Bitchslap

Melrose Place S3 E28 - Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

Michael shows up at Amanda's office, Sydney orders a sandwich, Jane wins, Jake is done, Alison has an interview on a boat, Billy takes advice from Brooke, Amanda gets a note, and Matt deals with Paul.

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Duration:: 1h 1m
Broadcast on:: 13 Aug 2024
Audio Format:: mp3

This podcast is brought to you by E-Harmony, the dating app to find someone you can be yourself with. Why doesn't E-Harmony allow copy and paste in first messages? Because you are unique and your conversations should reflect that. E-Harmony wants you to find someone who will get you. How are you going to know who gets you? If people send you the same generic conversation starters, they message everyone else. Conversations that actually help you get to know each other. Imagine that, get who gets you on E-Harmony. Sign up today. (upbeat music) - Hi, welcome to Bitch Slap. This is Rachel Fisher. This is Dancing John again. And this is Melrose Place, season three, episode 28, Kiss Kiss, bang bang. Was it two bangs? - Yeah. - Anyway, Jake, Jake is furious with Jess. - Yeah, we just start off mid-argument. Mid-argument because Jake knows that Jess has been fucking Joe behind a dumpster. - Now, that's where we left off last episode, right? They were fucking by the dumpster. Is that where we left, dude? It's been so long. - I know, it's been a long time. But I was trying to remember, 'cause it made me think, did he see them on security camera? Like, I'm looking at my notes from episode 27 right now, and I'm trying to see, okay. I feel like that was the end of an episode. - Jess met Joe at the beach. Oh wait, Jake already did find out. - Okay. - I think Jake found out in the episode, I just don't remember. - Okay. - Anyway, I'm sorry. - So now he's pissed and kicking Jess out though. - Yeah, he's like, and Jess is like, come on, Jake, you know this doesn't have anything to do with Joe. Wait. Oh. - Who says who do you think you are? - Oh, Jess says that. - Who do you think you are? - Right. This is crazy because anyone in the world would be like, this is fucked up on Joe and Jess's part. (laughs) Obviously Jake wasn't in a relationship with her, but you still don't do that. You don't do that, it's bad form, it's trashy behavior. And if I were Joe, I understand like, sometimes things happen and you do something that's like a moral gray area, right? But if I were Joe, I would at least be like, I feel bad about this and this is not right. - But on Jess's part, well Jess is extra dumb 'cause he's trying to rebuild a relationship with his brother. So that's what makes it even stupider. I mean, clearly he doesn't really want to do that, but like, do you know what I mean? - Yeah, he could've fucked anyone else and they should both get Jake's anger, I think. - I agree, it's bad form, it's really dumb. So Jake is like, just leave your keys on the way out and then Jess starts antagonizing Jake. He's like, he really bothers you that a hot woman like Joe chose me, doesn't it? And Joe's like, he said I'm hot. And then Jess starts going like, she said I was the best she ever had, I rocked her world and he starts like telling Jake how good they fuck. Jake is like fuming and so he punches Jess and they start fighting and then Joe runs out and she's like, Jake, Jake, get off. She's just like, you're gonna kill him. I love that she jumped too, you're gonna kill him. - Yeah. - Like I was like, he just got punched and is on the ground. It wasn't like Jake was kicking him in the side or something. I was really disappointed that they didn't go into the pool. They kept showing that pool in the background, a few angles where I was like, yes, gotta use the pool. And no, they teased it, but I realized, oh, this is like misogyny and action because the pool fights are only reserved for the women. - That's true. - Why don't we get shirtless men in the pool fighting? - I wanna see greasy Jess go in. - Yeah. - Like the oil spill around him. - Yeah. So Jess is like, he just started hitting me and Jake's like, never wanna see your face again. - Yeah, Jake's done. He's like, get your shit, get your other flannel shirt and get out of here. - You're North Pacific Northwest as out of here. - Yeah. After the credits, we see Matt's date Paul, who's the doctor at the hospital on his way out the door. And he's telling Matt, he's like, I'm sorry, I can't stay for coffee. I got surgery, but I had a great time last night. And Matt's like in his Southwest/Native American style bathrobe. - It's like so 90s. - Holding a mug of coffee with two hands. He's having a real Folgers moment here. - He totally is. - And he's like in post-coitus bliss. - I like seeing Matt after a one night stand or whatever, like the day after. - Yeah. - It's a successful day. - Yeah. Little does he know that the reason this guy's running out the door is 'cause he has to go back to his wife. - And just to make this even more 90s, Matt's like, you forgot your beeper. - Yeah. - He's nowhere to be seen. - Yeah, Paul forgets his pager at Matt's apartment. So Matt's gonna have to give that to him later. At the hospital, Michael and Kimberly are called into the chief of staff's office. - Mr. Hobbes. - Yeah, this is like the period where they're like, what are we doing with Michael and Kimberly now? - Yeah. - They're still figuring it out in this episode. - Yeah. - A little bit at the beginning. - And so they get scolded by the chief of staff. He's like, I know you guys are messy bitches. We don't want that at the hospital anymore. - And this is like a guy we've never seen before. - We've never even heard of Mr. Hobbes yet. He's a new character. I don't even know if we'll see him again. - I guess he's Peter's replacement. - Yeah, he's Peter's replacement. - So they're basically like, you guys are psycho, but you're still on staff. - It's outrageous. All of the things that he mentioned and brought up in the meeting that both of them are still employed at this hospital. - He even has Kimberly's suicide note. - He's like, we know you're crazy. - Yeah, we don't want this to get out. - But we don't want anyone to know. So you're still on staff. - Also, that's like the least crazy thing about Kimberly, like that she had suicidal ideation. - That's