TV Guidance Counselor
TV Guidance Counselor Episode 37: Dan Boulger
- Wait, you have a TV? - No, I didn't like to read the TV guide. Read the TV guide, don't need a TV. (rock music) - Hello, and welcome to TV Guidance Counselor. I am Ken Reed, your TV Guidance Counselor. And this week, my guest is the very funny Savant of Boston Comedy, Mr. Dan Bolger. Also, why did I say the opening of this show like the TV phone guy, I miss my calling. But Dan Bolger is incredibly funny. He sort of started in the class behind me in that if I was a junior, he was a sophomore if comedy was high school, which in many ways it is. I started with guys like Josh Kahneman. He, right out of the gate, was always very funny. The way his mind works is fascinating to me. I always loved doing shows with him. He's one of the few guys that is still here in Boston and didn't move along with me, although he's much more successful. He's also been on the late show with Craig Ferguson. He's been on Comedy Central. He's a very funny guy. But before we get to that episode, I want to thank you all for coming out to the live event as New York Super Week had us down at the Brooklyn Brewery. And my guest was Amy Sideris. It was a lot of fun. So thank you guys so much for coming out to that. Hopefully we'll have more live events and they'll be not just in New York or Boston, but also in your town. So I'm looking to do that. And if you want me to come to your town, let me know. If there's a festival or some sort of event or a comic convention, let me know and I can see what I can do. On to this week's episode with my guest, Dan Bulger. (upbeat music) ♪ So what's on TV ♪ ♪ So what's on TV ♪ ♪ So what's on TV ♪ (upbeat music) - There's Mr. Dan Bulger. Hello, Dan. - Hi, everyone. - Welcome back to my home. You haven't been here for a while. - I've been, I came here to see a movie, two movies. - Yeah, we did a double feature. Must have been six months ago? - Six months ago. I don't remember what either from-- - One watch to Hercules. - One watch to Hercules. - Yeah, with Lou Ferrigno. - Yep. - Hercules of Lou Ferrigno we watched almost the same one. - And the next one I liked more. - Oh, The Adventures of Buckaroo Bonsie. - Yeah, yeah, I liked that one a lot, but I don't remember the name of it. - That's a great movie. - Yeah, that one had a lot of dudes in it. - Yeah, oh yeah, Jeff Goldblum's in it. Yeah, that's a great movie. - Yeah, yeah. - That's an underrated movie. - And not enough people in your age group have seen that movie. - No, no, no. A lot of people haven't seen anything in my age group. - That's true. - More and more people like haven't seen Fletch. - That's a shame. - That's a real shame. Like, I actually wanna call TNT, 'cause I feel like TNT is to put Fletch a lot. - Look at what now they show a lot of order all the time, and you can't show Fletch for showing a lot of order. - But if Fletch put a lot in order to just spun around too much. - That's true, that's true, Fletch. I would love to see a lot of order starring Fletch. - Yeah, there's always talk of a Fletch remake, which would-- - Yeah, Kevin Smith was gonna try to do one for a while. - With Zack Brath? - No, with Zack Brath, it was with-- - I would've assassinated Zack Brath. - Who's the skateboarder dude that's in Chasing Amy, and he's in like a bunch of Kevin's movies? - Not Jay. - Yeah, not Jay from Jansan Bob, the guy who plays the best friend in mall rats. - Oh, the guy who's like the clerk? - No, he's not in clerks. He's a skateboarder, his name's Jason Somethin. - I don't know, but it would've been bad. - Oh yeah, that would've been horrible. And that's maybe a top five. - Have you ever tried to read the books? - No. - They're very, very different. - Yeah, here at Fletch is like a pedophile in it or something. - I don't know, he's not a pedophile, but it's, the movies are very different from the books, and they were gonna try to make the new movies much more like the books. - Ah, no, it's still, then why call it Fletch? - 'Cause that's the name of the books. - Shit. (laughing) - If anything, the Chevy Chase one probably shouldn't be what we'll call that something up. - Yeah, well, just would you tell that. - Chevy Untitled Chevy Chase Perlin. - This Perlin R, it's just a Perlin R. - Yes, it's called, well, I didn't know Gina Davis was in this. (laughing) Part one. So you picked a TV guide from the week of October 16th. - Yeah, yeah, that's what I was so excited to be doing. - That's what I was so excited to be doing one of your things. - Oh, thank you. - You've always had fun things. - I try to have fun things. - Yeah, your show is really fun. - I don't think in order at the Comedy Studio, but in order to do it, you have to have possessions. - Yes, you do. - I don't, you don't have anything. Did you travel light? - I travel real light. I'm not a minimalist, but I lose a lot of things. - So it's not, it's unintentional simplicity as your life. - Pretty much, yeah, yeah. That's actually a great way to put it on your phone. - Yeah, you should name an album on it. - All right, I took an acting class and we needed to bring in five things that mean a lot to you. - When did you take an acting class? - I took one. I took one and one I lived in New York for a brief. - Oh, right, did you do that on your own volition, or did you really make me do it? - It wasn't pressured, but it was like, when you have a manager, you have to say you're doing things, so that he'll still take your phone calls. - So he'll still be your manager, right? - You can just go, "Hey, what are you doing?" "Nothing, no, I'm doing not doing it." - You had to bring five things to the acting class? - So I had to bring five things, but I didn't have anything. - Well, it's New York City, almost no one has anything. - Yeah, yeah, so I brought like a, Joe list, gave me a copy of David McCullough's 1976. - Okay. - I hadn't read. - Okay. - But I said I had read it. I brought Monty Python and the Holy Grail. - But you hadn't seen, but you said that. - No, I hadn't seen that. - To be sure you just didn't misunderstand, and the five things they wanted you to bring were five, one of them- - Everybody else brought like floss, floss. - Yeah, yeah. Everybody was really into their teeth. - Well, they would be their actors. - Yeah, yeah, so most of I had never took it again, 'cause I wasn't comfortable around them. - That's terrible. - Around them. - That's terrible. - Yeah, so you don't own a lot of things, and my house must be free. - I'm going through this. I've actually, I'm overqualified for this. I watch way too much TV. - You were surprised to find that out though. - I was. - You were like, I hardly watched any TV, and then you started looking, and you were like, I watched a lot of TV. - Yeah, well, you don't drink, right? - No. - So I didn't realize that I was pre-gaming to watching TV. I forgot there's like prime time that everybody- - Oh, yeah, yeah. - But I was watching To Save by the Bells, like two Seinfelds back to back. And the Atlanta Braves, 'cause the Atlanta Braves were always on after. - They're on TBS. - On TBS. - Yeah. - Just to fill space, but I was, I was. - So you wouldn't- - In that space up. - Are you a big save by the Bell fan? If someone were to ask you, Dan Bulger, are you a big save by the Bells fan? - Not enough to like, I bet I could, I could reference the max in conversation. - I mean, who can't? - I could come up with that. I remember, I, edge of tomorrow, the first thing that came to mind, I would say by the bell, the college, your theme song. - Right. - I'm standing at the edge of tomorrow. - Right. - Which, again, is really what your life is about. - Yeah. - You're standing at the edge of tomorrow. - Dan Bulger's story. - How did they all end up at the same college? - Convenient writing. - Convenient writing. - Or it could be called corporate laziness. - Hey, what, didn't one of us do no homework? - Yes, yes. - When we were on very different tracks in life, and we all ended up with the same fictional university. - Although it was a state though, right? - It was a state. - The world that that show takes place in may only have one college. There may only exist one university. - My biggest one, the biggest thing about was the, when they found oil, found oil. - Found oil? - At the school, and they were going to-- - Yeah. - Like, of course you would just move the school. - Yeah, yeah, you would. - They wouldn't be like, "We don't want to have this built around our school." - It's a fucking stuff. - It's a fucking stuff. - It's a very Beverly Hills Police-esque plot for a show. That's the kind of show that, like, if it was in a cartoon, it might be believable. But I have to imagine that there were hundreds of children all over the US who were just like, "Bull, shit." - Yeah, yeah. - I don't know anything about economics. - Also like, what kids, yeah, what economics? Like, who would bring, like, rich oil tycoons into a kid's show? - Old people. - So many of those shows were written. - Yeah, clearly by the time that episode happened, you could see the writers were getting into, like, their late 30s. - Oh, late 30s, more like late 60s. - Yeah. - It's always funny to me when there's a show aimed at kids that's clearly written by Grempas and they use, like, lingo and it happens less today. - But high school is actually worried about the income tax. - Yeah. - Well, why are they putting money away for social security? - I was talking about immigration. - Why is that complaining about it's sciatica so much? (laughing) - It's rude that they're 19 and divorced. So you're, like, 13, 14 years old. - How's 13, yeah, yeah. - Okay, just becoming a man. - Uh-huh. - Hadn't yet done your rum-springa. - Hadn't yet gone through your bar mitzvah. Even though you're in no way Jewish or Amish. - Kingpin was a big deal at the time. That probably would have made it into- - The movie kingpin? - To my TV watching. - The movie kingpin? - The movie kingpin. - Yeah, well Vanessa Angel's fantastic. - Oh yeah, she was great. - She was highly underrated as a comedic actress. She was very funny. - When else did she end? - She was in spies like us, actually, very briefly, but- - No way. - She's one of the Russian girls at the end. But she's probably most- - But she would blend in at that, and- - She was on Baywatch, but she was most probably well-known for playing Lisa, the computer genie, on the weird science television series. On USA Network. - I think I would have missed. - That was in the 90s. That was on USA Network. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - See, I missed a lot. I made notes of it. I missed a lot of cool things by being just too young to kinda get irony. - Gotcha, gotcha. Gotcha. - Like irony. - Well, not irony, but like weird science would have, you had to have been somewhat intelligent to get the humor of it, right? - I've never heard anyone describe weird science- - Really, is that not true? - No, actually the TV series was actually a- - I feel like people that like it were- - A little smarter. - People I would like. I don't like 13-year-old me one bit. - No, nobody did, probably. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. (laughs) - No, these people I don't think like the 13-year-old version of themselves. - That's fair. - Yeah, I would- - That's progress. - Yeah, I would venture to guess that if you do like the 13-year-old version of you, yeah, you have to run up to it. - Yeah, it is a big part. - Yeah, I think everyone, if they were to meet the 13-year-old themselves, would be hard-pressed not to give them a wishy. (laughs) - Yeah, 'cause 13-year-old me, 16-year-old me even hated 13-year-old. - Yeah, I hate- - That was a definite- - I hated teenagers so much. I still do. - Yeah, I think that's why I wasn't like, popular is I didn't like teenagers. - Yeah, I don't like kids. - I never enjoyed teenagers, I never liked kids. - And like, even when I was one, they're weird dumb in jokes or like, you ever go somewhere now, you're like, you're at the movies or something, and they'll be like making fun of you, but it won't make any sense. And it's clearly not even that funny, and they're like, they're just like, "Oh!" - Yeah, I was never good at those murders. - We'll murder all of you right now. - Yeah, yeah. - That's an important notice to have as a kid. - I've had many experiences in my adult life where I've had to borderline physically or strand myself from beating the absolute life out of a teenager. (laughs) - That's kind of cool. - You ran out during a show one time, and you said, "I'm gonna go kick that kid's ass." - Oh, yeah, that was it. - Was it the old improv boss? - Yeah, yeah, that's right. Oh, I was at the height of some bad head space, yeah. - Really? - Yeah. - Oh, yeah. - 'Cause I had no idea you were like a karate guy at the time. - Oh, yeah, I did martial arts for a number of years. - Oh, 'cause we didn't go help Ken. - I hold two black belts. - Yeah, yeah. - Like, I didn't want to fight anybody, but I also felt you would have been pounded. - You thought I'd be pounded? - I didn't know. You're into, like, stuff that's kind of generally considered nerdy. - Yeah, yeah, I would think so. - But you also can fight. I didn't know you could fight. - Yeah, I'm a little out of shape now, though. I, you know, I had used to have a lot more rage issues. Yeah, those guys were like being douchebags. