DumTeeDum - A show about BBC Radio's 'The Archers'

Dum Tee Dum Episode 78 – Calls and Callerinerers

Lucy had good reason for not being her usual organised self so emulated an impala leaping around between subjects which made the podcast even more entertaining than usual. The monologue did major on teeth and geese, and she accurately replayed the worst successful job interview in history.

Lots of predictions this week – the Sterlings do not return but the Grundies move to Grange Farm as caretakers; Roy gets together with either Lizzie or Kirsty; although the betting is on Kirsty (aided by Fallon and Kathy who knows about violence at the hands of Owen King) sorting Rob with a Christmas termination of the baby for Helen before Kirsty settles down with Tom. Roifield is predicting that DTD will soon be starting a TV channel.

Technology was discussed at length as no iphone can detect Rob’s edging and anyway a deleted video can always be recovered and mobile phones have undermined popping round to see people – which still happens in The Archers. But Lucy is wrong on mobiles – IRL when I was at work my wife always complained that I never answered my mobile – because that would be the day it ran flat!

Our hosts took their traditional break for Camp Coffee (Roifield) and Yorkshire Tea (Lucy).
This weeks callerinerers
Jan from Can who’s got her ire up
Emily Thomas who thinks mustard yellow is the colour of evil
Miss Mid City who thinks Rob’s pulled a clever move
Jo Jo Sexy Heels who can see light at the end of the tunnel
Jacqueline Bertho who can see a new couple on the horizon
Witherspoon who thinks David needs to get some backbone
Andrew Horn who thinks Heatherpet was treated badly
And Aunty Jean who’s not sure Helen really is pregnant

The post Dum Tee Dum Episode 78 – Calls and Callerinerers appeared first on DumTeeDum.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Duration:: 1h 5m
Broadcast on:: 08 Oct 2015
Audio Format:: other

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This is Dumb D'Dumb is a show about the relative Dr. Drummer that's sent to an ambridge in the heart of the Midlands. I'm the car, Lynette to that is Roy Field Brown and with me I have the old van that is. Lucy Freeman. And the last part of our tribute to Heather Pette is you. Now, today's Dumb D'Dumb is from Nina and Joe and I think Joe's 29, don't you know. Lucy. I did like the improvised lyrics. I thought that was very funny. It really was very good. I mean, it was very good. Juicy Loose. Yes. Can you remind our wonderful growing band of listeners how then when the accolade of Dumb D'Dumb are the week? Yes. If you'd like to sing us a Dumb D'Dumb, give us a plot prediction or drive a corpse along the hard shoulder. Ring us on 0203, 031 3105 or leave us a message on Speakpipe. Thanks to lovely shampages for her amazing voices to Cosmo for his podcast round ups and to Sarah Smith for sponsoring us. Thanks also to Derek for the loan of the back bedroom. Derek has been inspired by Heather Pette's example and has decided to create his own funeral pan. It's all quite tasteful. Dark clothes, lead kindly lied and Sabrina Thwade in a black net veil. Nothing else, just a black net veil. That's a bit kinky there, isn't it? On today's list in a packed episode we have calls from Scarlett Sparrow who thinks that a call to Jess might be a good idea. Jan from Cannes who's got her eye her up Emily Thomas who thinks that mustard yellow is a color of evil. Mid-miss city who thinks that Rob has pulled a clever move. Jojo Sexyheels who can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Jacquelyn Bertoux who would like to see a new couple on the horizon with a spoon. Who thinks that David needs to get some backbone Andrew Horn who thinks that Heather Pette was treated badly. And Aunt Jean bringing up the rear who's not sure that Helen is really pregnant. But first before all the callerinerers and we've got them in space this week. Let's hear about Lucy V Freeman's week in Ambridge. Poor Heather rest in teeth. She died in a service station after a quick performance of songs from the music calls. It wasn't even one of those nice service stations where the wait shows it was one with a KFC that smelled of kegels and bentsons. She'd already planned her funeral. She wants it on ice. Pip is singing We Will Rock You and Usher's doing the eulogy in Urdu. "You mustn't blame yourself love," said David to Ruth and she agreed and decided to blame him instead. "It's all your fault David for not telling me about the cow track. That's why me mother kicked the bucket in a service station." Jill came slinking over to Brookers to interfere with the bees who were being bullied by wasps or something. Then she heard about me mother and pitched up on the doorstep with her writing desk under one arm and a roast chicken in a plastic bag under the other. They're saying more of her now than they did when she lived there. Ruth gave her short shrift so she stumped off again, singing Ding Dong the Witch is Dead. Titchinob has taught Johnny the finer points of the gentleman's sport by getting him to bellow abuse at the opposing team. Then Rob cheated by edging as if that was a time for gardening. And then he erased the silly old film from silly old Helen's silly old camera. Now he is adopting Henry, taking over the cricket team next to take over the bull, the dairy, the farm shop, start growing prize-winning pukrisanthemums and directing the Christmas show. And to cap it all, poor Helen is up the clanger with a titchy sprog. Helen kept being sick, which we all put down to her feeling the kind of revulsion we all feel when contemplating Rob. She didn't have time to wee on a stick initially, being far too busy hoovering out her sewing basket and polishing her cocktail sticks. Anyway, thankfully Titchinob has been gifted with magic powers and not only managed to get Helen Prager's despite her contraception, but also knows it as a boy. God help it, that's all I can say. Someone is pinching Will's pheasants and killing deer. He's been dogging them in every night too, maybe that's why they got fed up and flew away. I can't blame Will, I mean, he is now apparently a single man with no family. So he has to take his pleasures where he can. Helen is making plans for her manure-dappled tea shop. She's promised to use Bridge Farm products. As the only thing they ever seem to grow at Bridge Farm is Leaks, I can't wait to see her having a bash at tea with a leek cupcake and mango-wirzel jam. Crusty is going to take over the health club. Rub people down with a moldy loo for while Joe Grundy sings folk songs in the background while wearing a tutu, a hijab and a pair of ug boots. She gave the worst interview I have ever heard. Jeremy Clarkson is more likely to get a job in the shadow cabinet than Crusty was to get the health club manager role. What sort of things did you do in your last job? Don't know. Why did you want the job? I liked trees. Tell us about a problem you faced in your job and how you dealt with it. Well, I worked polishing broccoli in a shop and then my boss's brother dumped me