DumTeeDum - A show about BBC Radio's 'The Archers'

Dum Tee Dum Episode 33 – Caller-innerers and too much drama

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The post Dum Tee Dum Episode 33 – Caller-innerers and too much drama appeared first on DumTeeDum.

Duration:: 58m
Broadcast on:: 18 Nov 2014
Audio Format:: other

This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Fiscally responsible, financial geniuses, monetary magicians. These are things people say about drivers who switch their car insurance to progressive and save hundreds. Visit progressive.com to see if you could save. Progressive casualty insurance company and affiliates, potential savings will vary not available in all states or situations. Forging ahead together drives Colorado's pioneering spirit. At Chevron, we donate funding and volunteer thousands of hours in support of the community's We Call Home. We also employ our neighbors to deliver the energy needed as the state's largest oil and natural gas producer, all to help improve lives in our shared backyard. That's Energy in Progress. Visit Colorado.chefron.com. This podcast is a Royfield Brown production. Find others on iTunes. Alright. Yeah, right now. A year will now only business, man, looking for something to take you more into work. Why not visit teasers and selfish 'em, where lovely ladies like myself will slide up and down a pole with a sullen expression where we try and check the clock behind the bar to work out where we can go home. Teasers for romantic sponsors of Dunty Dun. This is Dunty Dun, the show about the reality ducky drama that is centered on Ambridge and the heart, the midlands. I am Royfield Brown, who was seven days away from unveiling his knees at the Dunty Dun, and with me, I have- Whoa, whoa. Knees? Yeah. Black kilt. No, no, we're black kilt. No, we're- I am. I am. Not leather. Oh, that's a thought. Didn't you remember Jean Paul Gautier did that leather? Yeah, oh, that's a thought. Yeah, they don't do that. TK Max, they're right away. Listen, I'm down somewhere very special. Listen, I've got- I'm from Scottish royalty me, right? And this is no word of a lie about 40 generations ago. My family on my mother's side had descended from a duff, from a bet fame. So, I'm legitimately wear tartan, me. But anyway, that'd be another segue. Black watch, tartan? No. That's nothing to do with being black sex. I feel a tinge of racism in that somewhere. You can't get over the colour of my skin. And that's the reason why you're so gobsmacked. It's a black man in tartan. No, it's you in a skirt. That's what's gobsmacking me. Fair play, fair play. So with me, I have, who are you? Lucy Freeman. And the last part about Otto strikes back is you, folks. Awards update, the voting is over. That's it, it's over no more cat foot. You, like, have spoken for the following categories. Best storyline of the year? Best new character? Favorite character? Tweeter of the year. Fittest and rich character? Best silent character? Best dumb to dumb guest? That'd be Martin Greaves. Yeah. Silent. Oh, best silent character and best... Best silent character? [LAUGHTER] We have BBC... We have BBC Backroom Boy hero Martin Greaves, yeah, with us, who has saved the podcast because it's helped you all went up the swarming... So I've been editing it for, like, 32 shows, but Martin's come to save it. No, I've just been... Rightful, you're incompetent. No, all I meant was he just saved... But it could be better. It could be better. You're in a bit of a suit, mate. So now I don't edit it anymore, then I won't be presenting it next week. Right, Phil, we couldn't get the script to each other. [LAUGHTER] There was nothing else intended other than basic incompetence on both our parts. I thought the BBC and BBC related spin-on podcast diversity quote-ters, and that was the reason why I was fixed onto this show. Why? Well, I'm going to be taken out because you're going to get another presenter next week, you just said. Well, it's diversity you've got to do with it. Cos I'm glad. My colour always comes into it somehow, doesn't it? Hang on, hang on. Now he's playing the race card. Me! But it speeds me up, play it. Oh, that's so typical that is. Absolutely up. I don't know. Best Lisa Tomlantondra. Damnitigam, call it of the year. Best damnitigam intro of the year. Performance of the year. And who or what do we love to hate? And I've got a sneaky feeling we all know who's going to win that one this year. I think so. Mm-hmm, there'd be no surprises with that one. Now, you need to get yourself down to the awards night at Richmix, which is a 35-47 Best McGreen Road. Surely she London on November 22nd, which is just the next Saturday. Now, we do have a few tickets left, so I reckon you all need to get on to our side. Dun-dee-dum.com and get a clicking, because the doors will open at 8am sharpish. P.M. Oh, did I say A.M? Yes! We don't want people turning up for breakfast. All right, whatever. You understood what I meant. Not what they said, it's what I meant. And everybody knew that, like, "Come on." It's the same literal. Turn up at some point in the evening. LAUGHTER And then they'll be dancing and drinking and whatever afterwards. So get your three tickets. How many people could they dance in Wellies? That's a second dance in Wellies. Don't they do it first of all, don't they? There you go, so that's how you dance in Wellies. I'm not dancing. I'm going to be like the aunt at the wedding that sits at the side, sort of wiggling her head around genuinely and people have to come up and talk to her. Have you spoken to Auntie? Go and talk to Auntie. You haven't been to any West Indian wedding, because the aunties that really get going. Really? Yeah! Like my auntie Val and Auntie Jaz, they can drop some moves I'm telling you. Don't be slagging up Auntie's around black people who have not been able to dance. And that's for me, Grand. Oh, me, Grand was a right little groove or two. Is Auntie fit an auntie thing an auntie thing coming? Auntie Jaz is in Jamaica, and Auntie Val was actually discovered the Lord about five years ago. So, on principle, she doesn't dance. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's Lord of the Dance, surely. Are you not allowed to dance if you're Jesus? Well, it depends what denomination you are. Do you think it depends what denomination? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All these funny, Protestant ones get all of the peculiar. Like the same day, Ventus. They don't like any manner of fun whatsoever. So, like any kind of music is the devil's music. As long as there's instrumentation, they go, ooh, no, that's bad. That's so miserable, isn't it? Absolutely. Oh, God, I've had loads of people who like him. They were no fun at all. Mm, but you know what, I'm going to get some hate mail. If I can, you know, I'm not capable here. So, anyway, so may I roll? We're going to raise some religion, we're going to go through that. Yeah, so, get your free tickets for our Christmas party. You know you want to come, you want to meet us, and that'd be all hip calling and dandy. And, Martin, are you going to be coming? I shall be there. And guess what, guess who he's bringing? I'm bringing the wonderful, Margaret Green, also known as Rupert. Ooh, I'm a bit scared. He's the one who picks me up when I split an infinitive. Oh, no, no, no, no, and he's the one that also noticed that wasn't my fault, that we had the wrong time on the initial invite, and he does pick me up on just a bit. I'm scared, I'm very scared of me in this very footprint. I want to meet him, I'll just shake his hand, and I will just walk away, you know, keep him in the eye, and just just run into a corner. Very scary, but very clever and lovely bloke. And we're featuring on latest because we have a whole big fat show to do. So, right, it's our Christmas party. Please come, love to meet you, see you all there, and we've only got a few days to go. Right, today's rendition of "Barrick Green" was brought to you by my free-man's buddy, Mr. Paul Chino, who, Lucy, can you remind our listeners, having won the athlete of "Dumb Demar" of the Week. If you want to send flowers to Tony in hospital or give Otto a medal for squashing his windpipe, give us a ring with a blocked prediction or a secret artist's crush by leaving a voicemail on Speakpipe on dumbtiedun.com, or leave us a message on 0203-01-3105. Thanks to Millie Bell for collecting our Facebook messages to Harriet, lovely Harriet, at Shambridge, for her impersonations. And to Derek, again, for the loan of the back bedroom, he is furious about the tennis, as the big match is now not going ahead. He gets very excited about Federer, and he's always disappointed when he pulls out. [LAUGHTER] Right calls this week come from Paul. Room is born enough of cow, the backbone man, goddess diva, who has been crying. Jan Mitchell, I think she's a first-time caller in a row, isn't she? She'll be calling him a caller in a row, isn't she? Should we call him a caller in a row? Yeah. OK, cool. First-time caller in a row. Jan Mitchell, who just wants to say hello? Dusty substancey is who's getting all competent now, two weeks on the road, Dusty, who wants Grundy Worlds of Christmas. John, from Newcastle, he wants to congratulate Pat. Jennifer, who thinks Henry is Rosemary's baby, and Julie, who brings up the rear this week, who thinks he is a cold-hearted cow, but first, before all that, folks. It's the bit of the show, which we all just have to just grin and bear and just get through. Let's kick off with Lucy Freeman's. Don't panic. I've got gold envelopes for the award night, so it's all sort of Freeman's week in average. Well, it's outrageous, says Adam, as Debbie's got the old heave hoe. Well, it is ridiculous, giving her the boot just because she lives in a different country to the farm. She manages lots of people who work remotely. I mean, I live in East London, and I oversee a small wildlife park in Gudansk, and that works perfectly well. I mean, obviously, I'm not there to see any of the animals, but I look at them over Skype, and they seem absolutely fine to me. Can I just quickly just jump in? You can. All right. My boy. Noah. Yeah, it was in a meeting with us just last week, wasn't it? You are. Yeah, via Skype. All the way to Ronto, and it was come to work with your dad day, and he said, "Dad, can I come and work with you?" And so he didn't have a Skype. And I wasn't horrible, but he had to do work. But he took notes from the meeting, and he emailed them back to us, and I was so proud of the boy. There you go. So you can work remotely via Skype. You can even do podcasts via Skype. You probably couldn't be something like a painter and decorator remotely, but most things you probably can. I'm still not sure about farming. It's just a matter of time for technology to capture yourself, and you actually will be able to do painting and decorating remotely, because you can actually now feed your pet remotely and give it a treat via an internet app. Right. So there you go. Yeah, but not 750 cows. No. That actually sent something more of a problem. And I've got-- and I'm kind of on BL's side with this, because how, on top of things, is she really? Exactly. Anyway. It's a-- oh, for messing around with Stephen Mangum. Mind you, given the chance I'd quite like to be messing around with Stephen Mangum. Well, look, I'm looking up 700 miles. You just want to be working over in LAD. I don't care where he is, I'll go home, go to him. But Lucy? Yeah. Yeah, you've got a monologue to deliver. Sorry. Look, you need to just keep on track. Don't get sorry, sorry. Yeah. Martin, don't distract her. Big question this week. Does anyone still eat jelly? Gin demanded desperately. Well, do they? And a few discoveries. Nathan Booth will do anything for cheesy biscuits. So that's good to know. But when Cathy Perk gets really desperate. And the allages are going to buy brookers. Difficult to take a business decision of that magnitude when the proposition's being made by a man in Tigger pajamas. But there you go. Jenny Darling's got her eye on the farmhouse itself to turn it into one gigantic kitchen with hot and cold running rock for. And Brian is secretly planning to use as a sort of holding pen for any other offspring that might pop up in the future. Alan the disappearing vicar popped up to do the Remembrance Sunday service, which was very moving, until Peggy took a header into the font. Shuler offered to examine her. But as that would involve Peggy getting on all fours while Shuler lifted up her feet one at a time and slapped her on the arse, Peggy wisely declined. Jenny Darling chipped up on Peggy the next day and she didn't get out of her chair. Jenny Darling noticed anxiously. I think the truth needs to come out. Peggy is pissed. She's at the end of her tether with the philandering, winching bunch she stuck with as a family, so she sought refuge in the T.O. Pepe. She can't stand up because she sank a couple of bottles just to give her the