Neil Taft joins our conversation this week to talk about being a Caring Grandparent. Specifically, we learn how Neil, a great-grandfather, is leading the charge to help all grandparents build and maintain incredible relationships with their grandchildren.
Neil's mission is to enhance Grandparents' bonds with their Grandchildren by building solid and meaningful connections. Neil believes that stories and shared experiences can strengthen the grandparent/ grandchild bond.
You are going to love how Neil has worked hard to develop and maintain his relationships with his children, grandchildren, and now great-grandchildren. Neil shares with us a remarkable story of how he has been able to create and maintain a relationship with his ex-daughter-in-law. Neil's work in that relationship now enables him to remain an active grandfather in his nineteen-year-old granddaughter's life.
We also talk about one of Neil's philosophies: to be a GOOD SEER and a GOOD SAYER. Simply put, this philosophy is centered on the principle that when you see something good in the world, say something about it. The good could be a great piece of street art or, as Neil shares, seeing a person with a charming piece of clothing. Neil belives that everyone from our youngest grandchild to older people we run into each wants and seeks out approval and complements. As a grandfather, Neil finds this a natural state for him to be in that doesn't cost anything but produces enormous returns for the person receiving the compliment.
Links
Use this link to visit Neil's webpage and check out the great work that he is doing over there: https://www.caringgrandparents.com/
You can use this link to purchase Neil's book, Good to Great Grandparenting: https://www.amazon.com/GOOD-GREAT-GRANDPARENTING-Meaningful-Connections/dp/B0CZDH1JTC/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=
This link will take you to Neil's new book, Caring Grandparents: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0DFV97S8Z
You can watch this conversation on YouTube by clicking on this link:
Here is the link to check out our good friend Dr. Kerry Byrne's The Long Distance Grandparent. I hope you join her group if it suits you and your needs. I like to hang out with this group when I can. https://thelongdistancegrandparent.com/
This link will take you to Grandparent's Academy, a great resource for all grandparents. Neil and I are presenters/ faculty and enjoy connecting with grandparents over at that site as well. https://www.grandparentsacademy.com/
Welcome in to the cool grandpa podcast. This is the podcast where we talk to grandfathers, adult grandchildren, and experts in areas of importance to grandfathers. Whether you're a new grandfather, a seasoned pro, or somebody interested in learning about relationships, this is the place for you. So come on in, join us as we learn together, laugh together, and support each other on the cool grandpa podcast. Hi and welcome into this week's edition of the cool grandpa podcast. This is going to be episode number 201. So just made it over the 200 mark and we're continuing on to share stories about grandfathers and how cool they are and how important they are to the family and to the community. One of the things that we're going to be doing is having an awesome review and a sit-down with Neil Taff. Now the reason I'm saying this is a review is because I've had Neil on the show before. He was part of that very first grandparent or grandfather cracker barrel that we had a few weeks ago and so he joined me along with a couple of other fun guys and we sat around and we talked to all sorts of grandfather and grandparenting stuff and this time we're focusing in on Neil and especially his book The Carrying Grandparent as well as his previous book Good to Great Grandparenting. This is going to be an awesome conversation that we're about to have. Neil is a fun guy to get to know. I've been able to sit down in person with him on one of the visits to my son. He lives in the same town and so we met up at one of his favorite eateries and we're able to discuss a whole lot of things and just had a really great connection so it's always fun to meet guests in person. Now Neil and I became connected with Dr. Kerry Byrne and the long-distance grandparent and group that she runs and it's been fantastic getting to know Neil and we've also gotten connected to with Aaron over at grandparents Academy and Neil this time around was a presenter for Grand parents week. So this is a great conversation. Neil's got a lot of valuable information not just for grandfathers but for people in general that value relationships with grandchildren and with their community. We're titling this episode good seer good seer and you're gonna learn why in just a little bit. So hey enough talking from me without further ado let's jump into this fun conversation. Welcome Neil to the cool grandpa podcast. I'm excited to have you on and talk about everything grandparenting. It's a great to be here and I really appreciate you getting me this time. Now what I love is how small the worlds become because we met through our good friend Kerry Byrne from the long distance grandparent and what's even more fascinating than that for me is that you live in the same town as my oldest son there in Leland, North Carolina. I've always told my kids you better behave because life's that way wherever you go. Oh absolutely it's it's amazing. So just a quick little story about that to show how small the world is. So my wife's father he served a service mission in South Africa and then years and years maybe 30 years later we're in church in Vancouver Washington and bump into somebody who knew him from previously in South in South Africa and it was just incredible because the last names were like one of those like hey is this so-and-so maybe your uncle maybe you know whatever and it's like no it's my dad. That makes a hair stand up on the back of