We have a TV. No, I don't like to read the TV guide. Read the TV guide. Don't need a TV. Hello and welcome to Wednesday. TV Guttons Counselor Day officially here in Massachusetts. That's a lie, but it is Wednesday and I do release new episodes on Wednesdays. My guest this week is a former New Englander, Brian Cook. Now Brian grew up in Maine as we discuss in this episode, moved to Seattle, started doing comedy in the move to LA for a writing job, and is the founder of competitive erotic fan fiction, which is a live show and it's also a podcast you can hear unnoticed. I have appeared on it four times and each time I offend myself more than the last time. It's kind of disturbing, but Brian's also really funny stand-up and we had a great conversation and I think you'll enjoy it. So here you go. Here's this week's episode with Brian Cook. Mr. Brian Cook. Brian, how are you, sir? Good, man. How you doing? Good. Thank you for having me in your home. Absolutely and welcome. I'm a man without a country out here in the west house, so normally this is my welcome people in my home, but that would be difficult. Yeah, out here. So I gave you a smaller selection of TV guides because we didn't want to sit in the street and go through the trunk of my rental car, which would be very... Some people I've opened the trunk of the car and just TV guides spill out and I've gotten some pretty odd looks. Yeah, I believe it. Rightfully so. Real hoarder vibe. Yeah, oh, absolutely. I'm bicostily hoarding as I mentioned, which I think may have never been done before. This is your west coast collection. West coast collection. So I've just filled the trunk of this rental car. I'm thinking I might just return it like that. That's hilarious. It'll be amazing. There'll be a trunk full of TV guides for no reason. Should we fill the whole back seat too? Yeah, I might just, yeah, that'll give them a nice little thrill. What's the most they could charge and would it be worth it? For clearing out TV guides, I can't imagine they could charge a lot. Like 50 bucks. Maybe. Yeah. Standard cleaning fee. I mean, it might be worth it if I could somehow film them looking in there. Yeah, there's not a lot of payoff otherwise. Yeah, otherwise. Yeah, I just, we got this rental car once, man. The trunk was filled with TV guides from like four years. It was living in it. What a weirdo. Yeah, I'm saying... Best case scenario, one of those dudes is like a stand-up comic and then he has a story. Yeah, yeah, we just paid it forward. Yeah, exactly. So you gravitated toward this episode, this edition from April 4th through the 10th, 1992, the cover of which is those sexy soaps. So sexy soaps. Is that what drew you to this particular issue? No, you only had two that were like from my sort of junior high, early high school sweet spot. Okay. I didn't have cable until seventh grade or something. So you grew up in Maine and was it fairly rural Maine that you grew up in? Yeah, I mean, we had basic cable, but no MTV. So there was just, I felt like it would have been a lot more limited as far as what I actually watched back then. Right, right, right. What I was aware of. So cable was available in there? It was, but it wasn't, yeah, it was just, it was like premium cable to get the stations that now we take for granted. Did you know what I feel like this might be more of a generally a new England thing, but I always remember people and we're roughly the same age that there was always some guy that would have a satellite dish. Oh, yeah. And I was like... Giant satellite. Giant. It would like, just be like, yeah, I get our raw feeds from Playboy Channel. It would look like dad's buddy from work or something. Yeah, it was always someone's cousin, right? Yeah, yeah, that's it. For some reason, I always equate that with Maine and New Hampshire. Yeah. Some guy they would know had this house in the middle of nowhere and had like a really gross pool. Oh, yeah, above ground pool. Yeah. And would just brag about it and then be like, hell yeah, we got the dish and you got to turn it, like physically turn it, yeah, to get certain satellites. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So you, you must have known kids that had that. Definitely. Yeah. Yeah. They, uh, they were real creeps. They were always creeps. Or somebody that lives in like a mobile home, but they have a 20 foot satellite dish. Yeah. Yeah. Or big second marriage kids. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Like the dad who's 20 years older than the mom. Right. And like the 13 year old is their kid. It's like a 17 year old from first marriage. That always seemed to be the case, yeah. Definitely, because it's uh, shut up. Yeah. I got you TV. There's a satellite dish powerful. Yeah. Yeah. Let me alone so I can bone your mom. Right, exactly. Hey, go swim in the pool. I don't care if the water's green. Yeah. You got to climb up 10 feet to get into it. That's fine. Yep. Yeah. So you had basic cables, you were with 92 and Saturday night, eight o'clock. What'd you go with? Golden girls. So you're a Golden girls fan. Absolutely. Okay. You still watch it? It's been quite a while. I think it holds up couple. It definitely holds up. It's, uh, yeah, it's they got away with a lot of stuff that is I think is surprising for that time because I'm a little lady's mouths, maybe. Yeah, but you would think that would make it harder to swallow. You think so? I don't know. I think people are grossed out by all the people talking about sex. I'm grossed out by old people. Yeah, I mean, generally, yeah, because you can just see them and then you can just smell them. You can just know what they smell like. You can see like their organs moving. Yep. Through their thin skin. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's vile. Um, but I don't know. Maybe right. Maybe maybe it should have gone the other way, but somehow they managed to get away with like really, really crude stuff. Oh, well, yeah. Pretty regular basis. Absolutely. And you know, there was a lot of old people sex talk in the movie, Cacoon. Yeah. Well, that was uncomfortable, but Golden Girls seemed fine. Yeah. I understand it. I don't know. I guess because Cacoon wasn't funny. There were parts that were supposed to be funny, but you know, who's not a gifted comedic actor? Wilford Brimley. Brian Denney. Brian Denney. I don't know, man. He was amazing and Tommy Boy. That's true. Yeah. And he's pretty good in FX. Yeah. Wilford Brimley's just funny on his not like, I remember, you know, the thing John Carpenter's the thing. Yeah, I never saw it. Well, it's a remake of the thing. And there's there can shape shift into different people. And at one point Wilford Brimley's the thing. Okay. Not to ruin it for you. And he's ripping this guy's face off. Okay. Just has this intense look in his face. And I saw him like in some actor interview with him. And they were asking him, you know, what his motivation was in that scene and what he was thinking about. And he goes, Oh, I was thinking about picking up Mulaundry. And so every time I see that now, I just look at his face. I'm like, yeah, he's, you know, picking up his laundry. That's the look on his face. And I always enjoy it even more now. That's amazing. Like he was just bored. Like that was the, yeah, just ripping a guy's face off. It's just day at work. So this particular episode, a reservist put by Bruce Kirby, returning from the Gulf, remembers Blanche as the girl of his dreams. But a baffled Blanche can't remember him at all. And Dorothy discovers that poor poor Sophia isn't really poor. So a Gulf War episode returns from the Gulf. So that that dude's on the younger side for maybe unless he was like a general or something. Yeah. But this was so the Gulf War was 90, 91, Operation Desert Shield, which turned into Operation Desert Storm, which had trading cards. Do you remember the trading cards? Everywhere after they were always discounted. Nobody bought it. Someone's got a trunk full of those right now. Oh, yeah. They're going to get those returned at the Hertz. They're going to hit. It's just Operation Desert Storm cards. Yeah. That's when like Marvel Universe cards were big in my world. Oh, okay. It would always be, you just see like these Operation Desert Storm. And they would be like, oh, I got a general Norman Schwarzkopf rookie car. Oh my God. Who on earth would want that? It's so ridiculous. Unusual to actually have an episode about a then fairly current war. Yes. That's that's in seasonally out of place for Golden Girls. We don't get anything set in the Iraq war. No, on a sitcom like Guy Coming Back, got some PTSD issues maybe. Or even in anything. I mean, if you remember when we were growing up, Vietnam vets were in everything. Yeah. Everything. Well, Korea for that matter. Yeah. Or in Korea. Yeah. But you know, you'd have like Vietnam vets show up as plot devices and so many things. Yep. And that never ever comes up now. It's just, I mean, a handful of movies, I guess, but yeah, I guess you have like a blogger and stuff like that. Yeah, with Three Kings, but that takes place in the original Gulf War. Right. Definitely not on TV. No. Definitely not on a sitcom. Yeah. Modern family has an PTSD war vet coming in. So I did enjoy Golden Girls. I probably would have watched this although it was a repeat, but cops is on that night. And more importantly, it's a Boston edition. Oh really? This is Boston officers assist a beating victim and arrest a beating suspect. Assisted beating a victim, someone like it. Yes. And a brief surveillance team helps Navas suspected cocaine buyer and seller. A cocaine bust in Boston in 1992. Like I'd watched that all day. Yeah. All day. That's a good call. That's definitely a good call. Yeah. Fantastic show. I watched a lot of cops. It was a, that was kind of the proto reality show really. Oh, absolutely. It was one of the really the first two reality shows. Oh, there was one called Family that was on PBS in the 70s, which actually was more like a documentary film. And they followed this family for a year. It turned out one of the sons was gay and him coming out was this huge thing. And Albert Brooks's movie Real Life is a parody of that. Oh, okay. I've heard of it, but yeah, that sounds very familiar. But that was still more sort of academic, almost like the seven up series if you've heard of those. Yeah, totally. It was more like that. But for sort of a mass consumerism version, it was really the real world in cops. Like those are absolutely the two linchpin TV shows that just founded this whole genre. And cops was a brilliant idea because it cost almost nothing to produce. Right. Because states have right, right along laws, and you're allowed to ride along with cops for free and they can't refuse it. Oh, really? Yeah, most states because as a taxpayer, you can go on a ride along. Okay. I don't know what anyone would want to. I definitely known people who've called up and asked to go on ride along. Huh. And you just hang out in the cop car for like a whole shift. It's probably incredibly boring. Yeah, I imagine the time, but I think you probably have to put on a vest or something. So people are like, yeah. So that would, they were just filming those kind of things. Yeah. Which is, and I'll still watch cops now. Is it? They still make original episodes of cops? Yes. It moved from Fox to FX. Oh, so it was the longest running show on Fox. And then last year, they canceled it on Fox and moved it to FX. So Saturday nights at eight o'clock, there are still two new episodes on FX every single week. It's unbelievable. Oh, no, FX. I'm sorry, Spike. They moved it to Spike. Oh, is that owned by them? I think it's owned by them. Okay. Yeah, they're all it's just two companies. Yeah, everything at this point. So I'd always enjoy cops. 830, what'd you go with? 830 Billy. Billy, spin off of head of the class. Right. And I don't really remember it, but I know I definitely watched it. It didn't last long. No, it didn't. So this was, it was a spin off of head of the class, which had ended the year before. Billy Connolly replaced Howard Houseman. And I love Billy Connolly. It's great. I watch him do anything. Yeah. But it was a really sanitized version of Billy Connolly. Okay. And they kind of used him as a magic foreigner. You know, like he's got folks, he whizzed them from the Scotland Hills. Right. And the premise was he moved in with this single mom, he rented a room above a garage or something. And it was a little day, won't they? He was kind of serving as a father figure to her kid. And I figured the father was dead. Okay. And, you know, he had this wisdom as a professor. And it just didn't, it didn't click. It wasn't, it wasn't great. And this was when ABC had a lot of success with TGIF for whatever reason. And they decided to try and mimic that on Saturday nights with a thing called Saturday night. It's funny. And they, I mean, that just, right there, helps off the screen. What a marketing campaign. If someone's like, you know, if someone just tell me what Saturday night is, I think I'd watch it. They got to watch it. It's funny. It's funny, man. I'm on. Yeah. And so that they moved who's the boss for its final