Reframing the Battle of Wills
It can be frustrating when people do things we don't want them to do. A friend cancels plans at the last minute. A child refuses to get dressed for school. Before long, our resentment builds, and we're tempted to issue more rules, reminders, and consequences. But the techniques we use to get people to alter their behavior are often strikingly ineffective. This week, psychologist Stuart Ablon explains why these methods fail, and offers better ways to help the people we care about make lasting change.
- Duration
- 1h 15m
- Broadcast on
- 27 Oct 2025
- Audio Format
- other
This episode appears to contain dynamically inserted ads. Transcript timestamps may be approximate.
It can be frustrating when people do things we don't want them to do. A friend cancels plans at the last minute. A child refuses to get dressed for school. Before long, our resentment builds, and we're tempted to issue more rules, reminders, and consequences. But the techniques we use to get people to alter their behavior are often strikingly ineffective. This week, psychologist Stuart Ablon explains why these methods fail, and offers better ways to help the people we care about make lasting change..
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This is Hidden Brain, I'm Shankar Vedanta. Have you ever been frustrated with someone who never seems to change their behavior? You remind your partner, again, not to leave dirty dishes in the sink. You've had this conversation before. Maybe you snap at that. Maybe you roll your eyes and do it yourself. Or maybe you get frustrated and throw up your hands. Or maybe it's your child who melts down in the middle of the grocery store or a co-worker who fails to meet deadlines in spite of endless reminders. No matter how many times we bring it up or how many strategies we try, nothing gets them to change, before long resentment sets in. The temptation is to push harder, more reminders, more rules, more consequences. We tell ourselves they must be stubborn, defiant, oppositional. This week on Hidden Brain, research that explains why the techniques we use to get people to change their behavior are often strikingly ineffective. And we look at better ways to help the people we care about make lasting change. Working as a dedicated Fidelity Advisor, I always ask, "What's important to you?" I'll look at those priorities and goals alongside your full financial picture to build a comprehensive plan designed to help grow and protect your wealth. With proactive portfolio insights and an eye on taxes, I'm here to help you make the most of your money. I'm Laura Maxwell, and I'm a dedicated Fidelity Advisor. Learn more at fidelity.com/wealth. Investment minimum supply, Fidelity brokerage services, LLC, member, NYSE, SIPC. Support for Hidden Brain comes from Defender. Even the boldest journey starts small, with a single decision to go somewhere new. The Defender 110 is a vehicle built for those moments, for drivers capable of great things, whether they're headed toward uncharted territory or just a weekend away. The Defender 110 combines on-road presence with off-road capability. It looks tough because it is, with an exterior engineered for durability. Inside, capability meets comfort, with seating for 5 and the option for 7, plus refined finishes and thoughtful design. It's also packed with intuitive tech, like 3D surround cameras with clear-side ground view to help you navigate rough terrain, and the next-generation PIVI Pro infotainment system designed to keep you informed, connected, and in control, no matter the path. The Defender 110 is naturally capable, expedition ready, and built for those ready to move forward. Explore the Defender 110 at LandRoverUSA.com. Support for Hidden Brain comes from Progressive. Whoever says saving money is hard, doesn't know that new customers who bundle and save with Progressive save hundreds. Because switching your home and auto insurance is better than cutting down on those iced lattes you love. Switch to Progressive and see if you could save. Get your quote today at Progressive.com, Progressive Casualty Insurance Company, affiliates, and other insurers, not available in all states. It can be frustrating when people do things we don't want them to. A friend cancels plans at the last minute. A loud co-worker dominates every meeting. A child refuses to get dressed for school. What goes through our minds in those moments? And how do our mindsets affect our ability to influence others to change? At Harvard Medical School, psychologist Stuart Ablon studies the science of helping people change. Stuart Ablon, welcome to Hidden Brain.
Transcription truncated.
It can be frustrating when people do things we don't want them to do. A friend cancels plans at the last minute. A child refuses to get dressed for school. Before long, our resentment builds, and we're tempted to issue more rules, reminders, and consequences. But the techniques we use to get people to alter their behavior are often strikingly ineffective. This week, psychologist Stuart Ablon explains why these methods fail, and offers better ways to help the people we care about make lasting change.