DumTeeDum - A show about BBC Radio's 'The Archers'

Dum Tee Dum Episode 45 – John Kop calls the shots

John Kop calls the shots

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The post Dum Tee Dum Episode 45 – John Kop calls the shots appeared first on DumTeeDum.

Duration:: 1h 32m
Broadcast on:: 10 Feb 2015
Audio Format:: other

This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. You chose to hit play on this podcast today. Smart choice. Make another smart choice with Auto Quote Explorer to compare rates from multiple car insurance companies all at once. Try it at progressive.com. Progressive casualty insurance company and affiliates, not available in all states or situations, prices vary based on how you buy. Need a holiday gift that will keep her sparkling all year long? Blue Nile, the original online jeweler, has experts on hand 24/7 who can help you find the perfect piece. Beyond that, Blue Nile makes the gifting experience easier than ever, with guaranteed free shipping and returns as well as a wide assortment of jewelry of the highest quality, at the best price. Right now, get 30% off jewelry at Blue Nile dot com. That's Blue Nile dot com for 30% off. Blue Nile dot com. [MUSIC] This podcast is a Royfield Brown production. Find others on iTunes. All right, ladies and gentlemen, please remain standing for the singing of our national anthem. [MUSIC] It's written as just a small island that no one pays attention. A former colony won the wake to determine its own destiny. [MUSIC] Hello, and welcome to Mid-Atlantic, the show where we look at the news and the views from one side of Atlantic from the perspective of the other. My name is Royfield Brown, and I'm ably assisted by my two brothers from another mother. Over in Dublin, we have-- Mid-Atlantic, political and cultural chit chat from across the pond. Find it on iTunes, Stitcher, and all other good podcatchers today. This episode of Dumb D'Dar is sponsored by Little You Like on the Fellowship Road. The chap's called hammered, and he's so lovely. He doesn't mind if you come in twice a day. Don't tell anyone, thank you very much. Hi, it's Jim Bay, I'm 11, and I'll be playing this tune on our homemade kazoo. [MUSIC] So, what's occurring in Loose the Land? We're not allowed to talk, by the way. Because of John Cop. [LAUGHTER] He does not want to know what we do at the weekend. Well, he just needs to just fast forward a bit, doesn't he? He does, yes. Anyway, listen, we need to crack on, because John Cop is now producing the show. Yeah, sorry, John, yeah. So, and we've got to keep it clean this week. Have we? Do we get in trouble? Well, I just get the feeling that we're disturbing the equilibrium of Middle England with talk of juicers, juicers, and the National Health Service. Okay. People don't want to know. They're all boopered up, and they all get a church, so they don't want to know. My mum wants to make it clear that she does not fall asleep in the middle of us, by the way. And she managed to stay awake, for honest shit, because she now doesn't listen last thing at night, because we are akin to night-nurse in our soperific qualities. Fantastic, because this is dumb to dumb to show about the reality of Ducky Driver, that ascent at an average in the heart of the Midlands. I'm the Marshwarbler, that is Royville Brown, and with me, I have the blue-footed booby, that is... Lucy Freeman. And the most part of our bird hide is you. Today's rendition of Barric Green is brought to you by Gembei. Oh, we love you, Gembei. Thank you. Lucy. Yes. Can you remind? Lovely. Lovely. Lovely listeners. Hey, for the most part, are happy with us. Mr John Cop, yes, we're coming on to you later. Remind our listeners, haven't we, the accolade, have dumped the dumber of the week, because it's prestigious. It's like getting a Grammy. It is. Only without the awful dresses. Um, yes. If you'd like to give Ed a hand with his full fat, ring us on O2O3, O3-1-3-1-0-5. The ship is sailed. The cows are rough, it's so rough. Lucy, I was saying anything about the cows, or get in touch via Speakpike, which is playing fast and loose on our website at the moment, we're not quite sure what's going on with it. Blumming thing. Um, thanks again to the amazing Harriet, a challenge for the sponsorship messages and to Derek Fletcher for the loan of the back bedroom. Derek, did you see that work? Yeah, of Harriet and Derek. No. Yeah. It's on the Twitters. There's a picture of Harriet and Derek Fletcher, the dynamic duo of Dum-D Dum, nude, well, from the waist up. They're looking rather resplendent. Oh, yes, I did see that. I didn't really pass back to the table. It was something of a shot when I clicked on it, I have to say. Anyway, Derek is very grumpy, as won the Derby, and he's a huge Gooners fan. He watches a footballer as me, and actually, and Adam supports Spurs, so he is very happy, Ian's undecided, and Derek's been trying for ages to let him take him up the Arsenal. You mean up the Emirates? It does. The stadium's called the Emirates. No, because if you go and see the team, whoops, Jesus, I'm sorry, did that just go through your mic? We're a slick team. Yeah, I've just got everything eyeing. That Harry Keen, he won it for him, didn't he? He did. And he's only the first one, wasn't it? Yeah, dead young as well. But anyway, this is not the Guardian football podcast with James Richardson. No. He's dumpty-dum. Clearly, as I don't know the name of the stadium, I'm fairly sure it's slightly more than me, anyway. Of course, this week come from Yoko Bear, who gets frustrated by hippies, Jennifer Turner, who alight Robert's twitching. I must be so did I, actually. I love that episode. Monique, who thinks that we are all brain-watched. She's a first-time caller in, I think, isn't it? Yes. Oh. Colin, she didn't call in. She emailed. Oh, okay. All right. Oh, Karl, Giannis, a Johansson, who sees Ian's future. John, cut. Yeah, your miserable booger, John, who doesn't want to know what we do for the weekend. But anyway, Sardine Tyn, oh, that's got to be a first-time caller in a runner, I never ever heard of them before. You can't figure out why Matt chose Costa Rica. Jojo's sexy heels, who got a very late calling just underneath the wall, so well done there, Jojo. No way, but reverse the type with their foot fetish-liking and dusty, oh, you know, everybody, I love my dusty. Dusty, who's baffled by Bert, but first, before all that, let's see what Lucy V. Freeman has through her binoculars. Lillian has decided that Matt has gone off with some little tart. She decided to have a good long think with some gin and thought herself into total incoherence until Jenny moved her into home farm, much to the annoyance of Brian's dodgy back who had to lug Lillian's flock of flamingo's wig collection and pocket distillery into home farm. Brian is concerned that too much exposure to women will somehow affect his masculinity. To be fair, the main exposure he has had to women in the past has been conducted during the process of rogering them thunderously. So when faced with his wife, daughter, sister, nor and granddaughter, all living with him, he just went completely to pieces and ran to the pub. There he found Jimus and Robert Snell, looking at their copy of the board, such a book of great tits, which didn't make things any easier for him, but temporarily forgot he was married and mulched killer to Boggins Lady Garden. He went brrrr, quite a lot, and then they had a quick one too in her sitting room. David and Ruth have ordered their robot Wilkers, Metal Nicky will be arriving shortly and David is sounding as enthusiastic as Nigel Farage in a mosque. He is getting metal micky, but terrible, I know, I know. David is getting shirty with his very caring family, saying, "We are so handsome!" I also hated K9 as well, there was something about... Oh, come on, there was something about that kind of sci-fi rubbish, special effects, you know British kind of 70s, 80s, K9, Metal Nicky, it was just all very poor, I'd just hear it. There's never a tin opener around when you want one. Oh, yes, David is getting shirty with his caring family, who are saying, "We are so handsome!" So we are going, goo-ooh, but when can we have our money, when, when, when, when? Kenton has spent his on a leopard-skin private jet to take him to Australia, Elizabeth is having a vibrating foreposter installed in Lower Locksley, and Schuller is installing an equine sauna and jacuzzi so the horses can be all nice and relaxed and toned before some over-privileged little sod goes bouncing around on them. It's a bit harsh actually, I booked into this, this California and San Francisco type person, and actually what they do, they do therapy, equine therapy, and I said, "What's that?" Arthritis and stuff, isn't it? Arthritis and for kids with autism. Oh really? How they come out of this jet? It's with autism, I'm going to go to the stables and swim in an equine pool, are they? No. It's really, it's, no, but you said they're all over-privileged, and I'm saying they're not all over-privileged, the people that like do stuff on horses go bouncing on the back of horses, because actually what she does, she, so she's, she teaches them how to ride, but there's, there's something about riding, but also being close to an animal that helps bring kids out of themselves and teaches them basically how to emote through, through another animal, through a horse, so they're not all over-privileged. Some of them have severe social relationship issues, and I'm just pointing that out to you. But I bet they are in Borcestershire. Fair point. Yes. The state of campaign. Because there's no working class people there, we're actually, no, but we've got, um, come, crumbs. What's Mike's little- Bethany. Yeah. So there are some. Oh, come on. No. Because they're moving to Birmingham. They're not even going to beat there anymore, right? Fair point. Fair point. I'll get us down corrected. All right. God, crack on Lucy. The safe campaign against Route B, Kate says, is a campaign against the movement of all indigenous peoples for Silly Cow. People