almost normal after everything she's gone through. - Right, but he tells her he's like, we know you have serious problems. It's like, you're not mandating her like a counselor. Intensive therapy. - A psyche val? - Like she's on paperwork route until she's like, she can't see patients for a while. - Yeah. - I mean, this is crazy. - There's no like, temporary leave of absence. - Take a break. - Take a break, maybe? No. - I also love how they're always put together. - Mm. - Like you two. - You two. - He's like, I have no all about your divorce, your messy divorce, but you're great doctors. So you're staying on staff. - And then he actually says to them at the end, thank God you didn't have kids. - Yeah. - And Kimberly's like, mmm. (laughing) - Allison and Brooker taken a walk and Allison is out of the skirt suit. She is wearing a oversized leather bomber jacket with jeans. - Yeah, she's been fired from D&D. Like that happens. - Pushed out. - Yeah, pushed out by Amanda's coup. - Yeah. - And so she's telling Brook, she's like, I'm not gonna come back to D&D even if like they had a place for me. And Brook is like, well, I arranged for you to have a meeting with my father. He's hiring a VP of marketing. - And Allison's like, I don't know, maybe I need a break, but the job sounds too good to pass up. - Yeah, she's like, I don't even know what I want, Brook. She's like, I just wanna repair my relationship with Billy. Brook's like, Allison, you really should consider this interview. - Oh. (laughing) - I don't know where this is going. - At Jane Mancini Designs, Sydney tells Jane, she's like, I flushed the drugs, 'cause she flushed like, that was like 50 bricks of heroin. - How do you, first of all, how do you flush that much drugs without fucking up your toilet? Like that's so much. Also, why would you flush the drugs of people who could possibly kill you in your whole family, just for spite? - Like if, yeah, why would you do that? - That's crazy. - Why would you do that? - You would be up Schitt's Creek. You would be a dead woman walking. - Your whole family and everyone within sight of you would be dead. It would be like, I can't even believe she said she did this. - It's like, it's so crazy. - She's like, look, Jane, I flushed the drugs, okay? - Yeah, and we're talking about boxes, bricks and bricks. - Of heroin, like millions of dollars worth of heroin. - Oh my god. - And then Jane's like, listen you little idiot. You're gonna get us out of this mess. And Sydney's like, okay, okay, geez. And so, Jim Panihos, who's like the gangster, a guy who got her into this mess. - Yeah. - They get on a call together and Sydney's like, you sent us heroin. And he's like, not on the phone. - God, she's so bad at this. - And then he's like, let me explain why we sent you heroin. And she's like, ah, what? And he's like, I just felt like the other night at dinner, we really connected. (laughs) That's the way to Sydney, like give her a little compliment. - And he's like, when do you meet me tonight for dinner at Flynn's and it'll all make sense? And he's also the one that they kind of went out on a date already. So he's like the one sort of buttering her up. - Right. Jane is furious. And Sydney's like, take a chill pill, Jane. I've got it under control. Back at the hospital, Matt is looking for Paul 'cause he wants to give him his pager. And he goes into his office and his secretary is like, he's still in surgery. And Matt's like, well, he left his pager at the gym. So I'm bringing it back. - This whole, Matt is so sus in this scene. - Yeah. - Like he's not playing at cool at all. - Well, he really hammers. He doesn't, he's not casual about it. He's not like, oh, he left this in the gym. He's like, he left it in the gym where he was working out. I saw, we work out together. Sometimes I'm also in the gym. (laughs) - Right, it's like, you'd be like, hey, is he here? He left this in the gym. That's the end of story. That's what a normal person would do. - Yeah, he's very suspicious. And then that's when Matt notices a framed photo on Paul's desk and he's like, who's that woman in the picture? Is that Paul's sister? - It's like, Matt, you know, damn well. That's not Paul's sister, you idiot. Like also, he like picks the picture up off the desk too. I just feel like, isn't that something you clock it? And then you go, who is that person to the guy? Not to the secretary, right? Like, yeah, it was weird. He just made this whole thing very suspicious. And the secretary's like, that's his wife. She's a wonderful woman. Which is like, that knighted shooters, Joe wants to talk to Jake. And he's like, oh yeah, what about? He's being very short with her. - He should be. - He's pissed off for good reason. He's like, I can't trust either one of you. And then he says, this was funny. He goes, I'm worried about you, Joe. You're slipping. You used to be able to like, have a good picker, or what did he say? Like, you used to be able to tell if someone was a good person. - Right, her picker is off now. - You're slipping though, it's a funny thing to say. - Yeah, now she's slipping. It wasn't the last 20 times. - Reid wasn't your sign that she didn't have a good picker, Jake. (laughing) - And Joe is just being ridiculous. Like, what does she not get here? - Yeah, she blames Jake for this. She's like, this isn't about Jess. It's about you not getting what you want. - And then he's like, you know what? Both of you betrayed me. - I mean, yes. - He's right, he's right, but I love the drama. - Yeah. - You betrayed me. - He's like, you both betrayed me. - Jake's cute when he's upset like this. - He's putting his foot down, he's setting a boundary. - I agree. - He's asserting himself and he's being honest. - He has every right to feel how he feels. - Yeah. At Flynn's, the restaurant, Sydney arrives and sits down at the table with Jim Pannyhose. And that's when he shows her his badge. And she's like, ah, am I in trouble? (laughing) - How is she involved in this type of thing? And still kind of like, whoa, I feel like fucking pissing myself. - No, I would at this point at least start crying. - Me too, like, how is she like, whoa, whoa, oh shit. - She willikers, this is a pickle. - And he's like, it's okay, you're safe. I'm an undercover FBI agent. And he's like, we're two days away from busting this entire