strength to sit next to Shuler without braining her with her handbag. There was an interesting couple of minutes about the preparations for Peggy's party. Pat said she'd mostly be making quiches and tarts. Quiches soup and tarts soup. Jenny Darling wasn't head chogging about doing Peggy's album. It's a difficult second album you have to watch, Jennifer. It did give us a chance to appreciate the fact that Jenny Darling is the only person in the universe who still says super duper. Pat described Peggy as a bit starchy, understatement of the century. She's starchyer than a jacket potato sandwich. Brian noticed that reception must be an awful come down for Roy. Oh yes, so much more lowering than being a claim for your ability to sort out the ginger nuts for a drawing pin convention, and then standing crying and hiccuping outside your boss's window with six McCallons washing around inside you. George Grundy, who is rapidly becoming my hero, has been drawing terrifying pictures of the end of days. He drew a psychotic turkey. George's religious fervor, boldness and general ability to bring chaos wherever he goes is extremely inspiring, and he will be taking over Joe's mantle of wandering disaster once he reaches adulthood. You don't understand why Henry Archer gets in the neck. When he's George Grundy, he's actually the devil's spore. He's not right, is he, that, that character? He is, I am expecting very soon to people noticing crows nail to all of that. It won't be long, will it? But you can understand why George is like he is. He has a grandfather who molests spirits and tells the fortune through turkey cuts. His grandmother's changed voice twice a week. - Hey, grandfather. - Sorry. - Thank you. - His great grandmother's changed voice twice in the last two years. His dad's his uncle and his uncle's his dad or something. His mum's back in here, he thinks she's Karen Brady and his stepdad shot his dog. It's amazing, he's just drawing pictures and he's not on Jeremy Kyle. The archers had a good laugh about Johnny's northern accent. Ha, ha, ha aren't Northern people sweet? They're hilarious with their poverty and their funny accents. What's wrong with these people? They can understand Jazza, who seems to speak entirely without using vowels as far as I can hear. Root B, which even the village is now lost interest in, never mind the listeners, is being attacked again by Linda under the Aegis of Robert's friend, Con. Con. Does that sound like someone she should be taking advice from? He might as well be called big fat liar. But then we had the big story at Bridge from Tony started channeling Frank Spencer and Told Saints. - Oh, I'm sitting down for this bit, you see, attention now. - Tony started channeling Frank Spencer and Told St. Johnny that Henry had a little bit of a cold, so he was left to the 10 administrations of St. Johnny while Helen took Peggy into Borsett-Jiff for a Brazilian. The backstory here that notes about is that Otto the Bull, who has shown zero interest in any of the cows he's supposed to be rogering, has a keen interest in musical theatre. And the fact just being involved in Peggy's festivities. He heard St. Johnny and Tony discussing the music for Peggy's party, and Tony dismissing a mashup of tiny temper and Tommy Croker. So when Tony moved him out, Otto couldn't resist a little mashup of Tony's chest. I bet that Hitler and him just could not be restrained, so he demonstrated the old shuffle hop step, except he did it on Tony. And poor old Tony ended up in hospital with Pat being brave. In a way, it was a good job it was Tony and not Brian. You can have soup for a feeding tube, but venison pastas would be a nightmare. So on that sad note, we'll leave it to St. Johnny to sum up our bowl of bread. (laughing) - He didn't say that, he didn't say that at all. - No. - He was crap-tied! (laughing) - I, right, now, I know it's not my place to really talk about my feelings about the archers. I just kind of just like to say hi, hello, and you just wind yourself up and you just go, however, I can't take any more excitement in the archers. I'm an archers fan, I don't want excitement. I just want, you know- - We've had two calls this week that say exactly that. - Oh, I just seriously, it's too much. - If I want excitement, I'll watch Claude van Damme or Jason Statham or whatever. I want character driven- - We want a flower-produced show. - Exactly, and I want to be able to moan about the flower and project's bloody show. The harvest festival and the bloody Christmas plays. That's what I want and I want to moan about, though. Our car tape, this death destruction, people being jilted, is too much for me. - We used to have one of these like every two years. Now we're having one once or four nights. - Exactly. It's like, you know what, if we want to watch EastEnders, there's EastEnders. I want to listen to the archers. Somebody please bring back my archers for me, please. - Ah, do you have BBC? Why, oh, why, oh, why? (laughing) - I do sound like some old fart. You want to call into feedback or something, don't I? God, I've turned you to somebody I hate. (laughing) God, I knew it happened to be at some point. Anyway, I think we should hit those phone lines. (laughing) - Hello, Ambridge 3962. - Hello, it's Dusty Substances here, the wrong kind of listener, and I'm Jolly Cross. I'd like to know where the character led drama is at the moment, other than "Titch in Urban Helen." All we've got is melodrama. The selling Brookfield, except they won't. Root B, except it won't happen. Tony being stampled on. Everything going tits up for Brian and Adam, and they'll be getting the bum's rush. Don't even get me started on Jennifer's sales. It's not good enough at all. What I want is Lindy Box pulling it off at the last minute with a wonderful Christmas show. I want stir-up Sunday. I want the Reverend Bunta, trousering a few mince pies. I wouldn't even mind the return of Grundy World of Christmas, and that's in quite a lot, 'cause I don't really like the Grundy's. Just give me one piece of drama at a time, not bucketfuls like this. Really fed up with it. Bistic Dusty predicts that Tony is going to die to celebrate the next anniversary in January, assuming, of course, he hasn't handed in his dinner pail for the Christmas episode. Another senseless sacrifice. Get a grip, archers. It's badly done. Badly done. Really annoyed. Yours faithfully, Mrs. Grundy, West London. Hi, it's goddess Diva here. Oh, my days, I have not been so traumatized by anything