DumTeeDum - A show about BBC Radio's 'The Archers'

Dum Tee Dum Episode 83 – A nice short show with Kate Unwin

Lucy revealed she will be coming to the DTD “dinner” in a blouse and nothing else apparently. Reports awaited. There may still be opportunities to join the party. Lucy has abandoned double entendres in favour of single ones – dumbing down for the masses!

Kate Unwin is a new listener and first time callerinerer who phoned in because Roifield had told her to do so – the power he wields! She knows Annabelle Dowler having worked with her and Kate has also been appointed as a new member of Roifield’s wonder women! Lucy also has a new member of her posse. Scruff is haunting Angus Haggis, whilst Witherspoon and everyone else is glad that Jill is returning to Brookfield given the poor writing over the ineptitude of the Brookfield residents to undertake any housework ever.

Mark my words there will be Grundies at Bridge Farm by the New Year when the Sterlings decide not to return from Italy. Deborah predicted this as a tweet but I don’t think Oliver will die – because he has children who would inherit the farm; so they will be tenants.

Why has everyone forgotten that the Bridge Farm brand name has been dead ever since Clarrie’s e-coli outbreak? It is all called Ambridge Organics now – so it has to be the Ambridge Tea Room!

And if you have Skype you can now call in to the podcast although Roifield thinks that the cache will clear and Speakpipe will work again soon.

Kosmo

This weeks Callerinerers

Kate Unwin who does what she’s told

Witherspoon and Angus Haggis who’s being haunted by Scruff

JoJo sexy Heels who has strong words for Ruth

Andrew Horn who’s glad Jill’s back

and Goddess Deeva’s back!

The post Dum Tee Dum Episode 83 – A nice short show with Kate Unwin appeared first on DumTeeDum.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Duration:: 52m
Broadcast on:: 09 Nov 2015
Audio Format:: other

