The Learning Leader Show With Ryan Hawk
555: Shane Parrish - Raising Your Standards, The Difference Between Nice & Kind Feedback, The Inner vs. Outer Scoreboard, & Turning Ordinary Moments Into Extraordinary Results (Clear Thinking)
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Full show notes at www.LearningLeader.com
Twitter/IG: @RyanHawk12 https://twitter.com/RyanHawk12
- The power of believing in someone. Mr. Duncan, Shane's high school English teacher was the first person to tell him that he believed in him. He changed the trajectory of Shane's life. We, as leaders, can do that for others. Let's proactively look for opportunities to tell the people we're leading that we believe in them.
- The difference between Nice and Kind feedback. Too often, the people we ask for feedback are nice but not kind. Kind people will tell you things a nice person will not. A kind person will tell you that you have spinach on your teeth. A nice person won't because it's uncomfortable. A kind person will tell us what holds us back, even when it's uncomfortable. A nice person avoids giving us critical feedback because they're worried about hurting our feelings.
- Champions: "Champions don't create the standards of excellence. The standards of excellence create champions." "Expecting high performance is a prerequisite to its achievement among those who work with you. Your high standards and optimistic anticipations will not guarantee a favorable outcome, but their absence will assuredly create the opposite."
- The USS Benfold — was one of the worst-performing warships in the US Navy in 1996. The destiny of the USS Benfold changed the day Michael Abrashoff was named commander.
- Shane was 13 years old. Shane was standing with a group of his friends after school and they were teasing one of his classmates and he was watching. Teachers intervened and it ended quickly. He didn't realize that your dad was parked nearby and was watching. You have to stand up for people who don't have a voice.
- Warren Buffett: "The big question about how people behave is whether they've got an Inner Scorecard or an Outer Scorecard. It helps if you can be satisfied with an Inner Scorecard."
- Brent Beshore: "My favorite part of the book was the section on habits, rules, and safeguards (page 101). A principle that Shane and I discussed in January changed my life and was expounded on in the book. Shane said, "It's impossible to work out very often if you have to decide every day whether or not you'll do it. That's why I just do something active every day, no matter what."
- Solutions/Ego: "Solutions appear when you stop bargaining and start accepting the reality of the situation. That's because focusing on the next move, rather than how you got here in the first place, opens you up to a lot of possibilities. When you put outcome over ego, you get better results."
- "Small plans don't inspire, but consistently small actions create incredible results."
- Knowing Your Defaults:
- The emotion default - We tend to respond to feelings rather than reasons and facts
- The ego default - We tend to react to anything that threatens our sense of self-worth or our position in a group hierarchy
- The social default - We tend to conform to the norms of our larger social group.
- The Inertia default - We're habit-forming and comfort-seeking. We tend to resist change, and to prefer ideas, processes, and environments that are familiar.
- Ancient Greek word — Phronesis— the wisdom of knowing how to order your life to achieve the best results.
- Life/Career advice: "I'd give the same advice to someone who's trying to find someone to marry. Go on lots of dates. Experiment. Do stuff. Get out in the world. You can only connect the dots looking backward."
- If you want to develop good judgment, start by asking two questions:
- What do I want in life?
- And is what I want actually worth wanting?
This episode is brought to you by one of my favorites. Storyworth Storyworth is an online service that helps you and your loved ones preserve precious memories and stories for years to come. It is a thoughtful and meaningful gift that connects you to those who matter most. Every week Storyworth emails your relative or friend a thought-provoking question of your choice from their vast pool of possible options. Each unique prompt asks questions you've never thought to ask, like, what's the bravest thing you've ever done in your life? Or, if you could see into the future, what would you want to find out? And after one year, Storyworth will compile all your loved one's stories, including photos into a beautiful Keepsake book that you'll be able to share and revisit for generations to come. I did this with my dad, I have the book on my shelf, and I love revisiting it often. Reading the Weekly Stories helps connect you with loved ones, no matter how near or far apart you are. To take advantage of this, go to storyworth.com/leader and save $10 on your first purchase. That's storyworth.com/leader. Welcome to The Learning Leaders Show, presented by Insight Global. I am your host, Ryan Hawk. Thank you so much for being here. Text Hawk to 66866 to become part of Mindful Monday. You, along with tens of thousands of other learning leaders from all over the world, will receive a carefully curated email from me each Monday morning to help you start your week off right. You'll also receive details about how my book, The Pursuit of Excellence, will help you become a more effective leader, Text Hawk to 66866. Now, on to tonight's featured leader, Shane Parrish is the entrepreneur and wisdom seeker behind Farnham Street, F-S dot blog. That's where he focuses on turning timeless insights into action. Change work has been featured in nearly every major publication, including The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal and Forbes. He is the New York Times bestselling author of Clear Thinking, turning ordinary moments into extraordinary results. During this conversation we discuss the power of a leader believing in you and how we can use our power for good to raise expectations for ourselves and others. Then Shane shares the number one trait CEOs look for when hiring leaders. He talks about the difference between nice and kind feedback. Then Shane shares an emotional story from his childhood about standing up for people and doing the right thing. I really appreciate how vulnerable Shane was right away during this conversation. Ladies and gentlemen, please enjoy Shane Parrish. Shane, longtime reader Farnham Street, it is awesome to have you here on the Learning Leaders Show. Welcome, man. Thanks, Farnham. I'm excited to be here. Let's flip to the back of your latest book, which is called Clear Thinking. I enjoy reading the acknowledgments. One of the people that you named in that book that changed the trajectory of your life is a high school English teacher named Mr. Duncan. What did you learn from Mr. Duncan? To put things in context, I was a straight D student up until grade 10. Literally, I think my highest grade was a D. To further reinforce this, my grade 9 teacher wrote in my report card that I would be lucky to graduate from high school. They actually wrote that? Yeah, this is back when they wrote what they actually thought. They don't do that anymore. I picked from these prescribed comments now, and I was almost expelled multiple times. I was hanging out with the wrong kids, the wrong crowd, doing the wrong things, making bad choices, getting bad consequences. I found computers in grade 9, and that's when the schooling started to stop getting in trouble. I didn't get good grades, but I was going to school. I was staying up all night playing on my computer, and I would go to school the next morning, and I would fall asleep in class. I was the only kid in my class that did that until another kid came over, and we started talking about programming. I was like, "Oh, I'm not alone. This is cool." So we'd both stay up all night programming, and then we'd fall asleep in class. So school wasn't a priority for me. And then no teacher had ever paid attention to me. No teacher cared about me. Everybody just wanted me out of their class. Totally understandable why in the context of this, right? I'm not putting in much effort. I'm falling asleep in class. I don't tend to respect you just because you're a teacher.
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