TV Guidance Counselor
TV Guidance Counselor Episode 20: Shane Mauss
[music] Hello, it's Wednesday! It's TV Guidance Counselor Day, or that's what I'm trying to make it, at least. It's Wednesday, so it means it's an all-new episode of TV Guidance Counselor. My name is Ken Reed. I am your TV Guidance Counselor. And my guest this week is a good friend of mine, very funny comedian Shane Moss. Now, Shane and I started comedy together here in Boston. Well, we started with each other. We didn't actually start the concept of comedy. But we started doing comedy together here in Boston about 10 or 12 years ago. So I've known Shane for a long time. He's one of my oldest comedy comrade friends. He's incredibly funny. He's very Midwestern in the best possible way. We had a chance to sit down. I don't get to see him as often as I would like these days. So I actually really like just being able to see him and catch up a little, but also talking about old TV. So I think you're going to enjoy this episode. So please enjoy this week's episode with my guest, Shane Moss. [music] My guest this morning is Mr. Shane Moss. Hello. How are you, Shane? So wonderful. For inviting me into your home. Absolutely. And Shane just happens to have super fancy microphones. So if this sounds better than it normally does, you can thank Mr. Moss for that. Yeah, they're giving them a trial run. Yeah. So you picked a TV guide out of the weird trunkful of TV guides I have out here in LA. I'm really concerned about your trunk of TV guides, because you're going to throw a lot of them out. I think I'll have to. I don't know what else I could do with them. I mean, how much, first off, how much did it cost you to get them? It was like $40 to get them out here. And it would cost like $90 to ship a truck. Oh, probably at least, at least. I think I might just get like a prepaid and, you know, one of those boxes and fit as many like good ones as I can in there. So you found them like on eBay or something? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Because there's no place to get- someone $40, I don't even understand how they shipped that for less than $40. I don't know. I guess they use media mail. Maybe they just drove them themselves. They used what? Media mail. So you can ship printed materials and video or audio in a thing called media mail, and it's a lot cheaper. Tell me more. Yeah, take over. It takes the US Post Office has a grid service called Media Mail, available to you at low cost. Now we're working for the government. Yeah, so they got out here somehow that way. But you know, there's no place I could even donate them. Like I can't- there's no like, like children's hospital that wants. I've been thinking all morning about maybe offering. I have a storage thing downstairs, but it's so small. I don't think I could ever ask someone to store TV guides for me. Well, you could store like 30 of them here for next time you're out. Yeah, that would be doable. But then I could also take 30 home. Yeah. Like that's a much more manageable thing than I could do. It just seems like such a waste. It's just a treasure. You open up your trunk. Yes. It is really weird. I hope someone breaks and I don't want someone to break into your car. But it would be funny if someone broke into your car. I just went to TV got jackpot. Just stuff in the trunk. Ooh, I wonder what's in there. You know what's funny is that they jostle around a lot when I'm driving because I got this SUV for some reason. Just throws you into a skid. Yeah, but when I open the trunk, they all spill out. Like they won't stay in the boxes. So it looks extra crazy. Like it's just like they're packed to the gills in the trunk and they all spill out. So you've been one with Alf on the cover. Yeah. This is from August 15th, 1987. I assume you were really into Alf. The covers are so awesome on these TV guides. I was really tall and I forget what the other ones were. But all of the covers were fantastic. There's the Tony Dans in there. Oh yeah, yeah. I saw Tony Dans in and I was like, God, who doesn't want to talk about Tony Dans? And I even got you on from central time because you grew up in Wisconsin and you're one of those central time people. Yeah. Which fascinates me. That's very strange. Uh, not to me. It's not. But you could have watched, you got, I was envious because you could have watched the ten o'clock shows at nine and you saw a lot more stuff without having to go to bed before school. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had a lot of that. My parents were pretty strict about what TV I was allowed to watch. And then there was years where they cut the cable package. Was that financial or were they like, I'm punishing you? No, I think it was financial. I think my dad's like, my dad wants to cancel my mom's cable package right now. Really? And I don't think she did anything wrong. Okay, it's just constantly wanting to cancel the cable. Yeah, it just wants to get. It's the thrill of it. Yeah, yeah, for the thrill of it. It's like, I did this. We got them, uh, my parents are horrible with technology. And my brother and I took a chance and got them Netflix for Christmas. And they absolutely love it. So they're able to use it? Yeah, and they're able, we have it set up. It's very intuitive and everything. And so my dad's like, we don't need cable anymore. He's always trying to get rid of cable. It's very progressive of him. Yeah. And also, you know, economical. Yeah. And, um, but when I was younger, I remember, I can actually, I'm having a memory come back. Right now, I remember we had a couch with a hide a bed. Nice. And I had like a sleepover. And it was like, the stuff that amuses you when you're a kid is all stupid. I remember this hide a bed. So it like pulled out and then, uh, you know, the top part would, would fold up. So you could like kind of be sitting up like a hospital bed. Right, right. And, um, which is awesome. Why don't more beds, uh, do that? Yeah. Craftmatic adjustable. Yeah, yeah. Um, but you could, um, that thing that would lift up, you could then like hide under there. Oh, yeah. No, I, I was well, I used to always hide in that well. It was like a bunker. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was like, it was my one spot that I had hide. And I always just assumed that no one could find me in the one spot that I always did. But they would come out in the beds, pulled out for no reason. It's like, where is Shane? Oh, and the bed just happens to be pulled out. But I remember specifically, I woke up one morning and I turned on the Disney channel. Yep. And it was gone. And it was gone. Didn't you felt like a friend? I just, I just wanted to crawl into my. Did you confront your dad about it? I went upstairs and I was like, mom, you have to call the cable company. Something's terribly wrong. She was like, your dad made me do this. My parents were always like, never wanted to be the bad one. So they blame me. They were always like, if I wanted to do a sleepover or something, go ask your father. Yeah, ask your mom. But they said, that's why you know, that's why they pair up. I needed like a third parent. We all do. That's a progressive outlook, Shane. You need a third parent, just as a mediator. You need a transgendered third parent who is impartial. It doesn't need to be transgendered. It would help. It would certainly help. It should be. I mean, it's a lot easier to be objective if you have both sets of genitalia. I agree. Now we're talking about her mafidites, of course. But that's why most US court judges are hermaphidites. And that's just a fact. That's an absolute fact. Um, so we had a pullout couch as well. And I used to sleep in it all the time for some weird reason. Because I think I like to pretend I had a studio apartment. Also, kids don't have back problems. No, they definitely don't. They definitely don't. They may have them as adults because they like to sleep on these things. And