690: Too Close to Home
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A quick warning, there are curse words that are unbeeped in today's episode of the show. If you prefer a beeped version, you can find that at our website, thisamericanlife.org. We're all getting kind of old in my family, and when we get together for the holidays, there's never any drama anymore. It used to be. I avoided coming home for years, all through my twenties and early thirties, because my parents and I were not getting along so well. Part of the problem was me, in my early twenties, I was harsh and judgy, and said lots of things that now I went to and have apologized for, but part of the problem was them. They did not agree with most of my big life choices, starting with, and especially the fact that I worked in public radio. During that period, I was working for the NPR news shows, all things considered, morning edition, and my parents were completely against it. I've said this before, and my parents hated when I say this, but my parents are the only Jews in America who don't like public radio. The stories were too long, it seemed second rate to them. If I wanted to be a journalist, why wasn't I on TV? Why was I settling for this place that paid me so little? The money was a huge thing. My dad is an accountant, does all our taxes, and so he knew what I made and couldn't quite believe it. I could still earn a good living somewhere. I could still be a doctor. So coming home for the holidays, sometimes my dad would pull me aside. Sometimes you would bring it up during dinner at a crowded table. Then I quit these jobs I love, and finally go to med school. It's not too late, my parents pleaded with me well into my thirties. My mom, officially, kind of half joking, half serious, gave up the effort when I was 41, and had been hosting this American life for five years. But for so long, my dad especially would express his love and concern for me when I came home by questioning, you know, the basics. Where I lived, how I lived, how I dressed, how my hair looked, who I fell in love with, why wasn't I more of a success. To be clear, he wasn't mean, he wasn't angry, he was just very, very concerned. My sister's Randy and Karen, they got their own versions of this. So holidays, yeah, things would get very tense. Which is to say, we were a normal family, but now it couldn't be more different. My mom died over a decade ago. My dad's in his 80s, in the last couple of years he's had a lot of hearing loss. It's harder to interact with him. He is not the critical questioning man he once was. I go home now, and nothing's bothering him about me, and he needs to get off his chest. He's been trained over the years to say, I love you when we talk on the phone or see each other, and he actually seems to mean it, he's lovely. But I am not used to this milder, gentler version of the overworked, stressed out dad that I grew up with. It's like that guy, I don't know, dissolved away that whole side of his personality, leaving another man standing there. And I have to say, is this bad to admit? Sometimes I miss that other guy.
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