Bitchslap

Melrose Place S4 E4 - Simply Shocking

Brooke goes to Florida, Peter lives at the psych ward, Michael smells a lawsuit, Jake has a houseguest, Jo senses Richard has an ego, Jane has a fashion show, Alison can see, Matt gets drunk, Amanda has a secret, Billy reads the paper, Kimberly is still locked up, and Sydney has sex.

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Broadcast on:: 25 Sep 2024
Audio Format:: other

Hey I'm Ryan Reynolds, recently I asked Mint Mobile's legal team if big wireless companies are allowed to raise prices due to inflation, they said yes. And then when I asked if raising prices technically violates those owners to your contracts, they said, "What the f*ck are you talking about? You insane Hollywood f*ck!" So to recap, we're cutting the price of Mint Unlimited from $30 a month to just $15 a month. Give it a try at mintmobile.com/switch. Hey Prime members, are you tired of ads interfering with your favorite podcasts? Good news! With Amazon Music, you have access to the largest catalog of ad-free top podcasts, included with your Prime membership. To start listening, download the Amazon Music app for free, or go to amazon.com/adfreepodcasts. That's amazon.com/adfreepodcasts. To catch up on the latest episodes without the ads. Hi, welcome to Bitch Slap. This is Rachel Fisher. This is Dazzy Jadakin. And this is Melrose Place, Season 4, Episode 4. Simply shocking. Simply shocking. The cold open is an ode to silence of the lambs. Yes. Michael is in the bowels of a prison for the criminally insane. He's the Clarice. He's playing Clarice in a scene. And he comes upon Kimberly Lecter in her cell. He doesn't get come thrown at him. No come. And she's like, hello Michael. And he's even wearing like, he looks like an FBI agent. He has like a badge on. Yeah. I mean, they're definitely playing it up. Yeah. And I like it. I like it too. And she bursts out of her cell and starts stabbing him. But it's a nightmare. It is satisfying, though, to see Michael finally get some, some beating the shit out of him. He wakes up in the hospital. And he's like traumatized. And he says, no way you're ever getting out. Yeah. He's like in, in that room with a locker sleeping. Yeah. After the opening credits, Billy wakes up to find Brooke is in the living room booking a round trip ticket to Miami. She's taking it too far. She's on the horn with her travel agent. And she's also holding a photo copy of Amanda's ID as if she needs to be like looking at this to remind herself why she's booking the ticket with no fear that Billy will be like, what's that? Because not like she's booking it under Amanda's name. Why is she doing this? This is, why are you? This is so much work. Why wouldn't you just be like, I found your second ID? What are you hiding? Also, it's not that weird to think someone might have been married previously and doesn't want people to know about it or it ended in an annulme. Do you know what I mean? Like, it's not necessarily that suspicious. I don't think this is the smoking gun that she thinks it is. Well, it does turn out to be a big deal and it seems. I just think initially seeing it, I wouldn't be like, oh, that's weird. I just don't get the Miami trip. Is this just like to find out T? I guess it's before the internet. You had to like go there. Yeah. Billy's like, it's kind of hot down in Florida this time of year, huh? You go into Florida, why? And she's like, there's an investment opportunity there, real estate and thinking of putting my $10,000 into it. This makes zero sense. And why is Billy not asking more questions? Like, this is crazy. Also, only $10,000. What real estate are you buying with that? Yeah. I feel it's just not, no one's going to be like, okay, you get 0.001% of the condo. Like, what if they don't need her money? This is crazy. And then Billy tries to take a drink of orange juice straight from the pitcher. He's holding it with both hands and he's like about to take a drink. Classic billing. This is what it would be like living with this man. I would honestly be fainting with rage, like daily. At Jake's, he's explaining Shelly to Joe while Shelly is in the shower because this bozo let her spend the night. What was her plan? If I was Joe, I'd be like, we are not getting back together because this is a stupid fuck. Why would you let Jess's ex wife who you've never met before, spend the night? Also, why would you not call me immediately that night to let me know what's happening? Yeah. Like, that's crazy. Like, hey, this is, I don't know how to get out of this. Right. But Jess's ex showed up and she has nowhere to stay. I'd be like, sorry, lady. I don't know you. And my brother was a con artist. So right. And you'd look like no offense. It's not good company. Joe is obviously not happy. And Jake is like, Oh, and she doesn't even know the details of how Jess died. And Joe's like, well, you can't tell her you killed him. What's he gonna say? Shelly comes out of the shower and meets Joe. And Joe's like rolling her eyes. She's like, great. This is weird. Like, I'm sorry. Jake is a dumbass for this. Also, just like her coming out from the shower, like directly. Do you know what I mean? Like, yeah, it's weird. I also love the writers are like, shit, we killed off, we killed off Jake's big storyline. That is true. We need how can we extend the Jess storyline? Let's like get female Jess. Because Joe and him ain't enough. Yeah. At the hospital, Michael's on the phone telling someone at the jail that Kimberly needs to be in maximum security. Sidney walks in carrying a stack of files and Peter walks over and he's like, Mancini, stay the hell out of Kimberly's case. Mr. Hobbs catches up to Peter and Michael in the hallway. And he's like talking about how we fired Matt, except he calls him the F word. I was shocked when that dropped