Bitchslap

Melrose Place S4 E5 - Drawing Henry

Kimberly remembers, Sydney listens in, Amanda didn't approve of the four color layout, Brooke goes to the museum, Alison gets wet, Billy sees something, Jake is an idiot, Matt is gonna blackball Hobbes, Michael is gonna testify, Peter calls Ohio, Jo doesn't swim, and Jane doesn't even like her fiancé.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Broadcast on:: 03 Oct 2024
Audio Format:: other

Hey, it's Sharon, and here's where it gets interesting. Raise your hand if you want salon perfect nails for just $2 a manicure. Yeah, me too. With the Olive and June Manny system, you can say goodbye to expensive services that take hours and hours and love your nails more than ever I would know I've been doing it for years. Get 20% off your first Manny system with code PERFECT MANY20 at OliveandJune.com/PERFECT MANY20. Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. With the price of just about everything going up during inflation, we thought we'd bring our prices down. So to help us, we brought in a reverse auctioneer, which is apparently a thing. Mint Mobile unlimited, premium wireless, $30, $30, $30, $30, $30, $30, $30, $20, $20, $20, $20, $20, $20, $20, $15, $15, $15, $15 just $15 a month, so... Give it a try at mintmobile.com/switch. $45 up from payment equivalent to $15 per month, new customers on first three month plan only. Taxes and fees extra. Speed slower above 40 gigabytes of detail. Hi, welcome to Bitch Slap, this is Rachel Fisher, this is Desi Jadakan, and this is Melrose Place, season four, episode five, drawing Henry. And we literally start off drawing Henry, I know. And this is a great sketch artist. I was like, this is art, he nailed it. But he added some elements of it that looked like he was coming out of something. Yeah. There was like a background. He added like his own artistic interpretation, like that Henry was like in a black hole. It had a sinister, it looked like Saint in art or something. Do you think that his boss is like, Harold, you don't have to do all that. You don't have to add your, you just draw the face, Harold. No, he's like going extra. We need this guy doing like police sketches, because he's like, this is crazy. Like Peter, of course, is in the room with Kimberly as she's describing Henry. And she's telling him he's real. She's like, he's real or he represents someone who is. Yeah. And Peter's just like leaning against the wall. What is that? I don't want to know what that noise was. At D&D, Amanda is scolding Brooke because she signed off on a four color layout without her approval. This made me laugh because I was like, that doesn't seem like that many colors. Like, is that extra expensive, but I don't know what she says. Just because you blackmailed me for a corner office, doesn't mean you can sign off on a four color layout without prior approval. And then the phone rings and Brooke answers. And it's Antonio Sabato, Jr. going, it's Jack Parisi. He's such a dud. He's such a dud. And he's like, I'm around the corner. I want to say hello. And she's like, uh, how do you get my number? And she's like, okay, meet me at the cafe at the Wilshire Hotel. And she tells Amanda that it was a new client on the phone. Yeah. Like, as if Amanda wouldn't know, wouldn't know who that was. Or she'd be like, you can't see new clients without, or ask who. Yeah. Amanda's his name was like, who are you at the cafe? Jack Parisi is hitting on Brooke. He's like, you're as beautiful as I remember. He dropped your business card at my house. Now, why would a beautiful woman who says she's in commercial real estate work at an ad agency? And she's like, uh, um, she, she kind of comes up with some good responses. She's like, I just am interested in real estate for my family. This is what I do for my day job. Yeah. She, it's like she hasn't made any plans like what to say. Yeah. But he's really hitting on her and she's like, I'm married. And he's like, so Brooke is so bad. It's like she cannot resist flirting. Yeah. Like, cause she is flirting back with him and she likes the attention, like she loves it. Yeah. Heart and man, Cini designs grand opening. They changed the font. They changed the font. They did a huge, where you pulled the string and the, the fabric falls down. Yeah. It was like, yay. Um, Rich, here's my question I have. Why does Jane still use man? You think she'd bail on that? Cause Sydney took the name and Michael, such a piece of shit. I mean, obviously it's just a cooler name than her. Yeah. Yeah. Probably. But it's just funny to me. Cause you'd think there would be part of her is like, fuck that guy, like, he'd be disgusted. Yeah. And as long as she has the surname, man, Cini, he can always be like, oh, I got a piece of that. That's my name. Cut all ties in a way, like, I don't know. So Richard looks bummed and she's like, Richard, what's wrong? And he's like, we just have different agendas. He wants to get married. Yeah. He wants a commitment. And she's like, Richard, you know, I just want to focus on my designs. She's acting like no one at the office knows they're fucking, it's like everyone knows. You kidding me? Like he got this job. Why are you still here? You're fucking him. Like it's crazy. And he's like, well, don't wait too long. I might find someone else. The minute someone said that to me, I'd be like, go and buy, buy. I'm done. I don't want that. It's like, oh, so you just want to get married. Also, it's like, when the guy is pressuring you to get married, that's like more unusual. Look, after a few weeks, do you know what I mean? It's like, what's his deal? Do they just guys trying to tie me down? Come on. Is someone lighting fireworks? I know. I was just like, I know the Dodgers didn't play tonight. Well, what's why are they? Why are they lighting fireworks? What the hell? At the hospital, Dr. Hobbs and Michael and Peter all get subpoenaed. And they get subpoenaed because Matt Fielding has filed a lawsuit and Dr. Hobbs looks at the subpoena. And he says, Matt Fielding is suing me for sexual discrimination. I didn't say any of this. And Michael's like, yeah, you didn't. I was there. And Hobbs threatens Michael. He's like, if you testify, I'll ruin you. And he's like, that's okay. I don't know. I'm not scared of you. Michael wants the chief of staff job. Yeah. He wants him to go down. He's like, go ahead. And after Dr. Hobbs leaves in a huff, Peter's like, now Michael, don't jeopardize my livelihood with your friend or for your friend. Yeah. And Michael's like, yeah, what about Kimberly? For all the time you spend with that wacko, we could be doing four or five more surgeries a week. Peter's wary about Michael testifying, but Michael's like, well, it's a