Bitchslap
Melrose Place S4 E1 - Post Mortem Madness
Kimberly presses the button, Michael takes the girls to his place, Amanda brings flowers, Matt loses it, Jake is over it, Billy tells Hailey to shove it, Jane is ruthless, Sydney gets a roommate, Brooke wants to go on her honeymoon, and Peter has some kind of plan.
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- Duration:
- 1h 2m
- Broadcast on:
- 03 Sep 2024
- Audio Format:
- mp3
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Give it a try at midmobile.com/switch. $45 up front for three months plus taxes and fees, promoting for new customers for limited time. Unlimited more than 40 gigabytes per month slows, full terms at mintmobile.com. Hello, welcome to Bitch Slap. This is Rachel Fisher. This is Desi Jadakan, and this is Melrose Place, season four, episode one, post-mortem madness. What an insane cold open. Yeah, they've definitely upped their budget, I would say, already. Yeah, after starting this season, because we get those on the brakes, the black and white. Okay, let's stop. We need to talk about that. I had completely forgotten that they did that. It's just so noticed that we're like, "Okay, yeah, the show's a hit now." Let's explain what it is. Before the commercial break, immediately after the scene ends, they show a black and white recap of it. It's just like a moment. It's like a GIF almost. It's a total GIF, black and white of what we just saw, so like Jake and Joe looking at each other. The last moment. It's so funny, because at first I was like, "Do they start doing this a lot?" And I was like, "Oh, yeah." It's like every time a commercial break happens, it's like this little doo-doo-doo-doo-doo. I feel like our little music is playing. I hear it every time I see that moment. I was like, "We literally just saw this." Yeah. I had forgotten. Was that a Melrose play signature that other soaps do that? I don't recall any other show doing that. I just don't know why they did it, but it just seems like let's up the budget a bit or something. Let's add some style, some flair. I don't know why. If my memory serves me correct, a part of me feels like they only did it for the fourth season. Like they abandoned that. Right, because it's stupid anyway. It's pointless. Okay, so this episode begins with Kimberly hitting the button and blowing up the building. Yeah. And this explosion goes on for so long. And let me just, they have a shot where literally the whole screen is fire. Yeah. I was like, "The damage does not match up to that image of the fire." That was literally fire from the bottom of my TV to the top of my TV side to side full of flames. Yeah. I was just like, "What?" This explosion you would expect that everyone would be dead. And the place would be burned to the ground. Like, like cinders. It was crazy. It's crazy that anything is left standing, especially all of the people who were exploded. They were literally right there where the bomb exploded. They're like at ground zero. Like Kimberly went flying through the air with a huge fiery blast behind her. How is she alive? She's standing right by the bomb because the bombs are in the basement or the laundry room. The bombs are not only in the laundry room, but she placed bombs underneath apartment buildings. Right, because she had like three locations outside of the laundry room, right? Yeah. Matt's apartment. Man does. Like, whatever. But not Billy's. This is crazy that not everything is destroyed and not more people died. It's really wild or like no one's limb was blown off. Just that scene of the fire is all encompassing. We don't even get anything burned down to a cinder. I mean, it's like structural damage. It's just so stupid. So Michael goes to help Amanda. Billy goes to. Oh, and Billy has to rescue Alison because Alison, if you remember in the season finale, she's inside of her apartment. She's relapsed. She was like, go away. She's like so blackout drunk, she sleeps through the bomb. She does. She does. Like, that is crazy. It's so crazy. And so Billy is like, I need to save Alison and Brooks, like Billy, don't save Alison. And he's like pretty calm going in there to get her. He's not even coughing. He goes and make her whole apartment is engulfed in flames. He carries her out. This is really sad because all of Alison's dolls and her cloud robe, they're all gone. Right. Because her bedroom, she's like, she gets knocked out like in her hallway, right? Is that kind of what happened to her? Yeah, she's somewhere in the apartment. And Billy's just taking a chance. He doesn't know she's in there, right? Like, um, I think she does he? I don't remember. Because remember, they just walk in. She sees them. She sees them because they're coming to get their plane tickets. I mean, I guess he's just guessing. Like, is she in there? Right. Yeah. Right. But that's a risk still, like, right? Peter? Okay. Because if you remember, everybody is here. Every except for Jake and Matt. That's right. Matt's in jail. Matt is on her list. So that's that's the one she didn't have there to kill. Yeah, Matt got. Yeah, it's like, yeah, technically he got lucky, but not really because now when he gets out of jail, he's going to be like, Oh, and the place that I live is destroyed. Can I go back to jail, I guess? Yeah. Um, so Peter sees that someone's floating in the pool. It's Kimberly and he drags her out of the pool. And then all the firemen come and Kimberly's unconscious. I mean, she kind of lucked out flying into the pool, I guess, soft landing safe in the water. Yeah. And then we go back to the construction site where in the season finale, Jess and Jake were falling off of that platform after they had been fighting each other. And we just end with them like hanging midair. Right. So the fall killed Jess and Jake is like, wow. Jake's like on top of Jess. Yeah. And Jess is like bleeding out his mouth. Yeah. You know, that means dead. Or the ears. Yeah. The ears are in the mouth. They're dead. And Jake's the