(light music) - This podcast is a Royfield Brown production. Find others on iTunes. (upbeat music) - All right. (upbeat music) - At Bridge Farm Cafe, we always use Sarah Smith cloths. When I was at Brookfield, they only have those nasty blue and white ones, but these are vintage. Like our furniture, balance sets, I have to call our cakes vintage, not style. Sarah Smith, for the posture washer. (singing in foreign language) - Hello, you might recognize my voice as the long departed and rather missed Nigel in the arches. Well, I, Grand Seed, will be joining Royfield Lucy and hopefully you, for dinner and drinks at the Portland Pub, 51 Upper Berkeley Street, Madubon, London W1H7QW from 8 p.m. on Saturday, November the 14th. Dinner is priced at an excellent 35 pounds for three courses plus a two pound booking fee. So, if you would like to meet other archer fans and me, head over to dumpedydown.com and book you place now. Oh, I'll be the one in the gorilla suit. (buzzer) - The AC's done to be done to show out the reality of the drama that's centered on Ambridge in the heart, the Midlands on the upgraded keepers, coffees at his Royfield Brown and with me. I have the eviction notice that is - Lucy Freeman. - And the last part of our rural housing crisis focus is, yeah, now today's done to be done is a repeat from jazz, Scatman, Curly Sanderson, who could well be coming to the dumpy dump dinner this week because I don't think that Curly Sanderson is jazz, Scatman's real name. So you never know. - No, who is this? - I've no idea, I don't know. It could be Dizzy Gillespie's ghost. (laughing) No, he paid a trumpet or something like Dizzy Gillespie. - Yeah. - It could be all net cold note. He played something else. It could be either, no, but I don't know who it is, but whoever it is, your buddy funny, it was awesome. And if you are in London, if you are coming, you'll have to out yourself, sir. - Yep. - So you've got your dress all sorted, you've got your app, it's sorted for the next week, have you, Lucy? - Yes, is it, am I wearing a dress? Is it a house party, is it? - Okay, your blouse. - The blouse, yes, nice blouse, yes, I will be wearing my blouse. - Your outfit. (laughing) - Is that all sorted? - I won't give it a second of thought until I leave the house, I wouldn't imagine. But anyway, I'm sure you have. Have you got something elaborate? - No, I haven't actually. - No, I haven't given it a moment's thought until I just said to you, if you got your blouse sorted, love. (laughing) - One, though, is the short answer. - But I'll tell you what, I'll tell you who's excited about coming. Rachel told church. - Is she? - Yes, I'm getting, as we speak, I'm getting notifications of flashing up, saying that she's commenting about coming. - Ah, excellent. - Yeah, Rachel told her, sorry. Yeah, so she's excited, I'm excited, you're excited. We're all excited. Now, you've got a matter of days, folks, to book your places. Now, there is going to be limited space for folk to come along and just have a bit of a boozy drink with us. 'Cause Angela Barnes is going to come and have a drink. - Ah! - So, if you want to just turn up, you can't eat, you will be no eating our scram, but you can have a little bit of a drink, rub shoulders with Graham and Lucy, and see what blouse you decided to wear. (laughing) These Saturday coming folks, the Portman, 8 o'clock, Marla Bone, get yourself down there. However, if you want a meal, there are, I think, four more meal places, so go on to www.com and do the right thing. Now, Lucy. - Yes, sorry, had to drink me a drink. - Me drink, then, sorry. (clearing throat) - All right, okay. If you want to remind our listeners, how then will the accolade have done the dumb of the week and see if they can top curling? - Yes, if you would like to sing us a dumb to dumb, give us a plot prediction or cash in your life insurance. Ring us on 02030 313105. We'll leave us a message on Speak, Pipe, or Skype. But we'll talk about that later. Thanks to lovely chamfridges for her amazing voices, to Cosmo for his podcast, Round Ups, and to Sarah Smith for sponsoring us. Thank you also to Derek for learning the back bedroom. He's been helping up at home farm. Jennifer likes an open fire, and as she said last week, but as he gets older, Brian finds it harder to get wood. (laughing) - You've got super filthy, you. - Ha, super filthy. Now, you kind of somewhat preempted this. Speak, Pipe, update. I've found an alternative, folks, and it's been staring us in the face of weeks. It's called Skype. - Yes, folks, to call into the show if you are having issues with blasted Speak, Pipe, just go on to Skype, search for dumb teedum, one word, and then call us. It is as simple as that. - And it works, because JJ is texting, he always did it. - Yay! - Now, Lucy, an all-spicious day is today, November the 9th. - Why? - It's only Archie's skip writer, Uncle God, Kerry Davis, his birthday. - Today? - Yes. - Hurrah, I know, actually, I know, 'cause I've just texted him to say happy birthday. (laughing) Happy birthday, Kerry, and we bless all the sailing. - Yes. - Now, on this sweet show, we have calls from Kate Unwin, who does it, she's told, with a spoon and Angus Haggis, who's been haunted by his gruff, Jo-Jo sexy heels, as we said before, through our strong words for Ruth, Andrew Horn, who's glad that Jill is back, and Goddess Deaver, who's also back. - Yay! - But first, before the steady on the chair, they're left first, before all the cooler rinderers, and Millie Bell, and the outro. It's Lucy V, Freeman, and a week in Cambridge. (upbeat music) - This week, was sponsored by people who flatly refused to count their blessings, but moaned about having to live in the picturesque home of his employer while his own home is done up. Jill was kept awake with the horror of having to sleep in a gigantic room of a stately home with her loving daughter. Jo had a lovely winge about having to stay in a five-star hotel for nothing, and Ruth cried when she inherited half a million quid. Oh, the privation! Eddie is all of a sudden. Jolly keen on seeing calendar girls, now he's realized he gets to see Lizzie in the nip. As he's the only one left in the village who hasn't, it is his turn, to be fair. Susan is wibbling on about character development and motivation, and we all know the whole point of the whole calendar girls thing, is that we get to have a good old sneaker at Susan getting her knockers out, while Neil goes, (clears throat) a lot, and there's a lot of uncomfortable jokes about exposure when Robert takes the pictures. Over at Brookers, they were still winching away about starving to death and not having any clean pants, but we don't understand how Grant took food out of the cold thing and put it in the hot thing, and then we ate it, and we are throwing our pants on the floor, but somehow they are not appearing back in our drawer again clean and folded. We don't understand who is doing the magic, so they all trotted off to the ball for pizza. Then, wished they hadn't. When Kenton greeted all