drug ring operation. And we need your help. And she's like, oh, I'm an innocent victim here. - Yeah. - And he's, Jim Pannyhose says, if you wanna save yourself, you're gonna need to get your name off of every Mancini designs document. You need to completely erase yourself from the company. - Right. And he's acting like, 'cause he has some feelings for her. He wants to help her avoid. - This is crazy, 'cause I'm sitting here thinking, why would it be Jane's fault if this happened to her unknowing? Do you know what I mean? - Yeah. - If they've been undercover, they would know, right? - That she didn't know. - That she didn't know. So it's kind of crazy, this whole scheme. - Yeah. And so he tells Sydney, he's like, what you're gonna do is write your resignation letter with Jane Mancini designs, but backdated a week ago before any of this happened. - The old backdating, as if that's illegal. (laughing) - You doing things? - Yeah. And Sydney is hesitant about this. She's like, well, what about Jane gonna get in trouble? And he's like, you're just gonna have to trust me on this. And you can't tell anyone, and you can't save Jane. And she's like, oh boy. Whoa, what can I do then? Like, it's literally like, I can only save one of you. So they end this hand almost like you're like, what is Sydney gonna do? - Yeah. Is she gonna, is she gonna warn Jane that the FBI's closing in on them? - How is she gonna wriggle her way out of this one? - The next day at D&D, Kimberly shows up to Amanda's office. And she's like, what are you doing here? And she's like, Amanda, I wanna apologize about Michael. 'Cause Amanda and Kimberly had gotten into it earlier because Kimberly thought Amanda was like trying to steal her husband. - Right. - But Amanda's like, I actually ended things with Michael and I don't want anything to do with him. I follow a restraining order against him. He's crazy. - You can have him. - You can have him. And she says to Kimberly, I think you married a very sick man. And Kimberly says, Amanda, there's something I have to tell you. You didn't survive your cancer because of Michael. You survived it in spite of him. And she tells Amanda that Michael purposefully screwed up her cancer treatment. I had to rewind this several times. - Right. She's basically, I guess there was a first thing they tried before they did the experimental thing in New York. - So her claim is that Michael intentionally ruined that treatment. So they had to do the experimental one or something. - Right. That's what she's telling Amanda. And she's like, you should really sue him. And she warns Amanda that he needs to be stopped and she can call her anytime. - Yeah. - Amanda's really dumb for this, for trusting Kimberly. - Yeah. - But I appreciate Kimberly going for it. (laughing) - She's not letting Michael out of this one. - She always goes the extra mile. And you know what? She's not a victim anymore. - No. - She's a perpetrator. - That's right. We remember. - At the hospital, Paul runs into Matt in the hallway and he's in his office or whatever. And he's like, hey. So my assistant Susan says, you're really cute. He's all flirting like, he's like flirting with Matt. And Matt's like, wonder how your wife would feel about that. - Matt's pissed. - We love a pissed Matt. - I love when he's pissed off and short with people. - Yeah. - 'Cause then he gets super snarky. - Yeah. - It's really funny. And Paul's like, I was gonna tell you. And Matt's pissed. And he's like, all right. I have to tell you something else. And he tells Matt, you're the only man I've ever been with. Matt's like, that's supposed to make me feel better. This is crazy. 'Cause this guy is like, I don't know how to be gay. I need your help. - Yeah, he needs like these movie montage of Matt showing Paul how to be gay. He wants Matt to like take him to the Abbey. Then they go buy some Andrew Christian thongs. Yeah, they do a bunch of like stereotypical we-ho gay shit. They go take a class at Barry's. - They do like the thing where he's like, put this handkerchief and you're like, do you know how they use that? - He shows him the handkerchiefs. He shows him, he's like, pick what color you want. This is what they all mean. They go to a drag show. - Totally. - You want this montage? - We needed this. - This is crazy. - We needed this montage or we needed a dream sequence of Paul imagining this is what the montage is gonna be and it's all these very stereotypical gay films. - They go to like a sex toy store and that points them out like no. - No, you don't want this anal trainer. You want that anal trainer. - Thumbs up. I love to Matt says to him, buy a book. He's literally like go get therapy. - Yeah, yeah, he's like buy a book. - I'm not gonna teach you how to be gay. - Of course, this being Matt, he's still, after all of this, he still ends this conversation going, we're strictly friends, okay? It's like you do not even have to be friends with him, Matt. - Right. - Like cut him off. - Like cut him off. How is this not a cut off, immediate cut off? - No, it's so sad because even when Matt does set a boundary, he'll often like not set it completely. - Yeah. - He'll still leave a little wiggle room. - Yes, and that's what friends is for me. That's not a friend. - He does say, you know, unless your marital status changes. Unless you get divorced, I'm not gonna fuck you again. - But even that, it's like, why would you want a guy who did that to you, period? - Yeah. - Like, oh my God. - At Jane Mancini Designs, Sydney's like, all right, Jane, I talked to the guy. They agreed to let us out of the deal. And she's like, and you're right, I can't handle this job. I'm gonna quit. I think we should just pretend that I was never present it at all. In fact, you can keep all the money I gave you. And here's my resignation letter. And Jane is like, Sydney, why is this resignation letter backdated? (laughing) And she's like, well, I've been thinking about this for a while. - Oh my God. - Jane is like, Sydney, what aren't you telling me? - Yeah. - And she's like, nothing, I just want out. Jane's like, all right. And Sydney runs out the door, like scrambles. Let's take a quick break here and we'll be right back. (upbeat music) - This summer, Instacart presents famous summer flavors come into your front door, or pool, or hotel. - Your grocery delivery has arrived, sir. - That was faster than room service. - No violence in the lobby. - Oh, seriously? 