season. They put Billy in there, which was canceled pretty quickly. And then they put growing pains in there for its final season. And then a rotating bunch of other shows. And it was just a failure. Yeah. Billy was, was not great. I think, I think if you had given Billy Connolly free reign to do a sitcom in 1992, Oh man. You would have got something great. Yeah. Absolutely. I can imagine what it would be. He's, he's one of those dudes that's so brilliant and so underutilized. Like the movies that he's been in, have any of them actually been great? Talking about fucking boondocks. Things kid. Yeah. Fucking Patu. He's fucking awesome and not. No, I mean, he's not really been in any great movies. My favorite thing that he did was for, for BBC, did a series of travel documentaries about his tours. Oh, really? And he, one of them, he drives Route 66 on a motorcycle. It's like eight episodes of him just stopping hanging out. And it's great. That sounds great. It's really great. And he's done one of Australia, Scotland, England. He's not the last game, Antarctica. It's probably done 10 of these travel log shows. And they're, they're perfect for him. And they're really, really great. Oh, that sounds killer. No, I never saw any of that. I didn't even know he was a stand-up comic when I was watching head of the class. Because I also didn't have access to like, there wasn't a stand-up on basic cable. No, not really. I mean, A&E would show stuff and then Fox had the Sunday comics, a comic strip live. Right. But Billy Connolly's not showing up on that. And by that time in the mid 80s, he was the biggest comic in Britain. Yeah. Huge. Huge. Houdrina comic. Yep. And he was one of the first stand-up comedians in, in the UK. Yeah. They had these things called gentlemen's clubs, working men's clubs. Working men's clubs. Working men's clubs was the only thing they had comedy in. And they were basically like VFW halls for drunk racists. And so all of the comedy that came out of there was like, so some Packy walks into a butt, like just racist stuff and then they'd sing songs. Sure. Sean Locke has a, it was a British comic, has a really funny bit about this guy Barnard Manning. And he's like, he would tell the filthiest joke and then sing a song and be like, are you stop a dog from humping your leg? Pick him up and stuck his cock. And that's like the kind of shows that they would have. And so Billy Connolly's. This is why men can't just be left alone in large groups at their own devices. That's what you come up with. That kind of crap. You know there were circle jerks at half of these places. Oh, absolutely. I imagine, like black mass circle. It's a kind of Freemasonry that's going on. It had to be. I mean, they're the oldest Anglo-Saxon organizations in the world. Yeah. And so he used to open folk concerts. Sure. Yeah. He's big in that. And he just started doing story stuff and it was unusual. And he was great. I remember seeing him, I forget even how I saw him do stuff. It must have just been on cable. They just bought some stuff that was cheap. But I knew he was a stand-up before head of the class. And when you watch out of the class now, which I don't know if you've seen it recently. I have not. But it's, they just let him do stand-up routines. Oh, really? So basically, his lesson, like the teaching the class, is him doing five minutes of stand-up. And it's really, it's really hamfisted. Sure. It's cool. But it's like twice as bad as when they wedged into a late night interview. Yes, yes. So I hear you don't like Mexican food. Right. Yeah. It's the thing about Mexican food. How was that? It's a Mexican place. And I don't even know what comic we were both doing there, but it's some generic comedian. Some J. Leno-esque. So I would have watched that. I really enjoyed that show even though it wasn't great. Yeah, I know that I did watch it and I would watch it today out of curiosity in that time slot, but I don't remember it at all. Well, I have the whole series with commercials if you'd like a copy to ever check it out. Wow. So nine o'clock, what'd you go with? Perfect strangers. Show you really enjoyed? Yep. What did you enjoy just the slapstick nature of this show? I think I enjoyed the fact that I was 14 years old. That could have been a cousin Larry Appleton's barely contained breakdowns were always entertaining. I think in retrospect, I mean, he was such the fucking Jon Arbuckle of that show. Oh, yeah, absolutely. That in retrospect, I think he would have entertained me. He would entertain me more now. But there's a lot of Broadway now. Does he really? Yeah. Huh. There's thin lips. There's thin lips. He's put on a little weight. That doesn't surprise me. This was the last season of this show as well. So it was the last season of Growing Pains, Perfect Strangers, and Who's the Boss. This is when my childhood died. Oh, absolutely. Because were you very upset when these shows ended? I think by the time, even as a 14. Well, 14. I mean, you're old enough to be in theory. To be aware of like a show totally jumping the shark. Yeah. Like when Growing Pains suddenly had this other fucking daughter. Yeah. Chrissy. Six. She aged. She had some sort of fast aging disease. Yeah. I was definitely like, fuck that. Yeah. I know what you've done here. Yeah. That was the movie. She was in the Jean Claude Vendant movie, Lionheart. Wow. The same year. He beats her to death in an island. He beats her to death. Yeah. And then he beats someone to death with her. Roll a lifetime. Yes. So you were a little more aware. Yeah. I think by the end of those Perfect Strangers, I might have watched all the way through. But Growing Pains and Who's the Boss, I might have gotten fed up with. Yeah. I mean, I never really liked who's the boss, but I watched it every week. I just Elissa Milano. Yeah. Unstoppable. Yeah. Absolutely. I remember a kid in my elementary school got in trouble because he was drawing naked pictures of Elissa Milano. Okay. And the teacher found them and knew they were at Elissa Milano because the kid wrote Elissa Milano. So they're like some fourth graders, crude, barely, not a stick figure drawing that just says Elissa Milano. Oh, that's amazing. That was very funny. But growing pains, I was truly upset about, and I really enjoyed that show. But I think also part of it was I was 12 when it went off the air. It had been on since '84. That show was on for two thirds of my life. Yeah, absolutely. So it feels like a huge deal, like an end of a real era when this is all you know. And that upset me. Perfect training is not so much, but mostly because the last season was so awful. I'm sure it was. If you remember, they both got married to their long-term girlfriends. Jennifer. Yeah. And Marian. Marian. They moved out of their apartment building and got a big Victorian house and all lived together. No. And like some kind of weird. That's not what's happening. It'd be common. No. And it was the last season had an episode where Balki got possessed by a demon. I remember that vaguely. Yeah. That was the whole one with that, an episode where their house was infested with turkeys. Like it got even more and more ridiculous even for perfect stranger standards. So this one Marian threatens to move out after after going to great lengths to get a marriage proposal from Balki who, thanks to Larry, thinks it's Jennifer who loves him. They could call him misunderstanding. Oh God. Larry causing problems. I truth be told probably would have watched perfect strangers as well. Yeah. But America's most wanted that night. Yeah. I always liked America's most wanted uh enough to to watch it on occasion. I found a lot of people watch that with their families. Yeah. That's not a show I would think you'd watch Philly but a lot of people I talked to their whole family would sit around and watch America's most wanted together. I could see that because I think your parents probably weren't gonna watch you dippy sitcoms. But it was terrifying. Yeah. This one is a Jamaican woman wanted for hiring hit men after her alleged attempt to kill her husband failed and a rape murderer and child molestation suspect with a history of being a peeping Tom. Oh God. That is not anything I want to watch. Nothing you want to watch with your mom especially. No. Absolutely not. But you know maybe I would have flipped back and forth to do that perfect strategy depending on how bad it was. Couple scenes. Yeah. Let's see what Balki's doing. Yo. I got these shows confused. 9 30. I know I'm going with going pains but what's your problem? Growing pains. So this is uh after pondering what steered her off track into the comfort zone of life Maggie faces her fears head on dangling off the sheer face of a mountain. Not that great of an episode. It can't be. It can't. Anytime you get these families out of the house or out of the office or out of whatever it's the worst. So are you a fan of the sitcoms that take place in basically one room? Yeah. Yeah. Like did you like Barney Miller? Never seen it. Oh you would you'd like it. Oh yeah. It's 200 episodes. Okay. Never leaves one room. Five characters all dialogue and great. That's amazing. It's the best for anyone who writes television. I feel like needs to see Barney. Is it normal year? It's not known in layer but it's same era. It's late 70s early 80s. It has that look of all the normal layers. It's uh it's this guy um uh oh my god I'm blanking on his name but a bunch of people went on to do night court after Barney Miller. Okay. Which was like a slightly sillier Barney Miller. Okay. But Barney Miller's great. And that is sort of a lost art I think. Oh absolutely. Room sitcom. I think that people give three cameras sitcoms a hard time now as being crude. Sure. But to me and no one ever agrees with me on this I feel like it's harder to do those well. Oh I think it's definitely harder to do those well. Because you don't have this cinematic humor tricks you can use with something shot more like a movie. Right. Yeah. You can't get in and get a reaction from somebody. Everything's got to be bigger. Yeah. The expectation is that there's going to be a fucking punch line every two lines of dialogue. It's more reliant on the writer. Yeah. Then then a director is medium and it seems to have moved away from that. But I think that it's part of it is that networks have made those more the family friendly dumber. True. Yeah. There's no family sick through camera sitcoms. I mean there's no three cameras sitcoms any more than aren't on the Disney Channel or on Nickelodeon. They're kids. They're for tweens. They stop being sort of well the only big bank theory I guess. There's a visible bunch because that's kind of the way the pendulum swung the last two years for new stuff and now I don't know what's going on. But I moved to Hollywood and stopped paying attention. It turns out you moved here for a writing job. Yeah. For a TV writing job. For yeah but for fashion police. Okay. Right. So you but would you want to write on a on a fiction show like that? Oh absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. That's that's definitely something I've been pursuing since I've been here. Because obviously I mean everybody would rather write for a single cam at this point because it's seems more the hip or show are going to be single. Yeah. I mean so you you do the comparative erotic fan fiction show. Right. So did that come out of a love it's mostly TV that people do it of it seems when I go. Yeah definitely. That definitely is the topic that most people do them on. Yeah. And was that. Where did you did you have a love for this stuff and want to do? Oh fuck no. Okay. No. I think it's the fact that that anybody writes sincere fan fiction is the most preposterous. Right. So you thought it was so ridiculous that we have to do it. Yeah. Yeah. A buddy of mine in Travis Vote, a comic in Seattle just wrote a piece of erotic fan fiction on the movie Cars. Okay. And used to read it at shows and usually eat shit doing it. Right. But it was more for his own. Oh for his own amusement. Yeah. And you know his premise was that well these cars all have kids and they are families so they must fuck. Something I'd have to talk about how they talk. Yeah. Yeah. It'd be funny if if cars had a fetish for people having sex inside them. Yeah. Because you don't have people do that. Sure. You can write it. There we go. But yeah that was that was kind of where that's from. But no I never had any interest in actual fan fiction. Have you ever had an addition of competitive erotic fan fiction where someone's picked like a show that you truly revere and you're almost like sad to have to sit and listen to it be. No. Just because that's usually I mean the whole it's the whole point of the. Yeah. Oh absolutely. No it's pretty I'm pretty bulletproof. I mean I've been written into enough of them that I don't know what else to put us. Right. You've just been desensitized to it. Yeah. I always wonder if you would be surprised that you had a limit to be like wait a minute. What's wrong about this? Well it hasn't happened yet. Well there's still time. There's I hope so. There's still time. I would be impressed if somebody could actually