This American Life - 42: Get Over It!

Broadcast on: 15 Nov 1996

from PRI public radio international from PRI public radio public radio public radio international from WBS Chicago it's this American life. It was Danielle's cousin Lillian who said it best. She said that Danielle and I had put ourselves into the kind of situation that 1,000 comedies had been built on. Situation comedies, screwball comedies, every kind of TV, theater, movie, drama thing. We had done that. We had done that to ourselves. And how did we not, how did we not know? Here we were. Danielle and I, we used to be involved and it was our first time together as just friends. Just friends, just friends. You know you're, you're in trouble when the word just appears in front of the word friend. I mean it's almost hard to think of a context where those two words are used together. A sentence constructed unless using the word just in some radically different way. Like I think the just, I think the verdict was just friends may disagree. Like if there's a, you know, if they have nothing to do with each other maybe, maybe it's okay. But, but, but, but. Because automatically, you know, it implies a negotiations happening. Just friends. Friends. Friends is like a state of being. Friends is like, you know, there's a road, there are houses, people are friends, you know. So when you put just in front of it, it suggests the imbalance. And that's where you get the screwball comedy aspect. Alright, I'm going to try to keep the mundane personal information to a minimum here so we can focus on the bigger universal truths the story may offer. Briefly, some, some facts though. Okay, Daniel and I have been broken up for half a year. And she lived in New York City, I lived in Chicago, and we talked on the phone several times a week. In other words, that kind of weird post relationship situation where, you know, there's no more sex, but you sort of depend on each other for all your emotional needs. So, you know, kind of all the work of the relationship, but none of the sheer physical pleasure, that's kind of, that was her thing. Anyway, so two days before I came to New York City to visit friends there, real friends, not just friends, just normal friends. And Daniel, she informs me that there's a guy that she had started dating. I like them, she said. I really like them. And then, two days later, I found myself in New York City. And, um, you know, your wish in this kind of situation is you want a sense of, okay, gonna be friends, it's gonna be okay, we're gonna see how this new thing between us feels. And, um, we're trying to hang out and be buddies, you know. And that's how we ended up in Sax Fifth Avenue. We're the first moment of our screwball comedy weekend occurred. So, you know, we're walking through that big cold-forward Fifth Avenue store and the mannequins everywhere. And, and Klein and and Klein to and and Klein contemporaries. There are actually three different and kind departments at Sax Fifth Avenue and all the other designers. And it wasn't too crowded and it wasn't too empty. And she was walking ahead of me. Just a step or two ahead of me, never quite meeting my eye. And I realized, oh, that's why this has been for like an hour or two, isn't it? When we're walking up the street, it was like that she wasn't quite meeting my eye. She wasn't quite talking to me. She was like, she's holding a certain emotional distance. And that's the thing that gets to you. It's not the big picture. No, we're not together. No, we have no future together. It's a little picture. No. You won't be my eyes anymore. And in each of our histories of love, who has no eye played both parts in this drama? You know, both parts. Who hasn't been both people in this picture at one time or another? The person walking a little briskly ahead, not meeting the eye of the other person. And the person walking behind. You know, a little over eager, a little extra edge of anxiousness wanting to make the connection a little bit like an

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