by announcing his decision to build a towering inferno on the green to cheer everyone up by burning the village down. It was Kenton and Jolene's cotton anniversary, so Jolene got Kenton a pack of tissues, and he got her name written on his arse, classy. The fair brethren got completely carried away about a meeting with Adam and the possibility of share farming. "It's like getting the golden ticket," said Rex, excitedly sounding like Charlie Bucket. So after they went to the chocolate factory to see Adam or Willy Wanker, Rex had created CVs for them that could have won the Man Booker Prize for fiction, describing Toby as the greatest cattle expert the world has ever seen, and who was indeed himself part Bullock. It rapidly transpired that Rex thought that cows were sheep without their coats on, they had no loan and no idea. And even a Hello Clouds Hello Tree sort of businessman like Adam could see that they had all the business acumen of Ed Grundy. So he has approached Pip instead, who is now going to become a share farmer in the five minutes she has spare to be laying roads, milking cows and writing business plans. No doubt she will be assailed by guilt and Rex and try and weedle the fair brethren into this arrangement somehow. Pip is obsessed with the fair brethren and is suffering a cute mentionitis. "Hello Dad, oh that's funny." I said, "Hello to Toby Fairbrough the last time I saw him." Isn't that funny Dad? Rex Fairbrough is funny too, Dad. "Hello Mom, I was just saying to Dad that the fair brothers use the word hello too." That village really, really needs to get some more people of Pip's age in it before the poor girl goes completely potty. Jimus says that all this winching Hootie Jill has been doing is because of Joe putting the willies up her. I'm glad to hear, he's still got it in him or in Jill maybe, he's 94 you know. Anyway, Jimus says the uncanny events are messages from Jill's own unhappy subconscious. Her conscious isn't exactly a bundle of laughs either to be honest Jim. Adam and Charlie had a funny evening at the fireworks, quite what they found so hilarious I don't know but every time there was a crackling in a bang and they were doing pantomime laughing, ah ha ha ha ha, maybe they've both gone mad. Charlie who's entire career has been ruined by cows who made the foolish decision to view putrefying dog pelvis as lunch and Adam. I used to have a husband once who know Charlie, ah ha ha ha ha, I never see him now and neither does his best friend or anyone else and he works constant night shifts in an empty hotel which has a staff of 5,000 solely employed to look after the grundies, ha ha ha ha. I imagine gay gravels like the shining in winter with Eddie and Joe tricycling round the empty halls saying play with us Ian. In the meantime, Susan was chucking Henry on the bonfire which obviously went down a cup of cold sick with Rob. However, things perked up no end at Brookers after Ruth discovered that. I mean, although I was minted, it doesn't matter about the money Ruth, it's your mother that's important, loves said David elbowing her out of the way so we could leaf through the BMW catalog and order a platinum silage clamp. So what Ruth realized she really needed wasn't half a million quid, but a woman for whom the day is not complete unless she's done 14 nodes of washing and baked a pie for every meal. So off she went to see Lower Locksley if Jill would come back at sodding last. She found Jill sitting on top of a pile of luggage looking hopeful with her elbow resting casually on her writing desk. So Jill will return to Brookers, brush the cobwebs off the washing machine and get some pies on. And then in a shock surprise that nearly all of us saw coming, the slithine with her customary philanthropy and kindnessless spirit has boosted the grundies out of keepers in a cloud of turkey feathers. As if she was ever going to be fitting granite work tops and Tuscan floor tiles for Joe to dribble ferret over. So that's that. "It's our Anna Saribilis," said Joe. And Hazel woolly is the biggest Anna's of the lot. The end. - Joe didn't say that. - No, he didn't. - He didn't. - He did say Anna Saribilis. He said, "Like the Queen said that year, "it's our Anna Saribilis," said Joe. (laughing) - She's drunk doing that, actually. I don't know how he does that so often. - I enjoyed that this week. - Good. - Yeah. - Good. - I like the way you ended with two references to who you went from Anna's Latin for year to a reference to Anna's. - To but, (laughing) wasn't so much a reference as the thing, really. I've given up Joe and Jubal on Tondres now, I just do single ones. It's quicker. - Well done, it was that, it was a triumph, Lucy. - Splendid. - Now, shall we just crack on with calls? - Yes, why not? - Smashing. (phone ringing) - Hello, ambridge 3962. - Hello, Kate and one here. I'm a first-time caller in a row and new obsessed fan. And I got a name check in the last podcast which was pretty exciting moment, I've got to tell you. I'm a sets and costume theatre designer, installation designer, so I'm doubting I'm gonna have much expertise about anything apart from us. They took about some scenery in the Christmas show, so fingers crossed for that. So my art just came to fame is that I designed a show that had Kirsty in it, actress Annabelle Dalla, so that's pretty exciting. It was about 10 years ago and I still text her every now and then about Kirsty, like some sort of stalker. And she's as lovely in real life as she is amazing in the arches, so fingers crossed, she's gonna save the day soon, 'cause I can't bear it. Yeah, I just thought I'd call in really 'cause I felt told me to. Yeah, hopefully I'll have more insightful things to say about the arches at some point in the future. Anyway, that's it, I'm still really excited that you said my name. Yeah, yeah, I think I better go. Okay, bye. - Well, we have Kate Unwin, who is the world's most over-enthusiastic fan. - No, she's not over-enthusiastic, she's got just about the right amount of- - She rang in because you told her to, which was very sweet. She said I haven't got anything to say, but right now told me to ring in. - You know, and you just take to a listener and you wanna hold them close. - Yes. - Yes. - I'm getting that feeling with Kate. - Bring on the restraining orders, he's off again. Yes, we think Annabelle Dalla is lovely as well. She came to our awards thing last year and she was fabulous. And I remember talking to goddess Diva and Annabelle Dalla came in and she's got such an amazing voice, such a distinctive voice. And she spotted somebody she knew and said, "Oh hello, so, and so how are you?" And chat to goddess Diva was talking to me and suddenly went, "Oh, that's Kirsty." And it was- Yes, she's great. So, Royfield, do you now have somebody to do all your bidding? She can be your PA maybe, Kate. - Awesome. Kate, you are most welcome to not only be my PA, but to join the Wonder Women. That and I mentioned recently that I was Wonder Women. I was thinking of retiring them. - I don't think you could