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and then I chased them out of there and then ran after them. - It's amazing that show didn't have more of that because it was a show, kind of, especially in the Walsh administration. - Yes, yes, this was a show. - It was a show based on BYOB. - It was. So, like, teenagers were coming in all the time. - Oh, absolutely. - It was just amazing there wasn't more douchery. - Well, the thing is, I think that a lot of those teenagers, number one, there were a lot of cool, sort of hip teenagers, though. - Yeah, yeah, see, I wasn't one of those kids. - But the other thing was, I think if they're drinking underage at a show, at a cool comedy show, they probably don't want to rock the boat too much. The people that would douche you were like 25-year-old dudes who are trying to impress, like, their girlfriends. - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah, yeah. I haven't gotten in that many fights at shows, maybe two or three, in 10 years. That's not bad. - That's pretty good. - That's not bad. - I'm a bit of one. - At a show. - No, is it a bar? - Did you start it? - So, you're not really a fighter. - No, no, no. I think I started it. The guy was an asshole when I punched him. - Wasn't it? - You punched him but? - I punched him. - This surprises me. - Yeah. - Did it affect him in any way? - Yeah, no, he bled blood everywhere. - You got him right in the nose? - Yeah, I got him right in the nose. I don't think I would've won if I didn't get him in the nose. - Yeah, well, a fight should not last more than 10 seconds. - This one did not. - And I didn't realize, I don't think I threw the first punch. - So, were you going this time? - I thought I was trying to throw the first punch certainly by the way. - Were you hammered? - Yeah. - Dan used to drink a lot before he got diabetes. (laughing) - Side note, side note, damage, diabetes. - No, but yeah, I hardly remember the fight and I woke up and I just had fucking blood all over me. - But it wasn't your blood. - Wasn't my blood. - Well, that's always good. - Yeah, yeah. - That's cool. - I'm glad it happened. - Yeah, it's the opposite of, if you ever sit on a public toilet seat in the winter and you go, "Oh, the seat's warm." And then you go, "Oh, the seat's warm." - So, you don't have that feeling. - Yeah. - I'm just happy for the warmth. - See, I would imagine that waking up would be like, "I'm covered in blood." "Oh, it's not my blood." We'd be the opposite of that. - I'm bad. - Yeah. I used to work at a radio station and some sort of an alt-rock radio station. And the guy who was the- - Which one? - Was called WF-N-X. It isn't a lot of us. - I love WF-N-X. - It is no longer with us, sadly. But the promotions director was, this keep you drank a lot and there was a futon in the office, like in the space where you would come in and I worked on the morning show, so we'd get in there like three or four in the morning. So, one morning I'd get in there at three or four in the morning and this kid's naked on the futon covered in blood. (laughing) So, we wake him up and we're like, "What happened?" He's like, "I don't know." And then he goes, "It's not my blood." And then he fell back asleep and then no one ever found out what happened. So, he could have totally just like killed the guy and no one ever, we never found out. - Andy Rock, man. - Andy Rock, man. So, we're in October, 1999. I'm in my first year of college this year at the illustrious Northeastern University. - You're down on Northeastern. - Oh, I'm usually down on it. It was a terrible story. - Partly the King went. - Did he? - Did he? - I don't think so. - Oh, is that for you? - I don't know, probably. - One of those. - Almost no one of them went to Northeastern. Now, Jane Curtin went to Northeastern. That's the only good. - Reggie Lewis. - Reggie Lewis, yeah, and where did he end up? - Dead. - He's dead. - I've blamed Northeastern. - Yeah. - I've blamed Northeastern. I went to school with the kid who invented Napster. I went to school with Damian Fahey. I went to school with, there was someone else who was famous that I went to Northeastern with. - Napster was fucking awesome. - Yeah, that kid was in some of my classes freshman year. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I love Napster. - I got in the comedy largely because of Napster. - 'Cause you heard comedy albums or you needed to pay off debts from being sick. - Oh, I got all the hicks and those guys. - Oh, Bill Hicks, you got the maps? - Yeah, never. 'Cause those guys suck if like Pandora. Bill Hicks on Pandora wouldn't be good. You need a whole album for somebody. - Yeah, he's not a snippets guy. - Yeah, he's a quick snippet of an angry man. - Yeah. It doesn't work in small bits. - Yelling about the first goal for. - Yeah, and you're like, I don't understand exactly what happened next, but sorry. - So, 99, you're 13. On Saturday night, eight o'clock, what are you going with? - Oh, oh, all right. Well, some of those gonna be kind of boring 'cause it just says comedy. - It just says comedy. - Under Comedy Central. - Oh, 'cause I think those are the comedy central presents that would have had like, gaff again. - Sort of, it was pre-comedy central presents and it would just be comedy showcase. So they would just show sort of a random stand up. - Really? 'Cause wasn't that the era of like, the good comedy central presents with the first wave of them? - Mm, 99, it may have been. I was kind of-- - 'Cause like, Hedberg would have been-- - I had sort of checked up with it. Well, this night, it's Damon Waynes and Margaret Cho for an hour. - I would have, I would have, I would have muscled through that. - Really, so were you one of those people who would just watch any stand up on television? - Yeah, maybe not quite by '99, but by like '02, I think a lot of my like, '01, '02. - See, I was completely checked out of TV by the, I mean, I was, when I was in college, I was watching a lot of movies and stuff and I definitely wasn't watching new stand up. Like, I kind of checked out around-- - Yeah, yeah, I think I watched whatever was on but also like, it's kind of slim pickens at this particular thing. - Well, cops is on, which is always my go-to and in this particular cops, they're in Palm Beach and an alleged trespasser is hit by a clerk claiming that he was trying to stop a shop lifter in a wheelchair. - I only remember one thing about cops, it's the Southie episode. - The My Mother's a Fag episode? - Mother's a Fag, yeah, it's so funny. - Yeah, we used to, I don't know if you remember, we used to show that clip. - No. - So there's an episode of cops where they're in selfie and this mother calls the cops on her son who keeps saying that she's a Fag. Yeah, and the kid's name is Patrick. - It's a little Eric Cart looking kid. - Yeah, it's a little Fag in Patrick and he's like, and the cops go, "Come on, Pat, "what's the problem here?" And then the mother goes, "He didn't want to go "and his uncle's a boat "and he's supposed to be on the punishment." I have this whole thing memorized, right? And he's like, "Why aren't you listening to your mother, Pat? "'Cause she's a Fag." And then the guy goes, "Pat, you know what that means "when you say someone's a Fag, "you shouldn't call anyone a Fag, "let alone your own mother," which is such a great quote. And he's like, "Pat, you're just having a problem here." So we used to do a bit where-- - How do the cop not lose it? - 'Cause it's so dandy, that probably happens every day. When a horrible place. So I used to show this clip at shows and say that I knew this kid. And then Sean Sullivan, who's been on the show before is a large gentleman, would come out dressed as him as the adult him, and then we would re-enact for that. Yeah, we did it a few times. But the real kid is from Southeast, his name's Patrick Pickup. - As he sees, he's gotta be a legend. - No, well, so here's a funny story someone shared with me. So because I would show this clip at shows, people would email me or come up to me after and talk about this kid. And so he'd be a great get for the podcast-- - Oh my God! - So this guy was a youth basketball coach. - And-- - He is now? - Yeah. - Okay. - And so at one point, a ref made a bad call and he called the ref a cunt, and the ref goes, the ref goes, would you say that to your mother? And he goes, my mother's dead. And then a kid on the team goes, your mother's not dead, she's a fag. Everybody knows that. This guy must have been holding on for decades to use this, to use this. Just waiting for the right moment. - Oh, that's Patrick Pickup. - Yeah. - Oh, you gotta get him on. He'll come on. Of course he'll come on. - I don't know, you think he would? - I would like just an interview with him, like an interview with Patrick Pickup, like an interview style interview of like, what was, like, I bet he rode that through high school. - Well, I was the kid who called my mother a fag on cops. - He was on cops. - Come on, it's a kid. - Patrick, you know what a chins warrant is, Pat? Children in need of service, you want to be one of those kids, someone telling you what to do, telling you what not to do. And then he starts crying and he goes, what do you think it is every day of my life? And he goes, come on, Pat. I'm hurting my neck, talking to you. Why don't you sit on the couch and he goes, "I don't want to sit on her furniture." I could do a one man show of just the Patrick Pickup story and do all the parts. That's how many times I've seen an episode of cops. - Oh my God, 'cause I remember from pre-com, it was definitely, it was a 90's. - It was 91. - That was a 91, I think that must be. - I have a copy of it, I can make you a cop. - I would like it. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - That's got to be on YouTube too, it has to be. - It's not, it's not. - Is cops pretty protective of YouTube? - I believe so. There's not a lot of cops footage on YouTube. - Why would it be? - I don't know, that's their cash cow. - It's on TV, frequently. And the FAG one very rarely re-ears, as you can imagine. (laughing) - Fucking PC. - Yeah, it's just Obama. You shouldn't call anyone a FAG one. - Let alone your own-- - Let alone your own BAG one. - Probably. - So that's what I'm going with. So you're going for the whole hour on comedy? - Well, now eight to eight 30. And then from eight 30 to nine, it's to show out a question about it. Also, I said I may watch, I was under the impression it represents, so maybe not. - Okay. - I watched a lot of Maryville children in this era. - Yeah. Not a good show, a good show. - It's one of those things. - Not a good show. - I watched it a lot, and I have no recollection. - It's not a good show, especially in the late 90s. So this show had been on for about 12 years. - There were two husbands. There was Jefferson. - Jefferson was Steve. - Yeah, Steve was on for the first three seasons, then he was replaced with Ted McGinley as Jefferson for the majority of the run of the show. - Yeah, I vividly remember Steve's, like, letter to Marcy of I'm leaving. - Oh, the Deere John letter? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a big Broadway actor, actually, that actor, and he left the show. - No way. - Yep, and they were poisoned with Ted McGinley, who's considered to be television poison. He was added to the cast of many, many series at the tail end of the run, Happy Days, The Love Boat. He's great in Revenge of the Nerds, though. He seems like a caregiver. - Yes. - He's putting it before it dies. - Yes. - Just walk it to its grave. - Give it to his grave. - Yes, he's like a sin eater. So, yeah, it's not a great show, and I would have gone with, on an MTV, there was a thing called Ultrasound, which was a documentary about MTV's original VJs, this particular episode about Martha Quinn. - Oh, I didn't pick anything from MTV. - Ah, but it's such a good stage. - Yeah, the VJs were a big deal to me, and I watched the TRL at that time. - Who was your favorite VJs? - But again, I watched it on a Z-time TV, I watched TRL every day. - What were you doing? Why weren't you in school? - Huh? - Talking about the summer? - No, you'd get home at like three. - Yeah, so you'd watch from three o'clock on, and you'd put TRL on. - Three o'clock on, yeah, yeah. - 'Cause when I was-- - Which I never, I don't have recollection of watching it is, but then I realized I was just in a coma. - Yeah, just background, just zoned out. Yeah, TRL came after. Actually, the kid who went to Northeastern with them, he hosted TRL for a while. But TRL, when I was growing up, was called Dial MTV, and it was like a request for MTV. - Okay, yeah. - This is about Martha Quinn, original VJ Martha Quinn, who everybody loved, and I definitely would have watched this. 9 o'clock, what'd you go with? - Um, 9 o'clock, we are going with, oh, 1998 Godzilla with Matthew Broderick. - Awful. - I liked it, yeah, I was 13. - Were you a Puff Daddy fan? Is that why? - Yes. - Really? - Of course I was. - Oh, I'm so sorry. - I was a Puff Daddy, I was in the mace. - I don't know mace. - Mace had a speech impediment. - Okay. - A legitimate list. - Nice. - He was a rapper. - Was his name Mace? - His name was Mace. - Is that Mace? - I think he would say Mace. - I'm Mace. Wow, that's pretty bad. - Yeah, yeah, bad, bad speech. - So you liked a lot of hiphead. - But I also like, I had never heard the Zeppelin, that was when Puff Daddy did the Zeppelin song. - Yeah, he took cashmere. - He had cashmere. - I remember he was on SNL. - Jimmy Page played it with him on-- - But he thought he was so bad at it. - Who was the host to be like, I remember the host. - It was from X-Files. - Do you cover me? - To cover me. - Okay. - That's a good episode. - It's a pretty good episode, yeah. - The two episodes of the company hosted were very, very good. - Yeah, yeah. - But the one with Puff Daddy, he thinks he's like super badass, 'cause at the end he starts all screaming, and he's all like, you can see my toe! - Yeah! - There's a big line on that one. You stupid hoes, you step in on my toes. - Why do people respect him? 'Cause he's a piece of shit. - He's, yeah, he's everything that's wrong with-- - He's untalented. - He's got a lot of money. - He's got a lot of money. - He seems like the rich kid with a pool of-- - Yeah, he's not charming-- - He's almost like a Don King quality to him, the boxing promoter. - But he's not sure, Don King has that flin-flam man, fast talkin', kind of, you know, like he knows what's goin' on and seems smart. If you ever hear Sean Combe speak, he sounds like he's a head injury. - Yeah, yeah. - He's don't, like he sounds real. - No, he really had nothing, and he was the biggest deal for a while. - How? - It helped. - How did that happen? - Well, it helped the fuckin'-- - He broke the wave of Biggie Smalls death. - The two biggest guys died. - So he was the only one left. - So he was almost like, not number three guy. - Well, Dan, that's my plan here in Boston with comedy. As soon as you die or move, I get moved up. (laughs) You're the only one that's standing in my way. - 'Cause it's fine playing with a bunch of other dudes. (laughs) - I will be the pup daddy. I'll do comedy with Jimmy Page. - I just have a deli ticket. - Yeah, I'm just waitin' on this for my time. - Number seven's gonna come in any day. - Yeah, the '98 Godzilla, 'cause I love Godzilla growing up, and I actually really like Matthew Braggrick as well. - Did you see the new Godzilla? - I haven't, did you? - No, no, I haven't. I decided to go with 22 Jump Street instead. - Oh, how was that? - I don't remember anything. - Yeah, so that's probably good. Yeah, I mean, I grew up watching all the Godzilla movies from the '60s and '70s. - Yeah, I love Godzilla. - Being Converse, Godzilla, I don't understand that. There was a mega-Godzilla. - Mega-Godzilla, yeah, Mega-Him and Iron. - Yeah, well, it's a robot Godzilla. - Robot. - I always liked the Mothra ones. Mothra was my favorite. Guter-a is the three-headed Godzilla. I loved Ultraman, all that catchy stuff. - I've seen a Gould's podcast, the original Godzilla, it's supposed to be one of the best movies ever. - Yeah, it is very good, and it's very serious movie. - Yeah, yeah. It's a criterion just put out a Blu-ray on it that's very, very good. - No way. - Yeah, it's very worth watching. It's interesting to, when you realize that the original Godzilla came out less than 10 years after we dropped an A-bomb on Japan. - Yeah, yeah, which was Dushy. - Yeah, that is sort of a Dushy thing to do for the most part. - All true, especially the second one. - Yeah, yeah, that's true. - A lot of people working out on the second one. Oh, the first A-bomb wasn't good for you. How about a second? - Yeah, that was, that was rough. - They shouldn't, that's 'cause they always say Hiroshima and Nagasaki. - Yeah, but we really, each one is worth its own movie. - That's not an and. - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah, yeah. - That's a two chapters. - That's like two holocausts. You know that holocaust, and then the other one? - Holocausts, that holocausts. - Yeah, no, no, it should really have its own. You should really focus on that one as well. - Yeah, and Godzilla is a pretty good reaction to what sort of a society feels after that sort of thing has happened, which a lot of people discredit. They did get very goofy later, and the US re-edits were even goofier. - Well, yeah, though, I'm sure the Badty Broderick one's just awful. - It's the one where I don't think Matthew Broderick was really in movies after that. - He did a lot of stage stuff. - Yeah, he did a lot of stage stuff. - He did a lot of stage stuff. - He did a lot of stage stuff. - All right, he did a lot of action right after. - Yeah, election was on the top and like to do this. - Election's such a great movie. It's a great book too, but election's one of the few movies I can think of where the movie changed the ending of the book and improved on the book. - See, that's the problem. - Two or three movies I can think of. - 'Cause I'm from and era. It's not right, everybody has it, but I haven't gone back and watched a lot of movies, so I've seen Godzilla, but I haven't seen election. - You should see election. - Yeah, election's very, very good. - Okay. - That's a great movie. The theater on a date. That's pretty awkward. - And Saturday is really just a precursor to SNL. I was a big SNL guy at this moment. That's not prime time. - No, but that's all right. I mean, I checked out on SNL around this time, actually. - That was a Colin Quinn. I'm one of the few that like Colin Quinn is the new guy. - He was a really bad news guy. - I mean, every single statement he made sounded like a question. - But it took everything-- - Today, President Clinton. - I think he's a really good stand-up. - He's a great stand-up. - Like taking all of his strengths and just taking them away. - Yeah, it wasn't a good vehicle for him. It was strange that that was his role on that show, 'cause I always liked it. I loved him on remote control on MTV. I always enjoyed his stand-up, but he was, he might be my least favorite weekend update anchor ever. - Ooh. - Ooh. - Yeah. - I think it's got, I don't, I didn't like foul. - No, I didn't like foul. I stopped, I'm not paying attention to your 2000. I don't count. You've found it was too smug and smirky about his own jokes. - Yeah, yeah, I like the idea of a man just reading the news. - Yeah, I, so this is Heather Graham is hosting. Mark Anthony's the guest. This is Fallon, Feral and a guest are Daryl Hammond, Chris Catanton, Meadows, Chris Parnell, Tracy Morgan, Terry Collin, Quinn. - Yeah, yeah, that would be my SNL class. - That's your SNL class. - That's my SNL class. - I was gonna open for Chris Catanton. - Really? - And I think it, it got canceled by popular demand. - Yeah, I can't imagine if he has much excited about it. Like, as excited as I've ever been to open for anybody. - Have you opened for anyone from SNL? - Open for Dennis Miller. - Oh, that's right. - Yeah, yeah. - See, I loved Dennis Miller. - I think Dennis Miller's awesome. - His stand-up was great. I loved him. - Yeah, and I disagree with like everything he says, but I'm like, that's a great joke. - Well, he lost his mind after the night of the night. - No, I feel like I've met someone else. - He was the first celebrity you met that you watched on TV growing up. - Gellifenakis, maybe? - You watched Gellifenakis on TV growing up? - Yeah, well, they had the H1 show. - Oh, that's right, he did, he had the talk show. - Yeah, yeah. That was on it this time. - So Chris, what was that dude's name? Chris, something, he had a talk show on VH1. - Uh-huh. - He was really annoying. Ah, I can't remember his name. But yeah, so that was a decent episode of SNL. At nine o'clock on Saturday night, I'm going with martial law, which is an hour-long cop drama starring martial artist, Chinese martial artist Simo Hong. Amazing, never even heard of it. Simo Hong started in a group called The Seven Little Fortunes in China. They were circus kids, basically, with Jackie Chan and Yoon Buu, and the whole group was an amazing martial artist. - Oh, so Jackie's like Ricky Martin to their Minutale. - Sort of, although, yeah, Simo Hong is older than him. - Yeah, yeah. - But yeah, so it was a great show. Martial law, it was a really fun show. You played a Chinese cop. - Cool. - It was good. - It was one of the few shows I watched in 99. - All right. - Sunday night eight o'clock, what are you going with? - Do, do, do. Oh, here's where it gets confusing. All right, Sunday, October 16th, 17th. - 17th. - 8.30, same deal, it just says comedy. - But at eight o'clock, we can kind of come. This is really the era where we're getting into standup. - So you're just watching all the standup you can on television. So comedy, on Comedy Central, it's Stripes is on. - From eight to 8.30? - From, no, from eight to 10.30 on Sunday night Comedy Central is showing Stripes. - Well, some channel just said comedy. - Oh, I don't see it in here. - Or maybe that's a, I know, I know what happened. All right, well, then that's fine, 'cause I put that from Saturday. - Okay. - 'Cause we had a little confusion. - Yes, there was some Dave confusion. - All right, well then I'm just taking, 'cause from eight, 30 to nine, I was gonna watch the last half hour of Michael. - Yes. - Which, John Travolta. - The Angel movie, which on? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yes. - Again, is it good? - No, it's not good. - It's a terrible movie. - I remember as a kid enjoying the thing where Michael had invented the line. - Yes, yes. - He was like, yeah, I invented the line. He's like, hey, everybody's just standing around. Why not make a line? I remember his 13 year old be like, hey, it's-- - That's pretty funny, I thought. - It's pretty funny. - Yeah, that was not a good movie. I saw that movie in the theater. This was the time when I was going to see pretty much every, every week, every Wednesday from 1982 to 2002, I went to the movies, never missed a Wednesday. - I should do that. - You should, although this is not as much worth seeing now, but from '98 to like 2002, I was going like three, four, five times a week, 'cause I knew kids that would get me in the theater for free. So I saw everything. - Yeah, Michael, TV Guide gives Michael two stars from 1996. John Travolta's considerable charm and live in this tale about a slovenly skirt chasing angel who changes the lives of the reporters who are sent to interview him. - Was he skirt chasing? - Apparently. - According to the guys. - Oh, yes, he was getting some clothes. - He's skirt chasing. He's an angel, whatever. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Wouldn't be like an angel. - But then the girl was like, I just fucked an angel. - Yeah, which is the reverse of the movie "Date with an Angel" from 1985. Have you ever seen that movie? - You should check out "Date with an Angel" starring Phoebe Keitz. - Does it just focus on the one date? - Yes, it's just one date. You only have one date with an angel. - An angel? - Yeah. It'd be funny if it was just a movie about someone-- - She's still not gonna see him again. - Yeah, she's like-- - Look at her, a bad boy. - I'm pretty busy with a whole angel thing. Yeah, I'd be funny if that was just about someone dating someone on the angels. - That was your date? Well, it proved the existence of God. - Yes. - But that to be fair is just pretty boring. - Yeah, but I don't know. I'm thinking of over to Seattle. It seems like kind of a prude. I don't really want to get involved right now. So you watched the last half hour of that at nine o'clock, what are you all with? - Well, that goes to nine. And then it just says the NLCS baseball. - Okay. - I think I liked baseball at this point. I stopped liking baseball. - 'Cause you're a big sports fan. - That's not really true. - No, it isn't. - I only like basketball. - Okay. I only like-- - And I watch football because it's on. - But it's boring. - Football? - See, I don't like sports at all, but the only sport I would go watch is basketball because when I was growing up in the 90s, no one cared about Celtics. - Yep. - And you could go to the games for free. - Yeah, yeah. I was for a one point in like 97, I was considering doing like my homework. - At the garden. - Like, hey, there's like eight dollar tickets. - Yeah. - I'll just go spread out in the bleachers. - Oh yeah, and they'd be playing your room. That's what we would do in the winter if we were hanging around in town. - Yeah. - And we would go. And then if the game was like 10 minutes in, they would just let you in. - Yeah, yeah. See, that didn't quite happen. They were bad this year for the first time in a long time. - And it didn't happen again. - And it didn't quite happen 'cause it hasn't set in that we suck yet. - Right. - This year I really feel like the bleachers are empty. - Yeah. - And I'll be back in there doing my homework. - Sir, if you're in Boston this winter and you're looking for some money, I mean, you have no money and you're looking for a warm place to spend some time. - 15 bucks. - Just go to the garden. Probably free. They'll probably pay you 15 bucks. - Yeah, you get to watch the other team. - That's true. - That's true. - That's true. - So I would watch basketball, but yeah, all of the sports, I'm just not up, not up. - Football's not that fun. Football's on, 'cause I could say. - It's like 30 seconds a week. - One in the afternoon and a Sunday, what are you gonna watch? - Anything. - Yeah, the soccer is maybe realized how boring football is 'cause I don't like soccer, but at least it's like 45 minutes straight, half time, 45 minutes again, done. Football though, Super Bowl is like a Madonna concert in the middle for no reason. - Football's the worst. I definitely would not have watched baseball. - Oh my God, yeah. And you know what? - I would have been sparingly watching this 'cause it was the National League. - I would have watched the remake of the Outer Limits. So this was a '60s sci-fi show that was sort of like Twilight Zone. In the '90s, they remade it for show time. It was actually very, very good, the remake. The pilot episode started Bo Bridges, and it was called The Sand Kings, which was a really good episode. But this one is an explosion on Earth. - Not ever like Sand is a villain. - Oh, you would have been this. They were, they're actually like sentient scorpions. It's actually a story about playing God. It's a pretty good, heavy story. But this one is an explosion on Earth triggers distrust on rival military bases on Mars. Joan Chen's in this episode from Twin Peaks, and Adam Baldwin, and not part of the Baldwin club. - I called a Baldwin by the round Baldwin once. - When'd you meet a Baldwin? - An Aspen and I was seven. - Okay, which Baldwin was it? - I still don't know, but I know, somebody explained to me it was not the right Baldwin. - That's pretty bad, that's pretty bad. - I'm not surprised that you did that. - Whatever, he was there promoting a movie. - Yeah. - But that's what Baldwin's do. - Couldn't have gone well. He looked, he was handsome. - Well, the Baldwin's are handsome. - Dan hands. - Yeah, then it wasn't Billy. - It wasn't Billy. Okay, it might have been Steven, 'cause that's all right, is there Steven or Daniel? - Does Daniel Baldwin's the kind of husky one who's in the movie Vampires? - No, this guy was an husky. - Oh, maybe it was Steven. - Was it kind of goofy, blondish? - Yeah, he had black hair, but he seemed kind of, he wasn't-- - The gentleman? Wasn't Alec? - It definitely wasn't Alec. He wouldn't have been on any party, I was-- - Well, you never know. - No, no. - I always thought Dan Bulger and Alec Baldwin probably run in the same circles. So, so that's Sunday night, is that the whole night? - Yeah, that's-- - Yeah, that's what the baseball is for ever, man. Well, that's the other thing, it says baseball only goes until 10.30, but that was another thing about baseball, is there's no way. - You never know. - It wasn't discovered until Tivo was invented, but baseball never ends when the channel says it shouldn't, and you always have to record the next three shows. - Yeah, you can't predict baseball. - And it will mention on that night was made for TV movie called Mr. Rock 'n' Roll, the Allen Fried story, who is the DJ that coined the term rock 'n' roll, is credited with it. But this starts New Hampshire's own Judd Nelson of the Breakfast Club as Allen Fried. - Judd T. Nelson? - Not Judd T. Nelson. - Uh-huh. - Pickin' Craig T. Nelson? - Oh yeah, pickin' Craig T. Nelson. - From Coach? Now this is Judd Nelson from the Breakfast Club, and this one Judd Nelson plays the title role in this 1999 Made for TV biopic in the early 1950s, Cleveland Districty, Allen Fried, decides to play a new kind of music on his radio show. I would've been intrigued to watch this, but it probably would've been very bad. - I just don't get how, like, was his life exciting? - Because of it? - Allen Fried. - I guess it was probably an exciting time. - It was probably an exciting time for other people, but not necessarily for him, he's playing the song. - But he was at the center of it. - Yeah, you know. - The eye of the hurricanes, never that. - That's a good point. That's a good point. - Was that exciting? I didn't think I'd be that point. - Maybe a network executive. If someone comes and pitches you the Allen Fried story, he'd be like, "Oh, the eye of the hurricane's not there." - This guy's life would suck. - Yeah, yeah. - He's just a radio DJ. It's not like he's finding guys at a station covered in blood that isn't theirs. - Yeah, yeah. See, that'd be a movie. - Monday night, eight o'clock, what's your pick? - Oh, this is a Monday. So basically, I think right up until, like, 9/11, I was really into wrestling. - Did 9/11 specifically ruin wrestling for you? - It may have. 'Cause I don't think I watched it after it for like three weeks. And in that three weeks, I may have discovered. - It takes about three weeks to detox yourself. - Once you don't do anything for three weeks, it's kind of over. - I think a lot of drug addicts would disagree with you. - I mean, no, but they've gone three weeks without it. - Yeah, they go right back. - A lot of people go three weeks and go, "Hey, that's it, never again." - Yeah, I never need to eat hot dogs again. - Yeah, yeah. - Have you not eaten them? - Oh, I probably haven't had a hot dog in a long time, just because I don't know if I've had a hot dog in a year. - 'Cause of the diabetes. - No, just because I think there must have been a three week stretch, and I must have just never picked it back up. - So your theory is, if you don't do anything for three weeks, you'll never do it again. - There's an excellent chance you'll never do it again. - Okay, you should write a book about that. I think you can-- - Bears when they hibernate, whole new bear when you come out. - That sounds like something you could legitimately get on Dr. Phil with. Like if you're like, "Dang, well, just three week miracle," you get through a three, here's the secret. You don't do it for three weeks, you're cured. - No, but there's a good chance. I would always take months off of drinking. - Yeah. - And there would always be a point by week three, it'd be like, "What if I just never--?" - Yeah, but then how soon do you start drinking? - Oh, like the second I went back, I'd be like, "Wow, what the fuck?" - What was I thinking? - Yeah, 'cause I mean-- - The feeling would pass quickly. - And what did it take to get the fuck to-- - But there was a thought in there that like, "Hey, maybe never." - Well, yeah, I have lots of thoughts that never happened. - Yeah, yeah, but the only way to ever happen is to have the thought. - Well, yeah, but there's a big, huge gap between those two things. (laughing) There's a huge amount of ground to cover between having the thought and making it happen. - It's an actual doing of stuff, yes. - That's really the issue, not the thinking of it. - All right, well, I think my theory has more legs. - Yeah, no, I think you could sell that book. I think a lot of people would buy it. - Oh, cool. - But now the problem is I have to write the book. - Well, think about it. - I'll think on it. - Yeah, here's the thing. Don't not write the book for three weeks, and then you'll always write the book. (laughing) - No, you'd never write the book. - No, if you didn't not write it, if you only wrote it for three weeks. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Now it can seem like it could be a thin book. - No, it'll work. Well, it doesn't need to be a thick book. - Who says they need to be like, who says books have to be long? - All right, that was my complaint at most. - Yes, 30 pages, a lot of pictures. So eight o'clock, I'm going with Antiques Roadshow. - Hey, that guy plays the studio. - Yes, he does. - He does. - And Gary Summers, who is the pop culture expert on the Antiques Roadshow, does stand up comedy occasionally. He hasn't done the comedy studio in quite a while. - Not quite a while. - Yeah, he didn't recognize me last year. I went to a major Antiques Fair and tried to get him to cut me a deal on some vintage T-shirts, and he wasn't having it. - Oh, he did. - But he has a nice guy, he has a nice guy. - It's like, every guy needs a good mechanic in your mechanic friend. You need like an Antiques friend. - Yeah, I mean, I could be an expert on the Antiques Roadshow for some of those things. - For some of them, yeah. - I mean, it's funny that you hear my house is probably the exact opposite of your house where you travel, where you live very late, and I am the absolute opposite. To the point where Dan didn't recognize the recorder that we're recording this on as a recorder. - Yeah, I thought it might have been like a candle, a fancy candle. - It's like a decoration, or a fancy candle, 'cause that's what my house is like. - Nixon would have had no trouble with me. - No. - Like it could have been right on note, no need to put it in the desk. - You recorded everything that you did. Although, you know, I feel like you wouldn't have been that much of a threat to Nixon. - I get loose lips. - That's true, that's true. I've seen Dan sink in upwards of nine ships. Personally, do not play battleship with Dan Bulger. That is, if you take one thing away from this conversation. - Say something, it was a Titanic. - It was. - It was sung by an iceberg. - It was loose lips. - Loose lips. - Yep. - Good ol' loose lips, McGillica. - Who killed those chambers to fill with water? - Yeah, Mr. Loose lips, he was on that train boat. So yeah, Antiques Roadshow, I'm going with, I still watch it, love the show, always watch it. I had given up on wrestling by the time that I had pubes. - Yeah, yeah, well, that's just something hit around the time I was a little older than this, and it was 9/11. - Well, this in '99, correct me if I'm wrong, 'cause I had checked out by wrestling at this point, but this was the whole N-W-O-S. - Yeah, Austin 3/16. - And, you know, looking back at it, it was the perfect thing of what you think a 13-year-old thinks of badness. - Yeah, it's boobs and people drinking. Looking back at, like, the baddest guy is this guy, Steve Austin, who was only his big thing was he drinks beer. - What a bad-ass, and we call it more jeans than a leather vest. - Bad, bad-ass. This guy is drinking a beer. - You didn't eat a leather vest all the time? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - A leather vest and jeans. - I remember my dad went in and went out. - Also, no athleticism. - No. - No, a semblance of athleticism. - Yeah, some muscles. My dad went to a Wilson's-- - I'm dead. - A little bit. My dad went to a Wilson's leather store that was going on a business, and he bought himself a leather vest. And I remember him showing it to me. I went over his house and he goes, "Wow, look what I bought." Although, I guess you probably think it's kind of gay. (laughing) And I was like, "I did not, and you clearly do." If you brought it up, you never see him wear it. - You probably think this gay is the camera is gay. - You probably think it's kind of gay. That's exactly what he said to me, yeah. My dad used to have snake skin boots with little snake heads on the tops. - Oh, that's real cool. - And then he had these snake skin slip-on shoes that had little rattles on the back. - Did you like just wear them around the house? - Yeah, he'd wear them out. - He'd wear them out. - It's not weird, yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah, he dressed like a cowboy. - Yeah, I could see myself getting something. Like, I've owned things that, like, I bought a leather coat-- - Just for the house. - For like 400 bucks. It's never made it out of the house. - Like, like a trench coat. - Like, I'll wear it and I'll ponder. - Oh, see, I wear a lot of leather. Everyone complains about my-- - No, but this, I like leather, but this isn't good leather. - No, this is like thin plan, like dancing this leather. - Okay, gotcha, gotcha. This is Go Go Dance and Leather. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I can't picture leather, Dan Bulger. Is it like a biker jacket? - No, nor do I. - Or like a Donnie Brasko jacket. - It's like Donnie Brasko, but no, even thought of violence. - Okay, I gotcha. Well, you did punch somebody. - I did punch someone. - Well, you were in the leather jacket? - No. - It is hard to get blood out of leather. I'll tell you that. I can absolutely tell you that. - So that's what I'm watchin' instead of wrestling, and you're watchin' wrestling for the whole two hours? - I'm watch eight, I think, I believe wrestling went on from nine to 11. So I think I kind of flippin' through this? - Okay. - No, no, no, I think WWE was eight to 10. - Eight to 10, yeah. So you were in for the night with wrestling with it? - So I'm in for it, but also there are things on I would have been watching. - Such as? - Dirty work? - Okay. - There's several movies called Dirty work. - The Dorm nor McDonald movie? - Probably the normal Dorm. - Directed by Bob Saget. - Yeah, yeah. Which is a movie I've watched a lot, not in recent memory. There's things in it that are funny. - Yeah, there's different things that are, I saw that on a date as well, and the girl never went out with me again, because she said she was horrified when I laughed during the scene where the skunk rips the dog. (laughs) It's a silly scene of like a skunk puppet humping a dog, and I laughed, and she said she was embarrassed and appalled that I found that funny. - It's open to go in a date with an angel. - Yeah, well, aren't we all, aren't we all? - This is no angel. - Yeah, so that is that dirty work that is on at this time. - And on the same channel, TMC, which is that even still a channel? - The movie channel. - Oh, that's what that stands for. I thought it was Turner movie classics. - No, the movie channel. - Oh. - It's Turner classic movies, TCM and TMC. - Here comes the kind of dyslexia. - Yeah. - The big hit was on right after that with Mark Wahlberg. - I've never seen that. - So both of those movies in theaters, I think John Ligwizamo was in it, if I'm not. - You may have been in it, I definitely didn't see that. - Not good. It was right, I think it was his first one after Boogie Nights. - Okay, Boogie Nights was 97, so yeah, that one makes sense. - But that started, this movie, I think started the Mark Wahlberg pattern of really good movie, bad movie, bad movie, really good movie. Like, he just gives you enough. - Yeah, it's not a bad pattern. - Huh? - I thought it was a bad pattern. - Definitely a pattern I've continued for 20 years, but like, it's to the point now where I know, like once Mark Wahlberg made the fighter. - Yeah. - It's like, all right, Wahlberg, I'll check in on you in six years. - Yes, the next two movies are gonna be bad. - Yeah, because then sure enough, the happening and then something else. - When I was growing up. - And then he just did a good one. - Yeah, when I was, when I was your age at this time, when I was like 12 or 13, it's the height of Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch. - Yeah. - And you couldn't go anywhere in Boston without being surprised by an impromptu Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch concert, 'cause they were trying to promote them before like good vibrations hit. So you'd go to like the mall and it'd be like, "Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch "is playing in the food court." And he'd come out in his underwear and like, and it happened to all of the time. - I went to the Catholic Memorial, I guess Joey McIntyre went there for a week. - Joey McIntyre. - It might've been Joey, or the other guy, Travis Knight. - Travis Knight. - So Travis Knight. - Jordan. - Oh, Travis Knight's the Knight Center for the Celtics. - Yeah, Jordan Knight definitely. - We traded our whole team for Travis Knight. - Yeah, they should've traded for Jordan Knight. - Yeah. - It was better off with Jordan Knight. - It was Jordan Knight and Jonathan Knight. - Okay. - It was one of those three. - It's probably-- - Went there for like a week. - It's probably Jordan McIntyre. - And I guess people were like, there were like foreigners like coming to the school and like taking pictures of like-- - Oh yeah. - You may have sat here. - They were huge. I don't know, you were probably too young to really understand the level of fame that the kids in the block. I mean, it was insane. - It's really crazy. Like, I feel like there was a certain level of anger, like a backlash to the Backstreet Boys. - Yeah. - And in sync, to the point now with One Direction, like I'm of the age, I should be complaining about One Direction. - Right. - But I'm fully aware that music has sucked for a long time. - Yeah, and it's not for you. - It's not for me. - It's for one girl, some who cares about it. - Yeah, exactly. It's like me complaining about vegan food. - But it's like gluing in the Roman Empire and complaining about the Roman Empire. You're not gonna win. - No. The funniest thing about new kids in the block to me, and I'm kind of fascinated by them and-- - They're touring again. - Yeah, I don't know if I'm gonna necessarily see them now, but the thing that fascinates me is that they're a teenage girl band. - Yeah. - And because they were from Boston, and Boston has such a just a boneheaded pride to it, that you would get like towny dirtbags defending them. So it'd be like Mookas in the block, they'd still be like, they're good fucking guys, and they're from here. Like it would be these really bizarre-- - Could you compare Boston, Philadelphia, kind of similar cities in a lot of ways? - Sort of. - But almost in a South Shore, North Shore kind of way. Although I feel like Philly's more North Shore-- - Oh god. - Than Boston. - Philly's more South Shore. - Well, it's more South geographically. - But it's got the mentality of this. There's a rivalry in the Boston area between the North Shore and the South Shore. - I have no idea. There really is. I don't know anything about the North Shore. - The South Shore is terrible. - And so is the North Shore. - The North Shore is better. - Is it? - It is, and I'll tell you why. - I feel like we're closer to the Cape. - You are, which is another reason why it's bad. - It's why it's bad. - But why do you point against-- - If you live on the South Shore, you have one way to get into Boston, and if there's traffic, you are screwed. (laughing) - No, but that's, I'm talking about the attitude of the people. - Oh yeah, yeah. You don't have more Italians on the North Shore. - I feel more comfortable. If I find out I'm doing a gig on the South Shore, for some reason I feel better than if I'm doing a gig on the North Shore. - Because you grew up there. - But they're not my people. - But you think that they're like more violent on the North Shore or they just won't like your act? - Not to be racist, but I feel it's more Italian. - Italians don't like you. - It's an Italian Irish thing, perhaps. - Yeah, see, to me that, no, no, that stuff matters. I just see Durp X. (laughing) - It's Durp X. - It is Durp X. - It really is. - But it's a type of Durp X. - Yeah, see, I just don't do those shows. And no one's asking me to. (laughing) - I do, I've been retired from work for a few years. - See, I feel like you'd actually be fine on it. - Oh yeah, whenever I've done those shows, I'd be fine. - But they're not fun. - No, they're not fun, so why not have, why go to the not, why drive to a thing when you're like, this won't be fun. - Yeah, for $75, yeah, I'd rather sit at home and record a podcast or watch a movie. - Yeah, penny save, penny errand theory. - Watch Bucker of Bonsai, you know. - Yeah, okay, no, you're right. - Plus no one's asking me to do right. - And I'm not asking to be on 'em. - Yeah, this thing, you gotta ask to be on 'em. And then you don't get on 'em and then you're like, I'm not getting on this thing, but I kind of don't want to do. - Yeah, that spirals down. - Yeah, I've been sort of soft-retired from life-performing-- - It's a good way to be, it's an excellent way to be. - Yeah, there's not a lot of good chills around here these days. - No, no, but it's also like every time you're called for a gig, you're like a Steven Seagal character, like I don't do that anymore. - Yeah, you gotta, like, you're not coming back again. - You're the best! - I'm retired. - Yeah, you gotta leave a layer of mystery, you gotta make 'em want it. - Yeah, it reads here, oh my God, read. - No, he never comes down, out of the woodwork, so nine o'clock I'm going with another episode of Antiques Roadshow. (laughing) - On the Monday night. - Okay, all right. - But better off dead is on as well, which is a great movie. - Yes, and I would've liked that matter, I was introduced to that movie. - It's a great movie. - Hey, comedy central aired that movie over and over and over again in the 90s. - Oh, 'cause I had a comment on comedy central movies about this. - Yeah, "Sturywork", you were saying? - So yeah, so we're watching baseball, oh, we're on Monday, so "Durywork", then again, 10, 30 to 11, I'll see it. The baseball playoffs would've been happening, I would've been curious, I would've checked into it. For some reason, they played baseball in October. - So, Tuesday night eight o'clock, what are you going with? - Tuesday, oh, eight to eight 30, I probably would've been experimenting with "Just Shoot Me". - That's a great statement for me to take out a context. - Right. - Yeah, "Just Shoot Me" is a show that I never really got that into. - I don't like any of you. - Laura Sanjia-Como, I had a good cast, but-- - It was going into a world that I don't really give a shit about. - It's a fashion industry. - Yeah, I never. - And it was on opposite "Spin City", which is a sitcom I love, and I definitely-- - What was "Spin City" about it? - "Spin City" was about-- - Michael J. Fox plays the deputy mayor, amazing cast, really fun show. - I said that I would've liked "Spin City". - Great ensemble cast, really well written. - 'Cause during this time, I think I would've been watching a lot of syndicated news radio. - Yeah, "Spin City" news radio, I think, are two of the points that comes in the '90s. They're similar. - Okay. - And this was the second to last season. Michael J. Fox was replaced in the last season by Charlie Sheen, but you had Heather Locklear came into this season as Caitlyn, and it was still pretty good. - Oh, yeah, yeah. - Very, very good show, I would've gone with that. - Heather Locklear is still attractive. - She is. She's internally attractive. She's probably in her '50s. - She looks pretty good. - She has a Susan Summers type career. - Uh, I think she could have a better Susan, some career than Susan Summers. - No way. - Yeah. - Does she already have a better career than Susan? - Oh, yes, yeah, I would say so. I would say so. Heather Locklear shows up on a lot of things. She's been in major television shows every decade for the last 30 years. - Oh, shit. - Yeah. - Good for her. - Yeah, she's doing well. - It was Richie Samboro. - She was married to Richie Samboro. - That didn't end well. I think he was an alcohol. - And then it was Tommy Lee she was with before that, before Pam. Yeah, she likes the rockers. - Yeah, bad decisions later. - They're always bad decisions. - It's not a poor decision. - If you're a dating musician, you need to stop dating them for three weeks. - Oh, there's a certain kind. Yeah. - And then you'll be fine. I'm not going to touch at this idiot for three weeks. - Three weeks, and then you'll never talk to them again. - You, I'm telling you, you should get into this relationship advice. Good option. - It applies to everything. Everything. Everything. Don't die for three weeks. You'll never die. - Okay. Eight thirty. - Yeah. - This is another question about it because I was young. - Okay. - Was Third Rock from the Sun good? - So it's decent. It gets a little goofy and it's very broad, but there are some decent episodes. And this episode is actually very good. There's a guest star, Bob Odenkirk is in this episode. - Oh. - Gary. - Wonderful. - So this is, if I was going to watch an episode of Third Rock from the Sun, this is definitely the one that I would watch. I really enjoy that show, but I would have been intrigued to watch the car rack of a show. On UPN, that was Shasta McNasty. - Never have heard of it. - Shasta McNasty was a show that starred Jake Busey, Gary Busey's son, as a white rapper. And in this one, Dennis dates an overweight woman in order to hone his hapless relationship skills, while Ray and Scott become obsessed with their neighbor's satellite dish. Awful. Awful. Awful. - That really was the white rapper era, though. - Yeah. - Oh, it certainly was. - And it also was, you saw it with Puff Daddy doing cashmere. It was when Rap and Rock kind of melded and was an