TV Guidance Counselor
TV Guidance Counselor Episode 29: Jared Logan & Kara Klenk
[music] Hello and welcome to TV guidance counselor. It is Wednesday, which means it's time for a brand new episode of the show that talks about old television. My name is Ken Reed. As always, I'm your TV guidance counselor. If you're a new listener, quick recap of the premise of the show, I own every issue of TV guides. Someone comes over my house, they pick a random issue of TV guide, they go through it, they pick what they would have watched that week in history, and then the podcast is us discussing their choices. And that's what we're going to do this week. And this week is slightly different. It is a first on the show. I have two guests simultaneously, both very funny comedians and writers. We have Jared Logan and Kara Klink. You can find them both at their respective .com sites. They've both been on all kinds of television. They're very funny and also a couple. So they picked together, which was a pretty interesting dynamic. I think you will enjoy it. So please listen and enjoy this week's episode of TV guidance counselor with my guests, Jared Logan and Kara Klink. All right. We're good. We're happy to be making history. Yes. Yes. So thank you so much for tracking out to the homestead for this up from New York. This is interesting because you guys had to compromise on your choices. Well, that's what we would have to, if we were watching TV, we watched it together. Yes. Yeah. And still you watch it together with the DVR and stuff you don't have, like, these are my shows. Well, we do. There are some shows that Jared will not allow to be on when he's in the house, which is pretty much anything that's on Bravo. Okay. So any reality shows or no? Which are a couple of my, like, just guilty pleasures, and they're mostly things I just put on, like, while I'm writing or Facebooking or doing other crap and I'm a full reality hater. Yeah. Well, you don't hate, like, Top Chef and stuff that's, like, skilled. That's a competition. Yes. That's a real base. That's a slightly different racing race, slightly different. Yeah. Are we calling football reality shows? But yeah. So, but, you know, and then another thing I do that annoys, Cara, is we'll start something together and I'll be psyched and then a season and I'm like, something will happen. Through that. Oh, you bale. I bale. And I'm like the most loyal television watcher, like, I stuck through with, like, nip-tuck for all the seasons, like, even when it got horrible, like, I will stay with, like, I still watch Glee, like, I'll stay with any show until it dies. And Jared, Game of Thrones, Jared, was like, I'm done. So are you? And so now I'm like, this was our appointment television in your house. Right. This is our activity. Are you, are you also very loyal to brands? Like, you always use the same toothpaste and all that kind of stuff as well? No. Not as much. But she watched all of Desperate Housewives. I know. It's like, once I start something, I'm just like, I feel like I should see it through. Do you feel a sense of accomplishment when you finish watching? Yeah. And I, I cried almost every season series finale. Yeah. And she gets sad. She gets sad that it's over. But like, to me, you're not really watching one story. You're watching, they're the one story ended when, like, the best writer or the producer left. Right. And then you're watching some other, like, Loser's fan face. It's basically the fan face. That's how I feel about Supernatural, which I still watch for some reason. Yeah. See, everybody kind of keeps up with a couple of, like, embarrassing shows that they're, like, well, I, yeah, I don't know. I just feel like I'm like, well, I would hate myself if I didn't know what happened to the character. What if it gets good again? Yeah. It's like an abusive relationship. Like, it's good again. That's, that's happened. Also, you know, I sometimes you just love the characters. I understand that. I just, I'm, I guess I don't have much character loyalty. Right. Right. Whatever's on sale. Yeah. How would you, is there anything you watch that you want, what day you want to allow? I try, oh, I mean, you know, I'm very geeky. You know, so I try all the geeky shows that come out, anything, like, I'm looking forward to the strain. We got to put that on the TV. Yeah. Yeah, advertisement for the strain makes me want to throw myself out of it. When I give up on them pretty quick, I'm just terrible about that. You know, I, I try agents of shield and I was like, yeah, it's pretty bad, though. Agents of the shield is like an episode of Hunter from like 1989 or something. That's mostly because Fred Dryers and so many episodes of Agent Shield. I just think it's always like, there's a guy who's using an air conditioner to rob banks. Yes. That's your like long haul truckers are disappearing. Why are the agents of shield handling that? It's somewhat conveniently non-special effect heavy. Yeah. Dollhouse had the same problem where it's like this awesome sci-fi premise of like a woman who downloads different personalities and who had to be the ultimate secret agent. And then in practice, the episodes were like a country music singer's in trouble. I'm like, am I watching other Dowling mysteries? Yeah. This is terrible. If there were more sci-fi infused high-priced prostitutes on father Dowling mysteries, I can't show what's looking like. Oh my gosh. That would be great. Was there any show that you watched from beginning to end, like growing up or now that you were just in for the whole long haul? You know, we were, I loved Quantum Leap. Okay. People say it ended poorly. I think it ended awesome. The ending was great, but here's what bothered me about Quantum Leap. Did you watch Quantum Leap? Never. But I know how it works. Yeah. He jumps into like different times. Yeah. Someone flipped it on. You go like, you want to watch this? Like, I get it. Yeah. But it got super jesus-y later. The last couple of seasons, because it was very vague at first. We don't know why he's setting things right. And then at the end it was like, God wants him to do it because of Satan. And I was like, come on. It's true. This is true. But I felt like it was sort of a Unitarian kind of a God that I can like live with. True. It was like a 12-year-old me was like, that was a deep commentary, you know, on racism after every episode. Yeah. Every episode was a racism. He's in the body of a white supremacist, and if he doesn't kill this black guy, society will go to hell. What does he do? Yeah. We've all been there. So you guys picked a TV guide from the week of September 24, 1994. You kind of had narrowed it down to three choices. The two other choices, one was from '92 and was ready to 1994. One in Loney Anderson on the cover, one in Bert Reynolds, and it could have been a huge blow line. It was the Sophie's choice for sure. We couldn't do it. We couldn't choose between Bert and Loney. Because you split on the gender lines to begin with. Yeah. There's a vorted Bert here. It's always been a lot. Exactly. Exactly. I mean, you know, there was a lot on both sides in that dispute, you know. It's hilarious how they were the power couple. Yeah. They were in all the tabloids. They were the sort of Ben and Jennifer Garner or J-Lo, whatever you want to go with. Yeah. Of that time, and nobody cares now. Where are they now? I don't know. Loney Anderson actually performed at Uncabery in LA like this year doing stories, which are always like really impressive. Oh, wow. I wish that I saw it. I just saw the photos after, and I haven't seen Bert Reynolds in years. I feel like he hasn't done anything since Boogie Nights. That's all I can remember, like, but surely there was like maybe one or two things after. Oh, yeah. I think he had a television series after that. He was fantastic in Boogie Nights. Oh, yeah. He's great and everything. He's always funny. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We were just talking before we started about the evening shade with such a great show. That was a great show. So that show was created by the women who created Designing Women. I love. Yeah. I love that show. I always had, growing up in the Northeast, I always had a real aversion to Southern shows. Yeah. For some reason, they just rubbed me the wrong way. Like, Mama's family is my least favorite sitcom of all time. Yeah. And, but I loved her shows because they weren't like, flow or all that. Right. Bloop, bloop, bloop. It wasn't a Southern face. Yeah. It wasn't he-hop. Yeah. Like, everything seemed like a real face. Which, do you know where you were growing up today? Like, that's something. Was it offensive? We liked it. Well, on the podcast, speak about how Mama's family is your least favorite show of all time. Yes. Yeah. And I personally like Mama's family when it's Vinton. Yes. You like the later stuff? Yeah. So that show what happened was it aired on NBC for one season, which is when, like, you had Cara Burnett and the larger actors on it. Yeah. And, and Ruma Kline Han. And then it got canceled. And then it came back in first run syndication. Right. Which is when they- And that's the version that I like. Right. And it was on all the time. Like, if an old NBC episode to come on being like, but yeah, and just switching it. Which there are people probably would say, by the bell and good morning, Miss Bliss for this year. Yeah. Right. Right. And I like, yeah, I like Vinton. Thanks a lot. Mama. It was a little bit. Yeah. I mean, it was like- I've never seen the show. It's very no shoes. Yeah. It's like real look. Yeah. It's just- I don't know what it is. And maybe I'm the same way as you. Like, I don't think I ever besides designing women, I never really watched anything that I felt like was so- I just couldn't, like, it was like it was in a different language. Like I couldn't find it in. This is maybe looking back on it, not something I thought at the time, but when a show is bad enough and broad enough, like, so broad, it sort of leaves the realm of trying to be a good story and becomes like this surrealist sort of like, you know, Ooboo Roy presentation. Right. It's like Kabuki Theater. Yes. Exactly. It was Southern Kabuki. You know, now that you've put it that way, I might have to check it out again. Might have to check it out. You're going to regret that decision. I'm sure I will. But there were shows that you did, which was like Evening Shade, which was great, just a great small town show. Designing women very funny. She also did Hearts of Fire, which was very, very good. So there were shows. It wasn't just the South, but it was the aspects of the South. Right. Yeah. She was the- Anthony just passed away recently. He did. He did. No. He should still have Taylor. Yeah. Yeah. Delta, uh, not Delta Burke. Dixie Carter died. Oh, Dixie Carter died. She was also on Desperate Housewives just to bring it back. Full circle. And different strokes. Do you know that whole monologue from designing women? I used to know like that whole, um, monologue where she yells at the woman who's talking smack about Delta Burke at the first pageant. Oh, yes. And that wageness. And that mojorie. So you know, and so your children will know is the night the lights went out in Georgia. She always had a huge, like every episode for the first few seasons it was like this huge just tearing down of people monologue every episode. It was great. I loved her. She was very sassy. She was so sassy. I loved her. I used to have the monologue. Uh, actually the whole scene memorized from the growing pains episode where Matthew Perry dies from drunk driving induced injuries and Mike tells Carol because it's her boyfriend. And whenever, when people would have me do auditions, which has since stopped, uh, maybe because of this, that's what I would do. And he's like, Carol, the, the hospital just called and Sandy just died. She's like, Michael, see, we're not as sick as Joker. I'll never forgive you. And then she goes into this hole. What happened to his second chance and the auditioners are like, just read from the side you can. You know, this is like, that's what the script said. I'm playing Carl Siever in this show. No, this is a commercial for Doritos. You're like, I have some ideas. Yeah. So everyone should memorize a TV, a TV monologue at some point. So Saturday night, I have to say, I was very impressed with how quiet it was when you guys were deciding there was very little argument that we were in the room because I think we are so different that we watched totally different stuff when we were when we were younger in this time period that we're dealing with. So I think you'll find the schedule sort of reflects a few things that we both watched, but also a lot of like, just me and just you. Yeah. I feel like this is a great relationship test. You know how people in the Catholic faith have to go to those, like those classes of this place. Free caners. Yeah. Yeah. We should just have people do one of these before. Yeah, television, this, that. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you're credit for not religious. Yeah. So this is our version of that. This is like a secular. It's our pop culture. Pre-kana. I like it. Perfect. This is how I'll make money on this. Saturday night, eight o'clock, what'd you go with Saturday, eight o'clock, which I don't know. Saturday is always notorious to like a bad TV night, isn't it? No, it is, yeah. Because people are out. Yeah. So that's where like freaks and geeks died. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's like once you move a show to like Saturday nights, it seems like that's it's death stories. You just don't care. Saturday, eight o'clock, we went with dinosaurs. Now's the moment. The moment. The moment. It was. It was a half hour show. It was a half hour show. So what you guys didn't realize was that the dinosaurs you're watching is not the Henson dinosaurs. Yeah. This is a PBS show called Dinosaurs with an exclamation point. Oh, no. And it is a documentary about dinosaurs. I'm still happy. I'm still okay. That's something you go to like the iMacs and you're like, thanks mom. Yeah. We couldn't see the dino. And the iMacs. This one is dinosaurs. The death of the dinosaur explores theories regarding the extinction of the animal some 65 million years ago. So it's just me and you stay there waiting and we're like, when are they going to do not the mama? Yeah. I mean, these dinosaurs are not as cute as that tiny baby dinosaur. That's not good. So that's what that dinosaurs is. We picked cosmos basically. Yeah. I would still enjoy that though. Yeah. Sometimes that stuff's good. I would have gone with cops as I do every Saturday night. In this particular episode, Indianapolis deputy Mike Himmel questions children who witnessed their mother's stabbing. Oh, Jesus Christ. Deputy Chris. This is a great last name Chris Boomer shine. Oh, that sounds like a character name on mama's family. Mr. Boomer shine. Like, that's not somebody's real last name. Boomer shine. Oh, my God. Arrest. Somebody took some liberties at Ellis Island. Look at this guy's a real boomer shine. I don't know why the Ellis Island guy's from Boston. All right. Boomer shine. You're not a lot. You're not welcome in these moments. My name is bombshell. Boomer shine. Boomer shine. Arrests a motorcycle that's suspected of trying to hide marijuana. Very exciting. Very exciting. You got to stop those people. Or we also wet Baywatch. And it's a boomer shine. Baywatch. You know, even when I was like, well, at this point in my life, I would have gotten, you know, huge boners from Baywatch and I still couldn't watch it. Yeah. It wasn't actually if you watched it in order to sexually to let yourself as a young boy. Not good for that. It was horrible. You waited forever and then some episodes didn't even have very much TNA. Yeah, it was just like a lot of like terrorists. Yeah. Guys, like it was like a bank robbery. Yeah. Did you ever see Baywatch nights? Yes. I was going to say Baywatch nights. Baywatch nights. Yes. Because they were like, you know what's missing from Baywatch? Monsters. Did they get rid of the monsters after season one? Or did they do? They added the monsters. They added the monsters. Right. Season one was just a straight up like, I'm a magnum PI and then they're like, it's not working. Well, let's add monsters. There's a fantastic ad for Baywatch nights on YouTube. Where it's just Hasselhoff and he's like, hey gang, like he's just talking to his viewers and fans. And he's like, look, we got a new show. Think you're going to love it. You know? It's all I needed then. They would just be like, what are we going to do to sell the show? He's like, I got it. Turn that camera on. Turn the camera on. Turn it on. Just roll it. My favorite bad episode of Baywatch nights is literally about an unfrozen caveman. So this unfrozen caveman goes on a rampage and goes on a rampage in like Malibu Beach and Mitch has to go like, talk him down. You're like, I know you don't understand our worlds. Malibu is a weird place. It really is. It really is. You used to joke about Baywatch nights like me and my friend, like there was some producer that thought the only thing that you needed to make a show good was to have the character Mitch. Right. Or the Navy Baywatch. Yeah. So we would just always be like, more Mitch. Like, everybody, it's a show about cowboys. More Mitch. Baywatch cowboy. My dad seems to think that he doesn't understand that I'm not famous and why I'm not. So if I ever like open for anyone or like meet anyone, he's like, they're your best friend, right? So if he sees they've come to town, he'll ask me like, or if they're in a movie, he's like, how come you know they're in that movie? And I'm like, I'm not famous and they're a famous actor. Yeah. And this is always his suggestion. He's completely sincere. He goes, why don't you ask him, you know, they need like martial arts instructor for that movie. You know, if you have a scene with a martial arts instructor, are you martial arts like certified? Indeed. I do have two black belts. When I was like 13, but the real core of the weirdness of this is that my dad feels like absolutely any movie can benefit from the addition of a martial arts instructor. For character. That's his Mitch. That's his Mitch. He's like, American beauty, martial arts instructor. He doesn't really disagree with them that much. I don't know if we could ever prove him wrong. Yeah. It's hard to test. Like martial arts instructor. That actually would work really well. Yeah. There'd be some less boring stuff in that movie. Yeah. So I, I agree. The introduction of Mitch is I, I'm surprised they haven't done like Baywatch nights with a K. That's it. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Just gave me thrones and rippancies. It's thrown back to Connecticut Yankee. Full on. Oh, we should pitch this. This should be. That would be so awesome. It's not busy. It'll work. So if 30 you don't watch anything because you're doing an hour of the Diamonds. We're still watching dinosaurs. Yeah. I, I probably would have gone with cops. Again, there's this one as Nashville officer Ed Crouch. There's some good cop names in this episode. I also love other naming the cops. Yeah. Like credits. And also he cares. Like he could just be this cop did this instead. They're like Jared M Logan, a cop precinct in this parish. A cop tackles someone like, like someone's going to be like, oh, it's an officer Crouch episode. Oh, yeah. I'm watching it. Crouch is on the case. If you hate cops and want to hurt one, here's his real name. Here's his name. He's in the book. Yeah. Yeah. You don't want to watch this. It's a boomer shine out. Boomer shine. That guy phones it in with those marijuana dealers. And the way he talks to those kids about their mom stabbing. Oh, totally. Boomer shine move. Such a boomer shine. But on Nickelodeon at 8 30 was my move. The adventures at Pete and Pete was on. Oh. Fantastic show. One of my favorite shows of all time. This one is a great episode. This is a family for you to rubs. And Mr. Hickel bounces radio frequencies off the metal plate and Mrs. Wrigley's head. This is a really great bizarre episode. Yes. Steve Buscemi is in this. Wow. As many episodes of Pete and Pete as Ellen's dad. It's a really good episode. My Pete and Pete memory is big. Me too. I just remember like two red heads, figly. Fighting the oceans. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Artie, the strongest man in the world. Met every so many things. I realized. That's the summer episode. What we did on our summer vacation. Yeah. And as an ice cream salesman, Mr. Scrummy. Oh my gosh. Yes. Really good episode. You know so much. It's sad. It's sad. Nine o'clock. What are you going with? The five Mrs. Buchanan's. Which I've never seen. This is a Jared pick. Weird show. This is the debut. Yeah. Oh, this is the first episode. The first episode. So I actually did watch this. Were you excited for it to come on or did you just flip to it? I was, I'm 14 years old and for some reason I was just like picking what I wanted in the fall preview. Okay. I do that every week. Would you go through it? Just the fall preview. Just the fall preview. And I was a quitter. So this one I think I quit pretty quick. What was the show? You end America. This was all. Oh, go ahead. They were all married to brothers and they all hated the mother. So their mother, it was a mother in law show. Right. Oh, okay. And they were all different types. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Anybody worth worthy, noteworthy on it? There weren't a lot of actors of note in this show that I can think of. I'm checking the listing here and no one is even jumping out right there. It wasn't a great show. It was, they tried to advertise it like the five misses Buchanan's might all be. It might be some polygamy. It's like big love. And it wasn't. It was pretty, it was pretty much like everyone loves interactions with mother in laws. Five times. Yeah. Sometimes that, and I just remember, I just kind of used it as my, my, you know, your go to reference for a super obscure TV show for years. And then after a while, I was like, I don't remember it at all. So I got, it's on everything's on YouTube. Yeah. So I just watched the first episode on YouTube and you have siblings? Yes. I have one younger older, younger brother. Do you care of siblings? I'm all this of sex kids. You owe the oldest. So you bought the oldest. Yeah. And so were you in control of what they all had to watch? That's a good question. Yes. Because it was TV. Yeah. In fact, my, my mom and dad would take my, my orders sometimes. Were they orders or were they like, Jared, what should we watch them? It was kind of like that. It was what you said. It was kind of like, could you? You've done the research. Could be good. Yeah. Tell us what's good this fall. These two, the video store sometimes. So it'd be like an entertainment tonight, like here's my picks for the week. Yeah. Yeah. More than 10 year old boy. Yeah. Sorry. Not the five Mr Buchanan's looks a okay. Yeah. But they would veto me sometimes. And I think I can do a couple of the things that they would like put in place of my picks that are on here. So I could talk about how much I, I drove, that drove me crazy. I lost my control. Was there anything you ever recommended to them that they hated and they were like, what the fuck? There was a show that came on one time. I can't remember the name of it. I don't know when. But it was about a writer who all of his imaginations came real. Yes. Yes. It was called the People Next Door and it starred Jeffrey Jones. Oh my gosh. It sounds like a movie TV version of the show, Delirious. It sort of was, but they were like bizarre, like a talkier kind of like a talking painting. Yeah. Like monsters. I think he was a cartoonist. He was a cartoonist. Yes. The premise was, it was sort of like a Gary Larson far side type cartoonist, so his cartoons were very strange. And everyone thought he was this comedic genius, but really he was just drawing these other dimensional beings that he saw. Oh my gosh. So of course they would pop up and only he could see them or everybody could see them. I really, and he only he could. Yeah. I think that was cool. I loved it. I didn't think it lasted two episodes. Yeah. Yeah. I loved it. But I will also admit that it made me feel weird. It was one of those shows that just makes you feel weird. Yeah. And my parents were like, don't watch this anymore. Yeah. It seemed like a foreign