retire them. I think they retire you. - Oh yeah, well, whatever. - I've got a new member of my thing. - Have you? - Yes, Captain Kev said he wants to be in my posse. I think that's what he said anyway. - I'm zoning out, but go on. - Why are you zoning out? - Talk about your bloody fans and followers. But go on, Captain Kev, who is- - No, you've got the, you've got the Wonder Women and I've got my posse. And he said he wanted to be in my posse. I think that's what he said anyway. (laughing) - He did. - Let's hope he said that. - Yeah. - And nothing else. - No. - All right, and we've got another call. - With a spoon. ♪ Hey baby, I hear the blues are calling ♪ ♪ To salads and scrambled eggs ♪ ♪ Mercy ♪ - Greetings, Lucy, Royfield, and all dumb tea dimmers around the world. It's Witherspoon and Angus Haggis here. Angus has been having trouble sleeping all this week. No, it's not Julius Ghost haunting him, but visitations from Scruff's Pelvis. Two clarifications about things I said last week. First, when I concluded that Rob wasn't gaslighting Helen, I meant it in the most extreme way. That he didn't want to send her to her grave or to a psychiatric hospital. But he's been so awfully controlling and manipulative this week. I agree with Lucy. When he and Helen speak, I cringe, and am tempted to fast forward the podcast past their conversation or to step into the world of amberge and punch him in the nose. As the lovely Emily Thomas queried last week, where is Ian when you need him? And frankly, I think I'm as tired of Helen's self-flagellation as I am of Rob's evil doing. We've been speculating that this will all reach a climax and be resolved by the new year. I join everyone in pleading with the powers that be to make sure it happens. My speculation, Helen has a miscarriage. Rob blames her and reacts violently, so much so that she cannot hide her injuries from others. We'll see. Second, apologies to Lucy. I didn't mean to imply that the archer boys shouldn't learn to cook. In fact, I could certainly make some rudimentary meals when I was their age, and I definitely knew how to use the washer and dryer. So I blame Ruth and David for not teaching them these basic survival skills. I was focusing my ire on Pip, who had been wasting her time on preparing the business plan for the fair brethren. Or so we thought it was a waste of time. I held my breath when Adam was interviewing them and was happily shocked when he actually said no to them. Now let's see how she handles breaking the news to them and resists snake-like Toby's attempts to wiggle back into the business picture. Another thought about Ruth. As I have said previously, I empathize with her sadness, but I have little patience for taking her grief out on David. Damn it, Ruth, it's only a sweater. And gee, with the money from the insurance and the sale of your mother's house, you can build a nice extension onto your own abode and buy a new machine thigamid jig that does whatever it does with the feed. Finally, Hazel Willy has pulled the welcome rug out from the Grundies. Two months to change her mind. Maybe she'll have a Christmas Eve visitation from ghosts in the form of Joe Grundy, Peggy Willy and Jack Willy. She'll awaken to buy a turkey from the Grundies and then send it back to them. One can only hope, after all, as some of you know, I'm a big fan of love, actually. Now that Halloween is over, we're looking forward to the holidays. Angus has put in his request for me to purchase some new world foul, rather than goose. Gotta check the Grundy website to see if I can request and overseas delivery. So we'll sign off for this week. (upbeat music) ♪ Hey baby, I hear the blues are calling ♪ ♪ To salads and scrambled eggs ♪ ♪ Mercy ♪ Poor Angus is being haunted by Scruff's pelvis. Oh, it's happened to all of us with a spoon. We've been haunted by pelvis. I completely agree with your prediction. We've had a couple of really good predictions this week, actually. Helen has a miscarriage and Rob blames her. I don't understand why Pip's gone so completely bonkers about the fair button. I do genuinely think it's because there is nothing else happening. She hasn't got any time to have a social life. She's kind of just stuck with them because there isn't anybody else. And so they've become, they've assumed an importance in her life that really is completely unwarranted just because there's nobody else to feel it, really. It's tragic. She really, really needs to get a life/shag/boyfriend. Immediately. Oh yeah, I'm very glad that this blooming is Jill coming back as she does it. 'Cause it's just getting ridiculous, this total. Well, it was never easy coming back. It was always a man when, yeah. But is this, you know, that we're supposed to feel some sort of sympathy, are we? For an entire family who's incapable of putting a load on a washing machine and switching it on, you just think, oh, grow up. Anyway, so I'm very glad that Jill is back, back where she's supposed to be. Nobody's actually mentioned it to Elizabeth yet, have they? That she's leaving. But Elizabeth did say, within, I don't think, I don't think Heather was even cold before Jill stopped, before Elizabeth started saying, if you do want to go back, we won't mind. That was absolutely dreadful. But this whole thing of them being so inept, looking after themselves is so. It's just pathetic. In stark contrast to the deafness of the writing of Robin Helen. Yeah, yeah. Oh, we can't feed her. Oh, everything's a mess. I can't find my keys. My pet, it's like, oh, come on. Everything, you know, it's just, but you made that point in your monologue. It's just pathetic. But I love me some Hootie Jill, and I'm glad that she's going back. Greetings Earthlings, Andrew Horn here. I hope you can hear this through my cold. Just a couple of points I'd like to mention first is, I enjoyed Ruth going to see Jill and actually relying on her for some emotional support, as well as just obviously wanting her back as chief cook cleaner and bottle washer. I thought that was a, that was a nice touch. And the other point I wanted to bring out was about Rob, now, there's all the usual stuff, but I thought the very clever bit occasionally, he has good ideas that are valid. So the whole Ambridge t-shop, Bridge Farm Cafe, it did deserve some discussion and some thought, but then he reverts to type, he bullies Helen in front of the others, and then when she feels pressurized and makes a decision, he then starts sulking and throwing a proper stop and further bullying at home. But I did think, you know, they are giving him glimpses of still of goodness. Anyway, that's it, sorry, it's not very coherent and speak to you soon, bye. - Andrew Horn, who sounds very ill, go and have a lie down, Andrew. But they have to give Rob glimpses of goodness, but as you said, because otherwise, you know, Pat wouldn't be taken in, Tony wouldn't be taken in, you know, so far it's only really Kirsty and Fallon, who have sort of are getting suspicious. Thank the Lord, I don't, where is Tony probably playing widow Twanki