in front of a church full of people and then I wanted to leave my boss couldn't understand why. That's such a problem, do you mean? These fair brother boys are not the full shilling I've decided. Toby just introduces himself to people at the world's most inopportune moment. Who in the world stops a total stranger on their way into a job interview to introduce themselves? Anyway, the fair goose brethren have stuffed up already having arranged to give exclusivity to Ian and then made a deal with Elizabeth too. In a delightful piece of poultry-based synchronicity, Ian has been betrayed by a handsome man at Lower Locksley for the second time and Roy and Elizabeth will be caught having a quick pluck with stuffing. The end! That was very good. I enjoyed it this week. There was poultry, there were teeth, and what else was there? Well, do you know what characters from the archers? If you've got a poultry in teeth, what else do you need? Quite frankly. Lucy. Yes. This is the point of the show where I say, "Should we talk about something this week?" But I think we should maybe crack on because we've got a shed-load of cauldroners, haven't we? Yeah. And can I just say something before we get onto the cauldroners? Because I think some of our new cauldroners are forgetting the protocol. Oh, what they do. Can you just remind our cauldroners when you first call a renerer what they're supposed to do? You're supposed to give us your inside leg measurement, blood grip, and tell us what you do for a job. Yes. So we have a bit of a, you know, a bit of a random straw pole sensor, so who the bloody elves listening? But then it means good listener. But then when there's a story line which maybe pertains to your profession, so, "Oi, does this ring true?" So there is method in the madness. Yes. So, yes. Right. Now, on that slight little wrap over the Knuckles for new cauldroners, here we've got first. We always like to start people off. Yeah. Encourage them in. Swissy by Kane. Warm them up and then have a go at them the second they bring in. Here's why you're rubbish by us. [PHONE RINGING] Hello, Ambridge 3962. Ah, sorry, what was the question? Who's next? Who's first? Uh, Scarlet Sparrow. Me, call to Jess, might be a good idea. Hello, YouTube, Scarlet Sparrow here. Firstly, most important piece of business. May you are always going to do a refilting one, but I'm really not trying to muscle in. Secondly, Robin Helen. I think it's time that Helen had a little phone call to Jess and found out what really happened and whether there were any predecessors she could speak to. My prediction is that whole ball happens all. We'll stop the grumbies moving back home. And that Caroline Robles step in and say they're never coming back and asking. She's amazing. Well, that's a great charm. I think people are thinking, you know, because, well, it's this kind of ties in with Miss Mid City's call as well. Hi, it's Miss Mid City here with far too much to say. Rob is more interested in adopting Henry than sorting out his divorce finances or actually getting a job. I say adoption and I'm using it quite loosely. I don't do much adoption work, but I do do private disputes. And yes, a step for rental responsibility order is quite neat. It gets around the need for going through the rigorous adoption screening process and stopped social services prying into his murky background. Quite clever move on the part of the script writers because once you've got step for rental responsibility, you can change the child's name. So who needs an adoption order? Well, the clever, I think. And sticking with Rob and Helen and their bizarre little family setup. Helen's pregnant. It doesn't want to be clearly, but she is. And that makes her, to my mind, makes her more vulnerable and increasingly less comfortable around Rob counterintuitively. It's probably a good time to be bringing this story to an end and a good time to be bringing Kirsty back for a job that we didn't even know she was qualified to apply for at Grey Gables. Who saw that coming? Rob getting the step parent agreement thing is actually much simpler than him going through the whole adoption process and I know he's saying, oh, well, that's because I can take over my duties as Henry's parent, you know, quickly. She said it could well be because he doesn't want his background to be too heavily investigated. And there is a, yeah, I would say there's quite a likelihood that given Rob's, this level of gifted manipulation isn't a recent thing. It's something he is very, very well versed in. So it would imply that he's done it before. And for all we know, there could be several women dotted around the country who he's, you know, made pregnant, who he's, you know, walked out on, who he's abused, whatever. And that a call to Jess may reveal them, but the last time we heard from Jess, she was busily saying to Helen, are you know what Rob's like when you're the centre of his universe? That's all you want to be, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So she doesn't sound like somebody who, I know you, you know, you could quite rightly say that she's not quite right. And clearly she isn't because you wouldn't be duped by Rob or wanting to stay with Rob if you, if you, if you had sort of a healthy good mental health kind of thing. But yeah, I don't know. What do you think? Do you think that there could be other, other titchy victims? I think if there were a whole kind of long, litany line full of them, Jess would have intimated that, wouldn't she? She would have said, oh, you know, you're just the next one. Helen, yes. But she, but she didn't say that. What she hinted at was just the fact that he's a control of manipulative evil. A misogynist is really what she said about this, you know, you're, when you're the center of his world and whatever. So I think, yes, Midmi City is very, very clever. She knows about this stuff, which then just brings me back to what I was saying before. When you actually know that somebody has a professional, well, somebody does professionally, it lends massive credence then to what they say as to how it affects story lines as to, you know, their analysis of it. But this is a very clever way for him just to very quickly. I think it's less about Delbin into his path, just to him very quickly and cleanly to become legally Henry's parent, so then he can just, in effect, yank him away from Helen. I mean, I think it's more to do with that than, you know. Speaking as somebody who writes willy jokes for a living and clearly isn't a solicitor, obviously, this seems like a very, I mean, surely this step-parent thingy is absolutely ripe for exploitation by somebody like Rob. I mean, I'm sure somebody legal-based, probably Midmi City will ring in and tell me why it's actually fine, but I mean, it just, what's it, what's it for? I can't see what the benefit of it is for if it's less own, if, because, you know, it's because, you know, adoption is a huge deal. And quite rightly, there are very good reasons why it's a huge deal. Absolutely. And I think maybe we need another call-in from Midmi City to