horrible, horrible, limbus kid. - And it was huge. Well, TRL was so weird because you have Britney Spears in sync and then for some reason, corn. - Corn. - Which means a lot of the same people were listening to that. - Yeah, that makes sense. - It didn't make any sense. - It didn't make any sense. - If you like garbage, you might as well put all the garbage together. - I decided with the, I didn't really get into the corn, but I got really into Kid Rock. - Oh, no. - Oh, no. But I feel like it helped because from there, I was able to go back and find, like, from there, I probably found Zeppelin. Quickly. - See, I don't really even like Zeppelin. - See, I think that's just you being difficult. - No, I just don't like them. I hate Robert Plant's whaling. I don't like a singer who can't butt in a shirt. I find their rehashed blues licks boring. - Yeah, but I don't even know them as rehashed. I didn't go back far enough from what Zeppelin wanted to know. - They're not interesting. - They're not interesting to me. - Oh, I find them very... - See, I got really into punk rock and all that sort of '70s bloated sort of arena rock. It's like everything I wasn't into growing up. So it's really hard for me to, like, I love Soundgarden. And one day someone pointed out to me how much Chris Cornell sounds like Robert Plant. - And you're just out. - I couldn't listen to him for a while. I still do, but I was like, no! It was like the end of the crying game for me. - Okay, yeah. I think I had side with the arena rock. Like, I still just knew Oasis from time to time. - Oasis are okay. - Is that arena rock? - No, there was Brit Rock in the night. - Brit Rock? - I think I'm like '70s, like, Boston and Ario Speed. - Yeah, and I have them into that. - I probably like five bands. - So you like Oasis, Led Zeppelin, and Kid Rock. - All right, I like three bands. - Two bands and an artist. - Yeah. - Ball with the ball, dude. - Always just being the artist. - Ball with the ball. My favorite Oasis song is a B-side called Half the World Away. That was the theme song to this amazing British TV show called The Royal Family. That's one of the best shows I've ever seen in my life. And it's about this sort of blue-collar family. And every episode takes place in their living room in real time while they just sit and watch TV together. - Wow. - And it was on for five seasons, and it's fantastic. And they tried to make a U.S. remake of it called The Kennedys. And it started Randy Quaid. - Oh, I thought you meant it was The Kennedys, like the-- - No, no, no. 'Cause their last name was Royal. That's why I called the Royal Family. And it started Randy Quaid, and it took place in Charlestown, Massachusetts, and it's a terrible pilot. But from a sort of comedy nerd perspective, being able to write a show that takes place in one room with just people talking. And it's just a family watching TV for half an hour. - Oh, that's great. - It's a really good show. If you have the means, check out the Royal Family. It was on for-- - I think I'm gonna see it. - I know you want, but it's very, very good. - But I like it. - And the Oasis theme song is the probably the best song they ever did. - No way. See, I like the whole first Oasis album, and then they did a good one after that. They probably did two albums worth of good ones after they were famous. - And then it was just Beatles covers? - And then, yeah. - Yeah, yeah. That was-- - But that's more than most. That's true. That's true. So I would've been watching Shasta McNasty. - Shasta McNasty. - Shasta McNasty, eight o'clock, what are you going with? - Probably nine o'clock rather, sorry. - Nine o'clock? I thought we were well past-- what time is this? - It's Tuesday at eight thirties when Shasta McNasty was on, so we've moved on to nine o'clock on Tuesday. - Oh, I had a question about another show. - Yeah. - For some reason, on Monday, I think that was everybody that was Raymond, King of Queens, were all in their first season. - Yes, yeah. - Two shows I had a question about. For some reason the only show I ever gave a shot and stuck with a little bit was Becker. - Yeah, Becker was a good show. - Becker was a good show. - Yeah. - And never just took off. - I did, it was on for enough seasons to be in syndication, but it never really became a sucker. - Oh. - It never really became a huge hit. And it was, he was such an unlikable main character. It really stood out that show. Yeah, that was a good show. - I thought it was a good show. I love dancing. - I love cheers, dancing's amazing. - I've liked everything. He's an ink was very good. - Mm-hmm. - Do you remember that show? - Yeah. - And it was Curbier and Thizzie has some episodes in the past. - Yeah. Who doesn't like Ted Dance? - Yeah. - Dude, dude. - Tuesday nine is where we're at. - Tuesday at nine. Oh, this is a Celtics versus Hornets pre-season NBA basketball. I say there are other things I would watch during this. I would probably have watched every second. - Was Larry Johnson still in the Hornets at this point? - He would have been a Nick by now, I think. - Okay. 'Cause I like Larry Johnson. - Grandma Ma was on the way out. He was a great episode of Family Matters. - Oh, I've never heard anyone say that before. - Or he was, he, him and Erkel teamed up and it's where it was secretly revealed that Erkel was an athlete. - Oh God. - Which, I think in real life he is. - No. - Apparently he was on Celebrity Boxing and I think he fucked shit up. - He was constantly on TV protesting too much that he's not really a nerd. And then they made him do those like Stefan episodes and he's like, "No, he's really cool." It's like, "Dude, you're a dork." Like, that's why you got cast for that. You're a weird looking kid. You have a weird voice. You got cast as a nerd. He's done the voice of Sonic the Hedgehog now for two decades. - No way. - I didn't even know Sonic the Hedgehog had a voice. - Yeah, and you know who plays Dr. Robotnik, the evil Sonic, the Sonic Hedgehog's villain? - Dustin Diamond. - DJ Hazard. Boston comedian. - No way. - DJ Hazard. - Yup. Yup, with Jaleo White. So at nine o'clock I'm going with Angel, the Buffy the Vampire, spin off. - Oh. I didn't want, I was definitely a Buffy watcher. - That dude has been on TV for 23 years. - Yeah, he was on Buffy and Angel and then Bones. Still on Bones, yeah. He's a handsome guy, he's funny enough. - Very handsome. - Yeah. I mean, he's not whatever that Baldwin was handsome, but he's up there. So Wednesday night, eight o'clock, what are you going with? - Yeah, yeah. So good. Yeah. You know what I'm also allowing Blizzard to us on? And Pulp Comics. - Yeah. Pulp Comics was the best stand-up comedy show the Comedy Central. - Was Pulp Comics the thing where like Harlan Williams would do and they'd do sketches? - Yes. - So that was good. The good one doesn't want you to know kind of thing. - Yeah. Laura Keitlinger had one which is one of my favorite stand-up specials of all time and Bobcat Goldthwade had one that was also amazing. Pulp Comics was the show because I get really annoyed with stand-up on TV. It's very boring, it's very lazy. It's like, let's just throw a camera here. That's it. And to me, stand-up is sort of an inherently live... - Haven't watched it a lot. I don't know. There's not too many stand-up specials. I've really loved. Dana Gould is great. - Yeah. Being a talented was cool. - The late night on "Sensored Show" recently. - No. - The thing where he just put cameras in the crowd. - Oh yes, yes, yes. - And he's on the road. - That's the thing with a cool one. - So lounge listings was Mary Ellen Hooper, who I've never heard of before. - No. - And Pulp Comics was Wendy Lieben, which is actually a pretty good episode. - Oh yeah. - So first time you did stand-up on TV was on Gotham? - Gotham, man. - Yeah. That was the first thing you did. - It was 2006. - '07, yeah. - '08. - I got a call back for that seven times and then they told me now. - I've heard a lot of stories about it. - Oh, sure. Yeah. - But what was so- - The watch brothers and Ira Proctor's management ran it and they basically told them like, "Don't worry, you're in." - Yeah. - And then they're like, "Ah, don't mess you up." - How many times have you been on TV doing sit-ups? Have you done what? Ferguson twice? - Ferguson twice. - Gotham once. - Gotham BBC. - I think that's right. You're on the world. It stands up. - I think that's it. - You didn't do Conan or Letterman. - I've done six Lettermans. - Six Lettermans. - Yeah. - That's right. I forgot about six Lettermans. - Six Lettermans. - Easy to forget. - No, that's it. - That's it, yeah. - 'Cause I, what was that like the first time you were on it then because you growing up? - I was such a deer in the headlights, the first 25 years of your life. - Yeah. I mean, just no sense of, 'cause like, I got the BBC and the Gotham thing. - Same time. - That and within two months of being allowed to drink legally. - Right. - So it's just, the whole thing is just a hay, it was fun, but it's just a hazy. - Right. - Is it almost like it didn't happen now? Like if you see it now, do you have like almost an out-of-body experience seeing it? - Yeah. I don't like watching myself. - Yeah. - It's the worst. - Yeah. - It's the worst. And so is it strange to you that you were on the same channel doing stand-up that you were watching so much then? - Yes. Yeah, it was very weird. - Yeah. - The BBC one I've never seen. - You've never seen it at all? - No. - Who else do you remember what the other acts were on your episode? - Yeah, the reason I didn't see it was I was like embarrassed because like, I was in way over my head. - The other, the acts were huge. - The acts were huge. - Who were they? - Well, by my standards people, it was like the week before me was bigger because it was the whole tough crowd group. - Right. - So like Geraldo, Gaffigan, Jim Norton, I think. The week I was there was more LA guys like Dwayne Perkins. - Yeah. - It was a great dude. - Oh yeah. - But also amazing. - Yeah. He's very cool. - And then I'm like, they had to do 20 minutes. - Yeah. - So like to taping and chop it up, and I'm like, I don't have 20 minutes. - Yeah. That time you did not have 20 minutes. - You're doing close. - Yeah. - Dan was much more of a one-liner. - Might have had like six. - Yeah. Yeah. - And they were like, they're like, told me jokes, you can't tell it go, you can't tell this joke. I'm like, okay, we'll edit it out. - Yeah. - Edit it out. - I'm gonna do it. - Like I was nervous about doing well. - Yeah. - And also people weren't doing well. - Yeah. - TV tappings don't go well. - Did you film that, Melinda? - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. - TV tappings don't go well more times than now. - It's artificial. - The audience feels super weird. - Yeah. - It's a weird construct and it doesn't make me sense. - It's also like six o'clock and just everything about it. - That's again why I think comedy shouldn't be, stand-up should not be on television unless you do something interesting with it like pop comics. - That's fair. - Yeah. - Although, at the same time, when they do do it, it's like, this costs them nothing to make. - That's why they do it. - Yeah, yeah. - But it's also-- - So why not do it? - 'Cause it's not that interesting. - Yeah, but there's, you gotta put some-- - It's lazy. - Not everything on TV can be amazing. 