good thing because I'm going to get this chief of staff job. Yeah. And then we'll be cooking with surgeries. I'll book us all the time. I don't understand it's like he, they have their own practice, but he wants to be chief of staff at this hospital. That seems pretty unreasonable. I don't think people have both of those jobs. Like why would you, because chief of staff is like administrative as well. Right. Because it's not, I can understand if they had like a, like a cosmetic surgery practice on the side, but they're acting like they're doing surgeries in their office. They should just do injectables. I know. I know. That would be, then you could do other things. That's an easy gig. What kind of surgeries are they doing there? I don't understand. I don't even know what they're, don't they have a focus? Like what's their, their specialty? Do you know what I mean? Are they just seeing people for like their yearly physicals? Why do they keep talking about booking surgeries? Or maybe they're seeing people at their office and then go taking them to the hospital. But don't they have a specialty? Like does Peter focus on heart? Right. I don't know. What do you think Michael does surgery on? The butt. It's like a gynecologist. Yes. Michael is fully a gynecologist. Joe has a meeting at Mackenzie Heart. She's in Richard's office because there's a photo shoot tomorrow. And he's like, Joe, I got to ask you a favor. I think Jane needs a friend to point out that she's got a man in her life who wants nothing more than to make her happy. Now I'm mad at Joe. Because if someone came up to me and said that about you to me, I'd be like, fuck you. That's a red flag. That is a, I'd be like, sure. And then I'd immediately go and tell you he said that. It's creepy. Why would you, that's like weird and pushy. I, I'm like shocked, Joe, I kept waiting for Joe to be like, this is weird or talk to Jake or something. And she's like, goes along with it. It's not like he said to her, can you find out if Jane likes me? Which is pathetic, but at least more reasonable, like creepy controlling. No, because it's like, look, I, I can't get a read on her. Yeah. Is she in to me? Like you don't have to come back to me. I'm just curious, like, if you have any insight I get, or you want someone to say, like, look, I got your friends. Maybe this is weird. But I don't know who else to ask, like, right, but he doesn't do any of that. No, he, but he, and he doesn't even ask that. He wants her to persuade Jane. It's just, I would be mad. He doesn't even care if Jane likes him. He wants. Or if it's the right thing for her. No, he just wants Joe to be like, Jane, Jane, Jane is a nice guy. He loves you. He's not going to shoot you on a boat. Oh, my God. So she's like, Oh, see what I can do. That night, Jake is going for a swim when Joe comes home. And she's like, he's like, Hey, Joe. And she's like, I'm just rethinking my whole life. Yeah. He's like, remember we're boyfriend and girlfriend? It's like they got to establish they're still going out. And she's like, I got to do a favor for Richard. Yeah, but she doesn't go into it. Yeah. And Jake's like, why don't you get in the pool? And she's like, OK, I'll get some beer. So she goes upstairs to get some beers. And I guess put on a swimsuit. Which was shock. I was like, I can't believe we're going to see Joe swim. I don't know if I've ever seen that. She definitely wears a one piece. I'm just like with like the really high thighs. Yeah, she wears a black one piece. I'm just like, we've never seen her in the pool. It doesn't seem right. We've never seen her in the pool. Or even just, yeah, it's weird. I was like, she doesn't swim. I don't think Joe swims now. So Shelly walks out as Joe is on the landing. And she was walking so slow. I was like, why is she taking so long? And then I was like, OK, she had to see Shelly. It was weird. Shelly comes out in her two piece bathing suit. And with beers. With beers. And like her mouth that's always open. And she's like, Jake, I got you two beers and I filled your fridge. Yeah, she's staying with him still. It's like she doesn't move her teeth. Who is this act? It's like she's kind of vaguely familiar. But I think she just looks like a more famous actress. Jake, I filled your fridge. I filled your fridge with groceries. And Joe's like, no, she's like mid-landing. She's like, never mind. Yeah, she's like, I'm going to get out of here. I got to work. And Jake's like, Joe, wait, Joe, he just gets out of the pool. Stopping wet. Running on the cement. Running on the stresses me out. Me too. And she's pissed. And they start arguing about Shelley and her string bikini. That was so relatable. Yeah. Joe was upset about the string bikini. And it wasn't even a string bikini, but I appreciated that it was the vibe of a string bikini. Because there were strings. It was a little more covered than a typical string bikini. Because it had the bra cups top. Yes, but it did tie with a string. So it was technically a string bikini, but it wasn't like a classic string bikini. And honestly, I'm with Joe in this fight. Jake is out of control that he doesn't think is weird. What's happening? And Joe does do what we said that she should do last episode, which is she sets a hard boundary with Jake. I just think it's-- I think the thing is the way Joe handles the situation makes her look stupid. But her opinion is correct. Her opinion is absolutely correct. And she says to Jake, look, I know exactly what this girl's doing. She's coming into your life all of a sudden, playing the grieving widow. And she's all hapless and a little wafe. The wafe. I mean, she's painting a picture of this woman. I like when she's like, we don't even know if she knows Jess. So that was a good one. I was like, that's true. Yeah, how do you even know? He did not check anything out here, which is classic Jake, to let someone run his business. I never even know who they are. She's taking care of his books. I know. And he doesn't know who the hell she is. What an idiot. This is so classic Jake just being an absolute dumbass. And like a good guy. He's so dumb because it's like, yes, he is a good guy. But all the times when he could have like-- Remember how he was, I don't want to need your hand out. Well, here's the thing with Jake. He has all these trust issues. But then with the wrong-- With the situations, he doesn't eat too trusting. That's what I'm saying. Like when Joe offered him money, it was like this big affront to his masculinity. Right. Well, because he is the one helping in these situations, right? He's just so, he doesn't know how to let people help him. And the people he helps are all fucking losers who are-- They're not worth the hell. They're not