actually tell us the reasons why this kind of came about, because on the one hand, you can conceive of reasons why, maybe it's for couples that aren't married or something like that, but these guys are married. So, and I thought that if you were married, you kind of de facto became the pet. I just don't know. I just don't know. And Midmi City, I think maybe just call-in and just say why this legislation has even brought in, because for us it makes little in no sense. And sorry, we've sort of blended two calls here. Scarlett Sparrow also said, Caroline and Oliver aren't going to come home. Hazel will stop Eddie and Clary moving back because she'll flog the cottage. So, she said the grundies can move back to Grange Farm. But they've had so much work done on Grange Farm. It's probably worth £80 billion trillion now, isn't it? There's no way unless Caroline and Oliver went completely, either became the world's most friend and Tropic couple or, you know, just became overwhelmingly lovely or mad and let the grundies live in it for whatever they can afford to pay. Unless they sort of care take it for them or something, I don't know. I've got a sneaky feeling that the stirlings won't come back. Really? I want them to, because as I said before, you know, I love a bit of Oliver. But too many people have said, this doesn't quite feel right. And we haven't heard them from them in any meaningful way for so long. No. And then it's a case of art that they're going off again. And there's no script, there's no plot lines coming up that they're involved with. Yes. That they're essential for. Well, let's hope that we're all wrong. Yeah. But I think... I'll tell you what, Oliver Sterling is in bloody everything. Is he? I don't know if somebody did tweet on the Twitter's that he was, oh, this was him on some radio foreplay or something or another. Yeah, there's millions. He's on lots of period drama. I think he was in "Downton Abbey." Which then goes to show. Yeah. Goes, hmm, that he's busy doing other stuff. Yeah. As opposed to, yes. Oh, God. Blimey. I feel like one of those women standing on the dock watching all the soldiers sail off. You know, and you never know. You're going to see them again. I mean, they're waving me hankies as the ship gets smaller across the ocean. I'm like, "Bye. It was lovely to know you." Dude, come back, won't you? Hello? Hello from Canada to everyone in Dumpty Dum Land. It's Jan from Cannes calling in, Mitch Muse on the Twitter's. I'm calling in today because I need to take issue with some comments that are in criticism of Ruth. Ruth being not domestic and Ruth not being able to cook a scon or Ruth not taking an interest in doing the traditional mum role. It's 2015 and I just never expected to hear progressive, thoughtful people who believe in equality criticizing her for that. She's a modern woman. She's a farmer. And I would like to know why David doesn't cook some scones. I'd like to know why David doesn't do more of the taking care of the children, et cetera. So as you can probably tell, I've got my ire up. It's been bothering me. Jan from Cannes. Yes. Yes. Jan from Cannes. I am feeling guilty about this because she says that we always go on. The caller in her is, and I am as guilty of this as the caller in her's, of about Ruth not being able to cook. Now, for me, it is not, and I completely agree that there's no reason why David shouldn't cook. For me, it's not about her not being able to cook. I don't care whether she can cook or not. In fact, I think the obsession with cooking on the arches is getting a bit insane. Sometimes it's like listening to Bake Off. But it's the fact that Dills... It's the key adult skill that you need to crack. Is that what you're saying? As opposed to saying that... No, no, I'm not. That's not what I'm saying. Oh. It's the fact that she continually seems to be surprised that people need three meals a day. She's kind of... It seems to come to her as a revelation every day. Oh, it's lunch. And I'm sure it's probably like that, obviously now pips around and she can cook, and David could, but doesn't, because he's always had mummy to look after him, but it's that kind of, I don't know, you have children, and you have a job, and you have to do both. You can't, just because you're a farmer, you can't say, "Oh, well, I'm not going to do one of those things." You know, if you choose both, you have to do both. That's it. Just like if you're a farmer and a parent of either sex, not a mother. So it's just... I think it's more of a... for me anyway, it's more of a script writer conceit that is getting very wearying this heart. She's got to go to the shop again and get up on chips or whatever. When did she last get caught short at Alka's Jules here? Exactly. She hasn't. Mmm. Well, the Jules nut, but yeah. Well, she's kind of is. It isn't she. I think she's living in the Arga. She sort of pops up every now, every time Ruth goes out of the kitchen, she clampers out of the warming draw, and starts cooking. Oh, maybe she couldn't. Yeah. And to Victoria's sponge, and 14 scums, and that was funny, actually, when she pitched up with her chicken. That made me laugh. I've always took Jill at face value, but even I'm forced to admit that, you know, she's playing a little game or two now, you know, and, yeah, I do now. I've always just taken a come, you know, oh, I've just popped back, you know, here I am again. Hello. Guess who? Can I come back now? Oh, no, no, no. Take your time. I don't. I just can't just put this suitcase down over here. I think, I think it's kind of a. She really is dancing on Heather's grave, isn't she? She just cannot wait to come back. But I'll tell you what I thought was very peculiar last week was the fact that Elizabeth was pushing around the door as well. Yeah. If you want to go back, no. You know, we do love you to have you here, but however, please go, you know, you know, take your time. We're running in the drive. We packed up. Yes. Of course, we love having you here, but when are you going to leave? Yeah. The whole thing is very strange. I think, and this also links into, who does this link into? Oh, dear. I'm so sorry. Paul. Room, I think. Is it Paul? Room? Oh, God. No. Andrew Hall. I'm sorry, Andrew. I've muddled you up. Greetings, earthlings. Andrew Horn here. Well, there's been a recent post on the archers Facebook site about the 10 commandments. I'm sure a lot of you have seen it. And I put down and keep the faith because occasionally storylines get you in such a way that you want to give up for a variety of reasons. And at the moment, that's sort of where I am. I've been finding it all really quite a downer, really. The whole Heather thing's just really frustrated me. I know I said earlier in the year that she would die as soon as they got up to Prada, to kill her off in the car on the way down after making such a fuss and angst about it. It's just ridiculous. And now we're going to end up with Ruth winching for months on end as she thinks it's her fault for making her do the journey and we're going to have that horrible, whiny voice. Andrew Horn, who said that