will be looking at this all over the world. It's a, it's a takes half of a global campaigning. Look, there's someone there from East Anglia. Neil is continuing his new passive aggressive behaviour. He's starting to enjoy it now. Whenever Tom asks him anything, he goes, yeah. And sounds like a cross between a very old lawnmower being started up and Michael Gordon. Thebes that went to visit Roy. She brushed away the cockroaches, the crumpled tissues and the copies of Fiesta from the sofa sat down and had an awkward chat, which although cringy on a cosmic scale, was still less chilly than the sub-zero chat text she has with Kate. And then we had that twice weekly continuity announcement, and now the archers and Ed get some bad news. Mike is flogging off the milk round and Ed is not even being thrown in as by a pint and get a Grundy offer. More angst at average organics, Tina does not have your flair for retail, said Pat to Helen. The way you put the carrots in the box, the way you casually screw your organic mong beams about the floor and where the turnips are the earrings, Tina said it is not her fault the shop is in the mess as reps keep bringing her stuff and she has to fight her way past 14, 8 foot cubble, cut out some dancing mushrooms to get to the stock cubes. To be fair, you know you will kind of like slightly belittling Helen there about when she puts the carrots. Yeah. The retail is all about detail. But how much can you make someone think, oh do you know, do you know what, I wasn't going to buy any carrots but now- Listen this psychology of shop retail is absolutely legion and you absolutely can. Do not mock how people lay out their carrots and their brussel sprouts and then where you put the special offers and you know the little gophers which are right by the till, you will massively increase your shop turnover by the detail of where you put things in retail. And I cannot stress to you Lucy, how wrong you are there. Seriously, it is a massive science, it is an absolute art and a science, it is the two things combined. Okay. Mmmm. Mmmm. Mmmm. Lighting as well. Lighting and... My carrots. Yeah. Oh come on. Right. You have the right bit of like backlighting, you know, for you know, and a nice, nice pointy carrot. Right. It looks more attractive. Like the look of that, I will have some of them, as opposed to, it is all pitch black, you cannot see the buggers and you go past them. Retail or about detail and pitch black. Listen. And that comes from Michelle Dawson who listens religiously to Dumpty Dum and she always tells me retail, Royfield, it is all in the detail and she knows her stuff so I could not let that one go. There you go Michelle. You have got your mention on Dumpty Dum, crack on Lucy. Then Tina got caught by environmental health, stuffing the olives with bogeys. So hella, when Tina tied you up. Which that with no time to cook the four course meal with a moose, bouche and petty four, which Rob seems to expect for breakfast, lunch and dinner. She was then late for the dance practice at the bull. Vicky wanted everyone to watch her strong top line, Joe Grundy watched it so intently, he sprained his prostate and had to be carried off the pitch injured. Dannekin Skywalker is in Operation Grupy Dagger or something in which he apparently has to play the entire civilian population of the UK, which is a bit of a big ask. Hilariously, Kate, a woman who could wrap her ankles around her ears but not her brain around the concept of working for a living, had to go at Thebes for being unreliable and flaky. Thebes responded by saying, "Shut up you're not my real mum, oh no I'm on you are." Johnny had passed all his exams, he got an A-star in bullfighting and weeding and a distinction in inappropriate enthusiasm. Now David's given up doing any actual farming, he's drifting around the village trying to get people to have lunch with him. Adam turned in down like a bedspread, as he was off to meet Charlie in the woods and get him to look at his trench. "Everything just keeps getting washed away," said Charlie, Adam recommended all brand. Then Charlie moved neatly on to, "I want a husband like you have got, if you get bored of Ian can I be next?" and Adam said, "Goodness no, oh all right then, so that's that." And now, the big news that has shaken Ambridge to the core, Underwoods is out of chilly oil. It's obviously linked to the water springing up all over brookers and the 1930s outdoor dairy, obviously. I have now become a complete paranoid fantasies like Jennifer and every time there's another non-sequitur, I say aha and non-significantly. So basically, Ed Grundy will take over the outdoor milking and the land will be found to be riddled with chilly oil springs, which just in Eliot will harness somehow and turn the whole of Lakey Hill into a calzone pizza, obviously, the end. "I don't think that's going to happen actually Lucy." I don't think that's going to happen either brook field. I do think there's some bollocks going on with this water thing and the sooner they figure it out, the better. And Ed just got to take over the outdoor dairy because why are we spending? Why have we just spent 10 minutes on a radio soap looking at photos? Yeah. It was as bad as when we were looking at paint colours and they were all white. How scary. I don't know how to get away with it sometimes. I really don't. It's like they're waiting for the commissioner to go, "Lidgett, they're doing what?" No, come on, no, hang on, all right, that's enough. We've all had a bit of a laugh on a bit of fun, but now let's stop this, it's ridiculous. I have been feeling somewhat emotional. I got all emotion a couple of times this week because of Ed and everybody's been saying he's a deadbeat and the bloke's not a deadbeat, he's just fighting against economics and it's just tough and he's worked, he's knackers off and looks seen with him talking to his dad. Yeah. You know, I shouldn't say it but I am. There was also yesterday's with him talking to his granddad and I was just... Well I still, the granddad is having to move out into Meadow Rise. I still think was one of the saddest. It was sadder than the death because it was like the death of a whole family when they had to leave the farm and everything and it was so unbelievably moving and whenever it comes back to that I can, you know, I'd start to feel all sort of emotional again and when they, you know, and it's happening to Ed again but he's done nothing wrong. No, he's done nothing wrong and actually he's, in terms of, he's made, he's just about ahead of the curve here in terms of it, he's making a bit of business decision just at the one time. Yeah. He's jumping before he's pushed isn't he? Exactly. Yeah, he can sell the herd and steal powerfies that isn't just about to come out on top but he knows, you know, which direction things are going and... But he's correct as to have moved out of, um, of the Ambridge view, isn't he? Because now he's having to pay all this flippin rent even though it's reduced to Will. He should have just stayed where he was. But you are right. There's going to be something where we all know that David and Ruth aren't going and David is, you know, all the clues of that is that emotionally he just can't make them move. He's not going to be able to move. Yeah. Isn't David sounding grumpy? He's sounding grumpy than I've ever heard him. And he's just fed up. And even he's been grumpy when Pips going, "No, it's only £348 billion, Dad, you?" And, you know, just... He sounds a whole lot older than that. It's good. Yeah. It's good. Yeah. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. Yeah. She's all excited about the... And you can just hear the brakes. He's putting his anchor down. Now, you can hear the brakes going on where he's thinking, "This is all feeling so wrong." And even Jill's going, "Well, that's good. Isn't it?" When he's talking about the robot milkers, he sort of went, "Ooh," and it was an unbelievably non-committal. It's horrible because it's all going to go wrong, and it's like watching a car crash in slow motion. Now, can I say, right, if there is a couple of blokes, couple of old varts, right, talking about birds, and I mean like the winged variety, right, if they're talking about birds and it maintains my interest, there's some skillful script writing going on there, right. I love that, right. I didn't understand what the hell was going on, right, but I just loved every minute of it. You know, I just... It was just golden for me. So... I think it's... This whole... You know, I went out for a drink with Kerry for Davis on Friday. He wrote this whole week, and it was absolutely mad. And I said, "It's so lovely because it was all character-driven, and it was just people wittering on about Marsh, Wobbliss, and great tips, and you know, it's just... And Lillian. And Lillian... Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh. And Brian says kind of ang-ish, and he says what, there's more. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh. When he said to her, "I mean, you know, we just hear for you as long as it takes, I mean, a few days." And then he said, "Oh, Jenny's had this call from radio borsages, so she's all really excited." And Jimus said, "Oh, I wonder how Linda will take that." And Robert said, "I'll break it to her." So, it was just that tacit understanding of, "She's going to kick off, let's not talk about that because we all know that's what's going to happen, but we'll pretend that that's not going to happen, but let me just deal with it." It's not managing the women folk, I just thought it was so beautifully done. It was, it was, and I'll give these out very sparingly, so they're actually meant when they're given lovely, lovely, lovely, lovely week in Ambridge. So thank you, Mr. Uncle Kerry God Davis, because of that. Mr. Nice, can we call him Nice Smelling, Uncle Kerry God Davis? You can, because I don't know that he smells that nice, I'm not saying that he doesn't, I just don't know for a fact, I'm not taking everything that you say as gospel. Next time you see him, get up close at the personal and have a good miff. Very nice. We'll do, we'll do, now, you've got to say, we've got to say good luck to Cleo Maxwell, haven't we? Well, we may be a bit late because she's doing it today, but we hope it went well Claire. She is sitting her RHS exam wearing a team Lillian T-shirt. What, what is it? RHS exam. It's the Royal Hemorrhoid Society, now it's the Royal Horticultural Society. Oh, okay. She's sitting her, her gardening exam. Yes. Oh, okay. Well, on that note, why don't we nip over to the phone lines and see what other people have got to say about the last week in Ambridge. Hello, Ambridge 3962. Hello, Duntersdamit, Shokor Bear here. I've just listened to this week's Omnibus, a couple of things. This has kind of gone back to last week as well. Kate. Kate. I really dislike her. She's a great character though, and believe me, she's quite realistic. I lived in Brighton for 20 years, so I've known quite a few hippies in my time. In fact, she had a house for a month, very frustrating, yes, many stories to tell. Yeah, I just can't get on with the whole kind of, you know, let me align with chakras, tell you what, if anybody tried to align my chakras without, you know, my permission, they'd get a swift kick in the flaffles, to be honest with you. Kind of hating her, but kind of glad she's there, because she's really kind of put the whole, I think she's kind of almost enabled Phoebe to become a much, much better character because I'm loving Phoebe at the moment, go Phoebe. Second thing, after the Omnibus today, I thought there were three wonderful bits of dialogue. Roy's really awkward chat with Phoebe was just, I found it really endearing. I know he's a complete shit, but I just found it really that awkward father didn't know what to do, it was treading so carefully, but obviously so pleased that she'd come round, really endearing great script writing. Second one was, of course, head at the end, the chat about being brave, yeah, just it's beautiful script writing, this is what the show should be about, it should be about the characters, what they're feeling, and that kind of, you know, those conversations with others. But also as well, I thought the Adam and Charlie chat was really good as well. Just to explain so much about Charlie, about his personality, he's kind of the whole kind of workaholic thing, but also as well, you know, being a gay or bi man in a rural area, it must be difficult to meet people. So no wonder he's kind of latched onto Adam, I think they're really kind of resonated with me that did, that was really good, and I think we kind of understand Charlie a little bit more. We don't know most people think it's a shit, I've got a bit of a crush on him to be honest with you, as I've said before, so I thought this week's episode was good, yeah, I kind of enjoyed it, I'm not just kind of enjoyed it, I very much enjoyed it, I'm not sure I'm the milk bottle thing, but there's no point saying anything about it really, yeah, not quite sure where that one's going, but all in all, I thought this was a bit of a return to form, yeah, so all not quite good, so yes, thumbs up, script writers, brilliant. All right, cheers, bye. Yoko Bear, something against the tide saying he really hates Kate, and he doesn't want anyone to align his chatcruiser, if they try, he will smack him in the bush. It hasn't enabled Phoebe to become a better character, I think she's, everyone loves Phoebe at the moment, but woman at the moment, and yes, it was quite interesting, the Adam and Charlie chat, and the fact that he talks about being the only guy in the village, and all that, except clearly it's not, because he's talking to the other only guy in the village, he lives for the other one, but he's definitely the only guy in the village. Do you think he's by? It's what he said, he said he's had relationships with women, yeah, but you know, it's kind of, you can, everyone... Well, it's not allowed to hedge his bets like that. You're going to be one thing all the other. No, of course not, it's just some people will, you know, bat for the team when they want to man down, so to speak, and I... I think he might have done it because, because, you know, he felt like he should or whatever, but I think he's fairly sure where his loyalties lie. I don't know. And it's up a ponytail, quite frankly. All I know is that many bisexuals always see themselves as somewhat kind of marginalised in the kind of LGBT, I can't get the acronym right, but you know what I mean, kind of community, because as seen as a little bit suspicious. Yeah, well, it is seen that we'd have a kind of... Doubling you chances of a date on a Friday night. But yeah, I did like that conversation. I did, though, you know, that kind of power dynamic is completely kind of shifted around now, hasn't it? You know, this is the first time that Charlie has been very kind of nakedly, kind of emotionally exposed, so to speak. Yeah, yeah. And... They've all got father issues. There's Charlie going, "Oh, my dad's very ambitious for me." And Rob's saying, "Oh, it's my family, my father." There's all these daddy stuff going on. It's all very Freudian. Well, what we need then is some really good, well-written male characters then. To be fair, you know, I've been banging on the last few weeks about the fact that all the truly 3D, well-written characters are all female. I would slightly revise that and say that Brian Aldridge, actually, if you sit down and think about it, there is a, you know, that is a full-rounded character. Yeah. And that was really played out this week with, you know, helping Lillian with the move, et cetera, and him kind of being in the pub. But somebody like Robert Snell, who I absolutely love in a door, completely not to be 2D, completely not to be 2D. Love the guy, great character. And it was actually, it was the first time he's been on air, all year, listen up, he has been just voices off all the time, hasn't he? Another thing, someone mentioned earlier, unforgivable, whoever you are on Twitter, I can't remember who it is, they said, "Why has Alice never spoken to Kate? Kate's been back." You're right. For about a month? Oh, there. Where the hell is Alice? Hmm. Isn't that right? Yeah, yeah. They've kind of got to sort that out a bit. Remembering who is in the family, and maybe it's because they need to get the voices differentiated because you couldn't have... It's like you couldn't have Charlie Barber's spreadsheet talking to Tom at the minute because they sound too similar. They... You need to let the voices get... But you'd just be like, "Well, man, having a very confused conversation with himself." You need to get the voices bedded in, maybe, before you unleash someone with a similar tambourine into the scene, I don't know. Just before I completely and utterly forget, and we go off the point, but episode appearances with characters might happen who needs to get out and actually get a life, but actually sent through to us a week ago or so on our book of Face Page, all the characters up until in January 2015, all the characters had actually been in episodes of The Archers. So it was Helen Archer had been in 11, Lilliam had been in 9, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. But the interesting thing was who had actually not been on, you know? So even Bert managed to get on, but there were a whole load of characters in which Mr. Snell was one of them who hadn't actually been on the show already that year, but now he has. Yeah, so he does this every month, does Mike Hatton, and Mike, please continue to post to our book of Face Page with which characters have actually been on the show that month. I know it's a bit banana rack, but we love him for it. I think that's great, actually. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Don't think he's anorac-y at all. Let's not start pulling on that thread, and they all bloody show, and I'm rambling if you're going to start picking on people for being anorax, blimey. Right. We got another call. Hi. It's Cosmo here. Hello, gummy-dum. It's only four weeks until my next holiday, you know? I've not sent any messages recently. A combination of a broken iPad, and then your speakpiper's gone missing. An overdose of art as drama with no proper story development has meant very little to comment on, but then I think I might have been taking it all far too seriously. I do think you could sometimes use a on-hand fact checker. Recently, you could not remember that it was Christmas 1993 when Susan went to prison, and Mo Travis set a trap at Neil in early 1994. Also, Mike only buys some of the milk from Ed. The rest goes to the dairy, and I see that Muller have decided to pay farmers even less, so we should all pay more for our yoggits. 