worthy of it. They don't want help. They want to fuck you over. And it couldn't be more obvious. He's an idiot. If somebody-- That's why I think if she approached it from an angle that didn't seem like she was just a jealous girl. She has a right to be, in my opinion, don't have this woman living with her boyfriend, where you don't know them. But you know what I'm saying? I think she said, look, I'm concerned. We don't know who she is. She's running your books. I just think there was a way she could have done it where Jake wouldn't have gotten all weird. No, if a hot person who dated my brother showed up at my door randomly and was secretly married to your brother, and then can I move in with you? I'd be like, well, can I see your Instagram? Do you have any proof of that? Why have I never heard of you? Do you have any proof of that? I would have a million questions. And I would be like, let's go get coffee somewhere. I'd be like, first of all, no. Yes, you wouldn't hire them to work on our podcast. (laughing) Or I would be like, what are you doing? I mean, yeah, and also I wouldn't let them stay at my fucking house. No, someone you've never met that claims that they were married to my sibling? I mean, maybe I would help them get a hotel room and pay for it. I'm not doing that. But yeah, I agree. If they were hard up, if they just came and they like, and here's the thing, any normal person would be like, look, I get it. Don't let me in your fucking house. Oh, yeah. Like, you know what I mean? A normal person would recognize the insanity of a situation. So it's very sus to me that she's like, this is acceptable. And why doesn't he recognize it? That's suspicious. I don't know. And everything she does is so clearly manipulative that it's frustrating to watch him fall for it. Yeah. And obviously Joe is trying to talk some sense of to him. She's like, dude, she's like, I wouldn't be surprised if she doesn't even know Jess. And then Jake goes, whoa, you're out of line here. Like, why is he defending her? And she's like, well, you just made your choice then. She's right. And he says, fine. That relationship is going nowhere fast. They just can't connect. No. Yeah. At Billy's apartment, Brooke is whining because daddy hasn't called her in a week or in days. And she says, he's up to something. And then the phone rings. It's Jack Parisi. He now has Brooke's home number. Yeah. This is crazy because she obviously doesn't want Billy to know who she's talking to. Yeah. And she's like, how did you get this number? And Billy is right by her. I was like, why would you say that right when he's there? He's standing, he's standing next to her or behind her. And Jack Parisi is like, clocks ticking. I want to see you tomorrow morning at 8 a.m. at the art museum. I'd be like, 8 a.m. That's early. Are they even open? That is pretty early. And wait, what is um, when she gets off the phone with him and Billy's drinking white wine, she's like, she's like the checks in the mail. She pretends it's like a client or a bill that she owes a bill or something. Yeah, it's some businessy thing. And Billy's like, well, that's a lie. He says they pay. That's one of the three great lives. They say that's one of the three great lives, the checks in the mail. He's standing literally eight inches from her, the whole conversation. And she's literally like, did you get this number? Yeah. Like you would ever say that a bill collector. And obviously he's very suspicious. That would be a very funny thing to say to a bill collector. How did you get this number? Honestly, I feel that sometimes you do. How dare you feel like that? I'm like, I didn't give it to you. No, I dare you call me. The next day Joe is moaning about Jake and Shelley to Jane as they have coffee in her apartment because they're getting ready to go to the photo shoot. And then the conversation turns to Richard. And Joe is like, yeah, Joe steers the conversation to Richard because now she has to convince Jane that Richard's a good guy. This is where I was blown away that she starts gas and Richard up. Because I was like, wait, how are I thought I was like giving you a chance here. Thinking you thought it was weird and just didn't say anything in the moment. But how are you not right now? I'm going, look, he asked me to like, this is where you would have the conversation. Yeah, be like, look, he seems like a nice guy. I've only met him a few times. He's really hot, but I'm just I'm just I'm letting you know. This is what he said to me in his office. So I don't know if he's really insecure. If maybe you need to like, you know, let him know how you feel. If you like him, because he's not sensing it. Do a 69. Yeah, I don't know. Do you guys need to 69 this out? I don't think Jane's 69s, there's no way. It's too distracting. Distracting your deaks in my and you're eating my pussy can't. She's like, Jane, he's a really great guy and he loves you. And you act like you barely know him. She's basically like, it's never worth it before. Maybe try a guy you don't like, like, it's too stupid. I was like, the last person I'm taking love advice is from Joe. But I'm sorry, like, no. And the one guy and the one guy that she's kind of on and off again with that is a good guy is also so fucking stupid and neither of them can communicate with each other. No, that relationship is bad. At least Jake's a good guy. But it's like other than that, oh, the guy you killed, who's bad? Sorry, sorry, babe. So Jane is like, Joe, I need to focus on my designs. And Joe's like, promise me on keeping open mind about Richard. What does she care? They head out, but Shelly stops them on the way out. And she's like, Joe, I sleep on the couch. This is so weird to me too, like her trying to talk to Joe. And I do feel like Joe's like a little bitchy here. It was funny though. She's very funny. She's like, I don't want to hear it, Shelly. I don't even know because technically Shelly hasn't done anything. Do you know what I mean? Like Joe could say her or write this book. Look, it's kind of weird. Like, do you know what I mean? Like I feel like confront Shelly more directly. I would confront her directly instead of being this. I would be a different kind of bitchy because I do judge her for doing this. For being like, I'm going to stay at this guy's house like an ask and impose. I would just be like, like look at this from my point of view. Right. Like what's going on here? It's hard for me not to be suspicious. Like, do you know what I mean? Like or be uncomfortable. Yeah, we don't know who you are. At the Art Museum, Brooke meets Jack and she's like, I can't do this. Please don't call me and please stay out of my life. And he's like, my wife is very much alive and