Bitchslap

Melrose Place S3 E30 - The Big Bang Theory

It's the season 3 finale and so much happens!

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Duration:: 1h 50m
Broadcast on:: 28 Aug 2024
Audio Format:: mp3

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Hi, welcome to Switchsoft, this is Rachel Fisher. Hi, this is Desi Jadakan, and this is Melrose Place Season 3, episodes 30 and 31. Oh, yeah, it's a double. It's a double header, and it's called "The Big Bang." Desi, yes. I've said several... It's called "The Big Bang Theory," I just looked it up. Well, Wikipedia says it's "The Big Bang." I told you several times that I think the Season 3 finale of Melrose Place is one of the greatest season finales ever, but re-watching it. This week, it was surpassed my expectations. Oh, wow. I forgot all this crazy shit that happened. Yeah, a lot happens. So we have to get into it because this will be a long one. We begin with Michael Mancini in jail, in his jumpsuit, and he's talking to Sydney on the phone across the glass. And she's wearing a wild butterfly print suit. It is a white skirt suit with butterflies on it. Just like, not even in a pattern, really, just kind of randomly flying around. Yeah. And she's like, "Michael, I don't owe you anything." And he's like, "Come on, should you go to home and get out of here?" Sydney is so stupid when it comes to Michael, it literally drives me insane. Because it takes nothing for her to get be convinced by him. She literally folds within seconds. Yeah. So she basically had gone there with the intention just to gloat. They're like, "Oh, I'm not in prison. You're in prison, whatever, he's in jail." And he couldn't make bail. It was $200,000. And he's like, "Come on, should you go to help me? Kimberly set me up. I need you to find out what she's up to." And she goes, "I don't know, Michael, I'm kind of busy." Yeah. But we know. But he starts flattering her, and that's all it takes. She just can't resist not having any competition for him. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. She'll always fill in that space. Yeah. He's like, "Come on. Should you're the only one I could ever trust, you're my only friend." Yeah. And she's like, "Okay, I'll see what I can find out." After the credits, we go to Brooks House. And the credits have some exciting name drops, though. Well, I gasped when I saw one of them, because I had forgotten he comes back in this episode. And Patrick Moldoon. And this is the first episode with Patrick Moldoon. No, I was like, "Oh." And then I was like, "Oh." Remember how I had said way back, I guess it was the beginning of this season, when I said, "Oh, I know what happens to Richard. Something crazy happens to not Richard." What was the other guy? Chris. Oh, wait, Chris. I said, "I know what happens to Chris. In my head, I conflated Chris with Richard." Wow. Yeah. They have some similar qualities. Yeah. Yeah. They're both like shady guys. But Patrick, what is his name, Richard, doesn't start off shady. Like, not really. Not super shady. Chris is kind of sleazy from the get-go. Yeah. Yeah. So, Hailey Armstrong is having breakfast outside, and Brooke and Billie show up. And Billie tells Hailey that him and Brooke got engaged last night. And we can tell Hailey's not happy about it. Yeah. Like, who is this idiot? We all think that. And then Brooke is like, "Daddy, can I talk to you in private?" Like, Hailey pretended to be, like, excited for them. Right. But it was kind of a little through-gooded teeth. Like, "Oh, great." Yeah. Because she's also like, "Let's do it Saturday, next Saturday." Oh, yeah. Sorry. I forgot to mention that part. That's crazy. This isn't something that wealthy people do. They want to plan, like, the most lavish, ostentatious wedding. But Brooke is definitely on a timeline, because she's the guy to squeeze this before Alison fights. Yeah. Yeah. I just thought it was insane and also insanely rude to everyone they invited. Well, it's like only a rich person could absolutely do this, though, right? Yeah. Because it's like, it would be impossible for anyone else outside of a city hall thing. So Brooke's like, "Daddy, can I talk to you in private?" Or she wants to talk. Yeah. She wants to talk to him in private. And the dad is like, "Are you out of your mind, Brooke?" And he goes, "He's a nobody." Yeah. He is. It is funny, because it's like, "He's pretty mean to Billy." And it's like, "Well, I can't argue this." And then Billy sees them arguing, and he gets this sad look on his face. Yeah. Like he knows. Like, "Oh, I'm a nobody. I'm from the valley." Yeah. And Brooke's dad-- Oh, Brooke then says to her dad, she's like, "Daddy, he's like an undervalued asset, and I'm going to turn him into a Fortune 500 company." She's going to change him. Yeah. But Haley is still not happy about this. Kimberly is in the locker room at the hospital, and she looks in the mirror in her locker and sees the man. He's back. He's back. Don't go to our mirror with this guy. Yeah. You can't. You can't look in any mirrors with this guy's lurking around now. He'll pop up in any mirror, nightmare. And she's really scared of this guy. She wants him to leave her alone. And he's like, "You're not losing your mind. I'm inside of you." And he-- This guy's perfectly cast, because he's really creepy to me. Yeah, he's very creepy. And he knows all the tea. This guy knows all about Michael, and Amanda, and Sydney. Yeah. And he's like, "I want you to hurt them." And she's like, "I can't. I can't do that." And he's like, "You already tried to kill Michael twice." And she's like, "You can't make me hurt them." Which is crazy, because she set Michael up and sent him to jail. She hates Michael and Amanda. And I don't think she likes Sydney very much. Now, she hates literally everyone, even Matt. Doesn't she say she's like, "Too bitch?" She calls them "Too bitches," or does he? I don't remember. I just made me laugh to call Michael a bitch. Yeah. At Shooters, Jake arrives. He's out of the hospital. And he finds Jess working behind the bar. And he's like, "Hey, man, get the hell out of here." Yeah. And Jess is all indignant. He literally thinks he saved the bar. Jess has one of the worst personality types. He's so bad. Where he's an expert at-- or he thinks he's an expert at guilt tripping, but he's not subtle about it. Yes. Because he's like a sociopath. But there's no feelings there. He's got the towel on his shoulder. And he's like, "So this is the things I get for keeping your bar running." And he's like, "If I leave now, you don't have a brother." And Jake's like, "Fine by me. Get out of here." Jake's-- I love Jake's sort of coldness to Jess, because he's like, "Fuck you. You got me almost killed, and I know it." Right. Yeah. Sydney's at the hospital fainting illness. This is her idea of how to get Kimberly talking and find out what she's up to. Right. She's just like, "Oh, I love how, like, in this world, when you go to the hospital, you get Kimberly or Michael." Right. Like, yeah, those are the only two doctors. Like, why would she ever want to have Kimberly as her doctor, period? And wouldn't Kimberly be like, "Uh, can you take this one for me?" Like, it's just so crazy. Um, so, Sydney's like pretending she has an illness just so she can talk to Kimberly. And she's like, "Michael's in jail again, where he belongs. I'm doing great." And then the man starts talking to her and is like, "Kill Sydney now." And she thinks about it. She picks up a pair of scissors on that little tray. Yeah. She's like, "I'll stick it right in her fucking throat." But then she decides not to. Yeah. Elsewhere in the hospital, Paul asks Matt if he can talk. And Matt also is like folding at the first sign of flattery. Ugh, so stupid. And he's like, "I miss you." And Matt's like, "I miss you too." And Paul's like, "Look, Carol and I are meeting with the divorce lawyer this afternoon. And being like, "I need you right now. I really need you around." It's like helping me out during this time. This is one of Matt's dumbest mistakes. He's so dumb for this. And he's like, "I just need you to hang in there a little longer." Yeah, and Matt's perfectly willing to wait. Anytime anyone says, "I just need you to hang in there a little longer." In regards to cheating or waiting for someone to get divorced. Right. It's like any normal person would be like, "I'm really interested in you. Let me get through this and then I'll get back to you." They wouldn't drag them along like this. They would cut them away and say, "Maybe if you're still available, we can try again." Or Matt should have been like, "Call me when you're actually divorced." Oh, yeah. Matt should definitely have done that. But I'm saying someone who truly cared would do that. Do you know what I mean? It's like Matt needs to do it for sure. He's an idiot. But Matt should recognize that this guy's a selfish piece of shit. Wait, and this is after the last episode where he was waiting outside. Yes. Right? And he didn't show up. Like after someone did that to me, I would be like, "Bye." I do humility. Yeah. Come on. Matt says, "I'm not going anywhere." At Jane Mancini Designs, the cops bust through the door and they're like, "Lady, we're seasoning all your assets and this place is getting shut down." I was like, I didn't even know you could foreclose a business. I thought that was just for like, you know, and she's like, "I have orders to fill." And they're like, "I don't care." She doesn't get it. And she has to leave like immediately. Like she has to leave all her crush-developed dresses behind. Her little bolts of crush-developed fabric that she hasn't even cut into yet. Right. She's like, "I have all this fabric here and I need designs." Yeah. That night at Joe's, Jess is drinking a beer and he's like moping and Joe has made dinner and he's like, "I'm not hungry." And Joe says something insane. She's like, "I bought a cookbook and everything." I was like, "You bought a cookbook to make red sauce spaghetti?" She said, "I made pasta sauce from scratch, Jess." She's like, "What?" And Jess goes, "So you eat it." He's a dick. This should have been, I mean, there were several red flags down the line, but this whole conversation, I would have just been like, "Bye. You don't talk to me like that." No. Be like, "Oh, you're not hungry?" This guy is so, I cannot stand this guy. He is awful. Then the phone rings and it's Alison calling from Hong Kong and she is just thrilled that anyone in the States has answered her call. All right. She's like, "Hello? Joe? Joe? A person?" And Joe's like, "Hey, Alison." And then Alison tells her, she's like, "Billy says it's over." And Joe's like, "Do you want me to talk to him about it?" And then Jess grabs the phone out of Joe's hand and is like, "Hey, we're eating dinner now. Joe's going to have