show that had been dubbed into English. It was that kind of year, like I think something's translated and really that show was produced by Wes Craven. Wow. Wow. This is flying so much. It was his only foray into comedy. Yeah. Yeah. That was the one I remember being like, no, no. People that stores great. Yeah. My parents did not like it. Yeah. I don't remember that. Yeah. It was very short lived. And do you make a recommendation to see your younger sibling? Well, here's the thing. In our house, we weren't allowed to watch TV during the week. Really? But we so which I think is a bad rule for any parents listening to the podcast that have like that are deciding how to do that because then on the weekends, it's all we wanted and we just sponged it. And then we started sneaking it as we got older. Like I remember I would wake up at 6 a.m. and go down to watch swans crossing. Yes. Yes. I had my hand on the power button in case I heard my dad coming and then I would just like turn it off really quickly and he'd sometimes feel the TV to see if it was hot. Sir Michelle Geller was on swans crossing. Yes. She was. I don't know that show. It was like a stupid teen show. It was like 15? Yeah. 15 was Canadian. I watched that. Oh my god. Ryan Reynolds was on that. Oh my gosh. And then Covington Cross. There was this one girl named Ashley who like always stocked like this with her eyes closed. Yeah. What are you guys doing? Jake. What's the bad idea? Swans crossing. But anyway, I would, we would make like deals with our parents on certain shows like Twin Peaks. We convinced them to let us watch certain episodes of 902 and we would like make deals if we clean the basement. We could watch it. Don is losing her virginity. Yeah. There's a big thing today with Dylan and Brenda happening at prom so I'm going to need some, I'm going to need to deal. I will watch the car. Yeah. You're cleaning our gutters for the event television. Yeah. Yeah. And they pretty much let us watch anything they thought was a mystery. Hence letting an 11 year old and a nine, 10 year old and a nine year old watch twin Pete. Would they watch it with you? No. Not that one. Okay. No, but they're big mystery buffs. Yeah. They love mysteries. They don't that you were watching. Yeah. Father Dowling mysteries and you were watching 10 Peaks. Right. Very different. Although I think that father Dowling could have solved the Twin Peaks mystery. Oh, quickly. Yeah. Yeah. One episode. Yeah. If you did watch a mystery with your parents, would they be like armchair detective and be like, I know who did it. Uh, they watch, see that we didn't watch that much stuff together. They watch prime suspect and they watch stuff like that. Yeah. I'm sure my dad and his head thinks that because he's a know it all the time anyway, but get me my pipe. Yeah. I tell you what my parents would do, which is that any kind of suspenseful thing in any movie or television show you watch, my mom would just start saying my dad's name. So as the suspense would start to be all for help, she would just be like, Bill. Bill. Bill. She wants to be like, what do you want? What? My dad once was like, I can't go in there and say, but what else could he say? That's like literally how he described his mom to me before I met her. And then I met her. I was like, yeah, this track. You would be very scared if when she met you, she was like, Bill. Bill. Bill. Bill. I was like, I don't think he likes her. So I would not have gone with the five Mrs Buchanan sadly. I think I would have gone with a terrible show called time tracks that was basically a rip off of Time Cop, and in this show, a fugitive played by Antonio Vargas, who was Huggy Bear on Star Ski and Hodge, jailed for a murder, wins a retrial, but he fears that the priest, and this is the best part, played by NBA great Julius Irving, who heard his confession of guilt will testify. I've seen time tracks and it is a piece of crap. Yes, but it has Dr. J and Huggy Bear. Yeah, that's a great, yeah, that's a great episode for sure. 9.30 would have gone with it. 9.30. 9.30, we went with our U of Fred of the Dark down on the old Nickelodeon. So you've gone over to SNCC? Yes, we've now fully committed to SNCC. A terrifying show for many children. Oh my god, it made me so scared. The weird thing is that- I think it was because it was so Canadian. It's very Canadian. But I would also watch the tales from the Crypt, and that made me really scared too, but I can't even say there was that much of a difference in this amount of scaredness that they both gave me. Oh, the Tales from the Crypt was a lot more graphic and a lot more boobs. Right. What was like HBO versus Nick? Right, right, right. Yeah, next up here- I don't know why it made me so scared. Well, I think it was because the stuff was happening to kids. Right. I think that was the difference. Like Tales from the Crypt, it would be like a guy cheating on his wife, and I'd be like, "Oh yeah, there's nothing to do with the morality, too." Yeah. And I'm like, "I do everything right." But Tales from the Crypt, I mean, Friday for the Dark would be like, "That kid just went into the woods and a fire demon burned his face off, like it would just be like, "What did he do wrong?" I remember seeing one where Tia and Tamara, the twins, one of the twins, and she was a chameleon. She could like change into thing. It was like so scary. Yeah. That's great. I think it's kind of cool that you had a show that was dedicated to scares, but they couldn't be graphic. Right. So that makes you come up with creative solutions. Right, creepy. More hitchhiking. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And that's really brilliant. And I also think that there needs to be lots of scary stuff for kids. Yeah. Better adults. Yeah. I think it honestly, sincerely does, and there needs to just be always a scary show for kids. Yeah. Like, what scares kids now? Although, to be honest, I watch Adventure Time all the time now, which is a great show. And there are some terrifying episodes of that. Yeah. You think? You're like, "No, I think you're too traumatized." Yeah. To kids watch Adventure Time? Or is it a one-teenager? No, it's kids. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Big time. And that's the only thing I've seen that reminds me of the scary stuff that we all saw as kids. Yeah. Interesting. Now, I always, whenever I'm like meeting a person and getting to know them, I always want to know what they saw as a kid that scared them because that's like a key question to me. And it's almost always, "Watch her in the woods," the peanut butter solution, which was a Canadian thing. I saw both of those. "Return to Oz" comes up frequently, or any one of four "Punky Brewster episodes." Was "Watch her in the woods." Oh, okay. Go ahead. I'm sorry. No, no, go. I don't know that. Well, I remember the "Punky Brewster" episode where they're in a nightmare. Yes, that's the Indian fire spirit is "Locks them in a Cave." That scared the crap out of me. Yeah, that's on the scares everybody. And then, "Was "Watch her in the woods" a British show? It was a movie. It was a Disney movie, actually. It was when Disney was making PG-13 movies, they made something wicked this way comes and "Watch her in the woods" is the same year. They were sort of spooky horror movies for kids. But did you ever see the movie with the Hug-a-Bunch? The Hug-a-Bunch is terrifying. That was what I had. That was me. That scared me so to my horror that I don't think I talked about the Hug-a-Bunch until college again. You ever seen the Hug-a-Bunch? No, I know what they were. They were a toy line, right? It was a rip off of "Cabbage Patch Kids." Yeah. But there was a Hug-a-Bunch movie. What happened to this movie? This girl, it's a live action movie. Since girl gets sucked into Hug-a-Bunch land and they're like, "You have to save us. There's an evil witch. It's very rigid of us." And the evil queen at the end has like this glass case like comes down on her and she like turns to stone and something like that. I just remember that being like, "Ooh." Very scary. It was made for TV movie to try it as a pilot for a potential series and it did not. Because children were probably crying across the nation. It's really scary. Yeah. That's awesome. I have a bunch. There's a British show I saw. It was on PBS or something. It was for kids or the leads were like kids. Maybe it was a family. And it's about these stone circles of them. Yes. Children of the stones. Children of the stones. From 1975. Oh my gosh. Wow. That's terrifying. That's a part of Nickelodeon had a thing called the third eye. And what it was is they just bought sci-fi shows from Australia, Canada and the UK because they were super cheap. Yeah. And there are only like six episodes and so they would err them under this banner called the third eye. So there was one called Under the Mountain. There was an Australian show called Round the Twist and Children of the Stones was one that they aired a lot. And it was terrifying. Yeah. It was scary. There's been like evil druids and a town priest who was, it's very 70s and Sean Taping was very brutal. Yeah. Yeah man. But you know we had to watch it and then it always tear for us. Yeah. But I agree with you because like I've been babysat for kids recently where they're like we don't watch the first five minutes of finding Nemo and I'm like oh because the animated fish's mom doesn't come back. Yeah. Like there's not even anything violent that they show. And they don't do the shirky. Nobody wants to like nobody's show kids anything terrible. No one wants to give kids any personality. Yeah. So we're watching that and I would have watched it as well. I loved, I was a SNCC diehard even at this time. What are you going with? I think you said you watched Sisters all the time. Yes. So we didn't normally pick ten but Sisters. Yeah. I don't normally pick ten but I wanted to see if we could squeeze that in as a bonus. I loved that. This show was huge. I loved it. I don't know. It was like Seal Award and Sousie Kurtz and another woman who's on Law and Order all the time as a judge and they were these four sisters and then later I think they discover a fit sister and they all have boys names and it was just kind of like a soft like prime time soap. You know. It was sort of like 30 something. Yeah. But I just like loved it. I thought that these like women are the most like crazy and I remember even in one of them, one of them was having an affair and I remember thinking I was like 13 and I was like wow having an affair looks really exciting. You should have watched Tales from the Crypt instead. I know. Tales from the Crypt would have taught me really that would not be a piece of shit. The award was huge. Yeah and she was like so pretty and yeah, she was a huge star. She just disappeared like she never shows up in anything. Well she was on house for a while. Okay. As like his love interest and then that's the last thing and you know I hear her voice all the time in Crest smart like voice over. She does do a lot of voice over. I hear her doing voice over and I'm like I know that's U.C. The award. Yes. I hear you. This episode is particularly good because it has a guest appearance by Mr. George Clooney. Oh. I remember. As a character. Do you remember what his character's name is? No. It's Falconer. Oh yes. Yes. Yes. And he was a Seal Award love interest I think. Of course. Yes. Of course. If you need to be a love interest to the award you have to be a George Clooney character. But what the balls on the rider they were like they were like when you cast this it pretty much has to be George Clooney. Who else are we going to get to play someone in Falconer? Well he wasn't that big at this point. He had just started on ER. Oh yeah. So he and he had his die hard fans from Facts of Life probably. Which is me. But he had been around forever and all these sitcoms and that was really what broke him was he are. So Sunday night eight o'clock would you go with? Murder she wrote. Murder she wrote. So that would have been one of the vidos. My mom or my grandmother who was watching me had to have murder she wrote on. Yeah. Did you like it or you just put up with it? I really resented it but then I would also eventually kind of get drawn