in Exeter or something, isn't he? - So, yeah, and it was nice to hear Ruth and Jill, you know, there is somebody around Ruth who understands, 'cause David is a bit bloody useless, really, isn't he? He's hardly the world's most empathic. He's sort of, he's sort of selfish, in a way, in that he just thinks about the farm. He can't get really any further than the farm. So when his daughter's graduating, he's just taking calls from the milking machine engineer and all that sort of thing. - I was a little bit surprised by that, 'cause I know he's kind of monofocused on the farm, but he does love his family and he's totally appreciative of it and her efforts at uni because she turned out to be an absolutely top farmer so far. - But he was, he sort of interested in it because it will benefit him and the farm. I don't mean just him, I don't mean in a purely selfish way. He doesn't see it as selfish at all, but he just sees everything about the longevity and the success of the farm. And he wasn't very happy when she suggested going off to go and be a farmer and, you know, go and go and-- - Go to Brazil. - Yeah, where the nuts come from. I think it is primarily his focus is the farm and everything gets sort of put through that filter. So everything is oh good, well, that means that you can benefit it in that way and that, you know, because it's all about the inheritance and all the rest of it. - Listen, you know what, I hear you. Wouldn't it be awful to have your future mapped out to that extent? - Like the queen. - Yeah, to just know, you know, wonder people go berserk and just run off into the jungle and never come back. When they've got that, you'd like, you know, inheriting a title or, you know, some crumbling old, a stately home that you don't want, really, but you have to. - That you're using the wrong analogies to get me to be sympathetic. - Sorry. - But, you know, I-- - This is awful. (laughs) - The title's inherited, you know, a thousand-year-old title and lots of land and money. - The thing is that there's never any money. It's huge amounts of money being spent on-- - The West means there's got a title and they're known to half a month. - Yeah, no, of course. But I mean, if you're like the impoverished aristocracy, then you have got a title, which means Jack to most people, and you've got some crumbling thing, which English heritage and everybody, you know, will fight you tooth and nail if you let it fall into disrepair. But at the same time, it costs you a bleeding fortune to keep repairing the thing because it is literally collapsing. - Let me see. - Let's see. Right. If life is going to throw problems, (laughs) if that problem might be then like, start poverty. So I kind of hear what you're saying. - I do not agree with one scintilla. - Oh, okay. Yes, maybe I'm, yeah. - Yeah, no. (laughs) That's not even a first world problem. That is like the 1% of the 1% problem, and it's not a problem, is it? - No, I'm thinking of setting up a support group. I am. (laughs) Yes. - Hmm. - Okay, I'll shut up. God, that's diva. That's from the ridiculous to the sublime, the other way around. - Do you both have any sympathy for those poor aristocrats? - No, I know she works. - There's no, you know, you were just like trying to get to be sympathetic for all of you. - I know. - God is diva here, and I've been away for a little while. I've been doing things like job applications and campaigning for my council seat and learning Korean. So, and you're going to have to say, oh, dump your dump. I want you to talk unsurprisingly about Robin Helen. He's an evil bastard and he needs to die. And I'm going to do one, I'm going to give it a Roy Field and say to the script writers because they've started putting doubt in people's minds again. There is that whole part of him, which is really, really blatant. And we can see it that he's gaslighting her, he's emotionally abusing her. But then there is also that part that thinks, well, she's pregnant and needs looking after. Well, do you know what? Fuck that noise. Absolutely shove it up its own asshole because she is a healthy woman having a healthy pregnancy. And the idea that you have to be wrapped up and caught more than nine months is outdated, patriarchal bullshit. I'm not having it. The fact that she's feeling a bit fragile is because he keeps doing the swapping and changing of moods and completely throwing her off. That whole, you undermined me, I'm not going to talk to you slam the door. And then the next time all sweetness and light, it's just awful. And it's textbook, it's textbook manipulation, textbook gaslighting, textbook abusive behaviour. To be honest, I need him to die quite quickly now. The people who on Twitter who are entitled to their own opinion, even if it isn't the same as mine, obviously they're wrong if it isn't the same as mine, but they're entitled to it nonetheless. People are like, actually this would go on for years and years. That's one thing, but I would like it wrapped up before Christmas plays for this reason. And this reason only, I'm not sure I can keep listening if it keeps carrying on. I know that at all this and less as well has been struggling and there are a group of us now from the Dunte Dumbers who are almost like a support group virtually holding each other's hands while this all goes on. And we know it's happening, it needs to end now. And to be honest, I'd quite like Rob to have gone to the pub accidentally in a bit of dead squap hell this and got Clostridium botulinum, which sounds fantastic, doesn't it? If you don't know what it is, it just sounds incredible. It sounds like somebody would go on holiday and they're like, oh, are we going this year? I'm going to Clostridium botulinum, sounds lovely. What's weather like? Don't like the food though, sorry, I'm rambling. Have a brilliant weekend, next weekend. I kind of wish I could be with you, but as I said, applying for jobs. Have an interview on Tuesday, but not in time to come to London and meet you all. But I'm sending all my love and all my hugs a few titchen of mustiles into the next. All right. She is looking for a job at the moment. Please give Gonna Steve a job. And she's got her council seat. She is standing for her area. She's standing on a dumpty-dum ticket. She's going for Saturday Archer's episodes, home for the grundies and enforced castration for Rex Fair brother. Did you see there was a bit in the times this weekend, I think, about people finding the titchen of storyline too hard to listen to. And they were talking, there was a piece about you, the arches fans go into rebellion over the titchen storyline. But it all seems to be a bit circumstantial because the viewing, there's been no drop off in listening figures. I don't, I think it's kind of about even going up slightly, but that could be sort of new listeners starting who are replacing the old guard who can't bear to listen to it. But it's called the Rayjar figures or the listening figures. I think they were for, they're usually about, I think they're about sort of six months behind. So whether or not that will have any bearing. I think, I don't know. - I don't think they're that much behind. - Are they not? - I didn't think it was six. - Maybe the old technology, it was a long time. I suppose now it's all true DAB and stuff. It's much easier to track. But yes, and I know we've had a lot of people on the forum saying I'm just going to have to zone out for a bit. And I talked to somebody the other day who said, "I fast-forward, that they recorded it." And they said, "I fast-forward through those bits." Or I turn it off, if they're in the first scene, then I turn it off and I turn it back on again about form and it's in and when that scene's finished. 