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(upbeat music) - Allison's job interview with Brooke's dad is on a boat. It's on a yacht that's decorated by a granny. - This, why is it a Victorian sitting room? - Why is this yacht decorated like that? - It's crazy. - There's one of those silver teapots with all the filligrees on it and all the like, it's designed-- - It's like the lampshade with the fringe, like the jacquard. (laughing) - Yeah, and like lots of old furniture. - It is crazy. - It looks like a fucking bed and breakfast. Why wouldn't, no, I've never seen a yacht decorate. It's like either nautical, super sleek. - Right. - This is crazy. - No, this is bizarre and I also think it's outrageous that Hailey Armstrong has the audacity to hold an interview on a boat. - That's a level of power we'll never know. (laughing) - That, it seems creepy. - It's creepy. Why are you making Allison drive to Marina Del Rey to have this interview? - I would be like, no, I need to be in a conference room or something. - Doesn't he? - This is unprofessional. - This guy's a billionaire. Why doesn't he have an office in Century City? - No, this is wild. - This is outrageous. So he, Brooke's dad is offering Allison $100,000 a year plus bonuses and vacation. And Allison's like, wow, that sounds wonderful. And she's like, I'm seriously considering this. And he's like, you're everything my daughter said you were. - And at this point, I'm like, what's, what are you holding back for? You don't need a job, right? (laughing) Like, do you know what I mean? Like, you just take it. Just be like, I'm very interested. I don't get it. She's playing like really hard to get for no reason. - She acts like, I'm gonna go backpacking in Europe or something, like she's like making a life change or something right now. - Yeah, she's acting like I want to get out of the corporate world. - How much was her severance? Like, it must have been pretty good if she's willing to do this. - Yeah. So Sydney, cut to Sydney at a payphone talking to Jim Paniho's FBI agent. And he's telling her her next instructions. He's like, you need to get out of town right now. You need to go to Palm Springs. And when you get there, you go to this fast food place on 6th and Maine. When you get to the fast food place, ask for a pastrami on rye. And she's like, pastrami on rye, got it. - This is so crazy. - And he says, the clerk will give you the name of a hotel and you wait at the hotel and then I'll meet you there. And she's like, all right. - But she is kind of like laughing at some point. - She does think it's silly. - She says to him, she's like, it sounds kind of dumb. I was like, you got that right, honey. - That night at a bar called Side Show. - This looked like a fun place. - But this was, where was this bar? - I don't know because when they went inside, I was like, this feels kind of familiar. - It looked like that bar that Alison got drunk out before she went to rehab. - Oh, right, but it had a different name. - I meant, it looks familiar, like it's in LA and I've been there. 'Cause there was something about the way the booths were. Like, I just recognized it. I don't know where. Was it that bar that's on like Hillhurst and Los Felis, that old, what is it called, the drawing room? - Yeah. - It had that vibe to me. - I don't know. - This place looked smoky and stinky and it was really dark inside. There's a bunch of gross men in there and Jess's playing pool. The guys in this, okay. They looked like they were like in a striker cover band or something. - I wrote, this guy looks like a rocker from 1982. This guy was so creepy looking. He looked like he was an extra in the Warriors. I couldn't believe that this man existed in 1995. - It's like when you saw a kiss without their makeup for the first time or something. - Yes. (laughing) - That look, it was like Jean Simmons wannabe. It was crazy. - Yeah, Jake bumps into this guy. - Jess. - I'm sorry, Jess bumps into this guy. And the guy, of course, is like a real hot head and they start fighting and Jess gets his ass kicked. - This was crazy 'cause Jess hits him with like his pole stick or something. - It kind of comes out of nowhere and it was like, was he intending to start this fight? Like I just didn't get what was happening here. - Because before the fight ensues, Jess overhears this rocker guy with his friends planning a robbery. - Right. - Loudly planning a robbery. - So dumb. - And so Jess, it has a bloody nose after they kick his ass and he tells the guy, he's like, we should talk. I got a job for you. - And the guy's like, oh, okay. Stop the ass kicking. (laughing) - Hailey calls Alison at home and he's like, Alison, I'd really like you to work for me. And she's all of a sudden completely changed her tune. She's like, oh my God, I got the job? - Yeah. - I'm so excited and he says, great. You'll start immediately at our Hong Kong headquarters. (laughing) And she's like, what? And he's like, yeah, I thought you knew. I thought you just knew it was in Hong Kong. And she's like, no, you never mentioned that. That would be like literally part of the interview. And how do you feel about me to Hong Kong? We'll pale your expenses, et cetera, right? Like, that should have been what Brooke led with. (laughing) It's crazy. This isn't, Billie has to go to New York even. This is, you have to move to Hong Kong. Yeah, this is wild. And she's like, well, I don't know. And he's like, well, the position has to be filled immediately. So you can sleep on it. After they get off the phone, we pan out to see Brooke is in the same room as Haley Armstrong. She's like, cuddled up to him. And she's like, oh, daddy, thank you so much. And he's like, I trust that Hong Kong is far enough away. And she's like, it's perfect, daddy. Sick, this is sick. The next day at D&D, Billie is talking to Brooke and he's like, Hong Kong, of course. And Brooke's like, Billie, I really think you should reassure Alison that this is a good idea. She needs to take this job. And Billie's like, I don't think this is a good idea. Alison needs her friends. Yeah, I mean, he's right. And he's like, I'm gonna tell her tonight a dinner. They're gonna like go to dinner. Right, to discuss this