in. You know. Right. And I remember like there would be things that would look my interest because she would do it an episode of Stand Up Comedians. Yes. I remember an episode with like shock, shock, radio guy you know. Yeah. Stuff like that would like catch my attention. This is the 11th season opener. Good. I think it went a lot longer than that. And so this one opens at a zoo where a death by snake bite uncovers a virtual nest of human vipers. Whoa. Sounds like an expos. Got your work cut up for you and every single situation at a fire house. Yeah. But they all have human vipers. Yeah. They're all on that. Human vipers. And just the amount of crime that happens in Cabot Cove, Maine. Well she's usually on the road with her book tour but then there were the Cabot Cove episodes were kind of special right? Where should we go back? You'd get some more in her background or someone from her past would come up. Right. Hello, Angela. Yeah. I thought you were dead. Like that kind of stuff would come up very frequently. Her name wasn't Angela. So what was it? Jessica. Jessica. Why am I blocking you? Jessica Fletcher. Fletcher, yes. I knew her from that and then I remember being really shocked when I saw this Danny K movie. Yes. With the Fox. You know that's his character in it. The court jester. Yes. The court jester. She's very young and she's very young and they showed it to me around the time when I knew Marisha was a kid and I was like holy shit, it's that woman and she's hot. Yeah. She was pretty young and you're in bed knobs and broomsticks wasn't she? But she was still kind of a bitty in that one. Yeah. She was sort of an older woman. She's a witch. Yeah. Yeah. She's no seal award. Yeah. It'd be funny if they had some show now with seal award in it as an old lady and there was like a kid and you showed him sisters and was like she used to be a tractor. It's seal award, yes, or even do it to clear that little man used to be. That's true. Yeah. So I probably would not have watched this. I would have been with The Simpsons. I had to get nominated until I'm going with The Simpsons. This one oddly is about a novel. This is a romantic novel inspires Marj's family discussion of love, but the stories told all seem to end in heartbreak. It's literary. We have Marisha. We have Marisha. The Simpsons. You're watching Marisha wrote it at 8.30. I'm going with a very little love, very bad show on Fox after The Simpsons called Hardball. It's about it was basically a ripoff of Major League as a sitcom. Oh, okay. Terrible show. I always remember Herman's head following Simpsons. It did earlier, but it was those were my night before. Those were my Simpsons years. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Herman's head was a great show. Hardball. Not a good show. Nine o'clock. What are you going with? We got married with children, which Jared was not allowed to watch. And that's also why I'm not watching The Simpsons because The Simpsons is not allowed in my house. Were those the only two not alloweds? There were others, but they're not allowed to watch. It made me so mad because they were just based on some news stories that this is bad for your kids. No, I'm a reason. Totally. Yeah. And then you'd be like, you haven't watched it. Yeah. You know? The Simpsons is great for kids. I think. You learned so much about culture. Yeah. You truly do. Married with children. That has more adult themes. So maybe I kind of meet them halfway on that, but honestly, like, I missed it. I missed it. I totally missed it. So Fox was mostly out. Yeah. Especially in this era. Yeah. I am. You can't play Mortal Kombat. Yeah. Yeah. I think they were allowed after a lot of playing Mortal Kombat. There was a lot of news stories about Mortal Kombat, I remember. Yeah. Yeah. You know, we have like a church newsletter where like Jimmy Swaggart every single month would tell you the show's not to let your kids watch. What an asshole. Yeah. What piece? Like why? I bet he just sat there and watched him. I watched this man. Oh my god. Oh no, Jimmy Swaggart. Jimmy Swaggart. He was the head of this mega church and he had like a week. Oh, see, I don't know that stuff. You didn't make it up here. Yeah. And so like every month they had new shows, we weren't allowed to watch. Now my mom and dad showed some judgement like, "He me in" was on it one time. And they were like, "For pagan reasons?" Yeah. "For pagan reasons." And they were like, "My dad's like, 'There's nothing pagan in this. This is like Star Wars." Yeah. Or like Scooby-Doo, the talking dog. The monster's always a person. Yeah. And again, it was for a cult reason. Cult reasons? Yeah. That's like very early. But then like even later, I remember Mary and her children wasn't no godless. And did you have anything banned? Yeah. Our not alloweds were so random because both my parents worked and so I think they would just pop their heads in and be like, "Not allowed." I don't like this. Just randomly because obviously Twin Peaks, they weren't really policing us too hard. Yeah, yeah. All about the teenage prostitute and murder and incest. Yeah, exactly. We weren't allowed to watch, you can't do that on television because my mom didn't like the slime. Slime. She thought that was just gross. I don't like green things. Yeah. She just thought that was gross. And I was like, "Okay, what?" And then we weren't allowed to watch Three's Company because I think a lot of people thought, but we didn't even get it. I was like, "This is neat. They're roommates." Yeah. I think a lot of people thought that there was an insinuation that-- Just three sums all the time. And that he was gay. Well, he pretended to be gay. He pretended to be gay or something like that. Yeah, there was a lot of pretending to be gay in the 80s for various games. I'd be like, "I can get this really cheap apartment if I just pretend to be gay or something." Right. Which everyone would do now. I don't think pretending to be gay would get you any benefit. Yeah. It would be like, "Who cares?" Well, Karen knows my background and there was that short period where I had to pretend to be gay. I had to get that apartment. The apartment in New York. They'd put some buddies. Did you ever see that? Yeah. They had to dress up like women to get a cheap apartment in an all women's apartment building. Of which there were so many. Absolutely. I mean, that's how I moved to Boston. Pretending to be gay for a funny person. So I didn't have anything banned except for 2020, which was because I was nervous about it all the time. My parents were like, "Stop watching this." I was like, "Don't go to the ATM. I won't wear a lapsie belt. We can't go to that place." Yeah. Shut up. That's hilarious. Yeah. It was more just because it annoyed them. But it is interesting to see what your parents banned because you get sort of an insight into their weird hang-ups, like green things. It's gross. Really? Weird things they have. That was like so rude. And maybe she thought the cook wasn't his name, Barf. Barf. Barf. She thought there was always stuff where he was cooking hamburgers that had hair in it, and I think she was just like, "This is gross." Yeah. Yeah. I heard that. Yeah. This is Steph's phrase that no one cares about. So this episode of Married But Children, Bud's intense studying for a scholarship makes him periodically not off. So in a passionate encounter with Marcy's niece, Julia Tayback, a dream or real? Interesting. Interesting. Yeah. I've seen so many episodes of Married But Children. I bet you have seen that one. Wait, Bud was studying? Yeah. That's already. Was Bud smart? No. No one on that show was smart. Because you were poor. But the people would argue that Bud was like the smarter chai. I mean, because Kelly was like an idiot. Yeah. I still remember they did this one thing where he was helping Kelly study for something because if she won this trivia show, you would have got the game show episode. And I still remember that every time she gets to a point where smoke comes out of her ears and they're like, "She's at capacity." And every time she learns a new thought, the first thought goes away. It was a very cartoonish. The first fact goes away. And I remember thinking like, "Does that happen?" And I remember thinking like, "Smoke was literally coming out of her ears." No, no, not that. Just like you did. You didn't question that piece. No, not that piece. I mean, the piece of like, "Do we all have the capacity for a finite number of facts?" And because you forget things all the time, you're like, "Oh, I must have just replaced that with like everything I know about came for Dashing." That's actually a very Victorian idea. Yes. And you can add in like Sherlock Holmes, how your mind has to be a well-ordered study and just to put the right things into it. And that's what Sherlock Holmes has done, whereas most people are like, "Oh, I have to pick up milk." Or whatever. Just stick it somewhere. Yeah. And then also, if you have something wrong with you, just bleed. Yeah. Go to a barber and bleed. So 9.30, what are you going with? Oh, well, Sunday's so weird because it's all these movies on. Yeah, mostly movies. And after "Mare of a Children," we didn't see anything on at 9.30, so we decided to go with Fishing with Roland Martin. Fishing with Roland Martin. Fishing with Roland Martin. This is on TNN, the Nashville network, which was the Southern network. It was a lot of fishing and tractor pulls and that sort of thing. And one of my favorite shows, it was called Dance Club, but it was just old people, country line dancing. And it was filmed in some club in Nashville, and it was an hour of like, it was just amazing. It's so funny. And if you put that on now, how many hipsters would do or that? Walking with something like a 24-hour webcam and some real backwards dance club that you could just any time just see old men with mustaches just shitting around. I'd watch that all the time. I would have gone with a show on Fox called Wild Oats. We looked up the description. We didn't know who anybody was in it. It's all it was in it. Oh, wow. Wow. Wow. Very, very short lived. And this is when a local TV show films the Friends Interaction, Jack plays to the camera and violates Shelly's request for privacy leading to Brian's own betrayal. It was sort of friend's-ish. It was a workplace to come. It wasn't very good. Yeah. Yeah. I probably would have watched it because it was new and I would have just checked it out but it wasn't very good. Right. Monday night, eight o'clock. What are you going on? We're going to do coach. Coach a show. I never liked. Never liked coach. I'm with you Ken. Oh, we were a coach family. Really, it was Craig T. Nelson. I couldn't hold on to him. Yeah. I was bored with it. And the football stuff. Yeah. At least favorite Van Dyke. It was too... I didn't like it. It just seemed like hanging out with your dad's friends. Exactly. At least I know. Yeah. I was like, I don't want to go there. I'll be honest. I can't sing the praises of coach now but I do remember really liking it at the time. Did you, have you ever seen Craig T. Nelson stead up comedy? Oh, no. He does. He did. He did. If you go to the improv. It's the thing, the improv of the comedy is thrown in LA. His headshots up there. Yeah. That's amazing. Interesting. Yeah. A lot of it was about him confronting modern issues with his like, bullheaded dad's friend mentality. Yeah. So at least it played off of that in an interesting way. It was like a less hateful Archie Bunker kind of thing. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, just, I mean, I'm not a sports fan. It was hard for me to get into shows about sports. Me too. I've seen some things. I've seen some things. Come on. He's amazing. What's a... Parenthood. poltergeist. You don't watch parenthood. It was amazing on period seasons on demand one Christmas, it'll vary recently. Really? Here's my favorite Craig T. Nelson role. Action Jackson. You ever seen that movie? Is he the chief in that or like the captain or whatever? He's the main villain. Oh, damn. He plays a martial arts expert drug dealer who fights Carl Weathers to the death for the hand of vanity. That's awesome. It's a pretty good movie worth watching. I haven't seen action Jackson. I know you haven't. Definitely. I don't want to brag. In my home of ridiculous things that I should know and I have an action Jackson cast jacket. Yeah. Yeah. It is satin. When do you wear that? Oh my gosh. Holiday special occasions. Sure. Yeah. I mean I wear it a lot less now than America because I don't have to impress ladies so much. Sure. Right. I have a large collection of crew jackets because you can get them very cheaply. Oh wow. I have to wear it from growing pains. I once saw somebody on the Upper West Side wearing a crew jacket that said Pine Valley USA which is where all my children, the soap opera, it takes place. Oh so it must be a crew for all my children. Yeah. It was a woman with a neck brace like just barreling down Broadway in a pine valley USA like varsity jacket like a letterman jacket. Sometimes when I see a crew jacket I'm like that's a second hand crew jacket. Yeah. That went to the... We saw one. We saw one just somebody wearing one for the state the other day. Okay. And it was so weird because we saw one wearing one in our neighborhood and then I'm friends with Kevin Allison on Facebook and he posts something about it the same day. Seeing someone wearing one? There were only like 20 of those made and I don't even have one. He's like, "Who has these?" And I was like, "I just saw someone in my neighborhood with one." So someone's like, "I don't know." I have worn out my Parker Lewis cast jacket. Oh my gosh. I'll show it to you after if you want to see it. It's a varsity jacket for the high school, the San Domingo High School and it has the years of the show on it. It's pretty cool. That's a brilliant show. I love that show. I love that show. So much. I mean, was there anything else like it when it came out? No, it was very, very innovative. It scrubs was very influenced by it, I think. Yeah. It was really, really just the weird cinematic. Pitten Pete was a bit like it, but yeah, Parker Lewis was a great show. It had like a little bit of a Ferris Bueller thing going on. Yeah. But it took you a bit better. It took you a little higher. We were totally a weird version. Yeah. But there was a lot of shows, and I've talked about this a lot on the show before, so if you're bored of this, people, that's too bad. But about how these shows that were heightened reality and very surreal actually felt more real emotionally for teenagers because it kind of captured what it sort of felt like to be that age. Sure. I'm sort of making these things surreal. Yeah. And it's sort of counterintuitive, but I think that's why they really appealed. And there was a few of those at the time. And there's probably like a thing, if you were older, you were like, what is this? It's good. It feels right. Yeah. I don't get it. It would still be Gillis. I had many choices to date besides Coach, I would have gone with either Fresh Prince or the nanny. I would have gone with Fresh Prince, but I compromised. Both good. Or the movie Overboard is on. Oh! My favorite movie. Such a good movie. Not as one of my favorites. And in a bar. One of my favorites. So one of my favorite movies. I love that movie so much. It's such a great movie. Is there an Overboard theme bar in New York City? No. No. But some bar had it on, and they had the closed captioning on, and I have a problem if you got to watch movies on a bar, and it's interesting. Yeah. I love that movie. It is nothing not good about that movie. Every scene. You watch it and you're like, "I see why Goldie Han won the hearts of the nation." Yeah. I totally get it. A full set-hoe child? The rich. The rich. The rich. Yawn is so funny. Oh yeah. They've been in the bed together, and everything. They've been taken them down a notch. Yeah. Kurt Russell, charming, and everything. The mini golf course at the end that I wanted to play so bad. I wanted to play so bad. I was like, "Is that real? Where is it?" I wanted a shop. There was no internet. I couldn't have looked up where that. Oh, God. I wanted to go to that mini golf course and shop it over our heads from Facts of Life. Those are my two life goals, neither of which can ever be completed. So, I want to go home with that. 8.30, what'd you go with? Blossom. Good pick. Yeah. Good show. Yeah. I loved Blossom. I was a big fan. Now, you were the Blossom watcher. I did not watch Blossom. I watched Blossom. I had much more in common with Teenage Girls this time. I used to read Sassy Magazine. Oh, yeah. Sassy. I had a subscription. Watch Blossom. I told my dad it was so I could get into their mindset, but I just really liked it. Yeah. I think her, like, re-emergence recently is kind of interesting. Yeah, with the Big Bang. Yeah, with the Big Bang Theory and, you know, breastfeeding your kid till he's like five years old. Yeah. And having a family bed where like all of your family sleeps in one bed, it's so cool. You know what, though? Every time I hear something like that about her, I go, "That doesn't surprise me." Yeah. Sure. Yeah. And I don't know if this is apocryphal, but I heard a tale that Sandra D, the actress, breastfed, till she was like in her twenties. And someone who said she was breastfed? Her mother would always be with her on set and would like go into her trailer and like feed her. That's so disgusting. I don't know if that's true, but I heard that from several different sources. That's probably true. Yeah. It's probably true. It's so creepy. It's super creepy. And that's definitely something probably the mom is like, "You need to be part of me forever." Yeah. Super creepy. It turns me on a little bit. Yeah. But I loved Blossom also because Beaches was like my favorite movie. Where she plays the young Batman, when I loved her, and so that sort of naturally translated into my love for Blossom. I do have a small problem with Beaches in that the lyrics to "When Beneath My Wing" are a little self-serving. It must have been cold there in my shadow. Yeah. Oh, excuse me. Yeah, yeah. Like, it must have been tough not being me. Yeah. Well, that is kind of a character in the movie. Yeah. C.C. Bloom would totally say that. It's kind of a dickhead movie. I mean, we're talking about Midler. That's true. She's like, you know, she's huge. She's not that headline. She's a share. She's a Barbara Streisand. It's true. There is a shadow. It's true. Let's just talk about the reality. There is a better other shadow. Right. It must have been cold there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And Barbara Hershey froze her ass off. In that shadow. In that shadow. Cold and lonely. I had to sing that song once at a fifth grade recital. Yeah. You know what? There was a lot of that. That song was all over recitals. Yeah. Big recital song. Also, some people forget now called Voices That Care, which tried to be the We Are The World for the Gulf War. And we had to sing that at a recital, Brian Carr was in it. Really? Yeah. It was ridiculous. Also about others from a distance. From a distance. That also felt like it's sort of amazing. All the same here. To bring world peace. Yeah. Yeah. I bet there were people who used to win Beneath My Wings as a wedding song. Yeah. And it's probably a wedding. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And we're talking about that the other day, because we're engaged. Yeah. We're getting married. Do you have any ideas? Well, no, but we hear like a song that's like that stay with me on the idea. Yeah, well that's a nice song. So nice. But then you listen to the words and it's like, "I'm not good at one night stands." But can you just hang out for a little bit longer and hold me? Yeah. Because I'm a person and I need love. So that's where you go? No. Well, the right to song about it all worked out and we become very adult in our expectations and how we communicate. Like songwriters. Jared wants, Jared wants just what I needed or something. But the cars? Just what I needed. That's a good one. That's a great one. This is that are candy-o. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, people that write songs are not happy people. It's just like people who write Yelp reviews don't do them because they had a good experience. Right, exactly. Yeah. It's people who are motivated by being upset. Yeah. Yeah, totally. Yeah. So I'm going with that. I agree. This is the fifth season opener. It's a great episode. Nine o'clock what are you going with? Nine o'clock we decided to go with Party of Five for the hour. Yeah. An hour party of Party of Five. So I never watched but really loved Jennifer Love Hewitt and Neve Campbell. Yeah. But I never watched Party of Five. I was in love with those two men. The guy that was in his box and Scott Wolf, they were so hot. And I thought Neve Campbell was cool and I thought like we, everybody hated they came back. Neve Campbell and Love Hewitt are of course huge funnier and dudes for me. Yeah. Do you remember when she had a musical career? Jennifer Love Hewitt. She's got one single on my iPod right now. What's called? Bear naked. Oh no. She's got one before that. Which one? It's called Let's Go Bang. Wow. And I remember I was 14 and I was like, um, and someone asked her about it and she goes, the producer told me it was the name of a dance, the bang, and there were posters of Jennifer Love Hewitt. Let's go bang. And she's like 15. Oh, I have her. Yeah. Like when she's 25 single, that came out like 2001. Jamie Kennedy years. Yeah. Yeah. I have that kind of sexuality where that would make me uncomfortable. Like I'd be like, oh, Jennifer Love Hewitt. Let's go bang too much. Too much. No, you're too far. I know. I can't follow all the hands. Yeah. Yeah. I want to be cold in your shadow. Yeah. Let's go bang Jennifer Love Hewitt. That's hilarious. So this episode has a guest appearance by the deceased Brittany Murphy and Steven Root. Oh, wow. I love Steven. You're just playing the coach. Party 5, I loved because I wanted to, not that I would wish my parents to be dead, but I liked to look at this experience of these kids where the older brother gets to be the dad. I thought it seemed sounded kind of fun. But you were the oldest. So you would have to be the older brother. That's true. You would have to grow a stubble. I kind of thought about that too. I was like, that would be kind of fun. Then they'd really have to listen to me. Did you have a job? Was it teenager? Yeah. What did you do? I did all kinds of stuff. I babysat and I wrapped gifts at a fancy gift shop in my town and then I sold children's clothes later. That you stole? I'll retail. Yeah, yeah. Off the back of the ball. I still chose this. So do you think you could have supported your siblings from that? I don't know. My parents probably wouldn't have had any contingency plan in place, so I would have just been me. Well, you have the Beanie Baby income. That's true. I did have a Beanie Baby that I sold for $300 in 1998. Really? What was it? Was it the Jerry Garcia? It was the Princess Diana one. Very rare. When she said that, I thought it was like a Beanie of Princess Diana. Yeah. Like it was like her little crown of base, but it's not. It's a bear. It's a purple bear with a little yellow heart. Fair enough. A yellow flower. Yeah, I would not have gone with Party of Five. I think that I would have watched the show that I'm just intrigued by the title here. It's called Submarines Sharks of Steel, which is the shark of the ocean. Fantastic, fantastic. You know what you're getting with that program, but then also you might be surprised. It's true. With some submarine facts. Because Jaws, also a shark of steel, and it was a fake shark that was made of steel. That's true. I assume it was steel. I don't even have to admit to that. It's a classic. So Tuesday night, eight o'clock, what are you going with? We went with Full House. A terrible show. Yeah, not a good show. Not good. But for Jared, that show was like Valium. Right. Like if I... You're addicted to it. Yeah. I know. I know. Your doctor prescribes it. Not his crippling addiction to Valium. I use it for my back. Yes. No. I see that it's not very good, but if I'm angry for some reason it calms me down, I don't actually understand it. Do you get angry after it? Oh, I'm a very angry person. Okay. So it's your picture of a kitten. Do you carry it on your phone? Like if he's gone back? No, that would be smart. That would be smart. No. That would be smart of me. But it's usually when he's traveling by himself. When I'm with him, I can calm him down. Usually when he's traveling alone and, you know, the flight's delayed and they're keeping you on the tarmac for all of that stuffs happening. One time you just saw it on JetBlue, right? It was on JetBlue, and I was like, I was like red face like that. It's like seeding of anger, and then it was like boom. Now, did you watch it the whole run? Yeah, I watched every, I've seen every episode. I probably have to. Are you upset at the end? Wait, remind me how it ends. Michelle falls off a horse and gets amnesia, am amnesia, where you get a bullet and you forget things. It's amnesia, and it's a two-parter, and the first part's a clip episode because they have to try to remind her all the good times they've had, and then she remembers. That's the last episode. Michelle, when it ended. Ten? That old? Yeah. That's coming through to me now. They did, like, 97. I'm remembering the final episode. Yeah, that's, final episodes are sort of uniformly shitty, aren't they? Usually, although there are some exceptions of some great final episodes. Sure. One of the next generation Star Trek is the amazing final episode of New Heart. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. No, I mean, I actually like the latter episodes. I like the Ranger Joe situation. What about? Pooley died. Pooley. The Pooley did episodes awesome. Oh, we've moved off a pool house now. We're fully on Deep Space Night. No, no, no, no. Pooley does sound like a character from Star Trek the next generation. Who's Pooley? We've gone into the Pooley galaxy. There was an episode of Full House where they bring in a character, he had never been on it before. No, the Greek grandfather, who played the Greek grandfather on everything, including Webster. And you're like, dude, this dad has to bring in two buddies to help raise these kids and his grandfathers. Yeah, it's the whole time. It's not even friggin' show up. Yeah. My grandfather was named Peppooley, and he's there for like a little bit of the beginning of the episode that he dies. And then the whole episode is about Michelle learning to deal with his death. Yeah. But my favorite scene is when she finds out he died. She made him this thing in school, and it's like a balsa wood bridge. I don't even know why she made it from there. And she comes in the kitchen and she's like, I made this for Peppooley. Where's Peppooley? And they're like, Michelle, Peppooley died. And she smashes it. She's like, no! I see that. No! Okay. My name was Peppooley. I have a favorite. I have a favorite full house. I just have to mention it one time. It's the one where I forget, and I had Candace Cameron and Stephanie are upstairs, and they put a hole in the wall. Yes. And then the dad's downstairs, and Michelle has to distract him. And then he grabs her, and then I just always remember, he's coming. He's coming. He's coming. He's coming. He's here. That's what I remember. Were you a big fan of the Comet era of Flus? Oh, yeah. Sure. I mean, that's earlier, right? Oh, it's close later. They got him as a puppy. Oh, he got him as a puppy. Yeah. We went to San Francisco, like two years ago, and we walked all over Creation to find the Full House House. Yeah. Which you can Google Map. Yes. You can just Google Map the Full House House, which we thought would also be the painted ladies. Yeah. They're separate destinations, and they're not close to each other. Yeah. You have to have walked to them. But you did go there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. How come were you for the next six months? I was so calm. Yeah. I was so calm. Just seeing them. It was like going to like the birthplace of the Buddha. Yes, yes. ♪ Bop, bop, dah, dah, ow ♪ ♪ B-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d ♪ - Yeah. - I always liked a long version of the theme song, I thought it was a shame when they cut it down. - I think all shows should do the long themes. I guess after a while it starts to feel weird to people, like it's, 'cause there was a trend for a while, it's just like, bump. - Yeah, and then that's it. - That's happening now, I think, it's like Breaking Bad was just bomb. - Yeah, Breaking Bad should have been like, it's a rare condition. It's called Cancer. (laughs) - Yeah, well they stuff so many commercials in, they can't do a long theme if you want more stuff. - Yeah, you gotta make money. So I would not have gone with Full House, I had checked out by the time I moved to Tuesday night, so I was no longer a TGIF viewer, and I would have gone with Wings, which was a great show. - Amazing. - About two brothers who run a flight, what's the thing, airline? - Like a Charger, yeah. - A Charger airline on Martha's Vineyard had-- - Oh, Martha's Vineyard. - Was it the Martha's Vineyard or-- - Nantucket. - Nantucket. - It wasn't Nantucket. - San Piper Air. - Yeah, San Piper. - But I always remember Wings being on after stuff, not at 8 o'clock. - Yeah, so they had moved it to Tuesdays for a while, and then it moved to Thursday nights on after Cheers. It was a night show, but at this point they were trying it on Tuesday night. It was sort of, they were trying to rework the show, they added Amy Yes back to the show. - All right. - Is she Helen's sister? - She's Helen's sister. - Yeah. - Also from the Problem Child movies. - Yes, suddenly. - She's very funny, and this show-- - And Robin Hood Menentite. - Yes, and Robin Hood. The only movie I ever walked out on in the theater. She's too bad. I was like, "This is terrible, absolutely terrible." And Roy, the most unlikable character on the TV show. - Roy is awesome. - Big fat, he looks like Victor Selva, a convicted child molester. - I mean, Wings to Me has a little bit of this weird, almost like sesame street feel, 'cause all these wild characters, and they were each at a different station on the set. - It was like a zoo. - Yeah, it was like a little zoo. - It was a very theatrical show. - Yeah. - It was very good. So we're going with that. And this one, Amy Asbeck joins the cast in this episode. 8.30, what are you going with? - We're going to catch the second half hour of Rescue 911. - Is there a better idea than having bad actors re-enact if you don't have one called? - Yeah, it's amazing. - Yeah, there was a lot of that thing. Like, what can we get transcripts of or recordings of that we can use for free, it's not copyrightable that we can then get bad actors to do. - Right, and then they almost had no one ever died really, so it was not like they were using a terrifying 911 call, and then, you know, like, yeah, I saw one more kid was just trapped behind a toilet. I was like, he can still talk to you while it's happening, right? - How do you get the phone? - He's not going to die there. - That's the one in television, a kid trapped behind a toilet. - Toilet, yeah. But you've sort of summed up a metaphor of television now. Children trapped behind toilets. - Did you have, like, safety rules from... - You learned like that one? - So I remember one specific episode where somebody had, like, a soda can or bottle, like, roll underneath their break, and so when they were trying to break, they couldn't stop the car, so now whenever I'm driving and I, like, drop a water bottle, I'm like, stop the car! - Yeah. I've seen someone almost die this way. - Yeah. - Do you ever meet William Shire? - I need to tell William Shire about how he saved my life. - One of my favorite rescue number ones was a guy got crushed by a giant boulder, and it was almost like the most Z-grade budget remake of the Indiana Jones opening. - Yeah. - A little paper shaped boulder. - Or, like, a prequel to 27 days, whatever... - Yes. - He called for... - 127 hours. - This episode is a hiker in Illinois who fell into a narrow crevice, a pregnant woman in Texas went into labor at home with a baby that was breached. Those two things are unrelated. - That's not a before and after. - The crevice is breached. - Yes. Snorkeler in New Zealand who was attacked by a great white shark and a woman who found her petulala unconscious. - Wow. The great white is really the... that's your... - Yeah. That's your appointment. - That's your appointment. - That's your appointment. - It's a shark of steel. - And also, but I never really felt like Rescue 9-1-1 had the budget to recreate a shark attack. - No, I'm guessing what they did. - It was like they did it in a pool of water. - And probably had a shark's point of view. - Yeah. - When you shake the camera. - Yeah, exactly. - So, 9 o'clock, what are you going with? - 9 o'clock. We are Frasier. - Good move, not a show that I like, but better than Home Improvement. - Oh, Home Improvement's a piece of crap. - It's my second least favorite show, probably. - I mean, I'll give you that. It was so repetitive. - Oh, and it was just so... I've said this before, but going... Watching Home Improvement feels like someone has blindfolded me and dropped me in the middle of a Hess gas station. Like, it doesn't wake up, it doesn't like a Hess. Like, that's the feeling I would get watching Home Improvement and being like, big Reese's are on sale and what's happening. Like, I don't know what it was. - I never watched. - I didn't realize that something is repetitive. - Yeah, so unlikable. - I never watched Home Improvement. Like, yeah, Tim Allen really came to me via the Santa Claus franchise, but Frasier was also a show I never watched when it was on and I watched it more like in the 2000s when it was in syndication and that's kind of when I started to like it. It's a show I tried to like, 'cause I loved Cheers. - Yeah. - And I just couldn't get into it. - I will say that I think later Frasier starts to get better when they stop sticking really hard to making it realistic and they start getting broader and then Niles and Frasier become more of like an Abbott Costello pucker. - Yes, 'cause I like these Frasier barks at Martin for not having had the dog neutered and decides to take Eddie to the vet himself. - I vaguely remember it. - I did like Eddie. - Yeah, he's good. - And I liked John Mahoney 'cause he wasn't saying anything, even though he was a creepy scumbag and saying anything. - Yeah. - John Mahoney was a truck driver. He got involved in the Steppenwolf Theater in Chicago and that's how he became an actor. - I'm not surprised by that. - Yeah. - Yeah. - I really remember when the show was first on, I was like, "Oh, that's just the show about the dog." - I think I thought the show was about the dog. - 'Cause they did really push the dog. - They pushed the dog. He was on the cover of magazine. - It was him and Murray from Mataboney. - Yeah. - They pushed the dog and so I was like, "I'm not going to watch this show." And then later I really liked, I thought the show, I never really like Frasier himself, even on Cheers. - Yeah. - And I liked Niles and I like Daphne and I liked John Mahoney. I liked all the other characters. I liked Raws. - Everyone liked Raws. - Yeah. - Marketing people always push the dumbest thing about a show. - Yeah. - They're always going to be like, "Look, a cute dog." - Put it on the T-shirts. - Yeah. - You can sell cards. Just to enrage you, you might need to watch the house after this. I'm going to read you the Home Improvement Description. - No. - A tool time special puts Tim in the cab of a hydraulic crane, which drops a three ton steel beam on Jill's car. Well, that's one way to eliminate the scratch. Tim was to have repaired. - He probably was in the crane and wanted more power. - Yes. He might have grunted. - But then after he destroyed the car, I bet he talked to Wilson who-- - Told him it was wrong. - Very and a very repar-- yeah. Very told and like very clearly the moral of the episode. - Tim, it's wrong to abuse your legs. - Wednesday night eight o'clock, what are you going with? - Wednesday eight. We're-- okay, so here we ran into where we didn't quite know where to go, so we went with some things we had in her go. - Yeah, there's a lot of new shows that failed on this one. - Yeah. - Wednesday, yeah. I remember Wednesday being a night like that. - The boys are back. - So the boys are back was a show with one of my favorite people on Earth, Hal Linden, who was Barney