This American Life - 895: Label Maker!

Labels are powerful. They can distill you down to a single word. They can get stuck on you without your permission. And sometimes, when they get taken away, they can upend your entire life. On this episode: labels and the havoc they wreak. (00:00:00) Prologue: Sara and Ethan have been dating for 10 months. They see each other at least once a week, text pretty much every day, and have been there for each other through hard times. But they refuse to have the “what are we?” conversation. So what gives? Guest host Tobin Low looks into it. (5 minutes) (00:05:14) Act One: Last week, when Temporary Protected Status, also known as TPS, was cut off for Haitian immigrants, some 300,000 people had their lives upended. Marie, a Certified Nursing Assistant in Boston, was one of them. Producer Chana Joffe-Walt spent time last week with Marie as she tried to figure out exactly when her very last day on the job would be. (21 minutes) (00:27:57) Act Two: Comedian Janet McNamara was walking off stage 15 years ago when the club owner asked, “Hey, have you ever been tested for autism?” No one had ever asked her this before, so Janet decided to look into it. (17 minutes) (00:44:01) Act Three: When you get down to it, labels are just our way of pointing out what we think is remarkable about other people. That’s Alfred Jung Lee’s argument. He’s been thinking a lot about how we describe each other, especially as he tries to describe his wife, who passed away from cancer. (10 minutes)

Duration: 1h 2m
Broadcast on: 16 Aug 2026
Audio Format: other

Yeah, it's Hyra, the quick word before the show starts. So we have this video that I want to show you. Maybe you heard because we did so many promos actually, that we just did this live show on stage in Los Angeles where I told stories and then Vic McCaillis and these really talented comedians did improvise scenes based on those stories on the spot. And we live streamed video of this show. And I'm just here to say that if you missed the live stream, you can now see the show. We have posted the video online. It's a really fun show. And to watch this, for absolutely free, sign up for a free trial this American life partner's subscription. And our hope is, you know, you'll stick around after the trial and that you'll love all the bonus episodes and listening ad-free and all the other stuff we give you. Plus, we hope you'll like helping us make the show by sending us this money. But if you don't, if you just want the free trial, watch the video, try it out for a couple days, quit, no foul, fine with us. And I think you're really going to enjoy watching the show we did. Go to thisamericanlife.org/lifepartners and use the, this is a very original promo code we came up with, video. That's right. The promo code is video. That link is also in the show notes. Okay, here's this week's show. Support for this American life comes from Squarespace. Squarespace gives you everything you need to offer services and get paid, all in one place. From consultations to events and experiences, showcase your offerings with a customizable website designed to attract clients and grow your business. Plus connect with your audience and raise support for your cause by fundraising directly on your website with built-in donation tools. Visit squarespace.com/american to get 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. A quick warning, there are curse words that are unbeeped in today's episode of the show. If you prefer a beeped version, you can find that at our website, thisamericanlife.org. From WBEZChicago, it's this American life. I'm Tobin Lowe sitting in for Iverglass. The story of Sarah Nathan's relationship starts with heartbreak. She had just gotten out of a 12 year relationship. He was separated after 13 years of marriage. Neither of them were particularly interested in jumping into something new too fast. But their mutual friends thought, hey, they have that in common. They're both in their 40s, both a little wobbly from their last relationships. They should date. Here's Ethan. I think they saw us both as like people who didn't know what they were doing and thought maybe these two configured out together. That's both like, uh, sweet and maybe a little insulting. Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna take it as sweet. They hit it off, kept seeing each other, doing dating stuff, dinners, museums, walks in the park, and as weeks and then months went by, they advanced to the stage of hanging out with no particular plans. At one point, a kind of big thing happened. A friend of Sarah's died. Ethan knew how hard she was taking it. So we asked her, you want to go to a ball game, take your mind off things. It felt nice to let him take care of her in that way. It's now been 10 months. So you're in contact pretty much every day. You see each other regularly. You're not seeing anybody else. Is he your boyfriend, then? No. Obviously, this is Sarah. What do you refer to him as?

I guess I use his name. Okay. And I will often say, he's the person I'm sort of seeing. The sort of feels crucial there. Or kind of. Or I guess I'm. There's always a bit of a qualifier. Gosh, I think both of us have sort of avoid using the boyfriend girlfriend terms. In fact, a couple weeks ago, they had a conversation about whether it was time to have the what are we conversation. And they decided to put it off. Ethan and Sarah are your classic example of, let's not put a label on it. You know couples like this. And I understand that people do this. But I'm always a little like, why are you doing this dance? Like, if it looks like a boyfriend duck and it quacks like a boyfriend duck, it's just a boyfriend duck, right? Some of my friends will refer to him as my boyfriend, but you're making a face. Not very comfortable with it. Why do you

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