'Cause they're finding it too hard. It's like we get the message now, we get it, we get it, we get it, we get what's going on, stop. - Well, we will mention this at the end of the show, but "Blithe Spirit" started a rather good thread on the Dunjum forum. Entire old, loved teacher enough is enough, but we'll come back to that later. What else did the goddess say? - That was it, really? - Oh, okay. Anyway, it's good to have you back, goddess. - Yay. - Hi there, Dunjum. This is Jojo's sexy heels here, phoning in. Just to say, I'm really glad that Ruth had eaten her humble pie and asked Jill to come back. But some years ago, there was a couple of friends of mine and I could always tell when they'd had an argument because of the amount of darlings per minute in the conversation when they spoke to each other. And I was reminded of that today, listening to David. Every time he called Ruth love, it really sounded like under his breath, he was really saying bitch. Because my God, there she is, living in a seven and a half million pound farmhouse, just having inherited half a million. And what she doing, she's still griping and moaning about a jumper getting shrunk. The head and say girl, get into town by yourself, a cashmere one. Anyway, that was it for this week. And hopefully I will catch all of the calls next week instead of this week when I overslept and forgot that the Poppy Day appeal meant that we were going to end up missing the arches. Those of us who've dialed in at 10 o'clock for the only bus. Anyway, be to all soon and hope to see some of you at the Jump to Dump Get Together on Saturday. Okay, bye. - And Jojo's sexy heels. Ruth is this little cow. And she's now a millionaire who's moaning about a jumper. But it's all guilt though, isn't it? It's just, it feels even worse to be rewarded for something that you feel guilty about. - Rewarded that your only family member has died. - Yeah, well, the life insurance and everything. You know, she sort of feels as if she shouldn't have had it. So I think she will probably not give it away, but she'll put it in trust for the children or something like that straight away. - It seems like Pip's gonna get a share cows, whatever the heck they're called. - Yeah. - You know, no fear of that, is there? - No. - No. Yeah, that's it for the calls. - Gosh. - Yes. - Lovely calls, everybody. But I hope next week we get a few more. Now we've got an alternative to Bloody Speak Park being up the fritz. - Yeah. - Yeah. Which is Skype, everybody. - What does Vledeemer say about it? - Vledeemer said, "Knit." (laughing) - Computer says, "Knit." (laughing) - I don't know, dude, this is not working. And oh, I don't know. My guess is that it's all to do with this cashing malarkey. And that slowly but surely it will start to work. 'Cause you know when you go on to web pages and web pages for the most part, you've been to before and you've completely remembered and just dragged on what you had before. I think that's what's going on. And somehow they've not set some kind of cache clear at their end. So people are hitting it and it says, "Right, this is version X, Y, Z of Speak Park." I mean, it connects to their Speak Park that it just doesn't work. It's a cashing issue. But slowly but surely, you know, it will start to work for everybody again. - Do you say cashing? I say cashing. - For you. - Yeah. - Anyway, whatever. So why don't we have a slight break type thing and then come back the other side with a little bit of the old Millie Bell, who's been scaring the book of Face and then when you do hashtag the arches tweets of the week. - It's the story of a cultural superpower that danced and sprinted its way to success. It brought the world reggae, calm power, rasters, hip hop, Bob Marley, much more. It's story is told to you in full color for your podcasting years. It's the story of how Jamaica conquered the world. - Search for it on iTunes. How'd Jamaica conquered the world? It's probably the best least known podcast and podcast on. Search for it today. - My name is Kate. - My name's Joe. - My name's Nicola. - My name is Suzanne Herkimi. - My name is Mary Parkinson. - I'm in Hope House as a client. I have had addiction issues through my past. I was in the collegiate meeting to sort of heroin, crayon, addiction drugs, methadone. - And methadone. - Or maybe because it got really bad. - At long last, a thousand and one conversation is available to download from iTunes and all good podcatchers. - This was a place where women worked to help other women. Hello, just a quickie. Sarah Smith cloths are really useful. If you soak them in gin and make a marvellous Molotov cocktail, if you ever get the desire to burn down a yurt, Sarah Smith for the posh-a-wash-a. - Fancy getting your mouth around something warm? Something comforting, you can really get a firm grip on. Why not buy a dum-dee-dum mug from the shop at dum-dee-dum.com? That was damn lovely. (alarm blaring) (alarm blaring) - G'day everyone, Millie Bell here. I wanted to start when I report this week with just something I noticed from a reference to the timestockco.uk, where they talk about they're talking about what's going on and what's going on in the world. And I'm going to show you how to make a dum-dee-dum mug from the shop at dum-dee-dum.com. Where they talk about, they're talking about Rob Tichner and asking whether he's the most hated man in Britain. The bit of interest with me was fans of The Arches have been piling onto the show's Facebook page to complain about one of the rule dramas, the most despised characters. Which I found really interesting and I couldn't read any further in the article because I'm not a subscriber, but I wondered which page they were talking about because as you and I know, dear listener, there are several. This week on The Arches, I also wanted to congratulate Ambridge Adix because they now have 5,000 members, so well done to Tim Orsop and his team. And we were interested all this week with Rob and Pete Sutton and Ambridge Adix said, Rob's father, Mr Helen, hasn't reached the stage where she can be certain he's a Roman. It's all the kind of stuff she could blame on herself in her state. It will take actual physical force before she knows for sure. Rob's gone to the pub, he's here, known, drinker. And is he drinking a brand of larganone's wife, Peter, or is he too cunning to cross