from his mouth. Yeah, he just straight up calls Matt a slur. And Michael's pissed. And after Dr. Hobbs walks off, he's like, that bigoted bastard could lose his job for that. And he's pissed that someone would use a slur against Matt and fire him for being gay. But he's also excited at the prospect of getting something out of this. How can I do with this? There's something very funny about how evil Michael is. But he's like, hey, you don't talk that way about Matt. Yeah. No, he's like this morally bankrupt guy, except he's very progressive about social issues. Right. He's like, there's lots of reasons to treat Matt like shit. That's not one of them. So at D&D, Alison tells Amanda that her eyesight is coming back. And she's like, but you can't tell anyone because I don't want to let anyone know I can see until I have some personal issues resolved. And Amanda's like, oh, what do you mean, Billy? Like, oh, for Amanda, this is perfectly reasonable request. Yeah, she's like, oh, Billy, because Brooke won't like Billy see you if your eyesight's back. Whatever. Okay. You do you. Also, Amanda's gotten a new haircut. She's gotten some chunky layers. Yeah. She's like, she's got a variation of the Rachel. So she then tells Amanda that she saw Brooke going through her personal files. And Amanda immediately stomps off. And she stomps over to Brooke. And she's like, were you in my office without my permission recently? And Brooke's like, no, Amanda, why would you think that? And she's like, I'm keeping a close watch on you. That's when we see Amanda wandering out of the office slowly with like her hands out. Alison, we see Alison wander out of Amanda's office pretending to be blind. I like how she's more blind now that she's pretending to because we never saw her with her hands out really like that when she actually was blind. Yeah, she's overdoing it now. She's a little overdoing it. At Mackenzie Hart, Jane introduces Joe to a guy from the bank. Jane's a real flirty with this guy too. And he's buttering her up. He's like, wow, Mrs. Mann's or Miss whatever. Jane is Miss Mancini. You're so talented. We're excited to work with you and give you this line of credit. Richard's disgusting. He's so disgusting because he isn't one Jane to be the boss. He wants to be the boss. And Joe notices this. She's like, wow, that guy is a big ego, Jane. He can handle a strong woman. Jane follows Richard into his office and tries to seduce him. And she says, you smell nice. She says, you smell nice, Richard. We're almost there, honey. The show, our new line of credit. I love you, Richard. And he's like, what did you smell? The accused of smelling the bank guys. Like, does the bank guy smell nice too? Rakes. He's like, you're flattery. I've seen you do it with the bald bank. Your flattery means nothing. But he says, also, how is Jane getting a line of credit? Didn't she just go bankrupt? I'm sorry. No, Jane is like the Cody Brown of Melrose place, where banks just keep giving her loans when they have no business doing that. And if that's from her flirting, then she should keep it up because it's benefiting her. I look, I support it. Me too. Richard's like, I have something to show you, and it's an engagement ring. I like that you have this fight, and then immediately still propose in the office. In your office during business hours with the blinds surrounded by the blinds. They're like slightly open. This is so bad. And she's like, wait. And he says, enough talk. Marry me, Jane. And she's like, okay. But I don't want to wear the ring at work. I don't want any distractions. Shelly is at Jess's grave with Jake. And I was blown away to see that Jess was 26. I'm sorry. Yeah, that guy's like a 35. That was I was like 26. Come on. 30. Come on, maybe 30. He's in 90s, 26. No, that was crazy. Jake is like, all right. I killed Jess. We fell. It was an accident. And she's like, fine with it. She does not even care. She's like, Jess is crazy. That's Jess. That's crazy old Jess. Sounds like Jess fallen off a platform. That night at shooters, Matt is wasted. I love trunk mat. It's like better than drunk Jake. I think the two best drunk characters on the show are drunk Allison and drunk Matt, because it it's seemingly out of their character. Yes. And Matt is he's such a he's like a great drunk actor. How did he make his eyes so red? Like Allison was always like, I love it, but it's a little soap opera. He drunk, whereas Matt seemed like really serious. That was like a different kind of drunk. Matt was like a deep depression drunk. No, his eyes were, I could feel the sting, like the blood. And they were like, glassy. And he kind of looked like he was like about to puke. He looked so tightly wound and clammy. She was wet looking. I was like, damn. Truly, I think he's honestly the best actor on the show in a way. I love Doug Savant. I think he's so good. He's wasted at shooters. And Michael's like, look, Matt, I know why you were fired. Hobbs was bragging about firing you because you're gay. And he's like, no, this is grounds for a nice juicy lawsuit. And Matt's so smart. He's like, what's your cut, Michael? What do you want? 10%? Yeah, immediately. And he's like, whoa, whoa. Why would you suggest it, Matt? We're friends. This one's free of charge. Okay. So we'll finally get a shot at Chiefy's staff. I like how he can't keep up the facade any longer. He immediately is like, well, yeah, I do have an agenda. And Matt's like, I just want to forget it and move on. Well, Michael's not going to let that go. I mean, I get it because Matt's been down the getting fired for being gay road before. And he's probably feeling defeated and demoralized. And just it's like another one. Like I'm just done. Like his security did that. Give me something else. This time he's getting drunk about it. I love it. And I don't want him