TV Guidance Counselor
TV Guidance Counselor Episode 40: Abbey Londer
[music] Hello! Happy Wednesday everybody! It is Wednesday, as I said, and it is time for an all-new episode of TV guidance counselor. My guest this week is an amazing human being. It is Abby Lander. She is a stand-up comedian, although it doesn't really perform too often these days. She is more working as a producer these days. She works for KCRW out in Los Angeles, and also is the creator, executive producer, and sort of one woman show behind the Riot LA Comedy Festival, which will be happening for the third time in January this year. If you have the means to get there, I recommend you go. I've been to a lot of festivals. I've been lucky to do a lot of festivals, and it is by far my all-time favorite festival, and you will do yourself a huge favor by going to that festival. It's a lot of fun. She is a fascinating person. She might have one of the craziest life stories I've ever heard, which if you know me at all is saying a lot. We get into some of that in this episode. She's a great person and very funny and very interesting, so please enjoy this week's episode with my guest, Abby Londer. Miss Abby Londer, how are you? I'm good. Thank you so much for doing the show. Of course. Welcome to your own home. Thank you. This is normally what I have. Well, thank you. It is quite a home. It really is. It's the second podcast I've done here. Oh, really? What are you talking about? You've been in my house before? You didn't even know. Yeah, I've been having people over here all week. The place is spotless, so really, I don't mind. Yeah. Ahmed did one the other day. I didn't want to turn him in, but it was him. Yeah, he wasn't me. I knew it. Yeah. One week of vampire, I can come in a home until I'm invited, so I wanted to make sure I could get that out of the way first, just in case, because I had a tight schedule to keep. I understand. So you picked a TV guide from October 28, 1995. Actually, Halloween week, surprisingly, although I don't know if that factored in. What drew you to this particular issue? Is it Fergie on the cover? You know what wasn't Fergie on the cover. It was when I flipped all the way to the back, and I found a boy meets world ad. Okay, so you're a big boy meets world fan? It was. It was a huge boy meets world fan. Have you seen girl meets world? You don't want to have it yet, but I heard it's actually not that bad. Really? I haven't seen it either, but I'm expecting it to be terrible. Yeah. Maybe that's why people think it's not that bad, because I don't think anyone expects to be good. Is it still on the Disney channel? I believe so, yeah. It's funny, because like to paint to panga, like a GQ maximum at our spread, and I was like, if this is still on the Disney channel, this is kind of questionable. Disney knows what they got. Disney probably owns Maxim at this point. There's like two companies that own every single company on Earth, so I wouldn't be surprised that they own that. So oddly, normally Halloween week issues, they really advertise it's Halloween week. This one's just like Fergie on the cover, which is very weird. Well, maybe Halloween was the... I don't know. Fergie's pretty scary looking, to be honest. We're not talking black eyed peas, Fergie. We're talking royalty Fergie. Yeah. Yeah. She always terrified me. She's pretty terrifying looking. Also, she's doing a very glamour shot. She has the very unnatural pose of leather jacket holding on to the collar, which I've never seen anyone hold on to their own collar. Well, I'm just not looking at the... Yeah. That's really terrifying. It's also like so unnatural. Yeah. For whatever reason for me, whenever I hear the word duchess, I think evil, and whenever I hear the word princess, I think like, you know, adorable and saves the world. But duchess to me is like evil. Here's my question. Now, we're talking about TV Guide television. What do this Fergie have to do with television? It's a great question. Do you remember her series, The Duchess? That was known forever. Yeah. That is not appropriate for me yet. But let's jump right in. So Saturday night at 8 o'clock, no, I should mention you grew up in the Detroit area. I did. So you were on Central Time. So primetime went from 7 to 9 for you. Yeah. Which always made me jealous because it meant you got to watch the 10 o'clock show at 9 and you got more TV in before. More TV time. Yeah. Totally not fair. Yeah. No, it was like, I had a... I don't think I had a very strict regimen about what shows I would watch except for TGI Fridays, where it was like, boy meets were all... Yeah. ABC did an amazing job of branding and night. It was, I mean, you have like, mostly TV on NBC on Thursdays, but like, just making kids feel like they had to watch that whole two-hour block, no matter what garbage they threw in in between the shows. Everybody actually liked if they showed mego, or you wish, or Teen Angel, or whatever. Aliens in the family, whatever weird show was in between kids would still watch it because it's like, it's TGI-F, I have to watch it. I have to watch it, yeah. Which was pretty brilliant. Did you have like, a set bedtime, or like, did your dad say like, you can only watch an hour of TV at night, or anything? So it was interesting because when I, in this specific year, my whole life had changed. Like, my mom passed away in like September of '95. No, that's okay. But so I ended up, my dad was we'll get there, but like, my dad is like a sort of a reckless human being. And it was like, "Oh, I don't know how to take care of it." But I was like nine at the time. So I went and just like, lived with this other family. Okay. And they had two daughters. One was younger, one was older, and we all slept in one bedroom, like three of us. But I remember we all watched like, that whole TGI Friday light up together. But we were only, I think, if my memory serves me right, we were put to bed at a certain time. And I believe that time was like 839ishish. Right. Okay. And was there a TV in that bedroom you all shared, or was it just one in the living room? No. It was just one in the living room. Okay. So you guys couldn't sneak. We could not sneak and watch TV now. But I only lived there for four years, and then I moved to another place where I could watch TV whenever, and then I went to another place where it was like, again, whatever. But from like nine until like 12 or 13, it was a pretty regimented schedule. So this is right in the sweet spot of the one time you had rules around how much television you could watch, basically, because you had a set bedtime. Yeah. So I wonder if some of this stuff would stick with you more because you weren't allowed to watch later or earlier than that. So you probably sort of cherished what you had more at that point. Totally. And I was also forced. The family they lived with was, they were fine, but the mother was like super evil. And so I was, she did not just. She actually it was for you guys. But she was like, whatever she wanted to watch during the day was what we had to watch. So so so for sure General Hospital had to watch all the time. And then of course I got invested in the characters because it was what I lived for at that point to escape from reality. And then she would also, I think it was it was primarily just General Hospital. And then we would get to watch whatever we wanted later on at night. And her husband Randy, who I really like. Oh, I know Randy. You know, Randy, right? Like mustache, coat bottle glasses. Yeah, Randy. He was like the nice guy in the family. And she just like would beat him down. It was it was so horrible to watch, but he really liked me. But he would always watch hockey at night. So it was either like, which is like soap opera for men. Or you know what I mean? And I like like, I like hockey. I was raised on it. So it was totally fine. Yeah. Red wings. Was that the game? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know anything about sports. I only know that it's Red Wings. Oh, really? I mean, I pretty much only know stuff about hockey. And even now, I'm like embarrassed because I don't think I could name a single player. You mean you only know stuff about hockey and related to sports or just in general? Just in general. I only know hockey stats. It's really useful. You know what I mean? I go for a job interview and they're like, tell us about your skills and you're just like hockey. That's it. You can play it? No, I just know about it. No, I just know about it. Let me tell you about the thing. It's called a puck. Fun fact. There's a stick. So let's jump into eight o'clock. What are you going with on Saturday? A home improvement was a huge, huge thing for us because also I'm from Detroit. And like everybody loved him. Alan, man, people went crazy for Tim Allen in Michigan. I always wonder this. I really dislike Tim Allen. Oh, yeah. Just extremely understand. Oh, yeah. That was like a bad person. That was the thing that he used to do on that show. And Randy would always do the noise. Yeah. I imagine a lot of her home improvement. A lot of dads did their own Tim Allen impersonation. And thought they were like the only ones that did it. Or the ones that did it the best. I'm pretty good at it. I might try to get to America's funniest home people. But America's funniest people doing my Tim Allen. Loved me some home improvement. And Jill, Jill was such a bitch. She was really, yeah. She had that seven twang. Oh, and I had a huge cross-on-drop like, oh my god. You're in the age group. I mean, there's like a four-year age group where all women of Oh, yeah. I had a JTT poster. Did you have it in your locker? Like, I didn't know. I didn't have anything like that in my locker now. Where did you get the JTT poster? Was it in like, it was a hand me down. Okay. It was a hand me down. Yeah. That's a weird thing. I'm not into this guy anymore. So maybe you would like it. So you can have it. I was like, I want the poster, boys. Can you imagine if that was done with people who weren't famous? Like some, some older sister was like, I'm not dating this guy anymore. And I have all these pictures of him. He's kind of cute. You can have the pictures if you want. And I just blasted them to the ceiling like, laid it way. I'll make