Making A Husband with Tez and Shy Ilyas

Ep 1 - The Lie In, the Hitch and the Wet Towel

In the pilot episode of the Making a Husband Podcast, join Tez & Shy, as they discuss weddings, argue over wet towels and learn interesting things abut dolphins and seagulls. They also try and solve a dilemma… once Tez gets over the clickbait title.

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Duration:: 1h 3m
Broadcast on:: 17 Sep 2024
Audio Format:: mp3

Hey, Prime Members. Are you tired of ads interfering with your favorite podcasts? Good news! With Amazon Music, you have access to the largest catalog of ad-free top podcasts, included with your Prime Membership. To start listening, download the Amazon Music app for free, or go to amazon.com/adfreepodcasts. That's amazon.com/adfreepodcasts to catch up on the latest episodes without the ads. Hello and welcome to the Making a Husband Podcast. With me, Tez Ilias, that was the cutest, that was the cutest in the year itself. So my name is Chai. I'm really in a picture. I'm trying to make you a bootable husband. Hello and welcome to the Making a Husband Podcast. With me, comedian, Tez Ilias, and my wife, who has tried to make a husband better, or make a husband, in general. You mentioned a juicer self. Yeah, I was sorry. That was the cutest in the juicer self. What do I say? I was saying my name is Chai. I'm a normal person with a normal 9-5 job. It's a brilliant, yeah. That somehow managed to marry someone who is a complete opposite of me. Oh Mario. No. And who I'm trying to make into a, I don't know how to say this in a nice way. Go on. Without offending you. Go on. I'm trying to make you a more acceptable, suitable, more compatible husband. Wow. I've got a lot to unpack there. Yeah, but you've got better. 10 years of this guys. No, but you've got better. I won't take that away from you. Let's not ruin the podcast now. We've got to record this for 10 years. We've got to rinse this. So why are you, why are we doing this? Why are you doing this? Because obviously you're a civilian. So why are you making this podcast? I think there are a lot of victims out there like me, and I'm joking. I'm joking. There are a lot of people out there who marry someone. And I think also in our culture, we don't have the luxury of living with our partner beforehand. Oh, yeah. And training in before marriage. And training, that's very important. And I think it's quite interesting how quite a few people in different cultures, we kind of share the same stories. And I think, yeah, I think it's just quite funny. Some of the stuff that we can talk about, we can laugh about rather than, ah, this is really depressing, and this is life now, we're married. And because marriage is fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So don't ask me why I'm doing it. Oh, why are you doing that? Three lambdaing the podcast is... Three lambdaing the podcast is to bring in another source of income, which will then hopefully match your current salary, and then you can leave your job and stop pestering me to do housework, because you work as well. So if you stop working, then I don't need to do any housework. Yeah, but you still have to do your work like that anymore. Listen, the reason I do housework is because you're like, oh, I work as well. You know that you're alone working, and I get that. So I'm supported, supported by the sympathetic of that. But I'm still going to be working. No, you'll be doing, you'll be calling the podcast one hour a week, isn't it? That's not a job. That's not a job. But so your two hour, so your two hour job the weekend, your two nights, the week, the job, like... My 60 minutes on stage a week. 60? You did 60. You did 20, 30, 30, 30. Yeah, but how many times a week, though? Depending. Yeah, at the moment, I'm saying average about 60 minutes a week. So... That's not even a job. I'd literally eight hours a day. Yeah, so I'm saying, so my goal really is to get this monetized. So sign up to the Patreon and subscribe and leave five store ratings. And make sure you buy all the merchandise from advertisers. It's just to get enough money from this podcast to much of salary, so you can leave your job, and I can do less housework. That's my aim in this. I feel a bit... I didn't, I didn't kind of live up to your expectation there. I was just like, oh, I just want to be fun. Yeah, fun is, well, definitely, yeah, fun as well. Fun. Resilience podcast is for fun with my wife. What did we do this week? What did we do this week? How long have we been married, first of all? Let's just give them a quick. So we've been married for 20 months ago, in the summer of 2022. 21 months we've been married for. Yeah, it's been interesting. Yesterday. It's been a rollercoaster. Yeah, it's been great. It's been amazing. Amazing. Mostly. Like, that time it took me to Autumn Towers, and then you told me it was going to be the most amazing time. Oh, yeah, you don't like that. It's a pussy. So we, in that time, we got married, bought a house, and yeah, became proper actual functioning adults. Why are you missing the one main thing? The bandies. Oh, yeah, no, I became a stepdad to two rabbits. No, you keep this from going. But they were, they were already there. The one saying they were, it wasn't new, they were already there. They were new in my life, but they already existed, didn't they? Yeah, but I adopted these two rabbits. Who are you? Not a euphemism. You're not actual living beings. Leave my buddies alone. I would love to. So anyway, yeah, so that's a bit background for us, and I'm sure you'll learn more about us as the episodes rolled by. Right, so what did we do this week? We have been to two weddings. Two weddings. Yeah, it was the first one, the first official one that we attended from our side, my side. Yes, that was the first function from your side of the family since we've been married, and the other wedding was a friend of mine, a comedy friend of mine, a friend of mine from the industry who also got married last, over the weekend. Sounds nice. That is the life of in Asia, no, isn't it? Just weddings. Weddings and weddings. Weddings and weddings and weddings. They were nice, though. Yeah, I've run out of outfits to wear now. I'm constantly recycling from my sisters, your sisters are lending me outfits. This is mad to me because, and I think a lot has been fully emphasized with this, in that the amount of outfits and clothes your lady has, and then when they turn it on, they're like, I've got nothing to wear. You're like, what are you on about? Nobody's different for you. You can wear the same suit, but change it to different shirts, but we Asian outfits, they're bespoke, can't they? You can tell if you're wearing the same one, you can't just change a top to a bottom. I mean, you can, you just have people look great here. But who's going to tell? Like, what would happen, right? If I wore the same outfit to your friend's wedding and my cousin's wedding? Yeah, what would happen? It just wouldn't feel comfortable. Does that wear the same suit as it should? I'd just change a tie or the shirt combo or something. Yeah, exactly. There's a shirt combo. I mean, also, remember, it was really warm as well. So, I don't really want to wear the same outfit when it's so heavily beaded, and, you know, you want it one day, and then you've got to wear it again the next, and, yeah. I mean, I went to two different lists to be fat. I get that you don't need to wear the same outfit two days in a row. That completely understand. I'm not saying you should do that. But I'm saying, if you have an outfit from last year, or two years ago, or three, if it still fits, two years ago, three years ago, four years ago, five years ago, even, and it still fits you fine, that's not an issue. Or you can get it tucked in a little bit, that's fine. I don't understand why you're like, I've got a brand new outfit. I mean, to be honest, I have recycled some outfits from your cousin's wedding, that I wore to weddings in the UK, but that was last year. But I don't feel like I can wear last year's outfits this year. And also, fashion changes a lot. So, something that was in fashion two years ago might not be in fashion today. This is why, guys, we are so lucky. Suits will never go out of fashion. The coat of a suit might be changed from G to U and maybe. But generally, if you're wearing a suit, you're wearing a suit. It's exhausting. How do you think we feel? Well, listen, this is a problem that women have created for yourselves. Men aren't saying, there's no man that says, "Oh, my God." No straight men, I should clarify. "Oh, my God." Shah's got wore that outfit two years ago to the horse wedding, and I can't believe it. She's wearing that outfit again for shame. Just for the benefit of people listening, Tess is doing the hand gestures with this as well. Well, I'm an actor, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. I really want to see her all there. No. So, this is a problem that women have created for themselves. But also, I was thinking about this, this is a problem with fashion, women fashion in general. And I think because they sell, if you look at the high street, women's fashion, it's