to stop being a drunk. That night at the prison psych ward, Kimberly is visited by her imaginary friend. This is where we learn his name's Henry. Yes, finally. And she's thrown a fit. And Peter is just there. She's getting sedated. And Peter walks in like, what's going on? I just arrived to 11 p.m. I truly need to know his schedule. I need to look at his file effects and see like what he's doing. Also, where is this place? Why is he there every day and night? Doesn't he have other business to do with her insanity defense? At least like also opening a new business seemed so stressful. I'm just laughing at her getting sedated and it's so crazy. And he just casually is like, whoa, what's happening? He just literally walks in at that moment. It's like he's waiting outside the door at all hours of the night in a folding chair with like a newspaper waiting for something to happen. Yeah. So Kimberly has to go to shock therapy. And this is like so dramatic. It's like violent. Yeah. This was like such a thing to do back in the day with a shock therapy, electroshock therapy. And it's like a super violent crazy right thing. So yeah, she's taken in. She's got the thing in her mouth. She's writhing on the table. She's like, her whole body's going crazy. It's convulsing. Yeah. The next day, Billy is reading the paper to Allison and Brooke descends the stairs and makes a snarky comment because Billy was like, it's all good news. And everything in the newspaper is good news. That was pretty stupid. Sorry. Why is he doing that? Why would he do? Like she's not six. That was, I was pissed. She's blind. She wants you to read her the news, Billy. What is he reading her? It's all good. He's reading like Dear Abby. It's all good. It's just so dumb. He's reading someone's recipe. And I like the Brooke is there to shit on it. Yeah, Brooke's like, actually there was like five shootings and a bunch of traffic accidents today. And a child died. It was bad news in the paper. Allison's like, oh, hi, Brooke, bye, Brooke. And Brooke is talking to Billy and she's like, I don't know. Doesn't it seem like she's not even blind anymore? Imagine saying that. Like, even if I was 99% sure, I would just not say anything. I would say it to you. Yeah, we all have our person. But like, Billy, especially I wouldn't, because I was like, that's just going to make me look bad. No, it sucks for Brooke that she's alienated herself from everyone in the building by being such a bitch that she doesn't have anyone to like go get lunch with and be like, okay, but like T, like she could have done with Amanda if she wasn't trying to screw Amanda over, probably. Yeah, like how fun would that lunch be? Like, okay, but like seriously, like this is the evidence I have for why Allison's not blind anymore. Let me tell you that would be like one of those conversations where you realize you hate the same person. Yeah. Like, can I just say something? And they'd be like, oh my God, I noticed her blinking one. Like you start piling on the evidence of these little things that she's done. Yeah. Yeah. And it would be like the funnest lunch ever. I know. But too bad for Brooke. And Billy, of course, is like offended. Why would she do that? Yeah, he's like, if that were true, why wouldn't she tell us? Don Billy. So Brooke's like, I got to go to Miami. @burnsmancini, Sydney's like, why the hell are you trying to help Kimberly? She's crazy. And Peter's like, she does have issues. I'll give you that. Look, I can't deny. I like, he's like, she has issues. That's not a big deal. Like, but it's like funny because it's like, he's trying to push the opposite to the psychiatrist and the judges. She has issues. But it's also funny because it's like, thank you, Sydney, for finally asking the question the audience has been asking themselves. Right. No one understands this. And we get a hint of it, at least in this episode, because he says, well, I had a sister and she ended up locked away and I couldn't do anything about it. So he feels all this guilt about his sister being locked up in an institution. And then she also had issues. And then she died. Oh, yeah. And then I love Sydney says, I didn't know you had family. That was really funny for some reason. You have family. You came out of a person's womb that you were a demon. You just spawned. I didn't know you had family. What does that even mean? You were a baby? Exactly. Oh my God. He's like, he's shocked by this. He's like, yes, I did. But I don't anymore. That's like, just so funny to me that he reveals all this personal thing about his sister and his terror take away. It's so funny. He's telling this tragic story of his sister dying and she's like, wait, you have family. How is that your response? You have a mom and dad. What? I'm sorry. I know it's not the point of your story. And she is asking the important question. It's very true. Then she does something else iconic. He leaves the office or he goes out of the receipt. He goes back in his office or whatever. And as soon as he leaves the room, she calls Michael and she's like, Michael, I got to tell you, it's like that classic Sydney mode where she's like, looking for her shoulder and immediately doing so good. Let's take a quick break here. We'll be right back. Hey, prime members, are you tired of ads interfering with your favorite podcasts? Good news. With Amazon music, you have access to the largest catalog of ad-free top podcasts included with your prime membership. To start listening, download the Amazon music app for free or go to amazon.com/adfreepodcasts. That's amazon.com/adfreepodcasts to catch up on the latest episodes without the ads. Hey, I'm Ryan Reynolds. Recently, I asked Mint Mobile's legal team if big wireless companies are allowed to raise prices due to inflation. They said, yes. And then when I asked if raising