bot, the construction guy comes over and he's like, break it up, break it up, break it up. I was like, it's like the East Coast guy. Yeah. Right. It's like too late, dude. They literally just fell off a scaffold. Yeah. How did Jake not be more injured? Like he literally used just break his fall. Well, he does have a cane in the rest of this episode. I just feel like if you fell and someone died, you would be really injured too. Like you're not just a little cane. Yeah, you're because he doesn't have the cane that much longer. Like it's not even a broken leg. Is oh, there is no cast on it. No, it's just like a guy kind of sprained ankle or something. He has like a sprained ankle and like he slept on it funny. And I will say, grand show has like a different look this season. Well, he is a new haircut. He's like not Jake enough for me. They cut his hair and we're expecting that we wouldn't notice it. Or maybe they, or you know what I think they try to do? I feel like they kind of tried to imply that he got his haircut when he was in the hospital. Yeah. But it was like, what? That makes zero sense. They need to give us, they need to film. If the season premiere takes place the same day, like immediately after the season finale, they need to make sure their hair looks the exact same. And then you get the haircut for the new season. This was just like so noticeable to me. Because Jake has always had a little bit of a longish shortcut. Like it's not like he has long hair, but it's always a little bit uncapped. Like, well, it's 90s heart. It's like early to mid 90s heartthrob hair where it's like, right. Floppy. It's kind of boy band like that longish hair. But not really styled. It's not styled. He just, it's longer on top. Yeah. And this is like cut above the ear and it's short on top. No, it's like, that's not Jake. What? This is like, like fake Jake. Well, I've memory serves. I know Michael gets the Caesar haircut at one point. Yes. Yes. It was 1996 and you legally, if you were a man, you had to get the Caesar cut. Everyone saw George Clooney rocket and thought they could do the same. And it was like, this is a very specific man. Yeah, that worked. Not everyone could do it. But I do, I do generally like, I, I like, I like a lot of, like, I've seen, I've seen it a lot. And I'm like, yeah, like it works for a certain kind of guy. Yeah. I don't remember Michael with the Caesar or he gets like a very close cropped cut. Yeah. Maybe he's isn't the, somebody gets a Caesar. I feel like someone does. Caesar, I'm just trying to, it's not Billy. I mean, Michael does get a close cropped hair for sure. I'm trying to see, but obviously it's just pictures of him now where he's kind of thinning hair. I was like, that's not a Caesar. No. Um, okay. But yeah, Jake has a haircut. It's alarming because it's like he has it when the fall. I know. That's like, we saw his hair. Did the fall cut his hair off? The fall cut his hair. They should like when your shoes fall off when you get hit by a car. So his hair cut cut off. That always scares me so much is when someone's like, I got hit by a car and my shoes came off. I still don't understand how that happens. Like, I don't think I'll ever understand the physics of that. Honey, did that happen to you when you got hit by a car? Did your shoes come off? No. The shoes did not come off. He defied physics, but it was a hard hit. Oh, shit. Well, I don't think that's what happened to Jake's hair, but it's a mystery we will never. You fell into some tears. So. Where are we? Oh, the opening credits. That's the cold open. Yeah. It's like, here's where we left off. You never saw this explosion last year, because we couldn't narrow it because of the Oklahoma City bar. Here we go. It's been a few months. America's over it, right? We can have the bomb. We're not that sensitive. Opening credits. Then final. Okay. I wanted to mention the opening credits, because Kimberly is finally in them. Oh, nice. So, Marsha Cross is listed as she's officially a series regular now. Crazy, but this is the first year. Even though she has been since season two. But at least season three, she should have been. She should have been season three. She's so such a major player. And Brooke also gets promoted to series regular. She's in the opening credits. Oh, nice. Which I feel like that's unfair to Kimberly, because Brooke just got there. She just got there. But I was excited to see her in the opening credits, because we have a lot more Brooke stuff. I think I've skipped the credits. I need to watch them now for the next episode, just to see the new ones. Only reason I watch them at the beginning of a new season is for the notes. I only say whoever's in the opening credits is doing it. I agree. Jack Wagner, he's also in the opening credits. Oh, my God. So much is. So, those are the three new series regulars. Nice. Heather Lockley are still special guest star. I think they said as Amanda. And we have Patrick Maldoon as a guest star. He's a guest star, but he's not in the opening. No. Alison is rushed to the hospital and like everyone's there. The whole crew, a classic Melrose hospital scene. Everyone is there, no matter what has been happening in their life. If you just fuck their husband, it doesn't matter. You were at the hospital. And you're all in the same team. Yeah, you're all in the waiting room together, fretting. Right. Richard wheels his wife, Mackenzie in, and he's like, this is my wife. We're like, Oh, finally. Meanwhile, Matt is in jail. And he is like, doesn't even know this is happening. Mackenzie's dead. Yeah, I haven't said that part yet. We haven't gotten there yet. Oh, I have that before Matt in jail. That's at that's an immediately after whatever Mackenzie dies. Yeah, she dies. She wasn't a major character. She had a very brief run. Yeah. And they're going to they have to get rid of someone. Right. So they get rid of the game. They're not going to get rid of the main character. No, they got to get rid of the