more affordable because they change so quickly, don't they? Yeah. So, when men, your fashion doesn't really change. You might change from skinny jeans to straight car to t-shirts to open shirts to, you know, a high collar, open neck, so on. But for women, we'll change from, "Oh, okay, so this dress might be in." The different cut of the dress might be in two months later, a week later, there could be trousers tucked in with t-shirts and cleansers and, yeah. Question for the Classmas. But who are setting these rules? Who are you trying to impress? No. Who's going to be upset if you don't follow that season's rules? But tez, tez, tez. I don't follow fashion specifically. I like dressing, I like choosing outfits, I like shopping. So, whatever's there and if I like it, I'll buy it. But only mine though, I do have stuff from like 2015. Yeah, I'll get that. Your casual day-to-day, yeah, your jeans and your tops and your whatever day-to-day outfits, yeah, you, you re-wear them. But what I'm saying is like, party dresses, you're like, "Oh, I've got nothing to wear." And I'm like, love. There's a wardrobe full of clothes. And under the bed, you've got not to win bed. Under the bed, there's like bare clothes on that. We're not going to win. You're not going to win. I'm not going to have to, I'm not trying to win. I'm not trying to win, I'm just trying to understand that's what it is. Yeah. But, thank you. I'm not winning. Ladies, if you have sister-in-law sisters, best friends, etc, etc, you're in the same size, honestly, instead of buying new outfits, just share them, recycle them. I have been, that's what I've learned. I was getting to a point, because of what Tess does for a living, it's exhausting buying new outfits all the time. Like, I would be buying, I would literally have to shop probably, like, hundreds of pounds every other week if I was- For what, though? We just go to gigs? Corporate when you have corporate events, Tess. I can't just say to me, "Oh, okay, we've been invited to something." And I'm like, "Okay, what's the dress code?" He will not tell me that it could be a flippin' red carpet event. It's because I don't know. Yeah. And truth is, the way I plan my life, I, because there's so much going on, I don't plan anything until the week of the thing happens. Yeah. So I'm like, "Oh, yeah, on Friday, we got this premiere of the thing, or we've got this dinner thing for the- God, they're events. The last time, yeah. Because I know I'm just wearing a suit in it. So mentally, I'm just thinking like, "Oh, wear a suit. What shirt I'm gonna wear, what shoes I'm gonna wear with it." But I forget that, because she is in my life now, she's got a whole other stuff to think about, dress and all the hair and makeup and all that sort of stuff. So I've got a bit bit mindful of making sure I let her know. But then everything is in the diary, though. Yes, Tess, but I, no, sometimes, no. The name, something could be in the diary, but you will not expand on it. And I have to bug it. Oh, I have to Google the event. And I'll be like, "Oh my God, it's a red carpet." Because I often remember I'm not doing it. Oh my God, it's gala. Oh my God, it's a James Bond theme or blah, blah, blah. But remember, I'm not the one who puts it in the diary. Yeah. My management put it in the diary. So... Maybe your management will have too much confidence in you to think that you... Right, they're probably listening to this podcast, I assume. So, when the marriage is my diary at UTC, when I have a corporate, could you please put in there what the dress code is so she can, when she's looking at the diary, to plan her life, she can, she can plan accordingly. Yes, really. Thank you very much. That's a note to my management there. I couldn't just text it, but this is an interesting way to communicate with them. But talking of the wedding, which wedding did you prefer that? Did you prefer the one from my side? Oh, you prefer. This is controversial, aren't it? Because my mates wedding... So it may be quite similar, though. My mates wedding or your cousins wedding. They were quite similar in that they were like in a... So the first one was like a... Yeah, the both in Marquis went there. So the both in Marquis in quite nice locations. Mm-hmm. So the quite similar... Food was very nice in both places. Exactly. You had to do a comedy bit for one. I did, I was working on one of them, isn't it? And then you were getting a photograph from the other. Yes, true. That's true. They were both good. I think they were both really nice. Neither of them were as good as our wedding. Do you find it weird when you get to people's weddings and people are like, "Oh my God, it's Tazilias." And can we take a picture with you? Because I was thinking that sometimes, if you're the bride and groom, would you be a bit like, "Oh, what's going on here?" Why are they all running off to test? I'm the bride here. I'm the groomer. But generally, no one is not taking a picture with them. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Like when you're a wedding, like when it's your wedding, people aren't constantly for four hours going, "Oh my God, oh my God, there she is. There she goes, there she goes." Or whatever. No, obviously when they first see you, your entrance and when they come to take pictures and now you get all of that. But if you've got other guests at the wedding, who are who they are, then there's worries, isn't it? Otherwise, don't invite me, then, isn't it? That is true. I'll happily not come to your wedding. But of the wedding, the wedding were lovely. It was actually quite nice for you to come to my side for once. Yeah, that was nice. Yeah. They were lovely people, that was a nice wedding. I felt like if they'd had maybe an ice cream store. Or a llama. Or some llamas, like alpacas specifically. Alpacas. Or a bounce castle. Or a bounce. Now you're just repeating our wedding. I'm just saying our wedding was sick though. If they just did what we did in our wedding, then they would have been sick. As it was, it was still very, very good. How do you feel about people when they take their phones out, when people like out weddings or like entrances or anything, like someone's cutting the cake? Like I've got to a point in my life, but it really stresses me out. And this isn't just the wedding stuff. This is anywhere. If we'll go if someone's on stage or someone's doing something. I don't like, I feel like I'm more living in the moment then. Why don't you ever look back on your phone and videos and go, "Oh yeah, you know what? I'm going to watch that ten times." I'm glad I got that shaky grey footage of someone entering. Yeah. Yeah, I agree. I think people should live more in the moment. And you're at no one's going to look back. I think about all the little videos I've made over my life. I never look back at them. No, you don't. So I think put your phones away. Especially if there's someone's wedding. Yeah. Put your phone away and just enjoy it. So you're going to get pictures later anyway. Yeah. But in that moment where it's a brad and groom entrance or there's something like a cake cutting thing happening or something, put your phone away and just enjoy that moment in real time. Yeah. It's kind of controversial stuff. No one's going to want to see you really... No, sometimes people might be... People might be taken to send to other people, but... But that's not everyone then. No, it's not everyone. You're right. I just, yeah, lately, I just feel like I'm a bit like, I don't like... I'm like, live in the moment. Just put your phone away. We had a no-phone policy. Not a no-phone, sorry. We had a no-recording and photography policy. Yeah. Not because, like, for any reason. Like, we didn't send our pictures to anyone. It was just like, just... Because we were obviously getting our wedding photograph and videos. And we... So we were like, just put your phones away. Because we didn't want to make anyone that's got their phones out. Yeah. Just put your phones away and enjoy the moment. And the feedback was really good. And the atmosphere is better because everyone's living the moment. Yeah, yeah. Instead of trying to make sure that their phone is aligned properly and not off-central, whatever. And, you know, when you walk... When I was walking down the... When we were doing the civil ceremony, like, it was actually stunning because no one had their phones out. Yeah, yeah. And they were all... You could just look at everyone and they're smiling and, yeah, that was really lovely. That was really nice. Yeah, yeah, I remember that. That was really nice. All right, that was... Oh, the other thing I was up to this week, I was in Watford. And I saw a seagull clippogen. Oh, wow. I don't know how to feel... I don't know, you know how I feel about stuff like that. I know, but it was crazy because, like... So I was walking back to the hotel. What do you mean the seagull was killing a pigeon? So I was walking back, right? And there's a busy... There's a busy, dual-carriage way. So you can't, like, just cross immediately. And across the road, I saw a seagull and then... I saw two animals coming together in it. So initially, I thought they