Who Knew It with Matt Stewart

108 - Jess Perkins and Dave Warneke

Who Knew It with Matt Stewart is a comedy game show podcast hosted by Australian comedian Matt Stewart. This episode features JJess Perkins (Do Go On) and Dave Warneke (Do Go On, Book Cheat)!

Check out Matt's stand up special: https://youtu.be/cWStRpI-BhE

Support the show via http://patreon.com/dogoonpod and you can submit questions for the show!

See the podcast/Matt live: https://www.mattstewartcomedy.com/

Check out Matt's podcast network: https://dogoonpod.com/

Theme song by Evan Munro-Smith, Logo by @muzdoodles and edited by Connor Schmidt!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Broadcast on:: 07 Oct 2024
Audio Format:: other

Hello, Matt here, letting you know that I've got some shows coming up in Brisbane. We're doing a live, who knew it, and I'm also doing a stand-up show in my show, Ding, at the Caxton Street Festival in the 19th of October. And then I'm going to be in Geelong, working on an hour of new material on the 31st of October at the brewery there. Geez, I'm looking forward to that. Then, of course, I'm flying over with my friends, Jess and Dave, to do a tour of Europe, for Dewgo On, but at the end of that tour, I'm doing three, who knew it shows with stand-up as well. In London on the 17th of November, Leicester on the 21st of November, and Edinburgh on the 23rd of November. Cannot wait to do all of these shows, hopefully we'll see you there. You can find tickets at mattstew@comedy.com. Mattstew@comedy.com. Hey there, looking to level up your shopping experience, let me introduce you to Amazon Live. If you haven't heard, it's a shoppable video experience where influencers and creators showcase the latest must-haves all while you shop in real time. And for those who love some celeb gossip, reality stars like Kyle Richards, Lala Kent, and Friend of the Pod, Paige Disorbo. On her new show, In Bed with Paige Disorbo, Paige invites top-tier guests to cozy up in her fluffy bed where they spill secrets, share nighttime routines, and even whip up midnight snacks. Stream and Shop new episodes of her series In Bed with Paige Disorbo every Tuesday at 7 p.m. ET by going to amazon.com/live/page_disorbo. Or you can watch Amazon Live's new live TV channel on freebie or prime video under the DIY section and shop along on your phone. (upbeat music) Welcome to Who Knew with Matt Short, the show where the guests write the wrong answers. I'm the titular Matt Short and our first guest is host of the Do Come On podcast and also an OG guest of this show. It's Jess Perkins. (clapping) It's been a while. People have been begging for you to come back and you've refused until now. Why? - Contractual obligations. - Okay. - Yeah, yeah, Matt and I were feuding. Where, where, is the bridge completely mended? No. - 'Cause there's a little leap at the end. - But we're getting there. - Yeah, if you've seen the movie Speed. - Yeah. - The bridge isn't quite completed, but it's a very makeable jump. - Yes, that's right. - Our second guest this week is also host of the Do Go On podcast as well as booktube and is the bass player of weed hornet and long legs. It's Dave Warnocky. Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. That's bass. - Touch me, babe. But they didn't even have a bass player. - They didn't have a bass player. - Bad example. - I was just trying to riff, but I'm so creative. I just threw the doors on. (laughing) - All right, the way the show works is asked a relatively obscure trivia question. Our contestants have to write a convincing fake answer. I then read their answers as well as a real one. And I have to guess which one is correct. And hey, while I've got you, why not follow us on Instagram, Facebook, et cetera, at @shoo_nuitpod. - @shoo_nuitpod. - @shoo_nuitpod. - @shoo_nuitpod. - Dispel, and this is the show. - You follow me @jess_perkins. I'm getting close to 17,000 followers, and I like round numbers. - And 17 is the roundest. - It's the roundest. I don't like that it currently says 16.9. You know, I don't like that. - Oh, that's pretty nice. - Can I just say, Jess, we know that your favorite number is 16. - True. - Should we get 900 people to take the pledge to unfollow Jess right now and bring in a 16,000? - And then you could all just follow who knew it pod. (laughing) 'Cause we're gonna put up a clip from this episode of being filmed