discuss me or or move me in that way. Has anyone done ahead of the class? No. It seems ripe. It's called ahead of the class. I don't know if enough people remember it that well. Maybe. Like beyond just saying head of the class. Like I remember the fat guy and he runs Nickelodeon now basically. Yeah. Yeah that fucking damn Schneider is a very wealthy man. You know I don't think Billy Connolly was stood for that. Nope. If you know but maybe we should tell Billy Connolly he could take care of it. I'd be like he could still come in and have some authority over him. Absolutely. Well it'll be boondock Saints 3. Yeah well I'd actually watch that. Yeah. So Sunday night speaking of boondock Saints it's the Lord's night. It is the Lord's night. Where are you picking at eight o'clock? You know out of desperation I went with Rock which I would have also watched out of desperation. That wasn't a bad show. I don't remember liking it that much. I remember watching it. He was a cop. Right? No no he was a garbage man. I knew there was a uniform. Yeah I've taken out garbage either way. Either way. Either way. Yeah he was a garbage man. This was really like a throwback to the Norman speaking of Norman later. He was sort of 70s Norman Lear stuff and the big gimmick about Rock uh it wasn't this season this was this was the they hadn't done them live but they switched to being alive to come every week for the final two seasons. So it had been just laugh track done in a studio? Or you mean it was? No it was taped in front of a live audience but they actually aired it live. Yeah yeah which was a huge gimmick that was really successful for them and so they do a West Coast feed and in East Coast feed they do the show twice. No shit. It was it was always interesting to do that. Nothing. I don't know anything going wrong which is the reason why a lot of people watch a live show. Right. But it was very unusual and uh and this one Rock may have one less mouth to feed after Joey really cooks at his audition to join Les McCann on tour. I don't know who Les McCann is. Les McCann was a jazz musician I think. That would make sense. But that's a real weird reference. Yeah that is not like an elder barge. Right. Who would normally show up on these kinds of shows. Right. Uh yeah you you did pass up the debut of a show that you asked me about called Man with two ends. Right. And Machine. This is a crime drama that's in the series set in the near future. LA Detective Bobby Mann. I get it. Is paired with a cyborg partner played by Yancy Butler who in the opener finds evidence implicating another cop, man's childhood pal, in murders of international steel brokers. It's gross. Sort of like almost human. Yeah. That was on this year. And obviously so reverse engineered from the name. Yes. Yes. Or I mean alien nation was pretty popular this year in Robocop to just come out. So I'm sure that they were trying to. Did alien nation have robots? No, but it was an alien cop and a human cop. And uh there was also show called uh machine man in the early 80s that was sort of very similar. But you know every couple of years they'd try to do this cop in a machine. Yeah. And it never worked. Yeah. Almost human was decent. Was it in mind that show? John Lara catch showed up on it as a villain. I'm always into that. I like the haircut. Yeah, he's never bet anything. But yeah, I this night I would have watched that. It would have been too intrigued not to watch man and machine. Yeah, in retrospect that would that would probably be the move. What's your least favorite pun TV show title that was like a really shoehorned name name? Um. It's like I'm drawing blank. You get time if you think of it later in the show. I mean I know there are a lot but uh I'm sure there's one. There's probably too many to pick from. 830 what'd you go with? Uh in living color. Was this a show you enjoyed? Yes very much. Okay. Have you rewatched it? Uh I tried to about I would say a decade ago when it probably came out on DVD for the first time. Yeah the first two seasons I think came out. Yeah. Yeah. And uh rented it and it was it was definitely it doesn't it doesn't it doesn't it doesn't it really doesn't cut close. And there's a talented cast but I think so much of this stuff is really lazy. Well they were they were doing that standard like oh this worked once let's put homie the clown in another very similar situation. Don't play that. Yeah that's the thing about homie. And you once you know he don't play that you know he's never gonna play that. He's never gonna play that. In this episode blues man Calhoun Tubbs teaches the blues to a rock star Benita Buttrill testifies in court Jimmy Swaggart played by James Kerry plugs his album and a reporter visits Anton to share the homeless experience. Oh god Anton. Yes you always had that jar of urine with it. Yeah. I was surprised they got away with on television. Yep. No. Well I think it had a single pickle floating in it. Yes. So you could make a couple different implications. It looked a little bit weird. The censors I think they're like no that's a pickle jar. Just a pickle you just ate all the pickles. Yeah. That was funny you don't really gross that way. There were things on there that were definitely funny. Yeah homie the clown once whole air. It was by far me the funniest person on that show. I mean Jim Kerry was so over the top I guess that it's hard sometimes. Yeah. In retrospect like but that I mean that shit when I was probably two years before that was was uh. That's prying stuff for a 12 year old. Right. I mean that is prime 12 year old stuff. Yeah. I will ask you an offensive main question. Let's hear it. When was the first time we saw a black person? I think I had a black classmate for the first time in junior high. That's unusual. Yeah very like like one in a pretty good size junior high. Yeah. I mean my parents had friends from out of state that would come in but they they lived in Connecticut or something. Because I really I mean I have a lot of friends from Maine and we're there a lot of comics from Maine and a lot of them legitimately didn't see an actual black person in person so they were like 25. Oh my folks had one close friend that they were like camp counselors with that I knew from the time I was born basically but I'd see them once a year. So some people were watching and living color that was like really exotic. Yeah. Yeah. I guess that. The world I don't understand. It couldn't get a father away from Maine. Yeah. I mean it was enough of a thing that everybody so it wasn't like. You didn't have MTV. I didn't have MTV but I mean I had CDs. True. The radio. True friends. Yes. So you know you wait a minute. You didn't leave me. This is why you know so much about CDs. The radio. That's what solves so much for me at that time. Game changer yeah. So you knew references to to black culture at least even if they were like the most obvious hacky you know. MC Hammer. Exactly. Right. Yeah. So nine o'clock what'd you go with? Married the children. No question. So you're sticking with Fox all night basically. All night long. This one they they lead off the description one of my least favorite words right away. Gafaz. Do they ensue? They don't ensue. Damn it. They greet. So we get the alliteration. Gafaz greet Bud's belief. That is. Yes. His 40 year old teacher wants him romantically but another student smells the smoke and wants some fire. So two students are both trying to fuck the teacher. That's what's going on. The other students play by Charlotte Ross. I don't know the name. It's a girl though. Oh so. So I'm confused as how this works. Well so she smells she wants because the teacher wants Bud then she's like into it. It could be. Did you hear about this high school in Texas where like five female teachers all banked I think the same student and got fired. No. It's the high school that Friday night lights is based on. That doesn't surprise me. Yeah. And now Laundry is wearing whipped cream then other stuff's going on there. I will assume that's a reference to Friday night lights. On my pee. And not. Yeah I think that's in the movie. Aren't you are you thinking of the one with Dawson? Yes that's one of them. I've seen that. Yes. Were they where they sit in the street and you like cars right over them. Yeah. Yeah that's the other movie. Something blue is varsity. Varsity blues. Yeah. Friday night lights I never saw. Yeah I never saw. Yeah four teachers and one other employee of the school. Not at once. I don't think so. Okay well that should be fine then. That should be totally fine. Oh yeah. So that's but they're making light of that sort of thing on married with children. Indeed. Married with children is not a show. I watched every week but I just I feel bad about it. I watch it now. I've described it this way before and people every time I mention it as this on the show I get either at least an email angry and at least an email agreeing but I've called it a poverty minstrel show before. Okay. But I've also called it pornography with the hardcore sex scenes edited out. Sure. It kind of had that sort of vibe to it. It was it was it was a dirty show and not just in the obvious like it definitely made you feel weird watching it. It was like a girl like you felt a little gross. They're all gross. Yeah and not even like a sexual way. Like just like a like an actual dirty like you went you ever go to like a really gross dollar store. Yeah. And you come out of there and even if you didn't touch anything like you kind of feel gross. Sure. That's how I would feel after watching when I heard children. Or like a friend that you didn't know was super poor growing up. Yes. And you go to his house for dinner. Yes. You're just uncomfortable the whole time. Yes. Absolutely. Or you'd go to like their birthday party. Oh yeah. And you'd get a goodie bag and you were like didn't really want that. Didn't want to take it home. You don't want the pencils that are in there. Pencils and like a used he-man. Yeah. Yeah. It was exactly that. Like a half-chewed army man. Ooh. Yeah. That is sort of the the feelings that married her children stirred up in me when I went out. Yeah. My dad loved it. My dad thought it was the funniest thing I heard. I think my Catholic said the same thing when he did this. I wasn't allowed to watch it for years. Did you have to sneak? I don't think I ever got I don't really think I had the opportunity just because of the way our house was set up. Right. But so it was like by the time I was 14 I could have been watching it. Right. I mean that show was on for so many. She's from 87 to 98. Okay. So there was there was years there that I was not allowed. Yeah. And so by by 92 I definitely would have been. Are you an only child? No. I'm an older brother. Okay. So you're older brother. Do you do a one TV in the house? Yeah. For most of and then like we had we had a second one but it was rabbit ears. Oh good. Sure. Which you could have watched Fox on. If not where I was. Oh it probably came from Portland and was difficult. Sure. Yeah. So you did you always have to watch what your brother wanted to watch? Oh yeah. A lot of fights. A lot of a lot of physical altercations about him wanting to watch Star Trek and not really watch Star Trek. Yeah. That is amazing that people got into physical altercations defending Star Trek. Well because we're brothers. Well yeah. Which is someone who's like if you let me watch Star Trek I'm a fuck you. Like that's something that really you wouldn't think ever happened. Yeah. That's a good point. That's not the Star Trek demographic point he means. Oh certainly of the day and I thought I think that this generation of kids has lost something in that they're not learning negotiating skills by having to compromise on what they're watching. Yeah like I think that's an important life skill that they're learning about either being exposed to stuff they didn't initially want to check out or having to you know make deals and they can watch whatever they want on their phone so they don't have to do that. Yeah. And in some ways that's good but in some ways that seems like they're missing out on a life skill to me. That's an inch. I never would have thought of that. That's interesting. There's definitely a million other examples of things that are you know just sharing a telephone. One house with one telephone. Yeah. I mean I don't know if you remember having to call a girl and get through her dad. Yeah man. That's hard. That's the worst. I used to have a bit about it. That is a huge piece. Yeah. Growing up as a man. Yep. And now you don't even have to you can be like let me see you too. I never even have to talk to anyone. We have to talk to them. It's a it's not it's not going to build any fucking character. No. Navigating a dad. Oh. Learning those skills. Yeah. I feel like I can like get any job I apply for after having to do that. Yeah. Because that was one of the most difficult things ever when you're 14. Absolutely. I remember calling a girl and asking her out that I had never met. How did you know her at all? We debated for different debate teams. Okay. And my friends were like oh yeah she has a crush on you. This is her phone number. Really? I called her like a psychopath. 