were, like, doing, like, you know, doing... I had to do it in the discovery channel, like, having a bit of naughty time in public. Yeah, so I was like... A seagull and a pigeon. I didn't know they were seagull and a pigeon initially. I just thought... I just saw two animals coming together in it. And I was like... [sings] I've hummed that very badly. Yeah. Yeah. But, um, so I thought, "That's nice." And then I thought they were having a bit of scrap. And I didn't do that thing. You know, when you see kids fighting across the road, like, "I... Cut it out!" I was starting doing that. I was like, "I, stop it!" And then I saw that one of them was dominating the other one. And I was like... I'm not on my watch. I'm going to cut this out. So I had to wait for the course to go past. As I said, it was a busy doo-cargeway. And then they got halfway and I realized it was like a seagull and a pigeon. And I was like, "Well, that's a very unfair fight. A seagull is massive." Yeah. Not that a pigeon is small, but seagulls are huge. And I was like, "Oh, cut, cut, yeah, mate! Hey! Hey!" And then I got across the road. I jumped over the railing thing, right? Oh my God. And I went over and I saw the seagull away. Let me tell you, when I got there, this seagull was tearing chops out of this pigeon and with a bad fly-off with the seagulls. He'd eat pigeons, it was mud, and then I came in and I'm like, "Shook off from a getaway knee!" Wait, seagulls eat pigeons! Apparently, there's this wrong gun, there's this bad eggs, and then he flew off, and then I looked down and this pigeon was dead in it. Like, I couldn't, like, there was no shake in it. Nothing. It was gone. The life had gone from it. And at that moment, genuinely, it got me scared. Because I was like, "Oh, not that." So the seagull, you made the seagull run off and leave its food as well. Yeah. The seagulls didn't hold, like, it killed the pigeon. The seagulls are ruthless, though. Yes, they're all full. So I saw that, and then I got scared because I thought, "What if he comes back with the mates?" So I thought, "Maybe one seagull could take, but how many seagulls would it take for me to then be like, "Anam, they're going to mess me up?" I reckon three seagulls didn't have me. Wasn't that three seagulls? Like, two seagulls are like, "One seagull I reckon I could take, haven't I?" Two seagulls, maybe, three seagulls I think I'm done. I think they'd have me. There wasn't there a rumor that there was a seagull that picked up a little dog, the little little one that ran off the bat. So when I put this online, people started playing going, "Oh, that's nothing. I've seen a seagull carry off a puppy." And I was like, "What?" You know, I didn't need to know this. I've got to go my whole life, not knowing this information, and now what had been fine? Yeah. It's too much. So keep an eye out for seagulls, basically. Keep an eye out for pigeon-killing seagulls. Yeah, that's all for us, it's customary. Had. Yeah. Yeah. That's too much for me, and I love animals for last too much. What do we argue about this week? What born do you want to pick with me this week? Oh, okay, should I get my list out? No, no, actually, do you know what? I'm going to say, I'm going to say what I saw just now when I came downstairs. Oh, shoot. Why did you? Why are you incapable of picking up my towel and putting it on the hook behind the door? When you could, you're in the bathroom, right? Yeah. And I've obviously come out of the shower. Yeah. So you have to go in and you shut the door, right? Yeah. So then why can you not take the towel that I've left on the bed? Yeah. And put it behind the door. If I'm in the bathroom. When you come out of the bathroom? No, wait. So you go to the bathroom. That's just one thing. Sorry. You come out of the bathroom, you come out of the, so we've got it on the suite, right? So you come out with the on suite into our bedroom. I then go to the on suite to do what I need to do. Yeah. You obviously wrapped in your towel. Mm-hmm. And then you, I'm in the bathroom, toilet, shower, whatever, yeah. I do what I do. By the time I come out, you probably left the room because sometimes it takes an age. No, I've always left the room. It can take up to a week, sometimes for me to do what I need to do in the bathroom. But anyway, take like 45 minutes longer than I should. But I'm sure that would be an argument a different week. But, so by the time I come out, you left. Yeah. Because I've got a meeting with them then, or... And then your towels in the bed? Yeah. And I don't put it behind the hook when I put my towel there. No. I do sometimes. No, you don't. Yeah, but like, you're not going to come back at any point. That's one, that's, obviously, because I've had to put the towel, I've come upstairs to get something probably, and I've seen that the towels. Generally, when you leave something somewhere, in my head, it's like, "Oh, she's put that there for a reason." And I shouldn't touch that. Like, that's the fact that I've got that plastic bag that's got all the stuff that needs to go to the tip. Yeah, go and take it to the tip. And you've been talking about it for the last few days. Yeah, you know what the tip is? I've taken you there enough times. And I can't go to the tip. I'm not, I mean... Have you had to go, "Whoa, whoa, what?" You can go, "I'm..." Hang on. Hang on. Now, no, listen, what happened there? She tried to say something, and then she realized, she had to come across to the right beach, and she stopped herself. She's about to say, what she wants to say, before she stops her, was, "I'm too good for the tip." No, I didn't say that. That's what you were gonna say. No, I'd never say that. You were gonna say, "I'm too good for the tip." No. Not like the monster of the sea there. I was gonna say, I like, like, I can't go to the car wash, for example. I can't, I don't, I don't look good at stuff like this. What do you mean? And you have to park in his bed. You don't go to the car wash, because the guy crossed the road from your car. No, he hasn't yet, actually. And my car's only been cleaned twice since I moved to Blackburn. All right, yeah, that's another thing. How many channels in my car have been cleaned since you moved to Blackburn? That's not my thing. You've got a new car. But what I'm saying, but I don't have a new car. It's your brand new car. Yeah, but that's your fault though, doesn't it? Twice. And what do you do when it's a Friday, nine to five? Work? Leave towels and mates. We should set out, we should set out, like, a picture of exactly what your day's like, and that's the nicest way possible, isn't it? To help people understand. Okay. So what happens is, is I wake up and get ready for work and come now to this work, yeah. What time, what time, give us a little, give a picture what time? So, between, actually, before that, I wake up between seven, seven thirty and eight. You have to go and feed the bunnies. Well, see, this is what I'm saying, man, what a chore. So, I have to feed the bunnies. I obviously get ready, go to this, do my first three meetings of the day. So, that's a question of the listeners. What? Right, listeners. Messages on Instagram or on the email address provided, right? She, um, she sometimes has a go at me. Sometimes, when she's mid-fight, she'll bring up seven things in it. And one of the things she'll bring up is, and, well, how come you never got up early to feed the bunnies? Like, listen, I didn't bring the, I didn't bring the bunnies into this marriage. That's very rude. So, the person who bought the bunnies into this marriage should take responsibility for them. That's really rude. Anyway, that's just, that's just for the business. It was a deal-breaker, me marrying the bunnies. Yeah, so I've provided them. I would choose them over the years. I would provide them with space. Yeah. So, you've still got to go. You've provided them with space? Yeah, provided them with space. You've provided them with space. I've given them with space. I've given them, I've given them lodgings. Wow. I've given them free lodgings. Wow. They're a parent. Wow. So, they've got lodgings, yeah? They don't, they don't, like, let's be honest. We're going to park this because- Well, while you do the ad, anyway, so, what was going to say was- They represent something to me. They mean something to me. That's the value they serve. Yeah, exactly. Where were we? So, feed the bunnies. I've come down there. Yes, you feed the bunnies because, obviously, they're not such sufficient. They can't do their own thing. So, you feed the bunnies. Why do you make it because they're bunnies? They can't defend themselves. They can try. Yeah. But they can't. So, then you come down, then you come downstairs. Yeah. Yeah. What happens then? And then, I do my meeting. My first two meetings. You don't give times. Give people a picture. Give timings as these things are going on. Okay. So, then, round about between- About time I've come down since it's quarter past 20 past eight. Yeah. And I make my coffee and then I start my emails and then I've got to stand up nine. And then I've got another one and a half nine. What does that mean? It means I have a meeting with my developer