31: When You Talk About Music
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From W.B. E.C. Chicago, it's "This American Life" from Ira Glass. And each week on our show we choose a theme, invite writers and performers of all kinds to do stories on that theme. And usually, somewhere near the top of the show, I tell you what the theme is, and give you a little road map of what's coming up in the hour. But I think that today it's going to be more interesting if we just start right in on the first act and let things unfold for a while before I give it a name, before I tell you what the theme is. So, our first story is by Dale Orlando Smith. It's originally from her obi award-winning show, "Beauty's Daughters," and was recorded at a variety show here in Chicago called "Milly's Orchid Show." Before we begin the story, two quick caveats. Number one, some of the language might not be suitable for younger listeners, though as you'll hear we've beeped out the nasty-ass words. And number two, and usually I would never point something like this out. You need to know that Dale is a woman, an African-American woman. And I point this out because if I didn't, you wouldn't be able to enjoy what the audience in the theater with her gets to enjoy, which is the pleasure of watching her complete transformation into this loudmouth white guy. So, here's Dale Orlando Smith. Hey, ah, Jerry, how you doing, buddy, how you doing, Lorraine, you looking good on me, look at you, honey, look at you, honey, how's it going, all right? Johnny Black, nectar of the gods. Oh, man, I got you lying today with shit. Yeah, yeah, I know every day, shit, but today was really shit, you know, so f***ing busy. See, everybody I know who works in the fish market, right, because my clothes are getting f***ing ruined here. Everybody I know who works in the fish market, the clothes are f***ing gone. And I tell you, Ellen, I can't stand the door to go and home, right, and I just can't. I said, Teresa's getting fatter and fatter, ain't 'cause she's pregnant 'cause I don't touch this bitch. Whoa, whoa, whoa, I'm cold for saying that? Why am I cold? Lenny, let me explain something. No, please, please, please, listen to me, Lenny, I'm 31 years old, I'm married 12 years. I got seven kids. I'm a young man, I'm f***ing trapped, and T.T. is the laziest bitch in the world. I'm like, hear me out, hear me out, here she is, 28 years old, looking 50. The problem is, the problem is I'm married too quick. My cousin Jimmy says to me, she says, "Aunty, don't get married so quick. Use toy young, go out, get laid, have a piss, sir." But of course, I don't listen, right, I don't listen. So this is where I am today. Come here, I want to tell you something. Come here, I want to tell you something, come here, motherf***, don't f***ing me, come here, I'm married, come here, come here, come here, come here, come here, come here, come here, come here, come here, come here, come here, come here, come here, come here, come, here, come here, come here, come here, come here, come here, come here, come here, come here, come here, come here, come here, come here, come here, come here, come here, come here, she gets mad, she says, "Let me tell you something, the only reason why you came
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