Miller. - Okay. - The runway actor. And so Suzanne Plashette was also on it. - Oh, yeah. - New Hearts wife on the Bob New Hearts show. I don't remember a ton about this show, but I did watch it because Hal Linden was in it. So this is after Fred and Jackie agreed to babysit the kids. They're offered tickets to a Barbara Streisand concert. So Rick offers to watch them, but who is going to watch him? I think this was about adult children moving back in with-- - They're parents? - Oh, okay. - Yeah, and I remember much about the show other than that. - No, terrible premise. - I'll watch anything with Hal Linden, I really will. Who was on Supernatural this season? - Oh, really? - Yeah. - He played a Gollum fighting priest. - Of course he did. - Yeah. Makes sense. So I'm going to check that out. 8.30, would you go? - And we're going to go, I think it's funny that the same network paired these together. Then there's Daddy's Girls. - There is Daddy's Girls. - First, there's the boys, then there's Daddy's Girls. - Yeah. - This one is very intriguing. - So this was Spirited by Dudley Moore. He was the main guy in the cast. - No way. - Oh, I'm out. I didn't realize, I'm done. - Well, you might be into it though, because his best friend was played by Harvey Fierstein. - I'm in. - Back in. - Yup. And the daughter, Keri Russell. Felicity herself. - No way. - This one is when-- - There's only one girl? Daddy's Girls are just Harvey Fierstein. - There was only one girl, but she was the only one of note. Yes, Harvey Fierstein played the teenage girl. - I would watch that show. Dudley Moore is Harvey Fierstein's father. This is when Phoebe gets the opportunity of a lifetime, a chance to become a model in Paris. Dudley takes an eternity to tell her she can't go. We've all been offered modeling contracts in Paris. - Yeah, there were a couple like sitcoms sometimes where it was like about very rich people. - Yes. - And they're kind of like, "Why am I going to watch this?" - Who cares? - Yeah. - Yeah. - I could not identify with that at all. - That's why I never got into like Silver Spoon or any of that stuff. I feel like Nathan Lane had a show where he was an opera singer. - Yeah. - Or there was a show, it wasn't Dudley Moore, somebody else was like a concert pianist. - Yeah. - I don't know. And like, I like opera and concert piano, I guess. - Are you kind of doing their day-to-day lives or not? - Yeah. - They're problems have nothing that you feel empathy for. - Maybe trying to capitalize on the Frasier thing in a bad way, like the kind of like upper crust. - See, I always thought that was just me growing up around here because there's a real mentality that gets ingrained in you. It's like, "I'll fuck you. What the fuck?" - Well, that's the South too. - Okay. - Yeah. So it's everywhere. That's good. - Yeah. - Yeah. We have more in common than we thought. So I probably wouldn't have watched Daddy's Girls. I would have watched an All-American Girl with Margaret Cho, who I was a fan of at the time. - Oh. - She was the sitcom. It was not a great show. - That was her show, right? - That was her show where she developed the weight issues because they were constantly telling her she was too fat the network was. - Yeah. - Oh my gosh. - But it was the first show with an Asian-American lead. - That's what I remember about it being like a huge landmark sort of show. - But the jokes were still all like, "Oh, I'm so sorry." - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Like it was really... - That's what I... I think I tried it out too. - Yeah, yeah. Not a great show, but I would have watched it. Nine o'clock, what are you on with? - Roseanne. - No question, Roseanne. - Yeah, I mean, Roseanne, one of the greatest shows of all time. - Yeah. - A amazing show. Holds up, one of the best written shows, one of the best realistic depictions of blue-collar people ever. - Yeah. - Goes off the rails at the end. - Totally. - And then when the last few days had a great finale, it managed to pull it back together and pull the rug out from under you and it was fantastic. - You mean you liked the, it was all something to show? - I really did. - I really did. - Wow. - It was like, "So Planet Seeds for that." I mean, it was, they did pull that out of their ass, but it was a great wrap-up. And it fixed the bad last season. - Yeah, because the bad last season was... - Was the last season when they won the lottery? - Yes. - And, yeah. - Again, can't identify rich people. - Yeah. - And so there was a separation, right? - Yes. - I don't think that. I felt like the whole core of the thing was that they stayed together even when things were super shit. - Yeah, 'cause they went through some bad, bad times. - Yeah, yeah. And a lot of that was to do with actual John Goodman wanting to leave the show. - Yeah. - So. But a great show and I loved it. This one is before that. This is, Dan isn't the only one who's a wreck over Roseanne's pregnancy. Meanwhile, David is a wreck trying to pretend that he accepts Darlene, seeing another guy. Pretty common problems. - Yeah, sure. - Much more common than what was on Fox. - Yeah. Maybe she did. - Yeah. - She had another baby after TJ. - She had another Jerry Garcia Connor. - Oh, my gosh. - This was born on Halloween in the Halloween special from 1995. - I may have stopped watching. - How do we miss that? - Yeah. - Yeah. - 'Cause there was an episode where she got pregnant. She was gonna have an abortion. It was a big abortion talk. And then it turns out that her grandmother had had many abortions and her mother had had one. - Oh, my gosh. - It's a big abortion episode. - She talked about that stuff before what we were talking about. - Oh, big time. - Yeah. - Yeah. - It was also on Fox. - Oh, my gosh. I loved models, Inc. - Crazy show. - What a blast from the past. - Speaking of shows, you can't identify with the job zone. - Yeah. - This one, Linda becomes uncomfortable when Kurt, with Kurt, after signing an exclusive contract with his company, Julie is blamed for David's departure, Adam explains his hesitancy about intimacy to Monique and a mystery man, rescue Sarah after a drive accident, maybe a solo bottle was under her... - Yeah. - ...carrier turns to work in a new capacity. - A lot going on. A lot going on. - Um, my first summer camp was 1994, and my sister would write me letters basically recapping what happened when I was in? - Not a little. - She could send me recaps. - Do you still have those? - Oh, yeah. - Oh, that would be great. - I definitely have letters. - Teenage models, Inc. - Recaps need to be like a tumbler. - Yeah. - And she would tell me, like, what happened on all my children, all the stops we watched. She was 12. - Oh, my gosh. - She was 11 when I was 13. - Oh, my gosh. - I want to read all these. - Maybe we'll come back and we'll read them. - Just read them down. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Also want to mention that there's an intriguing show on PBS called Spoken Word Artists that features rapper KRS1 and quote unquote "Rock Poet" Henry Rollins. - Yeah, he is that. - And a rock poet. - That is a thing he was. - Yes, he absolutely was. Adam Cruell had a great quote about him saying he calls it Spoken Word and everyone thinks he's great at it. And if he called it Zen comedy, they would all think he was terrible. - Yeah, yeah. - I mean, it's the same thing. I mean, it's 30, what are you going with? - We got to do Ellen. - Yeah, Ellen was a show that wasn't bad. I just never got a new one for whatever reason. - Uh, yeah. - That's pretty short. Like, it wasn't only a couple seasons. - It's not a long time. It's not about eight seasons. - Oh, really? - They revamped it a few times. - Oh, right. Well, that's actually, I just remember hearing somebody write a lot of people have been saying stuff that like the Mindy Project needs to cut characters or just have there be like her and one other character and they're like Ellen did it, like Ellen, she'll read it. - Yeah, it was originally called "These Friends of Mine" and it was about the whole ensemble and then it kind of focused down to Ellen. - Well, what year was this coming out year? What season? - It was '96. It was the last-- - So, this is so cool. - So, okay, so I guess that's why I thought that it was old because I thought that it was short-lived because it got canceled right after the game. - Everyone stopped watching it. - Yeah. - But people thought it was because it was the gaming, but the show actually just got really bad after. - Yeah, and eight seasons, I think, is respectable and enough. We need to learn that in the US, I think, sometimes. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. So 9.30 watching Ellen, I probably would watch this "Nothing Really Else" song. Two more nights left here, Thursday night, 8 o'clock, must see TV night. - Yeah, we're pretty much on TV down the board all night. - Yeah, I mean, this was the time for it, although this old house is on at 8 o'clock. - Oh, that was another one my parents made. - My dad would always watch this old house. - I still watch it. - You still watch it. - My wife and I watch it and we literally-- - But his Bob Villalas still on it. - Oh, no. - Oh. - I was on a plane with Bob Villal once. And then that same week, a friend of mine had jury duty with him. - Wow. - And I said, "Was Bob Villal the foreman?" And he goes, "No." And he was pissed. (laughter) - Ruses with greatness. - But we'll still watch this old house and enjoy it. And then in the middle, we'll turn to each other and we'll go, "We just watch the guy hammer nails for 15 minutes. I don't know. I don't know." - See? - It's sort of hypnotic. - My parents did the home repairs. They are obsessed with turning around houses. - Flip it. - And I'm not handy at all. - Yeah. - Yeah. - You know? - They're very into that. So that was on that thing. - Yeah, my dad would watch that and I'd be like, "Oh, please turn it off so we can watch my show." I think it was 16 minutes on Sundays. - Oh, no. I couldn't stomach that now. - Yeah. - Normally, I would watch Muscle TV. I love Mad About You. Mad About You, I think, is one of the most underrated shows in the 90s. Really funny. - Yeah. - Always. - It was really funny. - Great show. And this is a good episode. Rumors of the building going co-op, escalate the hostility between the Buckmans and their British neighbors, but their dogs form a more perfect union. Another episode this week about puppies. - Oh my God. - Oh my God. - I don't doubt the top of this. - I remember that episode. I liked the British couple next door. They were like very snobby and upper crust, you know? - Like a Frasier with puppies? - We got a chihuahua having a heart attack. - We got a chihuahua having a heart attack. - So he only gives away the ending of it, which the dogs, they fuck, and then they get pregnant and then they all make up. - Yeah. - Because of the beauty of life. - Exactly. - No, no, no, no, no. - But this was the one year that my so-called life was on, which was a show I watched at Thursday. - Oh, yeah. - Absolutely loved. It was the only thing I had to talk to my crush about on Friday. - Great. Girl probably loved you for watching. - It was great. I think she just thought I was gay. But I had to talk to her during history class about what happened on my so-called life, which wasn't the only reason I watched it, but certainly helped. And in this episode, a rebellious substitute teacher creates a revolution in Angela's class. The one that they implied he was gay, Ricky came back at them later. This was towards the end of the series. - Yeah. - Because that only had two seasons, right? - Only one. - Only one season. - Yeah, not even a full season. - Yeah. And then there was like a whole rally to like move it to MTV and let's see. - Oh, that's MTV. - MTV. - It was MTV. - So what happened was as much as I loved Claire Danes, they uncantled it. ABC said, "We'll do the show." And she said, "I want this bunch of money to do it." And they said, "No." And she said, "I'm doing movies." - Oh, wow. - Wow. Really? I didn't know that. - Yeah. She had to do it was right for her. But that was a, yeah. That's a shame that there was such a good show. - Yeah, because if you believe in the show and you have that kind of fan base of