The Mel Robbins Podcast - You’ll Never See Your Family the Same After This Episode

If the holidays stir up feelings about your family - stress, guilt, grief - this episode is for you. Whether you love spending time with them, can only handle them in small doses, or stay away for your own sanity, being around family has a way of pushing every button you’ve got. That’s why Mel invited Dr. Mariel Buqué, a Columbia-trained psychologist and leading expert on family dynamics and generational patterns, to share the real reason why your family stresses you out. Dr. Buqué will help you see how the home you grew up in and the role that you played in your family shaped you as a person. She will also explain why the same tension, guilt, and arguments keep repeating year after year and how you can shift this dynamic. In this episode, you’ll learn about: -How no siblings grow up in the same family, and why it’s important to understand this -The specific challenges and lasting impact of being an eldest daughter -How women in particular absorb family stress, and the impact this can have on autoimmune diseases -How family trauma can be passed down through generations until someone decides to break the cycle -The impact on you of how your parents were parented -Specific daily tools and tactics to use around your family -How to do the work to heal yourself, even if others are not supportive This conversation will give language to what you’ve been feeling for years and tools you can use immediately: at the holiday table, on the phone, or in everyday life. It’s an invitation to stop absorbing everyone else’s stress, see your family with clearer eyes, and protect your peace. For more resources related to today’s episode, click here for the podcast episode page. As a gift to listeners of The Mel Robbins Podcast, Mel has created a free 20-page workbook to help you make 2026 a great year. This workbook is designed using the latest research to help you get clear about what you want and empower you to take the next step forward in your life. And the cool part? It takes less than a minute for you to get your hands on it. Just sign up at melrobbins.com/bestyear. If you liked the episode, check out this one next: The One Tool to Transform Your Relationships: The Let Them Theory Connect with Mel: Get Mel’s newsletter, packed with tools, coaching, and inspiration. Get Mel’s #1 bestselling book, The Let Them Theory Get on the waitlist for Pure Genius Watch the episodes on YouTube Follow Mel on Instagram The Mel Robbins Podcast Instagram Mel's TikTok Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes ad-free Disclaimer

Duration: 1h 24m
Broadcast on: 22 Dec 2025
Audio Format: other

If your family stirs up feelings - stress, guilt, grief - this episode is for you.

Whether you love spending time with them, can only handle them in small doses, or stay away for your own sanity, being around family has a way of pushing every button you’ve got.

That’s why Mel invited Dr. Mariel Buqué, a Columbia-trained psychologist and leading expert on family dynamics and generational patterns, to share the real reason why your family stresses you out.

Dr. Buqué will help you see how the home you grew up in and the role that you played in your family shaped you as a person.

She will also explain why the same tension, guilt, and arguments keep repeating year after year and how you can shift this dynamic.

In this episode, you’ll learn about:

-How no siblings grow up in the same family, and why it’s important to understand this

-The specific challenges and lasting impact of being an eldest daughter

-How women in particular absorb family stress, and the impact this can have on autoimmune diseases

-How family trauma can be passed down through generations until someone decides to break the cycle

-The impact on you of how your parents were parented

-Specific daily tools and tactics to use around your family

-How to do the work to heal yourself, even if others are not supportive

This conversation will give language to what you’ve been feeling for years and tools you can use immediately: at the table, on the phone, or in everyday life.

It’s an invitation to stop absorbing everyone else’s stress, see your family with clearer eyes, and protect your peace.

For more resources related to today’s episode, click here for the podcast episode page.

As a gift to listeners of The Mel Robbins Podcast, Mel has created a free 20-page workbook to help you make 2026 a great year. This workbook is designed using the latest research to help you get clear about what you want and empower you to take the next step forward in your life. And the cool part? It takes less than a minute for you to get your hands on it. Just sign up at melrobbins.com/bestyear.

If you liked the episode, check out this one next: The One Tool to Transform Your Relationships: The Let Them Theory

Connect with Mel:

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Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. If you've ever wished you could change your family dynamic for the better, today's conversation is for you. Maybe you've wondered, why is there always some sort of tension whenever we're all together? Or you thought, why can't we get along? Why can't things just be easier? Here's what I want you to know. You're not alone in thinking these things, and it's likely that your parents and siblings, they wish that your family felt closer too. Our guest today is a world-renowned psychologist who is going to give you the exact answers you've been looking for. She's also going to provide the strategies backed by research that will help you improve your relationship with your family and help you become more connected to the people you love. Dr. Mary L. Bouquet is one of the world's leading experts in intergenerational trauma, and she is here with fascinating research. Many of the things your parents and grandparents didn't deal with, or acknowledge, have profoundly shaped who you are. You didn't create the family dynamic, yet you're all living in it. Dr. Bouquet is here to help you understand how your childhood shaped who you've become as an adult, and how your parents' childhood determine the type of parents they became to you. Dr. Bouquet will also reveal a hidden generational link that created the dynamics your family is stuck living in today. But here's the good news. Change, peace, and connection are possible, and Dr. Bouquet is going to show you how to break free from the broken dynamics and start experiencing more peace and clarity in your life and relationships. The Let Them Theory is the best gift you can give this holiday season. It's the gift you give to someone who's overwhelmed, to the people pleaser, to the friend who carries way too much, to the sibling who's exhausted from dealing with everyone else's emotions, to the coworker who needs a break. It's meaningful, it's practical, it's hilarious, and it's life-changing. The Let Them Theory, for everyone on your list, available at letthem.com and wherever books are sold. Okay, picture this. You're halfway through a weekend project, and you don't have the one thing you need. We'll let Lowe's make the run for you. My Lowe's Rewards and My Lowe's Pro Rewards members get free same-day delivery, just place your order and Lowe's handles the rest. Members get more at Lowe's, $25 minimum, and loyalty membership required. Order eligible items by 2 p.m., subject to weight and size restrictions and availability, terms at Lowe's.com/shippingterms. The Mel Robbins podcast is brought to you by Expedia. I love Expedia because I love traveling, and here's the thing. You may be holding off on booking a trip right now, because you think you need the whole plan to come together. But guess what? You don't. With Expedia's bundle and save, the more you book, the more you can save. Get up to 30% off every time you add something, and then you add more later. Expedia, the one place you go to go places. Sign in to save on select bookings. The Mel Robbins podcast is proudly sponsored by Amica Insurance, our exclusive insurance partner. Every podcast listener has a story. The milestones you'll always remember, the traditions that have been passed down over the generations, the moments that make being a part of your family mean something. At Amica, they know the things that matter are worth protecting, and showing up for those moments year after year is how trust is earned. That's why customers stay with Amica three times longer. Visit amica.com and get a quote today. Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins podcast. I'm really excited that you're here. It's such an honor to be together and to spend this time with you. And if you're a new listener, or you're here because somebody shared this with you, I just want to take a moment and personally welcome you to the Mel Robbins podcast family. I'm so excited for you to meet Dr. Mary L. Bouquet. Dr. Bouquet is a psychologist who earned her doctorate in psychology from Columbia University. She completed a three year fellowship in collaboration with the US Department of Health and Human Services and Columbia University Medical Center. Dr. Bouquet is a psychotherapist who is regarded as one of the world's leading experts in healing, intergenerational trauma. She also advises major institutions, including Yale School of Medicine and NYU on trauma informed and culturally responsive practices. She is also the best-selling author of the book Break the Cycle. Please help me welcome Dr. Mary L. Bouquet to the Mel Robbins podcast. Dr. Mary L. Bouquet,

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