well in living here. And she's like, I don't know what you're talking about. But he doesn't believe her. He says, let's just say a housewife was an Amanda's thing. Guess where she wanted to work. Advertising. I love that Amanda's dream is advertising to work in advertising from a very young age. She's always wanted to be an ad. Exactly. I was laughing because I thought he was going to say her dream was always to work at Dune he should have been funny if it was that specific. She always talked about the fame D&D. They're on the stock exchange. Right. They're the publicly traded company in LA. He doesn't believe Brooke. And he demands to know where she is. And she's like, well, I don't know. And he's becoming threatening and she fucking relents. But she tells a lie. She says, look, I knew Amanda years ago. She borrowed some money from me and she left town. And I haven't seen her since. And then Jack gets really close to Brooke and starts caressing her cheek. And that's what we see. And that's when we see Billy suddenly stroll by and stop dead in his tracks. What the fuck is Billy doing at the art museum also? That's what I was like. Did he hear this on the phone? Because why would he have been there otherwise? No, but the way it looked was actually stumbled. And I think he heard it. But then the way he acted it looked like he was just strolling around the museum. Maybe he didn't know where they were. Maybe they were at LACMA because they're referring to the art museum. And we know that D&D is on Miracle Mile. So maybe it's really close to LACMA and he was like getting a coffee. Yeah, I don't know. It's definitely performed that way. So maybe he knew where they were, but he wasn't exactly sure. I think he was walking down the street and just happened to stumble on. That was crazy. Because that's the look he... No, he gives it totally like dope. He literally stops in his track and is like, and that's not the scene ends. It ends with his face. It ends with his face. Too bad that wasn't the black and white. I know. The credit card. Now my favorite thing is predicting what it's going to be. Me too. That would have been... We would have had to record it. It was just him stopping in his track and going, Right, that was the dramatic replay they do. Oh my God. Speaking of commercial breaks, let's take a quick break here. I'll be right back. A message paid for by veterans for all voters. Listen to this message from Ted Delacath, former army infantrymen and Ranger qualified platoon leader active in the army reserves. When I enlist in the army, I swore an oath to this country. Not any political party. That's why I'm interested in citizens ballot measures around the country to reduce the power of political parties. Colorado votes on one too. Right now, election rules allow political insiders to hand-pick party nominees. It's the reason we're usually stuck voting for the lesser of two evils. Colorado's plan creates an open primary where all candidates appear on one primary ballot. Every voter has the freedom to vote for any candidate, no matter which party. The Colorado plan advances four candidates to the general election, not two. That means more choices for voters in the primary and general election. Get the facts. Elections belong to the voters, not political parties. Paid for by veterans for all voters, Anthony Haas registered agent. The use of military rank and job titles does not implant endorsement by the Department of the Army or the Department of Defense of this ballot measure. At the psych ward, Peter is trying to help Kimberly remember who this guy is. Henry. Yeah. Because he's like, we need to get you out of this hospital. It's the key to everything. He's acting like if she remembers the court is going to be like, well, what can we do? You remembered the man. Well, this is like what I remembered this episode. I was like, oh, right. He's now trying to prove that she's actually saying because she's gotten off from being insane. She got like no charges because she was insane. She was declared insane. Right. And now he's like, and now the part two of our plan is to get you declared sane. Like we had a few weeks. No, this would never happen. No one would ever let this happen. Because this should be something that takes years, right? Yeah. Right. Yeah. This is like literally weeks later. No, this is something you discuss with your lawyer or with your shady boyfriend, Peter Burns, and you're like, look, here are your options. Yeah. You can either spend the rest of your life in a maximum security prison. Or you can go to a psych hospital. Now, here's the pros and cons of each. The pros to going to the psych hospital is there's a slight chance maybe in like 15 years, you can get out with a lot of hard work with a lot of hard work. And that's what's weird because it's like he thinks she was lying and pretending to be insane. Right. The whole thing is a mess. It's such a mess. And so all she knows is that the face is familiar and it scares her, but she can't place where she knows this guy from. Yeah. At D&D, Billy confronts Brooke. He said, what the hell are you doing at the museum? You're cheating on me. And she has like a premonition of his real life during these days. Oh my God. And she's like, Billy, we can talk about it later. And he's like, I've had it with you, Brooke. It makes me laugh so hard when he speaks to her that way. I know. He's like, I've had it with you. I was like, that's how you speak to like a dog or something. Like imagine your husband saying that. I've had it with you. It's like, she's like a child to him. And she kind of is. Well, she is a child. She does act like a child. It's just a funny terminology he uses with her. He says something else a few episodes ago in the when they were with me. It was just like, he does not respect her. No, not that she's deserving of respect. No, but that is his wife. And now she's like, we're going to talk about it now. And she's like, okay, Amanda's husband's here in LA. Yeah. Why not just tell him? And he goes, what? She's in the dark about everything. This is the first he's hearing about any of this. And she's like, he scares me. I don't know what to do because well, you should tell Amanda. Yeah. That night, Hayley Armstrong shows up at Melrose Place. He looks so out of place. I know. And he knocks on Allison's door because he wants to talk. And she lets him in. And he's like, listen, Allison, we have something in common. We both want to see Brooke and Billy broken up. You sent me to Hong Kong. Why would I trust you? And he's like, good point. He's like, you got me there. He's like, well, what about the office I set you up in? That was pretty cool. Yeah. No. All that she wasery. He's like, let's go