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TV Guidance Counselor
TV Guidance Counselor Episode 2: Al Park
Wait. You have a TV? No. I just like to read the TV guide. Read the TV guide. Don't need a TV. Hello and welcome to this week's episode of TV Guidance Counselor. I am Ken Reed as always the TV guidance counselor. And this week on the show my guest is comedian Al Park. So we get into some really interesting things here. I think you'll enjoy this particular podcast. I always say you'll enjoy every week. Well, my intention is that you will. So sit back and listen to my guest this week on TV guidance counselor Al Park. Hello and welcome to TV guidance counselor. I am Ken Reed. I am the TV guidance counselor and this week my guest is Mr. Al Park. Hey Ken Reed. How you doing? I'm doing good. How are you? I'm great. Al's very cold in my house. He's fully jacketed and beheaded. Your house is under 60 degrees. Right? It is. But that's the average heat that I like to keep it in here. Yeah. And you're wearing a t-shirt. I am wearing a t-shirt. And you're right. Your arms. You're very hairy. I'm extremely hairy. I am like Mediterranean level hairy. Well, you're hairy. I should be warmer though because I'm fat. So that should be protecting me more than the hair is. But I think your hair is so. I think hair is more insulated and fat. I feel like it's bad. There might be more to be cold. Yeah. But yeah, I'm fine. I did just turn the heat on though. So you should be all right. Terrific. I turn the heat on my guests come in in the hopes that they'll peel off clothes. Yeah, I have guests open my house like a like a 15 year old boy. That's got to be. Yeah, that's got to be tricked for right out of the crank. The need of sex comedy. If we correct the heat up, they'll take their shirts off. That's the uh, that's the ultimate goal for these people. All right. So Al Park, you picked a TV guide from March 31st to April 6th, 1984. Yes. What drew you to this particular TV guide? It's literally the first one I saw, but also the hot 80s hot lady. Yeah, Terry Copley from We Got It Made. Yeah, with suspenders. Yep. She's uh, she's kind of just she's got very high waisted jeans on. Yep. No bra. No bra. Yeah. And a set of boobs. She was a playboy playmate. Ah, and she became a born again Christian, I believe after uh, struggling with addiction to I and I might be wrong here, but that's a well run road. Yes. Yes. And I may be wrong with what the addiction was, but I'm fairly certain that it's not surprisingly cocaine. I bet it was. Yes. Yes. Wait, before or after she had this TV show. Um, I believe it was during. Uh, we got to maybe was an interesting show because it started on NBC, I believe, and it starred Tom Villard, who was no longer with us. He was a closeted gay man, I believe died of HIV. Uh, was in one crazy summer. You played a Bobcat, go through its twin brother in one crazy summer. Oh, yes. He was also in the movie popcorn and was very good in that movie. Okay. It started him and some other guy, his name, I can't remember, but they were roommates living in New York and they hired a living maid who was Terry Copley. Wow. And uh, you know, wackiness ensued. Yeah. It was very threes company-ish. It then got canceled after the first season and then was brought back two years later and first run syndication. Interesting. Uh, with a slightly different cast and a slightly different premise. On what channel? It was syndicated. It was syndicated. It was syndicated. It was a different channel in every market. First run syndication. Now explain that. Is that like what, um, so first run like my little, what's the show with the grow with the robot? Oh, small one there. Yes. That was the first run syndication. So first, lower production values, stories, not necessarily, but the, I mean, just the, what first run syndication means is normally syndication is rerun. So like the classic syndication is like Brady Bunch, uh, Gilligan's Island, B witch and stuff like that. But, um, in the late seventies, early eighties, they kind of decided, Hey, we could, we could sell shows directly into syndication. Okay. So they're not reruns. They're new shows, but they're syndicated. So we'd sell them in every market. And so small wonder was one of those out of this world was a, was a popular one. Uh, and then there was a wave of shows that were canceled on a network that came back in first run syndication. Okay. Bay watch is one of them. Oh, yeah. Charles in charge. Oh, yeah. You got it made. Um, it's a living was another, it's a living. What was that? It's a living was first, the first season was actually called making a living. And it was about women who were waitresses at the restaurant at the top of the Bonaventure hotel in Los Angeles. Okay. What was the Lake Angelian? Yes. It's a living. Yes. Angelian. And then the later Crystal Bernard was in the syndicated version. She was kind of a star. So not a bad show, not a bad show. So this lady was a Playboy playmate, which is reminds me of a story. Did you see the, you don't watch sports or have anything to do with sports? Absolutely not. Well, there's a 30 for 30 on magic Johnson, I think, or maybe it was like some other sports documentary, but it talked about like magic Johnson and Larry Bird. Yeah. And I've seen this happen before, but he was, he was talking about the Playboy mansion in the early, like when he first came to the Lakers. Yeah. And it's just so funny because he was like, you know, not everybody, he just like, what an experience it was, you know, like, you know, people think it's all about sex, but you know, what happened is you went there and you watched a movie. Yeah. And you listened to some jazz. You fed a giraffe. And then you had, yeah, and then he's like, and he's like, and if something happened with like, like nothing's going to happen with magic Johnson, this is a guy who had like 10 women at a time in the, in like a room. I like the way you said that was like, like nothing's going to happen with magic Johnson McCus. Oh, yeah. But that was kind of the implication there. Yes, that's Terry Copley. I don't know if you picked, we got it made, but we'll see as we go through the week here. So as always, we start with Saturday night, which is the true way to start a week, the TV guideway. Sure. And we got eight PM Saturday night. What was your choice? APM. A little different strokes, well, with different strokes, over dukes of hazard. That was the toughest choice I had all week. That's a tough choice. Although you go with the quantity versus go with the quality versus quantity in that point, because if you go from eight to 10, two, I made eight to nine, two half hour shows, you get two shows, you go with the dukes, you just got the one. Yeah, here's the thing. My memory of this time, by the way, nothing's changed in 30 years, I would have been inside watching TV at eight PM on a Saturday in 1984. Yeah, why not? In April or March 31st of this Saturday, well, probably be a comedy show, but if I wasn't, I'd be home watching different strokes, probably. Yeah. So this, by this time, different strokes was a little bit long in the tooth. It was, it was starting to fade. It only had about another two seasons left. But the night you picked has a, it's a repeat, but it's a pretty good episode, and it's a fairly famous episode. And in this episode, Arnold competes with Mr. T for the attention of a young girl when an episode of the A team is shot at the Drummond's house. Wow. Talk about your bald faced cross- Yeah, but also what a ridiculous premise. Like, there's, they never shot an episode of the A team in a rich guy's apartment in Manhattan. Yeah, that is absolutely, that's terrible. It's pretty bad when you have a TV show about two black orphans owned by a rich white man in Manhattan. Mr. T is the guest star, and I haven't even gotten to the least believable part of the episode. You know what they should have done is they should have like gone into the kitchen at some point during the episode and they look right into the kitchen and it's just a bunch of solid gold dancers. That might have happened. And then they came back in and they're like, "Oh, that didn't happen." Yeah, it would be funny if Mr. Drummond was just like, "Oh, I also own all the solid gold dancers." Yeah, there's still something weird about that too, because Mr. T was kind of like this, I don't think he was cute or anything like that, but that was like the cute black kid kind of thing with Gary Coleman. And so he finds the kind of, you know... Well, Mr. T made a lot of guest appearances on sitcoms at that time. He was also, he did. It was also overspoons. He was an episode of Silver Spoons where Ricky Schroeder was being bullied, and his dad hired Mr. T to protect him. Like every white person in TV was just like, "I need to be at the Mr. T." Yeah, who is the mo-hot black man that I can... This was also, this was sort of the height of Mr. T mania. So this was also the year you had the Mr. T cartoon. Yeah, because when Mr. T... Oh, yeah. Yeah, he was the president of a... Because '83 was Rocky II, right? Or Rocky? Was that when the... I think it would have been '82 was Rocky III. But that's when he got introduced, right? He was known a little bit before that. He started as a bodyguard for rich and famous people, much like Steven Segal did as well. Oh, really? It starts same way. And people put him in things. I've read his autobiography, which is pretty exciting. He legally changed his name to Mr. Middle-Name Period T. That's his legal name change. So that's with Mr. T. I think that was the move to make. You also had an option to go with TJ Hooker, which in frankly is a little boring. I've re-watched it now. I find Shatner. I'm using I like Heather Locklear, but it's kind of a boring movie. A lot of my regular T-show hooker. I still have always favored the half-hour comedy over the procedural... I like some of the procedural stuff, but yeah, especially at that time. I mean, I like Miami. Vice a lot. Moonlighting was an hour long comedy, which was rare, but also combined the best stuff about the procedural. Moonlighting was another one. It's a great show. But yeah, I'm with you on that one. I would have gone with that. We're still a year or two before moonlighting, right? Three years. Moonlighting started in '85. Oh, really? '85, I believe. All right. So we're still a year before that at this point? Okay. Yeah. So at 8.30, really, you only had two choices in this TV guide. Yeah. So a lot of times, I realize, going through this, 8.30 is a tough one, because if you commit to the hour drama, you're good, but a lot of times you do an 8 p.m. show, and then you're you're shut out of luck, because you've got to just park it on that channel and watch whatever they say. Yeah, because 8.30 is always the shitty sitcom that lasted one year on Thursday night or something like that. No, not this time, but usually the 9.30 slot was that. Yeah. So they put a good 10 o'clock one-hour drama that usually did well, and they'd stick something in the 9.30 figure. But 8.9 were stronger. 