guest star from Dynasty. Oh my God. Matt's in jail and he makes a phone call to his dad. And on the wall behind Matt is a, like a scrap scrolling of Van Halen, the symbol of Van Halen. What could be worse for Matt than to be in straight jail? I know. He's like, I didn't write that. He didn't write that. It's like so awful. I know. No. That doesn't even know a Van Halen song. He's just he does, but he doesn't like it. All he knows about Van Halen is the kids who listened to Van Halen when he was in high school were the assholes. They always beat him up. They beat him up. And he was like in his to patch mode shirt and pet shop boys. Matt Matt's still to this day, a big pet shop boy head. He's a new wave guy. Yeah. And he likes a racher. Of course. Matt dressed as Andy Bell from a show for Halloween one year. Yes. He had the flamenco shirt on. And no one knew who he was. But we appreciated it, Matt. So yeah, back at the hospital, Mackenzie Hart has died. And Jane is like, Oh, Richard, I'm so sorry. You know, she's like a little happy dude. Jane is out of control this episode. She's like so heartless. It's crazy. Yeah. I want to appreciate it because she's such a like been walked over for so many seasons, but she's not being smart about it. No, she's not being subtle. She's so ruthless in this episode. And it's such a 180 from her personality. It's like, it's as if like, she read some bad self help book that was all about being selfish and taking right like, what does that one who's like, who moved the cheese, wait, what? I mean, there was some self help, but it's for like, who moved the cheese? Like what? I can't remember. Stop it. Look it up. Look it up. There was like some, it made me want something cheese who moves self help. Yeah, I think it was really popular. That is who moved my cheese. What it explores the it was a book from night. Oh, it was from 1998. Forgot it. She wouldn't have read it yet. Who moved my cheese? I sold 30 million copies. Well, it's like a book you always see at the thrift store. Yes. Yes. And I think it's about like, I can't remember what horrible book cover. It's about dealing with change in your work life or something like that. I can't remember. My cheese is about being assertive. That's what made me think of like, she's being assertive at work or something, but it's so inappropriate. Who moved my cheese? Who moved my cheese? It was goat cheese. I was looking for my cheese. Richard. Richard, where's my cheese? Where's my goat cheese? Richard. Goat cheese. No, she's like, here's the thing, she's being ruthless, but she's also and denies it. Yes. Like, if you're going to be ruthless, you got to own it. And she's like, no, I'm not being ruthless. And it's like, girl, you're so ruthless. She's being such a bitch. She like, definitely smiles after Richard's like, my wife's dead. And she's like, oh, no, I'm so sorry. She's like, not sorry at all. Yeah, she's excited for what's to come. So we see that half the building is supposedly gone. I realized this episode, I need a map. I need like the blueprints of Melrose Place with each apartment labeled, yeah, clearly labeled, and seeing what's destroyed and what's not destroyed. Because it's kind of unclear to me. Yeah. Jake is in the hospital too, for different reasons. For falling. That's crazy that he's also in the hospital, right? We got to get everyone in the hospital. We got to get everyone in there. He's he's in the hospital and Billy's at his bedside with two bandages wrapped around the length of his arms and he looked so stupid. He's wearing a wife beater, but then he has these like from like his bicep to his wrist, gauze bandages wrapped around. Everyone has the stupidest injuries from this fire. They all have like little bruises on their face or they're like smudges that like soot. But they have it a day later. What is that soot? Wipe your face off. Allison needs to wash her face. How are they all so not injured? Dude, Billy just has these bandages. Sydney has like a soot on her face. Jane, nothing happened to Jane. No. Jake, Billy's like comforting Jake and Jake's like, Jess and I had to fight and he died. And then the detectives come in and ask Jake some questions. Detective Kale made me laugh. I'm the hallway. The doctor tells Billy that Allison is okay, but that she's had some injuries to her face and they don't know what the extent of the damage is yet. Oh, here's a crazy thing. Did you notice that Brooke is at the hospital and she's just wearing a man's button up shirt? That's maybe why Billy's just in a wife beater. He gave her about to fuck. She's just wearing a man's button up shirt walking around the hospital. I was like, right? What the hell? Yeah. Allison, I don't know how Allison only got injuries to her face. She was literally a beam like collapsed on her or something. Brooke is like, Billy, you need to take care of yourself before you can take care of Allison. Let's get you to Daddy's. And then Billy's like, well, I'm sure a lot of people are going to need a place to stay. Why don't they stay? We have plenty of room at your dad's house. And she says, I don't think so. And then Peter offers his house and Amanda's like, I'm not staying at your house. He's like, I'll make you breakfast in bed. And Sydney's like, I'll stay. And he's like, I didn't invite you. So Michael is Joe is in a wheelchair. She's like the most injured. Oh, because she got the shit beat out of her. Right. Her is an even fire. This is independent to the bomb. Yeah, I'm obsessed with other people being independently injured at the hospital. What are the chances? It's crazy. So Michael's like, God, take a Joe back to the beach house. And he's like, you guys can come with me. And Amanda's like, but she's, she's like, all right, we'll all go to Michael's. That's like the best option. I'm mad. We didn't get a scene of them all hanging at the beach house. Nobody's even asking where Matt is. Classic fucking. No one's like, is he dead? Yeah, he could be in his fucking