decision, basically. Right. And Brooke is like, Billie, this job will put Alison on the international landscape. She'll be part of the Pacific Rim business ladies, whatever she says. Yeah, and Billie's like, I don't know, Brooke. Sounds like it's far away. Hong Kong. Yeah, Billie's like, Hong Kong, is that even a real place? (laughing) I don't know about this. This sounds kind of so fishy. (laughing) At the hospital, oh wait, we skipped the scene. So Sydney, oh, this is great. So Sydney pulls up to this fast food stand in Palm Springs and she goes up to the window and she goes, hi, I would like a pastrami on rye. And the guy's like, lady, this is a taco stand. She's like, we got tacos, enchiladas, burritos. Like, he doesn't have time for her shit. And she's like, maybe you didn't hear me. I would like a pastrami on rye. And he's like, listen, you little bitch. No, she's so irritating and he's not having it. He doesn't know who this woman is. Although I will say there wasn't anyone else online. He's acting like there was this huge pile up of people or something. No, he was a little rude too quickly. He didn't even like gently say like, oh, I'm sorry. Like, we don't have that here. And then when she asked the second time, he would have been like, no, no, no, we don't have that. But like Sherman's, you can get that there. Right, but when she opened the thing, the window, after he shot it, then he can get a route. He can get rude with her, I think. Yes, yes, 'cause she keeps like reopening the window after he shuts it. Um, now I have to say, I don't remember this episode until I watched it. So part of me initially was like worried for Sydney. I was like, oh, she's an idiot. She's gonna get shot. Right. Or like it was some code to kill her or something. Right. So I was relieved at this point. I was like, oh, okay. So Sydney's like, well, I'm just gonna wait here until the next person goes on shift. 'Cause she thinks maybe I need to talk to someone else. Yeah. She's parking her ass outside in Palm Springs where it's like a hundred degrees out. She's not in her little lilac business suit anymore. She's got her jeans and t-shirt on. Yeah. That lilac suit was great, though. She wore it in a few, I was like, how many times has she worn that lilac suit? It's like her only business suit. It looked great. Yeah, it was a great color for her. Where are we at the hospital? Paul is pestering Matt. He's like, please teach me how to be gay. This is insane. And he's really guilting him. Now he's like hitting at Matt's weakness, which is helping marginalize people. Yeah. He's like, please. Please. Please, Matt. And he-- It's easy for you to come out. You've always been gay. Like, it's just like-- Yeah, he's needling him. And he's like, I want you to counsel me. Imagine someone asking that of you. And they're like 34 or whatever. I mean, I think under different circumstances that's normal and fine. But these circumstances are very, they're bizarre. I think it's not normal to ask someone you fucked that kind of thing. You go to someone-- That's what I'm saying. Yeah, you go to someone who's like, that's their thing maybe, or a friend. And he's like, show me the ropes. I don't know. This whole thing is just a mess. Well, it's not only someone he fucked. The bigger problem is that it's someone he lied to and that he has a secret life. And Matt could just be like, this is way beyond my scope. I can't do this for you. And this is why Matt should have not said, just friends. Because that left the door open for this harassment. I think Matt should have at least told him, you need to go to the counselor on staff here. Or you need to not talk to me for a month. He should have pointed. I think it's reasonable for Matt to have pointed him in the direction of someone who can help him process his feelings and come out. Yeah, if he happened to know it, or I'll look into it for you, but I can't do this. Yeah, it's not on him to do this. It's also a ploy to me, because the guy just wants to get in with Matt again. Of course, he's like, why don't you come over to my house? My wife's out of town. Crazy. And Matt's like, hmm. OK, but just friends. Just like so stupid. Michael storms into Amanda's office and calls her-- he's like, you are one cold-blooded bitch. No one calls someone a bitch like Michael. She's filed a malpractice suit against him. And she's like, Michael, you're in violation of my restraining order. And he is losing it. And Brooke's like, I'll call the police. And she picks up the phone and she goes, hello, police? Yeah, she's-- She does the best goodie-to-shoes act. I love it. So Michael storms out. We go back to Keontae Kuchina for dinner. Is that the name of the taco truck? No, it's the restaurant they always go to on this show. Oh, oh, wait, when did they do that? Who's going there? Oh, Alison and Billy. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. I scrolled ahead. That's why I was confused. Keontae, you know how it moves up? Yeah, you don't remember Keontae Kuchina? Yes, I do. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. They keep using that sign? Yes, when you said it, I was on the taco truck. That's why I got confused. I was like, wait, the taco truck had a name? The taco truck was like desert tacos. I read the sign. So we're in Alison and Billy having their dinner to discuss the move to Hong Kong. Alison tells Billy that she's going to have to leave right away. And the job is for a year minimum. And Billy is like, you know, Alison's the once in a lifetime opportunity. Hong Kong. So he turned, like Brooke must have done some sweet talking. She worked him. Yeah. I mean, I do kind of agree. It is kind of scary, but it is only a year, right? I mean, look, I wouldn't do it. I don't know what Alison's career ambitions are at this point. I mean, I guess if now is as good a time as any, considering she literally has been put out on her ass and doesn't have any other career prospects, but she would find it appealing to be in the Pacific Rim Businesswoman group. Like, she wants to be that kind of business type person. I think-- International Business Lady. Or just like a high-powered executive in marketing or advertising. Yeah, so she's unsure, though. I mean, it is like, imagine having to leave within a week and you have to go like across the world. I agree. It's