a collage. So I, home improvement really was off-putting to me. Oh, yeah. I don't know. I just couldn't. I just couldn't do it. Something about it was just so, it seemed really so there. And even though it was in Detroit, I don't understand why. Oh, yeah. I mean, it was like a NASCAR thing maybe? Oh, yeah, but he could like make anything. That's true. And then he had his television show. And like, his kids were always like, not like getting in the way of it. It was great. It was such a brilliant story. Oh, no. Have you, have you re-watched it since? You know, I, I don't think I have. Yeah, yeah. It's pretty bad, right? I did like when they would have, um, his arch-rival, uh, oh my god, I'm, uh, Bauvilla. Bauvilla would do a guest appearance. I would make sure that I watched home improvement. And I, Bauvilla's from Massachusetts. What about, what always he really? Yeah, because he's to do this show called This Old House, which was produced in New England. And so I had this weird string of run-ins with Bauvilla for like a couple of months. So I lived in England for a while and I was flying home and I'm sitting in the airport lounge and the money, my boss stones were on the plane with me who I kind of knew. So they were like, what the hell are you doing here? And I'm like, I'm just flying back from England. And they're like, oh, okay. And then Bauvilla came and was also flying back from England. So we were all on this airplane together. And I was telling all my friends, I'm like, Bauvilla just sat in the seat in front of me. And then a week later, uh, one of my roommates had jury duty. And he like runs into the house after jury. He was like, guess who was on my jury? Bauvilla. So he had a jury duty with Bauvilla. God. Yeah, but he'd be a real dick. He, he'd insist on being the foreman. And what was the, the neighbor went, went Wilson Wilson. Oh my gosh. Oh, I loved Wilson. Yeah, it was such a brilliant idea. You know, the neighbor that just peeks over the fence. Yeah. Yeah. Is that a Detroit thing? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Just fence peakers. Yeah. Yeah. Totally. I couldn't, I just couldn't get into it. I, I think I probably would have gone with a movie that night. So it's Halloween week. Yeah. I'm watching anything horror on TV. Well, see, I don't watch anything that's scary. I watched one scary movie when I was a kid. I was at Alicia Harvey's house. I was in sixth grade. I was watching it. I know what you did last summer. And her brother, yes, it scared me because her brother, I, we were like all in the living room and like, you know, being, and I was already terrified to watch this movie because you were scared for love you. And then like right next to the TV were two, were like, it was like a giant window in their living room. My brother came dressed in like a black cloak and like, banked on the, on the glass with like a knife. I was like, it's over. Yeah. It's over for me. And urban legends was another one that I watched. And for whatever reason, whenever I get into my car at night, I, I seriously think somebody's going to slash my Achilles heel. Under the car. Under the car. I can't do it. I do quickly. And I will always check the back seat because I always think someone is back there. That's going to murder me. Right, right, right. I still check behind the shower curtain. Like, I can't, I can't watch things to do. But it's crazy. That's crazy to think that like every single time we get into the shower, that's nuts. Yeah, that is a little bit nuts. I, I did used to have problems with that though from some of those movies. Like, Oh, sorry. One other warm movie that I remember watching and maybe this is the one that really still deal for me. But when I was very young, I, and I was at my Aunt Michelle's house in the middle of the day for whatever reason, she let me watch it. It is terrifying. And I was like, peeing my pants. I was so scared. I think a lot of parents or adults for some reason, but it was okay to show. During the day, but it was like, it didn't matter. It was just terrifying. The air is a sailboat that like, we all float down here. You can always terrifying a movie. And that it was made for TV version. So it was a two part mini series. So I think people were like, it was made for TV. It can't be that terrifying, but it's pretty scary. Yeah, that is an absolutely terrifying movie. And, and to this day, I will not fight a clown. Yeah. Yeah. Why would you otherwise? Well, I mean, you know, you got to make money somehow. Yeah. Yeah. I would have gone on the movie called Transylvania 65,000, which stars Ed Begley Jr. and Jeff Goldblum. It's the movie that he met Gina Davis on. Oh, and it's a, it's a horror comedy. It's a fun movie. So it wouldn't scare you, but it has vampires and werewolves in it. So it's really the best of both worlds. Yeah. I know. Sorry. I mean, anything that is even remotely scary, I just can't do. Really? Really? Yeah. Even if it's funny scary. I just don't even like being scared or spooked. Wow. Do you why I like amusement park rides? Like really? How much finally dragged me on the mountain ride at Disney? Oh, yes. Yes. Yeah. And I'm kicking and screaming, like, almost in tears. And then I went on out and I was like, Oh, this is not that big of a deal. Yeah. I don't like real rides, but I will watch a horror movie. Really? Yeah, I love horror movies. That was like my own time period. Yeah. Wow. Wow. You're a better person than I am for it. 30, what do you go with? Um, I think I watched family matters. Family matters was not the best show on earth. Yeah, you know, see, when you and I are just going to have a difference at the penny and because home improvement, family matters, doesn't mind you. I mean, I think that that makes sense. I mean, you're a little bit over there. The same song alone. Do you remember the original theme song was What a Wonderful World? To Family Matters? Yes. For the first two seasons, it was What a Wonderful World. And by, I think it was, uh, it was the one who's like, Oh, yeah. And then they wrote their own song. You know, couldn't get enough newspaper page. Yeah, yeah, yeah. By that point, it had become the full honorable show. By the time I watched it, it's a 95. See, I had horrible taste in shows when I was younger, I think, for sure. Like, I didn't really watch anything good, except for the Simpsons. And even then, like, I could probably tell you more vivid memories of watching home improvement in family matters. And it's probably largely in part because I was, like, living with a family that I didn't really have a choice, you know what I mean? So whatever they put on, I watched. I felt like you couldn't speak up. Be like, Hey, I'm a guest here. Uh, I would like to watch something else. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Especially with two other girls in the house. Right. It was like, forget about it. Yeah. And an older one too. Like, I imagine they were just like, you're going to watch this and you're going to shut up and like it. Yeah. Yeah. Family matters was a show that I actually liked when it first came when I was a spin-off with Perfect Strangers. And when it first started, it was kind of about just like an actual family. Yeah. And then Urkel came in the first season and they got really silly worries, inventing cloning machines. Oh, I remember that. Yeah. That's when I stopped watching it as much as it was in the earlier seasons that I watched it when it was a gold, if you will, but someday they'll make a movie. Uh-huh. I would have gone, I'm watching Pennsylvania six, five thousand most of the night, but I will point out that Baywatch Nights was on, which was the spin-off of Baywatch. Yeah, boy. Like. Here's the thing though. No bikinis. Well, here was the premise of Baywatch Nights. So, you know, Mitch, who's David Hasselhoff, he's a lifeguard by day. Yeah. Night time, he's still got free time somehow. How does he do it? Nice not sleep. Has a private investigator business at night. What? Are you serious? They don't just investigate. I don't think I've ever seen that. Baywatch Nights, it gets better. They're not just investigating, you know, cheating husbands or scam artists. They're investigating monsters. What? He hunts down vampires, monsters. Was this a successful show? No, no, not at all. Not at all. Oh my god. This was when Baywatch was literally the most popular show in the world. It was the most syndicated, most watch television show in the entire world. So, I think you just like, you know, whatever I want. Whatever I want. Monsters in my spare time. Baywatch Nights. Pretty fun show. Really crap. So, then 9.30, what are you going with? Well, it was two things. Are you afraid of the dark slash Alex Mack? So, are you afraid of the dark? You would watch? I would watch because, but I think I would only watch, well, for me, it was like, I love the opening sequence. Yeah. And that's why I said slash Alex Mack. Whenever it would get scary, I would just either go to one. I would switch over. But I think those were maybe on the same channel. So, if it wasn't Alex Mack, then I would probably switch over too. This is a crazy switch, but walker text. Walker text. That's like a palette cleanser. So, are you afraid of the dark? This is a special one-hour episode. Oh. And so, this was on Nickelodeon used to do a thing called Saturday Night Nick or SNCC, if you will. SNCC? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, I would definitely watch this. This might have been before I was terminally scared of shows. Are you afraid of the dark is responsible for terrifying a lot of people are age? And it was a fairly light show, but there were some terrifying episodes. Was it based off of books? Am I crazy? No, there was a book series later, though. Oh, okay. Yeah. Like a scholastic troll book club kind of thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for the dark books. Yeah. Yeah. And so, this particular episode is a boy gets involved in an ancient pirate tale. I don't really sold on it based on that description. But does it sound that scary to you, or does it not really entertaining? Exactly. You may never really understood why pirates somehow got involved in Halloween and like part of things. Well, it's because I think it's because like, I mean, they're dressed for Halloween. They are, but you know, any historical figure is dressed for Halloween. True, but historical figures is like it to me like a pirate is more interesting than a historical figure. I guess, but it's weird that kids dress up like pirates because really, they're just rapists of the sea. Like, that's what basically pirates are. That's crazy talk. And like, basically, what a pirate is. But that's not what like as a little girl, I'm like, I love pirates because they're rapists of the sea. I was like, I love pirates because they wear like, flossy clothes. And an eye patch. And I have a parrot. Yeah. Like, if you like, I wonder if in a hundred years from now, kids are going to dress up like Somali pirates. Maybe like just like people. If my kid dresses as a Somali pirate, I would probably be like, yeah, absolutely. That's good. You have a machete and just like some shorts on. Uh-huh. And like a fake, oh my god, that would be great. I think maybe I dressed up as a pirate for one year, but like not as a kid, like when I was way too old to dress as a pirate. I was a lost soul for a long period of my life. Just for like a couple years, you're like, you know, I think I'm gonna go with pirate. I think I might just try it. Why not? Why not? I'm as far from the ocean as you can get here. I actually like, when it comes to Halloween, like, I don't even really like the holidays. Because it scares you? I just don't like dressing up. I don't like, like, I used to go out when I was a kid. Okay. The truth of it is I think I never had good costumes as a kid. And so because of that, I always feel very insecure. And so I was like, like, I remember one year I had like two best friends and their names were Megan and Leslie. And I like found out that they were gonna go. They were like, Oh, come over to our house for Halloween. We and I'm like, I don't have a costume. And then I showed up and they were like in falling out in like matching blue balloon outfits. And I was like, what the hell am I going to do? And they were like, they picked up this gigantic blue M&M costume. And they were like, they just had it. And they were like, you can be the candy for like the factory. So I dressed up as this blue M. I like painted my face blue. I put my hair up in like this. It was always horrible. It could have been a lower guard and it would have gone with the whole world. It was bad. And we went on trick or cheating. And I remember like, we walked up this house and like, they were like, Oh my God, your costumes are so cute. And they gave them like giant, like, you know, the whole size, whole size candy bars. And then I came up behind them and I was like, I am the chocolate from the factory. And they were like, here's a piece of bubblegum. She's just like, you have enough candy. You've had enough. They were like, we all know that M&M's didn't come from the Willy Wonka factory. This is factually inaccurate. Yeah, like, yeah, that's just it. I just said I just don't dress up. But I will say, like two years ago, I'm gonna convince me to dress up for Halloween. And we had kind of kick-ass costumes, which were Walling and Eva. That's pretty good. Have you ever seen a photo of that? I may have. I think it's our Facebook photo. It was like pretty amazing. Yeah. Yeah. See, that's kind of fun. I think when you have someone who is doing like a, like a, like a couple costume with you and get a whole theme, it can be pretty fun. And the pressure's kind of off. And the pressure's off a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I, I, my, my, what's your best costume? Best costume was probably, I went as the crow one year, but it was, it was before the movie came out. I was the crow from the comic books. I knew what the hell I was dressed as. Oh my god. That was, all right. I went as a dead clown one year. This was very, I was seven years old. And my concept was this clown was the one that we had fired out of the cannon, but the cannon backfired. So I was all like burned and also a clown. And I was like, seven. And people were like, what are you? So I remember some lady thought it was a hobo. And I got really angry. I'm like, I'm like, I'm a burn clown. Can we just get that straight? Oh my god. That was hilarious. That was a pretty good one. My go to as an adult was always priest, because I had a lot of black shirts and I would just take a piece of white cardboard and I'm like, I'm a priest. Yeah. Up until like, up until I was nine, my mom really took care of me in costume world. Like I was Jasmine from Aladdin. And I had like really like cool costume, like girly costumes. And then after my mom passed, it was just nothing but nightmare. Yes. Yeah. Because I had nobody to guide me. So I was just like, I'm going to be an embryo sack, true story. An embryo sack. How did, did you just get a garbage bag? I was way too old to be an embryo sack. I was like, in my twenties. Yeah. Well, I mean, an embryo, that should be even pre-20, like pre-1 years old. I put on nylons, like like tan nylons on my legs. And then I put nylons over my head and over my arms. And then I wore a, I'm ashamed to admit this. I wore a plastic, almost like translucent bag around my middle area. That's going to be called myself an embryo sack. It was not good. Did anyone guess where they were like, Oh, you're an embryo sack? Are you kidding? No. Everybody was like, Are you okay? There is no one on earth who that would be a flattering outfit for. No. There is no one who could call it. It was bad. That is bold though. That is bold. I will give you credit for attempting that. I appreciate that. So let's move on to Sunday night, one day closer to Halloween. 8 o'clock, what are you going with? I watched, I think at 8 o'clock it was either, I'm really, I think I mixed up my times, but it was either pinky and the brain, sister, sister, or fresh prince. Okay. So one of the two, three. Yeah. One of those three, all decent choices. Pinky and the brain was a fantastic show. Oh, so now you have a proof of my test. I don't disapprove the others. I just understand them. They're not the embryo sack of TV shows that you picked. Fair enough. Everybody watched fresh prince. Everybody did, right? Huge. Everybody loved that show. Yeah. I watched the first two seasons and then I got a little disappointed that it wasn't enough. Like the music videos for the fresh prince, everyone would be a little silly. There's two things you passed up, which was Lois and Clark. You know, I think I watched a little bit of Lois and Clark, but for me I was never like, I was never into comic books when I was a kid. I was never like. You're a woman. That's how it worked then. I wasn't a woman. I did collect pogs, but that was about it. That was you had two in the 90s. I mean, that if they would have inspectors come by your house and if you didn't have pogs, they would find you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally. And slammers and all that kind of stuff. Yeah. Did you actually ever play them? Yeah. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would play them. When the pogs from people were used to slimmer. I would try and win the pogs that I really wanted. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. You're the first person I ever met. But I had a binder with all of them. Oh, yeah. I was really into it. Just flip through and go, ah, this is my empire. So sister sister was showing her really watched that much, but this was the in crowd readily accepts Tamara after she gets a glamorous makeover, but leaves Tia out. Yeah, of course. And why wouldn't you beat her Tia? The downside of having a twin? I was always jealous of their relationship because I didn't have like, I was the youngest in my family and I didn't have like a younger sister and I live with these two girls and they were both like not. Well, the little girl was like, the youngest girl that I lived with was like a gymnast and I'm not kidding was like the golden child. Like she was this and the older sister, this is screwed up, but she had cancer when she was a little kid and then she like got fat and the mother like hated her for it. For the cancer probably. For the cancer. Yeah. And then so it was just this weird household that I was living in where I felt like I didn't really have like this connection with these two girls and like, would they gang up sort of against you or were they inclusive? Most of the time it was I would remain neutral as I would try to remain neutral as much as I could, but most of the time it was it was those two that would fight because you know the older sister craved attention and the younger sister was like this. How many years apart were they? I think they were probably about I want to say maybe like three to four years apart and I was in the middle of that. So did you ever have you had to mediate sometimes what they'd be like you tell us which one of us is wrong? You know if that happened it was likely like we were on the trampoline in the backyard we were playing like house or something like that and that's when all of the issues would come out. So one of you diagnosed them with a rare form of lupus and then it took a bunch of drugs? Yeah. Oh you mean house? Yes. Yeah. That's very odd. So you so but they were they inclusive of you? Like did they did you treat you like an outsider? I had different relationships with each of them you know with the younger one I think she was like younger so she wanted to play with dolls and things like that more and with the older one I think you know her like she would kind of when she when her and I would get along she would kind of be like the bigger sister and teach me things but honestly like the relationship in that house was so weird because I'm a mother and it was like I went to catechism as a kid and then my mom yanked me out of catechism. Right what's catechism? It's catholic. It's like it's like it's like when it's not I didn't go to catholic school but I went to like nightly. Okay. Like once a week. Like an after-school program. Yeah it was weird and and the woman that I lived with her name was Laurie and she would teach at the catholic school and I never had her as a teacher but she would teach kids like about God and then come home and be like you're a little shit