she's been treated really badly, Heather's been treated really badly by the script writers. No dignified. She doesn't get a blazing roof full on her while she's rescuing horses. She doesn't go out peacefully in her chair like Phil. She dies in a car or in the ambulance, in a petrol station or in a service station. It's just the world's most undignified way to go, pretty much, even as a fictional character that we weren't that fussed about, you know, it's still pretty horrible. And it's just such a convenient plot device. I'm somewhat conflicted about this because I, on record, I wasn't fussed about Heather at all. And it's interesting, you know, listening to the arches this week and people like Eddie saying coming round with flowers and saying, oh, she always asked about the boys and whatever. And, you know, I don't think any of us as listeners were invested in her as a character in the way that we were, let's say, with Auntie Satia, who's an occasional character who's completely fallen off the radar. So, so for me, considering how bonkers this whole storyline was about going up to Prudh. Yeah. Right. It's kind of somewhat fitting that she does expire on a motorway service station. I'm coming back to to Amber. The world's most temporary character dies in the ultimately temporary relief. It's like dying in an airport lounge, you know, it's not really anything, not really anywhere. It's a character who we didn't really get to know. She was, you know, the Jordi one with a comic accent and then increasingly, you know, with the ill-fitting teeth and she just mixed up with this bonkers storyline that you're going to move this farm 400 miles up the road at ridiculous expense when it's much cheaper to just get the old bitty down here. And I just, I'm just glad, slowly but surely, we're getting rid of this storyline. So, in fact, she expired in her bed, in her car, in her McDonalds, in her KFC. I couldn't care less, to be honest with you. Let's just get this, put it all behind us and let's just move on. I think, yeah, it's, I think it was with a spoon who said they need to keep, sorry, we're jumping around all over the shop with the calls. I'm not thinking very coherently, that they needed to keep some kind of, some kind of kind of... No, no, no, no, no, sorry, I've gone off again. They needed to keep some tension between David and Ruth because that's what they've decided, you know, there wasn't really any tension ever between Jill and Phil. You know, they kind of decided things together. She did the house and the children, he did the farm. You know, that was it. There was much less crossover between them, but Phil, but David and Ruth, they kind of need to keep this, this marital tension going, which is presumably going to be, you know, it's all David's fault, that they didn't, she wasn't with her and that she hadn't moved down or they hadn't moved up or whatever. So I don't think we have said goodbye to this storyline because I think the, the, the, the, the, the aftershocks of this are going to go on and on and on, sadly. I hope not. I took it as she said to David, this is kind of your fault, our fault because she's just in shock and still in grief. Yeah. You know, she's not thinking straight and she knows it isn't and, you know, but that's what I took it as. But I, there needs to be some form of tension between David and Ruth and going forward because as I kind of said before, when you really boil it down at the heart of the archers is this key, the key kind of strand of the archers, the Brooker's archers, who are actually the least interesting characters. Yeah. They actually are quite far, by far, by far. So did you see Twitter this week when people, when we had an episode and it had no archers in it and people going, Oh, I love my favorite sort of episode. No archers, it was the archers without the archers, it was brilliant. Can I, can I claim ownership of that tweet? Oh, was it you? Oh, I'm sorry. I think it was you retweeted heavily because I saw loads of people agreeing. So yes. So we've done about five-quarter inners then, so who's next? Sorry. Yes. I'm sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. I'm listener and first time caller in Emily, I am @Emily_Thomas73 on Twitter, I'm calling you from somewhere near Tolli Fell in Paris, and I'm just calling to say, "Yzhedo adamtidam". It's like a warm cup of tea and a scone when I'm feeling rundown from my time looking up to pampered Parisian children as a no-pere. In fact, taking care of the children is giving me some serious food for thought about Helen. In the last week, we've seen that she can't seem to stay in a room without having to leave in a hurry. In my mind, this may be the script writers beginning to hint at the fact that Helen may be pregnant, and that we are seeing the beginnings of the awful morning sickness. Now, I am not a mother, and I've never had children, but I am the daughter of a midwife and a doctor, and I was led to believe that the vomiting stage does not happen until at least the sixth week of pregnancy, and some actual mothers could fact-check me if they are very grateful. So, if she is pregnant, we can assume it's not the result of that night. I think all dumb tea dumb listeners know the one I'm referring to. But what it does do is it makes me think about the inevitable depress in Christmas storyline that an archer's Christmas is not complete without. Helen is a woman who was so keen to be a mother and have a baby that we went through all the events that led to the appearance of the perpetually high on helium henry. Perhaps, this year, the Christmas conflict could be Helen considering to terminate this new pregnancy as Rob's true colours come to light. In my mind, his true colour is probably mustard yellow, the colour of ultimate evil. Given that the limit on an abortion is 24 weeks in the UK, if six weeks or more have gone already, then the final weeks of this time limit would be approaching over the festive period. Cue much. Oh, no wine for me, lines as she thinks it out. Emily Thomas! The au pair! Yeah, so we do know what she does. And she reminds me of when I was an au pair and I would go and listen to the archers in the laundry room of the house in Zurich where I lived. And there was a drying balcony or a drying terrace. And so we would, I would sort out the washing and coincide it with listening to the archers on the world service or radio or whatever I could get it on. And I kind of had some strange arrangement with the, there was like an aerial thing. On the end of the ironing board, I'm not quite sure why, I've forgotten why, but there was like this metal pointy wiry bit. And I used to put the aerial of the radio up against it so it kind of conducted to prove the signal. And I would faff around with the ironing for a good 20 minutes when I really didn't need to, just to sort of get my fix off the archers because it reminded me of England. Yes, she can foresee horrible things happening at Christmas. I had forgotten that Helen had preeclampsia with Henry, which is quite a severe thing and means she is an at risk mother and also means she has to rest, unfortunately, which will mean that Titchinab is able to muscle in on what little is left of her territory. You've been waiting all year and the moment is finally here. Bolin Branch is the betting brand for better sleep and their best sale of the year is happening now. Right now you can get 25% off the organic cotton sheets loved by millions of sleepers. They feel breathable, luxuriously soft and get softer with every wash. Shop Bolin Branch's cyber event with extended returns for the holiday season. Hurry to Bolin Branch dot com and use code buttery for 25% off everything. Limited time only, exclusions apply. See site for details. Hey I'm Ryan Reynolds. Recently, I asked Mint Mobile's legal team if big wireless companies are allowed to raise prices due to inflation. They said yes. 