807: Eight Fights
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A quick warning - there are curse words that are unbeeped in today's episode of the show. If you prefer a beeped version, you can find that at our website, thisamericanlife.org. From WBZChicago, it's this American life on our class. Back in the winter of 2022, in the days and weeks before Russia invaded Ukraine, there's one thing that most Ukrainians and most Russians had in common. They both insisted that war was impossible or was unbelievable. One reason it was unbelievable is that many families, possibly most families on either side of the border, have family members in the other country. Many Russians have some Ukrainian roots. Many Ukrainians have spent time living in Russia. Even President Zelensky, like many Ukrainians, grew up speaking Russian. He had a career in Russia, starred in Russian movies, performed comedy for Russian audiences, even Putin's seen him perform, called him a good actor years ago. When Russians did start the war, it wasn't just on the battlefield, or in the airspace over Ukrainian cities, it was within families. This is something I had no idea about. The way a conflict like this might take the normal disagreements between people and blow them up. When you think about it, like, of course, right? It was the writer Masha Gessen, who explained this to me. Masha was born in Moscow, moved to the United States as a teenager with their family. They moved back to Russia as an adult to work as a journalist. They've written several books, now currently a staff writer at the New Yorker. What Masha has put together today is a very unusual story where they try to capture what this is like by looking at one family, and the fights they get into related to the war. What you're about to hear is one family and eight fights. Here's Masha. In normal times, we keep the peace in families by letting things go, by accommodating, by forgetting things, or pretending not to notice things. But when the war starts, even the quietest, most conflict-avoidant people start fighting. Just before the war began, on February 21, 2022, two people sat at a long dining table in a Moscow apartment. These are my friends Naja and Karan. They're at the center of this constellation of people I'm going to tell you about. I've known Naja the longest, since she was a college student in Moscow about twenty-five years ago. She was tall, blonde, butch, very cool. She still is. Soon after graduating in 2003, she moved to Kiev. And there's Karan. A gay man, a friend I've known through many relationships. Twelve years ago, Karan and Naja had a baby together. They lived in different countries, but it didn't seem like a big deal. Karan was in Moscow, Naja in Ukraine, and Kiev. So their son, Luca, was growing up in Kiev, but regularly visited his dad in Moscow. And on this night, all three of them were in Karan's apartment in Moscow. Luca had gone to bed. The adults were watching a speech by Vladimir Putin. Putin was declaring war. So Karan and Naja had a fight.
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