and like it was crazy. That's not that unusual though. It was not unusual but she like hated me. I think it was weird they like took the and she would say you specifically are a little shit. Well she hated me in particular because I came into their house like they took me in after my mother passed which was very nice of them but I felt like the whole time my dad was just giving them checks every week which is I think to be totally honest why they took me in and like she she would she like the father Randy yeah really really liked me and like and she did not like that so she had like nine years old or she was like jealous of your relationship with Randy and she was like you're ruining my marriage and I was like 10 years old and I was like this is the same because you know I was like emotional yeah that's a tough time for you I would say. It's a little bit of a tough time for me and I think you know he would always take my side and she wouldn't because you were probably reasonable because I you know and you're 11. So she was crazy and then I left. She's like look Lolita totally wow and it was really nuts and then I left after four years because I finally like broke down and told my dad like I can't live here this woman hates me so he let me move elsewhere. Did you ever stay in touch with Randy? You know if I go into my hometown which I which I do like once a year they're still there and they're like come step by and I'm like remember when you were the worst bitch on earth yeah you know like it's so weird so no I don't I don't still talk to either of them but Randy is is still alive and well yeah good for Randy you know good for Randy but he's still with her I think I think you could do better oh yeah well that's what happens in the Midwest people just stay married even though they hate each other because it's so cold yeah we just need the body wants. I just need the body. We got to save the money so you did pass up the Simpsons Treehouse of Horrors at eight o'clock. Did I you know that's the thing I didn't have a regimen I watched all the stuff all across the board and I never really got invested in anything probably except for Point Meets World I was like very invested in and maybe like family matters but I did watch the Simpsons and I did like the only thing I remember watching it and I remember like one episode that really stuck with me was when they were trying to figure out who killed Mr. Burns. Yes that was a big summer cliffhanger I mean that was huge yeah and I think it happened like as my mom was sick okay so that's probably why it sticks out in my brain so hard but I do remember that episode the very very very important one. Yeah I mean my my sister was diagnosed with cancer hummus probably around this year actually and there the night that she first went to the hospital to get surgery was the season finale of Seinfeld where George's fiance dies yeah and it was like the summer of George and so for some reason that particular episode I was like very invested in what will happen in the September one way more than I should have been anything else because I'm like I gotta get I gotta find out what happened because like I just remember that note I was like yeah okay like so I think that television definitely serves as a way to just unload your focus instead of having to deal with whatever real thing is going on where you don't necessarily have the control over it because you know that the story has been written I think and it's going to work out even if it's not a good ending it has an end whereas you know real life you're like this may just drag on and on forever and I have no idea what will happen yeah it's not going to go anywhere yeah so which is probably not a bad thing no no no no it's very soothing to yourself so at nine o'clock would you go at that night oh it was what is there oh was it mad about you was that at nine it did air it aired a little early in the video mad about you it was a show that I absolutely love I think it's an underrated show I love Paul Reiser who doesn't it's so funny and I really liked what's your face yeah yeah how I hunt was great what a good show I definitely would have watched that absolutely yeah but I will mention there's a terrifying ad in here that says living nightmares crawl inside a bat cave if you dare and it's a nature show about bats in this photo you know what I probably watched that well maybe no actually I take that back I didn't my dad that's all he watches shows about bats his shows about bats he just can't get enough of these bats anybody loves the nature shows he loves Discovery Channel and stuff like that now he's so he can't hear anything because he's so deaf so now sometimes I'll walk in and he'll be like watching the Spanish Channel right and I'm like dad what are you was a lot of ladies Spanish yeah there's a lot of ladies shaking it on Spanish and he's like what no it's not I'm like no it's definitely in Spanish and then he's like I speak Spanish now it sounds like English to me it's so crazy when I don't have any tattoos this is this is a transition that what are you about to tell me get it I'm the only one I family without tattoos okay I'm also the only one my family that's never been in the military and the only one of my family that's never been kicked out of the military none of these things surprise me not related at all but when I was like 17 and I was on to punk rock and was like super gothy I like really considered getting this tattoo for a while and I very only did it I almost got this extremely realistic bat on my arm and I was going to have like one wing kind of going on in my chest and the other wing kind of going on to my back like this giant bat no idea I was like yeah I think that's just a cool like really like photo realistic bat no I'm so glad that I didn't do that I think we're all glad yeah the world is a better place because we don't have a bat tattoo so Monday night eight o'clock yeah October 30th we're going with rosanne rosanne uh yes that is on that week uh very very good show it also had amazing Halloween episodes somewhat scary I don't remember any specific episodes I just remember really really really hating darlene she was too sarcastic for you I just felt like she always was like so like poo poo like I for whatever reason which is crazy because now if I were to rewatch it I would think that I would of course relate to darlene way more than then becky yeah but for whatever reason I like wanted to be becky so bad well yeah she's the uh especially when she was Sarah chalk at second becky she was like you know the pretty blonde one and and darlene was the most like a real teenager I think that's ever been on television yeah she was miserable and sarcastic and at that age I think I just thought she was so mean yeah you know what I mean yeah but now I thought we'd go back and she's not mean enough yeah she could have been so much greater that family on that show also took place in michigan and in landford michigan which was a fictional town that that family was the most realistic family I think I like I felt the most comfortable towards that family growing up oh yeah where they interacted it felt like the most natural yeah yeah and their issues and oh yeah it's a shame how it all ended well no see I think I liked it I loved the final episode I didn't like the last season where they won all this money okay but the pulling the rug out from under you and realizing that it was all the whole show was a fantasy was a brilliant turnaround yeah and so the the story that I've heard about why that last season was the way that it was this may be apocryphal but I I fairly think I think it's fairly true is that rosanne bought the us remake rights to the show absolutely fabulous yeah um and she did pilot and didn't get picked up so she basically said I'm just gonna turn my show on absolutely fabulous so that was her intention so that's why they won the money and it was like trashy people with money this is what they do and it didn't work so then she said I'm ending the show and we'll just we'll do this uh that Dan died and I I've been writing this as a fantasy for the whole time which makes me really appreciate that so much more because it shows on for nine years why not do yeah why not do you can do it so go for it yeah uh 830 what are you going with the nanny the nanny what the nanny ought to eat that was not a show that I enjoyed I would watch it occasionally because I kind of like some pressure it's a better show than home improvement I think uh from last season CC sneaks to secure movie rights for a project with sherry lewis and lamb chop but when the puppet disappears it's believed CC's pooch made dog food of it a sherry lewis and lamb chop guest starring role uh I mean that's a point that's our vision uh wait lamb chop is in the um the puppet yeah sherry lewis and lamb chop of course I love that show I loved lamb chop lamb chop's play along fantastic job what kid doesn't like vintra liquism I god looking back at it is terrifying yeah I would be more scared of that than I know what you did last summer really a hocanded fisherman not as scary as a lamb chop uh nine o'clock what are you only I watched uh oh america's funniest video home videos yeah uh this show I watched all the time I still watch it today I think it's hilarious oh it's great it makes me laugh like no other show than the animal episodes are my favorite oh yeah oh just like kids doing weird things yeah like I am somewhat ashamed of how much I laughed marks my some videos uh-huh but uh it's just the best yeah it's youtube 30 years ago yeah I can't believe it's still in the air like I really really can't Tom Bergeron just stepped down I'm hoping you know he maybe I could get a maybe I could get a get a little get rid get rid oh my god I'm no Daisy Fuentes but I think I could do it and she was hosting it at this time she was the next host after Bob Saget stepped down Daisy Fuentes was sack it gosh yeah that was great oh yeah he was on full house and that same kind of king of the world loved full house too I loved full house you liked full house I did yeah but you didn't like family matters or home improvement because to me those are all the same so here's the thing so erkel I understand here's full how what about