8.30 to 9.30 were the weaker or the younger shows. Yeah. You need the good lead in. So this was also in '84. The Saturday night lineup was not quite solidified on NBC yet. NBC had later kind of gone in where they from '85 to about '88, which is when they got Facts of Life, 227. Oh, 227. Golden Girls and Amen was sort of their two-hour Saturday night powerhouse, and they hadn't quite got there yet. Here's the thing about NBC. You just look, even just looking back in this TV guide, like NBC gives me this warm feeling of having all these great shows. Like they were nice. Yeah. Like it was just like you was like a place to be. Like the even the colors of it. Let's all be there. Yeah, like it was like a comfortable blanket of like, and you knew what you were going to get. And it was like, well, at this time, NBC was dead last. So they were until about '85. '84, '85 were dead last, which is why they hired Brendan Tartikoff, who was the youngest head of a network at that time. And he just threw anything at the wall to see what's stuck, which is why you got a man-able and misfits-of-science. Oh, yeah. And it really wasn't until he got Alfe, Funky Brewster, and really the shows that did it was Cosby was the big one in Miami Vice. But you also had Cheers, which should have been canceled the first two seasons based on the ratings, but because NBC was like, we really don't have anything else going on, they were able to keep it on. And at this time, SNL was at its lowest point. So NBC was really hurting, which was right from about '98 to '85. But just think about that as a place to you think about the stuff that's on there. Silver spoons, different strokes. And like, and there'll be other stuff on there later in this week that we're talking about. And then you think about like the office was on NBC, right? But yeah. So that's a really great show from our deck, you know, from the current decade. But then you're like, I don't associate that with NBC at all. No, I mean, I don't have any kind of warm feeling for what NBC is. I mean, I think part of that is our age. And it's sort of the stuff you see when you're a kid, you're going to have a warmer sort of memory of. But I also think that the networks as we knew them as kids are dramatically different than to what they are now. I mean, CBS was always sort of the older person network, but like, which it kind of still is. But now it's basically just like the CSI network. Yeah. You know, NBC, I mean, ABC, I don't even know what it's so Disney-fied now. It's pretty much just extreme home makeover and dancing shows and, you know, ABC just out a ton of sitcoms. I mean, there's no real family sitcoms now. They sort of in the 90s, they moved to the cable. So, and we're also urbanized and also baby-ified. So they were sort of pushed out a demographic of tweens. And then most of them were on sort of like the ethnic networks and like, IT ran a bunch. You know, you had like sister sister and that's so Raven and that kind of stuff. And, you know, Nickelodeon, Disney Channel, ABC family, like, there was a where sitcoms live now, which is a little strange. We don't have the same format. So at 8.30, you had to go with Silver Spoons because literally your only other option, and this happens to be a main edition TV guide that we're going through, is New Hampshire Crossroads. That was the only thing you could have watched aside from Silver Spoons. This one's a pretty good episode. While attending a toy convention, Dexter gets a new perspective on life after a hotel fire traps him, Edward and Ricky in their room. This is a fairly very special episode of Silver Spoons. Dexter always kind of weirded me out. Which one is Dexter again? He was the black guy. He was from the Caribbean somewhere. You hear me? I just said he was the black. He was the black. He was the black man. He left me off. Yeah. As though I was, as though I, the whole sentence was he, he was the black. Al is an enormous racist. I shouldn't have mentioned that. That's what he's most well known for. He is probably the most racist person in the Boston area. There were a lot of blacks. There wasn't a lot of blacks on there. I'll just pull down a list, everybody. He's going to name them all. He's been keeping. Yeah. He was the, well, he was the black on Silver Spoons. He was the only black character. It's the blackest night on NBC right now. We're so far away from Silver Spoons. And a Dexter. But both are about cometically rich people living in New York. Yes. Yeah. Do with that what you will. Yeah. That's back when no one took offense to wealth. Do people take offense? I think they do. I don't think you can have a show right now that talks about like even entourage nowadays, which entourage is a piece of shit. But like you, I think it's conspicuous wealth is a hard thing to see. I don't know. See, I would say that television sort of in the 90s became purely aspirational for the most part. Maybe it's just a maddens me now. Now I watch things that were like DIY programs and have not heat your apartment for less than a dollar. Right. Right. That's the kind of shit that I. Al, Al lives in a, in a tenement building. Yeah. But we're in a recession. I don't want to see people like taking, you know, well, there's no blue collar sitcoms anymore. I guess. Roseanne was really the last successful blue collar sitcom and even shows that are about Sullivan and son. Come on. Yeah. I mean, shows that are supposed to be blue collar sitcoms are about poor people like say two broke girls are comedically not about actual poor people. Or even married with children, which is I always, and I've said before on this podcast to me, is always like a, like a poverty minstrel show. Like it was, it was just like, it was not respectful of people who were struggling, like blue collar people. It was just sort of a, let's laugh at them kind of thing. But like you have something like Roseanne that has real sort of struggles that definitely people at least, you know, like how I grew up would remember. And their parents are like, we can't pay our mortgage this month and that kind of stuff. That doesn't come up anymore. It's very aspirational. Because I think the networks really decided that people wanted to see aspirational stuff and it's easier to sell things to those people. Yeah. It's true. So we have comedically rich people in these shows, but it's not. So at nine o'clock, this was tough. This was a tough one. I'm curious to see what you went with. Yeah. I'm curious to see what you went with here. Loveboat. You went with the loveboat? Yeah, which is weird because I had over Momma's family. Well, Momma's family is by far the worst sitcom of all time. I loved it. I loved Momma's family. I haven't seen it recently. Alpark, you should rewatch it. But Momma's family was great. It was definitely like a southern minstrel show, sort of awful. So there were always so that there was, that's another thing that I think has changed a lot now. Back in the '80s. There was the actress in Momma's family. She's such, she's great. If he can learn, it's okay. But it was, there was a very, very clear distinction between southern shows and northern shows. Wait, what was how old was she supposed to be? In her sixties. And how old was Vicki Lawrence at the time? How many in her thirties? Were you the one that told me that Wilford Brimley was 51 when he was in Cacoon? No, no. Did you hear that? Ah, I believe that. I believe that. One of my favorite Wilford Brimley stories is, did you ever seen The Thing, John Carpenter's The Thing? I don't think, oh yeah, I think maybe, yeah. Wilford Brimley, at one point, is The Thing. I don't want to refer you. Okay. And he rips this guy's face off. Okay. And he's got this really intense look on his face. And I saw an interview with him and someone goes, how are you regretting that scene? Like what, what was your motivation? What were you going through in that scene? And he goes, well, I was thinking about picking up my laundry. And now every time I watch that, I'm like, yeah, that, that seems like that's what he's thinking about. Like he's thinking about picking up his laundry. But like, think about even getting that cough from your age. Oh, Wilford, you're 51, but you look 80. Yeah. So you're going to play an 80 and he played it very convincingly. And that's why Wilford Brimley looked the same. Like he was one of those guys back then. They weren't thought, oh, that guy's going to die soon. And now he's still alive. He aged prematurely to a certain point and then stopped. So and then he ended up better off than that. He was in that fucking movie about senior citizens. Yeah, he was 51. That's all right. Yeah, he wasn't that much older than Gutenberg. Yeah, I know. You was in that that I loved was, um, uh, oh my God. Why Raquel Welch's daughter. Oh, really? Yeah. She was the alien. Oh, that was Raquel Welch, wasn't it? No, it's Raquel Welch's daughter. What was her name? Uh, it's like Talia Welch, I think, or something like that. So she was, she was, she also in, uh, was she the one that came out of the, she was in the original, what's the release, the Kraken movie, Clash of the Titans? Clash of the Titans. She also the woman that nakedly emerges in the Clash of the Titans. You don't remember being so. You know who's the woman that? Yeah. Oh, yeah. You see her book, you see her ass. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't think that was her. Yeah. It's amazing to me that, like, something like that, I won't remember anything that happened in that movie, except that when a lady, like, you know exactly what was talking about, right? Yeah, but that's not that amazing to me. All right. You were, you were a teenage boy at one point, I assume. That's, that's how, that's how we gauge things. One of the things about this is funny looking through the TV guides. It's just like how I used to look through this stuff at, like, and think when my parents were going to bed. So you thought you might be able to see some boots? Yeah, like when it's basically, I'm hoping, like, you know, that Hot Dog, the movie, comes on. Yeah. I mean, I think many, many men spent the majority of the 80s hoping Hot Dog, the movie, came on. Yeah. Or like, I'm sitting there, my dad's in another easy chair and he's drinking and, like, he's going to pass out. Yeah. That was, he going to pass out before? Before 11 o'clock. Yeah. Because if he stays up and you're just sitting there, you're just resentful of the fact that he's staying up and not snoring. I'm trying to watch hamburger, the motion picture. Yeah. Trying to watch hamburger. Hot Dog and hamburger make a pretty good double feature, even though they're very, very different movies. Wait, what is it? Hot Dog, I know, obviously. Hot Dog, yeah. It's not about Hot Dog, it's about skiing. Hamburger, the motion picture, is about, it's a college comedy, basically, about people that go to, like, a hamburger university to learn how to run, like, a dog-side hamburger franchise, but it's, uh, it's, like, just a TNA-6. Nice. Nice. That was on HBO endlessly, endlessly. My dad didn't really care what I watched. The, we had one incident, uh, where- Well, your parents took you to movies that were by four- Yeah. You were at your A-train. Oh, absolutely. I mean, I saw him on Elm Street when I was four in the theater. But they, um, my dad rented on paper view, you rented Foxy Boxing. Oh, yeah, yeah, you told me about that, yeah. Yeah, and I walked in, I walked into the room and he goes, "Get out of here." This, uh, it's not for kids. Not for kids, yeah. It was Foxy Boxing. See, we were with Love Boat, and this was really sort of the death throes of Love Boat. Oh, really? They've been on for almost 10 years at this point. 'Cause I love the Love Boat. You really did feel like you were taking a trip with these people, and even though it was so obvious, like, you just were like, "Oh my God, what's gonna happen to that young couple?" They really did. Are they gonna get engaged or what's gonna, how are we gonna solve this, guys? And people hate Gavin McCloud, but for some reason I find him endlessly charming. Oh, yeah. I get an autograph Gavin McCloud photo upstairs in my house. Is he still alive, Gavin? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe I'll show him. He probably looks exactly the same too. That's my hope, Ken, is that- He can be a Gavin McCloud. I prematurely aged into a bald fat man, but I'll probably look the same for the next couple of years. Yeah, well, even though y'all look a lot younger than people eventually. He's gonna read it out. Yeah, so this episode there's a- It's about counting on Ken. Well, we're all counting on that for you. Yeah, you're gonna lose your hair and become old. You think that? And I'm gonna look- Yeah, I don't know if we're gonna cross paths, and I'm gonna look pretty good for 60. I don't know, my hair- And you're gonna be like, "Oh, Ken doesn't look the same anymore." My dad's gonna get the full head of hair. His dad has the full head of hair. Yeah, well, you'll probably get- I'll go gray. Yeah. Or something'll happen. I'm very hairy, I mean, worst case. I'm just saying I'm gonna be better looking- That's fair enough. That's fair enough. I'll let you have that. And also better at comedy. That's fair enough. Next topic. Yeah. So I'll- You may outlive me. Yeah. And then both of those things will be true. Those will be true. We'll look back and then we'll be like, "What are we having on that Ken guy?" Because they have that real famous. If I'm rotting in a hole, you would be better at comedy and probably better looking. There you go. That's- I'm just waiting for you to die. That's fine. We all are. Good stuff, Tony. Good stuff. So, loveboat. This particular episode- A young man showering Vicky with gifts captures the interest of a newly retired cop and his wife, an army captain back from six lonely months in Alaska traps go for in a cabin. That's the one I would be into. That's a strange one. A married couple meets up with a couple of swingers. Oh, and this is the one I read who to put- Here are the swingers. Here are the swingers. So the married couple is played by Charlotte Ray, Mrs. Garrett. Of course, yeah. And Louis Nye, who I don't really am not familiar with. But the swingers are played by Jamie Farr. All right, I believe that. Jamie Farr and Heather Locker. And I'm fucking young. In her pre-new pile, Heather Locker. Heather Locker is still- She's great looking. Yeah, she's still- Probably 51. She's probably in her early 50s. She's in a grimly. Right here, she's a 21-year-old Heather Locker is hanging around with Jamie Farr, who looks like fucking Mo the bartender from Simpsons. Less believable than the different stroke's episode that we read earlier. Jamie Farr and Heather Locker there would be in a group together. Let alone that Heather Locker there would be a swinger. The other options you had was a short-lived show called People Are Funny, which was sort of a hidden camera show. Yeah, I kind of remember that. This one says segments on a vagrant who tries to give away $20 bills, phony protesters who persuade a bystander to join them, a man in a restaurant who asked to sample other people's food. Also, Flip Wilson tries to find anyone who shares his real first name. Oh, so that was Flip Wilson. Was that Flip Wilson's show? I believe he- No, he had a show called the Flip Wilson Show. Yeah, he did. I think most of these people are funny. He didn't last real long. He was a deal for a while there. He was. He was kind of like a minor league Cosby, too, for stand-up comedy, wasn't he? Hmm, that's very generous of you. Didn't he- what didn't he do? Was- didn't he have a song? Yeah, he was popular stand-up comedy. Yeah, he was a good stand-up comedy. And then he got really behind him. Yeah, he was pretty- Yeah, he used for network stuff. Boring, yeah. He found him very boring. How did he turn his phone off? My bad. If you're- He did the podcast, which is very- Hey, bad, sorry. Yeah, and your other option was Air Wolf, which is the show I never really got into. 9.30, you had Mama's Family, which we've talked about. That went into first-run syndication. It got even worse after. Oh, yeah. It was really bad. I'm not going to bother to read the synopsis for Mama's Family that night. But it was when Rumaclana Ham was on the show. So it was good that it got canceled that led to Golden Girls the next year. Nice. So that takes us to 10 and finishes off Saturday night. Decent choices. Yeah. I think you made a valiant effort to do the right thing on that night. On to Sunday night, what do you got for eight o'clock? Well, you know it. It's got- it's night- it's night-riding. It's got to be night-riding. It's got to be night-riding. It's got to be night-riding. Kid is the bait and Michael's plan to trap customized car thieves. It's a repeat, but well worth watching again. No real guest stars of note in that episode, but quality, quality episode. You really didn't have anything else on. I mean, you had Hardcastle McCormick, which was terribly boring. No good movies. I mean, really- Actually, the only good movie. The only thing I was trying to get you to see if there was- Do you remember Max Dugan returns? Yes, with- Jason Robards. Jason Robards, yeah. I always used to get that confused with Finnegan- Finnegan again again. That could be very, very similar, yeah. It's Finnegan beginning again. He comes in and does- It's like that same thing, right? Very similar movie, and that was with Richard Mulligan. Oh, yeah. Was it- was it Richard Mulligan? I don't know. I want to say it was Richard Mulligan. But I knew what you were going to say, Finnegan beginning again. They're very similar movies. I watched Jason Robards in anything, though. I think he's terrific. Have you ever seen something wicked this way? Something wicked this way? Tell him my favorite movie's ever. Good scene in the library with him and Mr. Dark is one of the best scenes in a movie ever. I rented something wicked this way. Comes that I would rent that and the karate kid and just watch both of them all. Something weird- Pam Greer is really good in something wicked this way. Yeah, oh, it's a great movie. That's such a good movie. Good book, too. Really good book. Yeah, yeah. That movie needs to- Probably the best live action Disney movie. Could be. Could be. I would say. The best Ray Bradbury adaptation I would also say. Yeah. Yeah. People think it's a mess. They're wrong. So you didn't miss anything in 830 that really is almost nothing on except a sitcom with Hoyt-Axton in it. Which was- See the southern guy? Hoyt-Axton started as a songwriter. He wrote a lot of songs for Elvis with his mother. Right. But he also played the father in "Gremlins." Oh, yes, exactly. He's got a great speaking voice. Exactly. He had a sitcom called "Domestic Life." And it wasn't great, but I will say this. I'd watch Hoyt-Axton in just about anything. So at nine o'clock, what do you got? Got the Jefferson's at nine. Final season of "The Jefferson's." Yeah. Probably the worst season of "The Jefferson's." I'm sure. In this episode, Barbara appears as George's former girlfriend who arrives in town with a chip on her shoulder and a plan to eliminate George. Gonna kill him. Yeah. Pretty fantastical plotline. Didn't he end up gay in "Dion of AIDS," too? Or just gay? Sherman Helmsley? Sherman Helmsley was gay, right? I don't know if he was gay. He was gay. He was in a production of the odd couple- I think there's