter than me could probably write a good social thesis on. - I'm sure it's been written. - I'm sure it has. - I have it here. - Wow. - This is my thesis on Small Wonder. Small Wonder, also one of the least likable children on a show. - Oh is that Kimmy Gibbler? - No, no. - That was the neighbor's name. - What's the neighbor's name? - The neighbor's the Harriet. - Harriet. - Yeah, I'm talking about the main kid. - Oh, she was Kimmy Gibbler was in Full House. - Full House was Kimmy Gibbler. But there was similar annoying redhead girls. - Oh, okay. - You're talking about the Roman boy. - No, not the boy. - No, not the boy. - Yeah. - 'Cause he was a bad person. - Yeah. - He was always scheming. He lives under a bridge in San Francisco now. - No. - Well, he said a hooker took all his money and he's homeless in San Francisco. - Jesus. - And you should do this with him on that route. - I'd like to. - At least he's not tossing himself off that bridge. - That's true. That's true. - But he also is living like an actual troll. - Oh my God. - Like that's about as bad as it gets. - Oh. - Yeah. - So you're watching Small Wonder and then for that hour. - Let me just say that most of the kids our age, at this time, would just start a new experiment with alcohol and drugs. - To more to TV. - And you probably had more bizarre experiences. - Oh. (laughing) - I would doubt, yeah. - Like if one of the kids was like, "Dude, I smoked a fatty." Is that what they call it? - Yeah. - And I saw this robot girl. He would be like, "That's pretty messed up." - But normally we actually wouldn't have been in the house watching TV on this particular day. - 'Cause it's. - On most days, yeah. But we would go, we were away. We were in New Hampshire. - Right. We did weekends 'cause our parents didn't want us to get addicted to drugs and all that other stuff to the other kids. - All that angel dust. - My dad, all that PCP, yes. Crazy Eddie, as they called it. They actually said to us, "It gets hot in the summer. People start to lose their mind in their summer more." - That's observant. - Yeah. - And then. - They get into more trouble, basically. - Yeah. - And then they brought us to New Hampshire every weekend, ready to exit four. - Nice. - Well, Friday's in the summer, haven't you great? Just out in a little place called Auburn. - Okay, yeah. - On a lake. - On a lake. - So, on Friday mornings, we would tend to, in the summertime, go take in the first showing at sack cinema in summer. - Oh, yeah. - Yeah. - Whatever it became, the lows. - Yep, which way. - And then we would come back and buy that time. My dad would be ready to go, like, out of work early or whatever. - Yeah. - We would just hit the road. - That theater just got torn down. - It got to, there's a new one over there, though. - Yeah. - It's supposed to be really nice. - That theater used to go to all the time. And when I first moved to summer, though, in '99, with Mark Land of the Duckie Boys, actually, for the first time. - Oh, yeah. - You saw Beetlejuice with him. - Beetlejuice? - Yeah, that cinema. - Oh, the movie, not the band. - No, Beetlejuice. - No, Beetlejuice. - Beetlejuice at that cinema with him, Robbie, Dave and I. Like, we all went. - It's a good place to see that movie. I used to go there all the time. And so, I went there one night, and this kid who used to like my old band, who I didn't know this kid, he sold me the ticket and he goes, "Meet me around the back." - Mm. - And I'm like, "Ah, what does it?" So, I meet him around the back, and he hands me a box, and he goes, "Don't open this here. Just get out of here." - Yeah. - Which, whenever that happens, I don't want, I mean, that's maybe it. So, I get home and I open it, and it's literally a case of those where sorry, here's a free pass passes. - Holy cow. - Yeah, like, don't have any restrictions on them. They never expire. It was probably a thousand of them. Like, it was just a full case. - Oh, my God. - So, I went there every day, and the first summer I lived in the summer, I lived in an air conditioning. So, I used to go to the latest showing and sleep, because it was air-conditioned. So, I saw, like, the King's a comedy, like, 17 times. They just slept and trekking. - We paid for that twice, I think. - Yeah. - Oh, my God. - How many times did you sleep during it? - Not at once. That birdie Mac. He kept us awake. - So, in New Hampshire, you would have limited options, I imagine. - Yeah, we had a little screen porch where we would sit there and... - You could get, like... - Oh, look, over in Hampshire. - Maybe get Red Sox games, but it was all, you know. - Yeah. - We'd dream about the man in the mountain. No, we would just run around being made. - The screen is, like, ten inches, you know? - Yeah. - I knew a little black and white. - Well, this night you wouldn't have watched that, obviously, due to... - These are all reruns. - These are all reruns, 'cause it's the summer, so you probably would have seen them anyway. And then, let's move on to seven o'clock. - Yeah. - We went to the primetime. - Two, seven. - Always. - I love two, two, seven. - Oh, my goodness. - The NBC Saturday Night lineup in the late '80s could not be beat. - Well, I think President Obama was probably booking that whole... He was probably setting the schedule 'cause there were so many black shows out at that time. - Yeah, there was. You had two, two, seven, but then fax a life in its final season. - Ooh. - And then, amen. - Amen was on, yes. - Yeah, amen was on, yes. - So, this particular episode of two, two, seven, it is a repeat as we are in the summer. It is aspiring author Sandra's steamy novel based on the residents of two, two, seven. - Ooh, man. - I already liked this already. May ruin Mary's chances for becoming president of the ladies' auxiliary at her church. - Wow. - That is complicated. - That's very complicated. - And that kind of reminds me of erotic fan fiction. - Yeah. - Sandra would be writing that. She would write erotic fan fiction about the people in her building. - The only one I could remember is this, Jack A. - Who's Sandra. - Right? Oh, that's Sandra. - Mary. - Oh, Mary. That was Mary. - Yeah. - Who was the old lady who later became famous from Friday from Smoke in the Blue. - Oh, that's Rose. I'll add a read yet. - She sat in the window a whole time. - Yeah. - And then you have... - Who are the kids? - The kids were... - Wasn't Gina one? - Gina was their daughter with my favorite guys, Hal Williams. - Yes. - Because every episode of that show is him just wanting to eat his dinner and Mary causing a problem. Like he comes over and he's like, "Come on, Mary. I just want to eat my dinner." And she's just like, "Sandra, blah, blah, blah." He's like, "What? Just leave her alone." Like, every episode, if you just listen to him, to Lester, there'd be no plot. And then Gary Sobel was on TikTok. - Gary Sobel, yes. - He was as Dylan McMillan. He replaced Jack A. - Oh. - He absolutely watched. - He would rap a lot. - He would. His raps were terrible. The height of his raps. - Oh my God. - I mean, 7.30 would he go with? - 7.30. Well, commando was on. - So you switched to commando? - Yeah, commando, we would have definitely switched. - You didn't have a lot of choices here. - No, if you could like flip through a TV guide and you ever see the word commando in there, we probably were watching commando at that exact moment. - So you love the action flicks. - We love commando. - Just specifically commando. - Well, commando, when you're selling in commando, it's one of the best. - Yeah, David Patrick Kelly also in the Warriors, which we mentioned. - He's been in the crowd in Twin Peaks. - He's been in so much. - Yep. - And flirting with disaster. - I ran into him on the red line. We also spoke about the red line earlier. - He was doing a play at the ART in part of the square. - And I was going through the turnstile. I was going to host the comedy studio. - What was he playing with Beth or something? - No, it was like a king something around it. - Had we the 8th, a king leader? - Yeah, it was something. It was like, but it might have been something they were just doing. - I think he was doing the Warriors, the play. - Yeah. - He should have wrote the Warriors. But it was set in New Amsterdam. - And so I was coming through the turnstile. And he was coming the other way. And I was like, "Hey." And we were just stopped at the turnstile, which has never ever happened to me in my life since before or since. And I was like, "You're David Patrick Kelly." And I imagine... - DPK. - Yeah. - I was like, "I imagine he's never run into anyone who's known all three of his names, let alone one." And I was like, "You're in every movie I love, from forever. I love every movie." - That's from the Kelly Brothers. - It's like, "I've loved everything you've ever done." And he's like, "Hey, thanks, man." - Yeah. - And he's like, "Get the fuck outta here." He's like, "Where you going?" And I was like, "I'm going to host this show." I was like, "What are you doing?" He's like, "I'm at the ART." - Which is right now with the show. - And I was like, "That's crazy." I didn't know he did like real, you know, like plays and stuff. - Did you ever hear the John Malkovich Howard Harvard Square story? - No. - So I was... John Malkovich lives in Harvard Square, it has for you. - Right, right, right. - And so almost everyone I know has like an encounter with John Malkovich story, including... - John Cusack. - John Cusack. - Including, one of the guys in the growing up noise, I forget. - Oh, Paul? - Paul. It's Paul. And so Paul puts at the old movie theater at the Lowe's in Harvard Square. - Oh, the Lowe's. - And he's putting butter on his popcorn or whatever. And he hears this guy behind him like, "Oh." And he turns around and it's John Malkovich. And Paul's like just really easy going. And he goes, "Oh, man, are you waiting for the butter?" And Malkovich goes, "Yes! I am looking freaks out at him!" So I'm standing outside of Harvard Square waiting to go to a show at the comic store. - I hope he was going to see himself in a movie. - He probably was, yeah. And I'm missing me! - Did you play a song? - Two. - Yeah. - And I forget who I was with. It was another comic and we said, "Oh, this is John Malkovich." And he goes, "Oh, hey, John Malkovich." And he goes, "Oh, you got to just walk with me." And so he's like, "I just like when people walk with me." - Oh my God. - So we're walking down with him and we get to the studio and I'm like, "Oh, this is where we get off." And I can't remember what it was not but they were like, "Oh, we're doing a show, a comedy show in here. Do you want to come into the show?" Which goes, "Absolutely not." (laughter) Walking! It was like perfect response, perfect response. - Perfect response. - Who would you email with Malkovich stories? - Yeah. Everyone from the Boston areas of Malkovich, and then Rachel and I went to go see a play called Burn This that had Jeffrey-- - Tambor? - No, not Jeffrey Tambor. - Oh. - Michael Weston from-- - Yes, yes. Well, there's a burn notice, man, I'm forget-- Jeff Donovan, Jeffrey Donovan, in it. And apparently that play, when it was first put on in New York, Malkovich was in it and played the part, Donovan was playing in what we saw. So Malkovich went and was sitting behind us and Rachel I think doesn't believe my stories a lot of the times. And so I'm like, "There he is." And she's like, "Oh my God." And so there's a girl in the front row who has like a burn notice shirt and hat, like she's a super fan burn notice fan. And Malkovich is there with some friend of his and they're talking before and he goes, "You know if there are people that don't know Jeffrey from his hamlet?" And they go, "I guess he's on some program." And this girl goes, "It's called Burn Notice and it's awesome." She turns around and she goes, "No idea who he is." So Malkovich leans in and he goes, "Tell me about it." - Tell me about this. - Yeah, but burn notice. And she goes in like the whole plot of burn notice and he goes, "Mmm, that was his whole reaction." And then he knew, and it's a funny play, but he knew all the jokes in it because he played that part. So he would start laughing like four seconds before the line. So you knew when a funny part was him because you'd hear like giggling. - Oh, giggling. - He would just get into this weird, it was a very good way to watch him play. - That's awesome. - Very good way. - It's great that he was encouraging of the guy even though he had played this role. - Oh yeah. - Yeah, because he could be seen as a rival. - Oh yeah. - He'd stand up and be like, "You're wrong!" - Yeah, right. - Dennis. - Dennis. - He'd done a vent. - Why are you following me around, Malkovich? - Yeah, that was my two Malkovich. So the only other thing you could watch was a show called Mr. and Mrs. C on NBC that was a mid-season replacement and a failure. It was three episodes. - Did we ever watch that show? - No, I don't think so, because we were away that whole song. - We had three opportunities to see it. - You did. It was Peg Murray's booth. - Was it a good though? - No, it