home improvement oh no it was too southern it had this whole mass car I didn't like here's also the thing with me I always identified way more with teenage girls I don't know why but if there was a show I would feel most like the teenage girl on that show yeah for some reason the fact that it was three boys on home improvement I was like they're all dickheads I have nothing in common with these guys there it just isn't me and so it's hard for me to like identify with a show I think and hindsight that was probably one of the reasons that I didn't watch that show yeah but um full house if it the reason it wasn't as bad as family matters is it all right safe full house was just all about Kimmy Ghibler that's what family matters was if every episode was the Kimmy Ghibler show and Kimmy Ghibler's inventing a spaceship and cloning herself that would be the reason I would not show a show yeah that makes sense not a not a fantastic show I will say that no I definitely checked out you know halfway through it by the time I had gone through puberty but I did come back for the final you did but yeah had to watch the finale and that was appointment tv it was like it was like the last mad men are you know the final lost love that you just compared that to mad men and lost quality tv right yeah full house absolutely have you seen the video someone's edited together online where they basically edited clips from full house to make it look like a horror movie no they've used just non-doctor to actual clips and it says full house trailer and it's really funny it's really funny it just makes blobsay it looks like a complete psychopath what yeah it's very very funny maybe i'm on the tumblr for this episode i'll put it on there oh god it's very funny it's very normally that stuff doesn't do it for me but this one's very well done yeah so where were you gonna do we move on to stay yeah so Tuesday night at eight what are you going with bedward scissor hams great movie absolutely great movie yeah scary not too scary nope it was scary can the beginning is that what scary no not the beginning i mean the whole he has scissors on his hands yeah was it scary because you were afraid of songs hiss on his hands or are scared because you thought you made the scissors on your hands look him as a person is scary looking he's got like crazy gray makeup on his lips are like gray yeah the crazy hair and the crazy hair and the outfit yeah yeah yeah i mean i think i was so drawn to like gothie stuff that i thought he looked really cool what is that movie classified as a as a horrible no no no no to me it's a horror movie i think you would say it's like a dark fantasy actually i would classify it as a christmas movie what yeah it takes place at christmas that is and i mean no absolutely not not in my mind right but you're watching it still regardless even though it's scary i watched it and it was scary to me but i do vividly remember being like this is a terrifying movie we're on a ride-air as a blonde pulling it off very masterfully that was also the return of anthony michael hall and everyone was really shocked because he was all like pumped up kind of worried and was like a villain in something instead of this like skinny geeky funny guy uh and then he was not able to parlay that into a movie career yeah he made a movie right after that called a gnome named norm what it was a huge bomb and it was about a guy who finds a magical gnome in a park and then they have adventures and it was not a children's movie i would love to see the remake of that right now named norm it was on HBO incessantly it was on HBO all the time they must have just got it really cheap and they were here all my god anthony michael hall and a gnome named norm and he was in a movie where he played a rock and roll guy and it was called like hail caesar or something like that it was really better from around the same time but everyone thought ever since her hands his big comeback and that was the first movie i remember johnnie dap getting like upped up yeah because he was a huge hard throw up at the time because he was on 21 jump stream yeah see i never had it bad for johnnie dap at any point in my life and that's probably because of this because of edwards is a terrifying movie um because it was when did you first see that on tv or did you see it on tv did you like any other timberton stuff you know i think that was actually the first time i had been and reduced to timberton at that age student watched beetle juice the cartino you know what i think i watched yeah it's hard to say how much earlier did beetle just come out rather than beetle juice was 89 and Edward's his hands was 92 92 yeah so i there's no way that i watched beetle juice when i was unless i watched a read run of it but beetle juice to me was way less scary yeah because it was it was like catherine o'hara and like i loved see to me that movie is a comedy Edward's his hands to me is not what Edward's his hands is a sad movie yeah it has some comedic elements but it's really like a like a very bittersweet sad story about like loneliness and andclusiveness and the other and family and all this stuff whereas yeah beetle juice is is a comedy i mean it's but it's but it's blood grosser i mean there's full on monsters in that like when they're in the other side but for whatever reason monsters don't scare me as knives as much as real people okay with deformities or i don't know if i'd classify Edward's his hands as a real person with deformities i'm sorry but your child is born with knife hands it's uh i mean we don't have a test for that yet because he was kind of a robot like he was a uh he wasn't born with scissors on his hand no he was created by Vincent Price and for some reason was like until i can perfect hands he could watch this movie again he's a dog groomer he grooms poodles that i remember that kid that's not terrifying that's not terrifying it was like a poodle groomer no it would be funny if there was a kid who saw Edward's his hands as a kid and is now terrified of poodle groomers like they walk by a dog groomer and they're like ah no way no way i probably would have watched that as well that night i love that movie and and it was although i classified as a christmas movie i would have said it's Halloween we're close yeah uh but uh oh we'll move on to the next uh so you're watching that all night there was a new uh monsters movie and christine taylor missus ben stiller was playing uh lilyan on the show uh maryland i'm sorry yeah uh very very odd not really much love these days people forgot about that i i never watched it that was halloween night by the way oh really yeah so you're watching every season so i watched every season another reason why it probably terrified me because it was how i'm already scared out yeah uh wednesday night all saint's day very very excited about this day okay what do we get um angels in the outfield one of the best movies of all time like that better than ricki the year i never saw ricki the year okay uh they came out around the same time really and there was a big like kids playing baseball kind of thing kind of thing going on so christopher loyd angels in the outfield okay yes um and what's the what's the name of the the black gentleman who's in it oh it's not um it's not dead it's not danny glover is danny glover uh it might be oh you know what it is danny glover it is danny glover he's not too old for that shit i mean how could you not ball your eyes out when he starts waving his arms as an angel and the whole state gets involved and you're just balling because it's so emotionally touching you know it's weird so you know the wave you're familiar with the wave at sporting events yes uh in england yes england they call it the mexican wave what why i don't know why it sounds really racist that is very racist but what what's mexican about it how do you know that because my wife is from england and she one day she was like oh they do the mexican wave i'm like unless it's just her that calls it that but i was like the what so what she's like you know this woman it's like that's just the wave oh my god and she was like no we call it the mexican wave what yeah maybe it's like english muffins or just muffins over there maybe in mexico we just by the way it's so weird it'd be fun if you went to mexico and then like a mexican guy was like we just call it the wave here and that's it's just our thing i don't know where that comes from oh but sports movies i really don't like sports i never got into them so all those sort of heart string tugging sports movies like field of dreams yeah i was uh i would go see them in the theater sometimes because i went to the movies every week from 1982 to 1992 i mean 2002 i saw a movie every wednesday and i would just be in the theater and people would be like crying at these movies and i'd be like it's a game like for some reason it just cold no emotions from a not recent sport the most recent sports movie i've seen which was actually surprisingly like pretty great was goon with shonley and scott oh yes it's great yeah it's really really good it is a comedy but it's still like you know it's still about the sport but it's really good i just wanted to saw um remember the titans oh okay which was uh it's a good movie not my favorite but i so i was writing movie reviews at this time for a local for i was doing movie reviews in this radio station so i went to a preview screening and the um the guy who was produced that movie was michael bay yeah michael bay and uh wasn't michael bay yeah he's like the very miami vice older sort of uh i think it was him and so he came to the theater to to see how people were doing because it was like a preview and he was asking people if they like the movie and he literally had on a white suit jacket oh my gosh t-shirt no socks two-day scruff and he's like what do you think of the movie and i remember going on like 20 and i'm like well i was pretty much uh just generic pablam nonsense and he's like really what do you think i'm like well it was just just the most boring obvious story and it was really cliched and i'm like this guy's like a billion air movie maker and i'm some i was living in just like a dirt hole and i was stealing food from the restaurant i worked at no