apartment dead. No one even went in there. They didn't. Where's Billy going in after Matt? Yeah. Matt, I would be furious. Oh, yeah. I'm so mad. No one even knows like he got arrested. There's not even one person going is, did someone talk to Matt? Do we know where he is? Right. Do we, is he at work? Is he at the hospital? Wasn't there the check where you go over everyone who lived there and see where they were? Like, this is crazy. So the next day, Billy and Brooke and Haley Armstrong are having breakfast outside. And Haley's like, I can't believe you guys went back to that apartment. You should have just gone straight to your honeymoon. And Billy's like, yeah, I left the tickets as if that wouldn't make him more irritated. Yeah. Haley's like, you guys just need to move on from this bombing. It's been like 10 hours. Yeah. He's like, go on your honeymoon. Get over it. Get over it. And Billy's like, my friends. Yeah. Billy's like, all my friends got bombed and they're injured. I can't do that. And Brooke is like, I want to go on her honeymoon. And then he goes, okay, dear, for you. This is crazy. Like, come on, Billy. Give him a day. Give him a day. But also, this is my favorite era of Billy because all of the joy is sucked out of him. And it gets worse. This is the start. Yeah. Yeah. This is the beginning of the end for Billy. And I love it. Me too. I can't wait more and more and more. Look at where he came from. I'm a greedy little bitch. I want to see. I don't want it to just be completely destroyed. Billy was happy, go lucky, privileged boy from the valley, writing his little scripts. Remember when he used to write his little film noirs? Yeah. Where he was like the lead. Yeah. Eating popcorn, watching swamp thing. Yeah. Just without a care in the world. Nope. Dayton moms. Picking up people in his taxi. Fucking him. Without a care in the world. And now look at him. So at the hospital, the doctor, this is a classic soap opera move. Yes. The doctor slowly unwraps the bandage off of Alison's eyes. And after the gauze is taken off, she's like, Oh my God, I can't see. This is so funny because she has the gauze, but then she also has to circle patches. She is like cotton pads. Cotton pads. I forgot about this storyline. I forgot that Alison goes blind too, but it's so funny. It's like, Oh, you think you're sober? Yeah. Now we're going to make you blind. Right. And your ex fiance is with Brooke. It's so funny. It's so funny. I totally forgotten about this. It sort of reminds me of like when Michael couldn't walk for like a few episodes. Oh, yeah. And you know, it's like literally going to be three episodes. And that's it. Yeah. So I forgot about Michael. So he wasn't that when Michael spilled. He was on crutches and he spilled all the food at James. Yes. He was trying to make something. Something got on fire. You know, he was on crutches. He was paralyzed for like three episodes. He farted on crutches too. That's right. That's right. The famous fart. The doctor explains medically what they think happened to make Alison blind. I don't know. I don't have a medical license, but this sounded fake. It sounds really fake. They're like, there was a lot of pressure and the blood expanded and made you blind, but it should go down. And basically, her eyes are super blood shot looking too. Yeah. It's like they're full of blood. Maybe she just drinking vodka. And her face is busted. And she's super pale too. Yeah. And she's got like that yellow bruise. Yes. Why is it already yellow? It's been less than a day. Who knows? They were just making shit out. They're like, you know when they're also kind of yellow? Yeah. Let's do that. Let's do one of those bruises. We'll make her a little extra bruised. She's the most seriously injured. Alison's furious though. She's like, whatever. She's so mean to this doctor. She's over it. The last thing she needs is to be blind. Yeah. Later, Peter talks to the doctor about Kimberly. And he's like, Kimberly doesn't remember that she did the bombing. Like she remembers everything else except that she did the bombing. Yeah. And Peter goes to talk to her. And we see that there's a cop guarding her door. She's in like a psychiatric hospital with security. Right. Yeah. And she looks feral. She's definitely manic. She's also wearing like, she's wearing a hospital gown, but it's a yellow hospital gown. I mean, she looks pretty good considering. She does. She's like one of the least injured looking people. And she flew into the pool. Yeah. You'd think she'd have something. She doesn't need to have like ear drum damage, anything like internal bleeding. Yeah. Nothing. She had that soft landing. She landed on a float. Dude. At least like her ribs would hurt from landing in the pool like that. And she could have been sort of drowning before Peter pulled her out. Right. Yeah. Maybe she would have some lung issues or a head. Yeah. I mean, she's has her her brain. I don't know how much further bad I can go, but well, I think Michael said what's left to be damaged. Yeah. She's like, Peter, why am I in the psych ward? And she says, I know Michael did this. He set me up. He framed me. And Peter's like, I'm here to help you, but there's some things you have to face. Like we all saw you do it. Right. He's like, accept it. You need to accept it. And she doesn't believe him. And then she turns on him and she's like, I'm not going to let you do this to me. She's like, you're in on it with Michael. And then she starts screaming and losing her mind and like pushes him. And then the doctors have to come in and restrain her. Yeah. Richard's house is so ugly. We get an exterior shot. I took a picture of it because I want you to like help describe what this house looks like to the people. I will post a picture of this on our Instagram, but it first of all, it has the glass bricks, the glass bricks, but then the the shape of it, it's like an accordion. I can't describe. What is that? I think that the patio has these like beams. I