to get back to you." And then he tells Joe, "This is my time with you." See, that's where he would be for sure gone. Like, that's something you cannot work around. No. Like, it's not like he's grumpy. This is like psychotic. That is something only a controlling abuser says, "Yeah, this is my time with you." You kind of maybe get through the dinner and then to be safe maybe and then you change your locks and file a restraining order immediately. Yeah. Or you tell Jake and he'll take care of it. That's true. So Joe has to tell Alison that she'll call her tomorrow and Alison is like devastated. Yeah. It's like, "Well, what about Joe? Don't you feel--?" You just heard this. Dude, if I heard that on the phone, I'd be like, "I'm flying in from Hong Kong. That'll be right there." I would be like, "Say spaghetti if you're being threatened right now." How is Alison not reacting to that at all? Because I would be like, "Wait, what just happened?" Because Alison's a dry drunk. She's just concerned about her own issues. She's going to meetings but she's not working the steps. Yeah. Yeah. That would just not-- if that happened to me like with you on the phone or anyone I was friends with, that would just not be the end of the call. I would have goosebumps. I would too. I would be fucking scared and be like, "I'm coming with backup." Right. Or, "I'm calling Jake right now." Or Jake. I would just call Jake and be like, "Hey, I heard Jess talking very abusive." Yeah. Abusively. Ooh. We need fucking Jake. All of us need Jake around to call. He's the guy you won around in a crisis. Or when some guy is threatening you. Because he'll throw it down. Jake will throw someone off a building. Yeah. Yeah. At the jail, Michael has another visitor. It's Dr. Peter Burns. And he has a really bad new haircut. It's like they weren't-- it's like they're like, "Well, we want to keep it kind of long but not bull cut anymore." Let's just like, I don't know, close our eyes and cut out a little bit. It's like they straightened his bangs to the side. I don't know what it is. I was like, "How did he go from kind of hot?" Because we were like, "He's kind of hot." I mean, he is hot. But this haircut, he's not hot to me. It's like Taylor Hicks level for me. They do fix it as far as I can remember. Yeah. It does get fixed. It's like, "Whoa, what happened?" He's like, "Hello, Michael." And Michael's like, "Whoa, what are you doing here? You're supposed to be in jail." And Peter's like, "Well, I'm out. Don't ask too many questions." And he's like, "He's willing to pay Michael's bail." I mean, this is just a great pairing. It's like two psychos coming together to destroy people. Finally. It's so satisfying when they finally team up. Yeah. I mean, yeah. Because they do have more in common. Like once Peter drops his bid for respect to him. Now everyone knows he's kind of devious. He can just-- It's a fleas bag. Partner with Michael and there's no shame in that. Yeah, they're both like two rich hot doctors who are sleazy. Yeah. It's a match made in heaven. Billie and Brooke return to Melrose Place from a run. And Joe's like, "Billie, wait up," because she's got to tell Billie the Allison called. And Brooke goes inside and she's like, "Oh, how long have you been seeing Brooke?" And she's like, "That's kind of quick. What about Allison?" And Billie's like, "Well, Brooke and I are getting married on Saturday." And she's like, "What?" Yeah, she tells them Allison still loves him. Yeah. And he's like, "That's not what she said in our letter." Right. And she's like, "The wedding's at 4 p.m. and Pasadena. Like if you want to come, or there's an invite in your mailbox." And imagine having Joe as your like person who defends you. She's just like the worst, just like the worst at it. No, she needed someone like Amanda to be like, "Billie, what are you doing?" Yeah, are you fucking idiots? Like just girl? No, Joe is like, she can barely handle her own life. That's not who you need as an advocate. No. She's pathetic. She tells Billie she thinks, she's like, "I think you're making a mistake." And Billie goes, "Then don't come." I love when Billie's a dick. It's a rebound. Yeah. It was like, "Honey, honey, clean up your own house before you judge other religious." Yeah. At the beach house, Peter and Michael are talking, and we learn that Peter was only in jail for three days. So he's just been like laying low. He's been planning. Yeah. He's like, "My lawyer was able to get me out with only 2,000 hours of community service at a free clinic." And he says that he can get Michael free legal services with his lawyer and secure his bail. All he wants is for Michael to recant his testimony in front of the board about him trying to kill Amanda. Yeah. Which is what landed him in jail. Right. Because Michael was in the room when that happened. Right. And Michael was so pissed, obviously, that he testified in front of the board that Peter tried to kill Amanda. Yeah. And so he's like, "I need you to recant your statement. Make sure my license doesn't get suspended." And then he's like, "And then we could start our own practice." And Michael loves this. And they cheers and Michael says, "I hate women." Sorry. Yeah. He's just kidding. Yeah. He's just like, "What?" No. He says, "I hate women." And then he, Michael realizes, he's like, "All right. That was a little crazy. I hate all my exes." I hate women. It was so, I was like, "He finally said it." He finally said it. And Peter's like, "I got a soft spot for you, Mancini, we're two of a kind." Yes. In Hong Kong, they're praying out at Alison's AA meeting. And Alison meets a British guy who introduces himself as Ian Sinclair. And he's like, "I also work for Haley's company." Yeah. And he offers to be her sponsor and gives her his card. Now, Desi, this is something they always do in TV shows. They always use this as a device. They have a guy who appears as a love interest or a woman ask a man or a woman to be like, "I want to sponsor you." They did this on Dexter when they got that crazy lady who was like, "I'll be a sponsor." Yes. That doesn't happen. Like street guys and straight women, they have other women's bond. They have their own woman sponsor and the guy has a guy's sponsor. Got it. I'm just saying that I'm just-- It's not like a meatcute. It's not a meatcute. It's the opposite of a meatcute. You should not get into a relationship or have any sexual feelings toward your sponsor. Right. Yeah. That makes sense. And you should do everything like to mitigate that. He doesn't have to be your sponsor. It could be like her AA buddy. Dude. Right? That's what I'm saying is I don't know why they still use this device. Then they could just make him her friend. I think it's just using language people who don't know. We'll be like, "Oh, the sponsor." Do you know what I mean? People know what a sponsor is. No, it is like crazy for the amount of sober people that are in Hollywood. You would think they would figure out how to make an accurate recovery scene. Right. Or if that did happen in a show or movie, it would be a sinister thing. Right? Yeah. Because it's sort of unethical. Yeah. I mean, it's like, what's your motive there? Yeah. Like, I'm not saying it doesn't happen or hasn't ever happened. It's just like, but on the TVs and movies, it's always a little bit of a, it always happens. Yeah. Like, no, that's actually not how it works. Yeah. But Alison's like not interested in this guy. She's kind of like skeptical of him. Yeah, and I'm kind of unsure why. Because he doesn't come off particularly weird to me. No, he's like a regular guy. And I was kind of like, why is she so, I mean, I got if he came on to her more, but it's really not even that. And also, I just don't, I guess I just don't remember where he fits in in the rest of the show. Me too. Because he only has two scenes. Right. And they're being consequential. Yeah, they could have been cut unless it's supposed to pay off later. It probably does. Yeah. And we just don't remember. Yeah. Michael is at Jane's apartment. And he's, wow, he's really going at her. He's like, what do you, they foreclose? Hey, that's my money I invested in the business. And he's barking at her. And he's like, don't make me a whipping boy for your failure. I always love when he's just in their old apartment. Yeah. Like she let him in. She's in a robe. Yeah. And she's like, Michael, I don't want to get into it. No, this scene is funny because for out of nowhere Amanda pops over. Yeah. She stops by just to dunk on Jane, but she's like there with her bill for D&D. She's like, here's your bill. It's unpaid bill. It's like, is that part of your job, Amanda? Yeah. She's like, she looks at Jane and she's like, still in your bathroom. Everyone else is up and up and working right now, Jane. No. Not Jane. I just came to stop by you owe D&D money from your last campaign. And then she sees Michael and she's like, what are you doing out of jail? And then he says, he's out of jail courtesy of your ex-boyfriend. And then he's like, and I'm going to slap you with a defamation suit. So you'll be in chapter 11, just like Janey here. Amanda is like, the president of Mackenzie Hart Designs is going to be at D&D. Richard Hart is the president. And Jane's like, oh my God, you have to introduce me. She's like, show him my sketches. Why would Amanda ever do that? Also, why would, that's so unprofessional. Yeah. Like, did she would be in a meeting with him about an advertising campaign? And she's like, here's my friend's sketches, they're not even friends. Right. Right. It would be, it feels, it's tacky. It's really tacky. So Amanda says no. And then she leaves Jane by saying, unlike you, I have a job to get to. Yeah. But Jane goes to D&D anyway. Oh my God. And she shows up looking so cute. All of her outfits in this episode were just like adorable. Yes. No, she looked great this episode. I was shocked when she showed up. I was like, this is kind of embarrassing, but wow. But I do love when Jane does something ballsy. Yes, I would never do it, but maybe that's why I don't get ahead. I'm like, is this the kind of business person I have to be? No. Do I have to like be pushy with people? It's one of those things where it's like, if it pays off, it's great. But if it doesn't, it's like a humiliating story, you know? So she's wearing this sheer, white, long sleeve, like tight blouse that's kind of like tied up. It's like a button up. It's stretchy. Yeah. It's like, yeah, it's like a mesh, a fine mesh. And Jane forces herself in an elevator with Richard Hart. She actually shoves Amanda out of the way to get in, like right before it closes. Yeah. She shoves her hard. I was like, she just recovered from cancer. Sorry. I know. And Jane, and Richard's like, what the hell? And she's like, please take a look at my designs. Oh my