24p or less is what farmers are getting. Last week, you applaud the delivery of Phoebe, and I know Lucy Morris is with you today, and I concur with that, but Roy Field made brief reference to the writer. Mary Cutler has written for the programme for nearly always, I think, and she provided those choice words for Phoebe. This week, it has been Kerry Davis who has been the writer. In the last two weeks, I think it is no support, the construction of the interplay between the characters has been rounded and bedded in the knowledge of the characters and of the people who play them, so there has been nothing on which I can nitpick. This lack of knowledge sometimes portrays the more recent writing recruits. As a writer, I hope you will agree with me, unless, of course, you are up at the farmers at the moment. The week commenced with a masterful display by Rob showing just why he is the right man to look after Paul Helen. She has clearly found two pressures to work in the shop, or check regularly on a man's dress, and Rob was excellent in explaining this to her. It is obviously important that his food be cooked, and on the table at the right time, though the house is clean and tidy, rather than the business makes any money to pay for the dinner. However, something went wrong on Tuesday when Helen appeared to slip the leash. She was completely oblivious to his ire, and went out dancing, what revenge will he exact? On Monday, with a pleasure to have confirmation that Mike has existed, even if Vicki seems to have left the village already, I cannot visualize a world where Mike, who let me remind you, is to run the dairy at Brookfield, and then subsequently ended up cutting down lots of woods, going to happily live in a big city, nor am I getting the right support for Bethnay at Lower Loxie School would really be so difficult. Surely demonstrating that a little girl can grow up in the country would make a really good long-term background story full of character. Oh, sorry, I forgot. We only go for Megatron of these days. Hi Lucy and Roy Field, Jennifer in France here, I'm second-timer caller in her, Gente on Twitter and exile in France. Thank you for the podcast, I love it, and I've just caught up on two or three episodes because I was working away in January, so that's been a real joy. Now then, this week in the archers, I'd just like to say that Thursday's episode was an absolute joy. Any episode consisting entirely of Lillian's shoes and Robert Twitching works well for me. Brian was getting paler by the minute as Lillian brought more and more boxes out, and if you can do somebody getting paler on the radio, then that's a good thing. Secondly, this week, I'd like to talk about Charlie Barber's spreadsheet. Now I like Charlie Barber's spreadsheet, and I think he's madly in love with Adam, and they would actually probably be very well suited, but as I also like Ian, I feel a little bit a bit guilty about that. However, my highlight of the week was Rob's reaction to the idea of getting a takeaway. I would have told him to take the out-of-date, crappy food from the back of the freezer and garnish it with some moldy vegetables from the back of the storeroom, and he'd probably also have to pure it and drink it through a straw by the time I made my feelings clear. Of course, you know, Jennifer and moving everybody into home farm is just insane, but did say on Twitter about Brian or probably want to go to Costa Rica. That's pretty much it. Oh, I'm a freelance textile designer living in France, designing furnishing fabrics, and trying to get a house finished so that I can let it out for summer rentals. So that means I've got absolutely no expertise and probably no use for you for anything, really. I like the website, not the website, the podcast, I'm sorry, I keep saying website. Thank you. Take care. Jennifer Turner, she likes Charlie Bubba's spreadsheet, and she feels disloyal because she also likes Ian, and she would quite like Adam and Charlie to get it on. She loved the twitching, the watching twitching, and the Williams' shoes bit, and also she said Rob's reaction to the idea of getting a takeaway. He's starting to sort of be a bit more public in his head. It's going to take a long time before anything filters through Helen's levels of insecurity. But he is kind of being, Rob is being more upfront now about what he likes and doesn't like and how it's not actually all about Helen, because he had a bit of a, through a bit of a tantrum, didn't he? When she said you've got to pick up Henry, and he sort of, he sort of said, well, why can't you, you know, and do you, why do you have to go now? Well, that means we've got to get a takeaway and da da da da da. The sooner he, he, the sooner the cloven hoof pops out, the better, I say, because then we could all hate him and kill him with sticks, not enough demand. Hi, my name is Carl John Mr. Hansen, and my tweet has exposed, and since you want to know what we've, that listen, work with, we tell you that I've worked with infrastructure, but I'm actually an organic chemist. I'm also Swedish, so I'm probably one of your few listeners that are actually not a native English speaker. I have a plot prediction for you, and it's regarding the whole Adam Charlie Ewan story. I think that what will happen is that Rob will tell Ewan that Charlie and Adam has had a fling on the years Eve. This will happen in the Netherlands, and the result of this will be that Adam and Ian's marriage totally breaks down. Ian will be stirred at the level of sleep. He will also leave anguish. This will have a balance effect for Rob, but Helen will not be totally isolated, and also who keep his script writers if they write to write him out. I think this will happen probably in the next month or so. That was all. Keep up good work. Love and podcast. Thank you. Karl Jonas Johansson is a first-time caller in the row, and an organic chemist and Swedish to boot. Nobody can say we don't go for the exotic. And delivered this call not in his mother tongue. Made the way of saying, didn't he? Yes, he did, and he also delivered it in an airport on the runway judging by the noise quality that Adam has. He says that Rob will tell Ian on Valentine's night that Charlie and Adam had a fling, and that Ian will leave his job at Lower Locksley and disappear. I hope not, because I do like Ian, but I can't really see... He's a character heading... You've been gay men all living in the same village, I can't... One of them's got to go. Well, two and a half gay men, because Charlie's kind of is a bit kind of... I could go this way, I could go that way. That's the noise, that's the noise that Neil started making. Sounds like a dog when he wants to come in and he's raining. I do feel that old Ian is heading for a character called Disack. Yeah, he's just an actually, though we all love Ian, hasn't he just been a saint and perfect? And you know, that's the way he's been written, he's kind of too good really to be true. Yeah. But hey. But hey. Which might be part of the problem with Adam, why Adam wants to go off and duck elsewhere. I don't think Adam's just slightly, slightly around he goes, though it has to be said, right, I sat down and thought about this the other day, because you know, I always bang on about how this kind of a weedy, soft, brummy kind of voice, and I wish I could be all manly. Hmm. He'd done off sound like a very cool, refined, 60 spy, doesn't he, Adam? He has the... He does! He's got a great... Yeah. You know. It's even more beautiful voice. Really? Which, yeah. Rob has a gorgeous voice, it's just, it's ruined by what comes out of it. It's not sense. It's not sense. You can't, but when he was at the Dunte-Dum Awards, and he spoke before he went on purpose sinister and sort of said, but I'm sure, and all that, and I thought, oh, hello, hello, I thought. Gorgeous voice. Right, and now a female from Monique, who says, she's made a very good point. Why do we all believe there is something not quite right with Jess? Have we all been brainwashed by Rob? She has seemed quite sane to me every time I heard her speak, except she's been married to Rob for so long, but they got together quite young. Rob is the one who says she's disturbed, and we've been believing him. But you think she's, she's a bit of a nut job for me. She, the way she turned up at the cottage that time, number one, number two, was that conversation with Rob, now look, Rob's bonkers. So, you know, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that he's the, the, the wronged part in all of this, you know, the man's evil. And as you keep on saying, he's got a cloven hoof, you know, he is a blsy bubble or something or another. However, you know, there, that conversation a few weeks back, and she could have very clearly said, Rob, there was that time we did the do, blah, blah, blah. She didn't. She kept on saying, you are my husband, you are my child's father, you know, which is the clue which the script writer has given us to say that, you know, or everything isn't quite adding up, you know, so that clue has been laid and it wasn't, you know, it didn't go, you know, I noticed it and so did other people. She's not quite right. And that time when she barged in, you know, with Helen, there was, as you say, it's all kind of passive, aggressive, it was all kind, it was all slightly peculiar. She is, you know, she has been wronged, Rob did go off and, you know, they're saying, do Helen behind her back and you've just got to move to the village and, and there's something weird with their relationship in that, you know, you didn't mention her for a long time, you know, worlds that we didn't even move to, and so yeah, but there's, there's another dimension to all of this. And I'm in it for the ride, but I just kind of want it to slightly speed up a little. Yeah. Yeah. Just a little. Not too much. Well, we kept thinking, didn't we? It'll all, it'll all happen at Christmas, whatever, it's going to happen to Christmas. Yeah. And then whatever happens to happen at New Year's Eve. And then it's Valentine's Day. And then you begin to think, I'll tell you what, should we just go for, you know, the the first landing on Mars by, you know, humans, that would be good. Talking about landings on Mars. I saw Interstellar because it's a great film, beautiful. Well, John Copper will be riding again. Oh, no. He says he doesn't want to hear what we did at the weekend before we start the show. That was fun, the contention, nothing. So we'll talk about what we did at weekend all the way through the show. Absolutely. He's getting his wish, he's getting his wish. Yeah, what you wish for, John Copper. Hello, it's Dusty Substances here, the wrong sort of listener. I've been out of the loop for a couple of weeks because we've had all sorts going on domestically. However, I'm fairly baffled by Bert and Joe vying for Carol's affections. As you know, I'm not baffled by Joe, he does that sort of thing, doesn't he? I'm such Canadian woman and I think it's Marjorie Antropas, could have got that wrong. But Bert, he's married, he's married to Frieda. Why is he dancing with Carol and why is Joe getting all antsy about it? I don't understand. And he is getting a bit saucy because he's talking about bedding plants and well-lotted manure, which I think is probably what passes for a decent chat-up technique amongst the rural elderly. I can only assume that Carol has been adding skunk to his tea. There really is no other explanation, I don't think. So, yeah, if someone could sort that out for me, that would be fab. I'm most engaged with Phoebe at the moment. I have a secret. I used to struggle with dull, saggy skin. Then I found spoiled child's E27 liquid collagen. 