anything wrong with it. I'm just saying he was- I don't know if he was gay. I don't think he died of AIDS. He was in a production of the odd couple at the Stoneham Theatre, which is a suburb here. When? Oh, maybe eight years ago? No way. And you know who his co-star was? Hoyt Axton? Oh, I wish. If that was Hoyt Axton, that would have been the best production ever. It was Pat Marita. No fucking way. Absolutely. They were in- What, Pat Marita and fucking- Sherman Helmsley? In the odd couple with the Stoneham Theatre, which is a small suburb inside of Boston, very small theatre. Do they have- Was it just like a touring show? No. You say they came to fucking like- For months? They took residents and stumbled past- Absolutely. Absolutely. And my dentist said that Sherman Helmsley came in there because he cracked his tooth and the dentist- Because you have to put your age when you fill out the form. And Sherman Helmsley was, I don't know, his 70s or something. And my dentist goes, I was like, "I can't believe you're in your 70s." And he says to me, "Hey man, Black Don't Crack." I've never heard that before. He said I laugh. So there's dental tools that have been in my mouth that may very well have been in Sherman Helmsley's mouth as well. Wow, that's crazy. I can't believe anyone would go to Stoneham Mass for- That's pretty bad, isn't there? Like, yeah, that's- It might have been a great production. I guess, you know. I wish I'd known about that. But, well, you know now, if we invent some sort of time travel- Now that both of those people are dead. Yeah. Maybe that would even be a better production. 9.30, I'm guessing that you went with Alice. Gotta go with Alice. Nah, see, I couldn't get into Alice. Oh, come on. I hated Vic Tayback. His back ribs. Flow was gone by this point. Oh, yes. She got her own. We're at the very tail end of both the Jefferson's and Alice Eric here. So these are kind of like the last ditch. See, it was weird. There were shows that I always considered 70s shows that it was kind of shocking that they made it to almost 1985. Yeah. So, you know, Alice, you know, definitely the Jefferson's stuff like that. Vic Tayback bothered me, wasn't a fan. I would have gone with the rerun a dragnet on the USA Network. Yeah, see, I'm not a big fan. Oh, man, I love dragnet. Also, great movie. Underrated, one of the most underrated Tom Hanks, Dan Aykroyd movies. Really? Really good movie. All right, so that's- That's a better than the one with the slobbering dog. Turner and Hooshe. Turner and Hooshe isn't bad. Wasn't that the joke and that whole thing that that dog just kept slobbering? Like, that was actually- Somebody wrote like a recurring bit that that- Or was that a different movie? No, that's Turner and Hooshe. But I think you might be laying some of the canine with Jim Belushi- Oh, good to be on Turner and Hooshe. Turner and Hooshe. Turner and Hooshe is a lot better. But not the best dog in man mode. Is anything with Jim Belushi worth seeing at all? I like Jim Belushi quite a bit. Yeah, he's- You're kidding me. I swear to God, he's in a movie. About last night, I'll give it to him. About last night, he's great. He's in a movie called Real Men with John Ritter, where he's great in it. It's a really good movie. Totally underrated, really funny, really, really weird movie. I highly recommend Real Men with John Ritter and John Belushi. I mean, not Jim Belushi. And Jim Belushi is in Bonnie Hunt's directorial debut, Return to Me, which is great. Return to Me, that's a movie? Yeah. She wrote and directed it. It's a really, really good movie. If you want to cry, wow. You're gonna nag or fall. I love Bonnie Hunt. Bonnie Hunt is probably my all-time, most respected, favorite, writer, performer. She's amazing. She's great. She wrote and directed it. Jim Belushi's really good in it. She knows him from Second City. And he's just a supporting role, and it's really good. He's also really good in the man with one red shoe. Oh, yeah. He's really good in that. Agreed. Yeah, he's- I don't know why he has this reputation as being a figure of fun. He's good in stuff. Oh, you know what he's great in? Thief. I don't remember that one. Michael Mann's thief. Michael Mann's first book with James Con. Oh, yeah, yeah, that was- James Con. I just saw something on the AV Club told me to go see that. Yeah, well, the Criterion Collection Blu-ray just came out. Oh, which is excellent. One of my favorite movies, Jim Belushi, is basically James Con, Second and Command. He's great. No way. Really, really good in that. Wow. Yeah. Good movie. So- James Belushi. James Belushi. Re-considered. Yeah. He's also- Do you have his memoir among your book collection? I don't have- I don't have Belushi. I noticed a Delta Burke memoir. That's very good. I love Delta Burke. Yeah. I love Delta Burke. She's very funny. She was incredibly attractive. She's like a more attractive Katy Perry when she was younger. Oh, yes. She had those big boobs too. Which is way less goofy looking than Katy Perry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Delta Burke. Good stuff. Very funny. Very good comparison though. Yeah. Good comparison though. Very similar. Is that kind of your lady type thing? Did you- I was big into the- When I was a teenager, I was big into like the Delta Burke. The Delta Burke toys? It's a beautiful face. Beautiful eyes. Yeah. Kind of, but maybe a little big, but just big boobs. But she wasn't in that big- Until later. She also reminded me, I used to confuse her with Jane Bader from V. Like that, you know Diane. That's a little bit of a deep cut for me. Yeah. But here's what I'm saying. I'm saying that like there's Heather Locklear. Yep. Super hot. You weren't into the health when you blondes. You like the sort of- No, and I wasn't into like the super skinny. I was into the Delta Burke kind of like- Who else would you put in that Delta Burke category? Oh, I can't even think of it. Just that's just the perfect- Just Delta Burke. She was great. Yeah. She's really fun. There's a lot of them, I'm sure. But like, you know what I put into that category today? Is that Nigella Lawson. Oh yeah. It's a hottie- Who doesn't like Nigella Lawson? Woman that's- Yeah. You know what I mean? Like they're feeding you- Did you like J.K. And they're- I like J.K. I would put J.K. in that category. Yeah. I would say so. I'm gonna say yeah maybe. I don't know. Well, you're a racist. We're a racist, yeah. We're gonna put a black in there. Yeah. If you're gonna put a black in there. That's the black in the list. That's the black. I would- You know what I would love? They should have- I think they missed a trick having a sitcom where Delta Burke and J.K. Harry were like detectives together or some kind of show where the two of them were the two leads in the show. That would have been an excellent, excellent show. Yeah, yeah. She's married to that one- That other guy there, Delta Burke. Cheryl McRaney. Major dad. Yeah. Yeah. Major dad himself. Major dad. Good stuff. She was also on a really good show, pre-design- Design Women I Love. And she was on a show pre-designing women by Linda Bloodworth Thomas, who did Design Women called Filthy Rich. That was very good. Oh, okay. It was only on one season. So we're on Monday night. Monday night. Sad night for people. Yeah. It's back to school, back to work. You really wanna escape that night. Just speaking of Monday night and women that have that large-breasted 80s profile. Beautiful. This is a little bit of a connection here. Buffalo Bill starring Dabney Coleman. Right. And the connection, of course, being 9 to 5. No, was Gina Davis on this? Gina Davis was on Buffalo Bill. She's too tall. She's not as, you know, but she's kind of like, she was an Olympic level departure. I know, I know. She's from Massachusetts. From Cape Cod. Oh, really? Here she is. From Cape Cod. Yeah, Buffalo Bill was with Dabney Coleman. He's a 9 to 5 with Dolly Parton, obviously. So that's my kind of, you know. Dolly Parton was certainly. Dabney Coleman is a classic 80s jerk. Yeah, he is. He's absolutely terrific. It's a pretty decent show. It was on two seasons. You can actually pick up the entire series on DVD for about two bucks now. There we go. It's worth getting. It was one of the first sitcoms with a really unlikable lead character. Okay. And he was sort of just despicable. Yeah. And it was, in a lot of ways, I think really ahead of its time because that's sort of the norm now where you have a really unlikable main character. I know, yeah. And in 1984, that was very-- And nowadays, to have a show, you can't just have a show. You have to have a character that's got like Parkinson's. Yeah. And bipolar pressure. People with Parkinson's are unlikable. Like now, it's got a real asshole with Parkinson's. You just had to have a couple of tits and a nice dress to show them off. And now you've got to have-- You've got to be like a-- Well, you have to have a nice body, but then you also have to secretly murder people. Right, right. And that's your big dramatic, you know, thing. Do you have a cook meth or whatever it is that you're-- Gina Davis cooks meth in the sitcom. She started a lot of sitcoms. She was in Family Ties for almost a whole year. She was. Yeah. She was good there. She was very pretty. She's great. She's really funny. Married Jeff Goldblum for a while. Yeah. And then she married Renee Harlan, the director. And then the weirdest thing was when she was dating Jeff Goldblum, she started speaking exactly like him. So you can definitely tell when they're together, because she talks exactly like Jeff Goldblum. He strikes me as a creep. But he's still funny. He's good. I've never seen anything that I didn't love Jeff Goldblum in. Yeah, he's good. He's very good. They co-starred in at least three movies that I can-- That's right. --go. "Transylvania 6, 5,000." Very good movie. The "Fly." The only movie that ever made me vomit. Great movie, but I did vomit. Twice. Two different scenes made me vomit in the theater. Oh, you're kidding. Yeah. In the theater? Yes. I went to the bathroom. I honestly, that's off my-- I don't think I saw that, because I-- You've never seen "The Fly?" I stay away from scary