back to my granny yacht. Let's have a meeting. Well, let's discuss this further. Remember my granny yacht? I would be so irritated. I'd be like, why can't we go to your house in Pasadena? I don't want to go in your yacht. I don't want to drive to Marina Del Rey. Are you crazy? No. Yeah. Take me to a restaurant, bitch. Yeah. Have dinner with me at a restaurant. I don't have weird, who's cooking on your yacht? I want to go to Spago. It take me there, bitch. Take me to a fancy restaurant. He wants to have a discussion with her over dinner on his yacht, parked at Marina Del Rey. Docked, whatever. Docked to the park. He paralled the park. She's like, I'll think about it. And he's like, bring a sweater. Why did he say that? I guess it was like, you're coming. Don't forget a sweater. It was confident. She wears the frumpy stuff. Yeah. Don't forget your cashmere cardigan set. Like, whatever. She got her little baby blue cardigan. No, she was wearing a navy. It was like a-- No, I'm talking about the docks. To the docks? She was wearing a navy card. That was navy? Desi, that was not baby blue. I thought she was wearing baby blue sometime in this episode. In this episode, she might have been wearing baby blue, but she was wearing a pastel floral, like wrapped dress, some kind of flowy material, and a ribbed navy sweater. Oh my god. That looked like it was from H&M. Yes. Okay, I'm sorry. That's-- I'm getting ahead of myself. Allison smiles, and Haley Armstrong's been very horny about this. He's like, I got you. Yeah. @burnsmancini, Sydney is on the phone, and she's talking to Michael, and she's looking at this magazine that has Jane and Richard on the cover. What magazine is this? It's called Wear, W-E-A-R, and it's like a downtown LA zine or something. It doesn't look very expensive. No, it looks like a booklet. And it's like those magazines that the Real Housewives are always on the cover of? Yes. It's those hyper-local magazines. And it's almost like pay-to-play. Yeah, because they're like lugs. It's like gen lugs. Do you know what I mean? Those magazines that are very hyper-specific to LA or Orange County. Even like neighborhood-specific almost. Because there's always on Beverly Hills, it's like Lisa's on the cover of some magazine you never heard of, and you're like, "Why? Why?" Yeah, Lisa's probably paid for it. She's on the cover of "Burton Way Bitches." It's true. And they always have a party. Oh, like a launch. The launch part. And it's like, "What? You paid for this whole thing. It's not a real magazine." So Jane and Richard are on the cover, because this deal, this historic fashion deal. Yeah. And she's pissed, Sydney. Sydney's pissed about it, and Peter walks in, and she's off the phone with Michael, and he's like, "Any man seen any updates?" Yeah, because she's supposed to be spying. Right. And she like shows in the picture of Jane and Richard on this magazine. She's like, "Can you believe this?" She actually thinks that her and Michael are owed money here. Oh, yeah. She's like, "Michael, we need to try and--" They got a new business. We should try and get some money out of them. I'm sorry, Peter shows up, and he wants man-seen-y tea. And she's like, "He's quiet as a patient after electroshock." And he's like, "Go home, Sydney." No, she has her little rotary of mental institution jokes ready to go. She's like, "How's Kimberly drooling much?" Like, it's just like one after the other. She's taking all these shots at Kimberly. Peter goes into his office and makes a call, and he is like two feet away from Sydney. And Sydney picks up the phone to listen in, immediately. This was like a throwback for me, because I remember lifting the phone so carefully, so I could not make the click, but I could start listening in. Yes. And then if you have to hang up, you press the button down first. Do you press the button down first, and then you put the receiver down? So, and like getting busted. Oh, it was perfect. And they'll be like, "Hello?" And you make one false move. You make one false move, because everything's amplified. Yes, but that was always the worst is when someone would catch you, or when you would catch someone listening in on your, you would hear that click. Got you, bitch. Yeah. So, she's like listening in on this call that Peter makes from his office. And he's on the phone with Kimberly's mom. He's like, "Hello, Mrs. Shaw. This is Dr. Peter Burns. And your daughter is my patient." Yeah, and she's like perfectly cast. Yeah, she's got red hair. And she's like, "Mrs. Shaw, your daughter is in a psychiatric hospital. I don't know if you know this, but she committed an act of terrorism." She hurt many people. How are you lays it out? How are we kind of like, "What?" How would she not know this? That her daughter, was this not a national news story? That someone blowing up an apartment building? Back then? Any time is, okay, imagine this, Desi. Imagine a doctor, a surgeon at Cedar Sinai, blew up an apartment building in West Hollywood and killed somebody. It would be national news. Oh my God, especially back then, where things were not all things were happening. That happens a lot nowadays. So maybe these kind of crazy shootings and whatever, and they don't get as much. But back then, that shit would be in the news for too straight weeks. Yeah, that would dominate the news cycle until the next thing happened. Yes. That's what it used to be like. I cannot believe that the mom was like, "She's what?" Not one friend was like, "Is that your Kimberly? Shut up!" Like, do you know what I mean? Like, the mom Amish? She doesn't like Cleveland or something, right? Yes, she doesn't Cleveland. She's not like the middle of nowhere. She's not churning butter. Or like in Switzerland. Yeah, this is crazy. She's like shocked. She's like, "What? Psych ward? Why?" He's like, "We need you to come down to LA because your daughter's being tormented by a man that she calls Henry." And Mrs. Shaw gives a look like she knows exactly who Henry is. Oh, it's obvious. Because she's shook. Yes, she's like, "Henry, never hurt us." Like, it's so obvious. And she says to Peter, "I can't help you." And she hangs up. Now, this was some crazy editing. I was like, "Did I miss something? Did they cut something?" Because Kimberly Shaw's mom hangs up and we cut to the next scene, which opens practically mid-sentence of Kimberly's mom in the psych ward going to see Kimberly. They're like in the room where the people do like puzzles. Not even an explanation. Like, "I'm glad I changed my mind." Right, because she's literally like, "Bye, I can't help you." And she's like, "Hello, Kimberly, here to help." The very next scene, she's just there. Peter brings her over to Kimberly. And he's like, "Your