that threshold? Very nice, Pete. Stuart Arendelle was commenting on Sally and Russell's commenting upstairs at the pool saying, "I think Helen knows for a while that she's made "a catastrophic mistake marrying Rob. "She's just too proud and self-centred and good knitted." Ooh, little unkind Helen. I think it's reasonable for her to have doubts. Sally and Russell also in upstairs at the pool said, "I don't fancy Rob's chances in trying to dominate "the two village girls, Fallon and Emma." Now, that is an interesting storyline, and that keeps ticking along. It'd be interesting to see if they do move in in a month. Grain A-fall in Ambridge Adix says, "I'm reading the posts about the Helen Rob's storyline "with interest at the moment, "particularly those who are finding it difficult to listen to, "having spent my whole career in law enforcement, "friendly coming home to the artists who's like relief." As awful as this storyline is, it's very accurate and beautiful written, bravo to the writers and editors here here, say I. And Hayden Simor, in artist's appreciation, says, "Finally, Henry has a proper male role model in dog, "better than his druid for the grandfather, "and there is a chance that Bridge Farm "could make decent profit with Robert the Helm. "Let's hope that he can turn the Tomahocha brand around "and sort the whole family out. "I just hope that Helen realise what a catchy is "and doesn't let Kirstie steal him away." Hmm, Hayden, I think you're being a bit of a stirrer. On our page, we said, "If the grungies have to leave keepers, "where will they go and who will replace them?" And Candida Beeching said, "Oh God, "is it going to be the Fair Brethren, isn't it? "I hope not." And Philip Turinling was concerned about that too. We also asked you whether you've got to be inspired to do something because an Ambridge resident has done it. Jacking Burfos is not really that it's been plenty of times when I didn't do something because an Ambridge resident did. I was invited very recently to join my Kate-like sister-in-law on a well-being weekend, I declined. I am more like Lillian than Kate. (laughs) Oh, we're all pleased to know that. Rachel told her that she had been inspired too. He'd make a chili, cheeky girl. And Judith Lawrence said on a slightly more serious note, "The Rob and Helen Story has led me to reflect "on a friend's relationship from whether there is more to it "than immediately obvious. "I've supported her over some relatively trivial stuff, "but she knows I'm here if she leaves me "and would support her wholeheartedly." And that made me realize that yes, the reason why we all love the artist is because somehow, somewhere along the line, it touches our lives, doesn't it? Whether you've had babies at the same time, there's Ruth or you have teenage children or you have someone who's unwell, it does touch us and that's why we continue to listen to it. So have a great week, everybody. I look forward very much to reading all your comments this week. Who really? - Thank you, Millie. - Thank you. - You know what we should do? - What? - Next year, we should have a whip round, pay for old Millie to jump on a plane and enjoy this. - That's gonna be one hell of a whip round, blimey. - Well, I reckon she has so many admirers that we would say, look, we need to get Millie from Melbourne to London, I reckon we could do it, I reckon we could do it. - Yeah. - Especially as people will be so used to donating on a charitable wife would be done, because of our calendar, which we're gonna do. - Oh, yes. - Mm. - So we have another recruit. - Philippa Davey. - Yes. - She's one of my Tweeter of the Weeks. - Is she? - Tweeter of the Weeks. No, she's not Tweeter. She's in the Tweeter of the Weeks, but she's not Tweeter of the Week, cut. - Can I just say something and-- - Of course. - That Philippa Davey. And Mr. Davey, he's first escapes me. Are they a pair of sauce buckets? - They are, aren't they? - They really are. - Little do monkeys. - They, they, they, they have a healthy goings on, men pay, they pay. (laughing) - If you look at their Tweets, and hold on. (laughing) - I don't know, they've got the energy to Tweet, to be honest. - Wow. You know, that's all I'm saying. (laughing) I advise anybody who wants to see a healthy marriage, it's in action, comes to follow them on Twitter. (laughing) - Well done, Mr. Mrs. Davey. (laughing) - What are you telling us about, yeah, the hashtag we have to tweet at the last seven days. - Grieves E-17, aka Derek Fletcher. Just cleaned the argar with a posh Sarah Smith cloth. Dumpty Dum made me do it, and very shiny it is now too. Then he's put two spaces in the word smeg. (laughing) I think what he means is he hasn't got an argar. He's got a smeg thing. Debra C, now this is not funny, it is an excellent prediction, which made me go, oh, when I read it. It'll, this is about the Grundy's being homeless yet again. It'll all be fine, because Oliver is going to die off camera in Italy and leave Grange Farm to Ed, wouldn't that be lovely? - Well, it is actually what's going to happen. - Do you think? - When he pops his clogs, isn't it? The Grundy's are going to come back into it, and I haven't thought of that, but I don't think he's going to die in tuscany. I don't want Oliver to die. - But what about Caroline? Unless they both, maybe they both die in a Tuscan grape squishing accident, or something. - Oh, God. - Olive. - Well, or when they get-- - They choke on Olive simultaneously. - Let's hope I assist them, put some on their plane when they come back or something. (laughing) - I don't think Ices have started targeting fictional characters yet, I think. (laughing) - I'd love to see Joe talk. - Oh, he's this. (laughing) - Fundamentals? - No. (laughing) - Islam. - Enough of this. - Yes, right. - Lucy Jordan. - If Ruth is going to start feeling herself again, can it happen off her, please? (laughing) - Philippa Davey, the source pot. - Hey, Lucy V. Freeman, I am up for the calendar, an artfully placed dumptiness mug, and an anti-cardboard ginger biscuit, or a dead dog pelvis. I would suggest not the dead dog pelvis, 'cause I think it'd be off-putting. - What did Mr. Davey say about this? She's done this before, or-- - Yes, for the cricket. Plymouth cricket, women's cricket team. - I'm at the Google that. - Mm, googly at it. - Hey. (sighing) - Um, and don't drown it. Is Tweeter the Week? (mimicking) This is about the cow-sharing thing. Pip would be perfect. She stuck her last job for four days. (laughing) Very good, everybody. Carry on. - All right, I will. And I will carry on by saying, go to dum-dum-dum-dum.com where you can buy and read stuff and familiar with fellow dum-dum-dum-dums. Currently, as I said before, there is a rather excellent thread started on a forum by Blive's spirit entitled. - Rob Tichina Enough is Enough, which has great contributions from Samantha Dean, Miss Midsity, Miss Bubbles, Katie King, who range from, "It's too much to, it's so well written." So you too, good listener, should join in. - It is absolutely