'Cause evident by looking back at this, you know what the most shocking thing to me looking at this was? The TV guides, I was like, oh my god, Bill O'Reilly was doing his show then in '99. - Oh yeah. Well, people have always been dumb. - But that particular dude for 15 straight years has just been spewing horseshit every day. - Yeah. - It's amazing. How is-- - 'Cause people, 'cause there's-- - I know he's getting paid on godly amounts of money, but his mind, there's no way he cares anymore. - No, no. - There's no way he cares. - No, he's probably been on autopilot for years. - Yeah, he's just, he knows the beats and he's just playing them. - Well, he's basically like a carny, you know, like he's like a fun plan man, like a, like a scam artist. - Yeah. - You know, he's like one of those people-- - I think it's impressive. - It is, he's like one of those-- - It's an incredible ability. - It is, and it's an incredible ability to suppress all of your morals. Like, he's almost like one of those people who romance is an old woman. - Well, they died years ago. - Yeah. - They were dead. - But there's no feeling in that man. - That's true. That's true. - Even like late night talk show hosts, I don't know how they do it. I don't know how you get through the monologue on Wednesday when you just don't give a shit. - The format is so outdated and uninteresting to me these days, and it just seems like such a relic in a bad way, and I love a lot of retro stuff and I love classic things, but for some reason, sort of the late night television format now, I'm like, why are you even bothering? - And there's so many of them. - Yeah, it just doesn't have the cachet it had and it's not-- it's just not interesting. Like, I want someone to do something new, like do a new format or do something we haven't seen before. - Yeah, yeah. - You know, why are we doing this stuff that doesn't-- it's cheap, is that what we're doing? - It's super cheap. I know you're paying one person like $20 million, but other than that, the production's pretty cheap. - Yeah. - Flippin' out fuckin' 100 bucks. - Yeah. - I mean, as much as I'd love to-- - For some sand, which is that? - Oh, yeah. - I love to have been on TV doing stamp comedy, which I realized will never happen. At the same time, I'm like, oh, why? It doesn't have the-- you know, it's not as impressive as it once was. - It's a thing to say when they bring you to the stage. - Yeah, I just-- - Literally it-- - Yeah. - It makes no difference. - Oh, yeah, absolutely no. - But I would like to do it again, that being said, and I'm sure you will. - And I'm sure you will. - Like, I said, like, the same thing with those gigs, you don't seem to pursue them, but I think you would do them very well at any of them. If you could tell some people that, maybe we could get the word. - I don't really-- - But I don't collect emails. I just do it. - Yeah, you just do it. Never see a TV again. - Yeah, you just kind of roll through life, and it works out. - So-- - Throwing things away. - Exactly. - Throwing things away. - I'm not even collecting them in the first place. - Yeah. - So we've been on TV in three weeks? Never-- - Never gonna go on TV again. - We're doing it. - Yeah. - Or if you've been on TV for three weeks, you're always-- - Always. - Always. - To be honest. - That is an element of truth to that. - That's true. You're not gonna cancel. - That's all I have is elements of truth. - That's true. That's all you need. - No compounds. - Tim Bulger's elements of truth. Tim Bulger's periodic table of truth. - Holy shit. - You just tell him the truth. It's periodic table of truth. - I think we've done it. - We've named him a nine album for you tonight. So on Wednesday night, eight o'clock, what are you going with? - Okay. Austin Powers, The International Man of Mystery. Again, I was young. - It's not a bad movie. - It's not a bad movie. - I've figured that because so many young people liked it, it couldn't be good. - I saw that movie at the pie, it wasn't called pie, it was called the Galleria Theaters in Harvard Square, which is now a Wagamama restaurant, but it was a movie theater. And the last movie they showed there was Austin Powers, The International Man of Mystery, and I saw it in there. - Oh, hey. - And then-- - That's not gonna be twice in a day when it came up. - In the theater. - It's an air conditioning. - Yeah. It was a summer thing. It was also the first movie I ever saw on DVD. - Oh, it's fun. - Yeah, which is pretty exciting. - Yeah, yeah. And then they made the second, as I recall, the second one was awful. - Gold member? Is that the second one? - And then the third one was good. - I don't remember. I get them all mixed up. I definitely saw all three in the theater. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Not sure. I want to say I may have seen that movie upwards of five or six times in theaters. I've seen some movies a ton of times. - What movie have you seen the most in theaters? - Casino Royale. - Really? - I saw it with like different groups of people. - Oh, gotcha. - Numbers of times. - It's a social thing. Six times it's hot in theaters. I've seen it a bunch since, and I still couldn't tell you if I like it or not. - Yeah. I could agree with that. - That's sort of the truth of any Bond movie. - Yeah. - Pretty much. - Especially in the question mark. - Molly's a man of mystery. - Yeah. - So I would have gone with two guys and a girl, which is a show that- - Oh, and a pizza place. - Yes. Well, this was after the pizza place was dropped. - Pizza place was gone. - Pizza place was gone. This took place in Somerville Mass. I don't remember that. I was supposed to take place in Ball Square. And Ryan Reynolds was on it, and it was a show that I would watch when it was on. I was 19 at this time, and I felt bad about it. - You felt bad about watching it? - Yeah. I really think it was that funny. I think I had a little crush on the blonde girl on it, and also I would just watch anything that was set in Boston. - Yeah. Also, young Ryan Reynolds. - Yeah. I mean, it wasn't 15 or Ryan Reynolds. - Ryan Reynolds just got pushed through everybody. - Yeah. - I think he's done now. - I think he's done? Think Green Lantern killed him? - Yes. Oh, he was in a movie I like. We're just friends, I think it was called, where he was a bigger fella. - Oh, yes. Yes, yes. - And then he got a fat suit on it? - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. - The dog has seen the reflection. - The guy knew his way around the fat suit. - Yeah, absolutely. - Yeah. - I bought it. So, 8.30, what are you on with? - 8.30. - Oh, you're watching Austin Powers All Night? - Well, probably, I'm a channel flipper. - Okay. - I don't enjoy anything ever, and I just look through. The West Wing was on, I was too young, but I've seen it since, and I loved the West Wing. - Aaron Sorkin? - Yeah, yeah. - That's the season of The West Wing, I'm ridiculous. - I've never seen it. It just seems so boring to me. - Yeah. - I don't like political things. - You don't like political things? I like political things. - I like Veep. - Veep is excellent. - Yeah, in the loop, and the thick of it, I like those shows, but yeah. - So, you do like political things? - Yeah, I guess I do, though, it's just those things, but I'm not a big fan. - Well, maybe you like The West Wing, though, it's well written. - I've heard that. - Very well written. - I would have watched Norm. - I was going, that was a question mark, because I never watched the show. - Very good show. - Yeah. - I just had the same creative team behind it as The Drew Carey Show, which was also very good. - Yep. - And it was very good. Faith Ford was on it from Murphy Brown. I had Laurie Metcalf from Roseanne. It was a very good show, had a very good ensemble cast, and it was a funny show. - Okay. I wonder if this way to go back and watch Norm? - Yeah, you can definitely watch him. - Okay, yeah. - I can't do it. - So, what about that? - I like his pod. His podcast. It's very funny. - I've never checked it out. - I just signed YouTube. - Nice. - And then nine o'clock we go on. - Dude, dude, dude, while I'm still ripping Austin Powers. - I'm still going back to Austin Powers. - And basketball is on. - I would have gone with-- - So, just a national basketball game. So, not the Celtics. - I would have been-- - But Wednesday is a big, hey, the Bulls are playing the-- - Is there more than one league? - No, same league, but it's just, yeah, they're just nationally televised. - Oh, it's not that local. - Not the local. - I would have gone with the X-Files. - I never watched the X-Files. I love a movie and love it. - Which movie is the first one? - Fight the future. - So, I don't know. - Yeah, I would have gone with the X-Files. This is an episode called Small Potatoes, which is a very good episode. - I love the show. - What was the best, like, "Hey, this guy was on," because I watched a murder sheet wrote on Apple Netflix, and Brian Cranston was just on it. - Brian Cranston was on a lot of stuff. - Yeah, yeah. So, what's the best, like, "Hey, this guy was just on the X-Files in an episode." And then, that was a huge shot. - Some of them had the best shot. - I feel like that would exist with that shot. - Yeah, well, I'm sure that, if people are wondering what that is in the background, my dog has gotten a frisbee and is losing his mind with it. - I think that's a cover of a salad. - Oh, you know what? It's a thing that goes under a plant, so water doesn't get somewhere. - You don't like anything, you buy him a frisbee, they just play with the box. - Play with the plant box. Yeah, he's killing that thing. - I don't think any other whimsical play him. - Take that into the other room, bud. All right, so, yeah, X-Files, there has to be someone who became a huge star that was on that show first, and I can't think of who, bud. See, I always felt like I even fired things off of you, and it was-- - Yeah, no, I don't know everything, Dan. I know it's surprising. I wish that I did, I wish that I did. So Thursday night, eight o'clock, we go-- - Oh, hold on, I'm still going 10 and 11, 10 through 11, would have been a big night for me because it was South Park in the man show. - Oh, yeah, Wednesday night. - Man show was really my wheelhouse of humor at that time. - I will admit, I did enjoy the man show as a big fan of Adam Corolla because a huge love line fan. I still like Adam Corolla, I think he's very funny. - I think he's funny. I got a look. - You know what does a metaphor better than him? I got a little, a little, a little chorole oversaturated. - He's been in a lot of stuff. You know what I really like? He has a new show called, I forget what it's called, but basically they find contractors that have screwed people over, and then they confront them. - That's great. - It's really good. It's on the spike or FX, it's on after bar rescue. - Yeah, yeah. I like that he did have a background in like construction. - Yeah. - Yeah, it was what he's talking about a lot. It's like if Dave McDonough really went for it. - Did you ever see the hammer, the movie that he wrote? - I saw the hammer and loved it so much that I drove to Mike Whitman's house and was like, "You gotta watch this." - Yeah, it's a really good movie. - And then I didn't like it the second hammer, but I was watching a movie seconds after watching it. - Yeah, it's a good movie. - But then he hated it. - What do you hate about it? - That it didn't feel like it needed the romantic aspect to it at all. - I think it did. - Yeah, yeah. - I mean, that's the plot of the movie. Nothing would happen otherwise. - It seemed like I thought it was going to be a real boxing movie. - Yeah. No, I thought the movie had a lot of heart. It was very funny. It was a good movie. - Yeah, I did like it on the first one. - Yeah, it is a good movie. And I loved the man show at this time. I was a big fan of the man show. - And Jimmy Kimmel is enormous. - Yeah. - I was also a big Ben Stein's money guy at this time, but I don't think that was a prime time film. - You know who I like better? The girl who replaced... - She wrote on South Park as well. She wrote a movie that starred Ryan Reynolds. - It was called... - Chairman Diaz, isn't it? The sweetest thing? - Sweetest thing. - Yeah. - I liked her. - She was very funny. - Yeah, she might be a secret chazillionaire. - She might be a secret chazillionaire. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Those are the ones you got to watch. - For some reason I think she's from the Boston area. - She is from the Boston area. - She is from the Boston area. - She's from Boston. - She's from Boston. - I know someone that knows her. - She's trying to get her on the show. - Get her on the show. - Get her on the show. - Get her on the show. - So you're watching that on Wednesday night at 10 to 11, I understand that that's a good pick. Thursday night, eight o'clock. What's your choice? - Oh, that's again, just getting hit with wrestling from 10, eight to 10, I think was a Thursday. - You're watching SmackDown. - SmackDown. I think it was on UPN. - It was. UPN, WWE have SmackDown. - Yeah, yeah. And it kind of made me think like it might not have been 9/11. It might have just been, again, just too much wrestling. - Yeah. It doesn't take much to have too much wrestling because that's two, again, this is two different networks. - Yeah. Two different days. - And if you had, I think this is when Tebow was coming on the play. - A little bit. - So there's a chance. - Yeah. - By the time Monday came around, you'd watch eight hours of wrestling. - Yeah. That's a lot of wrestling. - A week. - I think you would have to register. - Years. Years. - You'd have to register as a sex offender if you did that. - And everyone. But there were like adults at this time. Wrestling was huge. - It was very big stuff. - I know like when you're doing a thing, you think everybody's doing it. - No, it was culturally. It was sort of hard. - But for some reason, it was culturally huge. - Yeah. In the late '90s, there was like an era of aggression that just played into wrestling for some reason. - Was there though? - Yeah. - Musically. - The early '90s? - The early '90s seemed to be a less manufactured aggression. The late '90s definitely seemed to have adopted this weird, manly, biker, tap-a-room culture. - It was like this whole very