your neck. Oh it does and to your point yeah you better behave because you're gonna bump into somebody that that knows somebody. That's true. Now the question I always love asking grandfathers and maybe we'll do this twice is what was your reaction the first time you heard the news when you were going to become a grandfather? I got a rather unconventional answer to that. My daughter was about 18. Her mother and I had been separated for almost a year and I looked at one side of town she looked like with her mother on the other. She called me up and wanted to go to breakfast once Saturday. Worked her car in my driveway we went to breakfast not uncommon we did that a lot and when we came back we pulled in the driveway she was cheering out and I knew something was a little bit wrong and I said sweetie what's going on and she started boo-hooing and crying and all it started going down the road of it's terrible you and mom are separated and I feel like an orphan blah blah blah blah blah and by the way dad I prayed and I react one way or another and I said okay and she said well you know it's it just my life's messed up and all this kind of stuff and everything else and I literally looked her in the eye and I sweetied time out and I gave her the time outside and it broke her state and I said your mom and I have loved you and still love you and we gave you all the tools I'm sorry can't lay this at our feet we have to lay it at your feet that's my daughter who would get up at six o'clock tomorrow morning to come to breakfast with her daddy so that's the way I found out I was gonna be a wrap well well thank you for for sharing that yeah I'll always love asking this question because the reactions and what was going on in our lives can vastly different and so I really appreciate you sharing that the next question I want to ask you is what was it like finding out that you are going to become a great grandparent that one is my grandson who I will talk about that was that first little football that I held that to my daughter he's my first born grandson he married a young lady who had four children and two of which lived with her to which lived with any a very complicated everything else nobody thought this is gonna work I mean they're rather unusual people each of them they're still together by the way so I inherited four great friendship in one filled smooth and then two and a half years ago I had my one of my stepkids had another son so now I have five great grandchildren but as usual my grandson did not consult me about marrying this young lady so it just sort of happened but that's how I got four of them two of them I met right away and two later on we get along gloriously they're really pretty good kids oh that's that's awesome and I love the fact that you right behind you for folks listening to this you can't see it but if you're watching on YouTube there's a picture of Neil with five generations of men in his family and so not only is Neil a great grandfather he's a great great grandfather to paint that's my little kenks and there's now eight months old so yes the other football I love telling my footballs oh that that's awesome and it's so remarkable to be able to have that that picture because not everybody gets to make it to be a great grandparent and then certainly fewer make it to be a great great grandparent I cherry shit it was last Thanksgiving we got everybody together to have that picture and later on if we have time in this podcast I want to tell a story about my first grandson who's that 280 pound folks standing next to me in the picture I couple time I have a couple stories but yeah but that's yeah he's my first born yep and we'll we'll get to those now what I'd love to do is dive into a little bit about as the grandkids started to come along how did you start to develop those relationships and did you think that your background as a youth minister help form some ideas about how to build those connections with grandchildren they originally not so much I had teenagers in my youth group but as they grew older yes there are two primary things that I learned when I was used to one is how really neat and spiritual young people are and everybody was afraid of teens and so I took it on and same way with my grandkids they are today they just constantly amazed me so as they got older and then of course my four great grandchildren were probably 12 through 22 when I inherited them so they were pretty well grown so I learned this whole thing about how really neat young people are I've got a youth advocate all my life and this other thing that I learned is to be job non-judgmental I mean everybody's out there just trying to do pretty well the best they can and especially young people and I had everything going on so in my youth group I used to tell the kids I said number one you can come to me with anything and I promised to try not to be shocked and I pretty well carried that off over the years but also that I learned to understand that that everybody has some stuff but they work through it and if you support them as opposed to judging them it's a whole lot better I carried that into my grandchildren and my grandchildren right now share with me at a wonderful level no I love that and it reminds me to the work that I used to do with scouts quite a bit and both working for the boy scouts at summer camp settings but then also as a scout master in remembering how intense the feelings are with teenagers oh and I think that's one of the things that as adults sometimes we pull back on because we've had more experiences gone through the ups and downs where these kids that are starting to get more adult brains these are kind of the first loves these are first jobs these are first being fired because you showed up 30 minutes late this is the end it's very very intense and if you have the patience to work with them it really leads to I think a great ground work of