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Not sure where to start? State Farm has over 19,000 local agents that can help you choose an option to fit your needs and budget. Get started today and contact a state farm agent or go to statefarm.com. Tree, because she will be literally physically incapable of doing anything. Yes, all very depressing and I'm not sure I could cope with it over Christmas, to be honest. Now, at the end of my comments about Emily Thomas's call, I have written and I have no idea why, mustard yellow is also the color of diarrhea. Why, in God's name, would I have done that? Ah, she mentioned that something was mustard yellow, but I don't know, I have no idea why I wrote that. It was a very long time ago when I listened to these, and I forgot. Mustard yellow is also the color of direct. No, blank. See, you're all known now because you will be listening to the calls and you'll be going to know you stupid woman. It's because she said blah, blah, blah, but I can't hear the calls right now, so that's why. Anyway. Hi there. Dermot Dermos. It's JoJo Sexy Heels here. I just had to call in this week. Obviously, we've been building up to Helen being pregnant and we know how teaching Hobbes going to be, and he was very close to the edge this week. But I think there is a tiny little bit of light at the tunnel. We've got the return of Cathy, we've got the return of Krusty, and we've fallen. Having her cafe set up at Bridge Farm, I think there's a good chance that the three of them can talk some sense to Helen and that she will, in the end, have a good circle of friends around her who will take her and keep her safe from teaching Hobbes. They will see what's happening early on and we'll do something about it. That is my big hope. JoJo Sexy Heels, haven't heard from her for a while, it is very nice to hear her. I had also forgotten that Cathy had suffered severe sexual violence. You hadn't forgotten. We talked about that just a week or two back. Well, I'd remembered again this time, and she said now Krusty's back, Krusty will sort out...Kirsty will sort out Rob and Helen, and she will be able to point out to Helen what is going on. And obviously, Cathy has also sort of reappeared on the show, thank the Lord. And yeah, so she sort of knows the signs as well, doesn't she? Well, I don't think Cathy's incident where she was raped by... Oh, goodness. I completely forget his name, but it was to do with the Christmas play, wasn't it? And he got close to do at the Christmas play. That's not at all analogous to Rob. No, but at least there's some more women around. I think Cathy was only brought in because she had to interview Krusty. Because Cathy and Helen have no relationship, do you? No. So this is all about Krusty coming back into the village, and then her becoming friends again, slowly but surely with Helen, and then saying, and then Rob going, because Krusty and Rob don't like, again, because of the Christmas play, and the way that, you know, there was that whole thing, wasn't there, you know, a couple of years back. So, Krusty's back, there is going to be a rapprochement between her and Helen. Krusty will just say, "This man gives me the heebie-jeebies." Helen will go, "No, no, no, he's fine, he's fine." And then it's going to be Krusty that will be the event in all of this, and says, "Ha-ha, no." You know, and he's a boss, and he's why... Good. I cannot wait! Hurry up, Krusty! If you're going to do it, now would be great. I'd forgotten about the preeclampsia thing as well, so we have some credit. This is a really, this is like a hive mind, isn't it? All the listeners, you know, nothing gets past them, you know, very good, very very... Hi there, Dumtitam, Jacqueline Bertot here. Well, if other people are allowed to do this, I'm going to bravo, bravo to all of those involved in Dumtitam who predicted Helen's pregnancy on the death of Heather, leaving a space for Jill to come back, if she dare. But I'd like to badmouthe Pip a lot, who continues to irritate me, but it's her mother that's caused me to shout out loud at the radio this week, twice. When Ruth was having a typical wailing and gnashing of teeth to raid against the world, she said, "Oh, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and it was only going to end one way." Can't do the accent. Well Ruth, I've wanted to say to you, it only ends one way for all of us. It happens, you have to accept it and it's sad, but you also have to enjoy your family and as Heather said, that beautiful house and your life, get on with it, we all lose our parents in the end, it's no one's fault, it's just that part of life that's sad. One final thought, Roy, Kirsty, a future, question mark, bye. Now, Jacqueline Berto can see Roy and Kirsty as a potential couple, I do not think so. I disagree, Jacqueline, I think that Roy is going to get back with Elizabeth because now the Panto is going to happen. Do you know what? I have just realised something quite startling. What's that? I missed off half my monologue. I thought it was short. Did you? Yep. I just thought it was tight. Fine. Fine. I'll use it again next week. I think that... How much have you left off? About two paragraphs, I think. Because I had a gag in about the Christmas play, it probably wasn't very good anyway, so it's fine. I think that Roy is going to be edging closer back to Elizabeth now that Linda's wangled her way into having the thing. I think that's going to put them back into proximity again, so I think that may reignite because we haven't heard anything at all about poor old Hailey, have we? So whether that's going to lift off again, I don't know. Roy and Kirsty are unsuited, I think. I can't see them as a couple and I think Kirsty's going to end up back with Tom. I do. I think he's going to end up back with Tom because this is a new Tom. He's all different, isn't he? Yep. Thank God it's the same Kirsty. I love Kirsty. I get so happy when I hear her voice, I'm like yay, is that, I don't know, she's just different and interesting and nice and good, yes, like her. Hello. It's Auntie Jean here. I'm doing a cousin out, I'm doing one of my holes but I thought I just figured the same because I just had a certain thought I didn't like you much. It occurs to me that having may be lying to all