people, you do one more season without getting-- - But it could have been terrible. - Yeah, maybe. - Yeah. There's a series of books written by the writers of the show called "My So-called Life Goes On," which is not a mashup of those two shows. That is-- - The Corky and Angelica. That is-- - That is crazy adventure. - Whoa. - Is essentially the second season of the show. And it's what would have happened because it's the real writers of the show. - That's amazing. - That's amazing. The worth reading, you pick them up cheap on Amazon, but reading them I did go, I'm glad they didn't do it. - Yeah. I gotcha. - It's a lot of brands. - It's just, you feel like when somebody just cancel, when somebody makes a show go away because of like money, you're like, "Oh, come on, you couldn't be devoted to the cause." But they had said, "No, we did what we wanted and we didn't have any more ideas if everyone would have been like, 'Great.'" - Yeah. - Yeah. It's because it wasn't their own thing. - Right. - So I've been watching that. 8.30, what'd you go with? - I'm friends. - Friends. - "Show I Hate." - Yeah, you know. - I do not like friends anymore. - I hate anything. I hate it now. - I thought it was vaguely-- - You hated it then? - Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. - See, I vaguely was like into it. I thought Phoebe was really funny. I thought like there was some funny things. I always hated Ross, like, but I thought there were some really funny things. I believe that today it does not hold up at all. I watch the jokes now. I'm like, "This show sucks." - It's not funny. - But I can see why 14-year-old me thought it was funny. - Yeah, I know sort of glamorous. - Yeah. - We were talking about the comeback and then we were talking about how Kudrow was the only woman that got to have a character because Rachel and Monica did not really have a character. - You know where she was the only woman that got to have a character because people weren't trying to have sex with her. - Yeah. - That's right. - Yeah. - Every plot was just who's sleeping with you and no one was trying to sleep with her so she got to be a person. - Yeah. - And then, you know, Aniston becomes this huge thing, this huge thing. - She was a haircut. - Yeah. - She was on a magazine show. - But I thought her and Monica were inter-changeable characters, really. - They had no-- - Oh, Monica used to be fat. - Monica used to be fat. - She used to be fat and she's really into-- oh, she's OCD. - She's a chef now. She was fat. - Yeah. - Yeah. - I think that was even added later. - Really? - Yeah. - Yeah. - Not a good show. - Well, the beginning, yes, she was way trissing, the way the diner, the Marilyn Monroe diner or whatever. But here's my other complaint about the show and one of the reasons that I wouldn't watch it was, at the same time, "Living Single" was on. - Yes. - Which was a great show. - I was into the Fox stuff, too, like Martin and-- - I do know I know I know, but I loved "Living Single" and "Friends" was a blatant "Living Single" rip-off. - Really? - "Living Single" is "Black Friends" a year before "Friends." - Wow. - And they just remade it in a not funny way about people with money, and it made me mad when I was 14. I'm like, "This is just "Living Single" but not interesting." - Yeah. - Yeah. - The text in the city is just "The Golden Girls," like, you know, "Redone Everything." - That's true. - And there are no new ideas. - Yeah. - But that is very close proximity. - Would not have watched "Friends," nine o'clock with you. - I mean, we're at Seinfeld, of course. - Seinfeld, I absolutely would have watched Seinfeld. This is one where "Cramer Fears, a Golf Dispute, has pushed his opponent to murder, and George gets no credit for buying Elaine's lunch, Jerry dates a woman whom Newman rejected." - Oh. - I don't remember that one, which I'm actually surprised. - I love Seinfeld. When you talk about Seinfeld and "Friends" in the same breath, it's like, Seinfeld to me holds up a thousand percent. - Seinfeld's a much better show. I think it holds up, but I think it's really dated, which surprises me. When I go to watch it now, I'm like, "Oh, this is in those 90s show ever." - Well-- - But if I watch "Mad About You" or "Wings," they feel much more timeless. - See, I think it's like, of course, Jerry's got a huge phone and all the stuff that technology-wise, but I feel like the situations they get into, and maybe it's because we live in New York, I'm like, "Oh, my God, that's so--" - It's a very New York show. - It's so true. This is totally how it is on the subway. This is totally how it is when you're with your neighbors and you don't talk. When I see some of those situations, I'm like, "I will watch an episode like a month ago where I'm like, 'Oh, my God, that is so right on top.'" - Would you go to New York a lot as a kid, because you grew up in New York? - In Connecticut, in New Canaan. But yeah, I would as a kid, but still, I don't even think I didn't have any idea. I don't think I got it as much as a kid watching Seinfeld than I do now. - It did, it seemed really alien to you, because I imagine it was very-- - I just loved it. No, everything seemed to make sense, and it was awesome at 14, and I got to say, probably subconsciously, some reason that I ended up in New York is seeing it there. - Because of Seinfeld? The first time you went there, were you like, "Yeah, yeah." - Oh, yeah. No, that's what you're kind of like, "Here it is. This is it." And then, I mean, to the show's credit, it does kind of represent it pretty well. Like, you do get a sense of what it's like, you know? - Yeah, I love it. - As opposed to, say, like a "How I Met Your Mother," which is all set in New York, but I say that it's set in, like, theme park ride New York, you're like the fake Disney, like, backdrop version of New York. Seinfeld, I think, even though it's done for like a comic strip kind of feel, you get a sense of the city. - Yeah, I would agree with that, and I'm watching that as well. 9.30, you're sticking with Mad Men of the People? - Yeah, we're going to do Mad Men of the People. - Dabney Coleman's final sitcom. - Oh, Dabney Coleman. I definitely remember watching that, then. - They constantly were trying to make Dabney Coleman a sitcom star, the show before this was Drexel's class. They'd not take off. - Yes, Drexel's class. - Can we write another one called Buffalo Bill? - Drexel's class was Fox. - Fox? - Yeah, one called the Slap Maxwell story, which did not do well, and Mad Men of the People, they were like, "We got it. This is it. - This is what-- - What was it about? - He was a columnist in this. - He was. He was. He was a newspaper columnist. He was a show he was in 10 years before this. So this is after Jack writes a column expressing his wish for the death of a noisy robin, the bird chirps its last chirp, prompting the neighbors to want Jack, tarred, and feathered. - So said Tommy. - So he's an asshole like Dabney Coleman always is on shows, and people weren't into it. I would have watched it. Final night of the week, Friday night, eight o'clock. - Friday night, eight o'clock. - I went with one of the shows that I was always made to watch, instead of one that I'd like to watch, which was Diagnosis Murder, Diagnosis Murder, which I've never seen. - Which I've never seen. - Which is a terrible murder. - Dick Van Dyke. - Dick Van Dyke. - It's a terrible father dowling. It's like the worst of those. - Oh, it's Dick Van Dyke and who else? - Dick Van Dyke. It's, oh damn, who are his buddies in that? - He's a doctor, right? - He's a dog murder. - He's a dog murder. - And they saw Smurfers. - I feel like they still do those every now and then because like made for TV movies. - It was so flat, and my grandmother would be watching us, or... I'm actually embarrassed 'cause I'm 14. Maybe I'm remembering from when I was like 12 or less. - Did she just love Dick Van Dyke? - No, they loved anything that was like, you know, the old Matlock joke. They like to see young people in behind bars where they belong. You know what I'm like. - Do people put them there? - Yeah, my family was very much in the school of New York, or the city is filled with evil people who want to rape and kidnap you, and friendly Dick Van Dyke will put them in jail. - It's a jolly only day. - Yeah. - Jared described his parents to me as like, before I met them, too, as like, they won't like anything where, 'cause I was like, "Oh, maybe your mom will like Nurse Jackie. She's a nurse." And he was like, "Does everything end up happy at the end of every episode?" Then no, she won't like it. - That's why I watched this. - So this is a very special diagnosis, Smurf has some great guest stars, including Barry Van Dyke. - Oh, is that? - There might be some relation. I don't know. - Uh, Sally Kellerman. - Oh, yeah. - Hey, Victoria Jackson. - Yes. - That rightly nut job. - After a wealthy patient misses an important appointment and disappears, Dr. Sloan suspects both the man's wife and mistress of foul play. - Ooh. - Back to the tales from the crypts, uh, less than a fan and fail. - Like this probably ended a lot differently. - I would have gone with Mantis. - Mantis is a horrible superhero. - Horrible. So bad. - Oh my God. - So about basically a magic technologically advanced motorcycle and suit. - Yeah, basically. - Why does he come Mantis? - This guy, he couldn't walk, right? - Mantis stood for something. - Oh. - He couldn't walk. - He's in a wheelchair. - But if you put him in the suit, he could walk. - Yeah. - And it was an exoskeleton. - Exoskeleton. - And that's why it ties into bugs because bugs have an exoskeleton. - Exactly. - But it was so bad. I watched every episode of like the Flash, or- - Flash was a lot better. - Flash was a lot better. - Flash was a lot better. This was so shitty. - There is some real great names in this week of television. So there's a character called Stonebreak, and it's his last name. And a character goes by the name Jackhammer. - Ooh. - Yeah. - This episode is Hawkins and Stonebreak, Infiltrate a Club, where wealthy betters wager on gladiators who fight to the death. - I think I've seen him one. - It's a good one. - You know what Mantis actually has to fight to the death at the end. You don't see that coming, but he has to step into the room. - He has to fight his best friend. - No, because they weren't as good as Star Trek. - Yeah. Do you remember what Mantis stood for? - I'm sorry. - Okay, either. - Yeah. - If anyone knows what Mantis stood for without looking it up, email me at canread.com, and I will send you an original shooting script from Magnum PI. - Also, if anybody knows what Mantis stood for, maybe today go outside for a while. - Yeah. Maybe talk to a girl. - Yeah. - Don't insult, it could just be somebody who was a Mantis fan, you guys. - It could be a chicken munchier who looked up to Mantis. - Yes. You're right. - Geez. - And he's like, "They haven't vented it yet. Come on." Listen to "Soul Asylum" song, "Black Gold" over and over again. I don't care about no wheels, chairs, so 9 p.m. Friday night, what do you got with it? - Step by step, day by day. - See, for a second, I thought you were going to go into the new kids on the block, step by step. - Yeah. - Okay, they've got to get to you, girl. - Do you know how many times they say girl on that song? - Uh, no. - 17. - Uh-huh. - The countenance. It's a lot less than you think. Two favorite parts of the song, step by step by new kids on the block, is Danny Woods, step one, where he does the worst thing I've ever heard it goes, "Step one," he goes, "We could have lots of fun." Like he's doing a dumb guy voice, and then at the end, Jordan Knight fits in an extra girl. And that fade out, he goes, "Step by step, girl." Like he just tries to get it in there. Like there's a shot clock. - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - Oh. - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." An extra $10 million. - We hit the girl bonus, because it's normally like, "Gonna get to you, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - 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"Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - "Step by step, girl." - 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