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To be. Forging ahead together drives Colorado's pioneering spirit at Chevron. We donate funding and volunteer thousands of hours in support of the community's we call home. We also employ our neighbors to deliver the energy needed as the state's largest oil and natural gas producer. All to help improve lives in our shared backyard. That's Energy in Progress. Visit Colorado.chefron.com. The moment she is absolutely and utterly heroic. She's saying all those things to Kate that we have been shouting at the radio for some years. Although Kate is impressive, I didn't think you could create a believably subtle stereotype. But there she is, she's absolutely amazing and this is the stuff we want so I'm quite happy to let Dave and Ruthie do whatever they want, preferably in Prada. But more of Phoebe, I think Phoebe is the future. Anyway, love to you all and that's it from me, bye bye. Dusty Substances, your chief lady. I don't know if she's my chief lady. Is she not? No, no, no, I run, it's a bit of a commune I got with my girls. No one is actually first, you know, though she might be slightly the first amongst dequos. We don't run a hierarchy, no, no, no, no. Except you are obviously chief. Chief one. Well, chief, anything. If it's not a hierarchy, you're saying they are not in a hierarchy, they're all a collective. We're a collective. That's what we are. Me and my girls were a collective. Have you asked them whether they're a collective? Listen, they're all happy to be there. It seems to be a bit of a benign dictatorship from what I can even have. Oh, talking about my lovely ladies, the posse, God is David. The posse. Take that out! Well, talking about the pussy posse, there's been a pussy riot because God is David. She's not happy about the fact that she's not one of my lovely ladies. To be fair, God is David is a small born of fury, just looking for a cause. Whatever you'd have done, somehow somebody would have got her in the neck when she's got her dander up. So, God this, I'm really sorry. I don't know what happened. I thought she looked great in her ears. Did you not see her? Yes. She's in her picture with her baseball tee. Tienian. Yeah. She looks stunning. This is a little bit of backlight. She's all kind of a little bit fuzzy and she looked great and her hair's all kind of curly and she's looking mmm, mad at fine. So, your application to be one of Royal's lovely ladies, membership number, actually, I think she's membership number number three, but it was lost in the post, you know, now the Royal Mail's gone privatized, you know, it's just service gone way down, way down. And it's purely an administrative oversight. So, God is David, you are officially one of my lovely ladies. So, chillax, you're in the team. I'm sure that will come as a great relief to you, God is David. I'm sure. Well, if she was the one she was kicking off on any sleepless nights worrying whether or not she could join your cock-eyed R.E.M. anyway, why do you have to put the word cock into that? Cock-eyed, I said. Yeah, but you are, come on, we know what you're alluding to. It's not about that. Okay. We sit around the campfire, we tell stories, you know, we hold hands and just generally commune. You know, it's not about that. Oh, your head is a terrifying place, isn't it? Again, with the thinly veiled sexual reference. Ooh, that absolutely was not. Hey, well, come on. What head are you referring to? The one whibbling around on your weirdo little neck. Okay. Good. All right. Right. Dusty substances. Carol and Joe. Just as you don't have a team of boys. Shut up. She said there's much too much. Easy to doormass wasn't at all bothered, you were like that. He wasn't, I said, no. Cheerio man. Never mind. Carol and Joe, Dusty substances says there's much too much chat about wedding plants with Carol and Joe and Carol and Bert and Bert's forgotten he's married. But she's very delighted with Phoebe and says she is heroic, which I agree. Hello, dumpy-dum. This is Julie, aka Sardine Chin. It's been a while since my last, um, and admittedly first call, but I've been organised and made myself a list. I don't really work without lists, so I have a list of things that I wanted to get off my chest for a change. So without further ado, here are 10 random things about the arches. Number one, matte, Costa Rica, bit of a weird one, this one, purely by coincidence. My boss recently spent a week in Costa Rica, which is, um, odd in itself, there's a long story behind it, and according to him, it's a place full of jungles, mosquitoes, really dodgy liquor and extra cane smugglers. So what the hell is my course actually doing there? I mean, surely if he was just going to run away somewhere tropical, he'd have been better off going to Jamaica. I mean, at least there are direct flights and you don't have to go tracking 30 days through the jungle, but I suppose if you don't want to be found, then perfect. Anyway, number two, Roy and Kate, hmm, now, much as I'm convinced that actually this is probably quite unlikely to happen, I'd love to actually see those two reunited by the mutual, oh, spisal from their daughter and their shared love of extra marital sex. I mean, Kate keeps going on about the special connection, the two of them hard, right? So how about they are reunited and a storm of self-indulgent, snot and sackcloth? Maybe? Maybe not. Anyway, thirdly, I nodded vigorously at goddess diva's comments last week on the podcast on cat ears. However, I did want to point out that surely it's a parent's duty to embarrass their children, especially teenagers. My children aren't quite old enough to be at the teenage stage, but I'm personally looking forward to making it by life's mission to be as embarrassing for them as possible. And fourthly and finally, fetish fairs and juices, just felt in it really, let's face it. It's a good job that my eldest daughter, who is nine, is actually really getting into the archers, doesn't listen to this podcast. Well, loving it as always, that's it. Bye for now. And Julie Sardine-Tin said, "Why is Matt in Costa Rica? It's damp and humid and rainy and it's full of cocaine smugglers. And maybe that's what Matt is. But if he was a cocaine smuggler, he wouldn't need to take all millions money because he'd be loaded as they all seem to be quite rich. And she wants Roy and Kate to get back together." Actually, I'm going to get lambasted for this, but there we go. I felt sorry for Roy. I think having Kate there puts everybody into light relief. And when you've got somebody as awful as her, anybody else who isn't her comes as rare and refreshing fruit. So she was, I felt very relieved when Phoebe went to see Roy and told her mother to get knotted because I honestly, yeah, he made a massive mistake and boy is he paying for it. No, absolutely. And whereas Roy's mistake was one mistake, Kate's life has been a mistake so far, really. And she won't admit it. She won't say. No, it's not. She won't admit it. She doesn't see it. She doesn't see it. No, no, she doesn't see it. It's that self-delusional thing. Oh, yeah. By the way. Yes. You can't have a call from Witherspoon. You do, don't we? No. Did he? Didn't he call this week? No. Good afternoon, Lucy and Royfield and Dundee Dumbers from Witherspoon in New York City. It's February and just a word about the weather here. We're having a second consecutive deep freeze of a winter with temperatures hardly ever getting above freezing with lots of snow and ice. A good thing that Angus Haggis has several codes to choose from. Today, he's in a Scottish tartan. I can't wait for an ambrage spring and the May Day celebration. I should mention that I record this on Wednesdays just a day after listening to your podcast so I can't comment on a good bit of the ambrage going on leading to the new one. But what a great podcast or last one was. My compliments to the both of you. Your free associations about rubber, S&M and dungeons were hilarious. Keep up the good work, but remember your conversations are not private and confidential. I know you want me to shine my analytic light on Titchinab this week. You know, knob is not a slang for phallus that we use in the states. We use the nickname for Richard. I first learned your term when I watched Love Actually and Colin Fristle said he's got a big knob. So, on to ambrage business. I very much enjoyed White Spirits analysis of Rob and to think the two of us can work together, though not in Royfield's dungeon, and some husband wouldn't approve. Well, I don't believe that Rob has a sociopathic personality, maybe just to trade here and there. I do think that he is pathologically insecure as White Spirit noted, arising from being brought up by a cold, distant and critical mother in the shadow of a more accomplished brother. Perhaps there was other craziness going on as well. This insecurity leads to the need to form an idealized family and to control loved ones. When rejected, anxiety leads to anger which leads to rage. When Helen had to leave him to go back to ambrage organic yesterday, if you noticed, he momentarily became anxious, which was then followed by anger. I actually think that Rob wanted the store to succeed so that it doesn't disturb his happy little family. His level of rage toward Jess for standing up to him is growing and growing, and Helen's dependency issues fall right into place for him. I really want Jess's baby to be his, with a great drama of it, but I am worried about both Helen and Henry's safety if things blow up. Rob has embraced the role of being Henry's father, which ordinarily would be a good thing, just a little bit too much for my comfort. You know, when Rob first appeared on the scene, the script writers presented a bit more balanced view of him, but he has steadily