God. And he's like, hmm, all right, come to the office tomorrow because she looked hot. Yeah. If it was like Andrea from 902 and no, he'd be like, lady? Yeah. I appreciate your gumption, but no. Um, at shooters, Sydney tells Michael that Kimberly is staying at the Malibu motel. So she did find that out from her visit at the hospital. Right. And he's like, I need you to go snoop around. Meanwhile, Paul is in his office ordering a dozen white roses for Carol, his wife. Yeah. Right as he gets off the phone with the florist, Matt walks in and he's like, hey, Paul. And he's like, ready for our date. He's this guy, this guy's too much. Kimberly gets a call and she, it's Sydney on, on a cell phone. And Kimberly's at the hospital. So Sydney doesn't say anything. She just needed to confirm that Kimberly is at work. Yes. She hangs up and breaks into her motel room. Yeah, and this is great. She's like a cat burglar. This is like the 10th time Sydney's been a cat burglar on the show. I looked at when Sydney's a cat burglar. She always has kind of like a cute little burglar outfit. Yeah. It's like a very like pointed outfit. Yes. Um, she's with a, she has a flashlight and she goes into the bathroom. And on the bathroom mirror is a collage of pictures of like the cast of Melrose Place with their heads cut off. The thing that really made me laugh is there was one of Matt. I was like, he's catching the stress just because he was like a little snippy with her a few times about the wig. Yeah. Yeah. Like, yeah, the, the people on the wall are Michael, Sydney, Amanda and Matt. And Matt is like, Matt had a different level of drama with you. Well, it's kind of like majority Michael, Sydney, and Amanda. And then there's like one, Matt, it's like, and you in a way, it made me laugh because it was so overwhelmingly Michael and like Sydney and Amanda really lingered on the Matt one. It was so fucking funny. It just made me laugh so hard because I was like, Oh man, poor Matt. Well, he snatched her wig. I agree. Matt is like, just as bad as whatever Michael did. Absolutely. Um, so Sydney's like, Oh God, I got to get out of here. She takes pictures of the collage before she leaves at the police station. Michael and Sydney bring the photos of this mirror and the cops like, you got nothing. Yeah, this guy, this guy is like, he's, he's like, aren't you the one? Then she tried to kill you or it's something he like knew the whole he's been watching the show. Yeah. This guy. He's, he's been watching the show, he's been listening to bitch slap. He's like, I know your, I know your story. Yeah. You were in jail in the mental institution and she tried to kill you, didn't she? Episode. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And she, she's like, um, Michael says Kimberly Shaw is a natural aptitude for homicide and the cops like get out of here. He's sick of their shit. At the West Hollywood health clinic, Kimberly shows up to confront Peter about bailing Michael out of jail. And Peter decides to flirt with her and he's like, hmm, I, this was genius of him. He's like, you've been, he's right off the bat, he goes, you've been the guest star of many of my sexual fantasy, like that's definitely the way that Kimberly's heart, like, yeah, she's so desperate to be wanted right now. At the end of the day, Kimberly just wants to be desired and lusted after. She wants to be like someone's ho, ho. Yeah. You know what I mean? She's like the stiff doctor at work. She likes to get down in the bedroom. She's like Robin from sister wise. Yes. She came in and broke up a marriage, but then when the dirt bag husband got bored of her, now she's like, what happened to my happy ending? Yes. So I think that Kimberly will always fall for someone thinking she's sexy. Yeah. Um, he then asks her out and she's like, hmm, okay. What did you think about the font for Mackenzie Hart? Okay, I was trying to place it because what is that? It looks like something from like a TV show. It looks like a, it looks like a local fucking public acts as TV station font or something. It kind of reminded me a little bit of Mary Tyler Marshall font. Yeah, that too. It had that, it was like that type of font where it was kind of thick and then thin. Like do you know what I mean, like an N would have a really thick line and then the thin. It was like very of that era, like 80s to me, like late 70s, early 80s. It was definitely dated or 1995. Nothing about it screamed fashion designer. No. It was like a toy company or something. It was so weird. No. I clocked that too. It sold cosmetics maybe. Yeah, but it still would be like dated, but dated and not like, you know, fancy. It's like when you see, when you go through a brands logos through the year decades and it changes. That's the one from 1984. Yes. And it's like you see and they're all very of their era. Yes. Yes. Yes. So also I'd like to point out that the interior of Mackenzie Hart, this supposed prestige designer looked like, I don't know, was this like the set from Escapade magazine? Like it did not look like, it was an office. It was an office. There was nothing like creative or like, wow, I'm in another world. Do you know what I mean? Like what you would expect walking into a bustling fashion house. Right. And let's forget the fact that Los Angeles is never been the fashion capital of the United States. Like, even Kate Beacon or whatever her name was, was nicer than this though. Yeah, it was like a big open space. Yeah. This was like a dental office. It was great. I don't know. The font was crazy. It was so crazy. So Jane has an interview in Richard Hart's office. And Richard asks Jane to dinner, Alison calls D&D from Hong Kong. Like she's calling Brooke's office. She's got like, I remember those phone cards you used to have to do it like long distance calls. Yeah. Because she's like using all her minutes making these calls, right? Dude, she's like, she's spent so much money on long distance calls for Hailey Armstrong ads. Um, she, Alison, I mean, Amanda picks up the phone in Brooke's office. And she's like, Oh, I don't know if you knew this, but Brooke and Billy are getting married this weekend. And Alison's like, what Amanda is living like she's shaking without great this feels. She could have weighed to tell Alison this information. Let's take a quick break here. Hey prime members, are you tired of ads interfering with your favorite podcasts? Good news with Amazon music. 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That night at Shooters, Billy tells Jake he's getting married. Jake's like, "What the hell?" Yeah, Jake needs at least 20 years to do this. And Billy's like, "I want you to be my best man." And Amanda is the maid of honor. Why? They're not even friends. They're like, "Brooke and Amanda, that's like her newest friend." Why, because they were kind of just working together, like, sinisterly to take down Allison. Brooke is a loser. No, Brooke is crazy. And Jake accepts. He's like, "You're crazy, but okay." Yeah. Well, I always forget that they had a falling out. They did. But it was... Because one of them didn't Jake Punchbelly or like... Somebody punched someone. I feel like Billy punched Jake. Right. And Jake was nice enough not to hit him back. Yeah. If Jake punched Billy, Billy would have gone flying across like the room. What was there find about you, remember? It was about a girl. Okay. It was something. It was about Amanda. Oh, it was about Amanda. You're right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was it. Because Jake was fucking Amanda. That's right. But then there was some point where Billy got back. They fucked when they were on a break or something. Right. And then Billy had to apologize to Jake so that he could be his best man at Billy's wedding to Allison. That's right. So Jake is just like going to be on standby forever, like you're always going to be my best man. Yes. Um, we go back to Hong Kong and Allison is walking through a market with her new sober friend, Ian Sinclair. And he tells her, he's like, "You need to go back to LA and say it to Billy's face." Yeah. Well, I don't look. I mean, Allison should not have accepted this job anyway, because it's stupid. But I'm not one of those people that's like, "Get on a plane and tell them how you feel." I mean, it's a lot of work, because like what if it doesn't work out? Also just get them on the phone. It's not impossible just because you haven't done it yet. Engage the situation better. I mean, she's so stupid in this whole situation, because what she should have done is just had this conversation with Billy before she left. Period. I guess maybe this is just Ian's purpose is because Ian is the one that tells Allison that Haley created her job position for her. Yeah. After we discussed that, I did remember this, but it didn't have to be an AA person. It could have been the secretary. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Like this whole AA sideline story, like, "Yeah, Paul's house is insane." Yeah, well, because his wife is really rich, but like the exterior of this house is one of those like post-modern, late '80s, white, angular things. But the inside is not modern. No. The inside. It doesn't make any sense, Desi. The inside is like all antiques. Right. It just looks like rich people decor, like boring decor. Yeah. And the outside is extremely modern. It's so weird. Yeah. Paul is packing his wife into a limo. He's like shoving her in there because he's like, "They're going to the nieces graduation," or I guess the wife is. Yes. He has to like work. Yeah. So he's like, "Bye, honey." Then he goes inside his house and calls Matt, and he's like, "Carol moved out." This guy's so full of it, I can't. And Matt is like, "Well, you know, I'm really not ready to rush into a relationship." And Paul's like, "Oh, that's fine, but can I see you after work to fuck?" He's no chill. And Matt's like, "Okay." So he's like, "Meet me at the hospital." Also, how many times has he lied to Matt that Matt immediately is like, "Oh, okay." It's like when you would get some corroboration that this has finally happened. Or like give it a few days. It's just crazy. Or like invite this guy to your house. I don't know. I just, yeah, I don't know. Matt's clearly ignoring things. Jane is having a business dinner with Mackenzie and Richard Hart, okay. I had forgotten about this relationship, but did they mention, by this point in the episode, did they say they were mom and son? They haven't said anything yet about what they're-- But it's a ride. I didn't think that. You thought they were mom and son? Why did they say they were mom? Because I don't think she's old enough to be his mom. I guess not. She's like obviously older, but she's still pretty young. Right. It's like-- But both of their last names is Hart. But he's single. I think what I thought was that they were married. And I'm not even sure, are they divorced? Right. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Well, they're both the CEOs of the company or he's the CEO, but Mackenzie Hart, it's her design. She's like the name and probably the founder. Right. And she's a bitch. She's a total bitch. And she's like from another era. She's like from Dynasty. You're right, because I think she actually was on Dynasty. This is an actress. Her name is Morgan Brittany. And she was in a lot of TV in the '80s. And I think a lot of soaps. And she has that look. She has '80s face. Yeah. You know, some people-- Yes. Don't stand the test of like every era. Right. I feel like she's someone who's like, let's bring her in. She's like a young Jung Collins or something. Right. Do you know what I mean? It's like that type of soap character. Like she can play the villain. I mean, and that's not a dig on these people's faces. I think they're gorgeous. I just mean like, I don't know, she looks very '80s to me. Some people just have like, some people you can picture them in any decade. And sometimes when you have a very strong look, especially with her styling, it's just a very of the '80s, that look was very popular. It's sort of like that meme, like when somebody, some actress gets cast in a period piece and they just look out of place for whatever that era is, they're like, I know this lady's face has seen a cell phone. Yes. I also think she kind of has-- I think the '80s things too is because she kind of has a nagle look. That's what it is. Yeah. It's like the piercing eyes with the severe eyeliner. Yeah. Sometimes I think it's like, they just look like whatever, you know, look was trendy at the time because there's always like, let's say in fashion, there's certain models are very like the blonde '80s, you know, like Cheryl Teagues and like Christy Brinkley. They just have, there's like looks that are kind of like very of the era that were popular. So they're having dinner and Jane is, I mean, Mackenzie's a fucking bitch. She calls Jane Janet. That's pretty funny. And Richard's showing Mackenzie Jane's designs and she says monochromatic is out and she leaves the table. Yeah. And Richard's like, she likes you. You start tomorrow. I was like, what is this unspoken language? And what is her position? Like, what does he know that wasn't illustrated in this scene? Yeah. It's crazy. Up in the hills, Jess and Joe have parked their bike. Like I guess, yeah, they rode up on Jess's motorcycle. This is a, this is a Hanson brother's staple driving people up to this cliff. Because Jane take Allison here too, like she took it. It's like they always go to the top of Mulholland. Yeah. And I'll look out on this cliff and look out here at the city. And Jess is like, got a job in construction, and he's like, I'm trying to take my future seriously. And I also want to take our relationship to the next level. And then he says, Joe, will you marry me? And she starts laughing. She's like, what? That's how you get killed with a guy like Jess. Yeah. Dude, there is no one but coyotes around you. I was like, I get why she laughed because it's crazy, but he's already illustrated like an insane side. I would just not have, that would have not been my reaction. No. And obviously like hindsight is 2020, but like I know myself and a lot of other women and like you've dealt with like very scary situations with like men before where they do. We know what comes next. Yeah. So like my spidey senses were just like, yeah, fire, yeah, like watching this mania. No, he's so evil. He then goes, yeah, I guess it's kind of funny, a guy like me asking a girl like you to marry me. And then this is a classic. Now Joe has to apologize. Yes. And he's pissed. He's like, get on the bike. Why is she still hanging out with this guy? He orders her onto the bike. She's like, wait, Jess, let's talk about it. And he's like, get on the bike. Yeah. Later, Kimberly shows up at Peter's house and she is wearing a low cut orange dress with a wrap. She's, that's Kimberly's signature hot look. When are we going to bring back the wrap? Yeah. The wrap for a cocktail event or a formal event, we used to do a lot of wraps. I like it. I like it too because you don't have to ruin the look with a formal jacket. You don't have to buy a separate formal jacket. If the dress doesn't come with one, you just have this cover up that's very easy. Yeah. And it's cozy. It's cozy and it doesn't ruin the dress. No, I agree. It gets cold. Because you can style it many ways. I think the wrap should make a comeback. Of course. That's like when everyone had pajminas. Oh my god. The pajmina craze. I think they should come back. I don't mind pajminas. They were great. Yeah. There was always like those people who's like, I found them on eBay. They have a hundred colors and they're like 20 don't like there was always like the discount. Yeah. The discount pajmina. I'm all about it. Me too. If anyone can tell me where to get a quality, yes, a quality pajmina, not junkie, but reasonable. Yeah. It doesn't have to be like, I don't need a designer. I just want it to be quality. Let's bring back the pajmina. I'm bringing it back this far. Yes. Let's do it. I think you should too. I'm going to get one. I'll wear it at the live show. I will too. We should have a cozy little pajmina. Wrap ourselves up in it. We need to figure out which city is the pajmina city. It's probably going to be the Midwest. It'll be cold by then. Okay. So we have till November. Yeah. We got to find a pajmina. Yeah. Right in the Hollywood crime scene at gmail.com and you have a great place to buy pajminas. So she's like, I have two tickets to the opera and he goes, I hate the opera. And then they start making out. They're so horny. Yeah. At the beach house, Michael and Peter are rehearsing for the medical board hearing. And Peter wants him to say that Amanda is like lawsuit happy, right? And that she's like on this spree suing all the doctors at Wilshire Memorial and that's why both of them have been targeted. Yeah. And the Wilshire Memorial does deserve to be sued a lot. Yeah. Yeah. I think we need to like get down to the root causes here. Then he tells Michael, Oh, by the way, I'm dating your ex-wife Kimberly. These two should have had their own spin off where it was like their medical practice. Yeah. Like this would have been a proto nip talk. This is crazy the way he just dropped that he was dating Kimberly and Michael doesn't even carry takes a swig of his beer. He's like, Are you crazy? Cause she is. Yeah. He's like, Okay, dude. At Mackenzie Hart, Jane is going over Mackenzie's designs and she thinks they're bad. She's like, these are tired. So why did she want to work for this bitch? I know cause it's like she's like, that's my influence. That's why I got into fashion, but it's like you haven't followed her recent lines. I guess like her, whatever new current line that hasn't come out yet is like, she's fallen off. I guess. But you'd think it'd be more gradual, right, right. She's like, Richard, these are bad and Richard's like, they need, they need your James youthful designs. Oh, he's like, we need your youthful designs. And this is wild to me because all of the sudden Jane doesn't understand like, what an unknown designer does at a fashion house. Yeah. This was crazy. She's like, What do you mean? It's going to have Mackenzie's name on it. If I'm designing it, I want credit for my work. I mean, yeah, technically she's right, but that's just not how it works. Yeah. So if you're, you work at a fashion house or several fashion houses before you even think of starting your own line and even like big name lines, they'll have the, it's like it's not Versace designing them anymore, obviously, or Gucci or whatever. They have a house designer who's usually kind of famous, but it's not like necessarily the name you're seeing on the label, right? Like, no. So it's like, that's just that industry, like, no, it's like, we know Tom Ford's designing for Gucci. Well, he did. Right. We know Tom Ford's at Gucci. It's doesn't say Tom Ford on the label. It says Gucci. Yeah. Also, she's nobody and she like the idea that she, her, her name would be a selling point or something like, or that it would say Mackenzie Hart by Jane Mancini. No, this is crazy. No, she's acting like this is some like huge ethical thing she's going to go on Twitter about. Yeah. And Richard's like, you got to, you got to do this to make it to the top. And he's like, let's, let's go on a date. So then they go on a date and they return at night at Melrose Place and she invites him inside. And at first he's hesitant, but then she says, I think it's time you had a woman your own age. Okay. That was crazy of her. So that was, okay. I was wondering what their relationship was. And I kind of was like, oh, they're married. It's like her much younger husband. And then when this happened, I was like, so Jane's just going to fuck a married man. She's just never established what their relationship is and if they're divorced, unless it was said and I just missed it. It wasn't sad, like I'm telling you, like, I don't think it was sad. I think we're supposed to just like think, I don't know what we were supposed to think. Okay. Because up until this one scene later on and in the office, I just, my brain was like their mom and son, even though, yes, you're right. Like she's not old enough to be his mom, even though she's older than him. I don't know why my brain just like did that. Well, yeah. So then when something happens later, I'm like, whoa, no, and this was when, when she said this, that's when I was like, okay, so they are married. I was like, unsure, but I just took a different path in you. I guess I took the path that I could have also remembered in the back of my mind, do you know what I mean? Right. Like subconsciously. Yeah. That's my story line, so anyway, um, back in Hong Kong, Alison calls Haley and she's pissed. She's like, I cannot believe you invented this position for me. Oh my God, I'm resigning immediately. And he's like this, she's like, this wasn't about me or your company. And Haley's like, well, wait a minute, don't resign. And she's like, I'm out of here. Yeah. This is like so unprofessional, to be honest, I think, right? Like, I mean, just like do your two weeks or whatever. Yeah. I just like, don't get her here. It's like fine. Give me the money then. Like, you're still paying me. I don't know. I don't know. Like just like work it out in a way that's like you're going to get paid out at least, I think. I don't know. The next day at Wilshire, Peter brings a rose to Kimberly as she's heading out to her car in the parking lot. And he's like, Kimberly, I'd like to invite you to the Beverly Hills Physician Association dinner to show you off. And