prices technically violates those onerous to your contracts, they said, what the f*ck are you talking about? You insane Hollywood f*ck. So to recap, we're cutting the price of Mint Unlimited from $30 a month to just $15 a month. Give it a try at mintmobile.com/switch. $45 up front for three months plus taxes and fees promoting for new customers for limited time. Unlimited more than 40 gigabytes per month slows. Full turns at mintmobile.com. At shooters, a man named Tom from the LA office of the gay and lesbian rights coalition introduces himself to Matt. And he's like, I'm offering you free legal services because I heard about what happened at your job. And he's like, great. Did Michael contact you? And he's like, well, yes. Matt's like, just trying to have a drink. Matt, Michael's doing some serious leg work. I know. He's contacted this guy and sent him over to shooters. He's like, yeah, he can be drunk. Excuse me, it's shooters. And Matt's like, well, Michael's motives are anything but altruistic. He's like, I don't care because this is a real case we have. Yeah, I mean, like who doesn't really matter. It really did happen. And then Matt's like, I just want to be left alone. And he's like, well, you have a duty. He kind of guilt them. He's like, you need to do this and stand up for what's right. Yeah. And Matt's like, whatever. And he's like, well, if you change your mind, give me a call and he gives him his card. At Mackenzie Hart, Jane is pissed off because Richard told everyone about their engagement. And she's like, Richard, we can't afford any distractions. And he's like, why do you care? He's right. What is she talking about? And then she's like, I'm sorry. I guess I just wanted to prove something to myself that I'm not just somebody's wife. I'm always Mrs. Mancini or somebody's girlfriend. And I just wanted to be a designer. I can't believe she actually still says it that way sometimes. Do you know what I mean? It's like, don't you know we've all made fun of you? And he's like, well, I'm not like one of those men, Jane. I'm different. I mean, if that's the case, it's like, well, shouldn't you be embarrassed, even if they know you're dating him? Yeah. Do you know what I mean? It's not like they're very subtle about it now. Cut to Miami, Florida. Brooke is at the library looking through microfiche. She's like us. She's totally like us. I'm so sad that I wasted way too much time to pass where I ever got a chance to do this. Yeah. Microfiche scrolling through the newspapers. Like, I mean, yes, I do. For our other podcast, I constantly am looking through old newspaper articles online, but it's not the same kind of magic as microfiche. Yeah. Just like the way you can go through it so fast sometimes. It's just like, you know, you're going to stumble upon something haunting. Yeah. And like juicy. It's fun. It's it hits different. So she is looking at the Miami papers from June 1986. And she finds a wedding announcement for Amanda and Jack Parisi. And it's like a big picture of Amanda with this guy. She goes to she goes to Jack Parisi's house because I guess his fucking address is printed in this wedding announcement, or she just looks it up or something. I guess she's at the library. She finds his address. And she tells she knocks on the door and Jack Parisi answers, and he's played by Antonio Sabado, Jr. And this is when he was still hot. He was still hot, but I have to say, this is one of my least favorite Melrose storylines. Yeah. It's like and it's one of those exhausting storylines. Well, it's just like a predictable. He's also not charming. No. He's not a good actor. No. And so it just kind of drags. And it really it kind of takes over in a way. It's like a big storyline. It is. Yeah. So if you're not into it, you're screwed. Yeah. If he was a more charismatic character, it could be fun. I just think he's just not a good actor. I just think he sucks. He's just like very attractive physically. That's why he should have just stayed in the Janet Jackson video. Yeah, that's where he belonged. He should have been a video ho not speaking and left it at that. So she's like, Hi, my car broke down. Can I use your phone? He's like, sure. He lives in this big, ostentatious house. Like this guy's clearly up to something with the way this house is decorated. Right. And Brooke, notice is on the wall, a gigantic portrait of Amanda circa 1986. And to be honest, I would hang it in my house. First of all, this portrait is so funny because it doesn't quite look like Amanda, like whoever painted it didn't get it quite right. But she's wearing this like fabulous, gigantic huge shoulder pads coat that's belted and it's purple. No, it's like, it almost looks like something you'd see in a thrift store. Anyway, so as if it couldn't be any clearer that Brooks in the right house, there's this giant portrait of Amanda. And she's like, is that your wife? And he says, yeah, it was Amanda. She died five years ago. And Brooks like, oh, she can barely contain her glee. And then in the background, we see this goon walking around holding a sandwich. And he goes, is everything okay, Mr. Parisi? Yeah, it's like we get it. He's in the mob. Right. Or something. Brooke goes to use the phone and Jack Parisi goes through Brooks purse while she's on the phone and finds her D&D business card. Her plan is so dumb. Like she's, she just broke down in front of this huge Miami mansion. And she's, do you know what I mean? Like, that's obviously not going to be on a main road. Right. What was she doing? Like, why did he even let her inside? Why did she have her business card? Why did she just leave her purse out in the open? No, she had like a little blue, little tiny little purse. And she like left it on his, like you wouldn't put your purse down in some stranger's house. You just hold it. It's crazy. No. But