was not good. - Oh. - So we wouldn't have watched that. - Shaves. - Shaves. - Okay. - So nine o'clock would you go with or eight rather? - Uh, Golden Girls. - You gotta go for the Golden Girls. - Always. Those sassy ladies. - Still. - Still holds up. - Oh, it's still funny. - It's still on TV. - He'll want to have sex with all of them. - Yeah, really. - At once? Is it a package deal? - No, no, no, no. - They were a lot younger than they looked. - I wanted to be seduced by Blanche. I wanted to be cuddled by what was this big-- - Rose? - Oh, a B. Arthur. - What was her name on the show? - Her name was B. Arthur's name was Dorothy. - Dorothy. Oh, Dorothy. Yes. I love them all. I wanted to be tickled by Rose. And then what was the mother's name? - Sophia. - Ah, Sophia, yeah. But she looked great. I remember the big story was her great. - She was not old. - She looked out of makeup. - She was the youngest woman. - She was the youngest woman. - Yeah. You know where I first encountered her out of makeup? - Mannequin. - Oh, great. - Could she be the owner of the department store? - Yes, she was. - Was she the mannequin? - Golden Girls was great. I could tell a story about Jim Vallely, who wrote a movie. - Oh, you should. He would love that story. - Yes. - Also the people out there would love that story. - Jim Vallely wrote on Golden Girls. And then according to him, created a rest of development with Mitch. - No, it's. - Her what's. And I'm going to butcher a bunch of names. But he sent us a Myspace message way after we ever went on Myspace. - Okay. - I mean, a long time, like 2011 or whatever. - We were actually back here. So we had moved to LA, but we were back here. - We were back to this tour. - And this is where your Myspace was. You left it. That's all you got. - We left it on our Apple IIe. - We were on the road with Joe Purnese. - Yes. Of the Purnese brothers. We only travel with other brothers and groups. And he sent us a message. I looked and it was from like six months before. - I had no idea. - It was from this guy Jim Vallely. So then I googled Jim Vallely. Who's this guy? And it turned out he's a. - Arrested development. - Fantastic writer. - More importantly the Golden Girls. - Yeah. - I sent him a message. And then he called me. He's like. - Personally. - Give him a personal call. One message. - Right. - He see. - Yeah. - And he's going to landline. And because I don't have a cell phone at the time. - We were at the brattle. He had to use the brattle phone. - No, no. This was before. This is at home. - Okay. - And we're still on Sullivan Street. And he called me up. And he's like. Oh yeah. I just want to say that I love your stuff. I'd be interested to work with you guys. I think you guys are fantastic. You're the new thing. He is. This is the first guy who actually made money doing some kind of TV entertainment. - Right. - Who actually said this to us. - Did you think you were the rap group? - Or the DJ. - Or the movers. - Or the movers. - And he's saying this stuff to me. I'm like, oh, this is fantastic. At the time, we had just done a show at the Comedy Central stage. And we had just pitched our show idea. And they were waiting to decide whether it was going to get picked up or not. Whether it was going to make a show. And I was like, this is great. This guy's in our corner. It's all kind of coming together. And so I called our manager. He was like, you know, I'll call over the Comedy Central. He knew all the executives. He was like, that's a great. - Yeah. - This is it. It's not great. - This is it. - So I then spoke a day later to our manager. And he was like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. He didn't speak that way. I make him a lot funnier than it was. And he's like, that's a bad idea. Can you call him back and tell him not to do that? - Tell him you're dead. - I was like, why? He's like, because we don't know how those executives feel about him. - Okay. - You know, like those guys, you'll get painted with that brush. - Exactly. So I was like, okay, I don't know anything about Hollywood and how it works. - You're the manager. - So I had to keep him out there for seven years now. We still have no idea. - No, no less than we do. - Oh, yeah. Based on stories like this. So I call this guy back in Hollywood movie fashion the way it's generalized and stereotype. Like, he loses his mind. - It unravels. - In a way that I've never seen somebody lose their mind or hear someone lose their mind on a phone. Like I've seen people get upset. Hockey coach is growing up. My father, you know, for like-- - But this is like the career we've worked on for 10 years. - Right. - Moving to LA for. - Where the fuck do you think you are? I'm here to help you. And you're going to tell me. He's like, who's your manager? And he starts just reciting a litany of questions. - Because when you like my manager said we can't work with you? - I just said, it might not, he just mentioned it might not be a great idea. So he started losing on the manager, the management company starts going crazy on the Comedy Central side. And that's what I'm listening to this guy, Coco. I'm like, this is probably why we don't want this guy involved in our life. - That's true. - However, in retrospect, you know, the other thing we'll get to the end. But he starts losing his mind. I was like, oh, I'm sorry. You feel that way, Jim? I was like, I don't, I was like-- - It's possibly the only time I've ever seen David shaken up. - Right. - Since we've worked together where he's like sitting there. I walked in, I just start dying laughing. - Because I always do the opposite. Whenever somebody makes me uncomfortable, I just get very comfortable. - Right. - And whenever someone's losing their mind, I get very assured of myself to the point where I almost start poking them to make them lose their mind. - I've seen it happen. - It's a great, great technique. - Good technique. - It's not even a skill. It's a technique that not a lot of people realize. They just get bothered. - It's very Zen. - It's just yinning there, yeah? - I think it's just a great way to fuck people up here. - Not great for business. - No. - Not great for business. - Oh. - Not great for authority. - Yeah. - But it makes for some many stories. - Better rest in several times. - Yeah. - So. - What did you just say? - A lot of that. - Yeah. - Exactly. - Running. - A lot of running. - Yeah. - By the way, people think this shame and cowardice in running away from a situation. - There's nothing funnier. - That's why it's built into your animal brain. - Exactly. - You're going to do something to you. You're getting trouble. Just run. They're just going to catch you, ask why you're in, and you run again. We grew up that way. - Oh, yeah. - We're just running from everything. - Oh, yeah. - Until the police started getting bolos. - Yeah. - For those things. - Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo. - That's a posh kind of. - Around your legs. - So he loses mine. I was like, I'm sorry to feel that way, Jim. I didn't mean anything. I actually apologize to him rather than I was like, I'm sorry. You know, I don't know what I'm doing. You know, I just talked to my manager. He said to call you. He's like, well, who the fuck is this guy? So he built himself way the hell up. And then at the end, he's like, I never want to do anything with you. You guys are fucked. And you start saying all that shit. - I'll put the word out. - Yeah. And I was like, all right. Oh, well, I tell Chris. I'm like, what the fuck did I just do based on the map? We have to do a show. - Yeah. - So during the show, we do two shows at the brattle. And in between the shows, I call him up. And I apologize again. And he's like, well, who the fuck do you think? And he starts losing his money again. - Yeah. - After he didn't want anything to do with me, meanwhile, I'm calling him. He's like, lose my number. - I'm never going to even say lose my number. - Oh my God. And he said it many times. And then he slowly calmed down. And he's like, well, I'll tell you what, it's just a cliche. - Yeah. - He's like, you come to Los Angeles. You give me a call. We'll sit down. We'll have some coffee. We'll work this thing out. We'll walk it over to Comedy Central. Like several Hollywood cliches with these terms and stuff. I was like, oh, okay, great, great. And then I never called him again. Haven't even thought about the song. - Why don't you call him Terry? - We should call him a podcast. - We should do a whole podcast. - Hey, you remember that phone call, Jim? - And ask, yeah, I talked to him again. He had no idea who we were. - Perfect. - It was great. - Well, the great thing is, he doesn't know you individually. And you can blame the other wall split. - That is true. - He told him, I say, hey, let's walk it over to Comedy Central. - Walk it over to Comedy Central. - And consequently, we didn't get the thing. They said our show was too much like Michael and Michael have issues. - Okay. - Which was behind the TV scenes TV show idea. And we didn't get the show. - Yeah. - And it wasn't because of Valerie. Maybe it was because of Valerie. - Oh, no. - Maybe he called over and just said never work with those kids. - But he's the guy that made Michael and Michael have issues. - He was behind. - He was behind. - Years ago, he called them up. - Yes, I managed to get this on the air just so you can't. - Yeah. - So one thing I was surprised you didn't pick instead of Golden Girls here is there's a movie on 1978. - Is it Commando? - It's Barracuda. - Oh! - Killer Fish terrorizing Florida. - Oh, yeah. - It's Barracuda. - No, I've seen it. - It's pretty great. - And that is a good one. I didn't see that. I didn't see that on the, uh, this thing. I just overlooked it. - Yeah. - You know, we never had the TV. - You didn't get the guy? You never got the guy? No, we just flipped around. - Did you get the TV week in the newspaper? - We did. - Did you have a toaster oven? - Yeah. - What's that? - Do you have a toaster oven? - That's it. (laughter) - Always true. People TV week have the toaster oven. - Oh, yeah. Mostly Irish people in Boston who make tea and toast. - Yeah. - That's all they do. Like, from like four o'clock. - I still do that. - Tea and toast? - Tea and toast. - Not a bad thing. - My grandmother smelled of toast, burnt toast, and solitaire. - Yeah. - And, uh, that's all she made. Tea and toast the whole time. And she looked at the, uh, the Boston Globe. - Yep. TV week in the Globe. - TV week. - So, yeah, for some reason I've noticed everyone that got to toast the oven instead of a sliced toaster. (laughter) I don't know why. - You can't fit a muffin in a sliced toaster. - That's true. And you can't make, uh, divorced parrot food, like, bagel pizzas. - Yeah. - Yeah. - You can't put ileos. - Yeah. - In a, in a... - I have a scar on my hand. - People tried. - People tried. - Yeah. - Yeah. - They have tried. - Yeah. - Yeah. - And it's a mess. - Cheese gets stuck to the stuff. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yurf bands. - Oh, Vertical Pizza. (laughter) - That should be the name of McCauley Cocoa's band, actually. - Vertical Pizza. - Vertical Pizza. - I think so, as well. - 'Cause all these things about his pizza, right? - Yeah. - Well, now he has a new band that's, uh, cat versions of some other band. - Oh, no. - It's like, yeah, 12 and underground pizza, and then it's, it's like cat versions of door songs or something. - Oh, man. - That's what happens to child stars. - Oh, wow. - So, 830, you're going with Amen? - Amen, for sure. - For sure. - So, again, you, you surprised me again. So, amen, decent show, but you didn't go with Tales from the Dark Side. - Oh, I missed you. See, you guys struck me as huge Tales from the Dark Side. - Oh, yeah. I was crazy about that stuff. - At least. - Any of those shows, anything like that, I was definitely. - Horror and thoughts. - Oh, yeah, yeah. It was hard to not watch that, but I liked it later at night. - Yeah. - I liked it when I wasn't supposed to be watching it. I was supposed to be in sleep. Everyone else is asleep. - Yeah. - And I'm sitting there just going like, "What the fuck?" Like, I loved that. - Did you have a feeling as a kid? Did you ever get really scared about one of those episodes? And then sometimes they would re-run it on a different channel, like, on Sunday afternoon. - Yeah. - And you're like, "Telling day early." - Yeah, yeah. - You got so scary, and it's like four in the afternoon and you're watching it, and you're like, "I don't know." - No, it's scary. - Yeah. - I don't know. But I get really... People are always thinking like, "Oh, you know, you like scary stuff, but do you get scared?" And I'm like, "Yeah, get scared to death." Like, even today. - It's like a roller coaster. - I'm sleeping in my sister's basement for the past two nights, and I'm like, "I'm seriously think it's haunted. But I'm like, scared to death." - You don't know that. - I'm hiding next door. - Well, she's got these... - With a creepy shovel. - She's got these... - Yeah. - She's got these lights that turn off on their