them being able to be successful young adult sure and and one of those things and you just did it on a podcast recently about the four tips you talked about listening well you learned that real well when you have that intense quick story about a priest that talked at one of our conferences he priest living their referee by themselves and all this stuff and the phone rang one day when the young priest was in the shower so you wrapped a towel around it went down because it might be a parishioner in trouble answers the phone and he said for the next 45 minutes I stood there dripping while a weepy young girl told me all about her boyfriend that didn't appreciate that's listening mm-hmm but being present is one of those things and that's something else I carried for my district by the way interestingly enough my children I took them with me when I was a US minister I went to late but home of the babysitter while I went to safety natures today they both exhibit some of those same things because they're good listeners etc etc so yeah that that that was one of the things that I really brought forward into my grand parenting and still do today when I love it because it comes across in your book the good to great-grandparenting about how important that is the other thing too that I'm going to take a little bit of a left turn is in that book you talk about being intentional with being a good seer and a good sayer and I wanted you to spend a little bit of time talking to us about that and how you feel that those attributes or those mindsets help you with building relationships with grandchildren that goes so deep it's it's it's in my nature I'm I'm an optimist by by my nature but the thing it's magic by the way because you can't give it away the better the more good you see the more you get but with with the family not just the grandkids but the entire extended family as you know in grandparenting there's some really strange extended families that alienate each other and restrict grandkids visits with grandparents and all and and I take that all the way down to the basis when you meet these do extend family they're here to stay find a way to find something good about them and and my training in youth ministry this will indicate that what what I had to do I had to then and that's almost gets gross but I'll say it anyway edited out I had a rule you can pick your friends you can pick your nose but can't pick your friend's nose we had more fun with that with 24 young people but it's indicative of the fact that you have to find some good in some of them I mean some of them you're just and and if you just do that in general you know my job is to add value to everyone to every room I walk into my grandkids love it because they do the same thing and I'm seeing my grandkids do a lot of the things that I have modeled for them I don't preach to them I don't have to preach to they just watch the way I and that's one of my things my mother made me is be a good seer and a good sayer and at my age if a young lady comes down the street and she's got on a dime in my dress I just say it I'll say young lady that is a beautiful dress and I just keep walking now earlier it would have come across spurting blah blah blah so there is ways to do that and and I think I've spoken before I'm a connect I connect with little kids you have to choose t-shirts teenage girls their fingernails all appropriate and it's a strong connection that that comes not good saying and good saying I just think it's a great way to live my life but it's also a great way to model for my friend well and it's a great way just I think in life in general right is it's so easy when we're in cars when we're kind of isolated or in our own space to immediately think that somebody's trying to do that trying to do us harm or trying to get in our way and mess us up and they're just living their life and I think if we take a moment and just think about being a good seer and a good sayer we can go oh you know what that person might have been distracted that person might have just heard some bad news and they're not thinking and they cut me off and okay I'm just gonna let that go Tony Robbins has a great saying when someone sort of gets under your skin he said what else could this be how bad of a day have they have and if you throw something positive about one things like what you pulled up street lights and traffic lights and somebody's got a cup in the sign god bless you your blah blah blah and what I do is I can't my grandson a dollar bill and I'll say you want to give it to him you'll say yeah I say you have to say something nice to him and it has come back many times because then with the next seven blocks we talk about good stuff so that's it that that has been an integral part of my life I love it I do want to pivot over a little bit and talk about something that you've shared before and that is being able to maintain a good relationship with your son's ex-wife during the separation and can you talk to us a little bit about how you did that why you did that and what the outcome has been sure my son called me one I had a pickup truck and I don't know if you seen a bumper sticker is I have a pickup truck and no I'm not gonna help you move well I had a pickup truck and my son called me and said my girlfriend's moving and I had not met her yet from one apartment to another at the university where you help and I said sure so I showed up on Saturday I come up the top of my steps and my son introduces me to my future daughter-in-law and she have on a major thing with a bullet button ring and it's distracting so instead of just ignoring it I said to her that's an interesting place to keep your spare earring and we lay out that anchored a fun relationship with her and that was the first time I met her as things went on and as they started having trouble they were in business together all these tensions to everything else I went to