she says, and people might think we're dating. And he says, I hope so. I like that he's in pure kind of robot psycho, like everything he says. It's just so like, not like a real person. It's just also, he's came on so strong, so fast. Yeah, but she's like into it and she's super horny. He's like, bring your toothbrush. Yeah. He is so sleazy. I love it. So they start kissing in the parking lot. And when she gets in her car, she's like, oh, she's like living. But then she looks in the rear view mirror and she's like about to back out and she sees the man. Yeah. And he's like, you're getting distracted. And she's like, I'm going to kill myself, so you'll go away. And then she goes on a crazy drive. Yeah. She like peels out of there. She burns rubber. She's weaving in and out of traffic, threatening her imaginary friend that she's going to kill herself. And he's like, no, don't. And she then screeches to a stop. And after like one second, she's like, he's gone. Why did she believe that? Like, oh, I got rid of him just by threatening because it's not like he's there continuously. He just like pops up. Right. So you don't know if that was just another pop out, but she thinks she thinks he's gone. She's scared him off with her reckless driving. Yeah. Um, at D and D, Haley calls Brooke and he's like, your friend, Alison found out about the wedding and she's headed to the States. Brooke is like, I will not let Alison ruin my wedding stress. And he says, well, let's hide Billy in Pasadena, look, get him out of that apartment building and bring him to Pasadena will stash him. She'll never find him here. Right. Like Alison hadn't already been there before. No, it doesn't make any sense. Brooke is pissed. Then Amanda strolls over and she's like, Alison knows about the wedding. And Amanda's like, oh, well, that's because I told her. And then Billy walks up and he goes 24 hours and counting. And Brooke is like, Billy, I need you to stay at my house tonight in Pasadena. Deal with the wedding planner. Yeah. And he just is like, okay. I also don't like when people are like, we'll send a driver to your place to get your things. They don't know what I need. I need to go through my things. What things? I guess like your toothbrush. No, I'm saying. Yeah. What things are you? Do you know what to get? No, that's a crazy thing for your driver to have to do because I know they're going to pick an article of clothing that I don't have the heart to get rid of, but we'll never wear ever again. No, it's like, don't assume every clothing in my, it's like, it's an option for me, you know. There's four things that are an option. Yeah, I have like maybe 10 things in my closet that I currently wear. Everything else is maybe I'll go to a place where this outfit's appropriate. Yeah. Or this makes me look awful, but I paid a lot of money for it and I can't throw it out. Right. So they're going to go in my drawers and just pick out something that's going to go badly for me. They would like pick out the one thong I own, but never wear. Are you kidding me? No, I was like, I would, I would be like, no, we'll stop on the way. And I'll get my things. Thank you. So, um, Jess is working at a construction site and Joe shows up and she's like, I was worried you didn't come home all night. And he's like, I just drove around. I was a jerk. Yeah. And she's like, yeah, she's like, Jess, all you have to do is talk to me. And he's like, but heard about the proposal. I'm just like, I just cannot believe how stupid Joe is. It's tragic. I love his boss because his boss sees Jess like loafing around talking to Joe and he's like, Hey, I don't pay you to talk. Yeah, they're all upset and all these East Coast construction workers. Yeah. Um, and then Jess is like, I'll see you tonight at home. Mackenzie Hart, Mackenzie confronts Richard about him being out late, like they're in Richard's office. And he's like, I was with Jane Mancini having a business dinner and he, she's like, you slept with her. Didn't you? And he says, no, even if I did, we agreed to see other people. This is where I was like, wait, are they married or divorced? Well, this is where I was like, that's his mom. We agreed to sleep with other people, mom, mom, I told you, it's like that SVU episode we recaped. Yes. Yes. With Charlin Finn, um, she then tries to kiss him and she goes, I know I'm not as young as Jane, but you can't tell me you still don't feel something. And he goes, you know, I do, and then they have a weird kiss. This always makes me so sad cause it's like back in the nineties, someone like in their forties was an ancient, old crone. I know. It's like, you're still a hot girl, like, dude, it made me depressed, like it made me depressed too. And the fact that there are like still people in 2024 that think like 30s is old, 40s is old, 50s is old, right, like, I told my friend last weekend, I was like, honestly, I don't consider old until you're like in your seventies. I agree. Cause you can, people look good. People look good. We don't look like we did in our thirties and forties, like they did in the eighties and nineties and seventies. No, I agree. Seven days, it's like, okay, you might die any day, you got to admit your old. Well, and also like, also like standards have changed. Thank God where, I mean, assholes will still shame you probably, but like, I feel like as a society, we've come around to the idea that like, yes, it's okay if a 60 year old woman wants to wear a short skirt, got, you know, got her bed. Right. Right. So it's, there's no shame in looking hot still. Yeah. I mean, from normal people. What was I watching? Oh, I wasn't watching, but someone posted a clip from Sex in the City, which obviously was like 20 years ago. And Carrie, who's in her mid thirties, tells Samantha, like, I can't be wearing this stuff anymore. I got to cover up a little. Oh God. It's like, girl, I've always thought that that was absolutely ridiculous. Yes. That sort of thing is a lot of fashion roles, like that kind of weird, it's like, who gives a shit? Right. And I think that has a lot to do with why maybe women looked older, because they were supposed to wear pantsuits and have short hair, do you know what I mean? Yeah. That's why they maybe looked older, because they were supposed to adopt the style that was like woman in her 50s style. Right. So it's like, maybe if they were always allowed to dress sexy or whatever made them feel good, they would have looked youthful for much, like it would have been historically a thing that we all knew, you know, knew was acceptable. Right. That's a good point. Because I think now, you know, you'll see someone like Jennifer Lopez in her 50s, she's not wearing anything different than she wore in her 30s. Right. Nor should she? No, I'm just saying like, right, if she didn't have to switch at some point or Madonna. Right. Remember where it's like you, there was like a certain haircut you had to get when you were a mom, even the mom cut. Mom cut, even if you were like in your 30s, it was like, I am no longer sexual. Right. It's just like a lot of that stuff, I think, I think influenced how we thought of older women. Right. And now I think that we don't have that. And it is sad to this day, like you still see, and I was the same way in my 20s, which weren't that long ago, but I remember being like, very scared of turning 30 because like, what would that mean? Yeah. Honestly, my 30s are 100 times better than my 20s. So ladies, don't be afraid to turn 30. Yeah. I mean, every decade is better than the last. I think so. It's like you get more confident, you stop caring as much. I mean, I say a lot of much older women saying like, I don't give a fuck anymore. So it's the best time of my life. Do you know what I mean? Right. It's like, great, I'm glad you don't see me as a sexual thing. Well, because only piece only like pieces of shit who you wouldn't want to fuck anyway. Yeah. Sink women expire. Yeah. At a certain age. Oh, yeah. It's like, why would I want to fuck you? You probably are terrible in bed. No, that's why I also noticed like it is sort of like now a thing where guys want older women. They should. Older women are hot. Yeah. They're hot. Well, remember like the best relationship on Sex and the City with Smith and Samantha? Yes. Like that was the only genuinely like loving and it was so loving to like. It was so loving. And at that time, like 20, 21 years ago when that happened, that was like kind of bold. It's truly my favorite relationship from the show. It might be one of my favorite TV relationships. Period. I love it. It was so good. She was so horny for her. He was so horny for her and he also brought out her softer side and vulnerable side. He was the best boyfriend. I know. I love him. I love Smith. Anyway, where were we? Oh, we're talking about Richard and Mackenzie. Right. Right. And like she's probably only like 42. She's 42. She's over the hell. Are you still attracted to me? Allison's on the plane. Wait first. Oh. Jane sees them kissing. Oh, right, right, right. Jane, because they left the blinds open. Right. We've already established that they're in like an office meeting during work hours during work hours and Jane sees them and she's like, hmm. That night at Paul's house, he ordered Chinese food and he's having dinner there with Matt and Matt's like, I could cook for you. And he's like, well, what about tomorrow night? I'll get the groceries. And Paul's explaining to Matt that his wife left in such a hurry that she left all her shit and that's why her shit's still there. He has an excuse for everything. And then he starts talking about like each antique in the house. He's like, in these candlesticks were bought in London in 1874. See this stamp here on them? Matt's like, cool. At Mackenzie Hart, everyone is out of the office except for Jane and Richard. It's like nighttime and she confronts him in the office and she's wearing a very cute black mini dress and she's like, I saw you guys kissing. Yeah. And he's like, look, Jane, we built this company together. What you saw was affection between friends and she goes, really? And then she said, well, did you tell your friend that we spent the night together? And he says, well, look, I'm the CEO and she's the name of the company. So basically it's my job to kiss her. This is not a good reason. This makes no sense to me. I'm still kind of like, can you spell it out to me? Were you married? Are you now divorced? Is it your mom? Yes. Is this really your mom? Who is this? Are you married to your mom? Like, why is it like? I also feel like does Jane must know the company lore or whatever, like, right, that they started the company together. Like, also, they started the company together, but she's supposed to be so much older than him. Like, I just want more. It's wild that they're not