own when they get too hot. It's definitely like... She's setting it up so that it's like... - Oh, they set something on? - It's like she wants her kids to sleep in her bed, you know? - They chemically cast rid of those lights. - Yeah. - They turn off on their own when they get too hot. - Perverted lights. - But, you know, it's like she wants her kids in her bed like till they're 16, you know? And they're all... They're naturally like, "I don't know if they would ever watch a horror movie." - They're really terrified. - They would just... - Coddle. - There's coddling. There's a whole thing going on with parents now where they don't want their kids to get germs. - Yeah. - They don't want them to experience a lot of things and everyone's a stranger to be afraid of. - Right. - It makes you stronger. - It totally makes you stronger, but it's the exact opposite today. You're more likely to be touched or fondled or taken by somebody you know... - Yeah. - ...than an absolute stranger. - Oh, yeah. - ...statistic. And people don't understand that. - That doesn't make news stories. - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, and that's what really did for everyone. - Yeah. - Someone will kill your children. - Right. - We'll tell you who. - Yeah, it's gonna be a hockey coach. - Yeah. - That's who it's gonna be after then. - It's your weird cousin that's slipping on your couch. - It's your uncle. - Yeah. - Your uncle's girlfriend. - It's not a guy in a van who's randomly like, "Hey kid." - I got some fun trying. - It's not gonna happen. - Yeah. - It's not gonna happen. - It never happened. Maybe it happened in the 70s when it was a lot of hitchhiking. - You're killing it off at a different time. - I liked it. - But I loved having the shit scared out of me. - And you still do. - You still do. - This is the scariest thing you ever saw on TV. - That's tough. - It sounds a lot. - Sounds like a kid at the window. - Oh, the whole thing is just even, I watched it a few years ago. - Oh, Barlow is one of the scariest, Barlow's terrifying. - Pawn's from Pawn, one of the best. - Yeah. - I think the best thing, scariest thing that's been on TV. - And it was made for TV. - It was made for TV. - Yeah. - It was made for TV. - Yeah. - You can say that, it was made by Toby Hooper, the real king. - Oh, man. - Even the end is creepy. - But everything about it, like all the beats, all the beats, like before the commercial breaks, there was some creepy or something funny. - The formula was perfect. - Oh, it was unbelievable. - The ending was open ended because they wanted to make it into a series. - Oh, really? - A whole series. - Can you imagine the series, is that creepy? - I think it would be great now. - But today, yeah. - It's almost, things are too clear, I think, on TV sometimes. - Like special effects-wise? - No, no, like HDTV is almost too clear. - Okay. - It was too much definition. Whereas it was just fuzzy. - Yeah. - Fuzzy was creepy. - It was really murky. - Yeah. - I think there was something to be said for having your antenna and having to dial in something. - Yeah. - And it was like you earned it and it was coming from a weird place. - Right, right. - If you're hyped in through a cable, it doesn't seem as otherworldly. - Yeah. - Like it's sort of coming in. - It seems a little more artificial today. - Yeah. - Yeah. - It seems safer. Like you feel like you could cut the cord and it would go away. - Oh, a lot of things. - It's coming in the antenna. You're like, it's a near! - Yeah, a lot of the like horror movies that I like now look like they were made in like the 70s or the 80s. - Yeah. - You know, like the conjuring was unbelievable. - Yeah. - I thought the way that the artistry that guy used to make like that- - That aesthetic was- - Everything. - Yeah, the tone of it was- he nailed it. - Well, because it's people who grew up in the same era we did that have the same aesthetic and like that stuff. Yeah, just like with the movies, we used that like growing up that were guys that grew up as monster kids who watched the Universal Stuff in the 60s and that was there. You know, that's where you had that aesthetic. So let's move on to Sunday night, the Lord's Night. And at seven o'clock, what'd you go with? - We went with, I remember regs to riches came on that year for some reason. I was puberty, all those girls. - Yeah, I mean- - It was like a ton of girls, wasn't it? - There was. And Tisha Campbell, who later went on to be on Martin was on it. - Yeah. - Gina on Martin. - Exactly. This show was set in the 60s and it was about Joseph Bologna. - Oh, yeah, another guy I loved as a kid. - Tough guy, Joseph Bologna, who adopted an entire orphanage's worth of teenage girls, which you couldn't do now. I think he probably couldn't do in the 60s. - You can't do that with dogs now. - No, no. Just give me all of them. - Yeah. - I've been looking for- - They're not gonna die. Just give me all the dogs. - Yeah. And it's set in the 60s for some word reason, but it was a full-on musical show. - Yes. - And full-on singing, dancing, musical numbers, mostly 60 songs. - It filled the hole by the absence of cop rock. - Absolutely. Absolutely. See, the weird thing is, I feel like shows like Rags to Riches and Cop Rock and Hull High were so far ahead of what people wanted, that it was 20 years later when that stuff became number one. - Yeah. - And it was like the people who made those shows must just be so pissed off. - Oh my god. Yeah. - Like I thought of this year as a- - Yeah. - Now you like high school musical? - Yeah. - Now glee? Is it now? So Rags to Riches, I watched every week. My dad did not like the fact that I watched it. - Maybe if they sang more current songs than Rags to Riches. - It might have worked. It was- Well, the reason it got greenlit was because of Annie. - Yeah. - And everyone loved Annie. - Oh, yeah. - It did like Annie. Yeah, it increased as well. - Yeah. - And I remember watching Rags to Riches and it got interrupted this year for the baby just like Jessica incident. - Oh. - She fell in the well. - Oh, yes. - I was so mad. I was so mad. I was like kicking things. And it was like right at the end of the Shetters of the climax. And they never re-aired Rags to Riches. - Yeah. - So for 20 years, I was carrying around this like, like if I met baby Jessica, I feel like I'd have been like, "Thanks for Rags to Riches." - She wasn't actually in the well, right? - She wasn't in the well. - She wasn't in the well. - Oh, okay. - Did they lower down a TV so that she could watch Rags. - She could watch Rags. - Yeah. They told her all about Rags. And I remember they had a, that was the first news event, I remember it was like 24 hours. And I remember they, the way they got her out was they found a guy without a collarbone. - He had to like squeeze in. - Squeeze in. - What's that guy that we met in LA, the guy who plays the silver surfer and all that stuff. You were hanging out with him. - Oh, yeah. He was hanging out with him. - Yeah. - I can't remember. - Yeah. - He played on the fish. - He's amb sapien. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - It's the same guy. - You might have been Harry from Harry and the Henderson. - He could have been. No, that was John... - Cocktostin. - John Cocktostin. No, his name is something Hall, Kevin Peter Hall. - Yeah. - And he was also the predator. - Oh, yeah. - He died of AIDS. - Yeah. - But he was the big black guy. - That's what both costumes gave him. - That's what the costumes gave him. - I hate it. - Well, John Claude Van Diem was the predator before him. - The people who were hidden in those shows died of AIDS. - Died of AIDS. It all comes full circle. But yeah, they had a guy come down there without a collarbone and they had a diagram of how he was gonna get her out and all this stuff. - Jesus. - Awful. That guy is definitely from Florida. - And that guy never gets the credit for what he did. - Yeah. - Never gets the credit. - You know, it's funny. I don't... - No collarbone Pete. - Yeah. - Safe boy. - Yeah. - Our dad built our house. And in our house, they found a lot in Charleston, which this day is like, it's like finding unicorn, but he built a laundry chute and it was straight down from the... - Oh, yeah. - Any purpose for... - Oh, can you imagine? Moving into a house in like 10 and having a laundry chute, but it went down two floors straight and then he stuck all the sides. So if you want it, but I don't think he thought of that, he just think like, why am I gonna make it smooth? - Yeah. - I don't think he thought we were gonna jump down there. - Did you jump down there and find out it was stuck out of the hard way? - You just knew. Like you could put your head in there and your head would go... - 'Cause I always wanted that because of the movie "Fantasm." - Oh my God. - Yeah, "Fantasm." - I love "Fantasm." - Anything with the slide. - Yeah. - Anything with the slide. There should be a slide off the Bunk Hill bar. - Yeah. I love slides. Big slides. But then people make the mistake of making them all water slides. They don't all have to be water slides through a nice circular slide. - The alpine slides. - You know who loves slides? It was the Soyars from Texas Chainsaw Massacre. - It did. - Especially in part two. - You know what ruin slides for me and I don't know where I came up with this. - Diarrheic. - Diarrheic. - Ruin slides was sled shows. - There should be like burlesque shows but slide shows where it's just chicks sliding down slides. - Oh my God. - And call it a slide show. - That's making happen L.A. - Slide magazine. - Slide magazine. - That sounds really dirty. - And you'll see all the heavy sets carrying on slides. - Yeah. - Girls with camels. - They'll be on those. - Those slides you have to ride a potato slide. - Oh, the best super slide. - We came across a carnival in Revere one night that everyone had gone and it rained. It was an... They just left it. - Was it no security? - Was it Mr. Dark's carnival? - It was a Kelly's Rose beef carnival. - They had one of those slides that have the bumps. - Yeah. - Started in like 40 feet pouring rain. We all managed to climb to the top. They shot off the stairs but you could just shimmy up the slide. We get to the top. You don't need one of the rugs. We all go down and they didn't put a thing at the end. - Stop her. - She's still going? - We just kept going on to asphalt and we hung up with these like raspberries because it's a summer. - The two of your friends are still going. - They're still going. - They're in the Revere beach right now. - They slid right through the lobster. - Once again, they made it a water slide. Nature made it a water slide. - Doesn't need to be a water slide. - When I used to go hang out at parks when I was a kid, I loved the slide. - So did old men. - Old men loved the slide. They would ride their left because of the weight. You'd go faster. - And it was just a tall aluminum slide. - Yeah, that's it. That's it. And I actually a few times some of them tipped over because they weren't like properly cemented in the ground. One day I was climbing up the slide, it must have been eight or nine. And I don't know where this thought came from, but I went, "I bet that teenagers come here at nine and piss on the slide." And then I wouldn't go down it because I'm like, "It's covered." I had no data to support this. But as far as I know. - That happens. I have, as you know, I have a daughter brought her to a park in Los Angeles, pissed all over the slide and let the daughter go right through it, didn't even realize until she got to the bottom, just cleaned it all up right with her. - Crocodile. - She had a diaper on. - She had a diaper on. - She had all the pants and stuff, but I'm an idiot and I didn't want to. - She peed all over the slide? - No, no, no. Kids are just a night of homeless people or whoever. - But I guess if you're going to be in public, it's probably fine to go down a slide. Once again, why did the slide get ruined? It became a water slide. That's what ruined the slide. - It was at the Golden Shower Water Park. - Yes. - So that's an hour-long show. So you're watching the whole hour? - Rags to riches? - Yes. - Probably won't. - And then how would the duck was on it though? - Oh, yeah. - So you're doing a flip? - It's all in the show. - It was a sure thing that we would want to see a talk and duck. - How would the duck is a good movie? I don't think anyone says, I love that movie. - I thought it was the only part I liked about Guardians of the Galaxy. - There were two giant, giant misses in Hollywood and that was Howard the Duck and Ishtar and we loved them both. - Oh, yeah. - Ishtar, I sort of enjoyed about Howard the Duck, man. I own the soundtrack. - Yeah. - That's great. It's Leah Thompson's finest role. - The thing I like about Ishtar, it's not ironic. - No. - It's throwing full heart into that. - Yeah. - Warren Beatty is trying to kill it. - Yeah, yeah. - Doesn't know if it is really, and we love genuineness and when people are genuin, there's just something that kind of comes through. - Yeah, it seemed like they had a good time making that movie. - Exactly. And some of their duets together just crack me up. - That's a movie that I'm surprised hasn't had like a cult nerd named resurgence because I feel like the tone of the type of comedy people like now is perfect with that movie. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Like, I feel like I just listened to that. - It's not even referenced as like by the newer comics. - People don't know. It's like the bomb that it was. - Yeah. - Yeah, that was a late night monologue punchline for decades. - Oh, for a long time. - Because a lot of people built their career on that. - Oh, we don't have to tell what happens. - People like to say Ishtar. - It's a fun word. - Yeah. - So, you're flipping around, but then at eight o'clock, what are you going with? - Well, I will say this, nine to five was on, maximum overdrive was on, which is a great book. - Yep. - Which I could not. - Stephen King's directorial debut. - Oh my God. - Stephen King's directorial debut. - Oh my God. And the only cinema appearance of Marla Maples. - Really? - She's in the opening scene when the bridge goes up. - Oh, wow. - Casey DC's on that bridge. - Yep. - Oh, ACDC Sarah on the bridge. - Who made you? - They're on the bridge, though, and they're ACDC's truck. I feel like his whole budget went into that soundtrack. - Yeah. - I remember this. We watched the Goodwill Games opening ceremonies. I believe that was on TNT and, or TBS, turn or own them, because we watched the Goodwill Games that year, and the funniest thing I've still ever seen on television was they did a race walk, which is just healed. - A black guy and a white guy? - No, no, no. - All right. Just to get out there, blacky and whitey. - Who's better? - Yeah. - All right. - It wasn't the ages. - It wasn't a land walk. - No, just walk. - No, just walk. It's a race walk. - It's a Canadian. - Go to win. - So, so it's like speed walking? - It was speed walking, which weirdly we did a camp. So like my brother, Michael, older brother, he was like weirdly good at it, because he would like affect this whole fake stance. - He still does that as a cop. - Oh, he still does. - In the episode of "Cops," that's how he tackled that kid on the bike. He speed walked right beside him. - Speak about that for a second though. So you saw him on "Cops." - Yes, yeah. - The funniest thing for me was he had a leaf in his hair the whole time. - Yes, he did. And he really, he fucks that kid up. Like, there's a kid, there's a black kid on a bike who's like 13, and he, he had robbed something. Like he clearly was suspicious. - Yeah. - Oh, yeah. - Oh, yeah. - I'm going to gun. - So your brother's driving. I think he's driving, and he's talking to the camera like cops wise, you know, and his name pops up. And then he, I see, he looks at this kid, and then he just pulls the car and park and just dives in. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Comes in this kid. It's great. - And then it's a whole meeting. - Yeah. - About the whole thing. - Yeah. - Yeah. - It's fantastic. - My brother, Michael tackled the guy through a fence once like. - Like a wooden fence? - Like, like it was a beastie boy. - Oh, that's fantastic. Yeah, he smashed, like grabbed a guy and smashed him, knocked the whole fence down and landed on top of the guy. - Did he get like a, like a hunter? - Yes. - I could see. - No, like Sledgehammer. - Sledgehammer. - Sledgehammer. - Yeah, yeah. - They would have tackled himself with Sledgehammer. - Yeah. - Trust me. - So the good one gave us this guy, they had a speed walking race. It was a full marathon that just took place on the track. - 26.2 miles. - 26.2 miles. - In a circle. - In a circle. - Oh. - In a circle. - In these people who are falling over. - In these people who are walking fast. - Walking fast. And it's not just a fast walk, it's also a funny fast walk. - Yeah, 'cause you get the hips. - It's a wiggle. - Exactly. It's like that in the ministry of silly walks. - It looks like a pissed off person who has to take a shit. - Yes. - Exactly. - Get there. Don't want to walk back. - A story? - When I come over to talk to you, you better be Mr. - How'd you get over here so fast? - You were walking. - Yeah, right. - I ran. You walked. - And they did it 26 miles and it made them dizzy. - Did they have to switch directions? - No, no, no. - They were the same way. - The same way. And by the end, they were all wiggling and falling over. - Oh my God. - I swear to God, I think they gave me some of the problems. - It was still to this day, the funniest thing I've ever seen. - What happened to the Goodwill Games? Do they still have it? - He married not enough sponsors. Ted Turner married Jay Fonda and they put all their money in military tanks. - 'Cause the Goodwill Games was like the Pepsi Olympics. - Yes. - It's like, we love Pepsi at the time. - People who loved it were like, but it's way better. - You don't understand it. - We should've said we were of the Pepsi generation. - Pepsi generation. - Totally. - We are. My favorite games are the Mac and B games. The Jewish games. - Yeah. - Everybody loves those. - They're like the Highland games. - I'd like them to throw a kugel. - They spin a dreidel. - See how fast you can do a brisk instead of cutting through the logs. - 22 seconds. - Yes. So you would've watched that. I would not have watched the Goodwill Games. I would've been watching the Made for TV debut, didn't get me further than this sadly, but it was a pilot for Bates Motel. - Oh boy. - Yeah. - Which now is a TV show. But this was-- - That's crazy. It tried how many years ago. - It was 25 years or something. And this was starring Bud Court as a teenage version of Norman Bates. - Oh my god. - Can't get better than Bud Court. Olivia Hussey played his mother. The final Olivia Hussey and Laurie-- - What a Hussey. - What are you, Hussey? - I love that. - And Laurie Petty's in it. - Wow. - Yeah. - Young. - This must have been before Point Break. - This was before Point Break. That's what? '89? - That's '90, I think. Yeah. And also, Catherine Haje from Head of the Class. - Oh yeah. - Yeah. - Who we watched on Tuesday night. - But it's really good. This one is Norman Bates may be gone, but his motel lives on. - Oh man. - Boy. - Yeah. - Fine show. I enjoy it. - Classic idea. - Classic idea. - So Monday, eight o'clock, seven o'clock rather. What are you going on? - Um. - Elf. - Did you guys like Elf? - I loved Elf. - I loved Elf. - Willie. - I mean, it was awful. It was awful. - It is really bad. - But Monday was a traditionally awful TV night. - See, I disagree. - Okay. - Because Monday night, CBS was my night. - CBS. I mean, you were a sophisticated kid. - It's the old people that weren't. - You were a sophisticated boy. That shit was just too adult for me. - Yeah. - Kate Nally watched a little bit. - I loved it. - My sister Sam, we watched, or I did. And then later on, we had a Cagley watch, Kegney and Leslie. - We watched a lot of Valerie. - But Valerie was NBC. - That's NBC that was on after Elf. But Kate Nally is, it's such a good show. It holds up so well, and I remember having arguments with my dad because he wanted to watch Elf. I wanted to watch Kate Nally. - Oh, Larry. - And he goes, "I don't want to watch that lesbian show." - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Essentially, two lesbians living together. - Yeah, pretty much. - Yeah. - But this is a great one. Andrea Martin is a guest star in this. This is when they tried to do a backdoor pilot for Andrea Martin. - Right, right. - With Kate Nally's show. - Called Andrea. - Called Andrea. And the plot was that she ran a cable access TV station. - Oh, wow. - Everyone had quits, so she had to do all the shows. - UHF. - UHF. - Oh, UHF. - Basically UHF for two years earlier, and so she would do all these characters, but it was also a sitcom. It was a pretty cool show, and I really wish-- - She had talented lady, I love her. - I wish she was a more special. - She was a little Tracy Almond style. - Absolutely, absolutely. She's such a, from Maine. Andrea Martin. - Oh, really? - Yeah, from Maine originally. And Paul Frisco created Elf from Cambridge, Massachusetts. - Really? - Elf, what a weird show. I had the doll. - Yeah, we had-- - That was part of the reason why I had to hang out on the show. - Did you have the talking elf, though? - No, no, no, no. - This episode is, when he's complaining about the family's camping vacation gets to be too much, so it's seasonal. - Yeah. - Elf is told that if he doesn't like it, he can leave. Which he does. - Does he go to Melmak or just back to the house? - Just goes back to the house. - My favorite part of Elf was that the other planets had regular names. - Yeah. - Like his had Melmak, but then there was a planet Jim, and the planet Ed or something like that. He would take the bus into school, and we would tell occasionally get crazy people. - Yeah, it's a bus. - And we would talk to them, and just a lot of the stuff I made up was improv from shows. - From Elf. - From stuff like Elf and stuff that made you think of different ways. - Stay with him. - Yeah, like patterned into your brains. - Exactly. - So I remember telling a guy that I was from Melmak, he's like, "Melmak, this lunatic." - Was it Joel Mack? Was it George Carlin? - I love Melmak. - I was thinking about it. - It was Kreslin. - Melmak. - Yeah. - You're fucked. - You can't say that on the bus. - That's one of Melmak. And then we say, "Where are you from?" And we're like, "Plane of Jim." And he's like, "Yeah, I'm from Planet June." - Sounds good. - Oh my God. And I also told people on that same bus that John Lovitz was his liar character, I saw him on the bus. - So you saw how meta is that? - I lied. - Yeah. - And of course, Alf's real name. - Gordon Schumler. - Gordon Schumler. - Yeah, that's right. - Why do we still know these names? - There's no name for us to know that. - My dad used to use Gordon Schumway as an alias. - Oh, that's right. - Like if we were at a restaurant and that was his name, he's like, "Gordon Schumway." And he'd be like, "Oh, this is going to be great. It's going to be great." - Oh my God. That's awesome. - Yeah. - The only one that always pops into my head is Louis C.K.'s Country McShipballs. - Yeah. - And that is the wrong thing to say to like an 18-year-old hostess. - It is, and it's not believable. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Do you guys have aliases that you always use? - Not always. - Always random names. - It's all just random. - You have an agency. - I always go by Jim Korgen, it's the alter ego of The Spectre. - It sounds like a legit actor. - Yeah, see, that sounds like a real-- - Kevin Korgen. - He's on some slate for 2018. - Yes. - Somewhere out there. They're like, "We're going to remake The Spectre." - They are actually that huge lineup. It's like a huge calendar of like all the superhero movies that are coming out. - The Spectre was really-- - Is it really? - This season of Constantine, they introduced Jim Korgen with the intention of introducing the Spectre later in the season if that show doesn't get canceled. - Oh, wow. - It was very excited. I was like, "I could be Korgen." So you're watching Valerie at 7.30? - Yeah. - One of my favorite shows, "I Love Her So Much," once became the Hogan family, I turned my back on it. - Oh, really? - Yeah, absolutely. - Yeah, yeah. - It was a different show. - We were committed to Jason Bateman. - I love Jason Bateman. - Yeah, I love him too. - We like Sammy Duncan too. - What? - Yeah. - What did you like about Sammy Duncan? - We didn't know at that age. We were, you know, 10, 11. - But I was filled with hate at that age. Like, I would get really indignant about stuff. You guys didn't. - I loved anything that seemed normal. - I think they just liked to watch TV. - Yeah. - You know? - I mean, that's probably why we liked TV like that. - The stability of it. - And we'd always be in yelled at and never was always like chaotic and like this. - So you were drawn to family sitcoms that were like, "Oh my totally, yeah." And I was totally drawn to people who were open and honest with each other and would sit down and say, "I'm ever trying to call family meetings." - Oh, that's okay. - Cosby style? - Cosby style? - Cosby style. You know, like Hogan family, we'd tie or, and my dad throwing a pork chop at me or like trying to light me with a cigarette. - Yeah. - He was Hal Williams in it. He was trying to hit his dinner and essentially he worked on David. - I liked the unstable home life. I loved it. I loved getting yelled at. - I mean, it makes for great stories. - Yeah. We would take meetings and that wasn't fun. - Great. - Well, I always say that you-- - And we lived in fear for a long time. - Yeah. - And bitten by the radioactive spider to get the superpowers. - I just wanted to have the shit scared out of me all the time. - 'Cause you can control that. You can shut it off if you need to. You can walk out. - Oh, my God. - So you're watching it for the family stability. - Oh, yeah. I mean, I have enough like comedy in there, I guess. I don't know. - And then at eight o'clock we go. - There was nothing else on so baseball, you know. - You didn't like Newhart again too old? - Too old. - It was just a little-- - It was so funny. - I liked Larry Darryl and Darryl. - Yeah. - But they were, yeah, they weren't on enough. - Well, that guy was really dumb and he was fun. - Yeah. - I mean, like that sort of red-necky. - He said-- - It wasn't enough of that. - If there was a TV channel with Steve Sweeney, he was on the whole time. - Yeah, you would have watched that. - That would have been actually-- - You were the biggest fans of Steve Sweeney. 