money and i'm just like yeah you're moving amen garbage total garbage i mean i didn't care he was like really interested in what i was like yeah you're right it was total garbage real reshoot it's like that's what i was going for total garbage uh yeah not not my favorite movie uh so you're watching that all night angels in the outfield did you see that on tv for the first time or did you see the theater yeah now did you do you believe in angels no okay so you weren't like this could happen oh i mean not not in that it's not to that extent i mean i don't think i believe nah nah i don't believe in angels you know what specifically bothered me about that movie too was i always hate when uh religious or angels or something are involved in sports like if you think someone who believes in angels they're like they are gods emissaries on earth and they're here to protect us and they're like they're gonna make the sports team win you know what was cool though about those angels they were funny angels that's true they had senses of humor those angels yeah that i appreciated i also like that i always just pictured some like um i've never seen damn Yankees but i think it has something to do with baseball in the devil i haven't seen any of that and uh it was also really bad band with Ted Nugent in it um but uh i always imagined some like christian guy saw that play and was like no way i'm doing angels in the outfield i'm going to make this right wrong this is not right thursday night yeah eight o'clock where do you go yeah it's kind of boring but hockey that was always at least i know it was always it's a thing in Detroit you know you watch the red wings but for Randy at this time in my life he was a huge hockey person and he would watch and he would literally be on the edge of the couch so like invested in the game that the minute like he would even if it came close to goal he would stand up and be like huh would he cheer all the stuff like he would get really really really into it he'd be like hey so do you think you just got caught up in his oh yeah and i liked Randy so you know what i mean i really really liked Randy so he was like my same he was like my angel brought back uh to like living in that space so he was did the other women in the house not like hockey so you were the only one that watched it with him we um i definitely watched it with him and i think the girls may have been like either playing and and lori for sure didn't she didn't care um like all i remember her doing is like flipping through magazines at the kitchen counter like smoking a cigarette like right she like she never they never did anything together were they the kind of couple where you're like why did you even get married for sure and like what i remember i mean of course all i really remember being there is like the horrible things but but i would be like sitting at the dinner table like that was something we had to do every night he is a family he is a family and that's what she's crying it was probably annoying at the time kind of nice but also linsey the little girl had so many gymnastics like recitals that that we would literally eat out at like the nugget in my hometown um the golden nugget the gold yeah the golden nugget yeah i mean it was in our hometown it's just called the nugget the nugget people didn't call it if that was in voston they would call that nugget nugget going down to the nugget going down oh my god now we would we called the nugget and um we would go like literally should so many recitals that we would eat out so much and it was so unhealthy and i would she would let me order like those deep-fried mini tacos oh yeah for the taco every night she just didn't she didn't care you know i mean she didn't care so i just wasn't cooking or eating habits as a child but in when we would sit around the table and eat dinner right the one dish that i remember her making was like sweetish meatballs with like mushroom gravy okay was it good it was tasty you know what i mean it's tasty as like mushroom gravy out of a Campbell's soup can't they right right right um and and i remember we would sit and she would she would constantly we wouldn't there would be tv on in the background yeah we you have to do that so you don't have to talk to each other you don't have to talk to each other but she would const i would lean over my food to eat it and she would constantly snip at me sit up straight sit up straight sit up straight and so i would const i would just like be eating like food and then like shaking my hand taking it like a mouth like diffusing a bomb like come on don't drop it don't drop it it was horrible side note one other time there's a scar on my leg because one time on tv it was um what was it was it what was i watching i want to say it was like at dinner time we were watching home improvement maybe or something like that and i was really really really engrossed in it and we were eating steak and i had a knife a steak knife and like 10 years old cutting my steak and i remember putting my knife down to my side but instead of like she just jammed it in your leg i sliced a piece of my knee off like the left side of my knee i just sliced it off it was like the sharp sharp of these notes it was the sharpest thing i can't do and it was my whole leg was bleeding and she was furious because she was like how did you do how could you do this how could you do that how could you do this to me and i was like i don't i don't know we're not gonna get our checks anymore it was great oh my gosh she would write down like when we went out shopping together she would write down like if i bought a hairbrush that she had to pay for if i bought a pack of gum that she had to pay for like it was crazy did you when did you first start working how old were you i started working when i was uh 15 15 or or 16 maybe what was your first job i worked at michaels arts and craft store okay yes selling fake flowers selling fake flowers it was a horrible job because michaels arts and craft store is like so big and there's so many things oh yeah in that store that you would have to like it would take you forever just to get from one side of the other sure sure echo park that sounds like fire though so that's a little more how can you tell the difference fire truck has a different siren seriously yeah are you laughing at me because i don't know that oh it's just like a long yeah it's a different siren sound yeah um usually the police one that usually fire but like it is more of a cop noise the things i don't know i don't well that's how i can tell how worried to be if the cops are coming it's a problem if it's a fire that's someone else's problem yeah um the fire is not going to flee into my own home got it so i um oh my quit my question for you is then when you when you first got this job at 15 yeah when you first got your first paycheck was there a thing that you just bought yourself that you were like this is my money for the first time i'm getting myself there's something i want buying my own hair brush and no one's gonna write down how much is going to write down um you know i remember uh oh boy i don't know i i can't remember a specific thing that i bought i remember one big thing that i got for myself was do you remember there used to be a mini disc player yeah the mini disc sony mini disc player yeah i was really into that and i had like i had like a like an iridescent sort of like neon purple slash oh yeah teal like one and i was so cool well yeah that's space aged yeah i was like it was really really neat and i listened to janet jackson was like the first like mini disc lowercase janet period ah i can't remember the specific song it was like oh my god i was at the party look at that body oh yes that was 97 it's a velvet robe yeah that was the one that i was and i at that time i think i was like and i just bought it and i was going down to florida like with the high school marching band would you play in band yeah clarinet but then when i was a senior i don't want to um brag but i would became a drum major you know wow yeah no big deal any time i tell somebody that they're like oh wow you played the drums and i'm like no i have a drum major you had to be anointed for that yes uh it was a big deal pretty big deal uh so then i i took the mini disc player all the way down to florida our band went to disney world i got lost at kat center didn't go on magic mountain didn't go out and of course there ain't anything like that but the entire bus had to wait for me and it was miserable it was like the fireworks went off and i went i decided to go to the bathroom at that time and they ended and everybody just left geez so i wandered around disney world sobbing and i'm like at this point way too old to be sobbing and then i finally fell my way back to the band and you know how embarrassing it is all the way in the back of the bus and everyone's like aha aha aha aha aha aha yeah one of my the worst thing to happen to me when i was in high school on the ash so that's not true but one of the most embarrassing things that happened was we went to go see mcbeth a production of mcbeth when i was maybe 16 and i i i slept maybe two hours and i had really been signing my whole life two hours max was was so occasionally would catch up with me and i'd either start dreaming while i was awake which is a whole different story or i would just fall asleep like for a couple hours so we went to see mcbeth and it was in this theorem around and i fell asleep on with my head on this post uh for the whole play and i wake up at the end of mcbeth and it's the scene where they have a decapitated head and someone just screaming and i was like what the hell and so then i kind of snapped out of it and the teacher who i had a like a friendly relationship with she actually made me go to my prom with this girl i didn't know because my teacher and i would often talk about honey de franco but that's another another story and so she's like how did you like mcbeth can and i'm like yeah it was pretty good and she goes i might believe you if you didn't fall asleep through the entire intermission while we all left the room and got food and i had this big indentation on the side of my head from the post yeah i was not one of my finest moments yeah