he's like, oh, D&D advertising, I'm going to remember that. And why is he immediately suspicious? It makes no sense. Yeah. That night at Melrose, Billy stops by Allison's to help her with work stuff. They're working on an ad pitch together. And it's kind of like old times. And then Billy suspects something and he starts making faces at Allison to test if she's really blind. This was really uncomfortable for me. Well, she breaks and she laughs. And then he says, Brooke is right. You can see. And she's like, Billy, I was going to tell you, it just came back to me. How is she not more embarrassed? Like, if you get caught for a time, and how is he not more mad? Yeah, he's like, she's like, I was just enjoying our time together so much. And he said, Allison, our relationship is over. I marry Brooke. And then she says, well, you keep saying that. You don't need to remind me unless you're reminding yourself. And then he's like, and then she's like, how honest do you think Brooke is anyway? Like, you think she's an honest person? Yeah, good point. At the beach house, Michael, oh my God, Michael and Sydney are getting drunk off grappa, grappa, grappa, gross. Now Michael is going off. He's like, my Sicilian grandparents. They love this shit. It's an aphrodisiac. And he's like getting horny. And then also at this point, Sydney's like, really drunk. And she's told him about Peter's sister. And so Peter, so Michael is like, hatching a plan, but they're wasted. And she's really wasted. Yet we've never seen her this drunk before. And she's like, I always end up back at this house. And he says, you know, contrary to popular opinion, I'm a truly wonderful person. And then they start kissing. And he says that this is all part of the plan. Yeah, because he's not quite as drunk as her. Yeah. So she's, he's basically saying, this is part of my plan to her face. And she doesn't even get it. She doesn't get it. At the prison psych ward, Kimberly's got visitors surprise Sydney and Michael. And they're antagonizing her and kissing in front of her because they're trying to get her to crack. Yeah. And like do something crazy. Once again, it's like this hospital with this level of an insane person is letting these visitors come in unsupervised. Crazy. They're just like, yeah, sure go in her cell. Hey, when you be like, I'd be like, okay, guys, this is a sick woman. Yeah. And Kimberly loses it. And Peter rushes in. He was like, does he work here? What is going on? How is he there? Even if he worked there, why would he just constantly be right outside the door? I it's they just don't even give a shit about making this make sense. I love it. Peter runs and he's like, hey, what the fuck, man, see me? Because it's crazy what they're trying to do. He's like, if you two ever disturb my patient again, I'll have you arrested. At D&D, Brooke says, hi to Billy. He's like, how'd Florida go with the investment? And she's like, it was great. Let's celebrate with lunch. And then Brooke runs into Allison at D&D. And Allison's like, guess what? I got my eyes. And Brooke's like, I don't care. She says something bitchy. Yeah, she says goody for you. Oh, yeah. And then Brooke goes into Amanda's office. And she's like, guess what? You changed your identity. I found your ID. And I went down to Florida. And Amanda flips out. She loses it. And she puts her hands on Brooke's neck and slams her against the wall. No, this mana went off. Yeah, we've never seen her do this. I don't think never like this level because usually she keeps her cool. She does keep her cool. She snaps. And she's also wearing a really sickening silver satin skirt suit. Yeah, she's like, I'm going to kill potentially kill today. I need to look the part. She tells Amanda that she met Jack, her ex-husband. And Amanda's like, did you tell him that I'm alive? And she's like, no. And she's freaking out. And she's like, you don't understand, Brooke. He's dangerous. He's violent and abusive. I faked my own death to get away from him. And she's like, what do you want? And Brooke's like, I made a list. I like hearing this information. She doesn't like take a step back at all from her blackmail plans. She's not like, Oh, shit. She's just psychotic. He's like, don't worry. I made you a list. Sorry about that. At shooters, Shelley now has a job there. This is why his business is failing. He's so dumb. Why would you hire this bitch? I don't understand these people where you're hiring them. It's like, why am I hiring you? Why are you here? Where are you living? Like, do you know what I mean? Like, what? Because he's done this before. Not only did he hire her, he didn't even hire her as like a bartender. He hired her to be the fucking bookkeeper. This is crazy. You're letting this bitch look after your money. Why does he think this is a good idea? You deserve everything that's coming to shooters for this now. It's wild. Oh, my God. I just remembered something about like what happens with shooters in the future. Oh, shit. Okay, we'll get to that another season. Anyway, Joe is sitting at the bar and she's like, wow, Jake, don't you think it's weird that Jess's sister shows up at your door and wants to work for you? He's like, she understands just better than anyone, even us. Why? Joe is the worst girlfriend. I would be like, look, I'm drawing the line. You don't know what you're fucking doing. Get her out of here. Like, I'm sorry. Like, she's just letting him do this. She's like, bad idea. I guess. I guess you do you. Like, why, if you care about this person, wouldn't you be like, look, I got to set you down. I would stage an intervention. No, I would not allow this to happen or it would be like a deal breaker for me. Like, I can't watch you do this again. No, this is crazy, Jake. Like, bad idea, Jake. Like, what? How is she just letting this happen? It's