'Cause he's Charles Townes. - No, we didn't know at that time. I'm just saying. - But later on in retrospect-- - That's what you wanted. - Comedy. - Yeah, okay. - We would understand wit or cleverness at that time. - Yeah. - There was no highbrow, like, you know, we liked-- - A certainty we enjoyed, but you know-- - It sounds like you watched a lot of movies on HBO and stuff, like I know you guys are big fans of like the HBO absurd comedies that went all the time, like Revenge of the Nerds and just one of the guys. - Yeah, yeah. - And Hot Dog. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Hamburg of the motion. - Sounds good. - Nothing better. - Yeah. - But as far as sophisticated, speaking to adults, more like what we do now. - Right. - Yeah, I just-- - Have you revisited-- - I'm just too slow. And I will say this, and I don't know if anyone else has brought up on the podcast. Nobody's brought up on the ones I've listened to with you. But some of the theme songs would turn you off before-- - 'Cause they were too-- - They were too down, like today I can appreciate the sentiment behind it and, you know, a singer/songwriter who-- - Crafted a great-- - But at that time, I could not watch "Mesh." I'll give you a list of shows-- - Taxi. - Taxi-- well, we watched "Taxi" if we could-- - Yeah. - You had to fight me like that though, but I liked the "Taxi" thing in the song. That was something I was like-- - It's so morose. - Oh, it's like a jazz. - It's like a jazz. - It's just a jazz number. - Yeah. - There's a couple-- - I like those things. - They're probably written by the same guy. But all the upbeat ones are like, "Yeah, I was the perfect guy that they wanted to sell." - You want Webster? - You want Webster? - You want Webster? - No way! - That's what you are. - All right. - Different strokes to rule the world. - Yeah. - So you like Alan Thick's original creations? - Oh my God, at the time. - Different strokes back to life? - No, I can't stand it. - You know, it's like too saccharinin. - Right. - 'Cause Newhart has a great theme song written by Henry Mancini. - Oh my God. - Oh, that's unbelievable. - You are. - And you just hear a couple notes, and if they're probably done in a minor key, I didn't know this at the time, but I was just, my train would go boop, boop, boop. - 'Cause you like, it's like the news, it's going to be boring. It's too exact. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it wasn't until I started doing comedy, like early 20s when I started to really understand the button. - Really? - The button down, mind of Bob Newhart. - Yes. - Anything. You know, college didn't even help you with that. - The mixture of sad and funny and-- - Yeah, and how it's relevant and how a life, I had no life experience at that point. - Right. - I had a lot of people writing about life experience. - Right, right. - And real adult situations that people go through. - Have you wanted pure escapism? - Oh, it sounds totally totally. - Totally, totally. - As an 11, 12 year old for sure, and I wanted tits, and I wanted-- - We wanted European vacation at nine o'clock. - Right, I wanted to be rusty. - Yeah. - We're in some outfit from a Milan tailor shop. - How many times have you seen European people? - Oh my God, and it's innumerable. - It's on here, it's on here. - Oh, there wasn't a week when that wasn't on Cinemax. - Oh. - We didn't have any of that stuff. - Great. - Yeah. - Would you rent the movies? Is that a user? - We rented-- - We rented-- - We rented-- - Oh, we rented-- - We rented copies? - We rented copies. - We rented copies. - We rented copies? - We rented copies. - We rented copies. - We rented copies later. - Christo Leiter. - But yeah, I had a friend who had a VCR. - We can afford two VCRs. - I could copy, and then-- and so I-- the only movie that I had a copy of was Big Trouble, Little China. - Yeah. - And they cut just the beginning off, so it was like-- but it was like one of those movies and so there were certain movies we had in our house, but mostly we would rent or just catch it on TV. - The whole rental experience was fabulous. - Oh, yeah. - I made-- I made the newspaper. - The first one in Charleston was called Cagney's. - Okay. - Right? - Cagney's video, yeah. - Was that done by the Johnny Street Master in that plaza? - No. - No. - That's where the big one moved into. - Okay. - A major video. - Yes, major video. - Eventually moved there. - Yeah. - But no, Cagney's was just across the street. - It was just across the street. - The main street. - And next to his name. - Yeah. - But we were-- I was loyal to Cagney's for a long time. - Every day. - Yeah. - I would run down there after school, like it was the candy shop. - To get the new releases? - Yeah. And Willie Wonker on the Chocolate Factory. And so I would go in and I made the newspaper. I was on the front of the newspaper holding up my favorite movie, which is the time apparently. - Oh, yeah. It was the story. - He was the favorite son of the video store. - Well, they just interviewed like a-- like they-- - Local business. - Yeah, no, they-- well, no, they did a newspaper every week, or, you know, like Cagney's newspaper. - Oh, the Cagney's had a-- - They had a newspaper. - A child's town newspaper. - No, no, no. All the guys who-- - This kid rented a movie. - First one ever. - I don't know what they wrote about, but the employees published the newspaper. - Oh, yeah. And that was the thing people forget, like, these businesses would have-- it was like a community. It was like a message board. - Yeah, yeah. - And they'd have a-- have a local newsletter, like they'd have staff pics and all that kind of stuff. - And the good thing about that was, like, child's house was so homogenous that everybody was the same. When you went into the video store, the guys were a little bit different. - Yeah. Like comic book guys, you know? - Yeah. - And you didn't find that, Charles. - But they had it, you know, they-- and they didn't-- it wasn't like Blockbuster became where you couldn't find certain titles or you like-- you know what I mean? It was like-- - They would get everything. - But they would also make-- like-- but Blockbuster would make movies that were similar to other movies, say, like, Titanic. But their movie would be called The Titanic, and they would be tricking suburban dads and renting a movie. - Yeah, they would buy these stuff. - That isn't the movie they want to see. - Hollywood video. - And they'd have 80 of that movie, and then they wouldn't have, say, like, bad taste. - Yeah, well, they wouldn't have anything more than five years old, because they'd sell out of stock. - And they'd get rid of it, but you could go into a Kang's in the beginning and you could just get all these great movies. - Well, I think the people that were drawn to opening up a video rental business in the 80s when it started following the two categories, you had true movie fans who were like, "I love movies. I want to work in a movie store and rent people out." And then you had straight up carney flea market dudes. - Yeah. - And all over both of those people would get every movie, because they were like, "Oh, this is crazy." - And you could see, like, and they just had one copy of everyone, and then no matter what your age, like, no matter how young you are, at a certain point when they got to know you and they got to know your parents were letting you rent certain movies, they would be like, "Hey, check out Jekyll's Corvette Summer," or something like that, you know, or something that's got tits in it, and you're like, "Hey, hey, don't tell your parents, you know?" - Yeah. - And by the way, let's do a line of cocaine. - Because there was a bunch of stores around Charlestown, more in Somerville, like Palmer video on Broadway, which was huge, and then it was the one in their Union Square in Cambridge. - We used to go there too. - It just closed a couple years ago, because the guy died down there, but it was the biggest video I've ever been in. - It was something videos. - And it was huge. - Not Hollywood Village. - It was like video vault there, something like that, but that, and they had a cat living in there. - Yeah, that place was the best. - Yeah. It was amazing. - Oh, you're talking about the one on Cambridge Street. - Yeah, on the way to Emmon. - Yeah. - You bought up a whole supply of this. I'm going to talk to me about that, because we didn't go there as kids. We went there more. - As adults. - When they all started to close, we got asked, that was the place that was amazing. - As adults. - So we'd have to drive over there. - It was like a museum. - Oh, my God. It was unbelievable. They had, who's the guy who makes the erotic, Andrew Blake, porn movies in the place? - Yeah, yeah. - That was the funny. - They had a whole laser disc wall. You could still rent in 2010. The only reason they closed was because the guy died. They would have still been over it. - They should have buried up with all his discs. - I tried to buy them, and I bought a bunch, and then his son was kind of selling stuff, and then he just packed them up, and they disappeared. - Oh, my God. That place was enormous. - It was amazing. It was literally like a football field. - It was the size of like a Chuck E. Cheese. - Yeah. It was almost like a target. - Instead of a ball crawl, they had a tape crawl. - They did. No sides, though. No sides. I know I've handled your show with tape. - You jump in all broken video sets. - I do it. - I'd go for it. - Yeah. It was like saw five. - Crawl your way out of these tapes. Oh, my wallet got demonetized. It's the worst thing that happened. - All of these tapes are chopping mall. - Chopping mall's a great movie. - I had to make it. - I had to make a chopping mall reference. - If you bend to that, you know-- - We live right there. - Yeah. - Yeah. - We live right down the street. I have footage. On the way to the hospital, Cedar Sinai is right behind that mall. So when we're having the baby-- - Is that the mall? - The Sherman Oak Scalleria. - No, no, no, no. - No interiors, but the exterior is-- - Oh, okay. That's why I get confused. The Beverly Center. - The Beverly Center. - But it's not. They didn't shoot in there. - And no, Sherman Oaks is kind of an outdoor-- - No, closed, didn't it? - So the Sherman Oak Scalleria was the mall from fastest run high and shopping mall. It got damaged in the '94 earthquake. They tore it down and then rebuilt it as that outdoor mall. - Okay. - But the exterior shot is the Beverly Center. - Right, okay. - Yeah, the Beverly Center. - Yeah, yeah. - The Beverly Center. - Yeah. - On the way there, I just talk about chopping mall on the way to videotaping as I drive and my wife, and I'm just turning to her, she's so nervous, because it was scheduled. - Yeah. - You were driving and filming. - Yeah, you forgot to say. - With a pregnant mall. - He was driving to the hospital. - Yeah. - To have his shots. - No, no, no. - Maybe let me tell you about chopping mall. - Yeah. - And they're killing us. - And I'm just telling you what this movie's in here, we should watch it. - Yeah. - We should really watch it. - Yeah. - Our lives are going to change after today. - Our lives are going to split into before and after chopping. - Right. - After talking about something. - Everybody's lives do. - We're naming our daughter ACM, our chopping mall. - Oh, yeah. - Loving. - It's Tuesday night eight o'clock, or seven rather, would you go with? - Oh, who's the boss? - A show I hated? - Yeah. - Watched every week. - Oh, my God. - Well, I wonder why. - The hottest girl who's ever been on television, in my ass. - We each had Alissamolano. - Oh, yeah. - At that time? - Oh, my God. - She's incredible. - Yeah. - I kid got in trouble in elementary school when I was a kid for drawing naked pictures of Alissamolano. - Oh, my God. I hope he was very detailed. - Well, the reason that the teacher knew it was Alissamolano was because he wrote Alissamolano on a hundred, like an arrow, like some seven-year-old stick figure new unit said Alissamolano. - That's so crazy. - That's the best. - That's the best. - By the way, cartoon boobs. - It's hilarious. Especially when they draw the lines for nipples. - Yeah. - Like whoever draws, whoever thought of nipples, press these like these bubbles, these like like a round of W, then they draw these lines for nipples. - Yeah. You think it very Playboy cartoon with this one. - Oh, really? Is that one? - National Lampoon. - I never really looked through that stuff. It was just, you