17 or 18. Okay. How'd it go? We dated for six months or something. Was it like a psychopath that you'd met before? We hadn't met before. I mean you'd seen each other before. That's it. Were you like hey? It's still a cold call man. That's still rough. We like hey you don't remember me but I've debated you. I hadn't even debated her. I've seen you debate. I think she'd seen me debate. So yeah it was a it was a dangerous language on the phone there too if that's a bad connection. I've seen your daily debate. Right. Take her out. Right. Excuse me? Yeah. Yeah. I don't know that's that's nothing anyone's gonna ever ever have to deal with again. And that's a shame. I think we're gonna have a weaker country. No question. Yeah. No questions. They can't do the skill. Yeah. That's uh do you feel like you earned something when you when you made it to the to the girl? Absolutely. It was like a video game. It's like jumping out of a fucking airplane. Yeah. Oh yeah. I've been hung up on by dads and older brothers. Yep. I was the I did used to terrorize the kids who would call for my sister. Oh yeah. I choose in tears many times. There were definitely times when I was like no I just can't talk to her now. She's in the bathroom with the real bowel problem. That kind of stuff that you do. And her crying. How much younger is she? She's three years younger than me. That's right in that age. You know those guys too. Yeah. I'm 17 and you know they're 14. Right. I remember I used to there's a comic in Boston who I made cry one time and I don't remember doing this but apparently I used to hang around with my sister. Oh yeah. And my mom would sometimes make me drive these kids home. And I would you know I'm like a punk rock teenager. I'm like I don't want a fucking dress. So they would pay for it. And the car like I would just be brutally useless. And that was probably the worst person in my life. You know he's just 17 to 21. Sure. Of just taking out you know 17 years of anger on people. And this comic was like hey you don't remember me. And I'm like no. And he's like you made me cry when I was 14. I was like ah did I give you a ride home. Yeah. And I'm like I'm sure that I did. That's my thing man. That I didn't. I didn't know the podcast. It's a 14 year old boy's cry on the ride home. And I said probably terrifying. Absolutely. Like some 14 year olds like getting a ride home and I'm just like oh what's your deal? Yeah. You know in this car that would have. I feel really bad about it. You're exactly the kid that somebody we discussed earlier thought you were. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. So I would have gone with a crime drama movie. This was a pilot made for TV movie called Steel Justice. Steel. Okay. Is this another one? Is his name fucking Don Steel? Don Steel. I'm watching the real Don Steel. I'm watching man machine. I might as well go out. This is a futuristic police story. Oh for fuck's sake. In which a troubled big city cop and a time traveler. It gets better. A time traveler from ancient Mesopotamia. Take on a murderous dealer in illegal weapons. What the fuck. I've only heard of one of the actors in the two actors in this movie. Joan Chan just coming off of Twin Peaks. Okay. And season hubly who was married to Kurt Russell for many years. No idea. But we have Roy Brock Smith, Neil Gray, Giitone, John Fane, Garvin Funches. I've never heard of any of these people. But I'm kind of intrigued by this. A time traveler from Mesopotamia. This is made for TV. Made for TV. It was clearly this was on ABC and this was clearly as a you know a pilot film. Oh okay. Which was not a series. No. So I would again with that. It's amazing. Nine o'clock you're doing marriage shows and so you passed up silk stockings. Oh silk stockings. I just feel the need to read the episode description. I'm sure it's worth it. A homeless girl. These are all horrible puns by the way. Yeah. Absolutely. A homeless girl. Maybe a key witness in a murder case. Sexy. Yeah. Sexy times. Someone has sex with that homeless girl. There's no other way that that's a silk stockings episode. There's an ad in here for silk stockings and this is how they describe that same episode in the ad. Hot blooded passion, cold blooded crimes. When three's a crowd, somebody's number is up. Like a weird threesome reference. Yeah. One of them's homeless. Yes. When homeless is bad. Also tits and killing. Yeah. But no tits. No tits. Implied tits. Shadow. So I'm guessing at 930 you're going with Herman's head. Of course. We're going with human head. Human head. Herman's head. A show I like that still holds up. It was I haven't seen a sense but it was such a great premise. It was such a weird like let's get give another job to people from the Simpsons. Yes. Absolutely. You have a wonder crowd. Yeah. There were there was a great concept that I feel like somebody could redo and have a way more success. It was not for that long. Right. Three seasons. Okay. Yeah. Three seasons. And I think that Fox for a lot of the garbage they put out when they were like this but intentionally like they were like we're the network that does offensive crap. Sure. And people love it. And here's babes. Right. They also got through some weird stuff where they were just like yeah whatever. And so get a life came out this year and it's head. I'd fit in there in Parker Lewis and you know you got these shows that were just strange and were great but I think it was because Fox just didn't have an identity yet for better or worse. That was the biggest thing they could come up with. It wasn't a super sleazy show. I mean he had his sleazy best friend. Yeah but it was that was weird. Pretty traditional. Yeah. It was just weird and it was smart though. I mean the whole concept was smart and it was utilized very well. Yeah. And it was yeah that could be a huge thing now. I don't know why that hasn't been has been ripped off by something. Yeah. It's surprising. Everybody and it was great. Oh yeah. Absolutely. Just the character actors in that show were fantastic. The fat dudes popped up and other stuff and I can see a lot of commercials. I see a lot of commercials. But yeah. A show that is ripe for rediscovery. Absolutely. It should come up. So Monday night in my opinion the saddest night of the week as you've gone to school. You've either gone to work. You need you need something to really take you away that evening. And what are you going with? I mean Fresh Prince at eight. Well you passed up roots the next generation. Sure did. Everyone always picks Fresh Prince. We all watched it. Everybody watched it. And so this is Will and Carlton arrive as reinforcements when a bully challenges Ashley to a rumble. And there's trouble when Philip and Vivian intervene. It just sounds awful. It does sound like a pretty bad episode in that show. I mean I don't think I could sit through an episode of Fresh Prince now. It's been it's been a real long time since I've seen it. I honestly don't think that show holds up very well. Yeah. The very notion of like let's give this goofball who's only famous because he's a rapper. Yeah. A sitcom for no reason. I liked the Fresh Prince videos. And I was upset that the show wasn't more like the video. I wanted like a crazy weird Pee Wee you know Spike Lee type show. And I would have enjoyed it a lot more. Sure. I never found Will Smith that charming. Everyone seemed to just like him and everything. Yeah and into this day I don't I just could give a crap about anything that he's in. Kind of in that boat. There's a couple movies I've watched that are fine. Like Bad Boys when it came out I was 16 or whatever it was fun. Yeah. But you were probably in there for the Taylor Leone content. I don't think that I was aware of her before that film. She was in a great show called The Naked Truth on Fox which was very funny. Never saw it. In Flying Blind she did a lot of sitcoms. And she's great in flirting with Disaster. Oh yeah. I'm not sure if I've seen Flirting with that. That's a really good movie. It's Dio Russell. Okay. Ben Stiller's in it. Patricia Arquette. Mary Taylor Moore. Alan Hall. It is Ben Stiller has adopted and he goes to find his real parents. And it's very funny. Yeah I've always heard that it's great but I've never seen it. No I don't think I was aware of her before. Yeah she's in Bad Boys. I saw that movie I will admit because she was in it. I remember sneaking into that movie so I didn't even. I never got carted for anything. I've been the same height. Oh I just mean I didn't pay. Oh I didn't pay. Yeah. Oh yeah because it's an art-rated movie. The only thing I ever got busted for was trying to rent a basic instinct. Right. When did you finally see basic instinct? I've never seen basic instinct. You've still never seen it? I've seen the scene. Okay you can see it online. Yeah. Yeah. There's more than one scene in that movie though. People call it the scene but there's a lot of scenes in that movie. I remember my dad rented that one night and I got bored and he was like this movie isn't for kids and I'm like yeah it's boring. Yeah. And then I called him out on why he rented it. I was able to call him 13 and he was like this one he goes this one in a ward. And I went what award did this win and then he couldn't name it and I went yeah one in a ward. I just went upstairs. He stuck it to the. I really did. I really did. You just wanted to get a boner dad. Yeah. I know what's going on here. It's just like when you rented foxy boxing on paper. But uh so I really just got some moves. Yeah. Yeah. I remember that night he just jumped out in front of those. There's there's nothing kids. There's nothing kids get out of here. I would have gone with a 1979 made for TV movie called Diary of a Teenage Hitchhiker. Which I've seen and very much enjoy. It only gives it one star. Perfect. It says and TV guy gets bitchy on this one. They go critics give thumbs down to this lurid tale warning young women about the dangers of hitching rides and star Charlene Tilton. It is one of the best 70s scare tactic films. Oh yeah. It's great. It's it's very very amusing. That's a fun like watch it with your friends kind of movie. Yeah. Hitchhiking. What was that about? Everyone did it. Have you ever done that? Um. I don't think. Only in third world countries. Okay. Yeah. What seems normal that my mom used to hitchhike tune from work every day. It's bananas. And that was like normal to do. Yeah. I although you know what isn't like uber and that kind of stuff. Basically just electronic hitchhiking. Yeah. My friend was driving for um this is not a dark story but her mom found out she was driving for lift and was like don't don't you dare. Yeah. Like what are you crazy? That's gonna be the modern hitchhiking. I wonder in like 30 years you know when someone else is doing a podcast like this. Right. Uh remember when people did they just like strangers be in their car. Like not a cab driver. You don't have their skills. Right. You know like both sides of your crazy. Getting in that car is crazy and letting someone in your car is crazy. Yeah. It really is. Walking down the street is crazy. Maybe the basic premise is that the two things will cancel each other out. I guess. Yeah. Maybe. I very strange to me. Or you know you'll probably only get to murder one person and then let him review. Let him fight it out. Yeah. I got murdered one star. Yeah. Uh. Tempted murder. 