team. Okay. With my developers. At what time? The first one is at nine o'clock and the second one is at nine 30. Okay. So, you start work at nine. I start work at half eight. And you've never started work at half eight. Oh my god. I start work at half eight. How do you know you never awake her? Like, but at the moment I'm sleeping. I'm still sleeping. Yeah. Okay. And Ted probably thinks that I start work the time he wakes up, which is 11. Oh, you started like, you've been waking me up early than that. If I wanted to, if it looked to me it'd be 11 past 11, but you woke me up early than that. No, I don't. And sometimes as early as like 10 30. Yeah, but I try. If I don't have a meeting, but then hold on. You're forgetting one key thing. What do I do every single morning for you? You wake me up with a cup of tea. Every green tea, yeah. Without fail. Yeah. Even so I work out when my next long meeting is. And I've got a gap. I'll be like, okay, I'll come and wake you up. And then, but the time I give you, how did you make me this morning? I put the eye in the blind. So, do you bring me a cup of green tea every single morning to wake me up? Yeah, like that's really nice. It is. How much time did you bring me coffee? If I get up before you, every time I've got before you, I bought you a coffee 100% of the time. So, the time, the time I got before you, I bought you a coffee 100% of the time. You know, it's really funny. You bring me a coffee if we've had a fight and we've had an argument based on the fact that I'm tired. And the next day, I'll be in his best behavior and I'll wake up. She's like, we're in the last time you got me a coffee in the morning. And I'm like, I don't wake up at eight o'clock in the morning to make you a coffee, do I? So, you've gotten better. You used to wake up at like four, four o'clock in the afternoon, it was disgusting. Yeah, they were the glory days. No, they weren't glory days, it was awful. Best year to my life. No. And to be honest, I do believe there's some sort of scientific research behind the fact that when you're missing out huge chunks of your day, and you're missing all the sunlight and the goodness, it's going to affect your mental health. Maybe that's why your life is shaped before you met me. My life was magnificively for me. Elaine, pin your picture. Listen to my life before my beautiful wife arrived into my life. I'd wake up at like two, three, four in the afternoon. Check my phone. Maybe now we'll get our bed. An hour. I'll have a shower and pray. Mum may make some lunch, late lunch at this point. Have lunch, watch TV, Netflix, Amazon. Do some admin. Like, because, you know, do well for yourself, you're a comedian. So there's always constant admin going on. So do a bit of admin. Then maybe have some dinner about nine-ish, watch some more TV. He used to make your dinner. Mum. Mm. Yeah. And then about midnight, go to my dad's, hang out with my sisters, smoking shoes, yeah. Probably get a takeaway about two in the morning, watch a film, horror movies usually. We'll just stop doing 'cause you can't watch horror films. Pussy. And then get back to like six in the morning and go to bed. Now you tell me, yeah, if that isn't the dream. That's not the dream. That is the best life anyone could be. Friend is. It's an amazing life. Yeah, but I'm a morning person. Now it's like, oh, go to bed at 11. Oh, get off your phone, stop playing games at night. Because you're an adult. You're not a child. I know, but an adult was cultivated. A lifestyle for themselves. Hey, Chama. You can find this, shit. It's quoting me when they argue. That is amazing. You do listen. Oh, that's so sweet. Every time you have this argument with me, or discussion with me about like, oh, but what do you get? Like, you don't work at 95. You don't know what it's like. I'm like, I have cultivated a lifestyle that I want to live. Don't be a hater. Anyway, but actually, you do need to go before half. But I'm in a job that means that I don't have to be like, I responsible as someone who's like a fine man or a doctor. But, Ted, you have to balance. You have to compromise. Yeah, I do. That's why I'm making my 10.30. What time do you go to sleep? What time do you go to sleep last night? Okay, last night was my half. No, that's why I'm different also, because I drove back from Birmingham later. I got back at 1 a.m. And then I had to pray as well. All right, what else? So I leave the towel. All right, so I leave the towel. So if I see your towel on the bed, you haven't left it there for a reason or purpose. You left it there for me to pick up and move behind the door. See, the thing with me is, if you put something somewhere, I assume, because it's so perfect that you've left it there for a reason. I don't know. You've left it there for a reason. You left it there for a reason. I shouldn't touch that, because the last thing I want to do. Why would you want the bed to be done? It's moved perfectly. That might be a reason for you. I didn't really know you. Maybe because, like, maybe, like, helps you get wet or something. I don't know. That's disgusting. All right, so one thing I've learned during this episode is that, if I see your towel on the bed, you've not left it there. It's not art. It's not supposed sculpture that you've created. You left it there for me to put behind the door of the ensuite. OK. That's not difficult. And if you see the thing-- I don't think it's that hard. And also, another thing is, I was really busy today with meetings all day. Yeah. And you didn't even go and check in on the bunnies. How do you know? Because you would have said to me that I've checked in on the bunnies. Yes, you would have. I see them. I've probably checked in on them once an hour. I did not let you know. Because you didn't even check in when you came home last night. Yes, I did. Remember last night when you were complaining about the graph that came in. And you were like, where is this massive draft coming from? Why is it so-- No, I said why is it so cold. I checked all the windows. The windows were closed. And you were like, there is a draft coming in from somewhere. I went to check the bunnies' room. They got their own room by the way. Yeah, we've got their own room. I went into the bunnies' room and the window was wide open. Now, you're the one who was most contact with the bunnies. That means you, another thing, Simba, or Bud can get up at 5'4 and open to the windows. That means you left the window. No, the window must have blown out. No, you should have open tiny bit. No, because of the latch. There's a latch when you leave it. Yeah, I'll be saying to me, I didn't put it on the laptop. Yeah, so that was you. Yes, I got something in. Well, what I could do with anything. So, in order to make sure that we have a well-insulated house shy, please ensure the windows are closed or on the latch. Don't do this because there's countless times that you left the window open a lot on sleep. It's like messy right now. Soo. That's one on. So, yeah, basically 50/50. That's absolutely not how I'm going to do 50. I've left a bed. I'll have to towel on the bed. You left the windows open a lot and I'll draft them in. I'm also, you went to the bathroom today and you didn't put any of the pillows or anything, the cover, the cover. You just pulled the duvet out and then you walked off. This is a complaint that I've got, yeah. When, before I met you, I still made my bed every day. You might not believe me, but I didn't make my bed every single day. All I had to do, all I had to do, was get the duvet on and I talk about my pillows, that's it. And maybe, I maybe like unfold it a little bit, whatever, yeah, that's all I had to do. Now, this is the process of making the bed, yeah. My dad works in B2B marketing. He came by my school for career day and said he was a big row as man. Then he told everyone how much he loved calculating his return on ad spend. My friend still laughing at me to this day. Not everyone gets B2B. But with LinkedIn, you'll be able to reach people who do. Get $100 credit on your next ad campaign. Go to linkedin.com/results to claim your credit. That's linkedin.com/results. Terms and conditions apply. LinkedIn, the place to be, to be. Hey, I'm Ryan Reynolds. Recently, I asked Mint Mobile's legal team if big wireless companies are allowed to raise prices due to inflation. They said yes. And then when I asked if raising prices technically violates those owners to your contracts, they said, "What the f*ck are you talking about? You insane Hollywood f*ck s*ck." So to recap, we're cutting the price of Mint Unlimited from $30 a month to just $15 a month. Give it a try at mintmobile.com/switch. $45 up front for three months plus taxes and fees from all eight renew customers for limited time. Unlimited more than 40 gigabytes per month. Slows. Full turns at mintmobile.com. Four pillows in the bed. Floss them all up. And then get the duvet, right? That takes an age because there's two of us in the bed now and some of us are messy than others. So I've got to get that all right or the dimensions, right? Make sure it's even on both sides. Unfold it a little bit. Then I have to get a throw, a pink throw. This