about it being pregnant because I think she's one of the people who is getting so angry she'd get hit or worse and so she dropped the bombshell to stop him in his tracks which obviously did and what happens when she finds out she's not pregnant and what happens when he finds out she's not pregnant. I'm just not sure because he was saying horrible, I got a lot about how silly she was and what bad decision she was making and he was getting angrier and angry and it was a horrible thing to listen to. Anyway, just a short one this week, back to my holes, see you soon, bye. Auntie Jean says that she was not sure whether or not Helen was really pregnant or whether Helen was so worried that Tichino was going to thump her when he did his, do you know what one of the things I will never forgive him for, apart from Little Miss Giggly, apart from all the other shit, he said badly done Helen, badly done and that's what nice Mr Knightley says in Emma and Mr Knightley is a lovely man and he's saying it absolutely because Emma has done something ungracious and to ruin a lovely quote like that when you're just trying to make your partner feel small as shit, oh I hate him, anyway I don't think she's lying about being pregnant, wish she was, but yes that was a horrible episode and it was awful to listen to and the fear in her voice was palpable and I honestly thought, oh my god he's going to thump her. Well I think what saved her from physical harm is definitely the pregnancy right now anyway because he's going to treat her like she's a total porcelain doll. Ah well apparently some of our listeners that know about such things I'm hoping through professional means said that women are at most at risk of domestic violence when they're pregnant. Oh really? I didn't know because that seems to me completely counterintuitive that because somebody a narcissist like Rob would think she is just a vessel for my child therefore I have to look after the vessel. Yeah but it also depends on whether that partner wanted the child. Yeah and also the child is going to be competition for him isn't it because he wants her to do what he wants to do and that might not fit in with you know having her being pregnant or her having a child might not fit in with what he wants to do. What was this shit to be so well written? It really is. I know it's just awful. Oh. Ah. Hey baby I hear the blues are calling toss salads and scrambled eggs, mercy. Greetings Lucy Royfield and all dumb two demers around the world. Thanks with the spoon and Angus Haggis here back from our holiday in Provincetown Cape Cod the first landing spot of the pilgrims. First congrats to both Lucy and Royfield on a very entertaining interview and show last week. It's been quite a week in average hasn't it? A mercy killing revealed, a long anticipated but ill time death, the appearance of ghosts from the past and the not surprising news of a birth to come. With so much happening it seems so long ago that the week began on the cricket pitch with Rob behaving so badly, a definite portend to the week's end. I wrote on our group's Facebook page that when Helen handed Rob her iPhone it was obvious that the video of Rob cheating, hey that's just not cricket, would also mysteriously disappear. I'm sure what's on everyone's mind is Rob's behavior on Friday so I won't dwell on it. Needless to say his need to control and his misogyny is a very upsetting to all. Poor Helen is becoming increasingly isolated, whereas best friend Ian who figured out Rob oh so long ago. Perhaps Kirsty will be the one who ultimately intervenes and saves Helen. The return of Kirsty, Kathy and Roy made Thursday's episode feel a bit like a Christmas carol. Will that be Linda's panto this year? It was also obvious that Kirsty was going to get the job as health club manager, but boy that was not an impressive interview. And while I like the return of Kathy in the abstract sense, she is just such a morose-sounding person. Please be happy Kathy for all of us dumpty dummers. And one prediction, Tom and Kirsty will get back together. Finally, the death of Heather, she didn't even make it down the motorway. Can she have enjoyed a first and last supper at Brookfield and had a final song with all her grandkids? I do think the script writers missed an opportunity to explore the issues and challenges of caring for an infirm parent. Now Ruth is in mourning, which is perfectly understandable, but again her projection of her guilt is anger onto David feels too obvious and too unrealistic at the same time. It's like the writers got together and said, "David and Ruth need to still be in conflict. Let's have her blame him for her mother's death." It just doesn't feel like some things she would really do because she would have realized how ill her mother was. Anyway, here's hoping David has some backbone and stands up to her while continuing to be supportive and sympathetic. Angus Haggis says he can't wait for next week's episodes. Until then, we're signing off, and no, Angus nor Scraff were sighted near any dead deer last week. With a spoon said, the script writers missed an opportunity to do an in-depth portrayal of caring for an elderly parent. With a spoon I say thank God the script writers decided not to do an in-depth portrayal of caring for an elderly parent. That sounds horrendous. He does have a point, though, in that all the oxygenarians on it all seem to be incredibly fit, spry, and leap over fences at the drop of a hat. We always say that the great thing about this show is that it has a realistic portrayal of life, hence the whole gaslighting thing. It's so incredibly believable. What isn't quite believable is that Peggy, Jill, Jim, Caroline, none of them have a major infirmity. They're not even diabetic, and they ought to, considering the amount of bloody cake they eat. Not a minute goes by without somebody stuffing a scon or a ginger biscuit or something. Exactly. So, point well taken, Mr. With a spoon, though I'm glad it wasn't Heather Pitt could have found her somewhat tedious. But that's me being mean. She tested my Buddhahood, did that woman. I just thought, "Oh, please, let it go," and she's gone, so I'm quite happy. But anyway, being a buddy, she'd probably come back as one of the lambs or something for another. She's still knocking about. Well, her end's not going to be much better if she does go back as one of the lambs, really. Anyway, and that's it for the calls. I am so sorry, everybody. I leapt around like a gazelle throughout that. I apologize. And in parlour. In parlour. Leaping from conversational crag to conversational crag. Well, now we've got our bearings, shall we? Take a quick coffee break, camp coffee for me, you'll have something kind of like properly brewed, won't you? Oh, no, just all just a cup of tea, I suppose. PG? Yes. No, Yorkshire tea, actually. Really? Yeah, Yorkshire tea, hard water, tea bags. I tell you what, that is now the drink of the middle classes, isn't it, Yorkshire tea? Nobody. Because PG tips, great unwashed. That's like people at North drink that. But actually, people down south drink