have never in my life seen a house that has pleating. It's honestly looks like one of those ugly houses in Venice. Like from the 80s or 90s. Like not the cute walk street ones, but like these ones where they're like on the beach, it's like condo esque, but it's a house. Yeah, they built them in 1988. Yeah. It's like modern ugly. It kind of reminds me, remember the house from hand that rocks the cradle? Yeah. It has like that same decorator. It also has the railing. That's like the pipe. It's the pipe. It's so of its era. Dude, I look at Zillow all the time in my neighborhood and my neighborhood is like famous. Like this area of LA is like there's a lot of like old craftsman houses from the turn of the century. And it's just like a very specific vibe. And obviously you have like Spanish style houses that's like very famous in LA and even some Victorians the further east you go. I cannot believe like out of that you'll find a house that somebody built in the 80s and it has that like pipe detailing. Oh, yeah. You see that type of thing a lot in LA and it's like six sticks out like a sore thumb. It's so bizarre. Right. There's a lot of that on the west side. Oh, yeah. The west side for sure. So Richard is sad about his wife dying in the explosion. And Jane is like, Richard, we can keep Mackenzie alive artistically. She says, she says, we shouldn't publicize her death. We should just give her a quick burial and then bury her under a different name. Like bury her under her maiden name. This is so crazy of Jane to suggest. This is sick. Like what does it matter as far as the company go? I just like, this is sick and you cannot get away with this. Like it's a dumb plan period. And if people found out if the public found out that they handled it that way, they would have been like furious. This plan is wild. Also, this is not the plan you suggest. It's not like you have shareholders. Like we don't want to scare the investors. Also, we've talked about this before. At this point, the majority of her design is work designers at her firm. She's like the name on the label. Like, yeah, this is crazy. I mean, like, it's so insensitive to this is her husband and her like partner. And she would just be like, here's what I'm thinking about right now. I'm thinking about the business. Why would you bring this up at this moment? It's like the next day. Yeah. And you're, I'm sorry. It's like, one thing if he comes to you, like, what are we going to do about the business? This will tank our stock. And then she's like, well, we could not publicize. Like, do you know what I mean? Like she comes up with this independently. I can't imagine ever saying this to someone the day after their wife dies. He's not even thinking about this. Why would you ever do this? So she's like, then we can put out the spring line and pretend like nothing's happened. And like just so bad. And he goes, my God, Jane, I can't believe you're saying this. He's pissed. He's pissed. She sees his reaction and yet she will continue down this knowing he's not on board and she snaps back at him. She's like, Richard, this is the only way to help the company and honor Mackenzie. Oh, now it's about honoring her. Okay. She had to backtrack there. Matt gets a visitor in jail and it's his mom. And we haven't seen her in a while. Not this girl. This woman is so such a drip. I just, how did Matt come from these two drips? I don't know. They're so boring. I don't know. He meets his new lawyer, Alicia, and he's like, where's my dad? And the mom's like, your father, he didn't want to come because you're gay. She says something like that. Matt's like, he doesn't, he doesn't want to come because he thinks his son's a fruit. Yeah, he says that. The mom says, well, Matt, your father's still mad about you being gay. And now you're gay and in jail. Like what could be worse? Yeah, Matt gets pissed and he's like, yeah, his son's a fruit. Oh my God. He's, he gets pissed though. This is a great acting scene for Doug Savant. He goes off. He like gets taken out of the room and hits like the wall. Honestly, Matt has earned every bit of this meltdown because this is like not just what happened in the moment. This is all three previous seasons of things he has had to put up with. Now he actually needs help and he has to rely on people and he realizes he's surrounded by a bunch of buffoons who are all only concerned about themselves. Imagine what that feels like. After he has done everything for everyone, that just made me so profoundly sad. This is like a tragic story. Imagine that feeling he must have had. He's, he has helped every other single person in their time of need, even if it wasn't their time of need. He's just been helpful. Period. No one has even fucking asked where he is. No, no. This is the, this is like the reckoning for Matt where he realized he shot and he not turn into a villain after this. This would have been my villain moment where I cracked me too. Me too. And now I'm in jail because I, again, he's in jail because he was being a nice guy. He was helping this confused man learn about his sexuality. No, he's in jail because he was nice. All of his supposed friends, even Joe who's like supposedly his best friend. No, it's not so much as fucking made a phone call to find out where he is. This is crazy. No, everyone's been in the hospital and no one's even asked how is not not the first thing you do once you guys have all gathered. You're doing a head count where everyone is and not one person is like, where is Matt? No, Joe is such a fake friend. She's like, I love my gaze and then like look what you're doing to your gay. No, she sucks. I'm so, it's wild they didn't write at least one person. I'm like actually mad on his behalf. I'm like as mad as if it's a real person. I'm so mad at them. He has his dipshit parents to deal with and the dad doesn't want to come because the dad's embarrassed. Like, who are you? You're nobody. Imagine that's who you have to rely on because your