usually has fallen off the bed at this point. Put that at the bottom of the bed in the place that it should be in. Then I need to get six, no less than six cushions and place them in the correct formation that shy likes. And I have to redo them off because you never do them for a while. And I promise you, she does them. And then I have to get one of her toys, one of her many fluffy toys that I've bought for her by the way. And if you just let little kids play with, I don't know, a place that's somewhere on the bed. Okay, because they're not toys to be paid your time. That's so long. You've created 500% more work for me. Yeah. Well, as before, we just do the, just get a duvet. But still, the room looks nicer. Obviously, the room looks nicer, but I'm just saying you've created more work for me. Because after some of the duvet, you eat is my duty. Yeah, because you can't- Making the bed is my duty. Because I can't get up like that. Yeah, yeah. But even though like, you're late, I do it. Why the- why have I ever been late? Like your time is if I have to go to work super early, like two months or something. I can guarantee you that never happens. I'm always awake before you. That's not- And your early means if I have to do a Manchester by 12, so I just leave him- No, what about the two, three times that I've had the bunnies? After an argument where I've said to you that I'm tired, I haven't had a lay-in. A lay-in, lay-in. A lay-in. A lay-in. That's a mistake, right? A lay-in. All right, but the point is, is that we both do stuff as 50/50 as one. No, it's not. Don't take me down to a level of life, I'm not doing- It's only 50/50 in the relationship of incompetence. No, no, no. What was then? No. So far, all you've said is, ah, you didn't put a towel behind the door, and the pillows are not in the correct foot, and fluffed enough to my liking. So far, I'm looking like a rat dream boy. You ever saw the signal light out in my car? You signalized fine, actually. Even why is that thing, uh, the thing you're coming up on that? The flush. Yeah. I don't know about that, but remember when I checked you on the outside and you put all the signals on, I could see what the lights were on the side. You didn't know, but that still needs to be- Like, I didn't- You put oil in your car last week. Because you had to, because your car was in the garage, and you had to get my car. But you didn't answer the question. You put oil in the car last week. You benefited from that. Who put oil in the car last week? No, that wasn't right, that wasn't right. Not petrol, oil. But how many times would you- I'd go to the shop and go to the shop, get oil, lift the bonnet up, and screw the oil cap, pour it in, spend one of a two and a half minutes while it pour in. You know what I mean? You don't get- You know what it is? These are the women's, yeah. They don't give me credit for the things you need. You know they're these women, though. Women's, yeah. These women. Yeah, because obviously I'm talking to people who are listening to this. I'm listening to this- Women. Took into a people who also have women's in their life, yeah. Yeah. So I'm saying- And also the women's who are listening. With women's, yeah. They focus on the things that they get upset about, or they'll be doing wrong. No, that's not true. I'm saying, obviously that's happened. I do appreciate it. The thing is that we do, right? You're like, you've benefited from me. No, I did, I did, I was very grateful when you top my car up with a full tank, and I was like, even I don't do that. Why did that twice, didn't I? Yeah, that was really nice of you. That was sweet of you. And then you told me I've been thanking you like that. Oh yeah, that was a bit. Yeah. Why did you thank you for that? It's so necessary. I think you got me flowers, actually, in London. I did. Yeah. Very nice flowers. Yeah, that was really nice. I'm hitting them home on lots of streets. And you bought some coffee and cakes for me that day. I did, and sushi. And sushi. Yeah, that's the most I cried when I bought you sushi. Yeah, because I was meant to meet my friends for sushi, but I remember I woke up late for I missed my alarm. She woke up late, guys. Mr. alarm. Oh yeah, but why did I wake up late, Ted? Because you're lazy. I don't know. There are many reasons for it. No. You're lazy. No. You're incompetent. You don't like work. You don't respect your job. I don't know the laws of reasons. The laws of reasons why you missed one more complete. So what happened was that we left. This is for the wedding, isn't it? That was in London. Yeah, but also we had to get into it. We weren't your sisters because it was your sister's son's birthday. We spent a couple of hours there. It was my nephew's birthday. Yeah. What did I buy him? It was a PS5. Best Uncle Ever. That was sweet. Yeah, I got one. And then we had to leave. Where is this PS5? Oh, it's that odd. But, but. Do you know what's really funny? Me and Ted are like the strict auntie and uncle. We have no kid, by the way. And we. Yet. Yet. In Charlotte. In Charlotte. And we are the strict auntie and uncle. So my nephew, one of my nephews is misbehaving, Ted's his sister's son. And as a former punishment because he's not, he's not doing well in school. We've taken them. I would say he's not doing well in life. That's not nice. I've diagnosed him and I think he's a sociopath. That's tough. No, what is the definition of sociopath? It's like someone who doesn't care about anyone's feelings or empathy for anything, isn't it? That's easy to take. But. Not a psychopath. I just want to reiterate the difference. It's not a psychopath, but it's a sociopath. Psychopaths are one that hurt animals. Psychopaths are the one that hurt people in it. Psychopaths are the one that don't care about anyone. Yeah, I don't think you can diagnose them this early. All right, well, it's done. And so we've got his iPad and the PlayStation because until he hasn't. No, obviously we've confiscated his iPad. His mum confiscated it. She leaves their eyes. And you can come here once a day for an hour a day to use it. If he goes to school, that's the minimum requirement. Go to school, bloody hell. Anyway, so I bought PSI for the young, well, for him and his younger brother, the joint president. That was really sweet. But we're keeping it here during turn time. And if they behave, they can have it during holidays and days. So basically, we've got a PS5 downstairs. So we left his sisters. What time does it release? Nine. Yeah. And we drove to London and I said to Tez, I was tired. And I said, if I missed my alarm in the morning, or if I'm, no, I said, if I'm tired, I'm going to be really pissed off. And then the worst thing is when I woke up, I was thinking to myself, oh, I feel really refreshed. I can't believe you're welcome. I was like, bitch, you're welcome. And then you had the audacity. I panicked. I woke up a quarter past 10. So I missed my two stand out. And my first meeting was with my manager. I'm a manager's manager. But I'm so lucky that I'm really good managers. And I told the truth. But the worst thing is, is when I got my laptop, Tez was like, shh. No. You got this terrible habit. Obviously, the whole family can't be helped yet. But it also happens sometimes at home, basically got this terrible habit of grabbing her laptop. I'm coming to bed. And she does the meetings from bed. And Shai doesn't have a whisper voice. She doesn't have a sort of like, oh, someone's sleeping next to me. I use a sort of quieter, softer voice. She, whatever voice you're hearing now is the same energy she'll give to this meeting at 9 a.m. Why is that I'm asleep next to her? And there's a whole empty house, where there's four different rooms she could go in to have this meeting in. I was like, hi guys! And I'm like, what the fuck up man? Monster on the sleep here. Yeah, but the reason why I'm tired, and if I sleep late is because you're in your work, Tez. You said that. Yes, it's your life. You said that. Yeah, but I lived the life that I lived. I cultivated, like you say, a life of mine. And then I met you. You were just boring. And then it just kind of all unraveled that. Your life is boring before you met me. I don't think it was. No, there was a big gap before. No, no, no. There was a big gap before. I was thinking, I don't want to be mean to you. Big gap in her denial. And I had a fun life. I had a very quiet calm life. Quiet life, yeah. It was calm. Yeah, calm, calm, quiet. I miss that sometimes. Yeah, we all obviously miss. You've never had a quiet calm. Yeah, sometimes I'll eat Christian. I'm like, oh, I wonder what really salty this thing is. Do you know what I mean? A grab a hula hoops really salty. Because I miss it and that. Anyway, that's what we argued about this week. So we argued about you leaving the window open and letting draft. I mean, that wasn't an argument, but okay. Because I don't argue. I was tired. Because I don't make mountain. That's that. I don't make mountain at the moment. That's another. So that's another serious discussion. So that's the lesson for you to learn from this. Is that when I fuck up, Ted's the McMountain or Molehills. But when he fucks up, I