things. Okay. The "Fly" is excellent. It's actually a metaphor for cancer. So David Cronenberg made this movie, and it's a movie about his dad dying of cancer. Yeah. See, I've watched other David Cronenberg movies, like the ones where they-- Fucking cars, isn't that one? Oh, Crash, yeah. Yeah, and like other movies where like it's kind of like, where were those guy who was a surgeon with tools? Deadringers. Deadringers, yeah. Between gynecologists. Yeah. So like, if it's got a little bit of an art house appeal, so I'm surprised I didn't see "The Fly." The "Fly" is really good. Yeah. And it's really sad. I mean, the ending of "The Fly" is like devastating. Yeah. It's a really good movie. I would highly recommend "The Fly." It's a very smart movie too. It's not just like a, you know, gross amount. Okay. But there is some coverless scenes that are really disgusting. "Genie Davis" is very good in it. And then they were in "Earth Girls" or "Easy," which I absolutely love. That's right. So I have to say, I think Buffalo Bill would have been sort of my last choice. What's up? What else is on it this time? Now, it was a premier, world premiere movie that night of "Fax life go to Paris" was on at 9, which I'd be very excited for. And I would-- That's what I'm-- yeah. Yeah. Which I assume you'd go on at 9. Yeah. So I wouldn't have picked any of the two-hour things. There were a couple movies on at 8, which I couldn't have watched. "Auto Man" was on, which was kind of a fun show about a guy who was a crime fighter with a sentient computer. But-- Interesting. I would have had to have gone. TV's bloopers and practical jokes loved it. At 8 p.m.? 8 p.m.? Oh, I missed that one. No, I think I did definitely-- I like "Dadne" Coleman. I'll just watch him anything. I probably, if I'm back in the day, I would have watched the bloopers sing. "Love to you." But at 8.30, I just-- There's nothing at 8.30, except for "A.K.A. Pablo." "A.K.A. Pablo." Paul Rodriguez. Paul Rodriguez is sitcom. Did not. That was the only one. I feel like he must have been putting a few of them. I feel like he was probably moving. But that was when he started. Yeah. It was terrible. OK. Oh, you know what? He was in one where he played a lawyer. I can't think of the name of it. But "A.K.A. Pablo" was his first one. Really bad show. Really bad show. And then "Facts to Life" go to Paris. Done, done, done. Let me read you the description of "A.K.A. Pablo" for the night. OK, just people know. An announcement that Paul, played by Paul Rodriguez, will have his own series, affects his niece's quincineriano. Whatever that is. He's in Europe. He's in Europe. Ken, are you racist against Mexican people? Yeah, I am exactly. Because you couldn't pronounce quincineriano. I can't speak Spanish. But they-- Sweet 16 can accept 15. That's what they say that here. The festival celebration of a girl's 15th birthday. Like a bat on a pinata. Exactly. So I like that they used a very racist metaphor to describe people how bad it was going for them. So yeah, "Facts to Life" goes to Paris. Two-hour movie. Fantastic. This is right when they were in their prime. Yeah, what more can you ask for than to be transported to that world? I love-- here's the thing. I grew up without a strong male father figure. I mean, he was around. But you got a female father figure? I didn't. But I grew up reading. I grew up like-- I still, to this day, I prefer working with women. You're in touch with the feminine side. Yes, I'm in touch with my feminine side. I read a lot of Terry McMillan novels. OK. When I was like 12 years old, I was reading about, you know, the plight of how it's hard to find a good black man. I can identify with that. Yeah. I mean, I had a subscription to "Sassy" in 17 when I was a kid. There you go, right? And I just think that their women's sensibilities are better than-- and I just-- I enjoyed being around those ladies. I never would have enjoyed a bunch of guys go somewhere. And I'm just-- No. Yeah, I don't want that. Two things. I mean, who would have been-- you think your best friend are amongst the "Facts to Life" girls? The Mindy. The Mindy-Con Natalie. Yeah, she's the one I most want to hang out with. I like "Tootie," but she was a little-- a little-- it seemed like she'd be a lot of work. Yeah. Natalie seemed like, you know, she just come over, you guys hang out, you can meet her up, go to the movies, whatever. Yeah. It's good, good. And Joe, it seemed okay. I mostly want to hang out with her dad because Alex Rocco played him. That's right. The other thing was that at this time, which is the thing we don't have anymore, is you had these big two-hour movies every year like "Family Ties Goes to Paris." "Facts to Life Goes to Paris." "Facts to Life Goes to Australia." They would do these movies or the ones where they would have a superstar cast of all the actors from the sitcoms like "Dance Till Dawn" or "Camp Cucamonga" or "Poison Ivy" was this year. And it's a shame we don't have that now. Well, they even have-- because all those things were put together for sweeps, right? That's the period you're supposed to get people for. Or what do we do now for-- Or like a summer replacement thing. And now we don't even have like-- there's not even a TV season anymore, really, right? Yeah, not really. Things are very, very different, though. Yeah. And-- but it's so funny, too, because these things were always-- like, you can almost just see the suits saying, "Oh, we want to put Mr. T in different strokes. "We want to put facts of life in Paris. "We've got like, you know, "we just-- one of our big advertisers is, you know, "land comb, so we're going to go to Paris." So we're just going to like just blatant cross-promotion and like, you know, this is easier to do this than, you know, it just doesn't make any feasible sense artistically or anything, but it's, you know-- People loved it. Yeah. I loved it, you know. Tuesday. I think this is a tough night. Well, I don't know. But I know absolutely what I would have gone for at nine o'clock. But let's see what you got at eight. I got 18 at eight. Sorry, I'm-- That is boring. Yeah, 18 at eight. 18 at eight is the right-- Long night, last night, guys. That is the right move. Obviously, this was the height of Mr. T. This is a great episode. Let's read the episode here. "The team helps migrant workers unionize against the landowner "who's forced them to work under slave labor conditions." Goddamn. "And the evil guy was played by John Vernon, "which is-- you go. "John Vernon was the dean in American-- what the hell? ECU? No, no, no, no, no. American law? No. John Belushi. Animal House. Animal House. I think an American werewolf. Animal House. And he's just-- he's in Killecron's modern space. John Vernon's just a classic villain. Yes. Great episode. The only other really thing that was on against it was NBC-- I mean, ABC's rip-off of "TB Poopers and Practical Jokes" entitled "Fowl Ups, Bleeps and Blenders." [LAUGHS] Which was pretty terrible. "The McDowell's Restaurant of Blooper shows." Pretty terrible. Also, at 8.30, when I watched an 18, you'd miss another episode of AKA Pablo. Yes, exactly. Two nights in a row, AKA Pablo. They're really pushing that. That's probably when they were just dumping off the shows to finish off a contract, you know? They did the same thing with Buffalo Bill, and then I'm showing up here a couple different times. Well, we'll talk about that later. Yeah. So 9 o'clock, I knew exactly what I'd go for, but what did you go with? I went with Riptide, my friend. Oh. I'm sorry, Riptide. It's not good. I can't tell you it's good, but I can't tell you I watched it. This is a Tuesday night. When you're in an 18-- when you pick a drama or like a comment, like an hour-long show on a Tuesday, you don't-- one thing you don't see me going for is you won't see me going for two comedies afterwards, two half hours, you know? But, man, there's such an-- What did I miss? Miss Teen USA. Oh, yes. Miss Teen USA. Yeah. Two hours of Miss Teen USA. Yeah, that's a good call. That's a good call. I mean, who wouldn't go with that? I don't know. I don't even want to watch them. You're big into that stuff. Oh, I always watch Miss Teen USA. Miss America. Miss Universe. I don't anymore. I mean, I stopped pretty much when I hit puberty. Even because Miss Teen USA is keep getting caught for doing porn lately. Yeah, well, I think it's a similar person that's driven to do something the same. I guess, but like, it's amazing to me that somebody would just do porn if they're doing that thing. Like, it's the same-- It's probably not that different to them. It's that-- and that tells you a lot about our society. Like, think about-- It's much more mainstream. Yeah, think about it. Yeah, but it's not a mainstream act to do like a porno in high definition. Well, I think now it's a lot easier to make that. In 1984, if you wanted to be in porn, you would have had to go work with some mobsters and get in front of a film camera. But think about what happened to the Miss America from that time that married a basketball player. Williams. Yeah. Yeah. But she had a very successful recording. Yeah, and her thing was penthouse, but it was like, it was just pictures, right? Yeah, but society's very different now. I know. Kim Kardashian's only famous for doing a porno. I know. I know. And Paris Hilton. So these girls, I'm sure, who are sort of pageant girls anyway are like, yeah, this will be how I get famous. I guess. But I mean, they had a famous name or some kind of-- they had like a famous family behind them when a teenager from just out of nowhere does a porno. Look at that teeny mom girl. And Miss USA, they just-- yeah, but that's, you know. I think it's very different. I mean, I think that there's not probably even really a place for things like Miss Teen USA in the world now. No, there's not. It's-- Miss Teen USA is the stand-up comedy of pageants. Probably. Yeah, that's very, very-- It was big in the '80s. Kelly Hu was probably the most famous Miss Teen USA. Oh, really? She was still a successful actress. She was Miss Teen USA, I believe '86. What was she doing? She's from Hawaii. What she now-- she was in very, very famous