friends are all losers. He had to tuck his tail between his legs. He should have called Rhonda. He was going off and I love to see it. He just deserved. It was so deserved. Even the prison guards were like, I got it. Yeah. I've heard just a small amount of what you've gone through. So basically what leads him to snap is the lawyer Alicia says, look, Matt, you know, maybe we can get a plea deal and avoid and he goes, what, avoid a trial? Because he's like, that's what this is about. You guys don't want the publicity. You don't want everyone to know your son's a fruit. Right. Yeah. And then he loses it and he's like, I was framed and the mom doesn't believe him. And why would you not believe him? Matt would never heard a fly. It's like, you don't know your own fucking son. It's crazy. He starts, he throws the phone at the glass, then he starts screaming. He's like, get out of here. Get out of my sight. Get out of my life. Go. That must have felt great. And the mom's like, she, she deserved that. I agree. She, she, she should have done that to her a long time ago. Yeah. Like Moon, the dad didn't accept him the first time. Like, fuck that. Um, let's take a quick break here. We'll be right back. This season Instacart has your back to school. 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So, give it a try at mintmobile.com/switch. 45 dollars up top for three months plus taxes and fees, promoting for new customers for limited time. Unlimited more than 40 gigabytes per month, slows. Full turns at mintmobile.com. Jane goes to the hospital to bring yellow roses for Allison. And she's like, maybe you can smell them. Her yellow roses are the sweetest. Allison says, all of this has helped her see what's really important. And Jane is like, why don't you stay with me since your house is destroyed. So he gets Jane's apartment, even though it's pretty close. This is what I mean, where nothing makes sense. Like, yeah. And she then says, I just feel like I've never really valued our friendship. Why? This is just like, we don't need this. But I do appreciate the little friendship that Jane and Allison form in this episode and the next episode. Yeah, that's true. It's kind of cute. Billy stops by and Allison's like, Billy, just give us a second. So he steps out and she says, hey, Jane, can you keep it a secret, like the details of my blindness? Like, just keep all those details because she doesn't want to know that it's probably a temporary. Yeah. Jane is like, of course. She's like, I'm evil now. So of course, I will lie for you. Yeah, Billy comes back in and he's like, I heard you're blind. And she's being really curt with him. And she's like, I hope you and Brooke are really happy. And he's like, my honeymoon can wait. They're so irritating. And then Billy's like, you know, she goes, Billy, you married someone else. Leave me alone. He's like, I care about you, Allison. I mean, Billy's just pathetic. It's like, I got it. I get Allison. Yeah. She's mad. She should be. She should be mad. First Susan. Now this Susan is unforgivable. That was the line. That night, Jake returns home on a cane and there's police tape up. The whole place is burnt. But some apartments are still livable. His is fine. Even though his is right by the front, you would think that one would be out, right? Yeah. And Jane's like, Jane, Allison and Jake all live on the first floor, but only Allison's was, well, I guess, Matt's too. Matt and Allison's no one even knows about Matt's. He could be dead in there. They're still asking about Matt. It's crazy. Oh my God. Matt's going to get out and be like, my Noguchi table. I can't believe this. No one still, no one has asked about him. Where is he? They don't even know he's been arrested for murder. Wasn't that in the paper? Nothing. Like, I feel like they don't even know about Matt next episode. No, nobody is like, oh my God, Matt. No, this is unforgivable. Okay. So, well, I guess they do because Matt does go out on the town next episode. Okay. Or, well, I don't know what he does. Anyway, the insurance guy is taking notes. And of course, Amanda's trying to milk this. She's going to get the best deal. Yeah. She's thinking business. She's thinking business already. But I accept it from her, not Jane. Jay wants to get into his apartment. And she's like, well, the good news is your apartment wasn't blown up. Like, it's structurally sound. The only thing you'll have to deal with is intermittent water and power, possibly. But everything is a-okay. There's no smoke damage. It doesn't smell like a fucking ashtray. Ashtray. I would just think it wouldn't be good to live there because of like the smell. Also, if other things are structurally unsound, couldn't that be dangerous to be around? Even if your site is okay? Do you know what I mean? Like, it's like a sight of an explosion. I'm just saying you could be walking out and something could fall, right? I don't know. Yeah, this is bad. No, this is not accurate. So then Joe is like, Jake, what happened to Jess? And Jess, Jake is like, he's dead. And she's like, oh no, this is all my fault. He's like, I don't want to hear it, Joe. Shut up, Joe. Yeah. I mean, he's had it. He's like, this is-get out of my face and he goes into his apartment. Because this is like honestly her fault. Like, she brought Jess further in and created this rift between them, like even worse, right? He warned her. Yeah. Like, Jess probably was okay. No, but Jess probably would have left if he didn't have Joe. If he had no one and he was just a complete pariah and had everyone and had people listen to him that like, no, he is a bad guy and he will try and like, swindle you or hurt you. Right. He probably would have just like, I'm going back up north. Yeah. I'm out of here. I mean, who knows? The next day Matt is visited by Alicia and she's like, well, I did some digging. I heard you had a great reputation at the hospital and he's like, you have to understand I'm innocent and I'm not looking for a plea deal. And