in the episodes, and the clips are going up. Hey, Jess, before we get into the episode, let me tell you, and the listeners, if they're listening in, may as well, I'm gonna be doing three live, who knew it's in the UK after I do go on to, which tickets are still available for some of the shows. - Yeah, some are sold out, but you can come to some of them. - Yeah, so-- - You figure it out. - I think Belfast has a few left. Maybe Dublin has a few-- - Yep. - And Birmingham, and I think-- - Maybe London, London. - Yeah, the rest are all sold out. But, yeah, afterwards, I'm gonna be doing a show, Dave's gonna be on actually as well. - I'll be there. - The 17th of November, Sunday, doing a who knew it with some stand-up, Dave, do a little bit of stand-up. So you're gonna do a bit of stand-up, Dave, with me? - Oh my goodness, I'll be talking, and I'll be making jokes. - And the Law Man era, I'll join you as well. - Notice that he did not say yes to stand-up, but he is gonna be talking and making it. - Yeah, technically, you can't sue me if I don't fulfill a contract. (laughing) - But then, on the Thursday, 21st of November, heading to Leicester, I've never been to Leicester before. And, yeah, you're gonna be at the big difference and do another who knew it and stand-up show there. Dave will probably be home in Melbourne by then, and then finally, in Edinburgh on the 23rd at the Monkey Barrel. Do you wanna show there another who knew it was stand-up? - Oh my God. - Guests for those for the Leicester and Edinburgh shows, TBC, but they're poor, tell you this for nothing. They're gonna be some of the greats. People would be crazy not to go. Can I just say that? - You can, yeah. - Don't say that though. They'd be crazy not to go. - I don't wanna, I don't wanna get involved in this, but yeah. - Can I swear? Can I swear on this? - Ah, you can, yeah. - When the F is who knew it was next, you are gonna be back in the UK. - There's no plans for it. - There's no plans for it. - No plans for it. - So, I'm sorry if you're assuming they're like, "Ah, I'm a little bit-ish list there." And I'm really like, "Who knew it?" I'm not gonna buy tickets, I'm gonna wait for next time. - What the F, sorry to swear, is wrong with you? - I think- - No offense. - Yeah. - But I'm just saying like, God, you can put off so much for later, but later isn't guaranteed. Sorry, I'm gonna get emotional now, but like, so just buy the tickets and just go see the show. You won't regret it, or you will, and then you've learned something. - Mm. I think that is such a great point. You may regret coming. (laughing) - But no, I really appreciate those words, that means- - Sorry, I got really lucky. - You did, and it's so nice to see you vulnerable. You normally put up such a wall. - I am a wall. - You're a wall. Part woman, part wall. All right, so question number one comes from listener Alan Kerr from Glasgow in Scotland. And the question is, what is the definition of the Scottish word, hey, middle day me, hey, middle day me. Spelt if you want to know, H-A-M-E-L-D-A-E-M-E. What is the definition of the Scottish word? Hey, middle day me. And while they're writing their answers, I'll explain how the scoring works. So you get one point, if your fake answer is guessed by the other contestant, and another point, if you correctly guessed the answer. And by the way, I'm also playing as the house, and I've put in two of my own fake answers for each question, and I get a point for each one of those that the guests choose. So each of us can score up to two points per round, which seems fair on the face of it. But a mathematician once wrote in to say the probability actually favors me, the house, and the house always wins. So if you listen to a previous episode, you'll know that is often not the case, and that is in part because the contestants now get triple points in the final round, probably even shifting the balance from the house to the contestants. Anyway, most of our questions come from our great Patreon supporters, and if you want to submit a question, sign up on any level via patreon.com/dugoonpod, which is linked in the show notes. All right, the answer for question number one, what is the definition of the Scottish word, Hamil Dami, a scheduled day off, usually taken by tradespeople once a month, a mess of that's option one, option two, a messy or complicated situation, most commonly used