mom has a court order to take you back to Ohio." And Kimberly's like, "I don't want to leave." And Peter's like, "Why don't you tell your daughter about Henry?" And she's like, "Mother, what is he talking about?" And he's like, "You need to help your daughter, Mrs. Shaw. Tell her." And Mrs. Shaw starts crying. And she's like, "Well, when Kimberly was just a little girl, I was in the kitchen baking her a cake." It was her birthday. It was her birthday. And Henry was the gardener. And he came into the house and he raped me. And Kimberly came down the stairs and she saw it. And so she took a kitchen knife and she stabbed Henry and killed him. Kimberly is like, "I did what?" No memory. And she's like, "They never pressed charges." We knew some people. We just told Kimberly it was a bad dream and she believed us. They gassed lit her ass. This would never... Also, I'm sorry, but we've all seen Henry. I would never hire this gardener. Like, I'm sorry, I'm not victim blaming here. This guy is a fucking creep. This guy looks like he has stink lines coming out of him. He is frightening looking just on the surface. No, he would never have him in my house. He is a terrifying face. He's scary. And you know this guy didn't act normal. He wasn't like hiding anything. He also looks like he's on stage. Like, he looks like he's wearing stage makeup. That's how comically villainous. And that's why I'm shocked. She's like, "Yeah, my husband's out of town. Come on in." Henry, right. He ghoul, the weird gardener. I would never. He had like, he was scarier than the guy from the bad seed. Leroy? Yeah, by a mile. Oh, 100%. I mean, at least Leroy... Leroy was more pathetic. Leroy was more pathetic. And sinister. And I probably would. No, either. No, I would not. But Henry is even scarier. Like, right. Yeah. Yeah, it's wild. Leroy is just like a creep. Like, he's a garden variety creep. Henry is like an unhinged creep. Yes, I agree. Yeah, why did they hire Leroy? Good. Now, Leroy is so scary. It's so scary. This is breed love. Yeah. And like, Leroy is so bad that I'm like, rooting for the road. I mean, I'm like, "Of course." I was like, "Fuck him. You got to defeat Leroy." Well, he tried to fucking... Black meow her. It's like, the thing with Leroy is like, "Why are you fighting with a child? Even though I know she's equal." It's like, "Does she have anything else to do? She's a kid." And no, when the mom opens the window and she sees them yelling at each other in the yard and she's like, "Ugh." What are you doing? No, it's crazy. And she has to tell him, "Leroy, you don't talk to Leroy again." Because it's unhinged that adult crazy man is talking to your child that way. And he goes, "We were just talking. What does he say?" He says, "Oh, don't worry, Mrs. Pennmark." No, he gets all like dumb and country. Yeah, oh, we were talking about school. So, remember, like, he gets all like... Humble and like dense. Oh, I don't take my actual shit down to the bush. Oh, I'm so ashamed. No, he's evil. No, he is evil. Henry's evil. Henry is evil. Um, I cannot believe Kimberly stabbed a grown man to death at the age of eight and she was not given any... Like, I understand I can believe the police didn't press charges. Of course. What I can't understand is that this child was immediately removed from school and taken to a psychiatric facility. The fact that she didn't have a lot of therapy, anything. Immediately after this is crazy. Yeah. Um, and then her parents were like, "We just told you it was a bad dream." And then it goes even further, because the mom's like, "And I couldn't even be with you." I was lying. So then I actually emotionally abandoned you. Yeah, then... For your own good. It makes it even worse. She's like, "That's why we were never close." I thought you didn't love me. It's like, "No, I loved you so much. I never spoke to you about anything." Because I was afraid to slip out. That is crazy. That is crazy of her. What an emotionally insane family. Like, "Oh yeah." That's like, no wonder she's so fucked up. No wonder she's so fucked up. And then all it took to really activate this bitch was the head injury. Yeah. That activated her. And Michael. And Michael helped too. Why should having that life and then falling in love with Michael, of all people? She had no chance. She had no fucking chance. I have Wilshire Memorial. Dr. Hobbs has Matt in his office. And he's like, "Matt, I'm going to give you a check for $25,000 if you'll forget all of this." And Matt's like, "Is that a settlement or a bribe?" Yeah. And Matt's not taking it. He's like, "You act like you're the king, but you can't just go fire people because they're gay." And he's like, "And now it's personal, Dr. Hobbs." And then Hobbs is like, "Well, who the hell do you think you are?" And Matt says, "Social worker who's damn good at his job." And Hobbs is like, "I'll blackball you from every job in LA." And then Matt's like, knock yourself out. Because when I'm done with you, every hospital will blackball you. How blackball you? That night, Allison shows up at Haley's yacht wearing a floral dress and her dumpy cardigan. It's not dumpy, it's fitted. I mean, it's a classic Allison fit. It just is boring. You know what? She's not trying to look hot here. She's not trying to look hot. She's trying to look a little like professional, I think. I just didn't like the cardigan. I didn't like the color of the cardigan with the dress. Yeah. I mean, I don't know, it doesn't, I just don't even care. I'm not looking for Allison for fashion. That's probably something that turns Haley on about Allison is that she's not Chrissy, like his daughter. Yeah. Like she is more casual. But she is a little prim. She's prim, but she's not like materialistic, I guess we should say. No, she's not at all. [silence] Allison tells Haley, "I just want to tell you, I don't want to be a part of trying to break up Billy and Brooke." Yeah, he's got like jazz playing. Yeah, he's got like a little table set up. She's like, "Look, I'm just coming here to tell you." I was like, "That could be an email or whatever." Like, "Why are you driving a Marina Del Rey to tell him that in person?" Yeah. Like, I'd call. I'd be like, "Look, I'm not doing that." I'm not driving a Marina Del Rey. No. If you want to like hang out, let's go to a restaurant. This is crazy. And she's like, "I've already embarrassed myself. I mean, you were at the wedding." Yeah, absolutely. I remember when I pretended to be blind. I don't want to- She's like, "Look, I already tried to get Billy back when I was blind. I'm done." Right. I'm done with these stunts. And he's like, "Well, let's at least toast to the future." And so he pulls out a bottle of champagne and pours her a