666: The Theme That Shall Not Be Named
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A quick warning, there are curse words that are unbeeped in today's episode of the show. If you prefer a beeped version, you can find that at our website, thisamericanlife.org. This is prayer hotline that a group called the Satanic Missionary Society of Olympia, Washington, started. It's like a regular prayer hotline except of course instead of praying to God, you leave a voicemail message and then they'll pray to Satan for you. If you want the poster message to the internet, so others will also pray to Satan for you, and with almost no publicity, like from the very start people called, like this was serving a need that was just waiting for some forward-thinking, devilish entrepreneur, people definitely had stuff that they wanted that you can't turn to God for. Hey, how's it going? Basically, a couple about a month or two ago, my apartment got robbed, I still haven't figured anything out or any of my stuff is at. Basically, I just want the people who stole my shit to, you know, chocolate for it. That's fair enough, I think. Thanks. Hello, Satan, that's everywhere. I'm calling to put a hack on the 1230 Club in Olympia, Washington because they're just assholes because they start blasting the music earlier every night, maybe it's eat tonight and they're already starting at 6 in the evening. Please make the 1230 Club go out of business, but make sure everybody that works there go stuff like from playing the music so loud first, hail Satan. Hello, I would like all of my enemies to suffer, thank you. Really does not get more concise than that last one. The people call us a joke, one got called to ask for one more Shrek sequel, there's an occasional drunk dial to Satan, I have a very satanic day, and the people who don't seem to understand the difference between the stuff you should be asking Satan for and the stuff you ask God for. Hello, Paul Satan, I'm calling for you to help me, I have an interview tomorrow, I'm trying to get my first job ever, I'm 16, so please pray to our God Lord and hopefully I might get this job. Thank you, Paul Satan. There's a teenager who calls to ask for a hex on a tattle town named Matt, if my message ends with the most cheerful hail Satan I have ever heard. Thank you, hail Satan. I think one of my favorite things about these calls is to hear people just toss it off so casually, like that's the thing we say. Thank you and hail Satan, have a great day. We can't even love you hail Satan, good night. But in the end, the meat and potatoes of this public service phone line is vengeance and relief, or at least the level of vengeance you can get with a phone call, the kind of relief you get by wishing for something. Hail Satan, this is **** and I would like to put a hex on **** because he's a really big asshole, and all my friends hate him, and he told me that he was going to kill me, my daughter and my cat, and he poured piss all over my car and my front porch and he's just a piece of ****. Please put a hex on him, hail Satan. Hi guys, I'm a teenager and I am really in a sticky situation. I need you guys to pray that, well, I think I'm pregnant and I need you guys to pray against the pregnancy, and if there is a baby inside of me for Satan to kill it because I can't
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