not one of my fun that was and all the kids knew and like the whole bus ride back was just like can has narcolepsy yeah yeah which i didn't but would have been kind of nice wow uh so friday night the final night of the week well you know what it is i mean it's you go on tjf yeah it's tjf on that yeah it's playing me it's world it's step by step the ad here is i even watch klirson and rugrats like it was a marathon oh yeah yeah uh we have cody who is maybe my least favorite tjf character of all time there's a photo of him he looks like the world's biggest dickhead and he just says cody married and then it says whoa dude totally and mertal erkel it's erkel and drag as an old lady you know i don't remember that episode i have to probably to save your own sanity to save my own sanity for sure for me it was like obviously i was in love with shawn oh yeah right or strong yeah that was his real name apparently right it did school talk about that like would you all talk about these shows i think for sure we would talk about as girls we would talk about choreant panga like okay what's gonna happen like it was a religion right right right right i just want to find a quarry i just want to i want to be someone's tepanga what the hell kind of name is tepanga i don't know yeah but for me i also like i always really really like shawn because you know he was like the motherless yeah so you identified with that identified with him did you identify with full house because of that reason as well uh for sure a little bit but it was it was like a full house i really liked full house a lot but it also i was jealous of full house because the experience that yeah for the experience that those girls got was not anything like what i got so even though i i would watch it and i would like it i would mostly watch it for the interactions between all of the the guys right rather than rather than for the girls right so you almost have the opposite i had where i was like yeah that's me girls i older men that's my thing yeah i i feel a lot like an older man i i you i didn't want to say this earlier because i thought you would be a friend but you always struck me as sort of john state mosey i thank you yeah well you're welcome you had that error about you that regal john state mosey i could not about filling matters and i i'll read you the i'll read you the synopsis of this episode it's okay jaleil white has a dual role as mertile erkel's visiting cousin from bolloxie who shows plenty of moxie when she squares off with gretta for eddie's affections i feel like jaleil white pitched that episode he's like how about this i dress up like a woman and i try to make out with eddie and they're all like oh okay man you're the star of the show whatever you want i would go with the bonnie hunt show bonnie hunt is maybe my own favorite person i have oh my god right i love bonnie hunt she's the best and this show was incredible why do you think she doesn't do much anymore i think that she well she had the talk show for three or four years and she's got a lot of integrity she doesn't do things unless she likes them likes them yeah and so uh and i've told this everyone unfortunately has heard this a million times the podcast but i'll tell you it again because i can't go full up so without talking about bonnie hunt uh first of all it's a shame that whenever they mention women in comedy she never comes up yeah never and she so it in 1991 designing women most of the cast had left and they offered her a role on the show $60,000 an episode she read the descriptions that this is terrible i'm not doing it and went back to chicago to be a cancer nurse for $20,000 a year that was what she did she goes no it's it's not good i'm not doing it and she's from second city she's from second city she turned on us and l three times yeah because it wouldn't let her be a writer performer she turned down so many things because she's just like she's amazing and this was her second show the bonnie hunt show that she wrote and directed all the episodes the entire seasons really cool uh which is amazing and uh george hamilton yes there's in this episode i love love love this show and i absolutely would have watched that uh you're a tjf all night so at 8 30 you're watching boy meets world and this one core is caught in the middle when tepanga takes issue with shawn over his new pet pig the pet pig introduction was really one this show started a little silly uh you know on a pet pig uh it gets a little sudden something crazy i had a pet pig did you really yeah well i mean sort of i i lived uh so the second family that i lived with was like superty-duperty white trash uh we like would go grocery shopping at altis yeah alti yeah oh yeah so you're familiar um and like the so i moved into this house because when i was in like a seventh on the verge of eighth grade i was like i hate lori right the only person who's nice to me is randy uh i want to go live with my best friend erin willy right so we'll be like live running truly yeah i totally like that's exactly what i thought so i went and moved in in the like boonies in like uh ortonville michigan okay it's where kid rice bros that gives you any idea enough said with that um so i went and moved in with her and it was like right on the border of eighth grade and then like the second i moved in she like boomed started her period and then got pregnant like crazy wow is that what baward abominance it sounds like she dang it down like we went from being best friends to her being like hanging out with a different crowd she's an adult all the sudden basically and me being like what are you doing making out with all these boys at like 13 oh that's terrifying that is terrifying that it was it was really heartbreaking and she one of those people that kind of was like if i have a baby it will always love me or was it just like a total fucker in a total fucker but i this is like the story like so i moved in we were best friends it was great her mom was like this pretty big lady named lacy she's not the pig you're talking about nope um and her dad same deal really nice was the only one who was nice moustache moustache yeah yes moustache um big dude big irish dude yeah and then she had two brothers um matt who was older and then mike who was like the oldest and that was like bat shit crazy okay he later on burned down a church he like obviously he would carve into the wall dye abby like oh nice to the wall in the house and it wasn't german it wasn't german no and uh and so like erin and i best friends all of a sudden not best friends and i remember the night that erin told me that she had like lost her virginity she like lost it in a movie theater in our hometown and i wrote in my diary like i can't believe it so i'm obviously i have no idea in the movie theater oh my god and so um i wrote it and like i left for school that morning and i left my diary on my nightstand and her mom came in to turn off my night light at night like in the morning sorry and she knocked down my diary and when she picked it up it naturally opened to the last page that that i had written not uh first of all is that what she told you uh she didn't knock it off the table and it magically opened to the last page that's what she said she read your diary that's true that's true you're right i trust lacy we'll get to the pig in a minute but so she found out that her daughter had lost her virginity so then i was this horrible human being that had come into her house now you made her daughter listen to me and i'm in so she hated me for that you're clearly about it but also i think she hated me because clearly her and and me and erin were not friends anymore and that's when i went through like my jesus phase and i started going to this church because i had nobody else to turn to yeah that's when people go to church but this house was it was just such that the church the brother burned out was he trying to kill you die abbey she's in that church let me burn it up no i don't think so who knows maybe perhaps um but so uh like there was like horses that they had but yeah we had this pop belly pig named lily and she would eat um you know those like strawberry and vanilla like the the stick wafers yeah yeah um she like loved those traits and she was a big fat black pop belly pig and she would come into the house and they just had it as a pet yeah that's very very my my dad is obsessed with exotic pets which i've told you stories about before yeah but um he one time we were just chatting and he's like remember that pig we had and i went no he goes yeah sure we had that pig for like three years and i'm like no he's like yeah lived in the car and i'm like we had a pig that lived in our car and i'm he goes yeah well we only had one car and i go yeah no i remember the car i don't remember a pigleting car because yeah well i i was on that softball team and i'm like yeah and he's like and we were called the hogs i'm like okay and he just so we needed a mascot so i got that pig but the apartment was too small so it lived in the car oh and that was the moment i was probably maybe 22 when he told me this i went my childhood was so weird that at one point we had a pig that lived in our car and i don't even remember it was just like oh okay there's just a normal day so yeah it was a pop belly pig yeah it's a my dad's also kind of into exactly he had a monkey he had a monkey um you know i don't know he he he worked he like he was in like Panama for the war station to Panama but he got dishonorably discharged because he fell asleep at an ammunition bunker everybody stole all these guys well so what happened was his diary fell off the table and it happened to open on the page where he fell asleep and um yeah so that was um really really so he smuggled in a monkey from south america he didn't smuggle he never took it home okay he had the monkey while he was in Panama lulu was her name who didn't know what you know what i mean yeah you're playing poker you need someone watch it back yeah he just he loved living in Panama though he spoke to weed every day took a nap every day Panama's about eat some bananas siesta time hang out with your monkey friend yeah and then he came back to the states and he started selling ironing boards door to door carrying them