830. What are you going with? 830. Uh I'm gonna tune into a half hour of airplane at 830. Okay. So you passed up blossom. Oh absolutely. That's not a fan of blossom two teenage girl. Yeah I didn't. I've seen it but I hated it. I always gravitated towards the teenage girl shows. Oh really? I will admit it. I don't know why. She wasn't even that good looking like it would be to do it for me. That's not why I think I really identified with their angst. Okay. I am not not proud of it. But I had a subscription to sassy magazine. Really? Yes I did. Wow. It came to me in my name. Wow. Which was funny because I got for subscribing once I got custom mailing labels. Okay. And they said miss can read on them. They must have thought I was like short for Kendall or something. So yeah. And you passed up major dad which is a pretty terrible major pilot. Yeah. Yeah. But airplane, great movie. Oh classic and I've seen it so you know it wouldn't be a big deal to watch a half hour. Yeah just sticking on and it's in that movie you can kind of check in and out. Oh absolutely. You're just there for the horrible jokes. Absolutely. Nine o'clock what'd you go with? Nine o'clock gets marked. So you passed up Roseanne. It's on at 9 30. It's an hour long. Back to back. You didn't watch part one of this because it's a repeat but the conclusion aired part too late. See I didn't look at what these episodes were. So I just went through the I just went through the grid. Oh that's why I did the grid. You're a great person. Yeah. You're a gritter. That's what we call you in the business. Got you. The gritter. I just do the gritter. I don't know. See the guys at the point if there's a hierarchy of like people who are like these are fucking grittas. This fucking gritter comes in and starts telling me what I should watch. Fuck you. You didn't read the fucking remarks. Hey gritter. Why don't you spend some time identifying what you want to watch with some forethought. And what's the term for what you for actually reading them? I'd have to come up with something. I don't know. Yeah. It's a long form person or like a doesn't that doesn't know that's not as good. Researcher. Researcher. A searcher. Gritters and searches. I can you're there's two kinds of people. It's fucking gritters and sex. So in a futuristic LA. Yeah. dystopian. There's gritters and searches. One cops a gritter. One cops a searcher. They have to work together to solve a murder. Uh sold. Sold. We just sold that show. We just sold that show. That's why you're here. Yeah. So Roseanne Arnegan is on again off again fiance Nancy who's Sandra Bernhard finally take the plunge in Vegas. But what's a wedding without Roseanne and dance? This is part one of two. So you went with part two but at nine o'clock you went with. Well we get smart but in retrospect I'm sure I would have watched both halves of that had I known. Yeah. Get smart was a great show though. Amazing show. And it was one of my favorite Nick at night show. Discoveries you know I always watch that on Nick at night. Well I'd I'd I'd might have even seen the weird I don't remember I'm sure you know what year the remake movie the first one. 1989. Get get smart again. I'd probably seen that before I ever saw get smart. Yeah and that was pretty good. Yeah I was I remember being decent. Yeah. I always liked Donna Adams. He's great. Fantastic. Tennessee tuxedo. Oh he was the voice of Tennessee tuxedo. Yeah. That was one of the first things he did. No shit. Very very funny. And what's her name? 99. Oh yes. I can't think of the actress's name but she was great in that too. Yeah I mean either one of those is a decent pick and then 930 you go with Roseanne which is the conclusion Roseanne and Dan are still snapping at each other over their second honeymoon in Vegas where even the presence of Wayne Newton doesn't improve the mood. This is one where Roseanne heckles Wayne Newton. I don't remember that. She thinks it's a Wayne Newton impersonator but it's actually Wayne Newton. Okay. It's pretty funny. It's not the best Roseanne episode. Again you're taking them out of Lanford. Lanford. I'm Lanford, Michigan. Yeah. Bitterford main. That is way up there Bitterford. Bitterford? Yeah. No. It's it's not that far up. How far is that from Boston? I used to work with this electrical supply company and they had a branching Bitterford and I had to drive up there once to teach the store manager how to download an email attachment. And it was I feel like I was in the car for like four hours. Oh yeah easily. Yeah. But like for the like that's not even you can go so much further. That's true. Hopefully we got how big Maine is. Up in paper mill. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean that was as far as I wanted to go into Maine. Yeah. I was comfortable knowing anything about Bitterford. It's a it's a very like French Canadian yeah kind of but that's that's all I know. Remember I got a good meat pie. Okay. And I made them pay for it. Good. But I literally at the guy I couldn't talk him through an email attachment on the phone and I had they made me drive up and show him how to do it. Unbelievable. Yeah. Yeah. That's the same place I worked where I wore a pink shirt one day and the boss of the company pulled me into a conference room and asked me what the hell I thought I was doing. Fucking gay. Yeah. Well I sat in a meeting where they were selling generators and this is like you know 70 year old men. Yeah. They had a legitimate conversation about quote what the faggiest hurricane was. Because they were thinking about what hurricane to name check in the ad. And they were like oh not that Bob was a fan. And they're like legitimate and they're arguing over who's hurricane was less queer that they could put in this and these are like grown men and this was a business conversation. No England man. I had to write the company rule book for a dress card. Is it no fucking faggy picture yet? No fucking pink shirt. Don't come in there looking like Jay Lassen on a day off. Exactly. I had to write the following things. They go this is our record. You forgot the following. If you have naked women tattoos please cover them. Wow. I said oh is that a problem? Yes it is. There's a lot of guys. And this don't wear competitors t-shirts or uniforms in the store. That should be a given. Yeah yeah and then I so I put that in there and they all got mad at me. They're like but they give us these for free you know they're nice. What? Yeah. Yeah. What was the company again? Oh I can't name them. I think they'll come after me. What would the what would a competing company be? Well a competing company would be like Granger. Okay. You know like they supplied it like electricians. Okay electricians go and buy like dual pole breakers. And why are they giving copper wire? Why are they giving free stuff? I am excited to get them to wear it. To get people to advertise for other stores in competitor stores. That's bananas. We had this guy once. Reels of copper wire worth like a hundred thousand dollars. Okay. Because copper is really expensive. And so they're always getting stolen. Yeah. So one guy showed up with a fake invoice and it was really fake looking. The store manager loaded his car up for him with five reels of copper wire that's half a million dollars. And he drove off and the guy didn't even get fired. What? They were like honest mistake. Oh my god. And I'm like because they were in on it right? They had to. Yeah. They had to have been. There's no way they weren't. But yeah we that place man. That's unreal. Man alive. That didn't last too long at that job. You should have found a way to work that angle man. Yeah. If you retire. Two in the copper wire theft. Yeah. Yeah. There were all kinds of theft from from oh man. I was oof. And then I made them where I eventually introduced uniforms to that store. And we were going to unveil them at the big company meeting that year. And so I was calling places to try and rent. Have you ever tried to rent mannequin parts? No. It's very difficult. And everyone you call thinks you're a pervert. Everyone. Like I called I'm like that seems like a thing because you don't want to buy a mannequin. What if you're need to display clothes for a day for a day. Yeah. And I'm like I need jimmy you know like mannequin tour sales. No we don't. And we don't rent hands and feet either. That's someone said that to me. Your mouths don't open. Okay. Like that's the next quite like I know where you're going with this and we don't do that. Oh my god. And eventually I got someone but I literally had to call like 20 places. They're like they come back coming and come once. We have to do this again. Like listen up pervert. I'm not renting you your jacked mag stuff. I'm not renting you any sort of marital aids. It was the family business. Yeah that that job. We will sell you a full girl without a head. So we will do nice and wholesome. Yeah we my wife and I always go to this flea market in New Hampshire. Okay. And this woman was selling a mannequin. And we bought it. We have a lot of weird stuff in our house. It sounds. And the mannequin was named Betty. Okay. And she goes oh my god you're buying Betty. And she wakes up her granddaughter. She's like we're getting rid of Betty. Oh you're going to be so happy. That girl goes thank you so much. Some teenagers. She's like this thing really scares me. She keeps it in my room. Oh my god. So we have to carry it. It breaks in two halves and I have the I my wife and I had maybe a five-minute debate over which end would be less embarrassing for me to carry. And so I determined it would be the bottom. Okay. Because I was like you know I might accidentally grab a boob or something. It's a naked mannequin. Sure. Turns out there was no right answer. No right answer. Because I'm carrying this thing and I have to go the whole length of this flea market in New Hampshire. I had a guy go yeah you got the right half there pal. She ain't going to be saying nothing. All you want is that bottom. You're four people saying this sort of stuff. Oh my god. It's like a gauntlet of New England's worst. Yeah exactly. Oh god. If you want to hear some hilarious things just grab a mannequin bottom and take a stroll through a flea market. Take a stroll through a flea market anywhere in New England anyway. Oh yeah. Just listen to guys like haggle of a ninja stack. Oh yeah. I had a guy once who goes what you want for this bowl. And the guy goes a dollar. And he goes I was thinking more like a nickel. And then the guy goes well you know I can't really go any lower than 25 cents and he goes I'm not interested. I'm like a doll like a dollar is nothing. Like what? Yeah we love flea markets. It's so fun to just eavesdrop. So that's a thanks. So sir we're still only on Tuesday and I'm thinking of so much of your time. No it's eight o'clock Tuesday night. What are you going? Full house I guess. You still watched it. I don't think that I did. No I just do is nothing else. There's nothing else that I think I would have watched. I was a sucker for rescue 911. Yeah never got any of those shows. Here's why I love rescue 911. Real 911 calls. Hosted by William Shatner. Yeah. Reenacted by terrible actors. How does this not a thing everyone wants to watch every day now? Yeah that's a good point. So this is a woman who is involved in a fiery accident on California road. A Knoxville Tennessee couple who trailed the suspicious vehicle they saw speeding away from a bank and a youngster in Washington who was seriously injured after crashing into a glass door. All horrible things but when you have some really low rent bad acting. Oh yeah. Acting them it's comedy genius. Suddenly yeah you got it. With Shatner narrating it. Yeah. I mean gold. Yeah. I'm surprised that hasn't gotten gotten more of like a second life on the internet. It really should. I remember it being awful but I don't think I would have appreciated just how awful it was. It's so histrionic like it's just so heady and a weighty. Yeah. Oh it's it's fantastic but full house you know it wasn't bad. This is a repeat. It's it's no picnic for Jesse when he feels the heat to read a hit for a record company. Leaving everyone in the cold when they want him to offend attended family shindig. Something that's happened. Tensions. Oh absolutely. I missed so many family shindigs when I was trying to write hits for record companies. I love that out of nowhere they're like hey we need you to write a hit for this record company. We need it tomorrow. Yeah. Guy who can't afford to live on his own. Yeah. You had to change your name back to its Greek spelling. Right. Your bug killing company didn't hit off. The rippers need a hit. Yeah. Need it. So not a bad choice. I'd not eat 30 what'd you go with. Uh eight thirty home improvement. I'm so sorry. I hate it. I hate it. It's just nothing. None of it. There's nothing on Tuesday night. It might be my worst from here. It does. It might be my second least favorite show. It's absolutely terrible. I definitely watched it when I was younger. I don't know that I would have in 1992 but maybe maybe I would have. It was it was really bad. It's it's an erasingly bad. Yeah. I really disliked him. How it's comedy. I hate everything about him now. It's the worst. I would have gone with Superman on Nickelodeon. Oh it had to go in the 1950s George Reese. Oh the George Reese gotcha. Yeah nine o'clock would you go with. Look from nine to 10 I saw Billy Crystal and that's all it says on Lifetime. I don't know what the fuck that is. So this is a 90 minute HBO produced special. Okay. It was rearing on Lifetime. Ah that's really crystal back in the USSR. It was the first English language comedy special recorded in the USSR. This is the comedian visits the USSR where he pokes fun at his Soviet ancestors local food and television. Lenin the bomb Soviet and American heroes. I don't if someone sat me down they said can read. Yeah. If you can sit here for 90 minutes and watch Billy Crystal back in the USSR. I will pay you one thousand dollars. I would say can't do it. That sounds like one of the most tedious hours and a half of television. Oh just kidding me. The fact that they're still did HBO is still producing Billy Crystal specials by the way. Well this was a world. This was all this. Oh I mean like once once he's like a one man show. I don't mind. Baseball or something. I don't mind some of his acting and I let some movies I've liked him in but I cannot stand his stand up comedy. It's so dreadful. It's everything I don't like in stand up comedy is embodied in Billy Crystal's humor. It is not my favorite. I definitely would not come with that. I would have gone with Rosanne again which is on again this week and I can get two Rosanne's ins. That's fine by me. 9.30 I would have gone with the short live show room for two. Yeah I don't know what that was. This was a sitcom about I believe a mother and a daughter had to move in together. This