know, kids in school and a bathroom walls and stuff. - I guess that's what you theorize it looks like if you haven't actually seen it. - I know, right. Yeah. - Yeah. - We got an honorable, honorable mention over here because of the Wizard. - Okay. - The Wizard? - For sure. - You know, we loved anything. - Willing. - Anything with digits. - This is the only... - Time band. - Time band. - Under the Rainbow. Time and it's one of the favorite films of all time. - I saw Under the Rainbow when it first came out. It was very young. - That movie's great. That's a movie that should have a resurgence. - Yeah. - Oh my God. - I was thinking that the other day, actually. - It's so funny. - It's very meta. - It's very meta. - Right. - I still get shit for liking Willow. - Willow's great. - Valkilmer is really great now. - Valkilmer is great in every movie up to maybe Heat. - Yeah, I would agree. I would agree. - He's so good. - He's so good. - I mean, this one would be a rancher or something. - Yeah, the Wizard at David Rappaport and who is in Time Bandits. - Oh my God. - And it's the only show I can think of that starred someone with a disability. Do you think of another show that the main actor was? - Oh, yeah. Yeah. Corky. Life goes on. - Oh, yeah. - Right. - Yeah. - Of course. Yeah. - I was actually talking about the mother. - That's true. - That's true. Yeah. And the Wizard was basically MacGyver except with a dwarf. - Yes. Yes. - Who built robots? - Who built robots? - He did build robots. Nobody wanted to watch it. - No. It was a huge bomb. And maybe... - I think it started on Sundays. - It did. - And it probably moved into Tuesdays. - They moved it three or four times. They promoted the hell out of that show and just nobody loved it. - I love that guy. That guy was so charismatic and charming and time-based. - Oh, yeah. - Yeah. - He was a leading man. - Yeah. - Wizard's a good show. It'll never come out on DVD. - Yeah. - No one wants to watch it, but it's a cool show. So you're watching that for the hour or you're watching who's the boss for a half hour? - Probably. Well, growing pains is on. - I love growing pains. - Oh my God. - 87. - Oh, yeah. - This is the season two and three of the best I've grown. - Boner. God bless the soul. - Yes. Absolutely. He was really funny on that show. Yeah. He unfortunately took his own life. - Yeah. - He wanted it into Canada or something. - Yep. This one is Tracy Gold tries to have a nose job. - You don't? - One. - Yeah. 'Cause it says about body image. Good type of teenage guys. - Yeah. - Eight o'clock we go with. - Well, there was no real sitcom of for some reason, so fast times. - That's underdrive. - Amazing movie. - Yeah. - That's one of the best episodes. - Have you gone to the locations of that? Out in Los Angeles? - I've gone to a couple of shit, but I want to drive to the little league where they... - Yeah. The dugout? - Yeah, the dugout. - Yep. - 'Cause there was another... I saw recently that something else was filmed there. - Yes. - Yeah, it is. - Yeah. - Yeah. I love Fast Times River Hides. Did you ever see the Fast Times television series? - No. - No. - It's amazing. It's better than the movie. - Really? - It is absolutely better than the movie. - Oh my god. - It was only seven episodes. - Okay. - It was demoted it? - Yes, but the only original cast members were Vincent Savelli. - Oh, really? - The teacher. So everyone else was recast, but Patrick Dempsey played Demone, and Courtney Thorne Smith was in it, and Dean Cameron, and it was a really, really good show, and it had no laugh track. It was a lot like freaks and geeks or something like that, and it had, but behind the scenes was all the same people. Oh, and Mr. Hand was in it, as well. - Oh my god. Right. - Great show. Yeah, Fast Times River Hides. What a perfect movie to watch in the sun. - Unbelievable. I learned everything that had to do with growing up in sex from Fast Times River Hides, which is completely inappropriate. - So you didn't watch "Moonlanding" was a repeat show I love, or the sequel to "The French Connection." - Yeah, "Puppy Doyle." - "Puppy Doyle." - "We have not got it." - "We have not got it." - "We have not got it." - "We have to deal in that movie. He is really funny." - He is great in everything. I love the movie "Dutch" with him. - "Dutch" is awesome. It's a Thanksgiving movie, which there are only a few. - Yeah. - So let's move on to Wednesday? - Wednesday. Definitely perfect. Well, I mean, new my camera is different than Sledgehammer, correct? - Correct. New my camera starts Stacey Keach. - Yeah. - As my camera. - It was a stash. - Oh my god. And it's growl. It was some interesting, I've got perfect strangers all the way up while people are talking to us. I mean... - Great theme song. - Cool song. - Yes, Larry. - As awful as the show was. Loved it at that age. - That's a perfect kids show, though. I mean, it's very broad. It's silly. - Meat pies from... I can't... - We'll meet both in Melbourne. - We'll meet both in Melbourne. - We'll meet both in Melbourne. - So you like stories about foreigners from fictional places with upbeat theme songs? - Yes, I do. - Was that the show you pitched to comedy central? - That wasn't exactly. I was a hybrid of those two, as well it should be. - Chris at one point, Chris, what was your... - I got into a fight with a guy at a party, I thought it was going to get real serious. I hope you fought. I hope you would get into a fist fight over this reason. - And I, because we were talking about character actors, it came up like we were just talking about actors who are not necessarily leading men. And I just exclaimed with my pointer finger in the sky. - Much gusto is possible. - Bronson Pinshow is the greatest character actor of our time. - That argument could be made. - And he was like, "What?" And then he think he pushed over a chair. - Who did he want Samuel L. Jackson? - I can't remember who his argument was, I was just focused on Bronson. - David Patrick Kelly. - When Bronson Pinshow shot the movie Second Sight in Boston, did you try to go crash the shooting? - I was not aware. - I was not aware. - It was not our... - Not our house. - It was this year, it was '87. - Oh wow, Charlestown, yeah. - Him and John Larrickett star in it. - We had no idea. - He was shot in our house. - We were shot in Charleston. We had no idea. - They lived in your house at that time. - No. - Yeah, it was a game man. It wasn't a game man. - It was a game man, it wasn't a game man. - It was a game man, it wasn't a game man. - We shot in our living room. We had no idea. - Yeah. - When you guys would go away for the weekend, they would shoot in your house. - They would shoot in your house. - Do you imagine... - That's who had sex in my face. - If you go... - Bronson Pinshow and Dan Fielding. - You guys go to the Summer of the Theatre and you're watching a movie and all of a sudden it's all in your house. - I know. - There's our house below fantastic. - They never left the apartment, and I think every episode begins with, I would say, find a way. - Yes. - That would be every episode description. - I don't want to talk about it. - Find a way. - To do this thing. - Balki. - Yeah. - To realize that the girl is interested in them. - Yeah. - You didn't watch Highway to Heaven that night, the most bum out of a show ever. - Oh my god. - But it's Mark Parle Gossler's first role. - Holy. - He's playing a character named Rolf Baltik, and listen to how depressing this is. An Auschwitz survivor is forced to relive the horrors when he and his grandson are targeted by neo-Nazis. - Holy crap. - Holy shit. - Yeah. - Yeah. - That seems like something we've been interested in. - Yeah. - Oh, we love that. - I really got us involved in, like, vigilante's and... - Vigilante Justice. - Oh, yeah. - The best. - Yeah. - Angels. - The best. - There's no better type of justice than vigilante justice. - No, there isn't. - In fact, I call it 1980s. - 1980s. - There's so much satisfaction at the end of some vigilante's. - So you're under, like, death wish and all those kinds of movies? - Oh, yes. - Great. - Would you watch those with you, Dad? - Rebelievs. - Rebelievs. - Rebelievs. The story begins. - Yeah. - This is a cool one. Head of the class you went with at some day? - Yes, yes. - Did you, like, first season with Howard Hessman or Billy Conley? - I actually liked both. - Yeah. - As a person, I liked Billy Conley better than Howard Hessman. - But the ensemble cast was better with Howard Hessman. - And every type. The fat guy would zits, the hot girl. - Yep. - The skinny guy. - The nerd. - It was a cool show. That show counteracted my New York is like the Warriors. It seemed like a more fun version of New York. - Yeah. - New York of New York, terrified. My dad went to visit, he was on this, like, business trip. He was a sheet metal worker. I don't know what the business was at the time, but they went to Ellis Island and they went to Statue of Liberty and we were very young, but we heard that my dad was in jail in New York and it turned out that a prostitute pickpocketed him at the Statue of Liberty. - He got rolled. - He got rolled. A guy notified. Some guy just tapped. He's like, "Hey, that lady just picked your pocket." He grabbed her by her wig, by her weave, pulled it out long. - Wig snatch. - Off her head and then he started fighting this woman who refused to give him his wallet. - So your dad fought a bald hooker on Ellis Island? - Yes. - And went to jail and my mother had to fly that. We didn't have any money. She had to fly down on the, what do they call it, not the express, but the shuttle. - A shuttle. - A shuttle. - The shuttle. - Oh yeah, the shuttle. And then it all got cleared up and it turned out, you know, it didn't do anything wrong except for still ladies here and maybe hit her. I don't know. - And it really, she bought it. He bought it from her. You could have made that argument. I pay for that. - Right. But that, in addition to that, and then traveling down there and seeing all the skyscrapers. - Yeah, it's intimidating. - Oh, it's very intimidating. - Which kind of brings me to the eight o'clock show, which I would have picked Night Court, which I loved that night, but you didn't watch it? - No, he picked Night Court. - He did do Night Court because that show managed to, had a sort of melancholy-ish theme song. - Pete. - Yeah. - Pete hates Night Court. - He still had like a little bit of peaches. - He just felt like bald. - Yeah. - Do, do, do, do, do, do, do. That's that one, right? - Yeah. And this is when Seal Award is in the episode, which is one of the most attractive women of all time. Pete likes her. - Wow. - Is that the only New York set show that you could watch? - No, I think there were, oh no, not because I didn't even realize they were in New York or it didn't even, you know, because it was on a set. It just seemed better to fish anyway. - Yeah. - And the weirdos seemed lovable, but they don't, they don't seem like, like the peeping toms or like these- - It was always flashers. - Yeah. - Didn't seem too crazy. - And the hookers were always like- - Oh, lovable. Yeah. - Everyone was funny. - Everyone was kind of sassy or like down on the dumpster, you know, was very like painted with a very bright brush. - Yeah. And even like I noticed the crimes on that show, even if I'm coming to crime, I'd be like, "Oh, you're on a butt. I had to." It's like, okay. You know, it was never like, "I'm just a sick, sick person." - What do you think of this trick? - And Harry was a lovable judge. - Yeah. - Which there's very few. - Not many. - And this one is Seal Awardenet, who I love. She was like, on every cover of everything, it was like the most beautiful woman I haven't seen or heard anything from her, you know, she doesn't call me anymore. You don't see her hear anything about her for years now. - Yeah. - I was just a little bit aware that she was a person back then. - She was on, she was on sisters. - And this is a rare appearance by Mel Torme on the September. - That's, he loved Mel Torme. I remember that. - That's how I knew who Mel Torme was. - Yes. - Just cause a nightmare. - Same here. - Yeah. - So, eight thirty rather. What do you go for last time? - We would switch over from the end of night court to the end of MacGyver. - End of MacGyver. - The second half is the good heart. - Where he would like, you know, create something or he'd like bang a thing and it would become magnetized or like... - You don't need the first half of MacGyver. You only need the second half. - Or he's on the hood of a car. Fixer in the brake line with a knife, you know. - This particular episode is MacGyver, Richard Dean Anderson, not David Patrick Kelly, finds himself wanted for the murder of a CIA agent when his old friend Jack Dalton gets him involved in an operation that was supposed to ferret out a mole in the agency. - Dalton. - This is heavy stakes on this particular MacGyver. - Yeah. - This isn't helping. - They were coming for MacGyver. That might have been a two-parter. - It says it's not, but it should have been. - Oh, okay. - What a great name, by