glass. Okay, but for a second, I was looking and then I was like, "Wait, she's an alcoholic. Why is she taking the glass at all?" She took the glass. I was like, "Oh, she must say something here. Like, "Well, I can't drink this." I mean, it's funny because she doesn't drink it. She pauses before they drink it. I just feel like that would have been like, "I'm not. I don't drink, but I'll do a cheers with water." Or whatever, like, "Do you have Martinelli's?" Something. I just felt like she took a little too long to turn it down or something. She just instinctively took the glass and they toast what she doesn't drink. Instead, she's like, "I have to get going." And she walks out the boat onto the dock and immediately trips on a rope that's coiled up on the dock and she falls into the water. This was crazy because it doesn't look like she tripped that hard that you would fall into the water. She launches herself into the water, like completely dunked in. And it is comical and he runs out because he hears her scream and they're both laughing. He's pulling her out of the water and he's cracking up and she's kind of laughing too. Here's something about Haley. I realized watching this episode because he's supposed to be the hot dad, right? Like the silver fox. Yes. But he kind of gives 90s king Triton to me. He has that he's really tan and muscular. He was kind of like a hunk. He was in a lot of TV shows. He was a TV star. I know. But he's not attractive to me. He's not attractive to me either. But I feel like he's the type of guy that a lot of women at that time period thought was kind of elegant and attractive. I get that I can see that. He's just not for me. No, not at all. I think that it's also like one of those things where in this situation, he's kind of like rich and competent and that might be appealing to someone like Allison. Well, finally, Allison's not with like, she's like with a real man. Yeah, because the last time she had a rich guy, it was like this dork. Oh my God. And what was his name Parker? No, I think that's the actor's name. The way Parker Stevenson Parker Stevenson. I can't remember that guy's name. What was it? I have no memory. The computer guy. The computer guy. The Steve Jobs guy. So here's something that also drives me crazy about this scene. He like wraps her in a blanket when she's soaking wet. I don't know why I would get off. Get this off of it. Get me a towel. It's like an itchy looking like one of those fuzzy itchy blankets that old people have. Yes. That old people have to get warm. It's like wool, but it's like just to warm you. Okay, you know where they get those blankets is the Vermont country store. I just was like, I would not want to be wet and have that put on me. It would like literally, I would want to jump back in the water. I'd be like, get away from me. Put me in a towel, bitch. But I mean, we're going to get to, but the next scene, they don't answer a lot of questions about like some of the logistics in the next scene. Oh, yeah. Okay, we'll get there. Okay. Joe's photo shoot is wrapping up and she takes a phone call. It was like long-haired assistant guy. He had never seen him. He was in so much of this scene too much. It was unnecessary. It was distracting. This has to be like a friend or a family member of someone. He looked like a roadie. He was like a cheap Fabio. He's just like hanging around the set and he's like, you good Joe. It was just very weird because I was like, why is he getting so many lines? Too visible in the scene. No, he didn't need to be there. It's Jake and he's like, come up to room 1720. I guess they were shooting in a hotel. And she's like, ugh. It's like, Jake, I've had a long day. Which is also, I'm sorry. That's mean. That's your boyfriend. He booked a hotel room. You just go up. I'm sorry. Just go up there. She goes up to the room and he is a bouquet of roses. And he apologizes to her. He's like, Shelly means nothing to me. I was just feeling guilty about Jess. And they say, I love you to each other and everything's great. Jake is such a nincompoop. He's totally at the time a guy who's like, women love flowers. Look, I did something wrong. Here's a dozen roses. He should have, what he should have done is say, Shelly's ass is on the street right now. Yeah. I would have been like, don't talk to me until she's not in the house anymore. Right. And then he's like, Shelly's gone and I have food. Let's take you back to my place. Yeah. I don't want to be in a hotel. I don't want to be in a hotel. I don't want to be in a hotel. I just worked all day. Take me home and take care of me. That's what I want. Yeah. And I want Shelly gone. So later on the yacht, Alison is bone dry, but wearing the same outfit as she was wearing before, which is also bone dry. Do they have a dryer? Washer dryer on board? What is she wearing while that's drying? Like why wasn't she just in a robe? And why didn't they just say my clothes are in the dryer on the yacht? Yeah. Assuming they have a washer dryer, or she's wearing like his men's shirt or whatever, something like that. Or her clothes are just still wet. I get her changing out of the clothes, but how did they get dry? They were bone dry. They were even like damp. No. I don't believe she would have stayed in wet clothes. No, he wouldn't have allowed it. Well, it would be insane to have dinner in wet clothes. Like that would not happen. Yeah. So they had dinner. And they're having a little moment after dinner. And she's like, thank you for everything. And she's lingering. She's lingering. They're both looking at each other hornily. And then they go in for the kiss. And right as they're about to kiss, she pulls away and she's like, I can't do this. And that's the black and white. Yeah. And then she turns and leaves. And then we see right before it cuts to commercial, an instant replay of that. But in black and white, slow motion. Yeah, the pull away. Yeah. I was like, just do it. Who gives a shit at this point? Yeah, do it just a spite brook. Because that's funny. That's really funny. Like that's funnier than going back after belly. It's way funny. Yeah. I had sex with your dad. I'm your stepmom now. Yeah. That's the ultimate win. If you, if you want to get back at someone, become the stepmom of someone a year younger than you. Yes. Or the same age as you. The same age. You got to be around the same age. Right. Or or something where they can be like, she's only five years older than me. Or even that is fine. It has to be within a five year. Yeah. That's how you get back at someone. That is how you ruin someone's life. Because that's like the worst thing you can do. Then you take their inheritance. Like there's so much. Right. So much. Yeah. Especially in this