devolved into a one-dimensional evil character. Remember, it's similar to the way they briefly wrote Lillian's Paramore Paul. He went from normal to controlling crazy, in no time before his untimely death. Now just a word about the actress who plays Phoebe, I can't wait for her interview. As someone who works a lot with teenagers, I can say that she's been spot-on in her reactions to her father and Kate, so great job. Of course, teenagers get angry and yell at their parents when upset. Nothing unusual about that, and it was refreshing to hear. Characters on the archers hardly ever directly confront each other. When Jennifer was too subtle yesterday, I think that the line, "Sometimes I wish you could hear the words that come out of your mouth" was totally lost on Kate. In true address last week's discussion, I would say that Kate's thoughts are somewhere in that ambiguous realm between conscious lies and self-delusions as with any narcissist. Well, it's time for lunch. I don't have a pub like the bull to go to, so I guess I'll settle for some hot soup. Until next time, bye-bye. You know last week, I said we should have Witherspoon's Corner. Dusty, my lovely Dusty. She has concurred, and half of the book of face is concurred, and we do need Witherspoon's Corner. Yeah. So I'm a thinking, Mr Witherspoon, you should call in when you can, and we should have a little kind of in-treatment session, and you say, "And now we're going to have Roy Tucker on the psychiatrist's couch." And he just talks for two, three minutes about Roy and that'd be cool. And then next week, we do another one, another character, but everybody wants Witherspoon's Corner. Yeah. And if we can have the pooch, Bob-- Except, apparently, Witherspoon. [LAUGHTER] Who's the first time I've ever had to do it, never rung in the game? No, he's running twice. He's talking about it. [LAUGHTER] No, he said, "Let's have Witherspoon's Corner, and then he's silent as the grave." Hmm. Hmm. Well, I think now, you know, it's not just Dust asking for it, it's Dusty and half of the interview. My pocket is a mask. Yes. All right. And you don't piss us off Witherspoon, so let's get your ass, get calling, stop fart us in about real patience, we need you. [LAUGHTER] Yes. My copperfish, my copperfish, doesn't matter. It's fine. The most important thing is us. Mm-hmm. Uh, should we do John Cop? Now we're talking about psychopaths. [LAUGHTER] That's a bit harsh. [LAUGHTER] Sorry. We love you really. We love you really, by darling. He says that he's worried about us having another actress or actor on the show, because with our track record, is it not like giving someone the black spot? [LAUGHTER] I hope the actor who played Lucas has plenty of other work. We are never likely to hear him again. Um, and he said, I will, this is, I don't know quite like this, I will take Lucy's tent flax with me to the grave, he says. [LAUGHTER] But is there a way I can start with that rather than listen to you two spending 10 minutes chatting about what you did at the weekend? No, there is not John. Tough. Well, okay, right, um, slightly serious point here, right, and I think, um, there's a little bit of, uh, we need to make the distinction between what we do and a radio show. And I think, um, some people think, well, it's a radio show is good. [LAUGHTER] That's, sorry. No, that's not true. We're very good, aren't we? Aron. Well, oiled machine. You know that. Yes. All right, so a radio show typically runs to a specific length and, um, has one topic that it deals with, and because it runs to a specific length, um, you know, they just, that's what they talk about, full stop, um, we are a podcast. And so our length varies because we, we, we would not in a broadcast schedule. So if we want it to be three hours long, keeping three hours long, if we want it to be two minutes long, it'll be two minutes long. But I think the other kind of big distinction is this is a fans podcast. So, um, and what we are trying to, uh, kind of get over is the fact that we are a community of like-minded people. And I suppose kind of conductors in chief are Lucy and I, uh, and this, um, and be, and the vibe very much is two mates having a chat over a carafe of vegan, macrobiotic, uh, wine. Now, yes, Lucy and I seem to pull this off quite well because we can't stand each other. But the vibe generally is that we kind of do. And, and it's very kind of conversational. Now, I know that's for some people, they're like, we'll just talk about the show. But it's a conversation of people who have brought together by a love of the arches, but that is not the only thing which is kind of going on in our lives in our world. However, I take the point though, Mr. Cop, that if we banter on loads before we actually start the show, that some people can get lost in the weeds. And especially if you are and to the NHS and you want it to be closed down or whatever you go, oh, it's political propaganda. Well, tough. It's my podcast. I'd do whatever I want. So if you don't like it- Yeah, but I just hated it. What are you doing? I don't know. Maybe what are these ladies if you don't care for? But no. You'll be sitting around the campfire all demand. But there is, there is a, you know, I do take the point and this is what I will do. I'm going to curtail the length of the verbiage before we officially start the show, just to a minute or so, if we do it at all, and we'll keep all the nonsense talk to, to kind of afterwards in the post after the, after we say goodbye. So I do slightly take the point and if we go on for 10 minutes talking about the American health care system, some people, I thought I tuned in to some of you talk. You can talk about the arches, but it's a podcast. We will go off on tangents. We will talk about whatever you want to, but we'll always, but the arches will always be at the core. We will not be the only thing we talk about. Next caller. Hang on. I just want to read this, this point that he makes because it really made me laugh. Number four. I get a lot of pleasure from the show. My wife thinks I am mad. We draw the curtains like the fire, wrap our pensioners blankets around us and wait for the valves to warm up. I don't know whose valves. So we listen to the arches on the wireless at 702. I proceed to tell her the latest conspiracy theories from your show, which he takes as fact to do a little light comes on and she calls me a fantasies. I love that John. That's very good. And he says, if you don't behave, I will ring up and leave you a monologue on the impact of the EU, common agricultural policy on British farm economics. Yes, there's a three and a half. And of course, oh, apart from the one you heard and I didn't, which was Jojo's sexy heel. Hello, you two. It's Jojo's sexy heels here. Firstly, really sorry. I've been away for a couple of weeks and trying to catch up with the arches and dumpty dum has been a bit of a marathon hoping I'm going to squeeze into this week's episode. So having listened to three episodes of dumpty dum back to back. So comment about last week's episode this week or should I say episode 42. Roy Field was remembering his favourite advert for Ready Breck. My favourite advert I thought I would share with you, you're not going to be surprised to hear this. It was for start right shoes. There were a number of children trying on shoes and saying, when I grow up, I want to be a foreman, when I grow up, I want to be a nurse, et cetera, et cetera. The final little girl tried on a pair of lovely red sandals and said, "And when I grow up, my mummy says, 'I'm going to be a proper little madam.'" It's where my love of shoes began. Well, back to the arches. I have to say, I am of course Team Lillian and let's all remember, old is gold. We need a new love interest for Lillian and fast. The only man around with any sort of money seems to be just an idiot. And to be honest, he'd probably be right up her street, so bring on the next uber wealthy man and bring our little's heart a flutter. I'm going to miss you, Tiger. RIP Matt. This last week, I absolutely love Jenny Darling giving Kate an admonishment, though I can't quite work out why some of the cast are now speaking so fast. We seem to be expecting a more normal, slow, rural speech pattern, but it's all getting a bit eastenders. Slow it down, guys. I know it's only 12 minutes an episode, but 12 minutes and 5 seconds sound a lot better. Next question. Why is Carol relishing being the sex object of Joe Grundy and Bert Fry? My God, it should be Roy. She's looking to attract not these old men. I think it's time for a Valentine's Love potion. Let's get out those herbs. It's also good for me to hear that there's been a business opportunity that's been missed to date. No chili oil left in Underwood's. I'm sure that St. Jill's going to be bottling the local rapeseed oil with some of those bridge farm chili peppers. They'll be selling them in bridge farm organics faster than that. Finally, I have to remind listeners, including the delicious Witherspoon and his Cockapoo, that we did actually have a doctor in the village. It was Chavorn's husband, whose name escapes me, but he was the one who was cook-olded by Brian Oldridge, and we ended up with Rory. Haven't had a doctor since then. Still loving everything that you two are doing, Royfield and Lucy. Keep it up. Because of all the pleading that I've done, I'm now the proud recipient of two dumpty-dum t-shirts, one in black and one in white, and apparently, there's another gift in the post. So keep it all going. I'm really looking forward to the 50th episode when we can all raise our glasses to you both, and I'll be getting onto the donations page after I hang up now. She caught up on some old dumpty-dums, and the one where I was talking about Reddy Breck being a trades descriptions act, and she remembered some old advert where some little girl talks about shoes, and she said that's where it all started. Yeah, but other than that, I can't quite remember what you said there. It was a great call though, I'm sure. And you went on, but she'd been on her holidays, and she sent