for awkward social interactions. - Oh, that's good, okay. - It's like a social, like a faux pas type thing. - I feel those around you. - Bit Hamil Dami. - Oh my gosh. - Those two, they're a bit Hamil Dami. - That sounds like the kind of thing you'd say walking off at regretting. - Yeah. - Hamil Dami. - Yeah, come on, Hamil Dami. - That was such a Hamil Dami. - Then you've got option three, a word for when you don't plan to go anywhere on holiday, akin to the American term, staycation. - Oh, I kind of like that. - Staycation in Scotland. - What, you think nobody in Scotland wants to ever be in Scotland? - It rains a lot there. - Oh boy, yeah. What a great place to stay at home. They have roofs. - They've got fireplaces. Some of them, no, I've been there a couple of times. I've never seen evidence from that. - They've worked for a fireplace. - Very well prepared for the weather over there. Then you've got option number four, a stone that appears valuable, but is in fact common and worthless. Or finally, an attractive farmer's daughter that often gets the village boys in a trouble. - Doesn't specify. - Is this in Scotland? - They are hot there. They are hot. - Oh my God, you are just. You've got it out for Scotland today. - What is the deal? You know, I've got a Scottish heritage. - I think I've probably got to test as much as you, my friend. - Aren't we going there soon? - Yeah, I love it. It's so great. It's so great. - I had to check though. - Don't like when you're into it. - I need to be more aggressive. - Yeah, we're doing do go on Edinburgh as well. And it is honestly one of my favorite cities on Earth. - But it's also sold out. - Yeah, but who knew it's not? - Who knew it's not? - You should definitely go along to that. But it is one of the most beautiful cities. And it looks better in the rain, Edinburgh. - Oh, it's beautiful in the rain. - Beautiful. - Beautiful. - Beautiful anytime. - Yeah. - I'm walking and I'm walking everything back. - It's such a humble day, that you're doing that. It's so embarrassing. - What, you mean a day off work as a tradesperson? (laughing) - Well, yeah, that's the hot option. - Hot daughter. - Yeah. - Can you remind me of the hot daughter wording? An attractive farmer's daughter that often gets the village boys into trouble. - So she's the daughter of an attractive farmer. - Oh, okay. - And they don't have those. So that one, I think, is fun. - I've met some attractive Scottish farmers. - Here in Australia? - No, it's got one. - Oh, my, oh, my, oh, my, oh. (laughing) Got a field full of Highland Coos. - Do you want to go first, Dave? Sorry, I'm about to take over the hosting roles, but I'm just trying to get this thing moving a bit, you know? - Go first. I mean, I am trying to think of all of them now. What was number two, please, Matt, to you? - Number two. A messy or complicated situation, most commonly used for awkward social interactions. - I can see that applying, and I'd love to use the word "hame" or "dave" in that context. So I'm going to go for number two, please. What's the matter for David? What do you think, Jessica? - Can I, I remember the first two, can I hear three onwards? - A word for when you don't plan to go anywhere on holiday into the American terms of staycation. - I will, Davey. - A stone that appears valuable, but is in fact common and worthless. - No. - Or finally, an attractive farmer's daughter often gets the village boys into trouble. - Maybe I'll just go for number one. - Number one, schedule day off? - Yeah, it's an RDO, basically. - A humble baby, yeah. - No, that's not it, but I've locked it in, it's done. It's done. - It's locked in? - It's done. - And you're locked in? - Yes. - Okay, here's the right, the answers. Attractive farmer's daughter, that was Alan, okay, the house. A stone that appears valuable, but is in fact common and worthless. Just ruled that out straight away, that was Dave. - I think you see that. Look at that Hamill baby hanging around his neck. - Yeah, I think he thinks that's-- - Yeah, straight away, I said no to that. Try harder next time, Dave. - Well, let's find out which one you wrote. - Jess went for schedule day off. Unfortunately, that was written by the house. Dave went for a messy or complicated situation, that was Jess. - I told you, I identified that one straight away, and I thought she deserves the point for that one. - Meaning that