The Mel Robbins Podcast - Stop Wasting Your Time: How to Deal With People Who Won’t Change & What to Do Instead

There’s someone in your life you wish would change. You’ve pushed, reminded, and given advice. You’ve had the same conversation over and over. And somehow, you’re still stuck in the same frustrating cycle of fighting, nagging, lecturing, and hoping they’ll finally do something differently. There is a better way. In today’s conversation, Mel sits down with renowned behavioral scientist and award-winning NYU professor Dr. Dolly Chugh to unpack the surprising science of why people resist change and what really works. You’re going to walk away with some of the most powerful, research-backed tools Dr. Chugh teaches at NYU – tools that will change how you see difficult people, frustrating relationships, and your own ability to influence how others behave. You’ll learn: -The 3 things that really do help when someone you love won’t change -The simple question to ask before giving advice – so it doesn’t backfire -The 4-option question that reveals what someone needs from you in a difficult moment -The relationship tool that keeps small problems from turning into 10-out-of-10 fights -How to tell when “helping” someone is keeping them stuck -The 2 “bodyguards” in your brain that explain why you know better but still don’t do better -Why your brain can fight change even when you desperately want it -The surprising role “unlearning” plays in changing a habit or behavior If you’re exhausted from trying to change someone you love, this conversation will give you a different way forward – starting today – that feels lighter, more hopeful, and extremely doable. Your relationships will never be the same. And neither will you. For more resources related to today’s episode, click here for the podcast episode page. If you liked this episode, listen to this one next: How to Become More Confident, Influential, and Communicate Better With #1 Harvard Business Professor Mel also wants to tell you: Try the 23g protein shot I drink every single morning Join 2 million readers loving my weekly newsletter - full of tips, tools, and inspiration The Let Them Theory: read the book everyone’s talking about Watch the episodes on YouTube Connect with me on Instagram Follow the show’s Instagram for clips, behind the scenes, and more Find some daily positivity on my TikTok Want zero ads? Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes ad-free Disclaimer

Duration: 1h 17m
Broadcast on: 27 Aug 2026
Audio Format: other

There’s someone in your life you wish would change.

You’ve pushed, reminded, and given advice. You’ve had the same conversation over and over.

And somehow, you’re still stuck in the same frustrating cycle of fighting, nagging, lecturing, and hoping they’ll finally do something differently.

There is a better way.

In today’s conversation, Mel sits down with renowned behavioral scientist and award-winning NYU professor Dr. Dolly Chugh to unpack the surprising science of why people resist change and what really works.

You’re going to walk away with some of the most powerful, research-backed tools Dr. Chugh teaches at NYU – tools that will change how you see difficult people, frustrating relationships, and your own ability to influence how others behave.

You’ll learn:

-The 3 things that really do help when someone you love won’t change

-The simple question to ask before giving advice – so it doesn’t backfire

-The 4-option question that reveals what someone needs from you in a difficult moment

-The relationship tool that keeps small problems from turning into 10-out-of-10 fights

-How to tell when “helping” someone is keeping them stuck

-The 2 “bodyguards” in your brain that explain why you know better but still don’t do better

-Why your brain can fight change even when you desperately want it

-The surprising role “unlearning” plays in changing a habit or behavior

If you’re exhausted from trying to change someone you love, this conversation will give you a different way forward – starting today – that feels lighter, more hopeful, and extremely doable.

Your relationships will never be the same. And neither will you.

For more resources related to today’s episode, click here for the podcast episode page.

If you liked this episode, listen to this one next: How to Become More Confident, Influential, and Communicate Better With #1 Harvard Business Professor

Mel also wants to tell you:

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Hey, it's your friend, Mel, and welcome to the Malrahman's Podcast. Oh, you're gonna love the episode today, because today you and I are gonna learn how to deal with the people in your life who won't change. I mean, we love these people, but they're so frustrating, right? I know you're sick of it. I'm sick of it. Aren't you sick of wasting your time and energy trying to push other people to be better? Of course you are. Today you're gonna learn a different approach. You're gonna learn how to use the research to pull the people you love toward the changes that you want to see, and they're not even gonna know you're doing it. Dr. Dolly Chug is here in our Boston studios. She is a social psychologist with three degrees from Harvard. She's also an award-winning professor at NYU Stern School of Business. Her entire field of expertise is studying why people won't change, and more importantly, how to effectively move someone else toward changing. So, if you're in a frustrating pattern with someone that you love, you are listening to the exact episode that you need to hear. You're gonna love this because there's so many takeaways that you and I can apply immediately. In fact, Dr. Chug is gonna say, "There's only three things that you can do that will inspire someone else to change. Just three. And if you're like me, you're gonna realize you're probably not doing any of these three things. You're doing the things that don't work." After listening today, you will finally break free from the endless frustrating cycle of fighting, nagging, and lecturing the people you care about. And you know what you're gonna feel? Peace and power. And if you apply what Dr. Chug is about to teach you today, you may just see the people that you care about finally change. When I think of fall, I think of a couple things. I think of the first school drop-off, the first sweater weather day, the first chilly evening around the fire pit, and our sponsor, LL Bean. For over a hundred years, LL Bean has been part of these traditions, crunching leaves and man-made bean boots, cheering from the sidelines and scotch-plaid flannel, and walking the dog in a rugged field coat. Go grab the layers you love and the people you love and get outside. Visit LL Bean.com to shop the fall collection. LL Bean, Be an Outsider. The Mel Robbins Podcast is brought to you by Expedia. I love Expedia because I love traveling, and here's the thing. You may be holding off on booking a trip right now, because you think you need the whole plan to come together. But guess what? You don't. With Expedia's bundle and save, the more you book, the more you can save. Get up to 30 percent off every time you add something, and then you add more later. Expedia, the one place you go to go places. Sign in to save on select bookings.

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