for so long. Poor Tony, but seriously, poor Pat. Pat, the actress who plays you, I am just too much in a mer. Do we even look you up? Well done, script writers, well done. I have been in absolute floods of tears here. It's just the whole, keep fighting. Oh, my God, I am absolutely traumatized. I rang Blue Sky 20 to tell her I traumatized I was and she said, ah, you are truly one of us now. And it's true, it's absolutely true. I am so immersed in the world of the archers that I want to go up to Birmingham, find Helen and Pat and say, no, no, you sit there, do you need coffee? What do you need? I'll go and get it. Seriously, shaking. And I didn't think I would get this much into it. Um, how to say on that subject of getting into it and people's moaning and the split in the archers comes between you, it's a bit rubbish and it's, oh, my God, it's so good. David Blunkett can now fuck all the way off because really, get out my face, stupid man. Stupid, stupid man. But what will be the fallout from this? What will be the fallout from Tony's accident? What will it mean for Brookfield? What will it mean for Peggy? Who really, her little twisted ankle can piss off as well now, really. I know she's 90, but really, I've said it before, get off the fucking cross, just put a bandage on it, use your stick, let people help what ebbs. My big worry is how this is going to play out with Helen and Rob. With Helen being so much more vulnerable because her dad has been injured and Henry could have been injured and she feels it's her fault. Nicely played Rob to get her into that kind of guilt state in the first place. This is just going to make Helen so much more vulnerable and Rob's so much more able to take advantage. I don't even know what I'm saying now. I need a hug. I need hugs from all my the archers, Tweeter Longers, from all the dumpty dummers. And thank God that we're all going to be meeting up on Saturday because I think there will be hugs needed, there will be discussion needed and there will be some very large G&T's needed. Right, I'm going to go off, have another cigarette, have another cup of coffee, see if I can calm down. Still good work with the podcast and I'm looking forward to meeting all of you who are going next Saturday. All right, got it, Steve, we're out. And Dusty Substance, who really, really sounds very cross and made me, I found myself saying, sorry when she goes to bed. She was, I think she might be a teacher or something, she sounds quite teachery. She wants the Grundy World of Christmas back and she wants no plot and she wants things to just juggle along nicely and calmly and can we stop having life and death scenarios and life changing scenarios every two weeks. When in reality, 90% of people's lives are fantastically boring with the odd highlight of drama, whether that's good drama or bad drama, which is how it should be. The problem is for us old farts, and I'm pointing myself firmly in that camp, is that the ratings for the arches are up, aren't they? If the Daily Express and every other media outlet who's now talking about our favourite doggy drama is to be believed, ratings are going up. So, we're somewhat in a minority. However, it's not exactly analogous to Brookside, but I remember when Brookside first started in the early 80s, that was relatively believable and it swam along quite nicely, but all of a sudden when there were plagues and plane crashes in the close, it finished about three years after that. So, I'm sure Emperor in Chief Sean, who is directing things, absolutely knows what he's doing and in him I do trust. However, it does feel a little bit racy. That's all I'm going to say. - Yeah. - Hello, dum-t-dum. This is Canada, UK love affair calling from Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada. I'm just calling to say how much I love your show, how often it makes me laugh. You guys are just fabulous and how much I enjoy all things in the UK. I love your culture, I love your movies, your television shows and your podcasts, especially the archers. And I'm also phoning in to just say that I did vote so I'm really looking forward to hearing the results of that. And I hope your awards evening goes beautifully. The last thing I want to say is one of these days I'll get up the nerve to send you my version of dum-t-dum. Okay, well, first time caller, take care. - Jan Mitchell, that was a lovely cool, Jan. Thank you very much. We're glad that you like us, we like you too. And it's very nice for Roy Field and I when we're having a bit of a miserable day, 'cause it's been a bit of a gloomy Sunday. - I don't have miserable days being a Buddhist. I always look on the positive of everything. - Yes. - I don't know what to say. (laughing) - So you speak for yourself. If you're miserable, say we're neither miserable day because Roy Field is always chipper and perky and, you know, and full of beans of life. - Not though. - Huh? - You're not though, are you? - When? - Sometimes you're not. - Shut up, I've got an appearance to keep up. (laughing) - What did Jan say, what did Jan say? - Jan said we were lovely, it's brilliant. - Oh, oh, okay. Oh, I love you too, Jan. - No. - Oh, and I need to say, I need to apologize because Paul Charles Wilkins and the Ambridge Addicts posse all went up to BBC in Brum yesterday and I didn't go and basically I had so much work to do and I had a call from a client. I did explain to Paul and he said, "Oh, it's okay, Roy Field, blah, blah, blah, blah." But I ended up in 24 hours. No, he said I couldn't make it. And I hope they had a great time. I saw the pictures on Facebook. It all looked like a total riot and I promise I'll be at the next one. (phone ringing) - Hello, Dumpy Thumb, this is Julie. I normally tweet at Pardine Tin and this is my first ever call to you. So I've got to do the obligatory, I love your podcast and I listen every week and I'm only now brave enough to send this after a glass of wine on a Friday night because I've just been listening to Friday night's episode which of course is the one where we discover what's happened to Tony and the bull scenario. - I have to say, the reason I'm ringing is because my entire Twitter feed, or my lovely, the arches' listeners, is going on about how sad they are and how they'll be crying and how they're all tear-falling. Quite frankly, I'm wandering. If I'm the only-- - Explaining football to the friend who's just there for the nachos, hard. Tailgating from home like a pro with snacks and drinks everyone will love, any