the way. - MacGyver. - Yeah. - It's perfect. - Yeah. - You can watch a show built around that. - Yeah. And I don't think I've ever met anyone with that actual last name. I would have gotten, I've never met anyone named MacGyver. It's like Hitler. I would have gone with a show called Sweet Surrender that was a failed comedy that they burned off in the summer. So that was the great thing about TV in the summer. - Oh, yeah. - It made me repeat and burn off. And this show wasn't fantastic, but I enjoyed it when it was on. I saw maybe the three episodes that were on it, but Dana Delaney was in it. And I loved Dana Delaney. And this was when the frequency of Ken and Georgina's lovemaking drops below the national average, they try to correct the situation. - Oh, my God. See, that's a very adult way of saying that they're going to hold up. - Absolutely. - Yeah. - And it's not-- - We're not having enough sex, baby. - Yeah, it's an episode of people not having enough sex. That's not appropriate for me, but I would have watched it. - Oh, of course. - I'm trying to think. What was the only movie in the 80s that I couldn't get behind? Maybe Hughes did. Did he do, we're having a baby? - She's having a baby. - She's having a baby. - That's a grim movie. - It's a grim movie. - I love it. - It's adult. At that time, it's the only one of his I couldn't watch because it was just two. - There's two adults. - I think I made out through that one. - So she's having a baby in the Summerville movie theater? - Yes. - But you learned your lesson that she-- - I might have been in, perhaps, maybe not, but I'm hoping that it was an Aaron Blakey make-out. - Is that the best scenario make-out? - I was in love with her at some point in my life. - By the way, I ran into a kid today who I grew up with at a hockey rink. - You mentioned hockey because when we come back, we see our nieces and just use play hockey drinks. And bumped into a kid who's now living in Winthrop, he's like, "Oh, boys, how are you doing?" I was like, "Good. Good. Of course, corsary conversation. I was friends with this kid's older brother." - Yeah. - And he's like, "Oh, how's the family? Good, good, good. Do your brothers ever come down here and visit you in Winthrop?" He's like, "Yeah, Joel, come. Joel, come." And I'm standing there with my other brother, Michael, and he's like, "And it just got awkward." And he's like, "Okay, I gotta go coach the team." He went and coached the team. Did you not know that Robbie died? - Robbie OD'd eat. - And a hockey rink? - Oh my God. - I had no idea. - But how would you know? Like, that's that you don't get, if they had a newsletter, like the video store, you wouldn't know. - Yeah, I'm gonna get Kagnie's back. - There are so many guys that are on overdose, as they're on stage two. - Yeah. Just, you should just assume they OD'd and then be surprised when they're not. - Oh, he's alive! - Yeah. - Just be like, "I'm so sorry to hear about your brother." Just instantly. And then they'll be like, "No, he's alive." And then everyone's happy. - Right. - He's still... - You should never do anything together. - Yeah. - You'll never get it wrong that way. Two more nights this week, Thursday night, seven o'clock, what'd you go with? - Of course Cosby. - We would have been watching Cosby. - It was the show to watch. - Yeah. - Can you read the description? - "The Huxable Men are banished to Cliff's office with busy work when Claire and Denise throw a wedding shower for Denise's friend, Veronica." It's one of those men versus women plots on the Cosby Show that they did very, very well. - Of course, they did everything well. - It was home improvement. Very badly. Does that. Cosby Show? Does it right? - I see Tim now done another show where he's playing it. - Yes, guys. - With Nancy Travis, who's from Boston. - Oh, yeah, yeah. - She's just wonderful. - She's great. She's only married in the next week. - Yeah. So I probably would have watched Cosby. Although now, me now kind of want to watch "Star Man." - Oh, yeah. "Star Man." We'd be all over that in these days. - "Star Man's" is great. - 730. I'm guessing you're sticking on NBC and going to "Family Time." - Yeah. - You had to get up. - Turn a channel. - Oh, yeah. - We had fucking... - You had the pliers? - Channel locks. - Yeah. - We didn't even have a channel lock. - Oh, yeah. - 'Cause now I fell off. - It's like a wrench. - Yeah. - Yeah, you would have had to go to Home Depot if you lost. - Yeah, at a new knob, yeah. 'Cause you couldn't buy them. - No, no, no. I'm saying. Oh, some of a lumber. I'm saying just to get the channel locks to change the channel. - There was a store called Somerville Lumber. And Somerville, Massachusetts. My dad was always going there. And as a kid, and I think I might even thought to... - It's all a symbol. I thought it was called Son of a Lumber. - And Jack Hearney, our old friend, a great and secret show, sometimes participant, sometimes didn't want to participate. - Right. - He would just watch... - When he should have been in a costume on stage, he was standing outside watching himself. - He was in a band called Somerville Lumber. - I love it. - His band name was Somerville Lumber, Jack Hearney. - By the way, my restaurant idea is to call it Somerville Hospital. - Oh, yeah. - It has to be like, take me to Somerville Hospital. - And then they end up coming to the restaurant? - They come to the restaurant. You get served. You get sitting a gurney. You get served by candy... - Stripers. - Candy stripers. And you get hooked up to an IV. - There are hospital-themed restaurants. - Oh, really? - Yeah, it's all in Vegas. - No, there's one in Vegas called the Heart Attack Grill. - Really? - Yup. - The nurses work there and the burgers are all just-- - Sexual nurses. - Yeah. - And in Japan, they have-- - In Japan, they have-- - Sexy nurses. - Sexual sexy nurses. - Well, sex nurses. - Heart Attack Grill. - High-heal nurses. - Yeah. - Don't ever eat there. They'll spank it, too. - Yeah, they will. - They don't finish. I don't like that. - Called grandma's houses. - Yeah, you don't like that. - A themed restaurant that just looks, smells like an old person's house, and it's just some old lady yelling at you if they don't eat everything. You can't order. They just serve you. - Yeah. - People would go to that. - They totally would go, "Oh, it's going to be a great character." - Yeah. - That's great. It's artisanal. It's artisanal. So this episode of Family Ties, Jennifer's Band. Speaking of bands-- - Oh, Jennifer's Band. - The permanent waves is a big hit with the students, but the group's popularity plummets when Alex takes over as manager. - No, my lord. - Her band, though, River Phoenix is in it. - Oh, yeah. - As is Christina Applegate. - Wow. - Wow. - Yeah. - It's a sexy band. - It's a big one. And was it was Jake in that episode? - Oh, Nick. - Nick. - Nick is now his boyfriend. - Stop down, Tom. - Yeah. - He was awful, but still great. - No, no, no, no. - He didn't. - Malorie. - Hey. - Mr. Keaton. I'm an artist. - Right. - Yeah. - He was going to be a big movie star. - He was a great lover. - Oh, yeah. I love that too. - To sleep with the vampire. - Yep. - Great movies. So eight o'clock, what'd you go with? - Probably chairs, but we see that Jewel of the Nile was on. - Jewel of the Nile was on it. There's a couple movies you would mention too. - I loved them. - Unbelievable. - Alan Quarterman. - Alan Quarterman of Lost City of Old. - So funny. - Yeah. - When he's pointing that gun around, everyone's ducking but the savage. - It's a great thing. - The savage doesn't know any better. - Oh my god, they got him shooting the guy. - Yeah. - He's attacking him with the cemetery. - Yeah. - It's just a new little take on that. - Yeah. - It's great. - The savage is on ducking, but all the people who know what guns are all ducking, it's the classics. - But you didn't watch the 1978 Made for TV version of Doctor Strange. - No. - No. - Which stars the one and only Peter Hooten. - Oh man. - Oh man. - Is that a mistake? - That movie? - It wasn't supposed to be Peter Hooten. - It's not Peter Hooten. It's Peter Hooten. But Jessica Walters in it from Arrested Development. - Oh wow. - She was the romantic lead. - Oh wow. - It's so 70s. When you watch that Made for TV Doctor Strange movie, it feels like a pornographic film with the sex scenes cut out. Like you're like, "When's it going to happen?" It never does. And then also where the boys are ready for it, which is a classic young two. - Yeah. That's an honorable mention. - Is that what Bette Miller? - No, no. That's for the boys. - Oh, she's in World War II? - Yes. - This is a remake of Where the Boys Are, which is a Spring Break 60s movie. And this is like an 80s update of that. - 84. - Yeah. Cheers. I never met a person who doesn't like Cheers. - Oh yeah. By the way, nine o'clock, I was watching LA Law. - Oh, we all watched it. - Sure. - I think we watched that as a household. - Yeah. That was a family thing. - Everybody but my dad probably. - Did you go see Dr. Giggles? 'Cause Benny was in it. - Oh, for sure. - Yeah. - Oh my god. And Dark Man, where's the dark man? - Dark Man. It was very good. - Yeah. - And made for a video. Liam Neeson wouldn't come back for some reason. - Oh, he loved LA Law. We followed it through. We watched that for years. - I still think of some of the gags they had on that show. It was the first time I was aware of Tourette's. - Yeah. - They did a whole thing on Tourette's. - That show was the person who walked into the elevator shaft. - Yeah, yeah. That was one of the main characters. They died off. They killed her off. - What a way to kill her. - Yeah. - Open elevator, just out of nowhere. - Right. It was such a startling thing. Everyone was, we were involved in that show. We cared about it. - It was like the first show that I actually remember being upset that somebody died. You know what I mean? That happened. And we were all like, what? - Well, it's a little more calm than it. - And that was the end of it. - It comes and there was some more. - Yeah. - And it wasn't as fantastical the other late nights. So it's like dynasty and Dallas. - Right, right. - And since we were just these rich people. - Yeah. - I mean, they're lawyers. - Yeah. - But it seemed more realistic. - Right. - Realistic, yeah. - And even saying elsewhere or something or Hill Street Blues, for some reason it was harder to identify with doctors and cops. - Yeah. - There's a little more harsh. - Yeah. - But then at 9.30, Gremlins was on. And we probably, even in July, we would have had to watch Gremlins. - So this particular episode of LA Law. - Which is spooky movie. - It is a super spooky movie. I feel the need to read you this synopsis. - Yeah. - It is, fear of aging promotes Brackman to cover his pet, his paté. - Yeah, his paté is... - And consume others. What? Others with imagined inadequacies. - Oh, I see. - I don't understand that. - He feels bad that he's going bald, and he wants to cover it up. He wants to point out other pupils. - Why don't they just say this? Why'd they have to get all hoodie toady and then see who's there? - He was the worst part of the show. - Yeah, he really is. I mostly knew about LA Law from Mad Magazine Parodies. That's all I've learned about things. Suzanne Day inspires, strength, and Becker's timid client, and a courtroom admirer raises Sifuenti's hopes. - Oh, my God. Sifuenti's. - Sifuenti's. - Oh, yeah. Fantastic. Final night of the week. - It's Friday night. - Oh, boy. - Seven o'clock, bro. - This was the... - Sledgehammer, look at a laughaway. - Sledgehammer, this was the one show we waited all week to watch. When it was on, it was on briefly. Dave and I just, like, would laugh. - We saw the first episode by mistake. - It was, like, laugh. - And it was Friday night, so you would most likely be eating pizza. - Pizza. - Yeah, I don't think so. - Yeah. - You'd be like, "This is the best." - The physical comedy was fantastic. - Yeah. - His facial... - Oh, he's great on it. - Yeah. - We managed to capture what you guys liked about those action movies in vigilante justice - Yeah. - in this movie. - It was so great. - It was only two seasons. It was one of those shows that, before it came on on DVD, people would be like, "I'm sure I'm not remembering this right." - Yeah. - "But I remember this show when I was a kid." And I'm like, "No, that's exactly how the show was." And it was that surreal... Like, it would be an adult swim show now. - Yeah, yeah. - It was a lot, like, Eagle Heart. It's very similar. - So, playing on TV that you could really compare that show to was probably, like, what's his name? Max Hedram or something like that, where you would see a character like that. And it just seemed so out of time and out of place that Sledgehammer was like a hilarious show that kind of made no sense. It was more cartoony than an actual show. - Yeah. - We loved it. We like lost our minds. - Without being the joke-a-minute police squad. - Yeah. - Which I also liked, but Sledgehammer, it would have a real plot. - Yeah. - Like, the characters were, like, you felt for the characters. It wasn't so surreal that they just were floating like that. - Yeah. It was kind of grounded in something. - Yeah, but it was so bizarre. It was a great show. The woman who played his partner wrote the movie Twister. - Oh, wow. - Yeah. - I liked Twister. - Yeah. - She's great at that movie. - Go see more often. - Yeah. - Seven-thirty, what are you doing? - Well, Sledgehammer was an hour show, right? - No. Sledgehammer was a half hour film. - Half hour. - Definitely we went with Brocktoon. - Mr. Belvedere. - Mr. Belvedere. - Mr. Belvedere. For those who are Belvedere fans, I hope you're aware of Brocktoon. - Yes, you should look up the SNL sketch with Tom Hanks. - Brocktoon is the password to many of my accounts online. Brocktoon coupled with a number and maybe some kind of symbol. - Yep. - I love the name Brocktoon. - Do you haven't used Brocktoon as an alias? - I'm sure I've given it to you. - It's hard to look someone in the eye at like a hotel or somewhere and go, "Brocktoon." - To you, it is. - Yeah. - Not this guy. - Yeah. - Tunes this, Brocktoon. - Tunes this, Brocktoon. - Brocktoon this. - This one is, while Belvedere teaches Wesley Semaphore, Kevin gets his signals crossed with an older woman played by K-Lens. This isn't one where Kevin's sticking it to K-Lens. - Mike. - Kevin got laid a lot on that show. - Kevin. - Including the date rape episodes when he was a date rapist. - From a point. - Yeah. - The AIDS episode is-- - It's astounding. - It's astounding. - Yeah. - I love Belvedere. I re-watched the Christmas episode in this season recently. - My God. - Both Christmas episodes. - Brocktoon. - Brocktoon. 