through on some form of social media. It must be in the book of Face, or maybe because now we're friends on the book of Face. But there's a lovely picture of her looking all kind of radiant and lovely, and she's a lovely looking woman, she's cracking. So well done to you, and well done for having a holiday, and well done for coming back and let's see the dumpty-dumpty-dum, so well done. It's like hospital radio. Right. We're going to do the top five of the archers #beatsoftheweek. What's that supposed to mean? Because I feel like that's a bit of a slight. Well done for going on holiday and well done for coming back. Did you ever listen to Radioactive? No. Years ago. It was a very, very big, it was Angostate, and it was a very funny programme about it. It was a very, very, very terrible radio station, and he said we'd like to go to a record request here from Nancy Bartlett, who's 111, or no, she's ill. It's really made me laugh. Anyway. All right. Well, I'm on that. What ever happened to him? He's kind of fallen off the radar, hasn't he? Well, yeah. Well, various drug scandals, I think, pushed him off the radar. Oh. Nighty night. I loved him in nighty night. Yeah. Did you ever watch that? Yeah. And we always play the slightly sadonic neighbour, doesn't he, because he played the same thing in the victim-eldry programme. Yeah. And his wife was a sex maniac, he was a maniac, she's a great actress, whatever the heck her name is. But anyway, why don't we take five, I'll just snip and have some instant camp coffee, and you can make yourself happy or something. All right. Yeah, Mr. Popstick, that's the only thing we have to pay, to score seven years ago, when in the course of human events. And so, my fellow Americans, ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country. There is not any land in America, any white America, and Latino America, and Asian America, the United States of America. Listen to the first show exclusively on Mixcloud Today, and subscribe to us on iTunes beginning January the 18th. From Washington to Obama, 10 American presidents. The new podcast from Royfield Brown. Right, then, Luce. Yes. Right, we've done our call of honour is, why don't we crack on with the hashtag #TheArches tweet of the week. Andy make the tea, said why was there no action helpline number for those affected by underwoods running out of chili oil? Good point. Um, Yokel Bear said there is a dating app for people like Rob Wanker. Adrian Ratbell said there will be a May Day wrestling match between Burt and Joe, Jim and Rob on the Green. Winner takes Trigorran. Sue Archer said Charlie Cox's little finger, and Adam Fingers is, oh hang on, um, and Joe be towed. He said yes, Adam is a one man guy, except for gavel or whatever he was called, but we don't talk about that. Ah, la la la. What? gavel. Yeah, I know. But they called him gavel. Oh, ok. Thank you. Ok. And a tweet of the week, who said this was Pat talking to Helen. She doesn't need gentle hints, Pat. She needs whacking over the head with a copy of the female you look. Very good. Alright, so, uh, ooh, ooh, what? I think it's time. Wait, no. No, it wasn't camp. Is this metrosexual? Oh, sorry. Mmm. Like Kenneth Williams was metrosexual. No, he was camp. He was absolutely camped. Wait till you hear this back and hear you go, whoo! And then you're, that's what I meant, that's what I meant. And I've put a special effect on you dropping down a couple of octaves, so that's Barry White, the wall rust of love. Um, let's nib down under and have a touchy millie. I'm not sure you should be touching Millie down under. I'll stop it. Good day, everyone. It's Millie Bell here on a stinking hot day here in Northern Victoria, just looking at our Facebook page, and we've had some great conversation about some professions that are missing in Ambridge. And the obvious one that jumped into my mind was everywhere I go, I bump into teachers, and there haven't been any teachers apart from when Kathy Perks was a teacher in Ambridge. So we just wondered, and also Roy Ford doesn't like to know what people's professions are. What's happening out there? So, uh, Alice Shelley Thomas agreed with me. She said, "Well, what about the teachers?" Jacqueline Girtho asks, "What about a posty? Essential but dying breed." Fiona Griffin said, "She's an Usher, specializing in family law. I'm expecting great family law storylines when the Helen Robber situation implodes, but I just hope the script writers do their homework. I have given up on every other soap, including your standards, because of the completely inept handling of legal storylines." So, high expectations there. Hannah May Whiting also asks where the teachers are. Hailey Brett says, "I manage a charity shop. I'm sure if they have one, it would do a roaring trade." Dee Leary says, "There's a super lack of trade unions. I'm not sure if we can have one, just for every bit." Jeremy Peake said something, and I hope I can say this, but I don't know what it means. He said, "Saga maker's bottom knock." I hope that means something to some of you. Picky Cole says, "Optometrist, ambridge folk, don't get their eyes tested very often, and then unnecessary panic sets in with cataracts. Jill, Marjorie, and Travis, this is just in her opinion. Katie Michelle Duhamel thinks counseling, please give Helen my card. And Diane Talford, you would have thought they would at least have a chippy of either variety. Oh, hang on. They did. Where is Daryl? Nicholas Barnes is being very naughty. He wants to know where the oldest profession is. I'm assuming that you mean Harry Potter is in there's plenty of those Nicholas. We also had to put up an apology because we were really sad, but Lucy Morris can't be with us this week. She's in the middle of a major storyline, as you know, and that's keeping her very busy. But I think that when she does come on, she will have a lot of fans, and everyone's been very good-natured about it. I'd posted up on all of the artists fans I could find that she would be there, and then I had to say, sorry she's not going to be here. It's nice to know how much support there is for our actors. Sarah Charlie Harding says it's a shame that Phoebe is not going to be on or Lucy Morris. Please tell me it's Jazza that's lined up because I totally love him. Pete Lambert made me laugh because he wants freedom, freedom, freedom. And Jacqueline Bertho gets the award for the most help for this week, because she said she would help Lucy Morris or Phoebe with her French homework, even would help speed up her interview. So thank you. You are a lovely lot, aren't you? Keep talking on Facebook, or the book of face, as Roy Phil says, and I'll see you next week. Right. Yes. That's Millie, and that means we are coming up to the end of the show, folks. So how do you think it's been this week, Lucy? What leaner than last? That's what I mean. Much cleaner. Good. Yeah. You can buy swag with our logo on it, and you can, oh, what? Good heavens. What have I written here? It's supposed to be. And boy, are you... Oh, okay. God, even you can read my book. I can't... No, I've got... I can do it now. I can decipher what you're heading to until you go diverting off at the last minute into somewhere bizarre. Now on to shop news, you can buy swag with our logo on it, and boy, are you buying, and are showing the following of board stuff. Simon Riley. Dee Leary. Dune Rose. Kirsty Dingwell. And Helen Redmond. Oh, I was supposed to say I'm sorry. Sorry about that. And if you go on to this week's, you can see Kirsty Dingwell in all of her glory sport, and a dum-dee-dum top, and holding a pint, that's our type of Tottie. She... Oh, she's enough. Look hot. It's the logo just in the right place. Now, remember... What is the matter with you? You flipping bromide. What do you mean? The logo's on the front of a t-shirt. Just in the right place, on top of what? In terms of, because Cafe Press print this stuff out, I design it, they print it, the logo is in the right place. Okay. Good. They've done their job. Good. Remember. You can not only buy the merch, but you need to take a pic of you in the goods too. So you can have your testerly area discussed on a podcast. I didn't mention anybody's testerly area, that's you. That's you. All I was saying is that Cafe Press have done their job and printed the t-shirts correctly. So, also, we have my main kill, Gina. Oh, I love Jane, Jane, big love to you. She is so stalwart in all things Royfield, written reviews on 10 American presidents, and she's retweeting my stuff like this, and she's so lovely. And there's a lovely picture of her in her fleece this week, and I was full of all kind of love for Jane. I just wanted to give you a big cuddle, Jane. So, look on our Twitter's, and you'll see her in her fleece. Also, this week, we had Godess Deaver looking great in her t-shirt, Claire Maxwell 3 looking headless. Nice. And B12 Simon with his mug. Now, it will be waiting for... News of... Sorry. No, no, no. You go. You go. No, no, no. I've done it. Do it. Sing that again. God. No. Because he took me on the wares. No, I can't. I can't sing under pressure. It's not very okay. No, we have won. One brand new iTunes review, and it comes from... Not curious. From the colony that got away. And also from the Frozen North, a slight little bit of a segue. I haven't said by much in this episode before. You haven't. No, no, I've been good. I've kept it. I'll try. Tiddie, John, cop. I've been chasing. I've been chasing John. And from the Frozen North, we got, erm, not an email, we got a review for a not contrary for my how to make a podcast. So thank you for that not contrary. Erm, now, if you have an itchy donation finger, then click away on the donate button on the site and give us cold, hard cash, like. And this should be in red. Erm, Catherine Kavanagh. And Lonnie J. Buhar. So they donated this week, and that is kind of quite wonderful. Erm, so thank you for being wonderful and depositing in our Fortchester branch of the Dumpty Dum bank. You can also go to patreon.com, search for Dumpty Dum, and you can donate two dollars