she's like, well, I talked to the hospital and everyone says that you and Paul were very friendly with each other even on the day of the murder. But now the cops have developed a new theory that you and Paul plan this together. He's like, dude, you need to get me out on bail. And she's like, well, let's see what the judge has to say. I mean, that's a good theory. That is a good theory. Because it's better than Matt doing it. Yeah. She says she believes him. At the hospital, Amanda visits Alison and she is wearing dark glasses. She's like wearing the like, I'm blind. The classic soap opera. I've lost my vision. Glasses. The round, the dark black round glasses. Alison is like mad that Amanda came to say hi and she's like, why don't you just take your flowers to the nurse's station? She's not having it. And Amanda says she feels responsible for most of what happened. And she says that this is so landlord Amanda of her. She's like, and when the insurance money comes through, I'm going to rebuild the apartment and I'll give extra attention to yours. Yeah. Like that's some big prize. Right. Like what does extra attention mean? Like you won't shittily paint over it. Like you'll paint do a good paint job. You'll do a good job and not get the cheapest materials possible. Right. And Alison's like, what? Handrails, guide dog. And Amanda's like, if you want, I like that she thinks part of her apartment lease would be a guide dog. Right. Like maybe some, you know, accessibility items or features, right? But you would think you'd be allowed to have a guide dog. Sure. So then the nurse wheels in a gigantic floral arrangement. This is like huge. This is like five feet wide of three feet tall. It's so massive. And it's like, does Billy not know she's blind? He does know, right? He does know. He does know. He's like, this will smell extra good. It's just so weird. I don't know. Like, and Amanda's like, oh, it's from Billy. And she's like, I don't care. Fuck Billy. We love a better Alison. At the hospital, Michael talks to Kimberly's doctor and he says her condition is, Michael said, says the doctor, look, look, pal, her condition is incurable. And also, there's no way can cover these hospital bills. So why don't you just like take her to a nice county facility? He's going to send her to a snake pit. Shover in there. And Peter interrupts. And Michael's like, hey, this is my business. And Peter's like, I'm not going to let you put her in a snake pit. He's like, she bow. He's like, I'm going to handle all of this. And Michael's like, why she sucks. Yeah, I also am like, why? I forgot what's going on with Peter. Like, this lady committed a terrorist attack. I know I know Peter has an agenda and I just can't remember what it is stupid. Yeah, it's stupid. I just remember it was stupid. And I feel like how cool would it have been for Kimberly to be in prison, but like master mining stuff from prison? Right. Yeah, I agree. And then we also see her in prison and like interacting. And she's like one of the most feared residents because she's so insane. Like when she was in wilderness camp. It's like a repeat of that. And then she gets a girlfriend. Oh, that's how we're going to handle this storyline on our reboot. Yes. So Matt has a bail hearing and the judge sets the bail at $1 million. And his lawyer says, we have it, we have the bail. And Matt's like, what? And she's like, yeah, your parents put up their house. And Matt has to rethink his anger. He's like, oh, shit. They were there for me. They, they really do care. They don't care that I'm a fruit now. They love their fruity son. Jane and Richard are at the mausoleum where Mackenzie Hart has been swiftly interred with her maiden name. Mackenzie Hobo or something. Hobart. Hobart. And Jane's like, come on, Richard, let's get back to work. We've been here long enough. I could not believe her. This is crazy. Richard's response was so funny, though. He goes, I am so sick of you. Michael pokes his head in here, here. That was what a sick burn to tell someone, I am so sick of you. And he really nailed that line rating with delivery. It was all about his delivery. So that's like one of the meanest things you can say to someone. They're just saying something and you just go off. I am so sick of you to Jane. It's so funny. And then Jane tries to put her charms on and she goes, Richard, it's for the company. And I just want to make you happy. And he goes, keep your clothes on, Jane. I'm in love. And she stomps off. That night, Matt goes to his parents' house and they all have a big hug. And his parents' house looks like it's in the middle of a suburban neighborhood in Ohio. Dude, he had to drive so deep in the valley to get to the house. Yeah, it was so funny. Or he drove to Azusa. It had a massive front yard trees. Yeah. It was just this cottage, big cottage. Yeah, this has to be in Tylucalyte. I don't know where this house is. It's probably like Northridge. Yeah. He's in Northridge. The next day at Brooks, Billy and Brooke and Haley are all talking in her bedroom for whatever reason. Yeah. And Haley says, Billy, my daughter tells me you decided to postpone her honeymoon. And he says, I want you to tell me right now that you're going to fly to LA and fly to Hawaii immediately. I'm waiting. And Billy says, you can wait until you're strapped to a wheelchair. And you're spitting up your peas. I was, yes, Billy. I was saying yes. I was happy for him in this scene because he really owned his ass. Haley is fucking annoying. I forgot that Haley starts off like evil or like bad. He's just so dumb. It's like, who do you think you are? Do you know what I mean? You lucky your bitch daughter found someone who wants to marry her. Also, if I was Billy, I would be like telling Brooke, you better stop. You better stop going to your fucking dad. You tell him you don't want to go on the honeymoon. I mean, Billy has every right to not trust her because she spills everything to her father. And she's clearly colluding