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Hidden Brain

Love 2.0: How to Fix Your Marriage, Part 2

When things go wrong in our relationships, we often try to change the way our partners behave. But usually, trying to fix a person only makes things worse. Last week, we talked to psychologist James Cordova about why this tendency can be so damaging, and what to do instead. This week, we explore another difficult but effective way to strengthen our relationships. Then, on Your Questions Answered, we bring back researcher Victor Strecher, who studies purpose. Vic spoke with us in June about the death of his daughter, and how it changed his own outlook on purpose. That conversation, which was called "You 2.0: What Is Your Life For?" had a powerful impact on many listeners. We'll hear Vic's responses to their thoughts and questions.
Duration
1h 48m
Broadcast on
06 Oct 2025
Audio Format
other

When things go wrong in our relationships, we often try to change the way our partners behave. But usually, trying to fix a person only makes things worse. Last week, we talked to psychologist James Cordova about why this tendency can be so damaging, and what to do instead. This week, we explore another difficult but effective way to strengthen our relationships. Then, on Your Questions Answered, we bring back researcher Victor Strecher, who studies purpose. Vic spoke with us in June about the death of his daughter, and how it changed his own outlook on purpose. That conversation, which was called "You 2.0: What Is Your Life For?" had a powerful impact on many listeners. We'll hear Vic's responses to their thoughts and questions. 

What have you learned about changing your partner in the course of your relationship? Have you come up with ways to accept your partner's flaws? If you have questions or comments for James Cordova, and you'd be willing to share with the Hidden Brain audience, please record a short voice memo on your phone and email it to us at [email protected]. Use the subject line "acceptance." Thanks! 

The Hidden Brain tour is continuing, with our next stops just a few days away! Join us in Baltimore on October 11 or Washington, D.C. on October 12 to see Shankar live on stage. We'll also be in Los Angeles on November 22, and more dates in 2026 are coming soon. For more info and tickets, head to hiddenbrain.org/tour. 

 


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This is Hidden Brain, I'm Shankar Vedanta. When things go wrong in our relationships, we often try to change the way our partners behave. We tell ourselves that if only they would change their ways, we could be happy. Of course, the problem is, our partners are saying the same thing about us.
Last week, we explored the power of a radically different approach, acceptance. Instead of trying to change our partners, Clark University psychologist James Cordova says there's growing evidence that we will end up in much happier relationships if we can accept our partners for who they are. If you missed that story, you can find it in this podcast feed. It's titled "How to Fix Your Marriage Part 1". Today, we look at one of the most toxic things we do in intimate relationships. Changing this behavior is not easy, and the ideas we explore today can be a tough pill to swallow. If the thing that we most want in our relationship is to feel that sense of love and connection and acceptance for each other, this is my relationship. I have to take responsibility for what happens in every moment and everything that I do and say matters. How to become wiser in our relationships? It's the latest in our Love 2.0 series this week on Hidden Brain. Working as a dedicated fidelity advisor, I always ask, what's important to you? I'll look at those priorities and goals alongside your full financial picture to build a comprehensive plan designed to help grow and protect your wealth. With proactive portfolio insights and an eye on taxes, I'm here to help you make the most of your money. I'm Laura Maxwell, and I'm a dedicated fidelity advisor. Learn more at fidelity.com/wealth. Investment minimum supply, Fidelity Brokerage Services, LLC, Member NYSE, SIPC. Support for Hidden Brain comes from Pacific Life Insurance. You make promises throughout your life. For nearly 160 years, Pacific Life has been helping you keep them by protecting those who matter most. Pacific Life, the power of a promise. Ask a financial professional how Pacific Life can help you create a more confident financial future. Pacific Life Insurance Company, Omaha, Nebraska, and in New York, Pacific Life and Inuity, Phoenix, Arizona. Support for Hidden Brain comes from Land Rover. Even the boldest journey starts small with a single decision to go somewhere new. Purpose-built and courage-driven, the Defender 110 combines on-road presence with off-road capability. It looks tough because it is with a raised hood and an exterior engineered for durability. Inside, capability meets comfort with seating for five and the option for seven plus refined finishes and thoughtful design. The Defender event is on now. Explore Enhanced Offers at LandroverUSA.com. So much of our distress and relationships comes about not only because we want to change another person but find ourselves unable to do so, but because we sense that the other person could change if they wanted to and just isn't trying hard enough. If I feel you can fix a problem but can be bothered to do it, surely I'm justified in blaming you.

Transcription truncated.

When things go wrong in our relationships, we often try to change the way our partners behave. But usually, trying to fix a person only makes things worse. Last week, we talked to psychologist James Cordova about why this tendency can be so damaging, and what to do instead. This week, we explore another difficult but effective way to strengthen our relationships. Then, on Your Questions Answered, we bring back researcher Victor Strecher, who studies purpose. Vic spoke with us in June about the death of his daughter, and how it changed his own outlook on purpose. That conversation, which was called "You 2.0: What Is Your Life For?" had a powerful impact on many listeners. We'll hear Vic's responses to their thoughts and questions.