a show, which is about £1.30. And er, we've got about 11 patreons on there now. So that's all. Yay. Thank you all, thank you all, thank you all. Now, remember, you can also send us a voice message via the site. Now, there is some jiggery pokery going on, and there's now I can do to fix it. Erm, and the jiggery pokery is this, is that if you are on a tablet or on a phone, which is classed as viewing the site on a mobile device, the little speak pipey red tab is not showing up. If you go from a regular laptop or a desktop computer, which is kind of normal display for a website, it does show. Nothing I can do this. I'll give you some jiggery pokery with speak pipe. I've sent them an email and said, "Oi, sort it out, it's some Russian geezer." So I don't know what's happening over in Moscow right here and now. But we have said, "Please fix it," and I'm sure, because there's many other websites to have the facility that other websites have moaned to, but there's nothing we can do. But if you find yourself like a low dusty and yokel bear, and many people have been doing their calls via their tablets, if you find yourself not being able to call us via your tablet, why don't you try this number, which is 0203, 031, 3105, and it gets through to us. You can do that then, folks, and hopefully hopefully hopefully sometime very soon, speak pipe will have fixed the problem with the mobile sites and tablets. Now, you can also ping us a regular text message, because we like those, because Lucy likes to read them out and put them in the show. In my, in my Esther Amson, and the gas board said, "Voice, I like that." Oh, that was always the end of the weekend, wasn't it? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And it was... One day dinner, you sat and watched that, with Cyril, Cyril, what's it? It was his throw, well, all Fletcher, Cyril Fletcher thrower, some of that. Yeah, that. And he's such in his big chair, these big glasses, and yeah. Yeah. Then there was the geyser with the beard that used to be on nationwide as well. Yeah. And Gavin somebody. Oh, yeah. The two younger guys were... Yes. One was, one was quite looking. He was quite looking. Quite looking. And he, he was kind of like the, he was that one in top here, the little one. Richard Hammond. He was kind of like the Richard Hammond of that's life. That sounded almost like a comedy sound effect. What, the door squeaking? Yeah. There wasn't a comedy sound effect. Where's my sound? It's anyway. Why isn't it school? Because it's about six in the evening. Oh, crumbs. Yeah, sorry. It's 10-24 for me. I've thought it's 10-24, it's 8-24, it's 8-24, it's 8-24, everybody. All right, so, er... Yeah. That's... Yeah. What? Mr. Anson. Hmm. Anyway. No nostalgia. End of the weekend. End of the weekend. End of the weekend. End of the weekend. Erm... So, Pink's already... Then, you watched All Creatures Great and Small. Derby 389. Erm... It's a little bit too middle-class and high-brow for us, but we never used to watch that. You'd have seen him with his And Upper Cows bum waltz, and that would have freaked you out for the rest of your life, if you could ever... Mm-hmm. No. Would have put you off. Erm... So, where are we? Pink's a regular face message, if you like. Because Lucy likes them, and I like them, though Lucy likes them more. She reads a match, puts them in the show, and that's all wicked and fab, because some people, er, feel a little bit kind of self-conscious about hearing their voice, you know, on a call. So, they like to just, like, type a message. So, that's all good. All you can find is on the Twitter's, where we are at, dump, dump, you dump. Oh, you can tweet me. @royfield. Or me @lucvfreeman. So, please, please, please, keep those reviews coming, because we want to be the top of the podcast chart. Oh, can I just talk about the top of the podcast chart? Right? Yes. Here's the thing. Now, what was the music for Top of the Pops? Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. You can't talk about Top of the Pops any more, otherwise you get arrested by Operation You Tree. People come round to your house and take you away. I don't think that's actually accurate. I think you can talk about Top of the Pops. It feels like that. You're not allowed to talk about the 70s, because everybody in the 70s has been arrested. My childhood has been arrested, basically. Well, yeah. Yeah. Roll ferris. Yeah. Shocker. Depressingly enough. Yeah. Well, anyway. So. Yeah. There was this program that used to come on on a Thursday after Tomorrow's World, right? And we can't give you the title. It feels a bit like, you remember when the IRA were banned from being on TV and, you know, and sort of actors to like to, you know, be. Yes. Yeah. So there was this program used to come on every Thursday that was quite popular. It was really popular in the 70s and the 80s. It used to come on after Tomorrow's World, and it featured popular music of the time, right? It had a chart. So iTunes has a similar thing. A chart. Guess which podcast smashed into the chart at number 20 last week? Well, it was all of the UK's chat loads. How'd you make her? Now guess again. Tana Merrick and Prisms. The bloody lutely. Yeah. Get it in. We entered the chart at number 92. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. So thank you, thank you, thank you to all the wonderful Gummy Dumplings listeners that have been listening to that bloody trail and then clicked on to it and we'll have, you know, a quite like this and a written review, which goes to show, all right, that if people do what we tell them to do, i.e. write reviews and download in the bajoleans, you can get into that podcast chart. So I wasn't at the top, but I beat free economics, free economics radio, so I'm very happy about that. Tana Merrick's residence is going rather lovely and Lucy still hasn't listened to it let alone written a review. Oh, I'm sorry, I will. But not contrary has, Jean Rose has, Moinness has, just, you know, Diane Telford, that's so many people have, like, listened, goddess diva has. So thank you to those other people for supporting me with my other podcast endeavours because Lucy doesn't give a toss unless it's an endeavour about the archers. You don't show me. I do. You're not. Yeah. But. So, please, please, please, keep those reviews coming because we want to be tough at the podcast chart before Bert and Joe rumb each other into a cardiac arrest. That's it. Done. You can go now, John, it's all done. Is there anything you would like to talk about, Lucy? Um, well, possibly, but what's most concerning me is the fact that I've got a bread pudding in the oven and if I don't go soon, it will burn. Is it actually in another in the aga? I haven't got an aga. Oh, come on. I haven't. I live in a Stranden, innit? Oh. You don't do aga, Stranden. Do they not? Yeah. All right. Surely, then, you just mark away, haven't it, then? Yeah. You can't microwave a bread pudding. What's matter with you, ma'am? Oh, I love a bit of bread pudding, me. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I could be like Tony Hancock's mother now, make someone and send it out to you. Really? I don't know. I didn't get that reference, sorry, because Hancock's half hour, even though it's from Birmingham. Oh, there's actually like a really funky statue to Tony Hancock in Birmingham. Well, Lisa, you used to last on my look, Birmingham keeps on changing every time I go back. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's all kind of metal and it's flat and it's a bit kind of sparkly and it was open by, oh God, old square on corporation street it used to be. Yeah. I don't know if it's still there. I hope to heavens it is, you know, but anyway, I digress, let's, let's wrap this one up because you've got your bread oven in bread pudding in the oven, sorry. And I've got to go and edit this monster and then I'll go get berated by people saying, you don't know how to edit. And then I'll, I'll, I'll have to lie down again. And goodbye everybody is be good, bye. All sharing my archer thoughts with you all and I'll see you all again in seven days time. Be good. There are loose. Draw. Bye. Have a nice week. See you. Bye. All right. Oh, Cosmo. Cosmo sent us a message due to loose and we didn't put it in the show. Yeah. Yeah. And I ended the weekend here. My own father had to give up a herd of 80 Gernsies because he could not continue and that was over 50 years ago. A small herd is almost part of a family and Ed with the work supplied by Kerry talking to Eddie. Certainly have me going on a fierce flight. You may have gathered but I'm still enjoying the podcasts. Look forward to seeing the phone hard for the podcast download on Tuesday. So thank you for all the hard work and I'll try and be in touch again soon. Bye for now. Cue the fireplace and your favorite Fall movie. There's nothing better than a cozy evening at home with a class of first leaf wine. First leaf is a personalized wine club that delivers right to your door. Sounds magical, right? They get to know your favorite tasting notes, which varietals you enjoy and whether you prefer sweet or dry wines. So in every shipment you get bottles tailored to your unique palette. Go to tryfirstleaf.com/fall to get your first six minds for just $44.95 with free shipping. Hey, it's Mark Marin from WTF here to let you know that this podcast is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. And I'm sure the reason you're listening to this podcast right now is because you chose it. Well, choose Progressive's name your price tool and you could find insurance options that fit your budget so you can pick the best one for your situation. Who doesn't like choice? Try it at Progressive.com. And now some legal info, Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliate's price and coverage match limited by state law, not available in all states.

Dum Tee Dum Episode 45 – John Kop calls the shots

John Kop calls the shots

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The post Dum Tee Dum Episode 45 – John Kop calls the shots appeared first on DumTeeDum.