129: Advice
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Jamie used to ask for Adam's advice, but he didn't want Adam's advice. Back in high school, they'd go on these long walks, and Jamie would tell Adam, his best friend, about his various crushes. The crushes were usually on girls who shared two particular qualities. Number one, they were usually really, really pretty. And number two, they had no interest in Jamie whatsoever. You know, he'd say, like, God, I spent the weekend with Jung, and, you know, I kept on wanting to kiss her, but I couldn't kiss her, and every time I thought I could go and kiss her, she'd say, "You know, I really think I want to go out with Hampton." And he'd say, "What should I do, you know? She wants me to go to this party next week. Should I go?" I would have nothing to say. I wouldn't know what in the world to say. And so he would say, "I don't want advice from you. I want advice from Yakov." Yakov? Yakov. Yakov was a commando in the Israeli army, which meant that for years, in his job, he was dropped from a helicopter into the Mediterranean, swam ashore, usually into Lebanon, break into a building, rescue hostages. That was his job. Adam got to know him one summer. It is really summer army camp. He was the idealized vision of manhood. I mean, I remember specifically in the Golan, which is the beautiful mountainous region in the north of Israel. We were hiking. And we were talking about different musicians in America, and my friend said, "What do you think of Billy Joel?" And Yakov said, "He's soft." I mean, up till that second, I really liked Billy Joel. I think I owned every one of his albums. I probably knew all the songs by heart. And literally from that second to right now, I can't listen to Billy Joel. Every time I listen to it, I'm like, "That is so soft, man. Why is he so soft?" So anyway, so Jamie would ask me advice as Yakov, and it would be a switch this fast. I mean, he'd say, "What should I do?" I'm like, "I don't know, man." And then he'd say, "Well, I want to hear from Yakov." And right away, I would just say, "Listen, Jung wants a man, and you are playing like a child. So until you show her a man, how will she want you?" You know, he would say, "Listen, this party is coming on Saturday. What you are doing is telling Jung, "Ask her, am I going with you, or am I just coming to the party?" If she says, "You're just coming to the party," you say, "Listen, Jung, I like you. I want to be with you. So you must be very specific.
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