easy win. And with Instacart helping deliver the snack time MVPs to your door, you're ready for the game in as fast as 30 minutes. So you never miss a play or lose your seat on the couch or have to go head to head for the last chicken wing. Shop game day faves on Instacart and enjoy $0 delivery fees on your first three grocery orders. Offer valid for a limited time, other fees and terms apply. - My dad works in B2B marketing. He came by my school for career day and said he was a big row as man. Then he told everyone how much he loved calculating his return on ad spend. My friends still laughing me to this day. - Not everyone gets B2B. But with LinkedIn, you'll be able to reach people who do. Get $100 credit on your next ad campaign. Go to linkedin.com/results to claim your credit. That's linkedin.com/results. Terms and conditions apply. LinkedIn, the place to be, to be. - Forging ahead together, drives Colorado's pioneering spirit. At Chevron, we donate funding and volunteer thousands of hours in support of the community's we call home. We also employ our neighbors to deliver the energy needed as the state's largest oil and natural gas producer. All to help improve lives in our shared backyard. That's Energy in Progress. Visit colorado.chefron.com. - Cold, heartless, cow, excuse pun. But I just thought he was all a bit. Yeah. And I can't quite work out why I'm feeling that way. But I suspect it might be one of three reasons, which is that there's just been so much drama, hasn't there recently? And I don't know, it's all a bit so pee and the Roy and Elizabeth thing and Root B and David Archer and David and Ruth leaving. And I'm just still thinking, well, this isn't what the arches is about. We don't want East Enders. We're somebody's gonna be killed off every five minutes. This is lovely sort of gentle rural life. So that might be one area. The other one is that it's a bunch of characters. I don't really care very much about. I mean, perhaps obviously it's lovely, but I'm sorry, I still haven't got used to new Tony as I keep thinking of him. So I find that a bit weird. Still can't help getting old Tony. And then, having Johnny in whiny Henry and Helen, I want to strike you involved in the whole scenario, really kind of makes me think, oh, for God's sake, just get over with. And then the third thing, I think it's a really tough one to act. And I have to say, it's all very dramatic and all that sort of stuff. But I think it's been such a lot of fantastic acting. And I spoke about Hayley and that story line. And how that really brought her out as an actress. But I don't know, the acting in this just felt a little bit too over the top and a little bit happy to me. So those are the three reasons why I'm not just out here crying into my slice of red wine, but calling you instead. And really, I'd just love to know if I'm the only one. But yeah, call me cold heartless fish if you want. Thanks a lot, bye. Julie, Sardine Tin, this is her for, well, she said, this is my first ever call. And then thankfully qualify that with to you rather than just her first ever. 'Cause that would be a bit weird. And she's really guilty because everyone's going on about how sad they are and they're all crying. And she feels like a cold-hearted cow because she wasn't that bothered and she thought the acting was a bit over the top. And she was genuinely unmoved. But I think that's all right, to be honest, you can't love all the characters and there are some of them you just think, nah, not that bothered that you're dead, really. I was slightly surprised how upset a lot of people got actually with Friday's episode. And don't get me wrong, I thought it was good. But maybe it's because I'm just saying there is kind of too much this and too much that actually happened at the moment. And I just need things just to calm down a little. Then I couldn't get swept up in the emotion of it. It was part of me that was kind of fighting, going, well, hmm, Tony is a miserable old sod. And however, I did comment last week on how it was really quite nice, though it was slightly heavy-handed to see him getting on so well with Johnny. But that was the payoff there, wasn't it? And for me, we were just led. So, no, did anybody know that he's going to be good by the ball? Absolutely not. But you knew something was going to happen because the way that grandfather and grandson were bonding, et cetera, it now, I'm so glad that last week I said he was somewhat kind of saccharine, because then there you go. Tony dives in front of the ball to save his two grandchildren. - I don't think he's coming into my being settled. - Exactly. Why can't grandfathers and grandsons just get on? And that's just a thing. But no, the payoff has to be that, you know, he will sacrifice himself for, you know, for his offspring, so to speak. - My brain starts to whizz ahead and start thinking, like, what will that mean? Does that mean Tom's coming back? If Tony dies, he will eat over the farm. So, what would that mean for Rob? Will that mean that Helen and Rob will move in with Peggy to look after her? And this is, and I was very conscious that I wasn't in the moment and worrying about Tony who had a bull sat on his head. I was just thinking about what that means. - Right, I would say with you completely, 'cause then that's how Tom's gonna get the call back. He's what I thought from Canada, and X and Y and Z, and blah, blah, blah, blah. What I want is purely, not purely, what I want is a wholly character-driven drama. I don't want a purely events-driven drama. You know, there's, you know, Kenton's great. When Kenton has just been Kenton and there isn't a point to it, I actually like it more. You know, that's the truth. - There is no point to Kenton. (all laughing) - You know, Jim Lloyd, there is no point to Jim Lloyd. - And that's reason why I love him. There's no point to him- - There isn't anything other than- - Exactly, other than just to come out with Latin phrases and bits of classical history. - Yeah. - That's what I want. - Yeah. - Hello, you two, John from Newcastle here. Just a very quick call to talk about Friday nights episode. I thought it was absolutely fantastic. It was so poignant, so emotional and so tense, and I absolutely loved it. The acting was fantastic as well, particularly Patricia Gallimore, who played Pat. I thought she put in such a moving performance. So, well done, Kerry Davis, well done to the cast. It was amazing. Speak to you later, bye. - John from Newcastle wants to