clarifying this for me. Did she start the company and then she brought him in and then they got married? That's what I think. But they're not saying that. They need to say it. This is Melrose's place. It's not that big of a deal. Just tell us. This isn't HBO. We need exposition here. Yes. So Jane is like, "I have no intention of playing the other woman, especially when you're not married." And then they kiss. Why'd she fuck them the day before? Because she literally said, "Here's how it would be to be with a young woman. You deserve to be with a younger woman." So she obviously knew they were in a relationship, right? Or had a relationship. Yeah, right? I guess. Meanwhile, Alison has just boarded a plane in Hong Kong to fly back to LA. And she is trauma-dumping to the passenger next to her. This was like a sitcom scene. This woman was a scene. She's like, "And then Billie, Billie, now he's getting married to Brooke and she worked at the company. I was just a mess." And this woman's like, "Wow." Yeah. And there's like all these like flight delay, like things are being delayed, right? Well, we get an announcement that Captain Mason announced me is like, "The plane's experiencing problems. This is a Boeing. We have to return to the gate. And it's going to take four hours for us to fix this." And this is probably already a really long flight. Yeah. This is going to be like at least 13 hours, 13, 4. So she's barely going to get in time for the wedding, right? And we don't even know what day it's going to be when she gets in, because like she's crossing the international date line. She's going to so sweaty and gross when she shows up. Dude, I flew out of Japan on Christmas Eve in the evening. I arrived back in California on Christmas Eve in the morning. That's crazy. I was like awake for like 40 hours or something. Oh my God. It was nuts. Anyway, Alison's freaking out. They like invite all the passengers to hang out in the first class lounge. And she's like, "I'm not going to make it." At the Beverly Hills doctor's party, Kimberly is very horny for Peter. He's like, "Not now. I'll fuck you later." And he's really pouring it on thick. And she's like, "Oh, Peter, I've had a lot of demons in my life, but now that you've come around, they're all gone." Oh, poor Kimberly. Then Michael shows up with Sydney, he's like, "Hey, what's going on?" They all exchange barbs with each other. And Kimberly's like, "Excuse me, I have to go to bathroom." I want to see these two double date until the end of time. Kimberly goes into the bathroom and immediately the man shows up. And he's like, "Kimberly, look at all these haters and losers. You need to kill them." And she's like, "Please, let me just have Peter. Please just let me have him. I'll do whatever you want." And then Sydney opens the door, but she doesn't walk into the bathroom all the way. She hears Kimberly talking to herself, so she needs to eavesdrop. Of course. And she overhears Kidney saying, "I'll kill Michael, Sydney, and Amanda, I'll kill them all." And she's like, "Oh, shit, I'm on that list." Yeah. What about Matt? She didn't say Matt. He was in the montage, "Do you get cut?" The next day it brooks, the wedding is being set up, and Billy visits Brooke in bed in her Laura Ashley room. Okay, this room was insane, and I literally would have died for it as a child. We talked about this room. I feel like that we got a really good glimpse of it this time. We saw it all. Everything is upholstered, and every fabric in the room is the same fabric. It's all this rose print, this pink rose print, and we really got a nice close-up of the bedspread. No, I was loving seeing this room in full glory, with those pillow, those shams that are roughly on the edges. Yeah. Yes. You know that bed skirt is crazy? Yes. And the balance. The balance curtain, yeah. She needs Billy to reassure her that he loves her, and he does, and then they start going at it. At the medical board hearing, Michael recants his statements about Peter. He's like, "He's a fine physician, and this lady's just trying to sue. She's a money grubber." And then Amanda testifies, and she's like, "Peter's license must be revoked, and if you don't revoke it, I'm going to sue everyone in this room." Now, if that's all, I have a wedding to get to. I like that they're having this hearing on a Saturday. Right. Did you also like how Amanda was wearing a cream blush-colored dress to someone else's wedding? Amanda catches Peter on her way out and Kimberly, Peter and Kimberly are canoodling, and she says, "Frankly, I thought you'd have better taste to Kimberly." I mean, I don't know why she thinks that. Before the wedding starts, all the guests have arrived, and Jane introduces Billy to Richard Hart. I love that she brings Richard Hart to a wedding, like a week after meeting him. But you just fucked him. By the way, I'm obsessed with Jane's dress. She looks so cute at this wedding. This is like a lilac, sleeveless dress, like a form-fitting dress with this net overlay, also lilac, that has like a bit of a sparkle to it. It had some kind of clear sequence. Right. She didn't do it. It kind of reminds me of Sydney's lilac suit a few episodes ago. It's a similar color. Yeah. I was wondering if it's a Jane Mitzi to sign her lil lilac collection. If that's a Jane Mitzini design, she ate with that. Yeah. I love this dress. Amanda, I'm sorry, first Billy talks to Jake and Amanda. Amanda also looks great. She's wearing this satin dress that I mentioned before. It's like a blush nude color. Yeah. It looks great. Yeah. Amanda says to Billy, "I'm so glad you outgrew your masochistic obsession with Aliceman." And Jake's like, "Amanda, it's just wedding." I also love that Jake and Amanda are together at the wedding. I know they're like best man and what's it called? Made of honor. But I just think they're such a couple. Yeah. They're good. Amanda says hi to Jane and she meets Richard and then she says to Jane, "Wow." And just yesterday you were bankrupt. Look at you now. And Amanda respects Jane that Jane pulled this off for sure. Billy talks to Haley and Haley's a real creep. He's like, "My daughter is used to getting what she wants and now it's your turn." Since you weren't my first choice for Brooke, I expect you to make her extra happy. If you do anything to hurt my little girl, I'm going to take it all away from you. I'll bounce you from VP to street sweeper. And Billy's like, "Oh, yeah? You cut it out." He's like, "If you do anything, you're going to have me to deal with." Yeah. Billy stands up to him and he's like, "Oh, I respect that." But I don't like you. I don't like you. But you got balls, kid. At the hospital, Paul tells Matt he has to work late. Did Matt not get an invitation? Yeah. That's crazy. That's mean. You got to invite everyone from the place. Why would Matt not be invited? Joe's invited. You would think did Joe show up because he was like, "Don't come," then to her. I thought she was there. Maybe she is there. I don't remember. But you're right. Because we don't even get a line where it's like, "Oh, man, I can't. I want to serious shift that day. I don't know why Matt wouldn't be able to bail from work." It's not like a doctor, but like, "No, that is weird." That's mean. Maybe they threw it together so last minute. I don't know. Matt was like, "Have fun." Yeah. I don't even want to go. Yeah. I can't get married. Fuck it. Yeah. Fuck you guys. I'm proud of Matt. Yeah. He took a stand against this stupid wedding. Let's put it on Matt turning them down so it's not as bad. That's my head cannon. Yes. Is that he was like, "Sorry, I don't want to see you two loser breeders get married." No. I got my own issues at the hospital with my sort of X breeder guy. So Paul is like, "I have to work late," but he bought all the groceries and they're at the house so Matt can go there early and start cooking. That is not a hot day. I bought all the groceries. You can go early and cook me dinner. He's your hired help. I would just not be. It's like that's what Matt would offer you. You don't make that for him to do. Right. That's crazy. Yeah. Even if you're cooking for someone, it's fun to have them there. If it's a date, you have conversation and you're talking to them. I don't know. This is wild. Or they have drinks while you're cooking. Yeah. To make him go early by himself at your house? I don't know. I feel a PM. No. I feel a PM. Of course, Matt's like, "Okay." Yeah. He's like, "I'm really looking forward to that leg of lamb." And Matt's like, "Oh, the alarm?" No. Oh, yeah. Matt asked about the alarm. Yeah. And Paul's like, "Yeah, no problem. It's not even on." So we know something's going to happen with that alarm. We know that alarm's going to go off. Yeah. Peter and Kimberly are at his house and she's horny and the phone rings and it's good news. The medical board is letting him keep his license. Yeah. And he's like, "Let's fuck." And he's like, "No, no. We can't fuck now. I have to focus on getting my job back at Wilshire Memorial." This was sad. She deflates. She's so horny and he literally pushes or basically pushes her off. He's like, "No." Why was she also giving like woman on safari in the 1940s with this out like woman on safari or like going on an expedition but she took her safari jacket off and she just has like a man's tank top underneath. I don't know. I feel like he could have been a little less obvious here. Well, yeah. This is like, you got to just fuck her this one more time. Or at least say to, at least say, "I'm exhausted. I'm emotionally drained. Can I get a rain check?" Or whatever. So he's some tears out. Something. But he's just so abrupt about it. And so she leaves and she's still outside the door and we see Sydney is posted outside in a car and she says into a cell phone, she just came out of Peters. And then we hear Peter on the phone and Kimberly stops to listen. And Peter is talking so loudly by the window where the door is. Okay. He doesn't even let the door shut before he's making this phone call. No, we hear him in his call as she's shutting the door. Like you can't wait five fucking minutes to hear her car leave? That's so funny to me. So he, he says, he leaves a message and he says, "Amanda, it's Peter. Please don't erase this before we're listening to it. Seeing you today made me realize how much I miss you in my life and I want to get back together." So the exact worst thing for Kimberly to hear. Yeah. And she's like, "Oh." And then Sydney, we cut back to Sydney who's, she's talking to Michael at the hospital. And he's like, "If she does anything incriminating, let me know." And then we cut back to Kimberly and she's in her car like getting ready to leave and we see the man come back. And he's like, "You see, they're all against you. It's time." And now she's like, "Yes." She doesn't say