for some reason, I'd sleep and I'd end up sideways on it. Like laying the wrong way on this bed. And one morning, my sister came down and folded me up in it. And when you push that bar down, it is like a... It is like a watertight seal. And I couldn't breathe. I was in this thing, like a sushi roll. But like, it felt like I had a 20,000 pound weight on me. And I was screaming, but I had no air. And one of my parents had to come get me out. And she... She probably thought you were just a dumb kid overreacting to this hilarious joke. Oh, I'm sure. Yeah, yeah. This new death experience, death by pullout coach. I had a young... My sister is five years younger than me. My brother is nine years younger than me. Yep. And that's a big difference. There were, yeah. And there was a lot of that, like me... Almost killing them. Like throwing them around, like, for fun. And then almost killing them. And they broke both arms and you're like, "Come on, you baby." So let's jump right into it. Seven o'clock Saturday night, what'd you go with? Oh, was it supposed to be at seven? I picked animal crackups. Yes. So animal crackups was a Saturday morning ABC show hosted by Alan Thicke. And I don't know why in the Midwest it was on at seven p.m. on a Saturday, but this was like an 11 a.m. show. Okay. It was a panel show with celebrities playing for different charities, answering trivia questions about animals. Oh, really? Alan... I would've loved that. It's pretty cool. Like really good with animal trivia and stuff. Alan Thicke wrote and sang the theme song, which I've sang on the show before but it goes, "Animals are just like people, too." They loved the families that just like me and you. And it's been this way of a since the world began. This is my favorite part. They're the best of friends and they live in one society. One society. Very utopian. It doesn't live in one. No, no. They eat each other. So animal crackups is a pretty great show. I would've gotten them. I like that he wrote. They're like, "How would you like to host a show?" If I could write the show song. Maybe they made that. I think back then it's like, "Well, what are your qualifications?" Well, I've hosted a lot of shows. Yeah, but have you written the themes? He has. He wrote the Facts of Life theme song. Are you kidding me? He wrote the different strokes theme song and he sings it. That's Alan Thicke. That is silly. Yeah. That's what he started as as a songwriter before. Yeah, Alan Thicke. It'd be funny if he just wrote animal crackups as a song. Like this is going to be a big hit. And then it didn't hit. So he goes, "Maybe I can turn this song into a TV series." It's all about one society. That's amazing. Sometimes that song just gets stuck in my head occasionally out of nowhere. You're kidding me. I've never heard that song. I have some copies of that show. Oh my god. So what'd you go with at 730? Then I wanted Golden Girls. Golden Girls is a show that I enjoyed. But I remember I enjoyed it. And I think one time I went to recently I went to a... This was a few years ago. What was it? Oh, oh, I thought I was going to an arrested development trivia night. The band. The show. The show. Okay. At a fancy bowling alley in Austin. And then it ended up being... I looked at the wrong date and it ended up being a Golden Girls trivia. This is my favorite thing I've ever heard that you've told me. And I think it kind of soured me a little bit towards Golden Girls. What was the crowd like there? It was a weird mix. It was like Austin hipsters and then Golden Girls. Actual Golden Girls. Yeah, it was actually Texas Golden Girls. Yeah, yeah, it was many of that. Wow. Just from the show Golden Girls. So this episode Sophia enters a walkathon while the others babysit some participants' children. But when it's over, one baby remains unclaimed. Classic who's babysit. Wait, wait, wait. Can you say that again? So Sophia enters a walkathon. Okay. And while she's in that the others babysit some of the participants' children. But when it's over, one baby remains unclaimed. So someone dumped their baby at this old lady daycare. That's um, you can't really joke about that anymore. Maybe we should. What old people having to watch a child that's been abandoned? Yeah, like that doesn't in a modern sitcom. It came up a lot and that was the whole plot of Punky Brewster. A confirmed old bachelor finds an abandoned orphan in an apartment building and adopts her. Oh, I forgot that was a thing. I would have gone with the new adventures of Bean's Baxter. Which was an early Fox show. Which they say is a drama in here. Which it certainly is not. But it's a 30-minute comedy. But it was created by Savage Steve Holland who did One Crazy Summer and Better Off Dead and How I Got in the College and Lizzie McGuire later. But this one, Bean's investigation into a possible link between what he's mistaken for a pledge during Fraternity Hazing Week. Wow. Yeah, this is a great show. I've never heard of that either. It's very, very obscure. 830, what'd you go with? 8 o'clock. 8 o'clock though. One hour long lifestyle of the rich and famous. Did you ever used to watch this? No, I never watched it. But I thought when I saw that, I was like, "Man, I would be so curious to see the difference between that, what is this, 15 years ago?" Yeah. And 17 years ago. What cribs is. It's really not that different. Weirdly, we've grown into lifestyles that were rich and famous. Instead of just being an hour-long show every week, it is now, there's whole channels that are just lifestyles that are rich. Yeah, it's the same. And I wonder why people-- I figured back then it was all just like CEOs of-- A lot of it was. And a lot of boats. Now it's just like rappers. Yeah. Yeah. Or reality TV stars. A lot of boats. And I remember a lot of people used to watch that show, but I think that probably 80% of the people who watched it, at least in Massachusetts in this maybe unique to Boston area, just watched it to be like, "Fuck you, asshole." Nice fucking place, you jerk. Like I think it was more just for that reason instead of like, "Wow." I could, that could be me one day. Yeah, someday. American dream. Yeah. I don't want a villa in Rome. People aren't as boat crazy as they used to be. No, they don't usually spend a lot of money on boats. Rent the boat. Unless you're John Kerry. You just rent the boat. Is that what you've learned out here in California? That's the wisdom you've learned? Rent the boat. Yeah, yeah. They have, I think they have like, whole companies now that like, you get like a monthly membership and you take like a different yacht. So it's like an apartment? Yeah, yeah. It's like a car. But you can trade out. Oh, nice. Like one. Nice. And so you can have a speedboat one week. Yeah, tonight I might be out running drug cartels. So I need a speedboat. And then I need a pontoon boat for when my kids visit, when their mom doesn't have them. I didn't even think about just like, if they have that in LA, yeah, you can just go and run, do drug runs with your. Yeah, well the boat that's never attached to you. I think we just discovered a new business. Well, we are all in one society. You're going to see us on lifestyles of the rich and famous. Yes, rich and infamous. I wonder how many bad sketch shows did a lifestyle of the rich and infamous? Ah, that's a good idea. Well, if they haven't, we should. We should do that too, yeah. Definitely do that. So Sunday night, the Lord's night, especially in the Midwest. Especially in the Midwest. 