Yorkshire tea. I know. I really noticed that. Have you not? Well, people in Yorkshire laugh heartily at them. But falling for all the bullshit. Absolutely. Hello, I'm Sarah Smith, proud sponsor of Dumpty Dum. If you want to polish up your Albion, give your optics a wipe or even mop up after your ferrets, Sarah Smith Cloths are eco-friendly, reusable and washable. And you know, a bit posh. Sarah Smith, available from Sainsbury's, for the posher washer, proud sponsors of Dumpty Dum. Fancy getting your mouth round something warm? Something comforting you can really get a firm grip on. Why not buy a Dumpty Dum mug from the shop at DumptyDum.com? That was damn lovely. Good day everyone. It's Millie Bell here. Having spent two weeks on another continent, I have to say I absolutely loved meeting some other arches at X. And if you are all as lovely and as fun as Stuart and Liz, I look forward to meeting you. It was really nice to me just to be able to talk about Dumpty Dum and the arches whenever I felt like it, but I have to get back to the real world now because I'm back to work tomorrow. Obviously, I wasn't very active on Facebook while I was away, although I did ask about for someone to explain to me about the cricket. And thank you very much, Glenful Aluff. Your explanation on Facebook was very full, but I still didn't understand it because I didn't know what a snicker was, but that sounded, if it wasn't a chocolate, like something I needed to learn more about. But the one thing I would like to say about the whole of that was the video deleting the video confused me because as someone who's a little bit into technology, I know that if I've deleted videos on my iPhone, I can get them back pretty quickly. The other thing that confused me last week and also the two arches at X that I was with was why Helen was making out that she had a tummy bug, but she had gone to work in the dairy when, after what had happened with Clary, we didn't think she would go anywhere near the dairy. See how wonderful this all is when you have others arches at X around you, like I got to discuss so much. So anyway, guys, I promised to have a proper report for you next week of Facebook. So please indulge me. I've had a couple of great weeks, but I'll be back on board and responding to all your Facebook posts this week. So have a great week on the arches at X, and I'll be talking with you soon. Hooray. Thank you, Miss Bell. It wasn't really long this week, was it? That Lily Bell, she's been absent the last three weeks. I don't know what she's been dialing in, but as of next week, Miss Bell, be back on your game. We want to know what's been happening on the book of Face and all sorts of things. I love the interview she did with the American lady. That was really good. Yeah, and she's had a smashing time. And those people, though, kind of her friends on the book of Face could see all these wonderful pictures. Fails and seals and all sorts, and it's just amazing. Trip of the lifetime I'm Millie's had, normal service will be resumed next week. It's time for your hashtag #TheArches. Tweets are the last seven days, as brought to you by Lucy Freeman, who's going to tell you which she thinks are the best go. Chris M. Owens had David saying, "Mom, under that foil, that chicken looks very writing desk-shaped." Cara, lovely Cara, said, "I've not met Cathy, as she always sounded like an unwilling game show contestant making a small talk before the first round." Yes, she has Cara in answer to that. Justin Farrington, who can always be relied on for something pithy and extremely rude. Block curious, small children, this was about the cricket when Rob was accused of edging and was supposed to walk. He said, "Don't walk, motherfucker. Crawl." And Kensington Gore said, "The end is in sight, cheating at cricket is the last straw." It's funny, isn't it, you can do all the other things and be jaded at cricket, then bastard. And this is Lisa H. Hamilton, who-- Oh, also Veenux tweeted the week, sorry. No, it is tweeted the week. Oh, okay. So I was right. Lisa H. Hamilton, who said, "On my own, in the rain, in a service station car park, why is Ruth talking about losing her virginity at a time like this?" No, that did make me laugh at love, and I read that tweet too, which brings me back to something, which I think this was Glen full of love, said on some bit of "dumbly dumb" media, whether it was on the Twitter's or it was on the forum. It's so omnichannel now. We are. We are. It would be launched on our own TV station, see, won't we? God, I love this. Glen said, and I think it was Glen, if it wasn't Glen, and it was somebody else, I'd do apologise, that the whole thing around the phone was utter clap trap, the fact that Helen has it on camera that Rob had cheated. And he said, "Because, quite simply, when you watch cricket on Sky and they have 64 cameras around, half the time is inconclusive then." Yeah. So how is it going to be conclusive from an iPhone 300 yards away? Yes. Yeah. And it was that obvious of an edge in a nick. Yeah. Everybody would have said, you absolutely do need to walk, and Tony would have known. Yeah. Because if Tony's eyes were that bad, and he's what, 12 yards away, right, he shouldn't have been unpiring. Which, when he was, it's like, absolutely true, there's no way that that phone is going to be, you know, conclusive proof. But anyway, I'll show that in. The Archers has as a very strange, a lot of the continuity problems, but kind of the detail from revolve around mobile phones, I don't know whether none of the, well, we know that the Archers writers have mobile phones because we talk to them on them. But things like, when Ruth, David never ever seems to have his turned on. If David misses one more important call because he's either let the battery go flat, left it behind, or has just hasn't heard it when Ruth's trying to ring him to tell him that, you know, me more that is lying, steaming on the back seat, you know, he, there was no, he was just standing, having a conversation with somebody. There is no reason for him not to have heard his phone, and he said all three missed calls. Anything, for somebody that works near enough continually, not at home, you'd think having a charged up phone that would enable him to communicate with other members of his team would be fairly essential, but apparently not. All the farmers I know are on their phones pretty much permanently because it's how they communicate with each other. Well, the thing is about the mobile phone, there's two things, is that in terms of penetration of mobile phones in the UK, let's say they got over adults, had them at a rate of let's say over 70% in let's say 2000, right? And it was very clearly some eight years after that is end of the 2000s that mobile phones regularly then became into dramas and soap operas, you know, so there was a massive lag, a massive lag, but then also as a tool, they are, they're hard to write because actually you do need characters bumping into each other, oh, I'm just popping around, nobody pops around to see anybody anymore without a text, a call, you