all around uh well maybe it was an iron you know what it probably makes more sense that it was an iron i just pictured this guy with a giant briefcase full of ironing boards like it's like a huge and he said it didn't he said he didn't do it for very long because then he became an electrician but he did tell me one story about how he was like probably like 18 or something like that yeah and he um went to this woman's house and she was like oh if you come inside if you come inside the house i'll maybe i'll buy one and so oh i think i think that was my dad's way of telling me that he had lost his virginity when he was like 18 or so like sleeping from a cell woman he was selling ironing boards too isn't that crazy my dad told me his virginity lost story one day my dad got remarried this was recently and um there was a garden shop called mahonies you know it sounds like trees and stuff and my dad always talked about how the best time of his life was working at this garden shop when he was a teenager and Rachel my wife and i had just been there that day buying like some bushes or something and i was like oh we're at mahonies today and then he's like oh i love working there and then his wife goes yeah that's because you lost your virginity some girl that worked there in the middle of the pine trees and i was like here's me going oh he just enjoyed this his family life was terrible he just found the salvation working at this garden shop and i'm like oh that's why you liked it so much uh ruined it for me completely completely wow that's uh that is terrible that is a terrible so that is the end of the week we've gone through tgif i do feel the need to read what was on 2020 because it was the one show my parents didn't let me watch because i was nervous about everything that was on all the time and so this week john stausal is the correspondent for a hidden camera investigation into how some funeral homes can trick the consumer for a price for caskets and burials according to stausal common tactics used are emotional manipulation and misleading information about products purchased wow yeah that probably wouldn't have scared me but still uh and so as you know heavy tv guide is it's not just informative it has opinions it cheers and it jeers wow i would like to read you the cheers and jeers for that we can see if you agree or disagree okay it's a split week we have two cheers two jeers uh first is a cheers to abc's vcr alert for nbc's er in a most unusual series of tv and print ads designed to ensure that abc's murder one isn't killed in the ratings by megal pop mega popular er abc advised viewers to tune into murder one and tape er and their tagline was the choice isn't hard it's murder oh my god that's pathetic yeah please just tape the show please and i'm still watching the other one too but if you could just watch both you know maybe it's okay if you cheat on me but just like still go out with me maybe yeah that's i'm gonna agree with that cheer him and that's a lot of throws i did i had my own vcr and um i actually guilted my parents into buying a vcr initially because they wanted me to play t-ball so that i hung out with other kids so i said i will go if you get a vcr i can tape saturday morning cartoons which they did but then it was kicked off t-ball because the coach called me a little a fag and i hit him in the ball she was talking about earlier they called you a fag no that was a different coach um yeah i uh that happened a lot um i i ended up hitting this coach i did i really did yeah it's okay i don't know if i have a teenager it's all right it was boston too they called i understand i've heard people call hurricanes fags i'm not even i'm not even kidding like sincerely i i was i worked for this electrical company and we're selling these whole house generators that was just a kick in if you power one off yeah and we were trying to figure out how to market them and this board of directors old men were talking about what quote the fagiest hurricane was because they were like well we could talk about hurricane bomb and the guy was like that hurricane was a fan you know we want to talk about this one and i was like i can't believe this but i played t-ball i struck out in t-ball which is very difficult to do because you're not actually having a ball pitch that you they all made fun of me so i ran over and i hit the coach of the balls with a pet oh it's maybe six to be fair it is really embarrassing that you couldn't hit the ball and it's sitting perfectly stationary yeah i mean that's really my fault i hit a ball all right i think that was my thing i was like the poetic justice of i can hit balls how about these two uh yeah so i did tape a lot of stuff and um that's how i kind of started my tape trading hobby because i had all these tapes of stuff that i was able to convert onto dvd that's what's done with the whole thing so i just had tapes and tapes and tapes holy cow because that was my comfort thing like some people would go home and smoke pot or something i would go home and put on like that's an old saturday nightlife yes i'd be like ah yes very very warming uh so jeers to the rash of rash judgments involving cameras in the courtroom at least two decisions to ban tv coverage of high-profile trials have followed the oj trial with judges in the menendez retrial and the selena murders case ruling out cameras i disagree with that jeer i don't think we should have the cameras there tv guides like come on i man it's really weird that you because okay so this is really crazy the oj assumption trial to me equals in my mind me selling girl scout cookies because perfect it was crazy the verdict of the trial was on the same day as my mother's funeral was it really so everybody went back to my house for you know the reception basically after the funeral right and people were like watching the the tv to see what the verdict was going to be and me not knowing what the hell was happening i was like nine i was like in girl scouts yeah and i like they had like this huge prize for who who could ever sell the most girl scout cookies i can't even tell you what the prize was but i wanted to win i wanted to win so i went around on my mother's funeral and was like my mom just did you want to buy some girl scout cookies that's pretty good so the shit done yeah well everybody was like eating cookies all i remember is people eating these girl scout cookies while they were watching the oj assumption trial and when they announced the verdict everybody was so mad because they were of course convinced that he was guilty well because he was because he was guilty yeah and i i uh you want to know something i did not win that prize because some jewish bitch beat me both her parents died yes she was went on and be like um my whole family just started you know by double these amount of cookies yeah same day it's not nuts that's crazy uh but tagalongs are good food to eat while you're watching uh my trials yeah yeah wow that's very i remember i was in school and they they took us a lot of class and brought us to the auditorium and we all watched it and all that we had this program called metco where black kids inner city black kids would get shipped to the suburbs to go to our schools and uh so they all cheered and a fight broke out because some of the kids were like fuck you and then they started fighting in this auditorium about the oj verdict wow it was very i would have loved to have some girl scout cookies i wouldn't even have to have known that you had a definite family to eat those i would have i would have just sat there with a box of thin mints and just watched the fireworks yeah uh cheers to patricio wedding for cutting her losses the former 30 something star has decided to quit her new series cbs's courthouse after the show's eighth episode and who can blame her report say her hasty retreat is due to the old stand by creative differences was it it could have been it could have been or she could have been you know yeah uh cheers finally to the latest burning summer games controversy this one started the olympic flame telecasters already jockeyed for camera positions are being informed of the many restrictions concerning shots of the fire filled cauldron outside the main stadium the olympic torch burns free but once it's made its way to atlanta even the traditional symbol may go up for grabs well nbc's impressive four hundred fifty six million dollars for broadcast rights because you'd certainly buy access to every shot put and every shuttle caught declaring monopoly on the flickering tradition should seem un sportsman but i don't care about them they were they didn't it wasn't included in the broadcast rights you had to pay extra to show the flame because it's copy written by you serious i feel like i'm i am as enthusiastic about the olympics as i am today i just who cares i don't care yeah what do we greek i just i don't care yeah i agree i agree i'm indifferent on that year i don't care you're indifferent okay yeah agreed well abby thank you so much for doing the show my pleasure this was great yeah i think you should actually go and watch one episode of home improvement and then figure out a few okay i'll do that i'll do that i'll do that i will watch home improvement and i'll let you know we'll do a follow up and maybe you know that was abby launder very funny pretty fascinating person we probably could have done two or three more episodes just talking about some of that stuff uh from her growing up uh she's done a ton of other podcasts where she gets into that stuff and she definitely just search her on iTunes and you'll you'll find a lot of great stuff uh also definitely check out the riot la festival uh just riot uh i think it's riotla.com but you can google it i did no research to find that out uh there's only one riot la comedy festival so uh but definitely book a plane trip if you don't live in california and i will see you next week for an all new episode as always but please continue to email me like us on facebook you can tweet to me however you want to get in touch i always love hearing from everybody and we'll see you again next week for an all new episode of tv guidance council for whatever reason monsters don't scare me as much as real people with deformities