so infuriating. Matt walks in and he's there to meet Tom because he changed his mind. He does want to go after Dr. Hobbs. Yeah. Later at D&D, Amanda has called a meeting to let Brooke and Allison know that Brooke is taking her spot, effective immediately. And she's getting a corner office. Billy's also at this meeting too. It's always, it's always the four of them. They're the only people who work at D&D. Yeah. Everyone else is an underling. This meeting is so fucking funny because it's literally like, okay, I called you guys here today. Brooke is taking over Allison's job. She'll have the corner off. It's like, it's just like, no explanation. And she's like, and Allison, your salary won't change. So nothing's suspicious going on here. Right. No. And Brooke's getting a raise. She just literally says the five facts. And then she's like, okay, meeting adjourned. And she doesn't look happy about it. No. Billy's like, wow. He's like, I don't know why I was called in this is nothing to do with me. Um, Allison runs after Amanda. And she's like, she's blackmailing you. Isn't she? She found something in your files. And Amanda's like, never mentioned those files again. She's like, guess what? I was nice before, but I'm over it. The old Amanda's back with a vengeance. Yeah, the bitches back. I look at Amanda. Allison's immediately just like, she's blackmailing you. It's like, what's that going to accomplish? Oh, I love this because we get to see Jane's fashion show. This is the cheapest to show ever. The venue, the venue, and also the curtains, these like gossamer sort of iridescent weird curtains that they had hanging up that looked like they came from like a mermaid party. This was like in a VFW hall. Yeah. And like, they went to downtown LA and bought fabric. Yeah. To outfit the stage. Like, it's so cheap. It looks like a, like a local toddlers and tiara pageant. Totally. It was toddlers and tiara level. Like, yeah, it was so tacky. And it had everything that a 90s fashion show has whenever they want to like show that in a TV or movie. They always have like the feathered hat. This line was crazy. It doesn't even look like Jane's work. It doesn't look like Jane's work at all. There was like a patent leather, black bustier, with paired with a crinoline skirt or something or not even it wasn't even a crinoline. It was like, it was like a tutu from a dance store. No, this was like a low level fashion show at like a design school that wasn't even like really, it's like a D-list school. Like, it's like so bad. Or when like teens take a summer fashion workshop, I get to do a runway show at the end. Yeah. And it's kind of like, you know, I took several pictures of these looks just because I was like, I need to like see some of these more up close. It's just like not what we've seen from Jane before. So it was really weird. It's a departure from her usual design. It's edgy. Yeah, she's going edgy now. It's 1995. She's got to show off a sexier side. But like, what is this? This looks like a beach cover up. It's like a white. This looks trashy as hell. Everything was like black and white. I just think, I mean, there's a lot of issues going on here. But then this dress is very like, kind of demure this cocktail dress. What is that fabric though? It looks like the curtain fabric. I don't know what she was going for here. This looks like an antaylor cocktail dress. But then then this dress with the cutouts on it is in like the weird Harlequin pattern. Look at this one. That's a lot of skin. This is just trashy to me. It looks like some shop you'd see on Melrose, where everything's like 25 and under or something like that. Yeah. And then Jane does something we've never seen anyone do ever after a fashion show. She walks outside with the, she walks out onto the stage with the microphone and she says, "I just want everyone to know that everything you saw tonight had nothing to do with Mackenzie Hart. I designed all of it." This was absolutely Loserville. Why was she dragging the brand? Also, just making sure you get credit is so, it's lame. Like, she looks like a huge loser and she did this. I was like, "Why would you do that?" Like, this is the job of the fashion reporter to talk to you about the line or whatever, like, or people asking you questions. Like, why would you go up on stage and say that? This was crazy. It's just so, it's such a bad look. It was crazy. I personally designed this. And it looks like dog shit and you're bragging. Sorry, like, the whole thing is like, why would you, even if you did it, it was the fucking show of the year. Why would you go up literally at the end before anyone's even set a fucking word? You're like, "By the way, Mackenzie Hart had nothing to do with this. It was all me." And then the audience, without missing a beat, roars with applause. It is so crazy how she thinks this is acceptable behavior. And then I like this, this would be such a fun fashion show to attend, though, because then we see Richard pull her off stage. Like, I'm sure the whole crowd witnessed this. And he's like, "What the fuck is wrong with you, Jane?" And he's so right. He's like, "You betrayed me." And he, she goes, "I'm the new Mackenzie Hart." And he says, "You're fired." This is like the worst all about Eve remake. Like, what is she doing? I'm the new Mackenzie Hart. Like, what is happening? I even hitching your wagon to this dead brand. Also, do you love this guy? Because it's like, even if you felt all these ways, if you love someone, wouldn't you be respectful of them? Like, it's so crazy. I love what she's doing. I don't, like we said before, this bitch has no business being in the fashion industry when she doesn't even know how it works. I just feel like they were trying to do something with her character, but it doesn't really make sense. Like, what's the