the correct answer is a word for when you don't plan to go anywhere on holiday. Stication, having a Hamill day me. - I was, yeah, damn, I was 10 to 5. - You weren't thinking about it. - That's the one I like that. I'll explain, I'll read out what Alan writes in more detail in a sec, but apparently it literally means home will do me. - Oh, that's great, that's really good. - That's good. - So, a point for Jess, and a point for the house. - I'm sorry, no points for-- - No points for-- - No points for Dave. - I like you, myself, a challenger. I can probably try and get no points for the first five and then try and come home a really strong and a final question. - Great, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, okay, great, I love it, you're babaroothing it. - Pointing to the stand. - Yeah, I'm pointing it over there. - You're pointing, yeah, but only Babaroot is pointing at the keeper for the first two. - Yeah, him, he'll take that. - Yeah, I'll be struck out for a while and then up there. - I think there's time, time permitting. - Like home keeper, what do they call them? - The catcher. - Catcher. - In the rye. - That's it. - Oh, that's what that looks like. - Now I get that reference. That book's a baseball book. - All books are baseball books. If you look hard enough. That actually, that's going to hold me in good stead. - Yeah. - In love, thank you so much. - You're welcome. - I get that tattooed. Question two comes from Andrew Swibes, aka Swibesee from Chicago and Swibesee's question is, which of these are the name of a real species of bird? - Oh, great, I love coming up with a bird name. - Which of these is a real name? Is the name of a real species of bird? While you're riding your answers, here is some more info on Hamil Dami. Alan writes, the word is Scott slang that literally translates to home will do me. And is the answer to the question, where are you going for holidays? For when you aren't actually going anywhere, you answer Hamil Dami. It is often said as if Hamil Dami is in fact a holiday destination in itself. As an example, he's written out a script for a small scene here. - Where you up to on your holidays, Mary? Hamil Dami this year, Ola. - Oh, lovely weather there this time of year. It's absolutely classic powder for anyone over the age of 50. - Yeah, okay, good stuff. - All right, answering for question number two. Which of these is the name of a real species of bird? Tit cellic. - Tit, tit. - Tit. - Little yellow cheeky boy. The droopy bozo. - Oh. - Uncanny Albatross. Or Juan Fernandez Tit Tyrum. - Climb for name of Tit Tyrant. - Yeah, that's right. - What's the droopy one? - The droopy bozo. - That one. - Lock down for Bob. - Doing the droopy bozo. Okay, what's left for me? - You doing the droopy bozo? That's like, that's a dance craze that swept the nation. - Yeah, it's tiktok. Tiktok trainable moment. - Doing the droopy bozo. - Ah, Matt, don't it's so cringe when people your age try to do it. - Do the bozo. - Yeah. You don't understand, it might as well as the bozo. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. (laughing) - Remind me plays of the options that Jess hasn't picked. - Oh, you're ruling out droopy bozo. - Yeah, it doesn't make it interesting. Titxalic, little yellow cheeky boy. Uncanny Albatross or Juan Fernandez Tit Tyrum. - I'm gonna go with Titxalic. - Titxalic. - Are you sure? - Yeah. Why, you wouldn't go that one? - No. - We know you wouldn't 'cause you went for another one. - Yeah, but I just think there was a really, really good one in there. Written by somebody who was definitely not overstimulated. - I honestly can't tell you which of the other options. They're all just as crazy as each other. - All right, here's where the answer is. Uncanny Albatross, that was the house. Little yellow cheeky boy, that was Jess. (laughing) - But that was right, you ready out the other ones? That didn't stand out to me, that's definitely Jess, which sometimes it can stand out to someone who's obviously having a laugh, but the others are so ridiculous it doesn't really stand out. - Titxalic, Dave went for that. That was actually swabsy, again, the house. - Swabsy, I know what I like, and I liked it. - Titxalic. The droopy bozo, Jess went for that, that was Dave. - Oh, good stuff. You got straight away, I was like, it's that one, for sure. - No, but I didn't want you to pick mine until round