7 p.m. What'd you get with? You know, I'm a little embarrassed. I went with murder, she wrote. You shouldn't be that embarrassed because a lot of people pick murder, she wrote. Did you watch it all the time? I feel like I did and I don't remember anything about it. I think my mom enjoyed it and I'd watch it with her. A lot of the TV that I watched back then, I looked back and was like, oh, that was me. Like, oddly, just wanting to bond with my parents. Like, that was the one time that they would not be yelling at me to tell me what to do and like, restricting. By the way, it'd be like. That's parenting. Yeah, it'd be like, hey, get out of that tree. Right, don't set that on fire. And you're like, get out of my back. Quit hassling me, man. Would they talk to you when you watch these? Like, would they explain things or you just, it was in silence? No, I remember, I remember watching a lot of mash with my dad and I wouldn't know a thing about what was funny or what was going on other than like, guy of mighty clothes. Yeah, always funny. I didn't know why he was wearing lady clothes. He might have been a judge. He's prime third parent material. And, but yeah, I remember I would laugh when my dad would laugh. So that's how you kind of learned how to be funny or what was funny, like by design. I mean, by example. Yeah, yeah, and I remember sometimes when my dad would be like, do you know why that's funny? I'd be like, yeah. Sure, I do. Sure, I do. Yeah, I never, that's an interesting, because you're the oldest in your family, so you didn't have the older brother effect of that either. I hung out with some kids like older me. I was wise beyond my years. That's the best way to be. I know this is the best way to be. I remember like not believing in Santa Claus, like in line with the kids that were like three years older than me. Yeah, I mean, I forget if I've told this before, but there was a kid named Tom Murphy. The Murphy's lived next door to us. There was eight of them, I think. Are you choking or laughing? I'm choking on Cam Boocha. Yeah, I ruined Cam Boocha. You're ruining the party. Yeah, Cam comes over yesterday. And I'm like, we were talking about beverages, and he was trying to push his coconut water, which I'm a fan of. Well, no, it's almond aid. Almond water. Ah, yeah, it's even better. So he's telling me about that. So I'm like, have you had Cam Boocha? Because it's like this weird, yuppy thing. Everybody loves it, yeah. Probiotic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was on some weird diet one time, and it was like the only thing I could drink besides water. And I was like, you gotta try it. And he's like, oh, it's a little vinegary for me. And it just completely ruined my Cam Boocha. You're like, now I'm just drinking vinegar. And now I just took a drink of this, thought about how vinegary it was, and then spit it up and choke. And he looked at me the whole time and was just pointing. It was very, very disturbing, but also somewhat satisfying. I hope when I'm in a death rattle kind of, in the last throws of my life, there's someone around that I can just point at. And just do this stare. Or if you can get out like a just move, yeah. Or just point to your watch. Like, just make some really cryptic hand gesture. Like, I might fold myself up in a pullout couch. So I'm in distress. And then practice hand gestures. And then death throws. So that I can get them on the deathbed. Just to. I like when instead of pulling the plug. And then bury the whole pullout couch. There's just plenty of old pullout couches around. It's a cemetery just of all old pullout couches. And you can go sit on them instead of going to a grave. That's the marker. You go sit on the pullout couch that your loved one is inside. You're going to have to preserve their body. Yeah, it's like a little smell so much. A lot of pullout couches smell anyway. For breeze, it's just for breeze. Maybe for breeze could sponsor that cemetery. Well, I think that, I mean, I think it's very doable. I think that just under the pullout couch is where, it's just a pullout couch is just the new tombstone. It's just they have the whole gunner. Yeah, I mean, that's been well documented. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. So you're in Murder She Wrote. I would have gone with an amazing 1984 TV movie called Lace that starred Phoebe Cates. And it's a two part 1984 TV movie about three girls at a Swiss school who vowed to conceal the identity of the one bearing an illegitimate daughter who surfaces years later to harrow them in their celebrity. You've seen that? Yeah. Yeah, I've seen that. I own it. I own it on DVD. That's amazing. I love the TV movies. It's great. So would you, would you go with that eight o'clock? I went with Married With Children. So you love married? I think it would still hold up today, possibly. It definitely doesn't. It doesn't? Not at all. Just to watch it all the time, and now it's just so silly. This is the first season, and this one, Marcy becomes a nervous wreck when a romance-minded owl begins appearing nightly in her dreams. Ah. It's a pretty good one. It's a repeat. I would have gone on the Christian- I think I remember that episode. That's a good one. Yeah. Yeah. I would have gone with the Christian Broadcasting Network. Okay. There was, speaking of what we were just talking of, there was a drama, an after school special they were airing, called Stoned, starring Scott Bea. Oh, that's, how'd I know and what that, that's what the program was, I would watch that. This was a classic. This is Scott Bea, who plays a brainy, but lonely high school student who turns to pot to solve his problems. Writer-director John Hirstfeld plays a concerned teacher. This guy wrote and directed it and stars in it. That's how concerned he was about people doing the pot. Oh, my God. Oh, God, you gotta get your message out there. Yeah, absolutely. So Monday night. I think I still had one more. Oh, yes, that's right, Jennifer. Sorry, I had Letterman. Letterman? Oh, yes, because they were- I mean, there's still much power left. Yeah, this was a special at nine o'clock for some reason, and this was for November 1986. Oh, this was the second annual holiday film festival, which they're re-airing in August for some reason. And this is Comedy Shorts that were made and introduced by Michael J. Fox, Diane Sore, Jonathan Winters, Chris Elliott, and Letterman himself. He would do this every year where people would make short films, and he had all kinds of people doing the Captain O'Hara, Andrea Martin, Michael Keaton, and it was great. I loved those. I always look forward to those every year. They were so strong. I don't remember those. I was- there was like about four years in my life where I saw every single David Letterman that there was. I really record it and everything. But yeah, that must have not been during that time. So it was- Conan was the first late-night show you were on. Yeah. And I remember when you got that, you were the first one of our sort of class that got a late-night show. And I assume you watched Conan growing up, but that was like our- Yeah, no, I didn't watch until I was- what happened was I had a third shift factory job for four years in Wisconsin. It's just like a Bruce Springsteen song. And I had a third year third shift factory job. I have the first Springsteen song. Four years in Wisconsin, yeah. And so I worked third shifts so I couldn't watch any of my late-night stuff anymore. And they used to re-air Conan on Comedy Central at like noon. And so it was the one late-night show that I could watch. I had never seen the show before. I got that, I wasn't a fan. I was like, this guy looks weird. Don't mind if I'm like a very judgmental person back then. Now you think that even more? I think that way more. And it quickly became by far my favorite late-night show. So when you went down there, everyone- there was like a big caravan of people that went down there with you from Boston. And was that the first time you were on a TV set? Yeah, well that was my first TV set. What was that like? It was, well getting it was the strangest because I was on the Fung Wai bus from Boston to New York, which everyone, I wish everyone knew what the Fung Wai bus was. Speaking of past experiences that you can't have anymore. To Chinatown, yeah, it was shut down by the federal government. Yeah. Rightfully