situation. Where she's such a daddy's girl. Oh, yeah. And yeah, she gets the inheritance. Yeah. And you get the $10,000 from your mom. I get the Pasadena estate. And Billie is to watch. Oh my. I mean, you get both of them with this one. Yeah. You really get. God. She really ate with this. Yeah. Yeah. She didn't even know it. She didn't even know what she was doing. No, that's what's sick. The next day at Mancini Heart. Joe is wearing a not very Joe dress. This is a cream colored satin wrap dress. The big old 70s kind of collar. It looks cute. And she notices Jane's engagement ring. And she goes, "Are you full of surprises?" And then Jane says, "I finally realized how much Richard cares about me." But the truth is, I don't even like him, Joe. What's love got to do with it? She. She. What are you thinking, Joe? He wants to Joe. I said, "Yes, I'm going to wear this engagement ring, but I don't even really like the guy." She's basically like, "Where did love get me before?" Right. I married Michael. I loved Michael. And I love that other guy, Chris. Yeah. So maybe I'll try going with someone I don't love. Maybe that'll work, dude. That night at Shooters, Shelley is in the office while Jake is working. And she just goes over to him and starts giving him a shoulder massage. And he stops her and he's like, "You're beautiful and you're sexy." If I found out my boyfriend fucking, if I found out my boyfriend said, "You're beautiful and you're sexy," while he was trying to say, "Hey, back off with me." I was like, "You don't need to clarify that. You don't need to put her feelings into the equation." Right. No, he's basically like, "I'm too horny for you to be around me." He's so bad. He's like, "You're beautiful and sexy, but I've been here before." And wait, not to Joe, not to myself. He can't do this to Joe. Yeah. She's like, "I was just massaging your shoulders." You don't massage someone like that. No, come on. What a... You're alone in an office with a hot guy. Come on. I don't think so. No, I honestly was mad when he's like, "You're beautiful." And then when he added, "And you're sexy," I was like, "You have gone too far, sir." That was like, made it 10 times worse. It was so uncalled for and Joe would be furious. Yeah. I was like, "She's gonna be furious when she sees this episode. Like it's a reality TV." I know. He's like, "Joe and I got back together and it's not okay for you to be living in my apartment." And then she takes, she's like, "Okay, I'll go look for a place tonight." I lost her voice. I'll get it back next week. And she kisses him. And then she kisses him on the mouth, which is like a pack. But that's something people only do in movies and TV shows, where they kiss people directly on the mouth. Yeah. No, it's creepy. Like that they're not dating. They'll be like, "Bye, Billy." And they kiss them directly on the mouth. No, it's un... No. Especially after this conversation done that. I have never kissed someone directly on the mouth. That's like a... That's like an acquaintance? No. It's so weird. Why do they always do that? It's weird. We need to all admit this. It's always a girl saying goodbye to a guy. And it's like varying degrees of like she wants to fuck him. She wants to fuck him or not. Yeah. No, it's definitely a pointed kiss. Yeah. She's like, "Goodbye, Jake. Just take my teeth here and let me let go." My teeth are sticking to my gums again. She goes, "Thanks. I appreciate it." And she like pauses because she wants him to be like, "Oh, you can stay another night." No, she's such a manipulator. But he doesn't say that. She just says, "Any affection I have for you is strictly friendship." Yeah. The next day at D&D, Brooke tells Amanda that Jack is here in LA. And she's like, "Don't you understand? He'll kill me?" Then Billy over here says he goes, "Wait a minute." And then Brooke is like, "Don't worry. He said he's only going to be here three days." But then Jack shows up at D&D. And Amanda hides and Brooke intercepts him. And he's like, "You know, I found out all kinds of things from detectives about Amanda." He's like, "I found out that Amanda works here and that she changed her name, which is fucking stupid because all she did was change it back to her given name." Okay. That was my question because I was like, "That's her last name." Palmer Woodward. Palmer, I thought the same thing. I was like, "Isn't that her name she was born with? Why was it so hard for him to find her?" There is some seriously wonky writing in this episode. They just don't give a shit, I think. And I kind of respect that. I do too. Brooke tells him she's on vacation and he's like, "Yeah, right. I bet she saw me come in right now and took off." And then he says, "Oh, and by the way, I lied about talking to detectives. I didn't even know she was here until you just told me." I feel like they could have nailed that a little harder. He's so bad. Yeah. At the psych ward, Kimberly's moping around and Peter's like, "Come on, we just had a breakthrough." And she's like, "I don't want to be like all these other patients because someone like threw a scrabble board in the back. I don't hear something." She's like, "Maybe this isn't what it's all cracked up to be." Yeah, maybe I shouldn't have bombed Melrose's place. Peter's like, "We're going to declare you sane and get you out of here." It's easy peasy. Cut to the airport. Amanda is at the airport and she sees Jack. And she's like, "Oh, shit." And she runs away. We don't even know where she's going. She's got a little bag. Yeah, what's her plan? Did you have a job? You're the president of D&D. Why not just go hide somewhere in LA? Yeah, I know. Go to the beach house. Yes. I don't know what term she's on with Michael at this point. She could probably get away with it. She could get away with it. He catches up to her and grabs her and he's like, "I've changed." And he's like, "I have a fiance now. I'm just here because I need a divorce so that we can get on with our lives." He's like, "Don't get on that plane, Amanda." And she kind of buys it. Yeah, that's where the episode ends. So, yeah. Look, I have to say, I looked ahead. I read the season recap. Don't tell me. I'm not telling you, but it's insane. There are things I remember like stuff with Brooke that I'm excited about. No, it's so much stuff. It is so much. I was like, "Well, there's still eight more paragraphs." Ugh, I couldn't believe it. I love it. It was crazy. I'm excited to talk about it. I just was surprised how jam-packed this season is. Like, there's so much stuff that happens. So, yeah, I'm looking forward to it. Cool. We'll see you next week for episode six. Bye. Bye. [Music] [BLANK_AUDIO]

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.