211: Naming Names
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When you name names, when you snitch, when you drop a dime, when you shop somebody, when you're a canary or a rat or a stool pigeon, when you squeal or when you tattle, often you prefer to remain anonymous. And so, the next voice that you're going to hear is somebody whose name you will never know, and when her story begins, she is just another hapless, near-sighted citizen like you and me. I went to get laser vision correction, and following the surgery, one of my eyes turned out totally fine, but the other one had a problem, double vision. So that was just kind of strange, and under the contract, they tell you in the agreement that it may not turn out perfectly, but within the first year, if there are any problems, you are offered free touch-ups for the procedure. So she waited several months after the first surgery for her eyes to heal, did everything her doctor said she should, she even went to a second eye doctor who checked her out, told her no big deal, she was an easy case, tell your regular doctor to sit you in the chair, set the laser to these coordinates, second doctor actually gave her the right settings, and you will be all patched up. So, she makes an appointment for surgery with her original doctor. And on the day of, I was very shocked, I was told by the doctor that I could not get the surgery after all, and that he was recommending a totally different course of treatment. He wanted me to press, like to close my eyes, and then press my thumb on my eyelid a couple times a day, which just seemed a little odd to me. You think that like science had gotten further than that? Exactly, that just seemed bizarre. So I questioned him about it, and he started to get very agitated, and he was talking about how he was an expert in this field, and you know, he knew what he was doing. And, you know, if I went to any other eye doctor anywhere else who was an expert in the field, they would tell me the exact same thing. And so I brought up the fact that I had the second opinion, and he got more upset. His voice just got really loud, and just saying like really weird things. He started bringing up the fact that he had a lawsuit, he started bringing up how everyone wants to be like Michael Jordan, but not everyone can. It was bizarre, he was just throwing out all these weird statements. Wait, wait, wait, he was bringing up the fact that he had a lawsuit? Yes, he did. He's saying that he tries to help people, but he tried to help this person, and now he's getting sued for it, because it didn't turn out well. You get the picture, he yells, she cries, she quietly notices that all of his other patients, like her, are immigrants, and she wonders if he's just in business to take advantage of people, that he's just going to stall her, so the year is run out for her free touch up, so she'll have to pay. They call the AMA, they like to complaint with the Better Business Bureau, they call the Department of Professional Practices, nothing gets results. It's frustrating. Months go by, and remember, she is still seeing double every minute she's awake. So I was very upset, and weirdly enough, I was talking about this with my therapist, and she was the one who suggested getting revenge. She said that a great way to mess with someone's head, even though you don't necessarily see the results, was to call the IRS on them. You called the IRS on the guy? I did write a letter, I did write three letters, in fact. Okay, let us just say here's straight up, that this is very, very wrong, there's no two ways about it, starting with the fact that for a therapist to instruct a patient on how to mess with someone's head, is pretty much a prima facia violation of the Hippogratic Oath. If therapists even take the Hippogratic Oath, but she did not stop there. And then the other thing that she suggested was to call building violations on him. Basically, calm the city. Yeah, which she said was another great way to mess with someone's head, because she's saying that no matter how stupid the offense is or how minor it is, you just have to fix it. He had messed with her, he had been imperious, he had been immovable and irrational, and now he would face the most imperious, immovable, irrational, felt imaginable, the government of the United States of America. In its federal and local manifestations, there would be auditors, he would have to locate old financial papers. Meanwhile, the building inspectors would have him spending hours on hold waiting for this office or that office to tell him what forms and permits you know what I'm talking about here. And yes, this is wrong, very, very tragically wrong, but who among us has not been in some situation where the phone company or some contractor or the doctor, whoever has messed with us enough, that we won't revenge. I think there are lots of us who would feel like this woman in that situation, we would call in the feds and we would not feel bad about it. Either I don't have a conscience, I just am so firm in my belief that he deserves it. That in fact he deserves it, and you ignore the recourse. Right. Now, I have to say, I think this kind of case is very rare, I think usually, usually, when people turn in other people to the government, there is a twinge of guilt, or often more than a twinge. Today on our radio program, we bring you several stories of people who named names, and in all the stories, the accuser is just as torn up about it as the accused. From W.B.E.C. Chicago, It's This American Life, distributed by Public Radio International. I'm Aaron Glass, our program today in three revelatory acts, act one, how Britain nearly saved America. In that act, John Ronson tells the true story of his personal role in a post-September 11th news crisis that you are very familiar with. And his misgivings about his role. That too, one crucible leads to another. In that act, a conversation from 1952, as the House Un-American Activities Committee was asking people to squeal on communist friends and colleagues, and how even today it is hard to agree on what was set in private. Act three, beating the erasers, how a small town in Tennessee rose up against a few middle-aged grade school teachers, very recently, stay with us. Act one, how Britain nearly saved America. Well, John Ronson has appeared on our program before. Over the last few years, he has done a series of documentaries for British television about political and religious extremists, stories that are remarkable because they are often surprisingly funny, given the subject matter. And he tells this story which occurred in the immediate wake of September 11th. It was October, and anthrax scares and terrible anthrax news where everyday occurrences, John was in London at the time, where he lives. On a Saturday night last October, my friend and producer, John Sargent, called me.
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