it, but we know. Right. We know. This was the final straw. And then we see Sydney tailing Kimberly. She's like, "I got a follower." Sydney's on the case. I love when Sydney's a little private eye. Yeah. And at the airport, Alison grabs a cab and he tells the cab driver to go to Brook's house. She's like, "To the wedding. Hurry." Lady, where is it? Step on it. I feel, God, this must be an annoying drive. LA traffic from Westchester to Pasadena. Also she surely hasn't accounted for the traffic. Do you know what I mean? No, this is going to be an hour and a half drive at least. No, there's no way she would have made it in real life. Right. Yeah. And plus her pits are probably funky. Oh, she must stink, right? Yes, she is. There's no way. She must smell so ripe. She just left as soon as possible. She just got off of a 14-hour flight plus all the delay time sitting in a fucking stinky airplane. She hasn't showered in 36 hours. And she's been on the go. And on the go. And stressed. That lady speed stick is like... She's stressed sweating. We don't even know if that's working. No, she probably used an organic deodorant. She used toms of mane. Yeah. Do you remember when toms of mane was like the only natural deodorant in the game? Yeah. Of course. Yeah. Native is much better. But they've improved the natural deodorants, I will say. I agree. Because I remember toms of mane in the 90s and trying to use it and being like, "This sucks." Yeah. No, it was terrible. Anyway. So, Allison's going to the wedding and Matt is going to the house. Yeah, Matt's going to the house. He's like, "I can't go to the wedding. I have to cook leg of leg." This is honestly homophobic. This is terrible. So Matt arrives at Paul's house and immediately the alarm goes off as soon as he opens the door. He's running around frantically trying to shut it off, but he can't figure out how to shut it off. And he's calling Paul on the cordless phone, but Paul's not picking up. And then he turns around and he sees something in the bedroom. It's a body. He sees legs. Yeah. He sees legs. He's like, "Who's that?" Yeah. And he walks into the bedroom and it's Paul's wife. And she's been bludgeoned with a candlestick by Colonel Mustard. This is a clue-ass death. Okay. I love this because as a child, I was always like, "How do you kill some of the candlestick?" Like I never thought hitting someone with a candlestick. It was always just such a weird instrument of death for me. I agree. Yeah. Because to me, I was picturing just the wax candle and I was like, "Oh, that doesn't seem very hard." Well, because we already had a lead pipe as a hitting thing. Right. So the candlestick was almost redundant in a way. I just was so confused as a child. What are the methods of murder include? The pipe? The candlestick? The rope? The rope? Is there a knife? Is there a poison? A gun? A gun? Who's got to be a gun? A gun's a classic. Because that's when they start running out of things and that's where you get the candlestick in the lead pipe. Yeah. The rope I liked too. Yeah. But you can't... It's like, yeah, because you can't make it too gruesome because it's like a family game. Right. So you can't have like some insane saw trap? You can't have like a chainsaw. We should update Clue for psychopaths. Absolutely. I think it would be a hit. So he sees that Paul's wife is dead and he just instinctively is like, "I got to get out of here." Dude, it must have been really sinking in, right, at that moment. Yeah. Like what the hell. So he starts running for the door but a bunch of cops bust in with their guns drawn and they're like freeze. And he's like, "I didn't do it. I didn't do it." Yeah. Or not. Or not. No D is worth this. They arrest him. At Melrose Place, Joe is wearing a wildly unflattering rust colored sack. And I felt bad writing this after we see the rest of the scene. The even worse thing is after the scene, whenever I was like, "What is she wearing?" Because I was trying to figure out how it was laying because it looked so weird. Oh my God. Now, this scene was horrifying. Jess proposes again, this time with a big diamond ring and she's like, "Where did you get that?" And he's like, "You think I stole it?" And she's like, "I don't know. Maybe we should slow down for a little while." And he's like, "So you want to break up with me?" And then he smacks her hard. Really hard. And she goes to the ground. And she starts running for her life, but he corners her in the dark room and beats the shit out of her. This was so violent for network TV. I felt. These were violent. This is, I'm having a visceral reaction to this. It was so realistic and crazy that this aired. I was like, "Wow." It was chilling. Yeah. At the wedding, Brooke's hair looks like my little pony. Yeah. She's got some tacky ass beating in the hair, too. Yeah. She's got pearls, maybe? I don't know. She's got a floofy, curly pony do. She's got a pearls banana clip. Yeah. It's not a French twist, but it's very banana clip. It's banana clip because remember the curls are up and along the side, back and down. That's why I'm saying it looks like my little pony. But remember when they would really go all out on those banana clips and add all the shit on it? All the shit on it. And pearls and stuff. Yeah. It was like that. But you're like, "It's still a banana clip." Yeah. Because it's like all these curls cascading down the side of her head, but it's also an updo. Yeah. It was not good. Right as they're about to exchange rings, Alison runs up panting. And she's like, "Billy, don't!" And she's literally like in a teal t-shirt and jeans, like not that she would have been dressed. It was just such a funny, like, nothing outfit to be. It's like, "Oh, God. Who's this?" Honestly, sad I wasn't at this wedding. Would love to have been there. Absolutely. So, she starts yelling, like people are like kind of like, there's like security there. And Hailey's like, "Get this woman out of here." And there's like a cut to Amanda. And she's like, "Ooh." Yeah, she's living for this, she's like, "I knew she started drinking again." I just love seeing Amanda's face where she was laughing kind of like. Then Alison starts trying to explain herself, she's like, "Billy broke set this whole thing up. I know you love me. I wrote a letter and I gave it to Brooke and she must have rewritten it." And she's like begging Billy to take her back. Also, everything she's saying makes her look insane. Yeah. And then Billy's like, "Althon, you have to let me go. I'm getting married." Oh. And she's devastated and she leaves and then Jane goes after Alison. And she's like, "Althon, I know you're hurting. Let me give you a ride." And Alison's like, "Fuck you, traitor." She turns drunk, Alex, Alison. But she's not even drunk. She's not even drunk, but it's like that deep rage voice of hers when she was drunk. Yes. She stomps off and then she turns around when Wright is like the wedding walking back down the aisle music place and sees like Brooke and Billy kissing. Now they're officially married and she is crushed. Later, Brooke and Billy leave the wedding for their honeymoon. Brooke is wearing a blush colored skirt suit. And I have to tell you, Desi, even though I never like necessarily wanted to be like a bride when I was a little girl, but I did have fantasies about wearing a skirt suit with a pillbox hat leaving my wedding with the girl. In the car. And going in the car to Tahiti, yeah. That's true. I always thought this skirt suit aspect, like, "Oh, that's what you wear." You get to new travel. When you travel. But when you're leaving immediately for your honeymoon, you wear like a cunty little skirt suit and a pillbox hat. I do like the idea of just leaving your party to go off and travel. And everyone else continues. And everyone's like, "Bye." And you're like, "Let's get out of here." Yeah. "Let's have sex in the limo." Yeah. And they also have like, it's not even a limo. It's like one of those old Studebaker limos. It's like a Rolls Royce or something. They're headed to Hawaii, but first they have to stop at Melrose Place to get their plane tickets. Because Billy fucking forgot them. This is why modern technology is so good. Because you don't have to worry about fucking tickets. Yeah. Kimberly shows up at Melrose Place and no one's there because they're all at the wedding or in jail, and it's always incapacitated, which is not funny, but like, she arrived at the perfect time. Timing could not have been better for Kimberly, except for Sydney, who's been tailing Kimberly. So she arrives shortly after. And she watches as Kimberly takes some bags of shit down into the laundry room. Okay, but Kimberly very clearly has huge gas cans. She also has gas cans. And this is what blew my mind that Sydney doesn't immediately go call the police and instead follows her down into the basement. Well, it's like, clearly something sinister is up when you have gas cans. Dude, why did she do this? Go to shooters and use the payphone. You idiot. This is, I couldn't believe that this was how it went down because I didn't have a memory of this. But it's like, they didn't have to have her see the gas cans, at least like, no, she decides to follow Kimberly down into the laundry room where Kimberly has splayed out dynamite. And she's like making bombs. Yeah. And then Kimberly sees Sydney and knocks her out. Okay, because this is the type of entryway to a basement laundry room where you see the legs coming before you see the head. And she was just waiting there with like, whatever, a chair. And she just hits Sydney when she gets down to the bottom, like a wrestler, like Sydney was not able to sneak into this area. No, it was crazy what she did. At Peter's house, he gets a delivery. And it's a bottle of champagne with a note, allegedly from Amanda. And it says, you're right, we need to talk, meet me at my place at six o'clock. Matt is down at the police station getting interrogated. And he's trying to explain that Paul made him a key. And he's like, the alarm wasn't, was supposed to be off. And the cops are like, well, we heard you were stalking him and his wife. And they don't believe him at all. And that's when Paul shows up and he, he gets to go into the interrogation room. I was like, what? And Paul's like, you murdered my wife. You disgusting pervert, explaining football to the friend who's just there for the nachos, hard, tailgating from home like a pro with snacks and drinks everyone will love, any easy win. And with Instacart helping deliver the snack time MVPs to your door, you're ready for the game in as fast as 30 minutes. So you never miss a play or lose your seat on the couch or have to go head to head for the last chicken wing. Help game day favs on Instacart and enjoy $0 delivery fees on your first three gross reorders. Offer valid for a limited time, other