carved Mount Everest or was essentially at Anthehill. Do you fuck up multiple times a day? Whatever, I probably fuck up once every three months. You know, like little things in it. So I think the thing that we've learned this week is that. And this will believe that people are listening at home. Guys, if you have a partner and you look back at your last seven days and the only thing you can bring up to complain about. Because you're laughing because you know, that's not the only thing. The fact that they might have left a dump towel on the bed once or twice in that week, yeah, you're blessed. You look at that partner and you tell them how much you love them. You are truly blessed. God has blessed you. You are one of his blessed children. What are they talking about? You're so lucky. That's all you have to complain about. Wow. What a top blood I am. That's basically the resolution for this week. No, that is not the resolution. That's what you should be doing. Yes, I will. Without me thinking, this shouldn't be a thing. All right. And then from now on, hopefully. Okay, we'll see what happens next week. We'll see what happens next week. Well, didn't we? I'm guilty. There's going to be multiple times where that will happen. I'm more healing this week to close the windows. So they don't get draft. So that our heating bill doesn't. I have learned to have a backup alarm because when I'm overtired, I'm reviving my life around your lifestyle. My exciting lifestyle. The chances are that I made me smile alarm and I'm never going to do that again. Although I say the day you missed your alarm, you got a pay rise at work. So that was a bad timing as well. 100% of the times you've missed your alarm since you've met me, you've got a pay rise. What? How have you? So, wow. I can't think of a genuine... I'm inferring myself there because you should have given me an order of applause. No. So to do it for myself. And I'm just baffled as you came for a conclusion. Right, let's move on. Do do do do jingle jingle jingle, bright, shy. What have you got for me this week? Oh, so did you know, right? I've got loads of animal facts of the week, but this is something that I've thought about because when we went to Abu Dhabi and we saw those dolphins, dolphins deliberately provoked puff of fishes so then they can release his toxins that they can get high over. What? Yeah! So those things... Yeah. By the way, dolphins are an absolute menace. Yeah. They follow the number two menace in the world after humans. They're an absolute knob-eds, right? They're really cute. They've got dicks coming out of their faces, right? They are absolute knob-eds, right? They go up to puff of fishes. Yeah, and they provoke them. Poor puff of fishes. Just minding their own business. Yeah. Do you want to puff of fishes and be like... Yeah. And then the puff of fish will release the toxic... like a toxic... Yeah, one of them comes out and they'll get fat. And then the dolphins will smell it or... Whoa! And then they'll get high. How cool is that? They'll be the male equivalent. But how do they even come to that conclusion? How do they find that out? No, that's easy to find out. So one day, you might have accidentally annoyed the puff of fish. Right. Right? Because that could happen. You're going to see you shine in the same space. And then all you accidentally streamed past... from past a puff of fish. Streamed? You know, you're in the stream. Streamed, yeah. Of a puff of fish. You're in the same lane, whatever. Anyway, you come across a puff of fish. Either someone thing else has provoked it and it's like pumped up and released these toxins. Or you actually deadly provoked it. And released these toxins. And one fish have them many years ago. One dolphin, sorry. How many years ago could have been... 20, 30, 50, 50 years ago. It's gone back to tell his lab. And he's like, come on mate. Got affected by this toxin. And he's like, I don't mind anything like that. 11, 9. And they're telling us that's going, you know what? Yeah. And it's fucking muck-bump-bump over there. Yeah, let's go. Smell its... What smell its farts? Yeah. And his friends are like, are you fucking larry? Are you mental? You're telling us that, fucking muck-fat-fat over there, I'm going to have to go smell its farts. Oh, they made you go there. And then when you know what, we do it, there's one time and the men's not going to kill you. And then they go there and they smell its farts and they like, wow. But they just get high-tech. And then they just use the totally dolphin network to tell everyone else. That's crazy. Do you know how funny that is? Oh, it's really funny. Like, imagine a dolphin just bored one day. And they're like, I just want to get high. So I'm going to go and find a puffer fish. How do they know where the puffer fish is at? Because the oceans are massive, you know? Like, oceans are vast. Yeah. So how would they even know? Maybe the puffer fish. Unless the puffer fish have got, like, placed with the generally old result. Yeah. And then the puffer fish is like, oh shit. He's back again. Oh, he wants to fix. You know? Maybe the puffer fish gets off on you as well, though. No, I don't think so. You're like a dominatrix. You're not one of those people, like, who are like, you get, like, high? Like, they feel similar of someone that's getting high. Oh, they definitely communicate, probably. Does it feel like, come on. Like, you know, people who like being pissed on. That, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a lot that have fetishism. Yeah, the people that have fetishism like mean pissed on. There's a thing for it. What's it called? The actual thing. What golden shower? Yeah, that's it. Yeah. So people who like receiving golden showers. Mm. Obviously, I don't know what they get out of it, but they obviously get some out of it. Mm. Um, tango blast. But the people who are, the people who are doing the pissing, maybe they get some out of it. Yeah, I think some say- I think it's still dominating, isn't it? Yeah, some mean, maybe the puffer fish is getting power. Maybe the puffer fish is getting more of it. I don't think they, I feel like- We don't know what the high effect is. Are they, like, giggling? Do they get, like, paranoid? Like, I reckon the puffer fish is getting some out of it. Well, maybe I should be looking for that. I don't think, I genuinely think that as a puffer fish are in distress. And that's quite bad. But the dolphins get high for a moment. If they're just passing them around like- But dolphins, like- If the dolphins are passing around like a tennis ball. What can you imagine? I'm just sniffing your spots. That is very funny. That is very funny. Nah, I'll rate it up on that. Yeah, but that's your fact of the week. Up on fish, the ones that Chinese people eat, that could be poisonous. I think so. They're really expensive ones. No, no, no, it's not. It's another one. There's one in it that, like, if you prepared it wrong, you die. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a lot of puffer fish. I'm not sure. But- Yes, it is. So the toxic tours, but dolphins are like smelling their thoughts. That's so funny. Maybe they're releasing that- Clearly, they are poisonous. Yeah, yeah, I know that. Because humans can dive, they eat it wrong. And then these dolphins are getting high. If they're poisonous, the dolphins don't eat- Well, obviously, dolphins have got different immune systems or whatever tours, isn't it? So, maybe humans should- Well, it's less- And if a puffer fish has fought, and see what it does to us. But I'm not quite interested in- Do you know what? As your facts go- That is interesting to know. That is interesting to know, but- I told you. Now, it's my turn to review Shai's purchase of the week. Shai? You don't know Shai. But if a day goes by, where she doesn't get some sort of Amazon Sheen Timu package, it's a bad day. It's a sad day for Shai. She's a shopaholic. She has a problem. I get a lot of stuff for the house now, though. Sure, whatever it is, isn't that what it's for? It could be for someone else, but you still have to get a package. That's your puffer fish box. It's getting a package from Timu. Or sheen or whatever, yeah. So, but I don't want to review a purchase this week. What I do want to talk about is the fact that your sister supplies you with designer goods- on a semi-regular basis. So, yesterday, we were at our sister's house. I love my sister. And, yes, this is great. She's my favorite sister, actually, this one. And we've gotten there, and she's got a nice new Burberry jacket on. Yeah, that was nice. And you're like- And you're fishing. No, I wasn't talking about that. You were like- I wasn't talking about that. You were like, oh, that's nice. You were a spare one. And she's like, no Shai. I don't want to spare Burberry jacket, actually. And then she went, "Oh, I don't want a Versace jacket that I don't- Versace." Not like next. Not H&M. Not all saints. Versace. Yeah, I do have a Versace jacket that I bought recently, that I'm probably not going to wear. She goes upstairs, and we're going to use the word again. She gets a Versace puffer jacket. With Shai tries on. Oh, of course! Magically, she's