six. (laughing) - I'm so sorry. - I'm so sorry, I've ruined it for you. - He was trying to throw the game. (laughing) That means the correct answer is Juan Fernandez Tittaran. - What? - It's a half anated surname. It sounds like a South American golfer or something. - It's funny that Titt was in there so much. - Yes. - And I know that's a type of bird. Was there a third one? Was there only two Titts? - Just the two Titts. (laughing) - It's a classic character. - Yeah, you were thinking it was total wrinkle in it. (laughing) - The meant to make it total wrinkle, Chuck. (laughing) - We are old. - No, we've just worked, well, yes, you are both very old, but we've also worked together too long, and now we all think the same. - That's amazing. If there was ever a bird, I wasn't gonna name Tyrant. It's this. - Oh, wow. - Oh, ugh. - It's basically like a little-- - A Tyrant. - A robony thing. - Yeah, it's kind of adorable. - I mean, most birds are pretty small. - It looks like the kind of bird that would hang around a cafe waiting for a muffin scrap. - Yeah. And I see them and go, look at that cute little bird. - Yeah, cute. - It's so little. - Juan Fernandez Tittaran. (laughing) - Why do I think there were more Titts? - Maybe the Tyrant. - No, no, what Tittin' it? - Yeah, what you want? - I want to do more Titts. - You want to hear Titts? - So you heard Titts. - I imagine you'll have an explanation as to who the namesake of this bird is, but. - Like, I love it. - I won't be able to listen to that. - I, yeah, I assume I will too. Yes, well, no, it swipes. He says it hails from the Juan Fernandez Islands off the coast of Chile. - Wow. - There you go. All right, so question number three. Comes from Katie McMahon Stevens. Oh, it's also a half-naded surname, much like the Tittaran. It's a Tittaran, Tittaran is half-nated. - Tittaran's what Dave's Nick, David, and Yiddie. - It's a great nickname. - Yo, God, I knew Nick that in the group chat coming up a little bit. - Tittaran? - No, come on, full title, please. Juan Fernandez Tittaran. (laughing) - I guess Juan Fernandez is parents, but up from the Titt family and the Tittaran family. So yes, Katie McMahon Stevens from Margaret River. It writes, "What is an interesting fact "about Tools 2001 song Mantra?" What is an interesting fact about Tools 2001 song Mantra? - Or Mantra probably as Dave pronounces it, I say Mantra. - Mantra. - I say no Mantra every day. - My personal Mantra is, uh... (laughing) - That's what, cheers. (laughing) - That probably would be your personal entry, yeah. - The panic, the panicking growl. - Can you remind us what the song is called again? - Mantra. - It's just Mantra. - Read the whole question, please. - What is an interesting fact about Tools 2001 song Mantra? - 2001. - Now I know as you're both quite young, Tool, do you know familiar with Tool? - Yeah. - Okay. - They're a band. - Growing up, Tool was always the one on Rage where they'd come on and all their video clips would be like little wormy, squirmy things. Like, stop animation of Play-Doh and they'd always be like a little bit creepy, a little bit weird. So like the kid, it would really freak me out, but all another tool ones on, on Rage. It was probably maybe one song. I just like looking back and like, "Oh, that's every tool video clip." But yeah, it freaked me out. - So, while they're still writing their answers, that's what Swabsie says about the tit tyrant. - The Juan Fernandez tit tyrant is a bird that hails from the Juan Fernandez Islands off the coast of Chile. Though they are not technically of the Paradé family or genus, that is the tit. They are a part of the Tyrannus genus of birds and have many of the same attributes and behaviors in the way they forage and have crests that are reminiscent of the true tits. Whoa, Swabsie. You've really opened my eyes there. Answer for question number three, what is an interesting fact about Tool's 2001 song, Mantra, Mantra. - Mantra. - Mantra. - The melody is the Wayne's World theme slowed down and backwards. - Ooh, like that. - A lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot. (laughing) - A lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot. - That's option one, option, option one. (laughing) Option two. While the song is an instrumental, it is a musical interpretation of the phrase, it's one o'clock somewhere. (laughing) - Very funny. - Option