growing pains two-parter when they go to Hawaii, with the song swept away by Christopher Carost in her theme. But she's been in a lot of stuff. I mean, she was-- she's been working consistently. Kelly Hu? Yeah. Kelly Hu's on her. Got to him. But boom! To Jane. This is why Al Park is the greatest comedian we got there. We got a joke in it. All right. Wednesday, 8 o'clock. What do you got? I got one day at a time. Come on. Didn't like it. Valerie Bertinelli. She's not as bucced some, but she's got that same-- She all for some, yeah. She'd be very forgiving in bed. That's what you think? Well, she is married to Eddie Van Halen, so you might be right. I never liked one day at a time. That was one of those shows that was-- I had a very negative, sort of visceral reaction to 1970s. I feel like she would just nurture my 12-year-old. She might? She's still like it. She's in her 50s now. She's both of them really good. Yeah, she's looking good. She uses that melan extract stuff on her face. That's a good shot for her stuff. According to the infomercials, I watch every morning. I got to start doing that so I can-- The melan extract? Yeah, you should. I think you could look a lot like Valerie Bertinelli. Valerie, in the right light. Nice. I think you get a Bertinelli-esque face. Yeah. One day at a time, Barbara, Valerie Bertinelli, quickly becomes fed up with her house guests, Mark's old-school friends, whose Tom Foolery is turning the place into a three-ring circus. Hey, you know what would be the holy grail of porn? Valerie Bertinelli. Like 80s stars on VHS like porn, like those early 80s. But they didn't-- That would have been-- Like the earliest we have, really, is like-- is the-- what's her name? Pam and Tommy Lee, as far as-- Yeah, it was the 90s. --things that couldn't come out. But if you look at that, but imagine how much somebody would pay for, like, a Heather Locklear. But at home video cameras-- 1983. But that no one had the equipment then. The kind of people that would film that sort of thing for their own use-- I guess. --really didn't get the equipment till the late 80s minimum. I guess. And then just like-- That would be like the whole like-- If you ever want to ever unearth something like that. Well, the 90s, you had a dirth-- Yeah, like Jean-Elene Nolan from Baywatch. You had Tonya Harding. I guess, yeah. You know, there was a lot of that. But it's the distance that makes it such a big thing. Like, I watched-- you watched "The Salinger" biography the other night. No. And he's got five other books that he's published. He's written it all, and he's got publication dates for it. You mean J.D. Salinger? J.D. Salinger's starting in 2015, and then 2020. And then-- so he's got-- like, there's this huge weight for these books that are probably not going to live up to the hype. But apparently, he outlines the whole glass family, the whole thing that he started to catch her in the rye and nine stories. So you want to see-- He's got them. So there's just a huge amount of publicity. The book industry is not even going to fucking exist to end 2020. But these things will still sell a million hard copy books, because-- So you want to see a porno at J.D. Salinger? I don't want to see it now. Salinger, are you trying to get it? No, just sort of uncovered things from someone who's-- Catch her in the rye, exactly. I don't know. I don't think that-- Snatch 22. Snatch 22. Snatch 22. Fantastic. That's a great joke. Puts the her and Salinger. My god. One day at a time is what you went with. I would have gone with Fall Guy. I would have gone with the Fall Guy. Oh, yeah. Oh, good story about that. Petitomas. Lee Majors lived above my grandmother. Really? Yeah, at the Mayim market-- You mean financially? Yeah, right. Well, in a sense, she lives on the 18th floor of the Mayim market building in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. OK. Penthouse is right above. And Lee Majors moved in there probably 15 or 20 years ago. And so he was right above us. But then we would see him at the pool. So after he broke up with Farrah? Oh, yeah. He basically had a very younger, Blender-looking, but same body. Farrah. Yes, blonde woman that was his with him. And then he moved out a while after. But he was apparently very nice to my grandmother. So you never talked to him, but you've seen him in person? Yeah, I saw him in person. Yeah, he was one of those guys that kind of looked like he had a little bit of a belly that he was kind of constantly. But he seems like he was a big dude. Is he like a big guy? He seemed like a big manly guy. Yeah, he was a big guy. He was. But he kind of just looked like an overcooked Florida, whatever. So did generic overcooked Florida? Yeah, an old guy. I'd like to meet Lee Majors. I think he'd be a fun guy to hang out with. Yeah, yeah. 830. Did you go with Mama Malone? I did. I have no idea what it is. But there was 830. There was the only choice. What's Mama Malone? Mama Malone was a pretty terrible sitcom about an Italian family. Mama is in a stew when she learns Frankie's school. We'll be offering a sex education class. And even Connie begins to heed Mama's warnings when she meets the cheerleader, Frankie brings home. No one. There is no one of any note in Mama Malone. Here is the cast list. Malloria Hardin, Evan Richards, Don, Ama Danilia, and Ralph Manza, and Mama's played by Lillie Kay. I don't even know. I don't even know. I don't even know her as well. Mallora Hardin? I don't even know who that is. I've heard of her. I haven't even heard of those people. That's pretty bad when I've not heard of anything. Yeah, that's off there. I remember that show was terrible. Let's just move right on tonight. April 5, Thursday, you know what I got here. Oh no, we're still at 9 p.m. April 4. Let's do just like, I'm just kidding. What are my options? Because I think I might have scooted over that. I totally scooted over that. I didn't think. Wow, you bailed out. Facts of life. Facts of life. Is it just facts of life or is it facts of life moving? It's just facts of life. But I'm definitely doing that. It's a rerun of the season opener. It's the conclusion of the two-part season opener where the girls solve their housing problems by becoming Mrs. Garrett's Livin' Helpers. So this is when Mrs. Garrett opened Edna's Edibles. They all lived in the attic. That's really the only choice you had in 9 o'clock. It was a classic. 8, 30-- I mean, 9, 30 that night was the debut of one of my favorite sitcoms from the 90s. Give me a clue, let me guess it. The two women that star in it, they're-- Catelyn, nope. Although, you're very close. You're very close and you're not-- you're actually not wrong in a way, which I'll get to in a moment. Their sibling is still a star acting in TV and movies and was in a very famous long-lived sitcom as well. Oh, I don't know. I'm getting-- The Segal sisters. It's Cately Segal. She had twin sisters, played by Jean and Liz Segal, whose names in the show are Catelyn and Allison. Wow. So that's why you're not wrong with the Catelyn and Allison. Oh, so that was like a rip-off of the-- It wasn't-- nothing to do with Catelyn and Allison. It came out the season before. The show was called "Double Trouble," the twin sisters. Season one is not great. They're in Ohio. They live with their dad as a widower. Wait, so these are twin sisters? Twin sisters. So are they look like Catelyn or are they hot like Catelyn? Oh, they're very attractive, yeah. They're twins. And they also date an abusive Greg Almond for many years? I don't think so. Before and after Sharon-- Yeah, I think they're younger than Catelyn. Oh, really? And where are they now? They're nothing around too much now. They don't do much now. They both act individually. I see them in commercials every now and then. Season two in the next year was the best season. They moved to New York City. It was very 1985. It's one of my favorite seasons of the show, "Love It." Season one I still like, but "Double Trouble" is a favorite. A favorite. And they're no longer in the business though. I don't believe they act very much anymore, yeah. They don't act very much anymore. 8 p.m. Thursday. Premus CTV. What are you going with? Well, it's kind of my CTV. I mean, come on. Not officially. Not officially, but we're going with giving a break. Absolutely. We're on NBC all night tonight. You just park in an NBC. I think that's a good call. Yeah. Now, you had a couple other options. That's incredible was on, which I would sometimes watch. I love that's incredible, actually. But by this time, that's incredible was very long on the tooth too. It was. So here are the segments, and that's incredible that night. Segments on a five-year-old record holder for distance running, a five-year-old distance runner, a haunted pub in Wales, an allergy treatment using wasps, a pilot who performs acrobatics of 5,000 feet with the plane engine turned off, and a gymnastic exhibition by the tiny mites of Houston. It doesn't tell us what the tiny mites of Houston are, but I assume they're little people with the gymnastics. And your other option was Magnum PI that night. Never picked up a Magnum PI until repeats in college, and I liked it. I watched it at four o'clock repeats as well. So give me a break. It was definitely the move. It's a repeat that night, but it's a good episode. It's the conclusion when a social worker comes to take Joey to the orphanage, Nell tells her that he's run away again. So she ends up daunting. Wait, so what was the problem with-- He was a runaway. He was a runaway. So he was introduced in the show. They tried to introduce him in a bunch of shows on NBC at the time. OK, so he was kind of wandered around. So he was literally an orphan. He was an orphan. He actually stole from the "Give Me a Break" household. And it's a production up. So he came and pretended he was collected for charity. They ended up adopting him. Dolph Sweet as the chief. First of all, maybe the best name of anyone ever. That's a great name. Dolph Sweet, such a miserable old man in that show. Terrible. Sadly, died of cancer before the show ended. He wasn't in the last two seasons. A lot of people like Carrie Michelson, who played Katie. She's the oldest sister. Give me a break, she's great. I love Nell Carter. I could watch her in anything. Rest in peace, no. No, died of the-- died of the beaties. Died of the beaties, yeah? 8.30. You want my family ties? Of course I did, yeah. One of my favorites. Mallory's reunion with her college boyfriend has her worry that she may not be as interesting to him as she once was. Decent episode, not the best episode I've ever seen, but a good solid family ties episode. Got it. There wasn't really any other choices at that point. At 8.30, the other show that was on that night was called Great Zoos of the World. 