with him on stuff. No, it's like, it's so obvious. Haley is just doing what he thinks Brooke wants. Right. He doesn't give a shit if they go on their honeymoon. Like he has nothing to gain from that. No, I'd be pissed because I was like, you are my wife and you're supposed to protect and stand by me. Like, fuck you. Right. Sorry. Okay, so then he, he also says to Haley, your relationship with your daughter is sick. That's, that's like, that makes it insane. It's in your weights or something more. Yeah. And Haley's like, what the hell? And then Billy says, Oh, shove it. Shove it is so funny. He tells Haley to shove it. And Haley is pissed. And Haley, I think it's a little rock hard when people stand up to him because no one's ever talked this way to him before. No. And it's like, honestly, part of me is like, I can't believe this doesn't actually make you like Billy Moore. Cause I know. Usually the twists were the like, Oh, wow. He's got some balls. You're an asshole. Just like me. Yeah. Wow. It's like a turn on that someone's standing up to them. At Jess's funeral, it's just Jake and the priest. And Jess has the shitty his coffin. It is like a naughty pine. I can't believe Jake even showed up for this shit. Yeah. Like it was all just an act. Like they were just going through the mouth. You know what I mean? I'm surprised he wasn't like, put him in a potter's grave. I would have just had him fucking incinerated. Just put him in an unmarked grave. Dump the ashes in a, in a fucking dumpster. No, flush him in the toilet. Wait, dump them in the dumpster that you fuck Joe next to. Yes, put them in there and then tell Joe, Hey, I put him. You can go hop in the dumpster where you guys fucked. Do you want to remember him? Talk to him. Um, then Joe shows up and Jake says, you hear to weep over the man who almost killed you. And he's like, I warned you about him. And she's like, Jake, I'm sorry. And she's so dumb. And he's like, I don't give a damn. I don't care what happened to him. And I don't care what happens to you either. I love both Jake and Matt being finally pissed and all the losers they're surrounded by. Yeah, because Jake also I find has been very there for people and stands up for them and helps them. And he's like, always someone you can count on kicking someone's ass for you or whatever. Right. And none of these fools ever help him. They just cause more problems. They really don't help him. Um, and then Joe is like, I got your mom's brooch back. No one gives a shit, Joe. Why did you show up? That night at Melrose, Billy goes into his apartment. It's all burnt. Like the walls are burnt. And Brooke shows up with his suitcase and hers. And she tells Billy that she's out of her dad's house. And she just wants Billy to forgive her. And she's all sweet to him. And Billy falls for it. This is classic Brooke. Yeah. She does the little charming and acts all innocent acts like, Oh, you know, I didn't know. And Billy's like, my place is a little messy. And she doesn't care. No, she just wants to be with Billy. Sydney shows up to talk to Amanda. And Amanda's like, well, your place is safe. You don't have any structural damage at your apartment. So you can move back in in there, but I'm going to be your roommate. I also wanted to comment. I really like Sydney's hairstyle. She also got a hair haircut this season. She got, she got some layers. Yeah, she got layers and she got a little like a hint of a bang. It's like a little side sweep. It's a side sweep situation. Her color looks a little lighter too. Her hair color. It's like a little more strawberry. So Sydney's like, what? And she's like, yeah, you can stay rent free, but you have to sleep on the couch. She's like, it's my apartment. I don't buy this for a second. Sydney would eat this deal up. She'd be like, free rent. I'm down. She try and like get some other perks thrown in there. Like, this is a great deal for Sydney. At the psych ward, Peter visits Kimberly and she's curled up on her bed and all she can remember is that she was getting headaches again, but she doesn't remember the explosion. And she's like, Peter, I'm not a bad person. And she's like, I would never, I would never hurt anyone. I would never hurt anyone. And she says it a lot of times in a row to imply like she's lost it. She definitely would hurt someone. She's protesting too much. Yeah. And that's where the episode ends. Kind of a funny ending. It's like a soft landing. It was a very soft landing for such a dramatic explosion. I agree. I mean, maybe they're like, well, we can't top that. So let's not even try. I thought that episode two had some great moments in it. So I'm looking forward to discussing that with you. It definitely starts going off the rails more. This is kind of like an intermediate episode where we have to deal with the aftermath of all of this drama that happened and all the consequences. And now we're set up for what's to come. New storylines emerge or new incidents emerge. Yes. New characters take to the forefront. Oh boy. All right. We'll see you next week for episode two. Bye. Bye. (Music) Let's talk about something that's not always top of mind, but still really important. Life insurance. Why? Because it offers financial protection for your loved ones and can help them pay for things like a mortgage credit card debt. It can even help fund an education. And guess what? Life insurance is probably a lot more affordable than you think. In fact, most people think life insurance is three times more expensive than it is. So with state farm life insurance, you can protect your loved ones without breaking the bank. 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Kimberly presses the button, Michael takes the girls to his place, Amanda brings flowers, Matt loses it, Jake is over it, Billy tells Hailey to shove it, Jane is ruthless, Sydney gets a roommate, Brooke wants to go on her honeymoon, and Peter has some kind of plan.
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