three, one of the sounds in the song was produced by squeezing a cat, option four. - Okay. - The cannon-like sound effects heard in the chorus are in fact seeing a main art farting with the fart pitched down four octaves. Or finally, it was released on September 11th, 2001. - What a fun fact. - I don't know, it's interesting. - Interesting fact. - Interesting, it's so fun. - Save, you'll be fine, that fun, then I don't know what to say. - Can we have that again? - Sure can. (laughing) We got wines world-themed, so down and backwards. Musical interpretation of the phrase, it's one o'clock somewhere. One of the sounds in the song was produced by squeezing a cat. - That's right. - The cannon-like sound effects, the main art farting pitched down four octaves, or it was released on September 11th, 2001. - Is it my turn to go first? - I remember that day, actually. I remember going around in my friend James's place and we did, why did we lift it first? (laughing) True story, which is weird. So I don't know why, but I remember that day specifically with that. That's what I did. - That's your best pump ever. - Oh man, I was swole afterwards, for sure. - Now, James was, he was like a beef-cake conny guy, like Jim Junkie guy, so it's funny. - I've always been this skinny. (laughing) And with me, he would have been like, yeah. - Good job. - Good job. Do you wish we put some weights on? - No, no, no, it's all right. - Have you got a lighter bar? (laughing) All right. - I think I'm tempted by the sound, one's the cat. - Yeah, the cat and the fart are the most tempting to me. - I think I'm gonna go cat. It just seems like someone would do it in a studio, and it maybe was a joke. - And then they're like, actually, this sounds all right. - Yeah, this had like a true dog person. You wouldn't find it so fun if that was a dog being squeezed. - I actually think it'd be really funny. - Because we want the dog, I mean, how hard, you know? - I know what your dog owners are like. I've been on social media. Any photo of any dog will just have like the first 50 comments will be like, uh, the body language of that dog is that it's uncomfortable. (laughing) - Well, are you sure you should be letting the dog out in today's heat? - Mm-hmm. - I mean, probably some of them are fair, but it is amazing that, and they're always on the counts that there's someone sharing someone else's. - Yes, yeah, yeah, and so it's like you're wasting your, you're texting here. Okay, you're saying cat. I was also talking to my cat. Maybe it's Canon fart. I'm also a little tempted by-- - Sorry, I'm doing the effects for you. - Could you do it for octaves down there? - Okay, that sounds like a Canon. - Yeah. (laughing) - I'm also a little tempted by Wayne's world, 'cause I think that's pretty funny. - That is awesome. - Obviously the most interesting fact is the September 11th one. That's very interesting. - That is interesting. - Yes. - Very interesting. - What's the mantra? - What's the mantra? - So I'm gonna go for, but now I don't wanna pick Dave's, and I feel like he might say farts, 'cause you're an idiot. I'm gonna say Wayne's world. (laughing) Dave is in Jess's head. Welcome home to Jess's head, Dave. (laughing) You used to live in there. - Shoes off. (laughing) - All right, these are the answers. I was released on September 11th, 2001. That was Jess Perkins. - I was trying to write more. And then I gave up, and that's why I laughed, 'cause I was like, "I'm having a breakdown." (laughing) - The chorus being Maynard farting. Pitched down for octaves, that was Dave. - Yeah, so who's in who's here? - Yeah, you were actually in David's head. - I was hoping that by remembering that the singer's name is Maynard, it's quite an interesting name that I could get that across the line a little bit more. - Yeah, I didn't even pick up on that. - Oh, okay, yeah, I thought, yeah. - So nice try. - Yeah, pretty good. Did you know the song? - No, I don't know the song, no. No, I assume in the film clip, we've got some little worm in it. - It's one o'clock somewhere. That was the whole-- - That was so funny. - Yeah, I'm like, "What's one of those corny mantras?" And I'm googling like, "Wine mum." - Yeah. - Mantra boards and stuff, it took me out. I ended up having an, I'm like, I did that one from memory. - Wow. - Was this actually the thought I was having at the time? - Yeah. - I ended up using my