9 o'clock, you went with Cheers. Cheers, yeah, you got it. There was a movie on called Red Light Sting with Farrah Fawcett and Beau Bridges at 9 o'clock. Sounds good. Speaking of Lee Major. She was a call girl, and he was the policeman. Farrah Fawcett and Beau Bridges play a hooker and a G-man who team up-- It's a G-man. Yeah, a gumshoe, I think, up a slick gangster for a fall in the Red Light Sting, a TV movie. Nice. But I think that the right move was Cheers. It's season two when Coach was still on it. Good show, a quality show, holds up. 9.30, you went with Buffalo Bill again? I did. What else was on at 9.30? I think that was the-- There was nothing else on. It was replacing the comedy series-- it was replaced by the comedy series, The Duck Factory. It was the last time there. Did you ever watch The Duck Factory? Is that a-- Jim Carrey. Oh, yeah. Jim Carrey moves to Hollywood to be an animator. That's right. I knew it was an animation show. It was a part of the animation. Yeah, it was Jim Carrey's. Where was Night Court at this point? Night Court was on-- I have not started yet, I believe. Wasn't Night Court put into the 9.30 Thursday? It was, eventually. Yeah, it was eventually. But I think it started in '84 on Tuesday nights, I want to say. And so later that year, I don't think we had Night Court yet, which was my favorite. Yeah, that night that when-- God, it was a late night. There was a very Anderson once. Were you? I love Harry Anderson. Very nice guy. Did you talk to him? I think I said hi, and he said hi back. I was a baller in a room. John Larricut is one of my personal heroes. Oh, yeah? I would love to be John Larricut. I absolutely loved John Larricut. Has he doing anything nowadays with his own? He does a lot of talks. He does a lot of A-talks, actually. Oh, really? He's in A-talks? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah, that's right, because he had a big cocaine problem. Did you ever see the John Larricut show? I did not. Oh, yeah, he played an addict in recovery. Amazing show, really dark, really funny. Land Clark was on it. They wrote his character as gay, which was great. And a really funny dark sad show, but it's mostly about alcoholics and recovery. And he basically was a successful guy and ruined his life. And so the only job he can get is the night manager of a bus station. Oh, yeah. And that's the beginning of the show. The second season, they lightened it up a lot, put them on the day shift, and it wasn't as dark, but the first season is really, really great. Yeah, so Buffalo Bill, last episode that aired, you know, it's a decent show. Well, you know that just from the date of the thing? Did you get that up, or does that say that? No, I know that. Wow. Yeah, it was replaced by the duck factory the next week. The next week? Oh, my gosh. How long did the duck factory last, which in half a season was about 13 episodes? I do remember the, I vaguely remember the opening to that. Comedy Central used to re-air the duck factory, and the '90s. Because Jim Carrey's name. Yeah, Jim Carrey was big, and it was probably really cheap. I actually, the first I became aware of Jim Carrey was in "Once Bitten," which was the vampire movie reason. That's actually an interesting point, too. My favorite time sometimes for cable networks is when they start out, and they've got to put stuff in. Yeah, whatever it's cheap. And it is, but then you realize that they could put up some good stuff, like there's two new networks. I have cable right now. I'll probably get rid of it, but-- Stop bragging. Esquire, and there's an Esquire channel. You think it used to be Spike or something? It used to be G4. G4, or whatever. But they're playing a lot of, like, they have a couple good food shows. They play, like, leftover Top Chef. So that's kind of my thing. But then they play, like-- And then there's FXX, which is like that FX for extreme, whatever. But they'll just do Park Clean Recreation for a while. I kind of never liked that show. And then you see a couple in a row. You're like, oh, this is great. Yeah, I mean, especially in the '80s when cable was new, and everyone was scrambling for content, which is one of the reasons you got somebody's stand-up shows, because it was one of the cheapest things to do. But we would get a ton of foreign stuff, so I saw a ton of British sitcoms, and British kids' shows, and Australian things, and stuff that I just got exposed to that. You would never see now unless you really looked for it. Yeah, like, because once the one in the network is-- the only time now you get that is when a network is just trying to fill space, because nowadays, everything's so maximized that as soon as something becomes a hit, they just put that in-- they just put that on 30 times a week. Well, they don't even need to now, because, I mean, networks now are-- there's a lot of complaining in this episode. We're sounding like, oh, let me tell you what-- but infomercials is number one. That killed a lot of stuff, because networks can go. We don't need to find anything to err in these fringe spots. We'll get people to pay us to do it. World's greatest pillow. Yeah, and the other thing is that these networks really want to appeal to a niche market. So they'll go, you know what? USA Network used to be great in the '80s. Amazing, weird, innovative stuff. And then they're like, you know what? We're just going to show law and order all day. And that's it. And people will know if they feel like watching law and order. They'll turn to our station, and it'll be there. Very sad for people. All right, last night. Last night. Last Friday night. Big Friday night. 8 o'clock. What do you got? Going with Benson. Gotta do it. I love Benson. This was pretty much the last season of Benson, too. There was another 70s holdover show. Hey, hold over here. Missy Gold of Benson, who played the governor's daughter, who was Tracy Gold from Growing Pains' sister, lives in Portland, Maine now. She's a psychiatrist. So if you see if she takes her insurance, you could go see Missy Gold as your psychiatrist. Oh, kidding. Yup. I'm considered-- What an interesting-- what an interesting-- Well, you should. Yeah. Well, various reasons. That would be the perfect psychiatrist for you. I think that Missy Gold would be the absolute perfect psychiatrist. You could act out a lot of issues with the '80s. And I would feel very comfortable talking to Missy Gold. I went to-- I'll tell you, the only another-- this is a stupid story. But I went to Stanford Summer School at Stanford University between my junior and senior year high school, and totally flaked off. I took weightlifting, and didn't even pass that. Hold on. You can take weightlifting? I did. It's-- yeah. Yeah. My parents paid like $3,000 so I could fail my way through, like, you know-- Squatting. --to go see dead shows and whatever, yeah. And-- because I was in San Francisco. You know, I was in the Bay Area. Right, right. But one of the people I was with-- and I don't know if her name was Missy. But she was the youngest daughter on Little House in the Prairie. Oh, yeah. Melissa Gilbert. Not Melissa Gilbert. No. She was not nobody, nearly that famous. She was the baby of the-- Oh, yes, yes. She was in a few horror movies. And she was so hot. She grew up in Portia. And I was like a friend zone guy. So we would go out every day. Wow. I would just-- she would drive her-- she had 9/11. Have you ever tried to reconnect with her? No, but I still am on Facebook. I'm on Facebook friends with a couple of those people from that. Oh, come on. You got to find her. Yeah, she was beautiful, beautiful girl. And she was the youngest-- I forgot. I think she was missing. Track her down, man. I think her name was Missy. We'll look her up after. We'll look her up after. And you get a-- I bet you could easily get her email. I don't think she remember me, probably. Do you were her friend? You rode in her car? Yeah, I did. How long ago was this? This is-- boy, this is long time ago. This is-- 30 years ago? No, that's not long ago. That's 24 years ago. 24 years ago is nothing. That's nothing. It's going to be-- But she was rich from that show. Oh, absolutely. All she was was the baby on that fucking show. Yeah, but she was in the-- she hit the sweet spot when that show was syndicated forever. I mean, she's still making money off that show. Yeah, I bet she is, yeah. Maybe she's single. I'm going to-- I'm going to do my best to make this happen. I'm going to help. All right. All right. We're making things happen. Did you even watch Little House in the Prairie, then? I didn't like Little House in the Prairie. Yeah, I never watched it. There was an episode where a mime rapes one of the daughters. Oh, my god. It's terrifying. It's one of the most terrifying things I've ever seen. What? Yeah, yeah. Look up mime rape Little House in the Prairie, and you will be absolutely shocked. Raped by a mime is going to be one of the worst. It sounds like-- if someone told me that the most high-grossing film in Japan was called Raped by a Mime, I would be like, I don't question that that's true. Oh, my god. Yeah. So you went with that at 8 o'clock. I would have had a tough call here. Normally, I would have gone with The Master that year, which was a leave-in cleave show about A Ninja, which is probably more famous now. They packaged some of the episodes together under the-- Oh, is this a comedy? No. No. It was an action show. It's taking a different-- They packaged some of the episodes under the name Master Ninja for two movies that were on Mystery Science Theater 3,000 later. This