a perfect fit. And then now Shai's got a Versace jacket. Yeah, it's really nice. And then I'm like, "Where's my Versace jacket?" I'm looking at her husband. I'm like, "Don't you have a Versace jacket?" Like, you don't want that I can have. And apparently he doesn't- I think that's the perks with being the youngest, though. I am quite spoiled by my sisters. I have to say, especially that one. Yeah. She gets a lot of designer stuff that Shai either borrows or takes. I do have a lot of her designers, though. How much of her stuff is in the house right now? Probably not. Quite a lot. No, she doesn't know a lot. Oh, she doesn't know. I know she doesn't know about she handbags, but I've told her. Like, she forgot about them. That counts and she doesn't want them anymore. Yeah, I guess. Okay, but at some point, if you've ever like- Shai, have you seen mine? I've been putting my Gucci bag. I've been putting my Gucci bag. What are you going to do in that scenario? I've been like- I just met her. I'm not going to lie to her. Yeah, that's fair. But she's really kind, though. She'd be like, "Oh, okay." She'd be like, "Can I borrow my Gucci bag, please?" Can I borrow it back, please? Oh, my God. All right. Well, that's my- It's a very nice jacket. I tried it on. It doesn't fit me, sadly. So it's not something I can borrow. Because I think it's weird that I'm the youngest child and I'm the eldest daughter-in-law, yeah. Like an Asian household. And people don't understand that when you're the Asian- in Asian families, it could be in actually, it could be in other cultures. We don't know that. In our culture, that's all we can do. In our culture, I feel that eldest daughter-in-law, you're kind of like- Comes with a lot of responsibility. Yeah. You're a big baby. Yeah. You're like, "You're in charge, basically." You're in charge- and I don't feel like I'm a kid. She has not taken that role on her. I've taken that role. She has not been- She's not built for that role. Agony aunt and uncle, where we stole- this is a great story. Oh, yeah, it's just really sad. No, this is really out. Oh, that should be the out. It should be really out, almost exactly. Because in how they write it is also very funny. But do we do- So this is a section of the show where we will either solve your dilemmas or we'll solve a dilemma that we found on Muslim Reddit. And Muslim Reddit is like regular Reddit, just Muslim people telling us their problems. A lot of the time is to do- It's very funny. Well, a lot of fun is not the right word. I have a six-cent of humor, so I do find it quite funny sometimes. I'm going to have to paraphrase this because this is- I've lost that. But there was the basic- So you need it. You need to find- You need to go back- Okay. But this one, it doesn't suck video. Yeah, no, so you need to go and find it then. This is too fat for my husband. Nobody took this time. This is a little bit so- Look at this, it's a little bit inside there. For a bit of me like that, this is a shit- And you need to visit my dad. Is that their real life story? This is hilarious. Maybe they could have- Maybe they could have titled it a bit differently. You're an asshole, I know that. Oh, do you reckon her thoughts get you high? No, because you're going to feel bad when I tell you the story. Go on to me, the story. She's obviously- She wrote it in a sheet. Where they're from? The other thing where they're from? No, they're UK based. They're UK based, don't they? No, they're UK based. Because they're Muslim and UK right there. And they're mostly- So you don't have the desi or Arab or- Don't you have them? No, it doesn't include that. But the majority of them usually Muslim Reddit stories are talking about either my husband's cheating on me or the- That's all very sad. Yeah. But this is hilarious. This is why I thought it would be different. Gone. So she- But let's say she- Do the title again. I don't know why the owner of the account decided to title it like that. Because- Gone. So she's 28, yeah, and he's 45. Oh wow, that's quite a big age, yeah. Quite a big age, yeah. But anyway, she said that. Yeah, Mary, we've ended the meeting. So they've been together. They've been together for 60 years. So she went with, she was 22. How does he then? 39, 38. I think it's a big age gap, isn't it? I'm just kidding. But then there was quite a big age gap, my mum and dad. Yeah, that's fine. Yeah, that's where it is. And so she said- The limit is gap between Jemima Colin in one con. Oh yeah, I did love them too. Yeah, go on. I'm one of those things. All support is that comment going, Jemima Khan, you are the queen of our coach. We love you. We love you. We still love you. You are the queen of the country. What's Jemima? So basically, he's turned around and said to her that I don't want to cuddle you. You give you affection anymore because you're too fat. But listen, it gets worse. She gave birth six months ago. No, no, that's really bad. How fucked up is that? It's really bad. So she's always- What was the background rude? Did they give a background on what they- She said she was a little bit overweight when I met him. Okay. But I gained 30 pounds. I don't know how much that is, what, 30 pounds? 30 pounds is about two stones. Okay, but she had a baby tear. She was in that. That's me. You're telling me the story. No, I know that. Why are you saying you're like that to me for- Yeah, I think I'm annoyed at him. Yeah, sure. Okay, so she's about two stones. Yeah, so he's obviously the nicest to her. About 15 kilos. So she's given birth six months. She had a C-section which is quite important because she obviously when you have a C-section, you can't, you know, take a little while to- Right. Okay, you're more in mobile afterwards. Yeah. And then he basically said to her that, "Oh, I don't think I've released you all up. I don't want to get affectionate or intimate with you." Because you're too fat. Because you're too fat. Fast forward. That's really messed up. She goes, "I don't know why I've messaged him. I don't know what I'm looking for." People in the comments are like, "Are you stupid?" Like, leave him. Like, how dare he kind of thing. Would you try to know? But we had this conversation. I said to you, "What we should do if I gained weight?" Yeah, what do I say? You said to me, you'd get me a gym membership. No. What do I say? You said something about making me work. Yeah, I probably have jokes in the line. But you know what? I have noticed, yeah. And he tells his jokes by the way. I know he's all said to me, "He'll love me regardless," whatever. But when people get married, that if the man will gain weight, and people are like, "Oh my God, I came. He's happy he's this and that." When the dog gains weight, it's like, "It turns into like this thing." Yeah. Why? Oh, society and shit. Never why, though. Which are me? I don't know. I find it weird. Expectations on men and women, and obviously sometimes it looks like. The more women will say that, "Oh, I'd still love him, even if he was gain weight," and stuff like that. Because I guess women and men look for different things, relationships, don't they? Like, men might be more superficial in terms of like beauty and looks and stuff like that, whereas what women's products are stuff like. I'm generalizing, obviously. But women's priorities might be stuff like safety and what's what I'm looking for? Provisions and providing for, and stuff like that. So, like, it's different needs that they have. Yeah. Generally, I'm obviously, I'm generalizing. But I can't understand, especially the situation, and she gave birth, and I thought, "What an asshole." Well, no, this is a probably prick for that. Yeah. Yeah. Definitely. But some of them, some of the comments are like, they, some people comment on it, and some of them are like, "Well, she should lose weight." And I'm like, "It's not as easy as that. You don't just suddenly lose your baby weight after you give birth." So, what's your, what's your advice to sister Julie Rancher's over here? Oh, my God. I would literally, first of all, I'd like to see how much he weighs, because I can guarantee that he's not going to eat. You don't know anything. You don't know anything. You have to give her advice. I... We didn't know why he looked like... You didn't have to. I thought quite strongly about things like this. I thought we'd say to her that... Well, I'll tell you what I think, then you tell me what you think, then I'll tell you what I think. At the moment, we don't know anything about him. So, let's assume he's the normal looking guy, right? And he's holding... Let us say he's an average looking guy. And he's average. And he's average. And lose weight or else. I don't want to be near you, basically. That's ultimately what he's saying. That's horrible. Yeah, so she... I don't think she should detain him at all. I think she should... They should have time out, or something, or whatever, to he realises, or some sort of... Because I'm hesitant. I'm always hesitant about saying to people to split out, because I think... Yeah, that's... That's quite strong. It's quite a strong thing to do. But I don't have a lot of sympathy for him. I feel like I'd want to beat the shit out of him. Okay. So, that's not where he lives. Yeah. Maybe we should... We should have called him underneath. Feed him some pufferfish. How rude they... Guys, what would you do faster than that to you? Hang on, let me have a scenario, yeah? If you go on birth. I'd go to your mum. Beat. Let me give you the scenario first. I hear them. So, this is the problem I have, guys. Six months in. I mean, sorry. You go on birth. Yeah. Right, six months later, you do a big fight, you don't buy it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, don't just lodge a meal. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. First of all, I'd call. Yeah. Yeah. And then, I'm like... You know, don't hold my hand. People are saying we're together and they've got my hand. That's pretty sad. Even saying them, that's quite funny. No, it's quite sad. But let's just go through the scenario. Mm-hmm. They're like, "Oh, I'd like to hold my pudgy fingers." 'Cause I'd like to hold my pudgy fingers. 'Cause I'd like to hold my pudgy fingers. 'Cause I'd like to hold my pudgy fingers. 'Cause I'd like to hold my pudgy fingers. 'Cause I'd like to hold my pudgy fingers. 'Cause I'd like to hold my pudgy fingers. 'Cause I'd like to hold my pudgy fingers. 'Cause I'd like to hold my pudgy fingers. Like, King Charles fingers. 'Cause King Charles fingers. 'Cause I'd like to hold my pudgy fingers. 'Cause I'd like to hold my pudgy fingers. 'Cause I'd like to hold my pudgy fingers. 'Cause I'd like to hold my pudgy fingers. 'Cause I'd like to hold my pudgy fingers. 'Cause I'd like to hold my pudgy fingers. 'Cause I'd like to hold my pudgy fingers. 'Cause I'd like to hold my pudgy fingers. 'Cause I'd like to hold my pudgy fingers. 'Cause I'd like to hold my pudgy fingers. 'Cause I'd like to hold my pudgy fingers. 'Cause I'd like to hold my pudgy fingers. 'Cause I'd like to hold my pudgy fingers. 'Cause I'd like to hold my pudgy fingers. 'Cause I'd like to hold my pudgy fingers. 'Cause I'd like to hold my pudgy fingers. 'Cause I'd like to hold my pudgy fingers. 'Cause I'd like to hold my pudgy fingers. 'Cause I'd like to hold my pudgy fingers. 'Cause I'd like to hold my pudgy fingers. 'Cause I'd like to hold my pudgy fingers. It's happening now, right? So, she's got to a certain size. Obviously, she's given birth. There's extra in it. And even if the challenge given birth, it's still a Hollywood thing to happen, right? Yeah. So, but she's got herself to a certain size. And the husbands, like, the husbands. So, if you're the husband now in that scenario, and you're like, "Oh, I don't think maybe my wife was going to have a physical day she did when we first got together, or I'm also maybe worried about her health. Maybe it's not a good size for her." But you could say it that night. I'm some saying something, what would... 'Cause there might be people listening who might get into that situation where they might have a husband with a sport weight on, or they might have a wife with a sport weight on, or they might have a different family member who has a sport weight on, and they'd like to tackle the subject in a way that's not like this, obviously. What would you recommend? How would you recommend people approach that subject? Or do you recommend that she just leave it and she just lives her life, and she just accept it? No, I feel like it's quite interesting. I feel like people, it's how... You have to think of how people are when you meet them. If you met your wife, she was a voluptuous, heavier person, and she was happy, and this is who she is, and this is who you fell in love with, then we turned around and say that later, and say, "Oh, do you know what, actually? I'm not attracted to you anymore." Yeah, I completely agree with you. But in the situation where she wasn't as big as she is now... She's had a baby, you know. I'm saying. I know. How would you... If you were the husband in the situation... Or you could... So either you... So there's two things in there. Either you fully accept it, and you're like, "Listen, whatever you look like, regardless, I'm never going to say anything. I accept it. I love you beyond..." And whatever you look like or don't look like, I love you full stop. Or there's a scenario where you... Or the middle ground is... Or the other thing is that he did, which is horrible, that I obviously do don't recommend doing that while prick. Or there's the third one, which is... Maybe my wife looked better when we met, then she does... Or in his mind, she looked better than me now. But I think this is the common thing, you know. I see lots of Reddit stories, and this tends to happen when women do either get married or they have kids. A lot of men put they on as well. They do, but I think men... Unlike you just said, men do tend to... They're more visually like, "Oh, my wife must look a certain way." But I think ultimately, when a woman... When she becomes a mum or a wife, she's doing lots of stuff. And she stops taking care of herself, because she's taking care of everything else, right? And that happens a lot, doesn't it? So this, I think, a man needs to realise that the woman he marries, she's not going to be that same person that he met on day one, or even day 365, or day two years, or day three years or whatever. I'm not going to be like this when we have kids. But not just about appearance, generally everything, mindset, everything, because your woman, especially if you have kids, is going to transition into a mother, when she does that, her priorities will change. Yeah. She will then transition into... You know, motherhood will change her, because she's not going to be the same person the day she gets birth to when your kids are older. And if you have more than one kid, that's something that's going to be a difference as well. You're going to change as you get older, the way you and your priorities will change as your kids get older as well. And you have some... And you've got to love the person you've married. Yeah. Through those phases, you're going to love her as your wife, and as a mother, and as a, as a, as a, as a, you know, if you've got, if you're in a tradition set up where... Well, there's some women, some women might even get better after children. Yeah, you can't decide, you can't. It depends how involved the man is as well. Yeah, completely. Because if you were doing all the stuff, hands on and stuff, and then it gives more time for the women. Okay, so what we're saying to, to this lady here, what does she need to do? If she was listening to this... Believe it or not. What do you reckon? Leave it at last. Okay, I'll just contradict myself. I think that she should have time out, and she needs... We don't know the full story, we don't... Who does she need to talk to? Like, how should she approach it? You know, 'cause she's the age. It's upset, it's a terrible name. I'm hoping she's got some sort of network, or, you know, she's got a mum and dad, or sisters and siblings. She should, she should take time out away from him, I think, instead of having that. And also, I don't know how she could trust him after this, because you'd be terrified, I don't know, maybe you get pregnant again, or you can wait again, and you're like, I'm not going to... This shallow bastard. Yeah, yeah. I couldn't, I could never be with someone like that. I don't know. Noted. Yeah. How do you want me to say? I'd probably be like, "Oh, babe, "treats back time, don't we start, like, "we start working out, come?" Oh, I was thinking about losing weight, and then, and then giving me the side out. (laughing) Do you think I should lose weight, babes? Like that. Then I say, "Yeah, but you've joined the gym recently, "so, I know how it feels." Guys, that is the end of the episode. Thank you so much for listening. Before we do our end, which is what we're grateful for this week, thank you for listening. Please, please subscribe to our podcast, wherever you get your podcast, whether it's an Apple, Spotify, Google podcasts, or anywhere else you get them. Acast, big up Acast. Leave a five-star rating in any of these places. If they allow you to, that will help the podcast get great reach. So, guys, thank you so much for listening. Shy, as we're leaving. What are you grateful for this week? For you, or for anything? I mean, it'd be nice if it was me, but anything. I'm grateful about you brought those flowers, and I think you brought them, because when I was having a really shit day, and I didn't expect it, that was quite sweet. I appreciate that. I appreciate the fact that you bring me flowers, isn't dictated by certain events or scenarios, and it's always quarantine. It's because I'm not talking. I don't really know. I appreciate... Does that really end up much at all? Okay, thank you for listening, everybody. See you next week, bye! Good taste is easy to spot, but hard to pin down. You know it when you see it. And in today's culture, there's no greater signifier of taste than the car you drive. You want something sophisticated, but not stodgy. Daring it yet, classic. Approachable, but with an air of opulence. That's where the Range Rover Evoke comes in. 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