own personal mantra. (laughing) - I don't think I've ever seen you drink wine. - Well, you should be, you have a look at me drinking wine. You just see him quaff. - Oh, bad, I quaff. (laughing) Do that whole thing. - That was really, that was amazing. - Nice legs. I'll say stuff like that. - Yeah, beautiful body. - And then I'll say, the ones are bad either, and I'll get kicked out of the winery. - Worth it. (laughing) - By Dave, who I was there with. - Yeah. - It's time to get home. - Come on. You've said that at the last eight cell doors, and it has not worked once. (laughing) It's embarrassing. - We have not picked up a once. (laughing) - Worst wingman ever. (laughing) - All right, wines will seem so down and backwards. Just went for that. That was KDA K at the house. - You got the KDA. - I was also very tempted by that 'cause it's so like out there. Maybe. - Yeah. (laughing) I'm not knowing the song. You can't be like, "Mm, that's not quite run." - Yeah, and then like, it's the kind of thing where like, and then they'd slow it down and put it backwards, and that's the tiniest sample in the background, and then they'd build a whole song around it. - Yeah, yeah. - Just for the story. - Yeah, but for them, they're like, "It was really funny." - Yeah. - Well, that means, Dave is correct. It's a cat being squeezed. (laughing) - Maybe it's like, when you say squeeze, like you can, could just be like a hug. - Yeah, I think that's what it was. - I've squeezed my dog. - Maybe no manard. He's a real squeeze. - He's a squeezer. - All right, so Dave gets a point there. House also gets a point. So after three rounds, the scores are just on one. Dave on two, the house on three. - Fucking hell. - Yeah, we should really tame up against this. - Yeah, you're right. Let's. - We're at the halfway mark now. - Let's start cheating. - Oh no, stop cheating. - Okay, let's just start telling each other which ones are else. - Oh, no! - To beat the house. - Okay. - Please, please. - No, we won't, we won't. - Respect the sanctity of the game. (laughing) This podcast, I had someone, DM me recently said, "Your podcast is my religion." - Really? And I kneeled down and listened at the altar of Paul. - And did you see if that person needed professional help? - I've got a call to make. (laughing) I'll be back to make a call. - I mean, and no religion's ever been corrupted. - No. - So, Jess, all right, we won't corrupt it. - We definitely won't. - Thank you. - Question before comes from Martin, Drabic Hampshire. Another half I know it's her name. - Oh, an incredible name. - From Sandusky, you know, Ohio, Bloody hell, God's country itself. And Martin writes, "What is the name of the head coach for VFL Wolfsburg "in the German Bundesliga? "Who was the head coach from 1998 to 2003? "Just someone with an interesting name, basically." - Well, it's not a nicknamed up thing like Dave, Cobra Warnocky. - No, it's just their name. First name, surname. - M'Kacha. - I have several and she got me Cobra. - It's pretty cool. - Could be half and eight. This could be a half and eight special, but not necessarily either, as well. Hey, Jess, I can tell you this then. - Okay. - Well, Dave's still writing his answer. This is about Mantra, the song. According to Song Facts, the sound for this unusual short instrumental was created by tool lead singer Maynard James Keenan's cat. At least according to Keenan, the sound is actually Maynard's cat being squeezed and the resulting sound slowed down to create the low pitched noise. Dave was fake while he was very close to it. - Yeah, is it just like a meow? - Yeah, did he squeeze it? Is it a cat far? You know, Dave was really close. I said it was a gentle squeeze and that no animals were harmed in the making of Mantra. - That's good to know. - Hey, while you're still writing your answer, Dave, let's go for a quick break. (upbeat music) - This Halloween, ghoul all out with Instacart. Whether you're hunting for the perfect costume, eyeing that giant bag of candy, or casting spells with eerie decor. We've got it all in one place. Download the Instacart app and get delivery in as fast as 30 minutes. Plus, enjoy $0 delivery fees on your first three orders. Offer valid for a limited time, minimum $10 per order, service fees, other fees and additional terms apply. Instacart, bringing the store to your door, this Halloween. (upbeat music) - Hey, we're back and the answer in for question number four, what was the name of the head coach for VFL Wolfsburg in the German Buddha's Leaker from 1998 to 2003? - Now, Dave laughed when he sent his answer, so I'm gonna listen out for something hilarious. - Okay. - Slapping at you. - At me? - Yeah. - Ask me, how rude. - Well, we said it during the break, so I'm not gonna repeat what you said, but it was, it was quite rude. - It was slanderous. - Oh, yeah, my goodness. I hope they don't put that at the end of the podcast. 