explanation for this turnaround? Like, I don't know. It's crazy. At the beach house that night, Sydney's wearing a leopard coat trying to fuck Michael. And he's like, "Get lost." It's like, how many times is she going to fall for this? It's like Charlie Brown with the football. Like, it is crazy. He's like, "Get out of here, Sid." And he doesn't even try to soften the blow. No, he doesn't say, "Let's wait a while. Yeah, I'm busy at work starting the new practice." He's literally like, "Get lost." And then he straight up says, "I only pretended so we could trick Kimberly." He's like, "I knew I had to make you believe it. It was so mean." The next day at Burnsman Cini, Sydney storms into the office with her little box and she's like, "I'm quitting." And Michael's like, "Who cares?" But Peter's like, "Wait a minute. Sydney, I'd like you to stay." And he's like, "I'm sure you were under the influence of Michael." And she's like, "I had no idea what he was up to." And he's like, "How about an extra $100 a week?" She's like, "Not suspicious at all." No. And he's like, "I need you to keep a close eye on Michael." And she's like, "You got yourself a deal." Richard finds Jane at the beach going for a run. And he's like, "What's up?" And she's like, "I've had an offer from Vera Wang, Richard. I'm a free agent now." This show is the talk of New York Fashion Week. Everyone in New York Fashion Week was like, "Wait, why is she there? Is she in here? Why isn't this show here?" No one's talking about this show unless they're laughing at it. Oh my God. And Vera Wang personally called her like 12 hours after the show ended. And we, like, look, I love that cut out. It's like, what did she see? What did she see there? I love that bustier. Oh my God. Ridiculous. It was so fucking funny. I've had an offer from Vera Wang. Fuck you, Richard. Also, if that was true, why would she not leave for it? Immediately. Yeah. We don't know who Mackenzie Hart is. This is a legitimate offer for something that would make her career, and she's not going to take it and make her tons of money. Yeah, this is-- Do you know how much she's in the idiot? She is an idiot. Leave. Leave. She would have money behind anything she did, finally. Oh my God. She'd have legitimacy. Yeah, this is ridiculous. Farting around Los Angeles, trying to make it as a fashion designer. And he's like, "I just want you to know, Jane. I released a statement about Mackenzie's death, and I need you back. Besides, the bank won't give me the line of credit without you." That's the real reason. And she says, "Okay, fine. But the company is going to change the name to Mackenzie, or not Mackenzie, to Mancini Dash Hart." And he says, "Heart Mancini." He drives a tough bargain. So were they just scrapping this entire brand? I have no idea. Like, I guess she doesn't have a brand. Like, is there nothing to scrap? I mean, the brand is Mackenzie Hart, and she's designing at Mackenzie Hart. I don't know. Are they just making a whole new brand? I guess. I have no idea. Mancini Hart? No, Hart Mancini. It's fucking stupid. It sounds stupid. No one wants this shit. She should go work for Vera Wang. This is crazy. So that is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that you will never get again, Jane. Vera Wang must be like, "What? What are you doing, you loser?" Everyone in the fashion world is like this bitch. Also, how did she die? Why didn't you tell us? How is this not the biggest scandal in fashion? Oh, you mean that woman whose first company went bankrupt after they got involved with the mob, selling heroin? And then she stormed it, broke up a marriage, and took over this company and made ugly designs. And there was also that incident with the Australian. Yeah, that guy. Chris, the department store, Australia's biggest department store. Oh my god, that's right. Oh my god. I've never to be seen from again. They're probably like, "This bitch gets so much action for someone we've never heard of." Yeah. It's crazy. Okay, so then the final, well, not the final scene. The second to last scene is at D&D. Billie and Allison are talking about Brooke getting a corner office. And he's like, "I can't believe she got the corner office. I wanted the corner office." And Allison's like, "Billie, Brooke blackmailed Amanda." Billie says, "Maybe she earned it." He doesn't know. He thinks his wife earned this corner office. He found nothing about that meeting, Suss, at all. No, he's like, "Maybe she's a very good worker." And you just got demoted because you're blind. And he says, "You know she's up to something." And she's like, "I need you to find out what." Meanwhile, Amanda's in her office shredding files. Yeah. Then we see Jack Parisi arrive at the airport in Los Angeles. He's there. He's here in LA and he's going to track down Amanda. He's going to D&D. He's got that business card. What's he going to do? Yeah, what is he going to do? Why did he think that business card was meaningful? I don't know. I wonder what tipped him off. She was asking too many questions. Yeah, what did tip him off? I don't know. I guess the whole thing was weird. But to fly to LA, both of these people just have extra cash laying around to do all this flying around. I'm just like, "Let's go. Let's go now." Both him and Brooke unreasonably travels for no reason. Yeah, it's crazy. But yeah, I wish the storyline was better. I know. I feel like it could have been better. It's just really, I think it's the actor. I'm just going to say it's the actor. Right, because it's like we could have had a hot villain with him, right? He just has no charisma. He has nothing. He has nothing. He has not making his nerve or talent. He's none of it. He's not serving cons. He's so boring. He's so boring. Yeah, I agree. He's a drag. He's a total drag. Shelly is even more annoying. Like, at least