congratulate Patricia Gallimore on fabulous acting. She is a fabulous actress, but mostly I remember her from an amazing performance as a floor repost that she did in a radio adaptation of Cold Cums at Farm, which is one of my most favoritist radio recordings of all time, she was absolutely unbelievable. But anyway, she's a very, very funny comic actress, but obviously being Pat, she's too busy being cross about things to ever show that on the arches. - Hi, don't you, Tom? This is Jennifer in France. Thank you for the podcast. Wonderful, really enjoying it. I'd like to draw your attention to creepy devil child, Henry Archer. Firstly, it was hell and going into premature labor with Henry that broke up the lower Loxley party early and led to Nigel deciding to go onto the roof. Now we have Henry insisting on going into the yard and poor Tom, Tony, gets trampled by Otto. Weird. Funny how she got pregnant so quickly when it usually takes people ages and several girls like that. So I think we have a Rosemary's Baby scenario here. And that kid just creates me out, basically. Thank you, bye. Jennifer, who thinks it is Henry that is Rosemary's baby. You said you think it's George Grundy? - It's completely George Grundy. She says, Henry not wanting to go to parties before someone always dies before a party and it's always Henry's fault or is really injured. Like, she was at a party when she went to labor with him and then something else happened at someone else's party and then this time he stuffed up Peggy's party. So yes, maybe it's my party. Some of us don't, Jennifer. Some of us- - Probably some die Adventist. - Yeah. (laughing) - Oh sorry, half of my family was seven day Adventist, but oh God. (laughing) - Wow, what a stupendous week that was in Ambridge. The script writers must be congratulated on how sensitively they have portrayed what is a very difficult and emotionally charged subject matter. I was close to tears listening in and I'm sure I was not alone in this. Of course, what I'm referring to is the mention in this week's archers of capital gains tax that previously caused me great worry over the sale of Brookfield. I'm on Tender Hooks and can't wait to see if the plot is resolved next week by the introduction of Roll Over Relief. The other dumpty dummers reassure me means that capital gains tax is not in play here. But perhaps as the show goes out before the watershed, this is too hot a subject to air. On that other minor happening this week, the bridge farm reenactment of the Pamploma Bull Run with Tony taking one for the team. Go to O'Nell, go to O'Nell. I thought the episodes were delivered as comic masterpieces. Of course, I accept the serious nature of agricultural accidents and bovine related mishaps, having once fallen off a cow myself whilst on a farm as a child. But the nuances of the scenes were superb. I felt that there had been a terrible mix up as when Pat was talking with the consultant in intensive care. There was a tremendous amount of snorting and bellowing going on in the background from the occupants of the bed. It sounded as if the boarstature air ambulance had whisked off Otto into the helicopter by mistake. And it was he who was lying there in the hospital bed and not Tony. The doctor sounded very unsure of who he was and what job he did. He could barely say neurospinal surgeon and introduce himself as the backbone man. He had a bit of trouble with thoracolumba junction as well. So I'm seriously worried about this man's credentials. Thank goodness Tony hadn't had his bladder trampled on or we would have had an uncomfortable encounter with the urologist or willy man as he prefers to be known. I love the bit where Mr. Backbow man described the results of the CT scan to Pat in medical jargon. And when she asked what it actually meant, he gave a slightly derisery scoff, a classic medical soap scene. Personally, I blame Rob Tichner for the accident. Anyway, get well soon Tony. I'm sure you'll get back to your old, happy-go-lucky self enjoying a pint down the, uh, bull. Hmm, oh dear. Hi, don't you dumb, my name's Mary and I live in Kingston, wet London, and I sometimes treat as Mary Littis. I've been listening to the archers since I was a child in the 60s when it was just kind of background noise, really, in the room. I've been following it properly since the mid 80s, I guess. I thought it was about time I phoned in, especially as I'm publishing my wellies for the awards unit suite. So I'm really looking forward to meeting you all. I did have a plot prediction all lined up for once to relate to you, namely that I referenced that Rob was going to be all mock jealous at whoever was playing the hero against Helen, opposite Helen in the Christmas play. And he's gonna land the first physical blow. But then I'm all that's seen now because Tony got otoed and Rob is all family man of the moment and rooting for the farm and what have you. Cried into my mashed potato on Friday with all the goings on there with a hospital. But what I do want to know is why hasn't anyone contacted Tom and why isn't he hot footing it back from Canada with his voice changed with all the emotion of it all. Haven't quite got my head round all that yet. I'd have to have a little think about that over the coming weeks. Oh, one quick sort of by the way for last week. I know that the shoot episode was all blah, blah, blah, just in Elliot and blah, blah, blah venison pasties and the like, but I thought it was absolutely lovely that Will and Ed were speaking to each other's like brothers again and were really kind to each other and supportive and that brought a tear to my eye as well which was great. Oh, one last thing to say my family really very supportive over the years. We've often had supper around about arches time and they've put up with it very well except if more than two tired men are talking at any one time or anyone cries on the program or indeed I start to cry then I have to turn it off. And listen to the podcast or read the synopsis. But on a positive note, my son who's in his twenties now past his John Ambulance exam with a special mention of his tiny and consistent chest compressions because during his test he hummed the arches tune to himself to get the rhythm. So what have you say about the arches? Dum de dum de dum, does save lives. So there you go. Loving the podcasts, we're probably phoning again now. Now I've had the practise and speaking again soon and looking forward to seeing you Saturday. Bye now. - Pull room, that did make