know, and then you get yes, oh, you can pop around. But then, so writers have a problem writing believable scenarios and I was listening to something the other day, oh crumbs, I could get who the writer is, but they very clearly said, I set all of my dramas 20 years ago, pre-mobile phones, he says, I have to because otherwise everything would be sorted out. Absolutely. And I forget who the writer was and I just thought that was just absolutely stunning because you actually, there is a real problem if you can write because you think about it, half of teenage, well, not half of teenage, 80% of teenagers now break up on text. How would that fit into the arches, you know, into a radio drop? It's bad enough on TV, let alone on a radio show, so, you know, when you think about the amount of conversations that we have with each other via text, you know, so maybe they've got their own mobile phone provider that's a bit rubbish, probably Justin Elliott's own some kind of, you know, mobile phone company. So you think it's just like, Anne, which is a mobile black spot? Yeah. Well, I have to think that because otherwise it's so infuriatingly ridiculous that nobody ever hears or answers their phone. You know, it works fine when Eddie's interrupting the opera, then everybody can hear it, you know. The rest of the time. No. No. We should have done that bit after your truncated monologue. Yeah. But anyway, we didn't, did we? No. Well, we might be done. It depends whether or not you've edited this bit. No, no. I edited with a very light scalpel now talking about stuff. Remember last week when I said I need recommendations of what to watch? What did you say, Lucy? What did you say? I said nobody cares. How wrong you were. Victoria Litterer. Have you seen that series, The Affair, stars two Brits playing Americans? Sean Garrity said. Victoria Darling, everything stars two Brits playing American. It does, doesn't it? Sean Garrity said recommended viewing narcos on Netflix. Joanne Jackson on the Twitter said. I'd recommend a Suran Jones drama, Dr Foster. I know it isn't American, but I'm loving it. I love a bit Suran Jones. Don Corrie. Alison. Your request for series. Not sure if these are your bag, but resistance and the saboteurs, both channel four, are worth a look. Stephen, who's @kingbagcarrier on the Twitter said. Sensate on that Netflix. It's great by the Wachowski's who did the Matrix. It's really good. Yep. No one was bothered, Lucy. No one at all was bothered about giving me recommendations. I think I know our listeners. So thank you for your input, everyone. My brother, Stephen, did actually recommend Sensate as well. As I said at Joanne, I love a bit Suran Jones, so I am going to watch that. I did see. I haven't been seen bits of that actually on Gogglebox. Sean Garrity, I don't know about narcos. I've had somewhat dodgy things about it, but I am going to watch the affair and give the saboteurs a run. So thank you, everybody. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. At the end of the show, go to wm.com to join in the debate and the forum. Wait and join in will. What does upset you this week in average? Or you can pop over to the off-topic section where you can see the heartwarming thread dealing with grief and cancer diagnosis started by RRT gene. And it's absolutely lovely, absolutely lovely. So you can go to our site and talk about all manner of things. Sure news at Narnsport, anything this week, but it's time to give big ups too. Philip Townley, who not only received his Dumpedidum.com mug for guessing that we were interviewing Graham Seed, but he posted a picture of himself with his winner's mug on the book of Face. Yeah, good for you, Philip. Now if you want to keep our show on the road, there are two ways that this can be done. Go to patreon.com/dumpedidum and find support the show for $2. Candida Beaching and David Martin have joined the Mary Bander contributors this month. Thank you. Two, if you want to simply donate, you can go to www.dumpedidum.com and hit the donate button on the right. Chloe Sastry, we'd like to thank you for just doing that in the last seven days. Now, order of the Dumpedidimfence news. A listeners propose the name change. She says, she'll be the Dumpedidlers. I think that's much better, Lucy. That's very cute. She said, she was listening to it in a card. She said, "Dumbly Diddlers, you are," says all the worst of that effect. I, for one second, that name change Freeman. What says you, sir? I don't know. Sir? I agree, Madam. Yes, marvellous. Smashing. All right. Dumbly Diddlers, it is. Remember to get in contact. You can send us a voice message via @speakpipe, which is on our website or you can call us at 220-3-031-3-1-0-5 to leave us a telephone type message, or you can find us on the Twitter swear. We're at Dumbly Dump or you can tweet me on @ROYfield or me @LucyV Freeman or Sarah Smith at Sarah_Smith. Hmm. Good. Any parting comments, Freeman? No. And a big think, then. And no. Oh, I've just thought of something I meant to say about with a spoon's call. I'm so sorry, Royce. This is going to be an absolute nightmare. Basically, cut all this up into five second bits, throw it all in the air and whatever order it lands in it. It's probably going to make more sense than I've been today. All right. Is that what's done? I think it is. Good. That's assignment. I'll await the photographer and do a last minute spruce up. And then after that, I'll edit this. Okie dokie. And I'll try and find some way to have a thing. And then I'll whack you with what I come up with. Okay. And are we doing this Jane Peroni? Oh, yeah. 915. 915. Is that what it said on? I think. 'Cause she said she was rushing back from the school run. Yes, yeah, yeah. That's it. That's it. That's it. Yeah. Alrighty. Alright. Take care. See you. Bye. Bye-bye. Holiday Shopping is here and Amazon Live has got you covered. Shop for the perfect gift from the comfort of your home with Amazon Live's shoppable video experience. Discover the hottest products from influencers and shop while you watch. This season join Candy Burris from Real Housewives in her Holiday Amazon Live series, Generation Face Off. Where Candy, her mom, Mama Joyce, and daughter Riley share their favorite stocking stuffers and go-to gifts across fashion, beauty, and more. Watch and shop new episodes of Candy series, Generation Face Off Now, by going to amazon.com/candylive. That's amazon.com/candylive. For a limited time, use promo code candylive for $5 off an eligible product featured on the first episode of the series. That's K-A-N-D-I-L-I-V-E. Promotion expires on December 25th, 2024. Limited supply of goods. Terms and conditions apply. For full promotion terms and conditions, go to amazon.com/candyterms. So good. So good. So good. So good. Perfect gifts. We've got them at Nordstrom Rack Stores now. Ugg, Nike, barefoot dreams, Kate Spade New York, and more. Finds everything on their wishlist all in one place. Steve Madden? Yes, please. It's perfect. Did we just score? The greatest gifts of all time? Yeah. 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