is Edie and Jill are barely speaking after Jill gets a mouthful from management and asked Edie to eliminate her anti-TV editorials. I don't remember that much about it but I did watch it for the short amount of time that was on and I don't remember it being terrible. Who were the co-stars? Linda Lavin and Patricia Heaton. Oh wow. There went on to everybody loves Linda Lavin. I know the name I'm not sure why. She was a big 70s actress. She was in a lot of like love boat fantasy island type stuff. She was the mom. Yes. I believe so. Memory 70s. She's the element. She sure someone will correct me from her own. Wednesday night eight o'clock. What are you going with? Go wonder yours. Amazing show. Yeah I didn't I feel like I didn't follow the entire series. I don't it was on for quite a while too wasn't it. It was it was on from 88 until 93 I believe. I think it was five or six seasons. Yeah. Oh wow. It was six seasons. It uh it always took place 20 years behind the season it was on. So the first season was in 67. Oh okay. And then the next was 68. So I think it ended in 73 I want to say. I remember uh when it first came on my parents didn't want me to watch it because as my mother put it that's that is not what the 60s were about. Oh she didn't think it was accurate. No just the family home life. What did she think the 60s were about? I don't I would have your parents grow up there. Are they from my mom's from Connecticut my dad's remained. Okay. Yeah but just you know the the father that you can't speak to him after until he's had a couple of drinks. Like she was just so upset by this poor title. But that is so I assume that's exactly what her family life was like. No okay. No she wasn't overcompensating. No definitely not. Um but yeah she was but the fact that it was like I don't know why she decided that one show was trying to speak for her whole generation. Right. Yeah it's not every family that there. And that was a pretty that showed a lot of heart. It was absolutely a pretty great show. Yeah I mean I wasn't like not allowed to watch it but she just didn't approve. Just outraged by the first episode. The dad on the show terrified me. Oh absolutely absolutely terrifying. Yep. That man was the scariest. That was like your friend's dad absolutely over their house and when the dad came home from work everyone got quiet and you're like I bet he beats the shit out. Oh yeah. You just knew like you never saw but you just knew. Yeah. And he was the one who would be like time to go home now. And you just go yeah. Don't ask any can I get a ride? Get the fuck out. Go. Yeah. Or like your friend would do something bad and you're like your dad's gonna kill you and you would leave preemptively. Right. Like I don't even want to be here when he gets home. Nothing more awkward than watching your friend get reprimanded and you're just like chilling standing there. That happened to me so many times. I remember I was over this kid Jeff Silemi's house and he was smoking in their bathroom and his dad came home and he tried to flush it and it didn't flush and his dad went in. His dad worked like some weird like double shift job. So he came home and I think he had a couple of pairs in him. Yeah. He goes in the bathroom. There's like cigarettes floating. He goes what the fuck is this? And we were like maybe 10 or 11. And he goes oh can he's been smoking in the bathroom and I went you're a liar. I wasn't smoking in the bathroom. He goes get out of my house with disrespecting it. And I'm like your son's a liar. And he was like don't you call my son a liar. And I was like you're ass. Nobody wins here. But a great chill one to yours. I absolutely love that show and I watch it every week. Yeah it's on Netflix and I feel like I need to revisit it. They're finally releasing. They've been on DVD. They couldn't clear the music rights. Oh man that's fucked up so many shows. Yeah but it was you know hit 60s hits of the day are really hard to clear the words for. I mean they're so did they clear or did they clear them? They've cleared them. Interesting. Yeah they're releasing it with all the music. That was the whole thing with the state for years. Yes. And then they just did replacements. Yeah. So not replacements. They could get the replacements. Yes. So actually Paul West River just re-recorded I can't involve. And that's all I was. So you put it in every so it's just cannibal. So in this one when his parents are away Kevin isn't exactly ready to play the house rules. What begins as a poker game with the guys ends up as a blowout party. I mean it sounds like there probably wasn't a lot of Winnie Cooper content. So I don't know. Fuck about Winnie Cooper. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah it wasn't. If you weren't I don't think I'm friends with you. Fair enough. And I'm not saying I would stop being friends with you. I just don't feel like I have any friends who were not in love with Winnie Cooper. Yeah. Yeah. I think that that makes sense. What would have to have gone wrong in your life that that's not like the girl you grow up going oh. Injury. Yeah. Absolutely. Injury. Absolutely. I grew up. Maybe you are frozen. Could be. For like 20 years it's frozen. But still age but just frozen. That's okay. I mean that's legit. Yeah. But I've heard that happens. It happens more than you would. And I think it happens a lot. Yeah. Especially now with those pits of freezing liquid. The fjords. The fjords full of liquid nitrogen. It is. It wants the government cut funding to cleanen those up. It was. It was fun. It was successful. Yeah. It really is terrible. Nobody knows about it. So 8.30 what are you going with? Uh. Doogie Hauser I guess. Just couldn't. I couldn't. I liked it again. Like probably not in 1992 but uh I was into it for a minute. Yeah. I couldn't do it. I would have gone with Davis Rules. Don't remember. Randy Quid. John in the winters. Bonnie Hunt. Oh I loved that show. Great show. For the life of me I couldn't have come up with the name of it. Great show. It was called Davis Rules. Davis Rules. Because their last names are Davis. Was it originally? Did they? That wasn't one where they changed the name was it? No. That's uh. I mean there's the Hogan. There's a bunch that had that but I think the one you're thinking of was with all the kids in the house. They changed the name to like all one family or all of us or something like that. Yeah there was a few of those. But you know this one did get a sort of revamp though. We went for two seasons. Bonnie Hunt was out of the second season as a she was not even in the first season. Okay. Maybe I'm confusing with the Bonnie Hunt show which was later. So she had several shows. She had a show called The Building which was produced by David Letterman. That was her first show. Did he not produce this one? He didn't produce this one. Okay. So she was first in a show called The Grand which was a great show. It was very much like soap. Okay. And then she was in Davis Rules and then she had The Building which she wrote and produced and starred in. Then she had The Bonnie Hunt Show which was later changed just to Bonnie which she also wrote produced and started. That's wrong. Then she had Life with Bonnie in their early 2000s and then she had the Bonnie Hunt Show, the talk show, not the Bonnie Hunt Show, the sitcom. Bonnie get it together. I love Bonnie Hunt. She's great. I don't know why nothing ever really lasted. She is she never gets brought up when people are like women in comedy. Bonnie Hunt should be the one that everyone is talking about. Yeah, that's weird. Davis Rules was great. I mean, I had never, I didn't know who Jonathan Winters was. My dad was like, "Oh, you should watch this show, John Winters." Yeah, he's really funny. Oh, Larry's. Oh, so funny. Yeah, that show was amazing. This one is engine failure and heavy fog on their fishing trip turn quality time into panic time for Gunny and Dwight who's John the Winters and Randy Quaid. This is basically them just on a boat together for the whole episode. That sounds amazing. It's pretty great. I had totally forgotten Randy Quaid was even in that. I have the whole series. That's my other hobby with TV, guys. I collect old television broadcasts. Okay. Convert them DVD. Wow. We have about 10,000 DVDs of old TV broadcasts. You're married. This is amazing. I know. How did that happen? How did that happen? And it's she seems so nice. Yeah, it boggles my mind every day. The fact that that is the case. So nine o'clock, I have to mention that Jake in the Fat Man is on. I don't know if you pick that show. I did not. But the ad says Jake in the Fat Man, but it's a picture of Nell Carter. It's just a little weird. What is going on? She's the guest star in that episode. Oh my god. And if you just look at a glance, it looks like Jake Del Carter's a Fat Man. Oh my god. Nell Carter brings down the house and helps McCabe bring in the bad guy. Yeah. It's the all singing, all dancing Jake in the Fat Man episode. You're fucking kidding me. Yeah. Jake in the Fat Man was a terrible chef. I never watched it because the ads were so terrible. It's really, really bad. It's really bad. So what did you go with? I went with an hour of Duff on MTV. Duff, remember how popular she was? Christina Duff. She was the most 90s VJ they had. Okay. Like dress with Doc Martin boots, short black hair crop hair. Oh, right. Of course. With all like totally. Yo, what's up, dude? Yeah. She was also the spokesmodel for Charlie perfume. Okay. Then she got some sort of weird autoimmune disease, had to drop out, read a book about it. Yeah. Blowing my mind. Blowing my mind. Blowing my mind's what I do about MTV VJs. I know a lot about especially 90s. Yeah. I would have checked in for an hour MTV, I think. Yeah. She was when she was in place with, uh, I Dallas. Yeah. I'm a ride Dallas. I like that Dallas. Yep. I don't, I don't, she's gorgeous. I don't have an opinion on her either way. Yeah. She was good. She didn't, she didn't bother me. So that's a good sign. Yeah, there's a good sign. Kennedy and Duff. Kennedy and Duff and you don't put my head through a plate. That's what I'm doing. So you're not watching it in 9.30 and Mike McDonald, the Canadian comic, had a special on Showtime. Mike McDonald from Mad TV? No, there's three Mike McDonald's. Jesus Christ. There's Mike McDonald Boston standup comedian. Oh, Mike McDonald, Canadian standup comedian and Mike McDonald actor sketch comedian from Mad TV. And then Michael McDonald. And Michael McDonald from the Doobie Brothers. That's insane. Yeah. There's a lot of Michael McDonald's. I probably would have gone Mr. Bean, so I didn't really love that much, but I would have watched it. Yeah, I was a sucker for any British things. I didn't actively like Mr. Bean, but I watched it. Yeah, it's just so one note. Yeah, it is. It really is. And the people that really liked it drove me crazy. Yeah, because they always have discovered it. Oh, yeah. I'm like, oh, you haven't seen Mr. Bean. Right. And I'm like, yeah, I don't know. I like the young one, man. I've seen some British stuff and Rowan Atkinson, a lot better in The Witches. That's, he's very good in that. I'm sorry. The rolled-all book made into a movie. Very dark. Very dark. Very, very good. Angelica Houston is the villain in it, in a very Angelica Houston-ish role. That sounds very interesting. She's a witch that's trying to change all the children of the world into mice, so that they can eat them. Oh, yeah. It's really good. Wait, was that, that's not the one with Bette Midler, is it? No, that is Hocus Pocus. Yeah. So, Hocus Pocus was shot in Salem, Mass. No shit. Around this time, when I was a kid and I, we would go and watch them shoot it. Oh, wow. Kathy De Jimmy, Sarah Jessica Parker. That's right. Yeah, that was, that was a pretty good movie. I don't know if I ever saw it. It's not bad. It's not a bad movie, but The Witches is much, much better. Much, much better. I remember the book, but I don't. Yeah, it's good. It might be the best rolled-all adaptation. Yeah. It's hard to do because everybody forgets how dark those rolled-all things were. They really, then when you try to make a movie, yeah. They keep the darkness in it. Yeah. Yeah, really good movie. Like, I don't think James and the Giant Peach had his parents getting eaten by a rhinoceros. Yes, no. But The Witches stays true to the book. If you're looking for a Netflix pick, The Witches. Thursday night, eight o'clock, what are you going with? Thursday, I mean, Simpsons, I'm not fucking retarded. Like, what are you- You're not going with Cosby? Fuck no. All right. This one is, so Cosby's a rerun, so I probably wouldn't go with Cosby that night, but Cliff instructs a for men-only class at the community center and on the Simpsons, it's first run. So, I'm definitely going with The Simpsons. Selma's on Cloud Nine, but Bart Fier is a Cloudburst when his aunt becomes engaged to sideshow Bob. This is the Cape Fear parody. This is also the one with the rake scene, which is one of the- With the rake after rake after rake hitting- Oh, God, yeah, yeah. This is a quintessential Simpsons. Well, this is the sweet spot, man, 1992. Absolutely. That's the