my son and I said son I'm not gonna get it in the middle is because my granddaughter is the most important thing in my life and I've had a good relationship and I also admire how my daughter-in-law is raising my granddaughter so I'm gonna just walk down that line and I'm here for you but I'm not gonna take sides I went told her the same thing because she used to come to me and we had good conversations and everything else so I what I did was say go to your corners about this that lasted till today my 19 year old granddaughter my daughter ex daughter-in-law will call me up and tell me when she's doing a play or something like that and I've always supported her through the years but the point is it started at the beginning and I tell all new grandparents as early as you can especially the daughter-in-law but even her parents go form a positive relationship with them because that's what comes back to bite you 10 15 years later so that worked with my my ex daughter-in-law she still we just we just had lunch together her last love some wetter graduation party so that that started at the beginning but I consciously built that relationship and kept it main one of my sayings is the main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing my granddaughter access to my granddaughter as you know how many people don't have that I chose that above all else because my son didn't want advice you might have won some I always listen to him so that that's the way I have kept that relationship now for the last that that's 15 years ago well and I love that because I find so many times when grandparents when there is a divorce there is the relationship with grandchildren are up in the air that it's almost too late to then start to go back and try to build a relationship that really wasn't there to start with you might have had a relationship with your son or daughter but maybe you didn't have a real good relationship with the son-in-law daughter-in-law boyfriend girlfriend whatever yeah it is true it's like walking backwards up a hill and if you have not taken that effort to do that early on even if you've had some bad times go sit down and talk about it and because that other her daughter is her most important thing that granddaughter is my most important thing we have a common thing to worry about and just go be very honest and say you know I don't know what you've heard I try not I never say anything I went through a divorce and I never sang bad about my ex-wife to my kids I wouldn't do it with my grandkids either so it just is a very positive atmosphere because we have in common the best interest my granddaughter sure sure and I do want to ask you to put your I guess your your ministering hat on and then when you have grandparents that you might be talking to that feel like I've tried to build that relationship I've tried to do these things and whether it's access or a connection with the ex and the grandchildren isn't quite there how would you kind of you know coach them how would you kind of guide them when they've maybe put themselves forward but it hasn't been returned it it is very difficult and what I have to number one encourage them is never never never wait once in Churchill you if you are estranged from your grandchildren you get one little nose under the tent take advantage on complementing the person that let you put your nose under the tent and start building on that send gifts every year even if they're returned send mail every month even if it's a return because eventually if worst case scenario the kid comes 18 and you've got this stack of stuff that lets them know you cared every month for your entire lives and that is that is revolutionized some relationships with friend children grandparents the second thing is the parents know they have to return the mail they know you care about their kids that's not a negative now the way you get there is sometimes convoluted and a lot of people when they did have visitation rights their son was in the house and the daughter-in-law resented that well you may choose to say son to the part or whatever and and just get that lit anytime you have an opportunity you bet that strain the other thing that I tell grandparents is there is a reconciliation movement going on that the grandparents Academy just did a reconciliation summit people have reconciled after 17 years 18 years there are ways of rebuilding that because people came and it's no longer if if there was a second woman involved that won't may not be in your son's life so the daughter-in-law external law is not as hyped about that things can change but the consistency of putting it out there and showing you care again about the common person their children and don't make it about you make it about the grandchildren and that works out it's it's not a very obvious route to take but the other thing I will tell everyone is you are better for doing it whether the other person accepts it or not it's your positive action you're still stay in love with that child as opposed to just saying oh I'll lost all hope is lost and then you start thinking about other things so that that consistency of putting it out there I think is the only council I would have for grandparents you know I love that you know and I think too that it's okay if you're a grandparent is struggling with those relationships to have moments of feeling grief and feeling that pain and you know in just understanding where it comes from but then also I think being resolute to what you were saying of okay next month I'm going to sit down and write another little letter you know next year on the birthday I'm going to send another little gift you know whatever that is well there's been some miracle stories about the kids getting to the mailbox first and that may begin to be a little trouble of a conversation that could be at and that consistency is what does that so the the other thing I would counsel too