brilliant. And they have written kind of waking tones there, so it's not like looking at a bunch of tweets. You know, these people have actually sat down and considered. - It's not froth, it's the New Yorker, basically. - Absolutely, absolutely. Or the Atlantic. - Mm. - Or whatever kind of tone has lots of words in it. - Times, literary supplement. - There you go, that's what it is. To have an analogy of this side of the Atlantic. But it's all bloody good stuff. So you too, why don't you join in with that and tell us your thoughts and feelings on the Rob Tichina, Slow Burn storyline. Remember, you can also add your own articles to the site, comment on the shows, and messes each of the listeners and caller inners. Quite simply, all you do is you click on their name, go onto their page, and you message them and say, "I think you're awesome," and you're gonna range dates with them, or whatever funny goes on that you wanna do with them. So you can do that all on www.dumbdumb.com. Lucy, we've got a review in the US iTunes store, which I think you should read out. - Oh, it's a five-starrer from Susie GCG. She says, "This is embarrassing having to read out nice things." This brilliant podcast is the absolute highlight of my week so much so that I listen to a diva when you watch those episodes are available. Lucy's reliably hilarious, "Somewhere of the Week" in Ambridge, Roy Fields drywit their thoughtful repartee, thoughtful, I'm not sure what she's listening to us, and the community of commenters and caller inners, they have nurtured our joy essential listening for any archers fan. Thank you very much, Susie, that is lovely. What's the last thing to say? - That is, it is, it is. And you also, too, good listener, if you haven't written a review for us in iTunes, please go do that because it means that more people listen to the show, and you're not points, mean, points, mean prizes. So, go do that. If you would like to help keep our little ramsavel show on the road there or cut the wave, that can be done. - Go to patreon.com/dumptydub and find us to support the show for $2, or if you want to just donate, you can go to dumptydub.com and hit the donate button on the site to enable me to buy more scented candles to burn while I record on the podcast and set fire to my mic lead, which is what happened last week. - Goodness. Remember to get in contact with us. You can try SpeakPipe on the site. You can also try and call us on 02030310105 to leave us a telephone message. Or now we have Skype bringing up the rear as the third way of which you can kind of leave a voice message for us. Quite simply go onto Skype, type in dumptydub which is just one word and then hit call. You'll hear somebody saying, we're not available, but really we are. You can just leave us a message and then you can get yourself on the show. So, no excuses from here on in folks. Oh, by the way, talking about people with excuses. Dusty tried numerous methods last week to call us and she looked rather lovely on the old book of Face Lucy because it was her daughter's wedding. - Oh. - It was a lovely preserve in there. - 'Cause it all went a bit 'cause the place they were gonna have the wedding out originally burned down. - You're what? - It was a stately home and it caught fire. - Good hands. - And they only had like a couple of-- - Well, that's some tough trying to get his insurance or whatever. They only had a couple of months to find someone new. So, I'm so glad it all went off well. I hope it wasn't that awful day where it chucked it down all day. Did it look rainy? - Well, I don't know if it was rainy because the picture I saw was her and her kids and with a daughter and a new son-in-law indoors, but she's a, she's a handsome and nasty. - She is. - Well done, Dusty. You look lovely, love. - Is she coming up Saturday? - She is. - Woo! - She'll be coming as somebody called Denise Tomlinson. - Don't know her. - No, me either. Yes, but she's coming. And remember, folks, there's only four more spaces left for meals, but you can come along and have a drink. So, get that done. That's Facebook. Oh, if you, if we are on Facebook, can't really see. Simply go to Facebook, whack in, dumb, dumb, dumb, you can find it on there and just like enjoy in the stuff. Or on the Twitter's, we're at dumb, dumb, dumb, or you can tweet me on @royfield. Or me @luciefereman or Sarah Smith @ Sarah_Smith. - You know, I've been thinking Lucy. - What is that for? - You know, you are reliably hilarious. - Yeah. - And I'm somewhat hit and miss. More miss than hit. Well, I was thinking that maybe in a couple of weeks time, I should give Andrew Horn a go. - Oh, I see, yes. Yes, that's why not. Yes, let's give Andrew Horn a go. - Yeah, so he can be me. - Okay. - But I've told him he's under, he cannot show me up by being absolutely excellent. - Right, what's he going for, mediocre? Should I stop him if he starts getting too good? - Well, I've never risen above mediocre on this. - Okay. - So you need to be a couple of shades less than mediocre. - Okay. - I want them to be a classic glamour. - That's what we go for. - Exactly. I want them to be a classic glamour. Oh my god, there's a work build back. But no, Andrew will be doing this, folks, in a couple of weeks, there's a bit of a worn off and best to look to you, sir. 'Cause he's all excited about sliding up next to you and being your one ear pal. - Sitting on the edge of the bed in the back bedroom. Do you think I need to meet up with him for several in-depth rehearsals? - Well, how many rehearsals did we have before we did the first show? - You scared the life out of me? 'Cause I said, "So we'll be doing practice one then." You said, "No, we're just gonna make all our mistakes "in the full glare of the internet." You said, "And I thought, I will be joking." And you weren't, weren't you? - No, that's scary. - Paul Charles Wilkins has just paid for his meal and will be coming along. - Yay. - Yay, indeed. - All right, so Lucy V. Freeman, you've got anything to say before we go? - No. - Okay, all right then. Good bye Lucy. - Have you, or not? - No. - Okay. All right then. - Cool, smash your answer. - You won Saturday chaps. Let me know when we're ready to go because I'm right. - You know about right now. - Okay, 'cause I'm turning the show into the news quiz just because something came through this morning that really made me laugh, right? - Okay. - Because of my, in my other life, my journalism life, I get a scintillating publication called Local Government News, right? And do you know what the headline is for today? - Erm, no. - Sex toy forces closure of council bake sale. (laughing) - Good grief. (laughing) - I'll tell you what, all of us on this list that get this publication, you give it a cursory erm, and this time it went, was it? - What? (laughing) - I think I resent it by about 14 different people within the first five minutes of it coming out. It is the best headline they have ever had. (laughing) Yes. - That is spectacular. - It is, and also deeply disturbing, but never mind. (laughing)