unstoppable best fucking comedy of all time. When did you check out from The Simpsons? Everyone has a cut-off date. It was- I can tell you the moment in the episode, there was a boy band in town. Okay. And the millhouse and Bart went to go see them, and the second somebody on the stage dropped a mic, and it rolled over to Bart, and he picked it up. And it was like this moment where Bart's about to get on stage with a boy band, and I fucking leapt for my remote and never watched this. That's for '99. I lived in Seattle, so it was after 2000, but yeah, right around there. Yeah, that was terrible. It was one of the worst moments of my life. That's terrible. And you know what sucks is I went to a table read last year, and the episode was fucking hilarious. But it just didn't translate. Did that- I've never seen it. No, no, I went to a table read about a new episode. It wasn't like a- It was great. It had a Tamako reference. Yeah, they've definitely come back around. I mean, I had checked out of that show around 2000 as well, and then actually we were both in Bridgestone last year. They showed an episode about Portland from last season, and it was really funny. Oh, they handled the writers out there. Yeah, they had the writers. It was great. I got to get another shot, because it's definitely- So I'd like to watch again too, but I just haven't- Yeah. Just haven't for whatever reason. It was a Bill Odenkirk episode. Yes, yes, Bill Odenkirk. Always funny. Future Rema stuff he did was great. Oh yeah, I could never get into Future Rema. I couldn't- I didn't when it was on, but I have in the last few years. Since it's been airing on Cartoon Network, I really like that show. Yeah. And I think from what I've seen when the Simpsons got bad, Future Rema got good. Oh, okay. It was kind of- I think a lot of maybe the writers migrated over there. I don't know what happened, but there's some good stuff from Future Rema. Interesting. So 8.30, what are you going with? Drexel's class. Drexel's class. Dabney Coleman. Dabney Coleman. His third TV series. Previous one was Buffalo Bill, which was a pretty good series. Then he had the Slap Maxwell story, and then Drexel's class. So this was basically head of the class with Dabney Coleman. Dabney Coleman. AJ Langer from My Soul Called Life was in it, and the people under the stairs. Oh wow. No, she was re-an. A My Soul Called Life, if you watched that. I did not. I tried- I watched one episode in it. Just reminded me of every girl that drove me up a wall in high school. Yeah, I could see that. I would have been that girl that drew you. I love that show. So this is Drexel, can't stomach it, when Melissa fed up with his distrust, moves in with Slash, played by Phil Buckman. Giovanni Rabisi was in the show. Wow. I don't remember that at all. Yeah. It wasn't a bad show. It was fairly harmless. It was almost like a more edgy hangover with Mr. Cooper. Sure. Absolutely. Yeah. In fact, in my head, I definitely like good morning Miss Bliss, hanging with Mr. Cooper, Drexel's class. I don't really remember any of them, but- Do you ever see Mr. Rhodes, Tom Rhodes's show? No. Same. Head of the class, Tom Rhodes. There's- Wow. There's Mr. Rhodes. They've just done this so many times. Yeah. Yeah. It's- It's never worked. I mean, it's all just Mr. Carter over. Which is a show I can't stand. Yeah, it never really did it for me. But that seems to be their go-to for like very big characters or stand-ups. Yeah. Pretty old teacher with kids. Just put it in front of an audience. It's a class. It's never good. It's so easy. Nine o'clock. Nine o'clock with cheers. Yeah. Come on. I've still- So there's two theories that I have developed over the years and have been reinforced with this podcast. First one being everyone who got the TV week out of the newspaper instead of buying the TV guide. Yeah. Had a toaster oven in their house. Yet to be disproven. Every single case. That is- There'll be people who- Correct in my case. You got the TV week? TV week toaster oven. Yeah. I have no idea why these two things go good. People will be like, "I didn't get TV guide." I was like, "Would you cook in your toaster oven?" And they're like, "Holy shit." I have no idea why this was always- Wow. Okay. That and I've never met a single person who doesn't like cheers. How could you stomach a human being that doesn't like cheers? That's what I'm thinking. Like it's- It's a perfect fucking show. Everybody likes cheers. Yeah. Everybody. Yeah. And for years, I thought it was just because I grew up in that area. I used to go buy the actual place. Right. I knew basically all those characters going out. But the more people I've met from not Boston, everybody loves it. Yeah. I went back and started because it's all in Netflix or it was recently. And I went back and started crushing episodes. It holds up, man. From the get go. I mean, there's a few duds, but man, it's so good. And it was on for what? 12 years? Yeah. Yeah. So fucking good. From the first episode is good. I mean- First episode's great. It gets better later. Yeah. But it starts right out of the gate. Great. Yep. I prefer Shelly Long. Yeah. Definitely. Who I thought was very attractive. Yeah. Had a huge crush on her. I don't remember her. I think I was too young for her to have really done it for me. But she was definitely a more interesting character than Rebecca. Rebecca was sassy and whatever. But I don't know. Shelly was different. I liked- I liked later with Rebecca where they decided they were just going to write her as a complete and sane person. That's true. Really? Yeah. She really loved the rails. They made her be this just absolute maniac. Yeah. In a very believable way. Yeah. Definitely. Just her veneer of sanity and crumble. Yeah. She got- She was the nuttiest person on that show. Stop being the voice of reason. Yeah. That's a show that managed to go through a lot of cast changes and still be good. Yeah. Or even get better. Yeah. I mean, as much as I love coach, I think that Woody was a better character. Yeah. Yeah. And you know, like Barney Miller, they replaced Abe Vigoda who was for his own sitcom, Fish, and the show got better. They replaced him with Steve Laddisberg, who was even better. Yeah. And well, Mash, I like both. Yeah. Sometimes it happens. Sometimes it happens where the show improves. Or they're both equally good. Yeah. I don't think often, but sometimes. So I always watch cheers. I definitely go to watch that. Although I will mention on Discovery Channel, my absolute favorite Australian technology show, Beyond 2000, was on, which I really enjoyed. The Fox did a version called Beyond Tomorrow, and this was compiling baseball statistics by computer. OK. I always love visions of the future type shows. Yeah. And I'll watch computers with a computer and baseball. 930, what'd you go with? Wings. Love wings. Yeah. I think it's great. My top 390 sitcoms. Oh, yeah. Our wings mad about you and news radio. So we're we're not counting the Simpsons. No, I always think the Simpsons is sort of not even a sick. It's almost like its home thing. OK. But I think that those three shows are better than Seinfeld. I don't, but wait, you said wings news radio news radio mad about you. So you're not getting cheers? No, I'm sure you had ended in 92. That was the last year? Yeah, no, it was last year. Yeah, I kind of don't count that as like shows that started in the 90s. News radio is phenomenal. Yeah. That show was so fucking funny and every character was incredible. Yeah. I mean, Seinfeld's probably still my favorite. But I feel like it doesn't. It seems really dated to me. Oh, not me, man. When I try to watch it, I'll enjoy it, but I still can't. I don't know what it is. I also, you know, the characters aren't likeable, which is what made that show great. Right. But it doesn't. It makes it harder for me to rewatch. Oh, that's wings. I love the characters on the show. Even Roy, who's just like a just an irredeemable sleeve. Man, there's a scene in one episode that I'm still to this day. My mind is blown where they all got stuck in a hotel for some reason. And Roy goes into the bathroom and you hear what is very clearly a vibrator. Yeah. And the rest of them just stand around looking each other while everybody laughs for like a full minute. Yeah. And then he comes out and he just goes, don't look at me like that. I know what I need to do to get to sleep at night. Yeah, that's hilarious. It's amazing. Yeah. And it doesn't even make sense. Yeah. Like Roy, just one of the bathroom and crammed a vibrator up his ass for a minute. Go to sleep. To go to sleep. Yeah, sure. Yeah. And just looked like just the sleazy. Oh, amazing. Kid touching van driving weirdo. Yeah. I mean, I don't remember seeing him in anything before, after that show. Beats the hell out of me. Yeah. Wings, I feel like is right for a resurgence. I met Tim Daly and I wanted to bring that up. Oh, man. scene, but it wasn't like he wasn't super cool. Really? Yeah. Yeah. He was my favorite Superman. He was Superman on the Mid 90s animated series and was great. Oh, he voiced him right. I didn't know that. Yeah. I had to write interview questions for him. And that was the only reason I ever heard of him. He was in one of the best worst movies ever. A movie called Spellbinder with Kelly Preston, where he is seduced by a witch. And it's like an erotic thriller. Okay. And if you didn't like him. Yeah. You should rent that. You'll really enjoy it. I didn't, you know, I didn't hate him. He just seemed a little fucking aloof. Yeah. And he had his son with him who was not his son was on the office. Okay. And they were like working on a web series together. It was absolutely dreadful. He wasn't like a straight up thing. That was fun and very charming. He seems like absolutely like a, and he's great on the way. So you, which brother did you prefer on wings? Oh, yeah, Dan, whatever. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, for sure. Yeah. That dude. I mean, he was the, he was why I watched that show for sure. Yeah. He was funny. But he seemed like a real character to instead of just like, I'm, I'm styles from Teen Wolf. Like it wasn't that far. Right. He was great show. Yeah. He was amazing. And seeing him in a party down a couple of years ago was, yes, a man playing himself, a version of himself, right? And no, he was no, he was a mobster. Oh, that's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. Yes. Yes. Yes. And he's totally very dead. He's a good actor. He is a good actor. You know, what he's really great in and this, this, nobody loves this. The TV remake of the shining. That's what I heard, though. Stephen King liked it better. Well, well, the Kubrick movie is a terrible Stephen King adaption. Right. But it's a great Stanley Kubrick movie. Right. But it's nothing like the book. It's I never read that so I've always heard it. Yeah. Well, the big problem is that you know that Nicholson's insane from the first scene. Yeah. And the whole point of the book is, you know, can a place infect you with evil? Right. You know, our place is evil and can sort of taint you. Yeah. And so the the transformation of this sky was an alcoholic and SMN are demons, but is essentially a good guy into a monster. Right. Is the whole compelling thing about that book. And they just completely just miss it. Shut it. Yes. And in in Webber is a great person to do that because he can be very likable. Right. But like that scene and party down. Yeah. He can be chilling. Yeah. He's a good actor. Absolutely. That that switch is is something not everyone can do. So more people shouldn't check that out. It's yeah. I've always heard that just never caught it. So Friday night, final night, eight o'clock, tough night. Yeah. A lot of garbage. Tough night. Eight o'clock, one with Family Matters. Show I hate. It's a piece of shit. Yeah. It's a real piece of shit. And by this time it was the Oracle show. Yeah. Absolutely. And then I imagine the show comes up on erotic fanfiction just too much. It's band. It's band. It's just too much. Yeah. Is that what one of those shows are banded? They're like, Oh, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Lord of the Rings, Family Matters Perfect, Strangers Full, House Star Wars, Star Trek, Guy Fieri, Alf, breakfast cereal mascots, and fast food mascots. Wow. Wow. I got solid list. Solid list. I think that those should have all probably been banned from the get go. Yeah. I mean, you know, you're going to have you're going to have a few of those. I mean, there's there's great examples of all of those, which is the main reason that they're banned. They've been done. Yeah. You can't do it. You're not going to do a better Family Matters than Kyle Canane. Right. Like basically anything or actually two of those are Kyle fast food mascots. Like after that, he's the fiction killer. He's the fiction killer. Yeah. Absolutely. You go down and it's done. Yeah. Done and dusted. Yeah. So this episode, Eddie makes a deal with Erkel in order to get a date with a sexy student in need of tutoring and Rachel meets Mr. Wright. Oh, fuck this stupid. That is a terrible show. Let's just talk about how she's a porn star now. Like that's the only