definitely stressful. Like, and you hadn't been planning for that? No. Right, it's not like she applied for a job to do this. Yeah. Or it was like the job you have to move in six months. Also, she's just coming to terms with being molested in an alcoholic and like all of that emotional stuff, too. On top of everything else. Yeah. So, Alison's like, Billy, your opinion means more to me than anyone else. Like, she really needs to know how he feels about this move. Yeah. To make her final decision. And he's like, whatever happens, I'm proud of you. And I miss you if you left. It's so stupid. We go to Paul's house where he's preparing dinner. He's all casual. This blew my mind that Matt is hanging out at his house, cooking dinner. I just cannot believe Matt is doing this. This is not a serious meeting. This is like a hangout. This is a prelude to a fuck. Why would you go to someone's house when their wife is out of town when you already fucked them? I'm just, I just find this to be outrageous on that part. Well, Matt, just be honest, you're horny for this guy. That's true. And you want to be the other man. I'm just saying, meet me at a motel. No, that's-- But he needs the pretense. Oh, fuck. Yeah, like, if you just want to fuck, go to the hotel. Don't go to someone's house with their wife. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Like, don't go to the marital bed to fuck. Yes. Yeah. I think that doesn't fit Matt's character for me. So maybe he's a little, like, losing it. I think he's diluting himself. I think he really does think he has good intentions. I think he thinks this guy's going to leave his wife. Classic mistake. Yeah. So Paul is talking about how his wife is rich, Carol. And that, you know, me and Carol, we've always been more-- this is another classic line. We've always been more like brother and sister. Right. He's downplaying that relationship. He's like, we hardly ever have sex anyway. So it's fine. It's like we're not even married. And then he says, how about we go upstairs? Matt doesn't hesitate for a fucking second. No. He's not even done chopping that gross looking tomato. No, they're literally chopping, like, Denver omelette ingredients or something. Yeah. What was he making? I don't know. Did you see how pale that tomato was? I don't think he was making anything. He's like, I'm going to just pretend to chop up some shit and then get him in bed. Yeah, he was just chopping up random vegetables. It's so bad. No plan for dinner. We go back to the taco stand and it's nighttime. And the guy working there is like, lady, we're closing. And this literally blew my mind again. In the middle of this, it's late at night, they're in a parking lot taco stand type place. Two girls in a bikini walk. Yeah, OK. What did that happen? I'm so glad. I'm so glad you brought that up, Desi. We see behind Sydney, two girls both in bikinis walk by. First of all, this is Palm Springs. If you're going to see someone, the only time you're going to see someone just wearing a bikini is poolside at a hotel or at someone's house. Yeah, they're acting like they're in San Diego by the beach or something like that. And people are just walking around in bikinis. You would only see someone in a bikini at a taco stand if it was literally beachside. Also, even then at nighttime, it's still weird. It is weird because it's like 10 o'clock at night. Where are they coming from? I'm sorry, I just was like, why did they do this? Those girls didn't even need to be in the scene even if they were dressed appropriately. There was no point-- I feel like is that the daughters of two of the writers? And they're like, let them just walk on like bikinis. I don't know, it was crazy. It made no sense. This person had never been to Palm Springs before. I know, it's like, do they think there's a beach there? There's not even any water, unless it's at the golf course. No, you are in your bathing suit at the pool, and that's it. So wild. This guy's had it with her. And Sydney's like, I want a pastrami on rye. Oh my god. Back at the sideshow bar, Jess is hanging out with these dirt bags. And they're making a shady deal. He's made a deal with them, and he hands them some cash. And the guy who looks like he's in a striker cover band says to Jess, what's your beef with this guy anyway? And Jess says he's had it coming for a long time. I like when the criminals need to get the tea. Yeah. They're like-- Or when the scumbag criminal is like, even I think this is a little-- That's crazy. --exically questionable. No, it's so funny. Allison is packing up her apartment, kind of. She's like packing a bag. Yeah, it's like a big suitcase. This also begs the question, what is she going to do for a year? Is she going to sublet? Is she just going to pay rent, continue to pay rent on this apartment? What's happening? Yeah, I don't remember where the storyline goes. But that would have been a good opportunity to bring in a new character, like subletting Allison's apartment or something. She should have brought in Paul. He gets divorced. He gets separated from his wife, and Paul moves in. He has no money. And Matt's over it at that point. Yeah, he's like, fuck. Now I know what it's like for all you straight people. I'm going to live with your exes around. Yeah. She's talking to Billy on the phone, and Billy's at D&D. And he wants to drive Allison to the airport. But Amanda's like, Billy, don't even think about leaving the office. We have a meeting in 10 minutes. And Brooke's like, I can take her. She's only too happy to help. Yeah. Allison's disappointed Billy can't take her to the airport. When she gets off the phone, she tells Joe, who is like sitting in her apartment like a lump. And she's like-- She's like, my back got broke last night. I can barely move her. I drive you. Yeah, because Jess only likes to fucking inconvenient places. Oh, that is true. Because remember Allison also said she's like, Joe would take me, but she only has a motor cycle. Did she say that? Yeah. It's like, that sounds really funny, though. I want to see you with your big suitcase on the back. She's wearing those goggles and the leather cap on the back of Joe's motor cycle. Yes, that would be hilarious. Joe is like, Allison, you should write Billy a letter. Tell him how you feel. She's like, OK. At the hospital, we see a