odd masculinity. - Yeah. - Because now actually we should have to be smart. - Yeah. They should be. They were in the '70s. - Yeah. And there was no beating around the bush in the late '90s. - The late '90s is not a good time. - No, it wasn't. - Yeah. - It really wasn't. - So I would have gone with a show on the fledgling WB network called Popular. That was a very good teenage girls show at this time. And in this one, members of the cheerleading squad agree to attend Carmen's slumber party causing Sam to question their motives at the party Carmen is embarrassed by her mother's behavior. - There's about two rival girls who have parents marry and they become step sisters in a lot of craziness and sews. It was only on for two seasons. It has a very good Christmas episode called Fall Upon, Fall Upon. - It seemed like a British show last two seasons, it's one of the greatest shows of all time. - Well, yeah, because their seasons are more like mini-series. They're only six to 13 episodes. - We've kind of stolen that. - We haven't done that because that's the way to make good television. - You're saying there should be a story? - Yeah, you should probably think about it right now. - But the two episodes ahead, like a chess player. - Yeah, I put some time in TV show. - Have a plan. - That's not how I would do my shows. - Yeah, because that's like if you wrote a really great movie script and they're like, "Great, could you take your great ending and just ruin it and then just keep it going forever till we tell you to stop them?" - That's not even if it was the hardest part of the sketch is the end part. - Yeah. - But it's like, no, that's part of, you can't isolate that as a part of a sketch. - That should be sketch. - Yeah, I should start with that. - We should sketch that. - Work backwards. - Oh, not when I was doing sketch stuff, we would pretty much end those sketches with a fight. - Yep. - Fuck you. - Start yelling and following the ground. - It's just out. And it's a very hard or any good sketch. - It truly is. So I'd watch that from eight to nine and then at nine o'clock I had a little bit of trouble because there wasn't a lot on, but admittedly I probably would go with charmed. - You see, I'm going back to back married with children's. - Here's the great thing about charmed that night. - Thursday nights for me were just a big bowl of stupid. - Big bowl of stupid and hormonal confusion. And also I was leading in, you forget there was a good hour to save by the bell. - Yeah. Well that's a good brain cleanser. That's like just taking a value. - It's parsley. - Yeah. But charmed that night features a guest appearance by Alt-Rock band dishwala. - Dishwala? - Yes. And this is business that the nightclub is taking off and so are some patrons. After Piper books the band dishwala, female fans start disappearing during their performance. - See, that might be an older executive too because Alt-Rock bands weren't the thing then. - Yeah, by '99 dishwala was not very popular. They were like a '93 band. - It's like a poor man's silver chair. - Ooh, I would argue silver chair is the poor man's silver chair. That song used to make me so mad. That song is one of the worst lyrics ever. - They were the Alt-Hanson. - Yeah. Well they were only 13. Here's the worst lyric that silver chair ever wrote. ♪ There's a bathroom and there is no sink ♪ ♪ The water out of the tap is very ♪ ♪ Hot to drink ♪ ♪ They're hot to drink ♪ - That was their big song. - That was their big song. - Ah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah. - So that's what's annoying about kids though. That's why kids side is because they're not smart and when they try to be smart it's just annoying. - Yes. - Like a smart kid is usually a fucking asshole. - A singer from Silver chair after dealing with Anorexia went on to Mary Natalie and Brooklia. - Ah, holy shit. - She did the song "Torn." - Yup, yay. - She was a former actress. Yup. - Alright. - Yup. - I actually like her albums. - I think she is. - She's put all two in for a really good record. - That's a good song. - Yeah. So that's where we're going there and at 9.30 what were we going with? - Oh, there's nothing but wrestling. - Nothing but wrestling. - Nothing but wrestling. All she should mention the Tom Green Show is on that. - And I'm into it. - I loved that show. - Oh, the Tom Green Show was a big deal. - Yup. - The Tom Song, yay. - Yeah, 10.30 was huge. - That was 10.30? I missed it. - Yeah, I watched that every week. - So that was very conscious of the time going through this. You said Phoebe took like an hour and a half. - Some people took a while. - Yeah, yeah. How long would you guesstimate I took? I'm going to guess I'd put a good half hour. - You took about a half hour, yeah. - Yeah. - About a half hour. So, Friday night, the final end of the week, what are you going with at a clock? - Um, but boy meets world. - So you're in for a TGIF that night. - No, I'm not. - Okay, so just boy meets world. - Because any of the other shows I do not remember. - This was-- - Read to the teenage witch. - I like to bring to the teenage witch, but boy meets world was awful by this point. This is one-- - Also, another show I saw a ton cannot tell you a thing that happened. - Boy meets world? - Yeah. - Nothing really happens. - Yeah. - Especially in this era, this is when Matthew Lawrence was on the show, it was very, very bad. I would have gone with, at 8 p.m., a very special show on Fox, the world magic-- magic awards featuring top magicians from around the world, including the pang dragons, Lance Burton, and it was hosted by Bob Sagin. - Oh, man. - Says no acceptance speeches, no dance numbers, just pure magic. - Dude, what do you think of Bob Sagin's latter career as the dirty? - Why, his previous career was as a dirty comic. I mean, he was always a dirty stand-up, prior to Fox. - No, but you can't be... He wasn't a dirty-- I don't think he was he known as a comic? - Yes, absolutely. - How known are we talking? - Very known. He had specials. He was on the young comedians. He was on a lot. - He had specials. - Yeah. - I could go find-- because there's a sign called special from the '80s. - Yeah. - Sagin had specials. - I could find a Bob Sagin special from the '80s. - Yeah. He's got three or four. - No way. - One of them he directed was called Draw Dream Time. That's actually really, really, really good. - Yeah. - 'Cause he's had specials since, and his act-- again, we kind of agree, comedy on TV isn't that good. - Right. - But his act, particularly, doesn't seem to lend itself-- - Yeah. - What he's doing doesn't need to be taped. - Right. - It seems very stream of conscious. - Right. It's very loud. - You don't tape a stream of conscious. - Yeah. I mean, I did a week of shows with him, and he had more jokes in a notebook than any comic I've ever seen. - No way. - Just like a huge notebook of jokes. I don't think he got to do any of 'em on stage, but, you know, he just likes doing stand-up. - Yeah, yeah. - He doesn't need to. - No, I respect that about guys. Like Ferguson actually goes out-- that's all he wanted to know. He goes out and does stand-up. But he doesn't need to do it. He seems to like-- - He's the guy I feel like I would get along with, Will, like, we're both in punk rock bands. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - We're both of Scottish descent. But, you know, like, he's a guy who I would like I would love to have a stand-up career like. - Yeah, yeah. - And I always like to-- - I think he says like, especially, he's doing the fun saga too, the fun end of stand-up he's doing. - Yeah, they don't need the money. - Jet to a show. - Do whatever you want. - Do your theater. - Everybody loves it. - Nice hotel. - Yeah, yeah, exactly. - That's a cool-- - Wouldn't do that. - Wouldn't want to do that. - Wouldn't want to do that. Adoring fans. - Yeah, what's wrong with that? - Yeah. - So, I would have gone with that. And then, 8.30 would have gone with it. - Oh, 8.30? There's two movies on that night. - Okay. - Ghostbusters II. - Yup. - Which was a big Comedy Central movie. - Yes, they did air that frequently. - Frequently. And also, they aired Major League II. - Oof. - Both of the first ones are like classics. - Yeah. - And the second ones have been played so much that I know them better. Yeah, I actually really like Ghostbusters II, Major League II, not so much. - I reference Major League II with Paramount. - I'm like-- - God, no one wants me to write me an essay called "The Defense of Major League II." - See, I would do that about "Caddy Shack II" and eventually the notes too. - You brought "Caddy Shack II" up here tonight. I've never seen "Caddy Shack II." - I think "Caddy Shack II" was a better movie than-- - I feel like "Caddy Shack II" was like a communist and was blacklisted. - It really was. If it wasn't called "Caddy Shack II," if it was just called, like, "Golf Course," people would like-- - Would be fine with it. - Yeah, yeah, absolutely. "Caddy Shack II" made a movie called "Who's Your Caddy?" - That's a remake of "Caddy Shack." - It's a remake of "Caddy Shack." - Yes. Yes, they were doing these sort of urban remakes of movies. They remade "Caddy Shack" as soon as you're "Caddy" and they remade "Can't Buy Me Love." But I forget what it was called. "Love Don't Cost the Thing," they remade that the same script remade it with kind of an all-black cast in the 2000s. So that's-- - And the other movie is "Moonstruck." - "Moonstruck" was "Share." - I thought that was a Bond movie. - No, no. "Moonstruck" is not a Bond movie. - Well, here's the thing. I would have turned it on thinking it was a Bond movie. - How long would you have watched it before you realized it wasn't a Bond movie? - I don't know. - "Shareka Pass" is a Bond girl in the-- - Yeah. - Well, it's a comedy. It's Nicolas Cage and Cher. She won a-- - I bet it's good. - It was good for it. - It is a good movie. - Nicolas Cage should have-- - Well, I think Nicolas Cage just actually had a nice little career. - Oh, of course he has. - I mean, he's still in-- - Still in movies. - Yeah. - He's still in movies. - He's still working for 30 years. - Yeah, absolutely. So you're watching those for the rest of the night. - Well, so yeah, NBA is not-- again, I watch a lot of-- also, at 10.30, is it a good movie? The Man and the Iron Mask? - No. - No. - No. - I saw it in theaters. - Yeah, I did too. And you're not thinking of the man without a face. - No. (laughs) - Which is a very depressing movie. - So that's the end of the week, Dan Bolger, and as you know, TV Guide is not just informative. It has opinions. And it cheers and it jeers. Now normally, TV Guide lists their cheers and jeers for this week. This edition does not have any cheers and jeers. So if you were going to cheer something from this week of television and jeer something from this week of television, what would you-- - The thing I would have been the most pumped for is probably the South Park Man Show. - Just that hour existing. What a shock-- - A shock and a week, I think. - Yeah, so you're cheering that, and what are you jeering? It's too much wrestling. - Well, yeah, looking back at it, I must have wasted hundreds of hours of my life watching a thing that-- - You didn't even like-- - I didn't like it. - 'Cause it was just there. - 'Cause you're 13 and you came fucking doing it. - Yeah, you can't go out. You don't want to talk to your parents, so you're just there. - Yep. - Well, Dan Bolger, thank you for doing the show. - All right, thanks buddy. Oh, you want to plug our-- we have a big show going on. Is it a big show? - Do we? - I don't know if it's a big show. - This probably won't come out before that. - All right. - Yeah. - Well, it's not plug-it though. You know what, whenever you listen to this, Dan and I probably have a big show come up. - Probably have something together. - We're very successful. Thank you so much. - Thank you, buddy. (music) (music) (music) (music) - Dan, there you go. That was Dan Bolger, very funny guy, very weird guy, often those things go hand in hand. Once again, as always, please email me at kennedyekenread.com. Let me know what you think of the show, let me know if you have guests that you would like for me to try to get on the show, or if you have any sort of things you'd like to share with me, that is the way to find me. You can go to tvgattenscounselor.com to see clips from my guests, to see all kinds of pictures and extra info from the shows and bonus things. You can like us on Facebook, there'll be all kinds of fun stuff on there. Or as always, you can subscribe on iTunes, rate the show, review the show. It's a huge help, and I really appreciate you listening and also helping spread the word about the show. It's a huge help. So, thank you once again, and we'll see you again Wednesday for an all-new episode of tvgattenscounselor.