interesting thing. Well, she only makes one pornographic movie. Yeah. Just only make you a star. We just don't have a term for it. Porn actress. Down on their luck. Yeah. Sad case. Yeah, especially since she was sent to her room and never came back. Yeah. Yeah. That's what she was doing in her room. Is he in there? Like the picture. So I made have gone with the show Tequila and Bonetti, which was an hour long crime drama. Charles Rocket was in this. What? Yes. Charles Rocket. In a drama. Yeah. He was in a lot of drama. He was in like a headroom. He was in moonlighting. The moonlighting was like. Yeah. But he, yeah. Oh, yeah. But he, he popped up in a lot of stuff. Charles Rocket is a guy that I think got a bum rap. I think that he was funny on SNL and then it was really funny. And he people think of him as like a Craig. What was the guy that used to host the Killborn? Killborn type guy. Like a jockey waspie. I don't see that at all. You always seem very nebiscian. But that's how people see him. But he was actually, he went to RISD with talking heads. He was a punk rock guy. He had this weird punk rock band. And the way he got hired for SNL was a lot like how Fred Armisen made it actually. He went and did these on his own as like an art project made these men on the street interviews. Oh, okay. And so just says like a fuck out like a weird subversive thing. And he got hired by a regular news station as a sports reporter because of these subversive men on the street things. And then they hired him for SNL. That's bananas. And so he had this weird life where he was playing in all these bands and doing so. And he was always great in everything I saw him and he was cast very well. Yeah. As sort of the smarmy jerk. Yeah. And then had just one of the most tragic endings of a human being I've ever heard. I don't even know why. So he got fired from SNL because he swore. Oh, okay. He swore in the air. They were doing who shot JR parody. Okay. And he thought and the good nights at the end of the night he thought they were already out. And they said, how do you feel? And he goes, I'd like no fucking did it. And he got fired. Oh, wow. And so, you know, then he got a bunch of great roles and shows for years and in 19 maybe late 90s, early 2000s from Providence, Rhode Island. He went to a field and cut his own throat. Jesus. Yeah. I had no idea. Yeah. I mean, that's a pretty hardcore way of killing yourself as well. That's a few people go that route. Yeah. I could think of only a handful. I didn't even know he was dead much less a suicide. Yeah. That's unbelievable. So he was in the show. It was kind of a fun light sort of weird cop drama, but Terry Funk, wrestler, Terry Funk was in this episode. No idea. As a Newzio and Mariska Hagerty was in it, Jack Scalia. You know, it's a it's a fun show. She has names of all time. Well, she's Jane Mansfield's daughter. Is she? Yeah. And if you if you look at her with Blonde, she looks identical, identical to her. It's really. Oh, weird. I know that. Yeah. So this one is a Benetti's mother plays a welcome, if unexpected visit, but Mamma Mia, does she have to date midnight? What's more, the fish version she used to date won't let her off the hook? What? What is this? What is this? What is going on? I don't know who wrote that. I don't know who wrote that. Fuck whoever wrote that. Fuck that show. Yeah. My goal is to find someone who worked at TV got him wrote the synopsis. So I will find them. I have so many questions. 830, I'm guessing you went step by step. Yeah, just had a crush on those girls, man. All of them? Cute. I don't remember who the fuck any of them were. Well, you have the one Stacey Keenan was really the middle daughter. She was the one with the career before step by step. Right. She was on my two dads. Yes. The most likable one on that show. Yeah, I watched my two dads. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Such a sleazy show step by step. Was it? I don't remember it that well. A lot of sex shows, a lot of parent sex in Orlando. Yeah, I was used properly. An answering machine can be a lifesaver, but Karen doesn't get the message. And as a result, neither does Frank. I don't even know what that means. I have no idea. Yeah, that I'm not watching that. I'm still watching to kill him. You're not even flipping out. Nine o'clock. What'd you pick? What with dinosaurs? Great show. It was a fucking amazing show. It makes no sense how good show that of a show that I cannot believe what they got away with on that show. Yep. Such a subversive left wing. So weird. Anti-corporation. Anti-human show. Yeah. We're fucking everything up, everybody. Yep. And we're all wrong. Yep. And the puppetry was all so well done. It was just a great show. Amazing. A show that will never get made again. No. Nothing will come close to doing what they did. Absolutely not. I can't believe they got made in the first place and went for three seasons. Yeah. On a major Disney owned corporation who just saw the not the mama and were like perfect. Catchphrase. Yeah. But it was at 930 at 9 o'clock. 9 o'clock at 9. It wasn't like that's obviously a children's show written all over it. Not a children's show. Yeah. No. Not at all. And there are people I know that are very disturbed by the final episode. Oh, I don't remember it. Did they all freeze the death? Oh, yeah. It's me. It's well dinosaur made ice age due to pollution. Right. And everybody freezes to death. Right. And I think the last line is the baby saying are we going to die? And the dad goes, I don't know, buddy. And that just pulls off. It's no pun intended. Yeah. 930, what'd you go with? Uh, going to catch a half hour Uncle Buck, my friend. That's a good move. Yeah. You passed up baby talk. Yeah. Movie based on look who's talking. Right. This is the second season where they re-jigged it and Scott Bayo was on the show. You owe Jesus. Yeah. Terrible show. I think I'd go with the Uncle Buck as well. Yeah. It's a great John Hughes movie. Who doesn't like Uncle Buck? Uncle Buck's amazing. The TV series wasn't that bad either. I don't remember that. Uh, Kevin, you need to play Uncle Buck. Really? Yeah. Was he like a mental patient? No. He wasn't. No, it was. That was his catchphrase. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Your pants get that pussy off your face. Yeah. No, he was very un-Kevin Mimi-like. No kidding. He was, uh, but put his own spin on it. There was, John used that a bunch of movies turned into TV series, like three or four. Really? Uh, there was weird science. Had no idea. USA Network did weird science, which was actually a really good show. Ferris Bueller, which was terrible. Terrible. And that was almost like a rip off of a rip off, because Parker Lewis was so Ferris Bueller. So much better. But a way better show. So much better. And then they made Ferris Bueller the TV show after Parker Lewis. Well, they premiered the same week. Oh, was it the same week? Yeah. But the Ferris Bueller was announced before. Okay. They rushed it into production. Jennifer Aniston was on Ferris Bueller as well. What's your life? Yeah. It was one of her first TV roles. And then, um, I don't even remember who played Ferris. It was, uh, Charlie Slater, who was in 18 again with, uh, George Burns. George Burns. Yeah, he, when those movies were getting made. Yeah. So finally, Brian, as you know, TV guide is not just informative. It does opinions. It cheers in the jeers. So I will read you the cheers and jeers from this week or 1992 and see if you agree or disagree. We start with the cheers. It was a cheers every week. To American movie classics, Cable's celluloid hero AMC, which was always presented Hollywood's finest uncut, uncolorized and uninterrupted, recently went one better with its letterbox premiere of the 1960 epic Spartacus. I got no opinion on that. Yeah. I mean, that's just what they should have been doing all right as American movie classics. It's so weird that that was ever a network that only old people watch actual American movie classics as is the hippest, yeah, most ridiculously well respected shows moving worrying HBO. Yeah. Yeah. So weird jeers to second class, second seasons mid term is when networks roll out their more intriguing fair, think moonlighting wonder years twin peaks in Seinfeld. But this year, it's brought a batch of shows almost beneath comment. Well, first example, tequila and bananas, cops in slobber, nightmare cafe, dream on fish police, somebody call Mrs. Paul, scorch, half baked elf, hearts are wild, hotel hell, capital critters botched botch go. Wait, scorched wasn't that wasn't that Jeff Dunham? Yes. Oh my god. It was a it was a dragon. It was off with a dragon. Yeah, awful. Totally forgot about it. I like nightmare cafe, I will say. I don't know what any of these shows are except now where cafe was written and produced by Wes Craven. It was like a hard anthology series. Oh, okay. Yeah, I was kind of told it's only it wasn't bad. Fish police was actually kind of cool. What the fuck is fish police? Fish police was an animated series based on an underground comic book called fish police. Okay. And it was an adult animated it was almost like heavy metal. Oh, was this on? It was on ABC. Weird. It was a weird show. It didn't last very long, but it was actually a pretty good show. My wife had a quote where I got this in a trade and converted it. And she's like, what are you watching? I'm like, fish police. And she goes, man, look at those fish. Any police in there. I was like, yeah, I can't watch this anymore. Little the show. So swiftly and accurately. Yeah. I might agree with that that year. I mean, I can't defend any of those shows. No, I don't think it's possible. I don't know what any of them are. Then we have a cheer to an opportunity for viewers to make their two cents count a new segment on the PBS financial series Adam Smith called bite back. In this video version of letters to the editor, viewers are invited to pick up their camcorder and tape 60 second responses to the question, how would you solve the problems plaguing the US? If you were president. Oh, God, that sounds brutal. This is the results are more of an America's serious home video. They put internet comments on TV before it was. And at that point, it was people who are wealthy enough to own a camcorder. So they're even less people you want to hear from. Oh, brutal. Those I bet those would be amazing to watch now. Yeah, I'd like to check those out now. I don't even know what that show was. I don't either. It's a financial show on PBS. I definitely wasn't watching that. Yeah. So finally, cheers to the Nashville network. Already, I don't agree. Don't agree. For realising that timing is everything. Crooked Chase, TNN's nightly entertainment magazine with a rain crook and Charlie Chase, has been expanded from 30 to 60 minutes and gone live, allowing for more news, more interviews, and more schmooze from country zone CNC music factory. Oh, what? What the fuck is going on? Crooked Chase. Yeah, the country's CNC music factory. Everyone calls him that. But Crooked Chase, we're not a musical act, right? No, hosted a talk about country music. Yeah. How are you calling it? That's the worst writing. I just pictured some bumpkin with a bumper sticker that said, "On the CNC music factory, I like a Crooked Chase." Yeah. I remember being so uncomfortable by the very notion of country music. Yeah. As a kid, I would have never watched a goddamn thing. Me either, and that became, the Nashville network became whatever's out now. Spike. Became Spike? Yeah, it was TNN and then it became Spike. Oh, I was thinking of whatever the hell it was. G4? Now, the country station that exists today. Oh, TCM, the country network. Is that what it is? Yeah, there's TNN. Yeah, there's a couple of other, I don't know. But Nashville network turned into like, I think it was Spike. Oh, that's bizarre. Yeah. Yeah, I just remember seeing those. I remember seeing that listening. There's no way I ever saw a second of that show. It's all Crooked Chase. It was always in there. It was just a thing you didn't. There was one show I did used to watch on the Nashville network, and it was called Dance Party. And it was just the hiciest Hicks line dancing. And it was hypnotically. It was like Club MTV. Okay. But for John from the real world. John Brennan. It was just picture a room of 200 John Brennan's in a Club MTV. That's how entertaining that was. True story. It was that fantastic. Gross. Yeah. Well, Brian, thank you so much for doing that. Yeah, man. Thank you. There you go. That was Brian Cook, the impresario of competitive erotic fan fiction. Also very funny stand-up. Definitely go see him, erotic fan fiction tours all around, just almost every single comedy festival in the country. So you probably will be able to see him at some point in a town near you. I will put all the links up to all his social media stuff on tvguidenscounselert.com. You can also email me at tvguidenscounselert@gmail.com or kennanikenread.com. Go to our Facebook page as usual. And we'll see you again next time on an all new episode of TV Guidens Council. Someone has sex with that homeless girl, but no tits. Implied tits. Human head.
