676: Here’s Looking at You, Kid
This episode appears to contain dynamically inserted ads. Transcript timestamps may be approximate.
A quick warning, there are curse words that are unbeeped in today's episode of the show. If you prefer a beeped version, you can find that at our website, thisamericanlife.org. Gary did not want to become a football player, no interest in the game at all. He was a timid kid, a kind of kid who, in baseball, would cause his eyes when he was up at bat. He was so scared of getting hit by the ball. But when you're in high school, you know, your personality is still up for grabs. And at Gary's high school, there was not one person but two people with a very different vision of who he was. They were assistant high school football coaches and very noticeable big personalities, and they were twins. And I didn't really know their name, I'd seen them around, they were super handsome and in great shape. I mean, they were ripped and they would wear gold gym tank tops and jams, these shorts, they would wear those, and they had really long hair, and they were very charming, charismatic, funny, and they were known as the Jetsons, which was this self-proclaimed nickname. I think the way they called themselves the Jetsons, they referred to themselves. Yeah, because the Jetsons were people from the future and they felt that they were like that. They were definitely the first people I ever noticed who referred to themselves and that is it the third person? Yeah. So the Jetsons are coming to get you, the Jetsons will see you, the Jetsons, that's what they would say. Sometimes they would say, "Johnny Jetson will be with you today, Joe Jetson will be with you tomorrow." They're like magical figures. And these magical figures, these assistant football coaches, they gave Gary his own nickname in the fall of junior year. It was not a glittery name like the Jetsons, kind of the opposite actually. Yes, they called him, as in waste of talent to like gold man to playing football. They told him that football would get him a college scholarship, it would get him girls. They said the newspaper would write about him. They weren't on the team so badly because Gary was a giant, it came right to most of the kids playing football back then. This was the Peabody, Massachusetts, Boston suburb near Salem in the late 80s. Most high school players back then were 5'9", 5'10", Gary was 6'6", 200 pounds, and he was athletic. But basketball and his high school team, those coaches scolded him for his complete lack of aggression and for crying. What he really loved doing was art projects, going to the arts and craft store, reading, he kept an enormous stuffed animal collection in his room, even in high school. He was also pretty depressed at the time. Gary's a comedian today, Gary Goldman. And on stage, when he tries to describe what he was like as a kid, I talk about being Charlie Brown. I say picture of my childhood, Charlie Brown, if Snoopy had died, that was my childhood. I felt so sorry for him. I identify. Charlie Brown.
Transcription truncated.