very strongly is find support you are not in this alone we're talking billions of grandparents go through this all the time and find support groups that make sense not just the wine a ones not the you know I don't do real well with negativity anyway so I go to the next group but but find support and recognize that grief because you have lost something a lot of these people took care of their grand joke for three or four years to help the kids out and and they're very much a part of their heart so that that's another thing I would count you know that that that's great advice I do want to pivot over a little bit and this is very adjacent to what we've all been talking about is how do you think that grandparents can best share their values and then what if those values that grandparents have might be different from the parents how do you walk that line and how do you how do you share and then how do you also be respectful of the parents values I hit I picked this up on I think a book out that I read about grand parenting the grandparents when they went to the child's home would go to church with the family wherever they were going when the grandchildren of their home the grandchildren would go to church with the grandparents and they would ask the permission for that and if it's if it's a very strong issue then you find a way to not do it do not defiance of a parent is poison no matter what you do you've got to find a way to either abstain or to ask permission and do it with permission it that that other way around never works but the the idea of just showing them if you will there are many expressions I I took my young grandson with me to a men's group men's breakfast we used to have a prayer breakfast and I asked him if he wanted to go he said sure so he was a big shot you know all these grown men and everything else he remembered that for years to come and his father knew where we were going you know she's not a member of men's prayer group obviously but still but you can show them that plus the way you live that's another thing if they know faith community's strong view they want to know why and you get an opportunity it never works to preach atoms I think we ought to give our children some structure when they're young and then back up and let them come back if they choose to oh that that's great advice because I think too I just jump back to my own teenage experience and probably your work with youth ministry if if you don't have a good why those kids are going to quickly figure out the person that's standing up in front of him saying hey you need to be honest but then that person's being sued for fraud from a business partner or something similar and the the questions are definitely going to go off and they don't understand maybe nuances maybe some different things that happen but that having that why especially when it comes to matters of faith or even just any values like hey why did you not keep the ten dollars you found on the floor at Target and you turned it into customer service there's a one of the things that a lot of grandparents are afraid of is social media but on Facebook when I share things on Facebook people know my philosophy I don't share about I'll share three things a week but they're all meaningful sayings by very smart people and they all go in the same direction one of the things that I've done for the last 15 years my older sister and I decided to keep our family glued together when they were all over the United States so I started writing but I call it family newsletter every Sunday morning I sit down for an hour or so and I write a little blurb it usually has a little bit of a sermon and I say sermon over no more applause or whatever the case may be I do birthdays in there for the entire family it's now 60 people nieces nephews brand kids etc and whenever a grand kid I put a grand kid in there which I announce a lot of their their awards I will call their mom and dad and say have them read the newsletter this week if they don't get it on their own but also social media gives you a chance to give them a flavor of who you are and that that modeling thing if you will that that is what they see they would see through it you weren't going and so that's my way of kind of communicating that with them and especially if there's a difference in faith background etc etc I put some very strong people and and all 15 years I've had to consider that my 60 people are from all ends the spectrum so but but if you're just treating yourself and and you're really honestly put out good stuff and are caring about it it hits home every time that's that's awesome I love that advice I would like to ask you to about how your passion for being a grandfather has grown into your work with your good to great-grandparenting especially the book but then also the website and the other work you're doing around that well when it comes to basically caring about people I did it with my kids but with my grandkids I am so full of loving those kids that I cannot help myself so I found an outlet for it my son I wanted to write a blog 15 years ago blogs weren't a big eat and I said to him I said hey I want to write a blog he said dad I love you but two or three people on the family read it for a while and then they'll go away I said that's okay he said find something you think you do well I said grandparents that was it I started writing my caring grandparents blog and within about five months I had a thousand people a month coming there because grandparents wanted to find out what other grandparents are doing and I was able to raise up my grandkids and I would tell them you made the blog this week some of some of they would read it every week but still and it's a way of affirming them but it was also a way and once I realized I had that momentum my son and I were in the commerce he said dad he said right right of one pager that's okay well can you make it a pamphlet