is a network show. This is a network show. It was the master, and it started Tim Van Patten. And leave-in cleave as a ninja. And Master Ninja 1 and 2, most people have seen it as Mystery Science Theater 3,000 movies now, which you can still see. Tim Van Patten is the good-looking young Van Patten. He was sort of the brash, like, hey, I'm kind of the one who was just kind of a d-- Yeah. Amiable dope. Didn't he end up hosting poker shows on the show? He may have, he very well may have. Because you had Vincent Van Patten, who was in more dramatic stuff. I think Vincent Van Patten was the one who was in rockin' old high school. And Tim Van Patten was in Class of '84, where he was the villain. Oh, OK, got you. With Perry-- what's his name? Perry King from Ripney. Right, he's in Class of 1984. With, actually, Michael J. Fox's first role. He gets murdered by Timothy Van Patten in Class of 1984. I call him Tim. What's called Tim Van Patten? Tim Van Patten, a little more than that. I just call him the VP. There you go, Tim Van Patten. Everyone in the VP. VP, VP, VP. I'm down with TV, VP. But my absolute pick would have been the magic of David Copperfield. I actually-- yeah, that's probably what I would have picked at this point. But I just-- I don't know. Listen to how great this is. OK, let's hear it. Right from the first two words, you're going to regret your choice. OK. Ricardo Montobot is the host of this show in which the magician attempts illusion on the grand scale, levitating above the Grand Canyon with just a little help from singer Bonnie Tyler. No way. Yep, yep, no way. Copperfield also stages, quote, "History's most dangerous escape while immersed in a tank he attempts to free himself from bindings while a spike set on a timer hovers above him like the sword of Damocles. In other feats, he dissects a giraffe with a laser beam and reassembles the beast." Hey, you know, you know, Steve Cridofer, right? He-- I think he opens for-- he went to-- do you ever tell you his debut? I think he just, like, still goes out there for you. Oh, I've heard that David Copperfield is an absolute abject prick. Oh, no, I think that-- I've heard nothing but bad-- Oh, I think Cridofer said he was great. He went out there for, like, a week. He let him into his house. And who else are the big magicians in the-- Lance Burton? No, in a big LA. No, I think it's Copperfield. I think he said Copperfield is a really good guy. Copperfield, I've heard awful things about Copperfield. You'd think he looks like an awful guy. But from very reputable people, I've heard awful things about it. Yeah. Well, Cridofer, our favorite magician, one of the best. It's very good. Awesome Tuesday night magician at the Pecomity Studio. He is-- yeah, he's told me-- But some famous comedians have told me some first-hand occurrence of-- Oh, terrible things about David Copperfield. Things that caught David Copperfield is done. He was also sued for sexual harassment a few times. Oh, of course he was. He has this move where he flies women at this island and then tries to-- Oh, yeah, that's the trussment. If you can have an island, then that should-- Yeah, it's a pretty good one. --polic my private rape island. Yeah, I mean, I don't think any woman who accepts an invitation to your private island should be surprised that you're going to try to dissect them with your laser beam. Yeah, you should not be. Make them reassemble your beast. There you go. There you go. Riccardo Montoban and Bonnie Tyler. Bonnie Tyler, ooh. What a night. Good stuff. Benton that night just for the plot of Benson, because it's too funny not to read. OK. An insufferably competent and wise-cracking robot brought in as a publicity gimmick is soon the bane of Benson's existence and the target of a murderous plot. Wow. Yeah. Shows tend to get more ridiculous as they go on, and this was about a wise-cracking robot who someone's trying to murder. Like, we're so post-modern nowadays. We're thinking about story continuity and bottle episodes and all that other shit that they talk about in the AB club. But back then, they were just like, I'm going to throw us some robot shit at the wall. And see what happens. If I told you this was the plot of a show now, you'd be like, oh, that must be an adult swim show. Yeah, exactly. And it would probably be great. Yeah. Wow. Wow. That's amazing. 8.30. I'm assuming you went with Webster. Dude, I've got to go with Webster. Yeah, well, he's a great guy. You've met him, Manny. Yeah, not Manny. Terrific dude. This episode, when Webster's formerly overweight babysitter comes for a visit, Kathryn soon realizes that the now gorgeous aspiring sportscaster wants more than career advice from George. Oh, oh. Yeah, there was a lot of people trying to seduce George or ma'am on that show. Yeah, ma'am, not a particularly good looking woman, too. She was. She just had an unflattering haircut. Oh, really? Was that it? That was it. She definitely had that thing going on there. She's pretty-- had a bad haircut. Yeah. That was it. Yeah. Married to Alex Karis in real life? Oh, yeah. Who died a couple years ago, right? He did. He did. Yeah. He died. He had some brain trauma from that. The football. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He did. So that was the move there. There's really the only thing you could watch. Then there's nothing really else on except for Wall Street Week. No way. Yes. He could have watched Superbook, but I think Webster was the right move. Nice. 9 p.m. There's the last hour, the last night. Gotta do it. TV's greatest censored bloopers. Yes. So this is the big Friday night wand you got. Dick Clark and Ed McMahon, Ed McMahon from-- Of course. From Lowell Mass, of course. Oh, is he really? Absolutely. Once you know that, you don't know how you didn't know it. Have you read anything about Carson at all? Have you read any biographies? He was a complete asshole. Yeah, he was kind of a total-- He was a real piece of shit. Yeah, he was. Ed McMahon? Great. Yeah, he seemed good. Everything that people joke about Ed McMahon being Carson actually was. Yeah, I guess sure. Ed McMahon, like when I go to a donut shop in Soggis, Mass, there's like five Ed McMahon sitting there. The guys who look and talk and act exactly like Ed McMahon, and I'm like, this is-- Ed McMahon, this would have been him if he didn't become a big star. I love him. Dick Clark and Ed McMahon present a compendium of gaffes involving people, pets and products and TV ads. This is commercial specific, this one. Among those seen in the Kinescope films and videotapes from the live TV era, to the present are Art Link letter, Don Adams, Florence Henderson, Willard Scott, Arnold Palmer, Bill Cosby, Terri Gar, Johnny Carson and Reggie Jackson. Also cameos by John Masita Jr., Mean Joe Green, Dick Cabot and Phyllis Diller. How do you-- That's a cavalcade. Here's everything you can want in a show. Look at those things. Mean Joe Green on top of it all. But here's the only bad part out. You could have set yourself up for a huge disappointment. Why? Because parenthetically, after the description, TV Guide says, at press time, there was a possibility that NBC would air a movie in this time slot. Oh no! So you could be like, oh, I really-- it's good that they warn you. But you could be so psyched for this and then they're air in a movie instead. Yep. That's tough. But I think that was a good move. There wasn't really much else to watch. You had Dallas. You had masquerade. A lot of sort of boring adult shows. I think you made the good move. At 9.30, my Python was on on PBS. Yep. That was really the only thing. That wasn't-- I didn't grow up on that. I wasn't-- I always kind of looked at that for a little bit and I wasn't quite on board with it. I still struggled with it a little. I like to recognize that it's brilliant. Yeah. I liked it. I preferred the movies. I was more of a young ones fan. That was my thing. I mean, I watched the young ones at this time when MTV aired it and I love the young ones. I love it. So El Park, that is the week. I think you made some balance-- And what a week it was. It was a pretty good week. A few things I disagreed on, but a few things you got right. Now, for people who pick a TV guide-- years as you picked was 84. For people who picked a TV guide prior to 1987, there were no cheers and cheers. It was before TV guide really started cheering and cheering. So normally what I do when they pick one later is we review the cheers and cheers. See if you agree with them. However, since there isn't any in this week, I like you to have a cheer and have a cheer for that week if you had to have one. What would you do? What do you mean a cheer and a cheer for that week? So a cheer would be like, "Hey, TV, here's the best thing you did that week. Good job." Okay. And a cheer would be like, "Fuck you." Well, that episode of Benson is my cheer for the week. Or it's preempting TV's greatest sensor bloopers. I would have gone with that for the cheer. My cheer for the week is that episode of Benson. Oh, interesting. So bad, it's good. Yeah. You're trying to say. Yeah. A robot? Yeah. Robert Guillaume. TV's Benson. That's right. I do want to seek out a.k.a. Pablo now. I have a couple episodes to see how bad it is. Yeah. Well, let's check out a.k.a. Pablo. I'm very interested to see what that ended up being. All right. Al Park, we're going to go watch a.k.a. Pablo. Thank you for being on the TV guidance counselor. I appreciate you taking the time. And we'll talk to you later. Thanks so much, Ken Reed. That was Al Park on TV guidance counselor. You can check out Al at alparkcomedy.com. Definitely go check him out. Watch his clips online. He's very funny. And if he's coming to your town, definitely go see him. You can also reach me at Ken@icamery.com. You can see all my dates. You can come see a show. You can shoot me an email. And let me know what you think of the show. If you have questions about television or anything else, I can attempt to answer it. I don't know if you want me to. And check it back right here next Wednesday, when a new episode of TV guidance counselor comes out. Thank you for listening. And we'll see you next week. [MUSIC PLAYING]