woman in her Matt's office wearing a white pantsuit. And she is like to Matt, how dare you? You disgusting piece of trash. It's Carol, Paul's wife. Yeah, and she is a bitch on wheels. And she's like very homophobic about it, too. Oh, yeah. She's basically saying Matt took advantage of her husband. Like, Matt convinced him to fuck. She does say that she's like, you took advantage of him and you manipulated him because this is what you people do. Yeah, she's awful. And he's like, no, no, no, this is all a big mistake. And she's like, I will kill you. I was like, whoa. That was so extra, Carol. This woman found out she was cast on Melrose Place and was like, oh, I'm going to give them Melrose Place. She gave. I will kill you. I was like, that came out of nowhere. And I believe her. I believe her, too. At the airport, Brooke is dropping Alison off. And Alison's a dumbass because she's like, Brooke, I wrote this letter to Billy. Can you give it to him? And she's like, of course. And she's also like, it's all about my feelings for him and how I'm in love with her. Like, well, now she's really not going to. And she gives her like an extended preview of like what's in the letter. No, it was so funny that she did that. And as soon as Alison walks through the doors of the airport, Brooke goes, I don't think so. She crumbles it. She throws it on the ground of her car. Yeah. Sydney goes-- we see Sydney enter Jane Mancini Designs. And Jane answers the door. And she says, come to see me get handcuffed and put in the slammer. And the scene is very confusing because we see a lot of flash bulbs popping off as if people are taking evidence photos, right? Like it's a crime scene. It's like a chaotic scene. And I thought that was a kind of a good bait and switch. Yeah. Because we still don't know what's going on. And Jane's like, I'm in the middle of a shoot right now, Sydney. So that's what the flash bulbs are about. And that's when we learn that Jane hired two of her models to pose as Jim Pannehose and his associate. Events. And Vince is associate. And we're supposed to believe that now. Now, Desi, these are models. These are regular guy models, maybe, for catalogs. Not even catalog, but like stock photos and stuff, when they're like, hey, Italian meatballs. Because they were like stock sopranos type characters. These were not low level fashion models. No, I'm sorry. No offense to these men, but they were not fashion models. No, that was the craziest part. She should have said, I hired actors. I hired actors that were cousins of this employee. Right. I mean, I like the idea that their model, she knew. They should have just cast people who looked model-y. Like, these guys weren't even on the same level of a model. Like, they were just not models. Especially the other guy, Vince. Yes. The FBI agent guy was at least a little attractive. You could believe that more. Yeah. But no, the other guy was no fucking way. No offense. No offense, Vince. Vince was also like aging. He was also like, looked short. He looked really short. And he had kind of a wonky eye. It's just very funny. It was like, yeah. Because they're in this shoot modeling right now. That's what's kind of funny. Sydney-- oh, and that's when Jim to rub salt in the wound. This was funny. He says, did you ever get your pastrami on rye? So we realize now the whole drug deal, pantyhose things, was a setup from the beginning. Jane wanted to find a way to push Sydney out of the company. And this was like a-- dude, this was like a Rube Goldberg. This is a long con. This is really complicated. There's a lot of moving parts. And it all went according to plan. Jane ate with this one. This is the greatest thing she's ever done and probably will ever do as far as like a win. Because Jane doesn't really have wins. She has small wins, like dumping marinara sauce on Michael at the grocery store. Yeah, that was a win. But this is a massive win. This is a devious con that she pulled off to perfection. She had to go into this being sure that Sydney would take this deal with the FBI agent and fuck over her sister. And she had to be sure Sydney would agree to the initial deal, too. Like so many parts that Sydney had to go along with. Right. Do you know what I mean? Right. Sydney's humiliated. And the other thing is Sydney also, when she signed her resignation, she said, and just keep all the money. Right. She's so dumb. I'm like, so dumb. And she's like, I can't believe you do this to me, Jane. And Jane's like, Sydney, you don't belong here. You never did. And she's like, you're all freaks. You hear me? Freaks. Oh, Sydney. That night at Melrose Place, Amanda's working at home on her chunky laptop when her power goes out. She grabs a flashlight and she notices her door is open. And so she goes outside and she sees a shadowy figure in a trench coat. Looks like a hood or almost a hat. Yeah, it's like a hat. We just see the shadow of a hat. A trench coat with the collar popped. It's like Dick Tracy is absconding. It's like the such the clear shadow, though. It's crazy. Yeah, it's like detailed. And then Amanda looks and sees that a note has been posted to the side of her door. And it says, we're not finished yet. I love that they had to open the door to her apartment and then post that note. This was too complicated. Another complicated plan. So Amanda immediately calls Kimberly at her motel room. Or presumably she must have waited like, I'm-- wait a minute. How long did she wait to call Kimberly? Like, how quickly? It seemed almost immediate, right? How would Kimberly get to the motel that quickly? She's Carmen Sandie. She is not going to-- She really does look like Carmen Sandiego. She's fast. She's really fast. She answers the phone and she pretends to be like concerned for Amanda because Amanda's like convinced that Michael left that note. Right. So Kimberly is at the start of whatever little scheme she's pulling. Yeah. So I'm excited. Joe returns home to a candle at dinner and Jess is there making her dinner. He's also chopping shit. He's chopping shit. I would never eat anything this man cooked me. It looked like he was just chopping like a big carrot. Yeah. It's also like, she's late, but he's like, don't worry. I've been cooking. I was like, but you look like you're in the prep stage. Sure. What do you mean? Also, what an idiot. He