so. Finally. There were literally chickens on the bus. Yeah, always. I forgot about all the chickens. Yeah, there was a ton of chickens on the bus. And I was driving and I knew I'd won this award and this comedy festival. And I got a new agent who called me and was like, "Yeah, the Conan people want you to call them. They want you on the show." And I called, and he was like, "You know, think about what your five minutes would be." And I called and they're like, "How would you like to be on next week?" And I was like, "Yeah, that's great." And they're like, "Can you email us your material?" I'm like, "I don't have my computer with me right now, 'cause I do it like tomorrow or something." Yeah. And they're like, "Can you just tell us over the phone?" Over the phone. And so I just got into Chinatown, the bus, and I got off the bus and then I just did my five minute Conan stuff. On the phone in South Station. Yeah, yeah. Which wouldn't look that unusual. Some guy just talked to himself doing a five minute Conan inside in the middle of the bus station, seems weirdly appropriate. Yeah. And to two people that were on speakerphone. Nice. And I had to be like, "Now at this point, audiences get very uncomfortable, and then they save it with this line." And then they're like, "Okay, that sounds good." Just... It just sounds so easy when you tell it that way. Yeah, yeah, it was so weird. It's never been that many episodes. I'm still yet to have been on television. You'll get there soon. One day you'll be in the streets in New York. Do you think I should get a phone? That might be it. I don't have a phone. Yeah, yeah. That helps a lot. Comedy 101. Also take buses. Get a phone. Take a bus. That's it. Yeah. That's all you have to do. Just wait. So you went with Letterman that night. Monday night, the saddest night of the week. I had to go with health. Elf. Everybody loved that. Why was Monday the saddest night of the week? Well, because you've gone back to school after the weekend. You've gone back to work after the weekend. You need something that's going to take you away. Good school. Yeah, everybody hates school. And in Elf, this is Elf's new pastime, spying on the ochmanic family with binoculars. Drives him in the family crazy after when he thinks he sees Trevor kill Raquel with an ice pick. So this was an Elf retelling of a rear window. Oh, that sounds amazing. Yeah, I think they should just remake all the Hitchcock movies with Elf. I am. It's so hard for me to even remember at these shows now. I'm like. But Elf was a phenomenon. Yeah, I mean, does that hold up? Have you seen it? No, it's terrible. It's terrible. You're breaking my heart. I know. Elf really is not a good show. I remember loving it. Yeah, everybody did. I mean, I added the sleeping bag. I mean, I think even later on, and I think I saw it when I was like 16 or something, I saw some old reruns and still enjoyed it. But I guess that's just still done. Slightly different level, but it is done. I mean, there are sitcoms that hold up. And I went with one that absolutely holds up, which is Kate and Allie. It was on at the same time. And in this one, Emma is accepted into UCLA and asked to decide whether to stay with Kate and attend to New York School or live with their father in California. Meanwhile, Kate has to deal with the possibility of Emma being 3000 miles away. Much heavier than spying on the ochmanics. I want to hear a TV show description. That's just like in this episode, everything goes off without a hitch. Yeah. Yeah, everything is fine. It's just just your kind of average day. Yeah, yeah, nothing big. 730 would happen. What'd you go with? New Heart. New Heart is one of my favorite shows of all time. It's a great, great show. That must hold up. It absolutely holds up. New Heart, absolutely holds up. I would always go with New Heart. Yeah, I love New Heart. And this one, everyone but Michael, Peter Scolari has Memorial Day plans leaving him beside himself with loneliness. You know what depresses me about? Do you ever listen to New Heart CD? Yeah. It's how long his setups were. Yeah. And how patient the audience is. Oh, yeah. It was great. There was always a fantastic payoff. But his setups were like three to five minutes long. Yeah. Of like, not a single funny thing, really. But make the payoff so much better. And being a roadcomic who performs in all these comedy clubs all over the place. People want 30 seconds or less. If it takes you more than 30 seconds to set up something, it's just over with. Well, Shane, I know I'm not an agent or a manager, but I think I have a solution for you. Now, Bob Newhart was famous for doing his act while talking on the phone. Yeah. And as we've stated already. I'm pretty good at that. I don't know why you don't just do that on stage. Just phone it in. Just get it, either put a phone on a stool and phone it in from the green room or just stand on stage with a phone. I think why not just have comedy clubs set up just to everyone gathers and then skifes or anything. You can just do it from home and do like a simulcast. I think we just discovered our new business. Oh yeah. We've made so much money with this podcast. And I don't have to leave the house. Just shooting out all these ideas. We're not even going to have to rent boats after these ideas. They'll give us money to take their boats because they'll sell more boats. If they go, Shane and Ken have that boat, I won't give me five of those boats. I won't one for every day of the week. I won five boats. Maybe we could get into the boat business. I don't know if that's a good business. There's never really been a sitcom about guys running a boat business. You had a Riptide, but they weren't really running a boat business. And Shane and Ken is a terrible name for a TV. It really is. Moss and Reed. Moss and Reed sounds like a basketball player. Yeah, a little bit. Center Moss and Reed, first round draft pick. On this episode, they're trying to plug. It's just every episode. It's just us trying to plug a leak in a boat. Yeah. We don't really understand boats. I don't understand. I don't know why this is still sinking. And you're like, maybe we should take it out of the water and be like, it's a boat. It doesn't need to be in the water to breathe like a fish. If we put it on the shore, we want to die. And then you're like, boats aren't alive. And then I'm like, you're wrong. Yeah, just two idiots trying to explain boats to one another. I like it. I think I got one more. Yep. And I was going to watch wrestling. Yeah, a lot of people go with Monday night WWF wrestling. I have always hated wrestling my entire life. Even when you were a kid. I've always thought it was idiotic. I went when I was for my fifth birthday. I pretended to enjoy wrestling for my best friend. We had the same birthday. Oh, and he wanted him to go to rent. He wanted to go. He wanted to go. And his mom was buying us wrestling tickets. And like, he was so excited. And this was such a big deal. So I was like, yeah. All right. I'm into this. So you went to the Wisconsin dome? What was the arena? The La Crosse Center. Okay. It's a pretty big place. And we used to have like an amateur basketball team that was like wildly popular there. So there's no whatever the professional. Is there a professional basketball team from Wisconsin? Yeah, there's the Milwaukee box. And this is the other side of the state. This is the La Crosse catbirds. Wow. Yeah, they were catbirds. And I remember this was when Hulk Hogan slammed Andre the Giant. Yeah, we were doing a tour of that. Oh, yeah. And then after that, so it's this big moment. And then there's like a press conference afterwards. Right. With Hulk Hogan talking about it. And then Andre the Giant sneaks up behind him and like breaks his back or something like that. And Hulk Hogan has to be taken off on a stretcher. And I remember this is my fifth birthday. That's a hell of a birthday. And I remember