8 p.m. - Have you ever told the story about Belvedere's balls on this podcast? - It's come up, but I had someone who had, you know, good authority tell me that that was false. - It was all fake. - Yeah. - Okay. - That was false. That was made up by Adam Sandler. - Okay. - I didn't even know what we're talking about. - So there's a story, a famous Hollywood story that one day Christopher Hewitt sat on his own balls and then injured himself and they had to stop taping for the day. And Sandler is the one who spread that story and sees you get a guest spot on the set. - Belvedere, Christopher Hewitt was so good that it makes me want to put a Lord. - Yeah. - Christopher Hewitt before the day. - It should be. - Because Mr. Belvedere was so good. - Lord Belvedere. - I mean, he's from Brockton, Massachusetts, isn't he? - Yeah, Brocktoon. He was in the producers and was all this Broadway stuff. - Yeah, it was really funny. - Oh my God. - And then also Doug Benson, his roommate was Kevin on Mr. Belvedere. - Oh, really? - Yeah, that was his roommate at this time. And so he used to go to the taping every single week. - Wow. - Oh my God. Rob Stone. - You know the snacks. - You know the snacks get the catering. The catering. - I wonder why he's so large. - Yeah, exactly. So eight o'clock, what are you going with? - We saw commando was on again. - The double commando? - Yeah, double commando. - Do you win commando? - Yeah, I win commando twice. - Remember when I told you I'd kill you last? - You know what I'm saying? - You know what I'm saying? There's not like a movie theater. - I think at that point, I don't know if anybody had jumped out of a commercial airplane into it like a swamp and then walked away. - No one else. I think there should be like Cine Family or someone should do a go commando night where everybody doesn't want to watch commando. - That's a good idea. - That's a good idea. - That's the wrong type of thing. - They're a little, they're a little highbrow for that. - Yeah. - Let's make it happen. - Let's pirate it. - Let's rip it up. - Yeah. - Maybe then like the new Bev, is that a go commando night kind of place? - Not anymore. - Tarantino now is also a lesson to print. He's only doing, he took over the programming. - You could get a print of commando. - He probably has to. - I want to watch a movie with a room full of people who I know none of you're wearing underwear. That's what I want. You know what doesn't have to be commando. - We can do it right here? - Let's do it right here. - So much you make it happen. I would have watched consenting adults with Marlowe Thomas and Martin Sheen, the made for TV movie. This movie is the parents of a college student wrestle with anger and feelings of guilt over their son's disclosure that he is a homosexual. - Oh boy. - Oh boy. - How do you know the big issues? - He didn't have wall shoes to go move in with. - Yeah. Where he could hide it. - Yeah. - We were like the Harry and the Heddeses where you had to hide it in our house. - We don't have a gay here. No. It was our cat. 'Cause all those shows really should have been-- - He's an alien. - If you took all those 80 shows about a robot or an alien or whatever and replaced that character with a gay son. The same exact show. - Oh yeah. - When it's a gay son. - Yeah, yeah. - Don't let 'em out. - Don't let 'em out. - The neighbors are over here. Every show. That's what those shows were about. - You can't do that. You have to stay here. - Yes. - You have to stay here. - No, they'll know. They'll take you away. - Right. - So Walsh brothers. - Yes. - As you know, TV guy, it is not just informative. It has opinions. Cheers in it. - Cheers. - All right. - The Cheers and Jears from this week of July 4th, 1987 and see if you agree or disagree. - Okay. - Cheers and Jears. It's a split week. We've got two cheers, two cheers. - Okay. - To HBO for the ever-increasing range and quality of its made-for-TV movies. Two recent examples, conspiracy, the trial of the Chicago 8 and offbeat recreation of the fame 1969 courtroom circus with Robert Carradine, or Revenge of the Nerds, and Cagney and Lacey's Carl Lumley in Long Gone, a raunchy baseball yarn about a macho minor league player manager and his girlfriend. This one sported pennant-winning performances by William Peterson and Virginia Madsen. - Wow. - All those things are positives. - Yeah. - It's not a belief. It's no fun to say we agree, but- - You can't not agree. There's nothing you can find. - Exactly. - Gene Madison. - William Peterson. - Yeah. - I met him once. - More stuff. - When he was promoting CSI Miami, he came to WBZ4 when I worked there and got him to sign my man-hunter laser-desk. - Hey. - I was unaware that that even exists after his- - Yeah, after his- - The best. - The best. - Man-hunter is the best Hannibal Lecter movie. - It's really great. - That's one of my favorites. - It's really great. - Then we have a Jears. - Well, it's a lot of news for not renewing in the news. The network's award-winning series of Saturday Morning News spots designed for the school-age audience. - I don't agree. - Yeah. - Get that shit off. - Yeah. - We don't need that. - You're watching Fufar. You don't want to see something about Zimbabwe. - Yeah. - In the news. - That's our- - Yeah. - I mean, in addition to the other six days of the week, that's our real day to escape. - Yeah. - Yeah. - You need to escape from Small Wonder. - Right. - With all those cartoons. - Yeah. - But if you want to watch the news, you would watch the news. - Yeah, it's easy to find the news. - You don't put it on there. - Is there anything that's- - Put it on dinner, Tony. - Yeah, exactly. - They started to force it into our schools and channel 101. - Can you think of something that's more- - More kid-cryptonite than the specter of just the news? - Yeah. - Like, why don't parents punish their children with the news? - Yeah, right. - You have to hide it. - Hey, you're going to watch, you're going to watch the riots and- - Yeah. - You have to hide it. - People protest like three to one contact. - Yeah. - That's where we get our innocent black kids getting shot. - You're going to watch this stuff. - Yeah, you're going to watch the bloodhound gang- - You can't solve a crime. - The bloodhound gang made a pinhole camera, and that's how we learned about a black youth big shot. - And they caught a pervert. - Yes. They only teach us this. Bloodhound gang. - I know that's- - Cheers to Fox's teen-oriented Sunday night police drama, 21 jumpscare. - Oh, yeah. - I'm not done though. - All right. - For its recent shows about child abuse, missing kids, drugs, and prostitution. This is a cheer. - Yeah. - Well, they want more. They want more. It's weird. The TV Guide wants this. - They want to tackle the hard-hitting it. - Who is editing this? Who is the editor of this issue? - Nameless. They would not- they just could do whatever they wanted. They didn't have to account for- - Somebody's pretty progressive. - Oh, yeah. Because then they gave it an 800 number during the show where viewers could call in for help with those problems. - Wow. - You know what's great? I cheer that because that was an opportunity to make a prank phone call. - Oh, yeah, yeah. - And I live with my friends. - We all did that. We all did that. - Or you flip it and you make it a little meta. My dad's making me watch 21 jokes. - Oh, friend, this moment I used to work with. I mean, I told you I was a server for it. She came in to work late one day and we're like, "What happened?" She goes, "Well, I was just on the phone all morning with 911." And we're like, "Why?" And she goes, "My son called them and told the police that I was, quote, trying to make him wear faggy clothes." - Oh, my word. - So they thought you was abusing him or something. - Nothing better. - Yeah, it was hilarious. - There's nothing better than calling a number. Having them expect you're calling about something and then just give them an order of Chinese food for the number. - Yeah, and you can't get away with that now because of the call already? - Oh, you can do the old star six seven. - It doesn't always work though. That's why kids suck now. - Hey, it's the most brothers keep calling me ordering Chinese food to the south. - It's still a bunch of idiots. Finally, cheers to ABC, CBS and NBC. - For serving up another dull summer. - Wow. - Retreads, reruns, and unsold pilots are once again the order of the day. We do watch less TV in the summer, but only because there's so little worth watching. - Oh, boy. - Wow. - That's a complaint that they make today. - Yeah. - And you were probably. There was a couple in there that you really loved. - That was always worse than that little Ken Reed watching Bates Motel. - Nothing was worse than seeing a pilot that were burning off in the summer and loving it. - Oh, yeah. - That happened a lot. - Did you know that they were doing that back then? - Yeah. I knew if it was a new show that came out in the summer, it was never coming back. - Wow. - I support kids getting outside in the summer. - Yeah. - So I don't support that. - Put it at night? - Oh, yeah. Especially at night. Yeah. - Kick the kid around acting like an asshole. - Yeah. See, I was just inside. - Oh, no. That was trying to like goose girls. - Yeah. - Goose girls. - Yeah. - Is that the gang? - Goose girls. - I'm sorry, sorry everybody. The goose girls were cut out of the Warriors. - The goose girls are the battle of the Parkeys. - The Parkeys and the Goose girls. - The Parkeys and the Goose girls. Well, Walsh Brothers. Thank you so much. - Oh, it was a lot of fun. Thanks for having us. Great to be home. - Oh, thank you. - Speak with you. Pleasure to meet your dog. - Yes. - He enjoyed your company. - Hopefully you're still with us. - Yes. - Thanks for the snacks. - You're welcome. - There you go. The Walsh Brothers. That is a very Boston-centric episode. That is a lot of fun that episode. So as always, please email me at canandicenrein.com or TVguidenscounselor@gmail.com. You can message us on our Facebook page, TVguidenscounselor, or go to TVguidenscounselor.com. If you like the show, which presumably you do, if you made it this far into the episode, please review the show online. iTunes, it's a huge help if you review the show. It lets people know about it. And I'm always trying to spread the word because I'm fairly proud of the show. And I'm always trying to spread the word, because I'm fairly proud of the show. And we'll see you next Wednesday for an all-new episode of TVguidenscounselor. ♪♪♪ - My favorite games are the Maccabee games, the Jewish games. - Yeah. - You're fucked. - You can't say that on the bus. - We like, we like Sandy Duncan too. - What'd you like about Sandy Duncan? - We didn't know at that age. - We were, you know, 10, 11. - Yeah. - I mean like that sort of red-neck-y. - Say it. - It wasn't enough of that. - I think it was a TV channel where Steve Sweeney was on the whole time. - Yeah, you would have watched that. - That would have been our channel. - Baby, let me tell you. Is that you about chopping, Mom? - Yeah. It was really, really cool. - Oh, kill blocks. - And I'm just telling you what this movie's about. - Yeah. - We should have watched it. - Yeah. - We should really watch it. - Yeah. - Our lives are gonna change after today. - Our lives are gonna split into before and after chopping. - By the way, cartoon boobs. - Hilarious. - Yeah. - Especially when they draw the lines for nipples.