already has the candles lit. And he's clearly just doing veggie prep. I was like, what is happening? You light those candles when you're dressing the salad. And that's the last thing you put on the table. No, it's so like, I thought the dinner was going to be ready. I'd be mad. I'd be so mad. I'd be like, we need to order Thai food. I'm starving. Yeah. You haven't even started the Mirapla. Let's go. And you know this guy can't cook. Oh, come on. So Jess is such a fucking shit talker. He's like, I got a new job. And she's like, really? Yay. And he's like, it's all thanks to you. You gave me hope. And then he pushes all of Joe's dishes and pots and pans off of the kitchen sink where they're drying. And shoves her ass up there. And they start going at it. And we actually like, hear the dishes. I'll go, clang, clang, clang, clang, clang, like all of them fall and almost sound like they're breaking. I would be pissed. I'd be like, wait a minute, wait a minute. I know. I'm not like that. I'm like, no, come on. You can do that. There was just no need for this. There was no need for this. Now, who's going to clean this up after? Also, there's not a lot of-- this is not an empty counters. This is a counterspace that has a cabinet directly over it. Yeah. And it's like, that's not going to be comfortable. I'm going to hit my head. Come on, dude. This guy only wants to fuck in uncomfortable places. I'm serious, right? I don't think he can fuck in a traditional setting. I don't think so. Bend her over a table. That's better. Bend break my dishes. Don't break my dishes. Don't put the pots and the pans on the floor after I just wash them. Now I have to-- this apartment doesn't have a dishwasher. Now I have to wash all this shit again. And there's some broken ones there, probably. I have to like, piece out those. Right. Chards? Everything that's on the ground has to be washed. I know you might help him. He's not helping shit. He's going to say he has to go afterwards. No. This is how you can tell their relationship is toxic, because they only can fuck under these crazy circumstances. And they're like, this is passion. Yeah, and he's just so careless. He's gross. At shooters, Sydney's drinking a beer, moaning to Jake about how her life sucks. They're friends again. The other friends again. And that's when '80s Rocker shows up. Stryker comes in. Yeah. He pulls out a gun. He pulls out a gun. And he tells everyone, it's true. This was wild. I had forgotten about this. I did too. But it's like, you imagine like a dirt bag rock band you would see at like a dive bar coming in, pulling out guns. Like it's just almost like, how do you not laugh? It's funny too, because again, this guy does not look like he's from this era. No, it's like he was in a time machine. He's just like-- It's unbelievable, does he? No, I was just like, who is this person? No one in 1995 still had that haircut or that face. He also is acting as if he is like you said from the Warriors. He's in that movie. That's the vibe. He's like part rocker, part like warrior vibe. It's absurd. And he tells everyone to get on the floor. Shooters is packed. And then he starts robbing everyone. He's like, I want your wallets, your keys. I don't know what else he-- Does he ask you to keep your pagers? Give me your pagers. Give me your banana clips. What's that banana clip? Give me your Lisa Stansfeld CDs. Give me all of it. And Jake, of course, is like, whoa, whoa, buddy. Calm down. Calm down, pal. And he's like, open the register. I also like how Jake is like, listen everybody. Just do what he says, and no one will get hurt. I was like, that's not your call. That's the robbers call. How can you guarantee no one's going to get hurt? So Jake goes to open the register, but then he ducks down to press the alarm, the silent alarm. And the robber rocker is like, hey, hey, hey, what are you doing? And Jake pops up. He's like, nothing. But then he shoots Jake in the torso. Right in the gut. And Jake falls back. He falls back. Yeah, he falls back. And Sydney's like, Jake. Jake, call an ambulance. And do the robbers just haul ass out of there, I guess? They just leave, which is so fucking stupid, because that guy didn't get anything. Yeah, I don't know. We didn't see him get anything. He didn't get anything from the register. Maybe some guy's got a few banana clips. Someone's got some pogs in their wallet. All that. We just got this one. Lisa's Dan's Hill and Terence Trent Darby's eating. [LAUGHTER] Someone's like, oh, I got-- She's like, I got the new Smashing Pumpkins. It has tonight tonight on it. I got this jar of hostel. [LAUGHTER] Oh, I got one of those bottles of olive oil that has the chili pepper in it and the rosemary. I got a wreath of garlic. [LAUGHTER] Wait, I love those '90s robberies score. They dump it out on the table back at their lair. Like, it's their haul. And it's just all these items from the '90s. They're like, look at this kush ball. [LAUGHTER] I didn't give any cash, but-- I got a Dan and Yogurt sprinklers. [LAUGHTER] I got a chicken caesar. [LAUGHTER] Got a Nestle's white chocolate bar. [LAUGHTER] Oh, God. So yeah, it's funny because we were talking about Amanda going to-- what's her face? Sorry. Kimberly going to Amanda's. And I was like, oh, wait, what happens next? And I was like, oh, there's like four more things that happen. [LAUGHTER] There were so many things in the last five to 10 minutes. Dude, I know. And there's only-- well, I think it's technically three episodes, but one of them is a double. It's one of those part one and part two's. Left. Yeah. So there's three more episodes left, but one of them is a double episode. Right. Right. And I do remember the season finale is crazy. Oh, I mean, it's an all-timer. It's one of my favorite episodes. It's so good. Yeah. I can't wait to discuss it. So we have one more before that double had her. I guess we'll do it together, right? Yeah. We'll do it together. And yeah, the season is-- I feel like I'm going to be sad when it's over. It's such a good season. It's such a good season, but there's still much more to come. Absolutely. I can think of some storylines I'm very excited about. Yes. OK. We'll see you next week. Bye. Bye. [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] (upbeat music)

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