me laugh, the Willy man. - Yes, that whole doctor thing was, it was like, it just kept reminding me of a Steve Martin film really 'cause he was either talking in comprehensible medical jargon or saying the backbone's connected to the neck bone at some point, it was just daft really. We've had some good emails in as well. One from a Foo Girl, which really made me laugh. Listening to last week's podcast, The Lovely Royfield, said the loads of paps at the awards ceremony. I thought it only fair to point out that where I am in Scotland, paps equals boobs. It certainly gives a whole different image of how the evening might turn out. - Well then I'd say that the start of the show I've got Scottish ancestry. I know exactly what paps meant. That was a Royfield double untied, blah, blah, blah. - And Jennifer Turner said, "Please may we have more silent characters to vote for. "I want to vote for I'm pugsly, now take them." Her failing to note is not only the Lizzie and Roy affair, but also the whole of locksmiths. I trust she was shot in her room with the applause in. - Well, the silent character award has been very popular. And some silent characters had many more votes and actually characters who actually have voices and actors attached to them. So BBC, if you need to cost cut, you know what you need to do. One and a half would be like John Cage's but it's decided to just be one and a half, one and a quarter hours of nothing. And that's it, that's the end of the calls. - Ooh, and emails. - And emails. - Right. - Ooh, no, it isn't a lie. Sorry, there's one that I forgot. Sarah said, she just said prediction. Adam talks Brian into making a quick offer. Ruth talks David into accepting it, exchange of contracts in 30 days. Ham hawks or whatever the Northumbrian place is called is snapped up while D.R. - Hadley. - Hadley. Our driver is snapped up while D.R. are driving the cows up North and or Heather Pet turns up her toes. D.R. returned to Anchorage, hoping to unwind the sale to Brian too late. Debbie is the new manager of Brookfield, a wholly owned subsidiary of Home Farm. D.R. become tenant farmers on their own, formerly owned land. Kenton says, well, at least I got my dash and Joe Grundy says, "Oh David Archer, you just have to be thankful "for what you've got and life carries on." And then she's put, Y-H-I-H-F, which I presume is one of those youth things. That means, oh my God, or something. But I don't know what it means. What does Y-H-I-H-F mean? - You're asking me I'm older than you remember. - I know, but you're street and I'm not. - Nothing's called into Cosmo. He says I'm literally his posh is in 'cause I live in Nottingham. - Yeah, that's true. But do you know what it means? - No. - No, you don't, because you're too posh too to know what it means. But we need to get somebody not posh, don't we? - Why don't we have our, get our production assistant who's with you there to quickly search on his phone whilst we'd gavel on and he would say it's soon tell us. - I think if we refer to him as our production, (laughing) - You don't see comment from the BBC. - I'm the only one who can make our email work. I think we want to be a lot more polite to him than we are being, to be perfectly frank. - Sorry Martin, but listen, I did pick him up in a previous podcast and say I wanted a bromance with him. - You did? - Yeah, so I think it's only kiss. - I can't remember this time. (laughing) - I think it gets out with somebody on Tinder or whatever that thing is and saying, oh, you're not at all how you sounded on your emails, disappointingly. (laughing) - Is it time for the hashtag, the archer's tweets of the week? - It is. - Or shall, oh no, no, no, no. Let's get all ITV and have a commercial break instead. - Okay. - I've just had a look at the dumb to dumb shop. They've got no track seats, but they do do T-shirts which are very flattering. Nice if you want to show off your figure a little bit. Nick couldn't carry one off of course, but I can. - I can't do the top five hashtag archer's tweets of the week because there are too many of them. Hang on, my production assistant is wavering. (laughing) - Ah, it means you heard it here first. - Oh. - Y-H-I-H-F. - Was that from the Urban Dictionary? - Yes, it was. - Ah, good. (laughing) - So at least we know the name of the thing where we find out what people are talking about, even if we don't know what they're talking about. - Absolutely. - I think we should have one of these production assistants every week. - So do I. - Look how smooth things have been. - I know. It's only taken us 3/4 of an hour to start recording. Very good. - For us. Right, yes, there are too many good and funny tweets of the week. So close your eyes and just point at one and then do that for the other four. - No. Catherine E.K. talked about her preparations for our award ceremony. - Okay, yeah. - She says, "I am going to buy a new dress "and then have a melt down after asking Robert "if it looks okay." There was a conversation which made me laugh between a barefoot mower and genial geologist who said, "I think someone wants a bigger farm "to impress Charlie Thomas with. "Is that a massive acreage in your pocket or island?" (laughing) - We asked for suggestions for food. We could provide at the awards, not really because we aren't going to do any food, but anyway. And Sandeen suggested pulled beef too soon. (laughing) And then we went on to the most tasteless collection of tweets I've ever seen about the bull bit. Girl from Mars78 said, "Bet the sound effects team "love that rampaging bull and an air ambulance "all in one episode." Bike widow said, "I hope Tony's mouth is paralyzed." (laughing) Steve Conway said, "After all these years listening "and I never realized that Tony even had a backbone. "But my favorite was, this is dreadful. "Did you used to watch Bullseye?" - Yes. - Right, this could be a bit of bully. (laughing) This is a London station said, "Bullye special prize. "You've won a ride an helicopter and a wheelchair." (laughing) - Oh, do you remember the golden shark back in the pool? You might get a bit young. Do you remember the golden shark with bubmung house? - I used to watch that. - My mom was on that once. She got the silver prize, yeah, yeah, yeah. - What does she win? - Exercise bike. (laughing) And I was the only member of the family. (laughing) - That went on that bloody thing, you know. And she had a lovely picture with a nice 70s afro on the phone, which say he's on the golden shark. So there you go. - Where's the golden shark Bernie the Bolt or something? - I think you're right. I think you're right. - Production assistant's nodding. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, well, yeah. But he's of a... - He's 84, you know. It's amazing what he can remember. (laughing) - Are we done? - We are. - All right, cool. Nobody wants to write reviews, but bloody hella love us on Facebook we now have a stonking five, 115 likes. - Thank God I don't put too much store by these iTunes reviews. We asked you on Facebook, this ought to be actually sweet, we asked. - Simply put, dumpedy dummies, should Tony Archer croak now he has been gored by Otto? Have we had enough of the home farm misery guts? - Mark Everden kicked things off by writing. - I think Tony should live. He's like the Morrissey of Ambridge, he's winging is strangely addictive. - Peter Lambert continued. - I've really taken to David Troughton in the role, though part of me wants him to regenerate into Sean Pertwey. (laughing) - And then Alice and Butler got all emoji. - I was surprised by how upset I felt whilst listening, given that he is fantastically annoying. I am hoping that Tony makes a partial recovery, discovers medicinal cannabis and retires to run a yoga retreat with organic meals included. - And now here is Millie Bell, who's got us the 515 lights on Facebook in no time at all, with some other arches related goings on. - Good day, everyone. Facebook was a buzz with all the happenings on the arches this week, and many of you had something to say about Helen leaving Henry at Bridge Farm when he only had a sniffle. But as usual, there were some fabulously entertaining posts on a range of arches issues. On the arches appreciation group, Louise Marge Gilles, who loves the arches, posted that she had a fab evening discussing storylines with a fellow listener in a bar in Turkey. Her husband described it as "Eastenders for posh people to those who didn't understand the concept." He's never listened, but she supposes that the hunt ball and upstairs downstairs shagging does rather give one a false impression. On the arches anonymous page, Nikki Hoddenart posted, "I'm desperate to see Peggy's reaction to Johnny's birthday present. Given her current poor state of health, a calendar to enjoy for the next 12 months would be as useful as tits on a fish." However, my favorite post was some light relief after the shock of Tony's contraton with a ball, and was another poster on the arches appreciation group. Sarah Andrews posted that with all the who-hars at Bridge Farm this evening, "Surely Peggy's party can't go ahead, I just hope somebody remembers to cancel the stripper. Please keep the post coming, you're in an entertaining bunch." Now, on a personal note, I just wanted to let you into a secret. Roy Field and Lucy said that if we got 500 likes on Facebook, I could be promoted from Chief Bottle Washer. I'm delighted to say that at 5.50pm Australian Eastern Standard Time on Saturday, Bill Walker became the 500th person to like our Facebook page. I'm very grateful to you, everyone, because, confidentially, you would not believe how many bottles Roy Field and Lucy get through when they're recording the podcast. Have a good week, everyone. And remember to look at us on Facebook. - I'm full of the joys of life because the police didn't in me, and I always see the positive. I should be the same. (laughing) - Oh, yeah. - I remember you can send us a photo. (laughing) You and your dodgy accents, you know. I don't sound anything like that. - Oh, he's better, no. (laughing) - Well, I'll tell you what, we won't be able to ask Mike and Vicki, we'll be next week because they won't know, 'cause it'd be damn having fun with us. - Yes. - And that will be properly exciting. Remember you can send us a voicemail message via the site. We can call us on OTRO3013105 from an ordinary regular phone to send us a message. Hmm, oh, you can ping us a regular text message via the site, or you can even just tweet us if you're on the Twitter @dumbdedum, or you can tweet me @royfils, where R-O-I-F-I-E-L-D. - Or me @looseyvfringum. - So please, please, please keep those reviews coming. Oh, I forgot, you don't want to. You can't really be bothered. So who will be put me ticket back to burning up? - This is great. I'm doing a person doing an impression of a burning up. - Absolutely. And then Brahmys will say, "Actually, I'm doing the black country," 'cause that's it. You actually have to turn it up, 'cause that's the thing about burning up accents. You do a burning accent. You end up standing like me and people go, "Well, you know, that's really burning up music, "so you gotta do the black country." So I'm from Wolverhampton, and of course, me ticket. I'm booked me ticket to Birminghamvidestrainline.com. So goodbye, everybody. It was nice podcasting to you all. That's it. It's over. I'm done. Are you getting in next week, Luce? Erm, I don't know. I think I might give exit a dorm house a run for a reason. (laughing) I've got a queue, you know. People are queuing up this game. - Goodbye, everybody. - Bye. - Tilly. - That was all right. - It was. We were faster than normal as well. It's because we were embarrassed because Martin was here. (laughing) - Hello, dumpty-dum. The lower luxury laureate here, reacting this week has been exceptional, and it's made me think. To be an actor, he must be a grafter, and convey passion, and sadness, and laughter. But the members of the cast have now been bypassed as it's Otto who's up for a barfter. - This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever think about switching insurance companies to see if you could save some cash? Progressive makes it easy to see if you could save when you bundle your home and auto policies. Try it at progressive.com. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates, potential savings will vary, not available in all states. - My dad works in B2B marketing. He came by my school for career day and said he was a big row as man. Then he told everyone how much he loved calculating his return on ad spend. My friend's still laughing at me to this day. Not everyone gets B2B, but with LinkedIn, you'll be able to reach people who do. Get $100 credit on your next ad campaign. Go to LinkedIn.com/results to claim your credit. That's LinkedIn.com/results. Terms and conditions apply. LinkedIn, the place to be, to be.

Dum Tee Dum Episode 33 – Caller-innerers and too much drama

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