yeah well it you're pretty let's do a booklet well that was my first book 151 pages in a second book and and it's kept going I call myself an accidental author because I got there because I cared about something very deeply and I realized I did it well and the deeper I got into it as you have done you get around people of like mine you get enthusiastic about and that's exactly how I came about to caring grandparents and now good to great and my next I'm halfway through another book that that's awesome you know one of the things that you were talking about is not only do you get into this group and this this culture around grand parenting but because nobody's relationship is the same nobody's backgrounds the same it's always changing it's not just how do you open a pizzeria you know in a strip mall you know you can do that all over the place but with grand parenting everything's a little different everything keeps you know being fresh and new well we have a societal shift for so many reasons and there are people you can go find or explain those reasons I know some of them but I don't know all of them but the societal shift is a reality and any grandparents are in denial and that's not a good strategy because it's not going to change it's already changed one of the things that I was asked one time what is the one thing do you think grandparents get wrong I said first of all they think grand parenting is the same as it was for their grandparents and great-grandparents like falling off the load and it is not it a more intentional you are the more you get back there are no freelancers and so a lot of times when you when I counsel or write about grand parenting I have to say I know you don't like it but this is the reality and as they check it out I admonish people especially with grandkids but also with extended family meet them where they are not where you want them to be and that's a real hard thing to swallow because we have paid hard we think our wish is the only wisdom on the face of Europe and it it may be but if we don't communicate it properly we're just flowing into it I love that especially when there's so many grandparents that have as you said not only with experience but also experience within corporate settings or leadership or whatever and the messaging that we always hear is step forward take charge you know lead the conversations do all these things and with grand parenting it's almost a bit of a reverse of that it's put on your listening let them talk let them you know set the direction and you're there for support and in in guidance and in wisdom and and only when asked yes you get that advice and wisdom I think it's Linda Eyre Richard Linda Eyre as you know our creates the our space and she's the one that said I call it the metaphorical role of duct tape when you want to just offer your opinion but it on your mouth and listen you later you could go back and revisit but in the height of emotion that is not your place you may be wrong I mean that's the other side of that when you start handing out advice to families of how to raise children etc etc they're their children they're not ours I have a I think we ought to have an 11th commandment how's that for big stuff all right late on me for grandparents it'd be it should be thou shalt thou shalt honor your grandchildren's mother and father if you come at her from that focal thrust you're going down the right road and very often it's supposed to be what you're supposed to honor me you interviewed Ted Page I believe it was yes interviewed Ted Tom Brokaw yes and Tom Brokaw he asked him the one important thing and Tom Brokaw said is you must earn he admiration of your children and your grandchildren because if you don't meet them where they are or if you cause trouble or if you start handing out advice people don't want they're not gonna offer you you have to earn it besides that it's like good seeing good saying it's a great way to go through your life I'll call my son and her daughter-in-law and I'll say well you know is there anything well I'm gonna have the kids this weekend is there anything I'm supposed to do or or I'm supposed to eat everything else except you always to go with a kids just do what you want that's wrong yeah yeah no that that's a lot of trust there especially a lot of young moms and in first-timers and all that kind of stuff there's a high degree of anxiety when those kids go to somebody else even when it's a loving parent it's it's there and so for somebody to go ah you do pretty good just you know make sure you return them in the same condition you got them now Neil I'd also like to talk to you a little bit about your thoughts around grandparenting and leaving a legacy there's two ways to leave a legacy what is to set it in stone write it down everything else and all that and again two or three people may read it but probably not for very long or you can just live it and it becomes my newsletter family newsletters that way now after 15 years five hundred we get week of newsletters and I get to sneak all my little stuff in there and consequently they they don't feel preached at if you will and I get some pretty significant things but then the other thing you look for is it coming back to they repeat it back to you and as a dad you know that your boys have said stuff to you and you said oh you are listening back ten years ago when I said that I've had that with my youth group members come back to but this story is my another one of my pride and joy and it happens to be that big 280 pound guy standing up there next to my great grandson that's his band spot I wrote this in a up my my present foot it was a Saturday afternoon and I was sitting at my computer writing this book on grandparenting I was writing about how I had committed to sending each of my grandchildren what I call an electronic hug at least once a week I stopped typing grab my phone I always start with my