fees and terms apply. Expand the way you work and think with Claude by anthropic. Whether brainstorming solo or working with the team, Claude is AI built for you. It's perfect for analyzing images and graphs, generating code, processing multiple languages and solving complex problems. Plus, Claude is incredibly secure, trustworthy and reliable so you can focus on what matters. If you're curious, visit claud.ai and see how Claude can elevate your work. And that's when it hits Matt, finally, he's like, I've been set up. I also like that there was this brief moment where Matt had to be like, I wasn't stalking them. He told me way up by the car, like that was to hit him too, that all that time they were making fun of him inside the house. Oh, yeah. And Matt loses it. This was a great moment for Doug Savant. I mean, finally, he has a good fucking storyline. I know. This is the best storyline he's had ever ever and might ever have. I honestly think it might be like, I don't know if anything will top this. I know that later on in the show, they do him dirty. We won't talk about that right now. That's several more seasons, but this is, if not his best, it's definitely one of his best storylines. Cause it's like up to this point, he's just had some bad relationship type stuff. Nothing on like a Melrose place soap opera level. And this is finally it. They finally gave him something meaty to do. Yes. That night at Melrose place, Sydney is tied up in the laundry room as Kimberly comes back down to tell her, her villain plan. Like she gives the villain speech, she's like, I've planted bombs all over this apartment complex and the first bomb is going to blow up the laundry room. And then she like explains the order of which apartment buildings are going to be bombed. Yes. She says, she's like, I saved the biggest bomb for last, Amanda. When she's going through the list of people, I can't remember who's first, but when she talks about Matt's place, she said, and then Matt's going to take one in the street. Why did she say that? I'm sorry. I have never heard that expression with her something borderline. It is. It is. She's like, what was that? She called Matt a, she called him a perverted little bottom. That's what she called him. He's going to take one in the shorts. Everyone else got a perfectly normal explanation and she has to like mention that Matt's a bottom. He just doesn't get any like, he never, he always gets taken down like a pet catching stress, stress all the time for no reason. And technically he's not even first on her list, right? No, but she, she dehumanizes him even in the explanation. I lost it when she said that because it was so out of nowhere. She then tells Sydney, she orders Sydney to call Michael to tell him to come over to the apartment complex and she threatens Sydney with a blowtorch. She like turns a blowtorch on and she's like, if you don't call him and tell him what I, what I want him to say, I'm going to burn your face off. Yeah. That was scary. I'm like, oh, okay, better call him. And so she calls Michael at the hospital and he's like, what? And he's like, he says, you better be calling to find out what I want for dinner because you're Nancy Drew Act is getting old. He's already over her. Seattle understand this because like he asked her to do this. I know. Michael, if you cannot please this man, no. And she says that she's, she followed Kimberly to the apartment complex and that Kimberly wants to confess to her crimes and he's like, okay, I'll be right there. Peter knocks on Amanda's door and she's not there. And then we see her arrive with Jake. And she's like, what are you doing here, Peter? And he's like, uh, you invited me. He's like, that's a load of crap. And then Joe crawls out of her apartment saying, help me. And Jake takes off like a bullet. Yeah. He runs up the stairs and she's like, Jake, I'm sorry, I should have listened to you. And he is furious to just do this before they can even call the ambulance. He runs off to shooters or to the construction site, I mean, to find Jess. And then, and Peter gets mad at Amanda. He's like, help me. Well, Amanda's just like sitting there like a lump and Peter's trying to carry her into the apartment to tend to her wounds. I like that Peter. It's like, I'm a doctor, even though I'm a psychopath, I still, I promise to do no harm. Push comes to shove. I'm going to take care of people. Yeah. Amanda's not doing anything goes, God damn it, help me. I was almost kind of like, is she like, Oh, meanwhile, Alison is in her apartment looking the best she's looked in this entire series. Right. I'm telling you, she looked so gorgeous here. She is wearing a red satin Chinese robe. Her hair is wet from the shower. And I don't know why, but she looked so sickening because she always looks her best when she's not trying to look put together because I think this has happened before, which she's like a little messy and it looks hot. She looks so good here. And then we see her pull out a big bottle of vodka from a paper bag and I went, Yes. I did too. I said yes, and I was like, this is the only time where I'm actively rooting for someone to get off the wagon. Brilliant Brooke arrived to the complex. Everyone's getting here at the same time. This could not have worked out more perfectly for Kimberly. They arrive at the at the complex and to pick up their plane tickets and Alison sees them walked by her window and she just takes a big old swig. Yeah. They literally drove her to drink. Yeah. I also just love that she comes back and immediately puts on her Hong Kong robe. But she got there. It looked so good. She's upgraded from her, um, cloud and the Sun, yes, she's an adult now at the construction site. Jake shows up and he immediately goes after Jesse's like, he'd like to beat up women. Um, he punches them and he's like, this is our business, Jake. And then they just start punching each other and like rolling around and they're like up on this platform. I didn't even realize they were up high until this is like a bad action movie. No, it was crazy getting into a fight at a construction site and you're in like on like a dangerous. Yeah. Please. I don't know how I miss that they were up high. Yeah. They're up high. And the boss sees them brawling and he's like, Hey, hey, what's going on up there? First you're fucking someone. Now this. And then Jess confesses to hiring the hit man. He's like, yeah, I wish that guy killed you. Yeah. So Jake's fucking pissed now. They're rolling around on the platform pretty close to the edge. And then they're standing up and Jake lunges at Jess and they both go flying off of the side together in slow motion. And that's when I realized they were up high. I was like, oh, I had no idea. They both go, whoa, no, this was like out of a different type of TV show where if they freeze frame. Yes. Yeah. It's like slow motion and then freeze frame. Yeah. I was laughing back at Melrose, Michael finds Sydney in the laundry room and Kimberly knocks him out or tries to. She hits him on the head, but he manages to incapacitate her like pretty quickly. Yeah. Michael and Sydney run out of the laundry room and start shouting and screaming at everyone to get out of the complex because there's a bomb. And then Jane Sydney goes to Jane's and she's like, Jane, you got to get out of here. Kimberly planted a bomb and she's like, Oh, Sydney, what are you. What are you talking about? Give me a break. And then they're just running from apartment to apartment, trying to get everyone out. And then we just cut to Allison, who is sprawled out on the couch, hearing all this commotion and she goes, go away. And she's, I tried to find out what music she was actually listening to and they didn't have a record of it. Oh, I was like, what is it like, silver spring, like some Fleetwood Mac or something. She cranks up the radio to drown out the sound and she is wasted. Dude, I love that she's so wasted already and it's been like 10 minutes since she started drinking. Love it. Mackenzie Hart shows up for some reason, but let's just get everyone in. This is like, yeah, this is the play where they bring the ensemble on stage at the end. No, what's she doing here? I don't even know how she knew Jane's address. I guess on her employment forums or something. Yeah. She shows up. She shows up and she sees Jane with Richard and she says, whore. And that's when Kimberly emerges and she says, wait, you guys, it's not what it looks like. Then she pulls out her remote for the bomb and she says, it's worse. And that's when we cut to black. Such a good cliffhanger. Now, I did, I meant to mention this all the way back from the beginning of the episode when Kimberly is looking at her locker. At some point, she looks around and she's holding her head and there was a post-it note on the locker next to it, which I took a picture of and I completely forgot to mention it during the recap. But the note, I was like, what is that saying? I zoomed in. It says, call your mom. You left her to pay at her house. I have a picture, I have a picture so we can post it. I was like, what the hell? Oh my God, whoever did this set decoration for this episode, I love you. They were having some fun there. It just made me laugh because we had just talked about two pays too. Yeah. On the main episode. And on Hollywood crime scene. Yes. Oh, right. Sorry. People listen to this show independently of Hollywood crime scene. Yeah. If you do, we have another podcast. Yeah, we have another podcast and it's way more popular than this one, but we do this one for the love of the game. Yeah. So yeah, that note killed me and I completely forgot to mention it, but yeah, great episode. Everyone had a good storyline. Everyone had a good storyline. There were so many good outfits in this episode. Like I said, I've said this before, not today, but I'm very excited about Billy's arc, like what happens to Billy after this. Yeah. That brings me joy. Because next season is very good too. Oh, it's excellent. It's excellent. So a lot more good stuff to come. And we'll be back next week with season four, episode one. Bye. This episode is brought to you by progressive insurance. You chose to hit play on this podcast today. Smart choice. Make another smart choice with auto quote explorer to compare rates from multiple car insurance companies all at once. Try it at progressive.com progressive casualty insurance company and affiliates. Not available in all states or situations, prices vary based on how you buy. Hey there. It's varnish terabi, host of the So Money podcast. Imagine having a super smart and reliable virtual friend to help you guide your finances. Well, besides me. 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It's the season 3 finale and so much happens!

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