The Things We Don't Say
From childhood, we're taught that honesty is the best policy. Yet in everyday life, we hedge, soften our words, and leave things unsaid. This week, we talk with psychologist Steven Pinker about why indirect speech is such a fundamental part of human relationships.
- Duration
- 54m
- Broadcast on
- 31 Aug 2026
- Audio Format
- other
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From childhood, we're taught that honesty is the best policy. Yet in everyday life, we hedge, soften our words, and leave things unsaid. This week, we talk with psychologist Steven Pinker about why indirect speech is such a fundamental part of human relationships.
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Hey there, Shankar here. Do you feel like you lost your ability to focus? Do you start a task and then quickly find yourself distracted by something else? We explore the research on attention and how you can begin to reclaim your ability to focus in the latest episode on our new YouTube channel. Go to youtube.com/athiddenbrain or click the link in the show notes for today's episode. Okay, here's today's show. This is Hidden Brain. I'm Shankar Vedanta. When children are very small, their minds are often an open book. They say what they mean. They blurt our things. This can come across as both cruel and charming. The little boy laughs aloud when someone slips on a banana peel and gets hurt. The little girl tells her uncle that his face is ugly. Enhanced Christian Anderson's famous folk tale, The Emperor's New Clothes, a child is the only one who speaks truth to power. The king has been taken in by con men who pretend to clothe him in marvelous robes that are actually nonexistent. The king's courtiers marvel at their majesty's fine garments even though he is walking around naked. Finally, a small child blurts out what everyone can see but no one wants to say aloud. The king is a fool. The folk tale has many parallels in real life. Authoritarian leaders throughout history have surrounded themselves with yes men who tell them their every action is wise and brave. When we listen to stories like The Emperor's New Clothes, most of us identify with the child. We think that if we were in that situation, we too would be honest. We too would speak truth to power. Today on the show, we explore the many ways in which we fail to say what we mean and mean what we say. It turns out most of us are not the kid in the story. We are the courtiers. The power and the peril of coming clean. When it comes to my policy, farmers gives it to me straight so there's no surprises. You hear that? An insurance provider with a conscience. Straight forward coverage you can literally understand. That's what you get when. Learn more at Farmers.com, underwritten by Farmers Truck or Fire Insurance Exchanges or Affiliate, products not available in every state. Support for Head and Brain comes from principle. The perpetual pen tapper, the arbitrary fridgery organizer, the holiday party planner that starts in May. Principle knows your star employees have their work quirks. Principle also knows how much those employees mean to your business. You need them. They need benefits. Work with principle so they can help you help your team with a retirement and benefits plan that's right for them. Principle Life Insurance Company, Des Moines, GA. Support for Head and Brain comes from Defender. Even the boldest journey starts small with a single decision to go somewhere new. The Defender 110 is a vehicle built for those moments for drivers capable of great things whether they're headed toward uncharted territory or just a weekend away. The Defender 110 combines on-road presence with off-road capability. It looks tough because it is with an exterior engineered for durability. Inside, durability meets comfort with seating for 5 and the option for 7 plus refined finishes and thoughtful design. It's also packed with intuitive tech like 3D surround cameras with clear side ground view to help you navigate rough terrain and the next generation PIVI Pro infotainment system designed to keep you informed, connected and in control no matter the path. The Defender 110 is naturally capable, expedition ready and built for those ready to move forward. Explore the Defender 110 at Land Rover USA dot com. Get to the point. Don't mince your words. Lay it all on me. We have countless expressions about the value of being direct with others. And yet, as we go through life, we often don't just say what we mean. We hedge. We weave. We dodge. At Harvard University, psychologist Stephen Pinker studies language, social relations and the mind. He has thought deeply about what our evasions and euphemisms might reveal about us. Steve Pinker, welcome to Hidden Bray. Thank you. Steve, as an eminent member of the Harvard faculty, you are sometimes called upon to help the university president raise money. Tell me what this is like. Do you have to whine and dine potential donors?
Transcription truncated.
From childhood, we're taught that honesty is the best policy. Yet in everyday life, we hedge, soften our words, and leave things unsaid. This week, we talk with psychologist Steven Pinker about why indirect speech is such a fundamental part of human relationships.