first born grandchild Zach he's now 35 years old and lives six hours away in Asheville we best teach back and forth as follow me while writing my grandparenting book it brought back fond memories of hanging out with you I was calling our helicopter ride first for both of us along with the monster trucks and race cars I think there's a thing of my motors here hope you are doing well his response came swiftly back very well I'm actually taking little deontae my nephew to go see monster trucks tomorrow I'm not sure who is more excited me or him with a smiley pace of coaches my my response was the apple doesn't fall far from the tree here comes the amazing payoff for this old grandma sack I think about those same memories with you all the time too I was just telling someone yesterday about our first ride in airplane when we went to chimney rock all those times we went and race go cars I still have my sign photo of Jeff Gordon that you gave and my mom sign photo of Harry Gantt on a motorcycle I I'm assuming that one thing you also I'm not sure if I've ever officially thanked you for all the great times you've had but generally genuinely they meant more me than you ever know I did have a lot of great memories with anyone as a kid pretty much all of those came from you best of all I learned from you how to pass that same gift down to other kids and try my best to be that person or every kid I can so seriously thank you I love your grip my response was love you back that's a 35 year memory so that to me epitomizes if you become a great grandpa or a good grandpa or a caring grandpa and show that to the kids you don't have to preach to that's awesome I love that example Neil before we wrap up this conversation is there anything about being a grandparent that you'd like to mention that I haven't asked you about or share some of the resources that you have for folks I think one of the one of the standout things is that grandparents weren't trained to reach out there a tremendous amount of resources and things that you don't have to be in trouble AARP has a lot of chat rooms that are monitored and they're pretty positive of nature and all that kind of stuff by the way in one of their chat rooms on the king of the upside-down hood but it you know there those are positive if you find your tribe if you will find other grandparents and talk about grand parenting it is not that falling off log deal and you become an intentional grandparent you become a grandparent on purpose and the more you do that the more it feeds you back the more you're gonna want to do it so there was a guy one time doing a sales pitch and he had 30 people in the audience and he said now you know you guys are here night growing enthusiastic and before next week somebody's gonna say boo and a half a year run away and then the 15 that'll be in the room the following week somebody's gonna say boo and 10 of your run away oh I have five well don't let people say boo don't let people say no to you especially when it comes to visiting grandpa the visitation rights are things that there are any ways to go about and some of our is easy there's nothing easy about it but there's nothing easy about life in general anyway but just find a way to do everything you possibly can do because you become a better person for the giving and that is the that's the key thing to do he putting it out there so that would be my consistently put it out that's awesome it kneel how can people get in touch with you how can they maybe subscribe to the blog or find your books caring grandparents.com which by the way will be the title of my next book during grandparents. Caringgrandparents.com has about 400 articles on it has all the information about books it has my philosophical approach to grand parenting all over it so you get what much of what I've said is written there again it there's ways to get a hold of me on there I have a virtual assistant in the Philippines that monitors that and every time I get a question she makes sure it's in front of me so I look at that on a regular basis that's awesome and I'll be sure to put the link to that into the show notes below and as well as maybe a couple of the links to the Amazon pages where the folks can order your books appreciate it well Neil I've really enjoyed having this conversation with you and I know we're going to have more conversations down the road so thank you so much for spending time with us today and in talking to us about your experience with being a grandfather and thank you for raising grandpa's up because we got to get lost in shop for here so thank you so much for doing that I appreciate it. Like I said it was a blast having Neil on the cool grandpa podcast I really enjoyed having this conversation with him and I got a lot out of this I mean it's great to have his insights as well as it's great to talk to a great grandfather. So it's been a fabulous conversation with Neil I hope you enjoyed this conversation I've got links down to the caring grandparents you'll be able to navigate and get connected to Neil through that website so I hope you cool kids have enjoyed this conversation as much as I did please remember to like and subscribe wherever you're either watching this or listening to it it really helps us grow the messaging about how valuable grandfathers are in the lives of their grandkids as well as in the community so until next time remember to stay cool. Thank you for listening to the cool grandpa podcast if you've enjoyed this episode please do me a favor and share it with a friend that's the best way you can help us to expand our community as well as get the news out about how valuable grandpas are in the lives of those kids if you'd like to leave me a comment or shoot me a potential topic for this podcast please go to www.cool-grandpa.us look for the comments tab fill it up hit submit it's as easy as that until next time remember to stay cool you you