I was five or was I maybe I was. You just turned five. Maybe I was like eight or something like that. Was it like 85, 86? Yeah, yeah. So it was right around then. And I remember there was two grown men in front of me that were like 25, 30 years old. Yeah. Just falling. Oh, yeah. Just absolutely. I can't believe it. Hulk Hogan. Hulk Hogan. I'm gonna see Danny's probably dead. Andre the Giant is such a bad person. And I was like, oh my. That's when you were like. I was smarter. Did you just go hug them? Oh, yeah. It's all right, buddy. It's all right. I would be just laughed at that. Wow. So even at five, you were you had the cynical vision of a clear-minded committee. Yeah, yeah. That's pretty good. I would have gone with designing women, which was a lot like WWF wrestling. What was designing women again? So this was a wildly popular show. It was and it was great. It was actually very well done. It took place in Georgia. And it was about these five women that ran a design business called Sugar Baker Industries. When it was two sisters and then their friends that ran this business. Delta Burke is very funny on it. She played Suzanne. This was in his eyes. Suzanne aims to get even with her ex when he writes a racy autobiography detailing his many sword affairs during their brief marriage. It was a funny show. It was Linda Bloodworth Thompson. And it was really, really well done and funny. I still watch it. It still holds up. CBS Monday nights rock solid in the 80s. Awesome. Tuesday, seven o'clock. What are you going with? I'm going with Who's the Boss. And I can't remember if I really liked that show or if I would just watch it because nothing else was on. I think it's a latter. Other people seem to like it. Because I seem to have a memory of being like, I don't really get what the big deal is. But I'll watch it. It's not a great show. I watch it every week despite never liking it. Yeah. And it was just on. And this one from last season, personal counselor Mona advises a distraught shoe factory employee to follow his dreams. So he takes out for Hollywood and leaves behind his wife an infant son. Which is what you did to move on. When he works at that shoe factory, third chef. I like that Tony Dansa has just sucked for so long. Yeah, it's almost impressive. And it's like, failed upwards. Have you ever seen his song and dance routines? Like when he used to have that talk show? Remember that? Oh, wait a second. I think I do sort of remember some foggy memory of that. He considers himself a song and dance man. Oh my god, like Alan Thicke. Yeah, but he couldn't write like Alan Thicke. I think we should have like those two get together and think about their one society. Or it's like, it's like a show like The Voice. And they're the coaches. So it's like the Alan Thicke team versus the Tony Dansa team. And they got to like train these kids to write. How many societies are there? One society. Animals are just like me and you. I think his son should cover that. Robin Thicke did a version of Animal Crackups theme song and made it all sexy. He's some pretty good residuals in that frown. Oh, that's his son. Oh, yeah, it is. I didn't even know that. Yeah, yeah, that is Alan Thicke's son. Oh, wow, that is embarrassing. Speaking of which, 730 growing pains. I would have gone with that absolutely. That's what I went with as well. I don't remember if it was a good show. It's a great show. I remember watching it a lot. I know that it's a weirdo now. Yeah, he is a little weirdo. He's a little Midwestern though. He's very good. That's a little safer. But this is the one, my favorite. What we need to do is demographic very well. We did. Absolutely, we did. Everyone that still cares about growing pains is in the Midwest. Well, I still care about growing pains too. Well, but yeah. I'm an exception. A lot of people have moved on. Yeah, that's true. And Midwest always calls me and asks if I want to move there yet. And I'm like, not today. But in this one, Maggie wants Jason to fire the elderly handyman he hired to fix the furnace, but he refuses because the man is an old friend and deserves a chance. This one made me really sad. I remember watching this and feeling really sad for old people. This is basically like someday he'll be irrelevant. Yeah, yeah. But stay at home dad might take pity on you. That's just true. That's just true. So eight o'clock would you go growing? I don't know why, but I'm a very king live. Just to like, I just wanted to like see what the difference was and it's just such a weird time capsule. I just kind of like the parallel of like, because that's a show that still exists. That still exists. Until recently or whatever. You can see how it actually changed. Yeah. Yeah, it doesn't say who the guest was, but I would watch this every now and then. I mean, but I'm going with moonlighting, which is a show that I absolutely love. I almost picked moonlighting. Such a good show. Who is in that again? Civil Shepard and Bruce Willis. Yeah, it was one of the best shows in the 80s. It holds up very well. It's way ahead of its time. And this was, was that Bruce Willis's first break? Yes. Yeah. And then he just jumped right into action movies. That's bold. Yeah. Oh, yeah. From a really bold economy. Comedy drama to that was a big deal. I do want to mention there was a show on called Computer Animation Magic that we both passed up. Oh, wow. And this was the in-depth exploration of computer graphics focuses on the uses of animation in commercials, space research and medicine. You can see that's another great time capsule. Yeah, I would have watched that. And how terrible that would have been. So Wednesday night, eight o'clock. What'd you go with? I mean, seven rather. Central times really screwing me up. Please do not break my heart right now. I am with perfect strangers. Not a great show, but holds up in a silly way. It's a very physical comedy show. And this is. Kelky Bertacomo. Yes. Yes. It's fun. It's not a good show. Well, it is not a good show, but it is a fun show. And it's still enjoyable to watch. And this one on the eve of a once-in-a-lifetime date with the woman of his dreams, Larry is willing to try anything to cure his cold, including one of Balki's Moposian remedies. Ah, that's a great spot. Yeah, yeah. That's a fantastic plot. We could adopt that plot for our boat business. Oh my god, didn't he, um, didn't Balki like go on to like, have one role ever again? And that was like a bad guy and some. He's in a ton of stuff. He's in the lead the weapon movies. He's in a ton of Beverly Hills cop. Yeah, he's in a ton of stuff. He's always a bad guy. Not always. No, they do have him play a foreigner often, but he's got a show on the DIY network now, where he bought this whole town in Pennsylvania and basically refurbishes the town. What? Yeah, he does house flipping stuff now. That's what he does. Oh. He's got that perfect strangers money. I normally would have watched that. Perfect neighbor. Perfect neighbor. That's what it should have been called. It's not. I think it's called that I think it's called the Bronson Pincho project, which is not perfect neighbor. I would have gone with a show, a two hour thing all night, which was supermodel of the world. Dick Clark and Jerry. Why are you picking that? Because I love supermodel. I'm obsessed with models. Oh, really? Especially when I was a kid. Yeah, not even for like sexual reasons. I was just like, yeah, models. Awesome. So this one, Dick Clark. I would have never. Never would have guessed that. Yeah, it's a weird thing I was into. Like, I knew there are stats, like people knew sports stats. I think like what covers they did, like what agencies they were with. I remember I would like humor my mom by watching like the Miss America thing. Yeah, I'd watch that. I think like I was, I think I had to close my eyes during the swimsuit. Really? She made you or you felt uncomfortable and didn't you know? No, no, I think she made me. Wow. There was a lot of like weird stuff like that when I was a kid. Yeah. I was always like having to close my eyes. Do you think that made you more intrigued by that sort of thing? Oh, yeah. Yeah, way more. I had a total opposite effect. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And that's why you often wear swimsuits. Like just a one piece walking around and you tape your eyes open like in clockwork orange. I, Jane often goes down to the beach and just stares. Yeah, why is that guy wearing a one piece? Staring at all these women with tape on his eyes. And yelling, how about this mom? That's a TV show. Yeah, that's a plot. That's the cure for your cold. That's my cure. So in this one, Jerry Hall and Dick Clark co-host this competition in which women from 26 different countries vie for a $250,000 modeling contract with performances by Smokey Robinson. I like that they're never like, there's never been a show like, let's go around the world and find like a real good dude. Yeah, the hottest dude in the post. Like not even just like, or because most desirable would also have to do with for ladies. Yeah, oh absolutely. Like all sorts of different characteristics. Who's just the most solid guy around here? Everybody likes them. He's just to help anyone out. You want to have a beer with them? Yeah. You want them to run your company? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now that's people who want to watch that. People who want to watch that. So it's 7.30, what are you going with? My giver. You love my giver. Loved it, loved it, loved it. Have you seen it since? [SINGING] I think I would still, I'm convinced I would still enjoy it today. It's awful, but in the most enjoyable way. I think I would enjoy it for all the right reasons. You should watch it. I think I would enjoy the science. Oh yeah, you would enjoy the science. Yeah, which I don't think is solid science. I think that is the most pseudoscient show. Like, you know how Mythbusters has kind of like ran out of ideas after a couple seasons? Yes. Now it's basically just like, let's mock my giver. Right. Over and over and over. Well, that's what you do. I think most shows, if they go on long enough, end up eventually just mocking my giver. That's what you have left. That's the world we live in. And in this one-- That's Larry King had to be canceled because they're like, we're just going to have to mock my giver. Larry King was like, I won't do it. I won't do Richard Dean and Anderson's a friend. That's, I draw the line. That's not a bad Larry. That's not a bad letter. I think it's the microphone. That's what's giving me. That's what's fueling me with the Larry King. A lot of people forget how good of an impressionist I am, Shane. It doesn't come out long enough. That was not bad. I'm terrible at impressions. Once I get a phone and I get on the bus, I'm going to get on TV doing impressions. So this one, my giver, is trapped inside an abandoned factory with a pregnant woman. How does he always trapped? I don't remember why he was always trapped. People were trying to trap on me, so yeah. With a pregnant woman who is being chased by her husband, because she has evidence that could send him back to prison. Wow. We all have been in that situation. I don't know why I just thought of this, but now I have to share it. I don't know why I'm sharing this. This is so stupid. Well, I draw this out of people, Shane. They get very good. Well, whenever I think of a pregnant woman in danger, I have this horrific, horrific vision, memory that comes back to me. I have pushed carts at a grocery store, festival foods in Onalaska, Wisconsin. How many jobs have you had? Lots and lots and lots and lots of jobs. I would just quit a lot and I got laid off sometimes, and I'm a terrible employee. But I ran cart-- I also started working when I was 12. Yeah, I did too. Yeah, you have to work. Yeah. And I was pushing carts one day, and I was watching, and there's this pregnant woman pushing her cart across just the walk in between the grocery store, and the parking lot, just exactly where you're supposed to walk. Yeah, yeah. Everything, right? She wasn't wrong. And this minivan just wasn't paying attention or something, peeled around. And what happened was it hit her cart. Like, everything should have been fine. Right. But this woman's stupid fucking reflexes were so bad that her first instinct was to hold on to the cart. What? As the cart like went flying, and so she just went flying with the cart and like spun around in the air. Like her feet were above her head. And you saw this. She did like this 360, and then she just belly flopped, slammed down onto her huge pregnant belly, and it was the most terrifying thing. And then, and then the minivan owner jumped out. Because it's Midwest. And because it's the Midwest, and people stop when they hit pregnant women there, it's the weirdest thing. And it was my vice principal. Really? And I was like, "Yeah, fuck that guy! You just murdered a baby!" Which doesn't go down well in the Midwest. No, and I was like, "I hope he goes to jail. Fuck him." You just started chanting "choose life." And for some reason, the guy ever just made me think about that horror. You're not a lot of people ever counted that exact story to me when whatever comes up. Did you ever find out if she lost a baby, or if she was a baby? Um, I remember her being like, seeming okay. Okay. And then him being like, "Are you okay?" And her going, "I hope so." And then it's like yeah. I just, that made me think of a new TV show that we can pitch. By day, they're vice principals. By night, they're undercover pimps. And we call it vice principals. And we call it vice principal. Yeah. It's like, you know, the vice. It's like a different kind of vice. Oh, that's fun. Yeah. Enjoy that. Um, and all just pregnant women. Yeah. And, you know, it's a lot of smacking pregnant women. Yeah, well, I mean that's... Picking out pregnant women. It's what America wants. Why they got pregnant in the first place. What American wants carts. They need it. That pregnant women with the carts you've described sounds like that show wipe out. That sounds like a summer replacement series. Just pregnant women with carts and guys in little cars, just hitting them so they can get through. The world's wackiest pregnant woman accidents? Yeah, yeah, exactly. Well, that's, I'm sure that's a video you can buy. So Thursday. Oh, I have one more. Oh, you got one more. What do you got? I have one more. It's um, you know, I'm a little worried you're going to judge me. Oh, that's all right. You know how much I've judged you in the 10 years of "Doney Chug"? I know, a lot. Yeah, yeah. Why am I worried about now? Mr. Ed? Mr. Ed, Nicket Knight. Yeah. It's a fun, weird, stupid show. I wouldn't judge it, Mr. Ed. It should have never been made. No, no. And "Alph" was really like a rip off of Mr. Ed that I have a weird magical thing in my house. We have to keep secret. That was huge. In the '50s and in the '80s, it was parallels where you had I dream of a genie and for which, Mr. Ed. Kind of like the weird period of time and music where everyone was singing about space. Yes, the '70s. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, absolutely. And so I don't know if it was about sort of the political climate or society where everybody felt like they had some sort of magical thing in their house that they didn't want people to know about. And it was sort of, I'm sure someone could write a great... Because that's when people used to like used to talk to their plants and stuff. That was a big thing. Yeah, it would help them grow. Yeah, like people that like seriously talk about plants. And then you'd talk about how you would talk to your plants. Yeah, absolutely. That was so weird. But then again, there are people who have them. They don't advise that so much anymore. Well, there are people who have like turtles as pets and that's basically like talking to a plant. Yeah, but it's easier to anthropomorphize an animal. Well, we live in one society, Shane. Oh, we do. We're buddies. All buddies. There's no show. We sing the song. There's one more time. ♪ Animals are just like people too ♪ They're not just like people. ♪ They love the families they're just like me and you ♪ It's a genetic thing, but... ♪ And it's been this way ever since the world began ♪ Well, I'll start off with like bacteria and stuff, but okay. ♪ They're the best of friends and they live in one society ♪ Dye and rhyme at all. ♪ That was made for me and animals ♪ You know, there was no... They just kept going? Yeah, yeah. There was no plant crackups. Just plant trivia and... It's just like, look at this leaf. Wamp, wamp, and then it falls off. Yeah. Or just all Venus fly traps. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Great. Thursday night, 7 o'clock. Shane Moss, your pick. I'm going with the Cosby show. Everyone goes with Cosby show. It's a solid show. You can't go wrong with Cosby show. This one, Cliff, finds himself in the middle of a baby boom when he's called to the hospital by one woman ready to deliver and ends up caring for three. A lot of pregnancies going on this podcast. Yeah. That's a pretty fun episode. I, this was a short time when Sledgehammer, which was one of my favorite shows, was up against Cosby. I've never heard of Sledgehammer. Sledgehammer was a parody of sort of the dirty Harry movies. It was very silly. It was Alan Spencer who created the show. It was very weird. This one was Hammer's search for a burglar, leads to a man with a blow dryer. And a new hairdo for Hammer. That's great. There's a guy in this episode. I kind of want to watch this show. You should watch, you'd love Sledgehammer. I bet you would love it. Love it. It was two seasons. And there's a character in this episode called Sir Guy. And the best part about Sledgehammer was they thought it was going to get canceled after the first season. So in the final episode, an A-bomb goes off in LA and kills everybody. And then, so Sledge is trying to disarm this thing and fucks up and it blows up. So it got renewed and they didn't know what to do. So in the first episode of the second season, they changed the name of Sledgehammer the early years. And it all takes place before they all die. Oh, that's hilarious. It's very funny. It's a great show. I'm thinking of, maybe you can help me out with this because I always wanted to find this and I don't remember. I used to watch this weird parody of a talk show called Night. Yes, with Tim Stack. Yeah, it was called it was called. It was like produced by Howard. Yeah, by Howard Stern. So Tim Stack was in it. He wrote and directed it. He played a character on that. It was called I want to say it was called Night Shift. But if you look up Tim. It was so good. Yeah, it was great. He was in the show, Son of the Beach. And he played Parker Lewis. Before Son of the Beach. He played Parker Lewis's father on Parker Lewis. Can't lose. Yeah, his name's Tim Stack. He was a writer and actor. And he was in a ton of sitcoms. But yeah, he wrote and starred in that show. Yeah, it was called Night Beat with Rick. Something was his name. Yeah. If you look up Tim Stack on IMDB. Look for a thing called Night. He was the one in it. But that was a great show. You could be able to help me out there. That's what I'm hearing. Because it was like I would always tell everyone about it. Like no one ever saw it. Yeah, it was a great show. It was amazing. It was the mid 90s when we had that huge boom of talk shows and Gordon Elliot and Tempest Bledsoe and Jenny Jones. I mean, there was a million talk shows. And so that's what Richard Bay. And so that's what it was a parody of. And it was very, very accurate. Lots of great puns. Yes. Yes, yeah. That was the kind of writing he did. The Son of the Beach was similar too. It was his sort of sense of humor. Yeah. You should Tim Stack is the guy's name. Narcine Son of the Beach. Son of the Beach is okay. It's basically the same thing but for Baywatch. 7.30 would you go with? Oh, Night Court. I love Night Court. It's great. I, again, I mean, I have a really bad memory for these shows. I just remember thinking that, what is it, Bull? Yeah, Bull. I just remember loving that. So you like the dumb guy and sitcoms? Well, I was very young at this time. Yeah. Like it was this again? This was '87. Yeah, '77. Yeah, '77. Yeah. So, and it was like, it was like my dad could watch it because I'm sure there was like great adult humor. Oh, yeah. And then I can be like, here's this dumb guy. It worked on many levels. And there's not a lot of shows that do that in a more simplistic family way now. Yeah. But yeah, I love Night Court. But I guess I do like the dumps. Like UHF is one of my favorite movies all the time. He's like Stanley Spudowski. Yeah. Oh, dude, you've got to watch Sledgehammer. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I should. I mean, it sounds like you're just. It's right up your alley. It was just like, oh, that's perfect. Yeah. I think I found Peewee's big top holds up for me. Even Big Top Peewee. Yeah. A sequel to Big Adventure. Oh. Oh, is that? Oh, no, no, no. Peewee's Playhouse. Oh, Big Adventure is what I'm talking about. Yeah, Big Adventure is the one from '85 that's in Burton Directed. And that holds up. That's an excellent movie. I mean, that movie's amazing. Yeah. It's so funny and weird and crazy. Yeah. And Peewee's Playhouse, the TV show, is great as well. Big Top Peewee has its moments, but is not nearly as good as those two things. But yeah, oh, it absolutely holds up. I mean, that stuff's great. UHF, I would watch once a month. It's a great movie. I still watch that movie frequently. I mean, I'm a huge weird outfit, too. But that movie is great. I saw that in the theater. Oh, really? Oh, yeah. I'm so lucky. Opening day, I saw that movie. That's how excited I was about UHF. I should see if it's like ever in a theater around here. It is around here. And weird algos, sometimes they do screenings and they'll show it and do like a create date. Yeah. See, you're missing out on all these things. Oh, my God. Yeah, if I lived out here, I'd be at those things every night. You'd help me out. Every night? That'd be amazing. Final night of the week, Shane. I think I have two more. Oh, okay. We just had cheers. Yeah, everybody likes cheers. And then, and I remember when I moved to Boston, I was so excited. Because of cheers? Yeah. How accurate did you think cheers was when you got to Boston? Oh, I guess pretty right. No. Not even close to, it's like, townies in Boston, I were like angry. Oh, yeah. They're not fun lovers. Yeah, so they are. Who the fuck are you? Where are you fucking from? From here? That should be remake cheers. Yeah, with real estate cheers. That's a fantastic show. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's honestly, like, that could be done well. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. Because if someone walked into that bar, that they didn't know-- Just Tom Dustin? Yeah, be like, uh, you're not welcome here. Tom Dustin is so amazing. Have you had him on the show? Tom Dustin's done one, yeah. Tom's told some great stories on this. He's like this horrible person, really, that's like, lovable. Oh, yeah. That's Boston. You just described Boston. It's really weird. Yeah. We could do a sitcom where Tom owns a bar. Friday night. Um, and I picked Wild America. I like animal things. You do love animal stuff. Um, you know, you know why? Again, it's a time capsule thing. So, um, animal things from back then were like, animal thick or animal thick. Yeah, it's kind of animal thick. Uh, where Alan thick asks of like-- As animals. Everyone gets together with one society. Yeah. And so it would be like, uh, like the, the narrative would be like, so there'd be elks, um, uh, or like, crossing, um, this, uh, this river on the way. And there's like alligators in this river. And the narrative back then would be like, the old wise elk would go out and sacrifice himself. Right. So the other alligators so that others could go across. Right. But now, like if you watch not, like the reality is, is that what happens is they just pick the oldest we have. And they physically push him into water. It's not noble at all. It's murder. It's just murder this old guy. To save their own asses and go across. And that's why I would pick wild America just because-- Because you like the, the, the innocence of it. Uh, I just like, it cracks me up like what they used to think. How wrong they are? Yeah, yeah. How wrong they are about it. That's fantastic. Um, and last night, Friday night. Friday night, seven. I picked just two weird ones. And this is, um, I have to say, this is my least favorite night, which I guess is understandable because it's on Friday night and like go out and do something. Yeah, but not when you're seven. No, not when you're seven. Um, but um, I, I don't even know if I liked this show. I don't really remember anything about it, but I picked Miami Vice. Miami Vice is great. I just wanted to show. Yeah, I mean-- It's a fun, weird, crazy show. And, uh, I think that's a great choice. Miami Vice is fantastic. One hour. Yeah. Uh, I always watch Miami Vice. I have the whole series. It's great. It's a very '80s time capsule, but it's a great series. Uh, it, it holds up very well. I mean, it's very '80s, but it holds up. And then my last hour of television, um, just because I saw this and was like, wow, this is such a weird blast from the past is-- Can you, can you guess? Max Hedrem? Yeah. Yeah, Max Hedrem's great. Is that? So Max Hedrem was based on a British TV movie. And it takes place in a futuristic society that's dystopian where media networks run the whole world. And it's very critical of corporations and the media. I can't believe they got it on the air. Really? It's very, very subversive. And this show Carter maxed for a racist against time to save a woman who was Shanghai and sold to a body bank for experimentation. Meanwhile, network-- Wait, Shanghai'd? That's a verb? Shanghai'd is a verb. Not even in quotes. Uh, and, uh, meanwhile, Network 23, largest sponsor wants Max as a spokesman. And also-- I mean, the show is just so good. It was such a good show. Oh, man. I-- I kind of want to see that. That holds up. That holds up. It's a very 80s-- I thought it was like a-- just a commercial guy. No, no. So he started in this movie in Britain on Channel 4. They made this TV movie. And then he had a talk show as this character. And then Coke bought him as a-- as a spokesperson. But while he was a spokesperson for Coke, he was doing this anti-corporation show, which was really, really weird. Uh, it was a very weird time that you were able to-- I don't think people were as sad, like, network-- uh, not networks. Well, yeah, networks or advertising executives weren't quite as savvy of knowing when they were being, sort of, uh, on your mind, which was pretty cool. And I mean, I remember at the time feeling like they were getting away with something. Like, I was aware of it, which, uh, is odd, because I'm not aware of much. I think out of everything, if I was going to watch something. And I like that, um, I like that when you were explaining the concept of the show to me. You're like, um, so pick two hours each night and just pretend that you had a magic television. It is just-- that's just the internet. Yes, you do actually have that. Just the internet. Actually have that. I like to imagine that that's how you refer to the internet. Can you put the magic television on? I want to watch Max Headroom. You go into Starbucks and like, do you guys have access to the magic television? Do you have magic, uh, television power here? I know that, like, you need to sign on to the magic television network. And do you have that here? So I think, um, I think the two things that I'd be most interested in actually watching. Yeah. But if we were, like, going to sit down and watch, like, two hours of something right now, which we might, it would probably be Max Headroom and, um, that show that you told me about. Sledgehammer? Sledgehammer, yeah. And maybe animal crackups. And, well, I think I'd maybe do wild Americans. Sledgehammer is just like people, too. Yeah, well, I can-- we can make that happen. Finally, Shane, as you know, TV Guide is not just informative. It's opinionated. And it has cheers. And it has jeers every week. And I would like to read you-- What? Oh, yes. It cheers and jeers. And I would like to-- What are you talking about? Every week. Every week. It cheers and jeers. What's the premise? So, a cheer would be like, "Yay, cheers to Sledgehammer." Oh. And cheers would be like, "Boom." Yeah. That's so stupid. So, I would like to read you this week's cheers and jeers. And see if you would-- They were a lot more clever back then. They thought of cheers and jeers. Today, they can't even think of perfect neighbors. No, no. And they're probably, if it was-- If they had it now on, like, a TMZ type show, it'd be like, "Fuck yous and fuck mes." They would just be like, "I got a thing." So, we started with a cheer. To CBS for giving West 57th a new lease on life, the news magazines in Prove Ratings this summer have earned it a slot and CBS's fall lineup. In difference. Yeah, don't care. Cheers to network coverage of the Iran Contra hearings. You should cover that. We didn't have time for our news cycle. Bravo. Yeah. For them. I mean, it was a lot harder to do back then. Oh, absolutely. We didn't have CNN as much-- Or camera phones. Or camera phones. But we did have government corruption. Yeah. Cheers to CBS Sports coverage of the Marathon Tour de France Bike Race. Wildly popular in Europe, bicycle tour racing is still a pretty exotic sport. Who would watch that? They-- Wait, how much of that do you-- Do you watch-- How long is it? It's days. It's days. If so, if you're into this, you just like, you take time off work. You go watch guys bike for a month. Wow. Yeah. That's such a dumb thing to do. It's France. I mean, it's so silly. Well, I mean, every sports silly, like, objectively, like, that's why everyone's like-- Can you believe these idiots over here with their basketball sports? It's like, no, they're just all silly. But you go rock climbing. It's like people watching people rock climbing. Yeah, but I know exactly. It's one thing. I'm all for bike riding and actually doing things. Yeah. But not, like, competitive rock climbing. That's not that silly. So finally, cheers to the daytime Emmys. The winners deserve our congratulations and we're glad to offer them, but the voters deserve to be taken to task for a glaring oversight. Denying Susan Lucci, the outstanding lead actress Emmys for a record eighth time. Fuck you, voters. That's right. She won eventually, but at this time, bull shit. Fuckers and fuck me. Fuckers? Fuck me. Well, Shane Moss. Thank you so much. And that was Shane Moss. Very funny. If you like Shane Moss, you want more of Shane Moss instead of just listening to this episode over and over again, which I assume you're going to be doing anyway, you can download his new special mating season. It's on iTunes as an audio special, and it's also on Netflix streaming. So you can watch his lovely mug as he says funny things. So check that out. Mating season on Netflix on iTunes. Anywhere you would purchase those sorts of things enjoy that and join us again next week on Wednesday when I'll have yet another episode that I think you'll like very much. Please email me at kennedykeren.com as always, and let me know what you think of the show. If you have any feedback and please rate and review the show. It really helps. It helps us get the word out. It helps people find out about the show, and I very much appreciate it. So I'll see you again next week for an all new TV guidance. [MUSIC]