they're trying with him, right? They're trying to do something. Well, Shelly is just a rehash of Jay. This is my one complaint with Melrose. I do feel like sometimes they rehash storylines that weren't even good in the first place. They're like, "Really? We're going to make it work this time." Well, it was like the matte, you know, the, whatever, the lawsuit against someone getting fine. It's like, "Why are we doing this again?" If we're going to rehash a storyline, give me like a Keith rehash. Give me a new Keith. Yeah, like that's what you rehash on a soap, another psycho. Yeah. No, I agree. We need Keith. I mean, need like another psycho green piece guy. Well, I mean, I know Allison will have a romance soon, but it's we need Allison in a bad romance. Yeah. Because that's a great, always a good storyline. Or keep making her relapse. Well, we have for drunk Allison. Well, let's have the bad romance and a relapse. They go hand in hand. That's my ideal state for Allison is for her to be with someone psychotic and for her to be drunk. And just calling in sick to work all the time because of those issues. Once again. Once again. And for some reason, Amanda can't fire her. Right. She's like, "I'm mourning you, Allison. This is your last chance." I can't fire her. She's in rehab. It's against the law. That's how she always gets out of getting fired. I know. She quickly enters rehab. Yeah, Matt enters the room. He's like, "Actually, it's illegal to fire her." This would be a good time for Matt to go rogue and go like villain if they had thought it out more because it's like he's fed up. He gets fired for being gay. And he's just like, "For the second time, I'm done. L.A. needs to go. I'm villain now." Yeah. If Matt was, imagine if Matt was a villain for one season and he never gets caught. Yeah. But he kills all his enemies or he causes all this drama, but no one ever catches on because it's Matt. Yeah, that would have been juicy. Yeah, that's in our reboot. Oh, by the way, speaking of reboot, we haven't mentioned this, but it has been in the news for a while. It's happening. They're rebooting Melrose Place and everyone from the original cast has signed on. I saw that, but I didn't read the story. So it is actually going to be all the old characters by the old actors. Yeah. And it's just whatever 30 years later. I'm almost positive. I read that they are retconning the terrible 2009 reboot that they did. Okay. Well, that's good. Yeah, because no one liked that. So that was the reboot, just all new people living at Melrose Place. Yeah, but Michael Mancini was in it. Jane was in a few episodes. Amanda came back for an episode, I think. They had some. So they had some sprinkle of them. Like Sydney was back for an episode, but it was basically a new cast of characters, including Ashley Simpson. Oh, right, right, right, right. And David Cassidy's daughter, who was sort of like the new Amanda Katie Cassidy. I liked her. I thought she was pretty good. I remember that. I think it was because I was going to tell you about a show to watch. Did you watch the show with her on an island? And it was a murder mystery. What? Okay. That sounds good. It's really good. It's really good. They all go to an island and people start dying, and she's the star. Okay. I'm totally going to watch that. This is how bad the show is. It's good bad, but it was on a CBS on a Saturday night and I watched it. Like that's the lowest of low. You know, Saturday night is really what their real turds for the real losers like us. We're like, oh, I'm going to watch that. I loved that show, though. It was like it's something like something island. I can't remember what it was, but it was I was thinking of telling you about it because it sounds great, but she was the star of that. It's so cheesy, but I was into it. No, I yeah, I did. I did watch the reboot a little bit like a few episodes of it. It just wasn't the same. So I'm really looking forward to whatever they're going to do, and I'm thrilled that the cast is into it. I'm very curious. I hope we get Rhonda back. Oh my god. What if Rhonda comes back? And she married that rich guy. I know. We've said we talked about after she departed the show, like how good of a storyline it would have been to follow their rich Pasadena life. Yeah, I'm very curious. And I wonder who like, I wonder what the tone is going to be. Do you know what I mean? And if it's going to be streaming, so then they'll have like swear words and stuff and like nudity maybe. Oh, I need to get more information. Yeah, I need to do more research on it, but I am excited about it. I also haven't listened to the newly launched Melrose Place podcast that the ladies of Melrose Place are on. It's Laura Layton, Daphne Zuniga, and Courtney Courtney Courtney, Courtney Gornsmith. Yeah, I let we follow them on our Instagram. So I've seen like their clips and like Billy makes an appearance. And like, I saw that obviously Doug Savant and great show have come on the pod. I'm excited. We should try and do a podcast collab with the ladies. We should. If anyone knows them, I hope they I just hope they don't listen. They're not insulted. They shouldn't be because we have like a deep, deep love for the show. We should and we can maybe even if that show airs, we cap it. The new Melrose. Yeah, absolutely should. We'll have to. Anyway, we will be back next week for episode five. Bye. [Music] This episode is brought to you by progressive insurance. Do you ever think about switching insurance companies to see if you could save some cash? Progressive makes it easy to see if you could save when you bundle your home and auto policies. Try it at progressive.com. Progressive casualty insurance company and affiliates, potential savings will vary, not available in all states. 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