'Cause, yes. - Borderline offensive. - No borderline. - Nothing borderline about it, man. Oh, my God, but there's black and white and then there's very offensive. I'm trying to say it's black and white, you know what I mean? - No, exactly. Okay. - Don't know, maybe. - Either it's offensive or inoffensive, is what I'm trying to say. And yours is, it's black and white. We know what you said. - Yeah, that's offensive. - And then I think I started sounding offensive myself, so I'm taking myself out of this corner now. - Yeah, and you've done a really good job. - Never mind tension. - You're digging yourself out of a corner? - Yeah, it's all right. And I'm digging down, okay? I'm totally in my way out of this corner. - Down and around. - Yeah. - Yeah, under the wall of the corner. And I'm going to sneak back into that nightclub that just kicked me out. - All right, here are your options for question number four. What was the name of the head coach for VFL Wolfsburg in the German Bundesliga from nowhere to 2003? Wolfgang Wolf. - Love it. - Klaus von Rickenbacher. - Wolfsburg. - That's a sprung name. - Dave Cobra, Warnocky. - Okay. - Probably Warnocky, I think. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Will Helm sperm or Dickie Van Manschaft? (laughing) - Wow. - It's your crack here, Bopper. - Ooh. - Wolfgang Wolf. - Klaus von Rickenbacher. Dave Cobra, Warnocky. Will Helm sperm or Dickie Van Manschaft? - Dickie. (laughing) - It's a really good world. I'm obviously, I think the Cobra, the Cobra Warnocky or something is very interesting. But it's all, like, you know why some might, a listener would have sent that in. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - 'Cause, oh, you might not have put it together, but Dave's surname is Warnocky. - It's Warnocky. - My name's very similar to that. I'm Warnocky. - Yeah, it's. - And obviously, we can't see how it's written down, but maybe it's spelled in a similar way. - It is relatively similar, yeah. It's just got a lot of umlauts. (laughing) Every letter's got an umlaut. - That one's very tempting. I think the first two were also very tempting, but then I also kind of like sperm, because I think, (laughing) - Guys, we can stop the part we got it. (laughing) - There's 10 years of it trying to get us saying. (laughing) - Busted. Busted. She said it. She admitted it. She said it. - Oh my gosh. Our friendship's been a rush. - What are we gonna do with this? - I'll be the wall. - Dave and I have done multiple spin-off podcast. We'll try to really get a book podcast. - Oh, no, no, no. - What about primate? What are we thinking? Government, we're gonna work. - How are we gonna give you a save-a-line? (laughing) - We're not Matt, we're not Matt and David as actors. - There's a camera. - There's a camera. There's a camera. - And we got you. (laughing) - So you're locking in sperm? - I'm gonna lock in sperm, because I think, I think, who asked this question? What wonderful is this question? - This question. - Right, this question. - It's written by Martin Dravic Hampshire. - I feel like Martin has seen that name and gone. That's funny, because they'll think that's a made up name. - Me and something different over there, I'm sure. - Yeah, it's pretty like sperm. (laughing) - That's funny. (laughing) - It's got a bouncy quality. - He just lay good. - It's got a lunch point. (laughing) - I'm gonna ask the question though. What, how interesting does the name have to be for someone like Martin Dravic Hampshire to be impressed by it? - True, it's right. - He's working out with that name every day of his life. - Yeah. - That's an incredible name. It's gotta be way more than Martin Dravic Hampshire. - Yeah. - That's a very good point. - So it's gotta be sperm. - Sperm or the last one, was it Dicky? - Dicky Van Manshaft. - That's no, nobody's name is Manshaft. - And chooses to short Richard Diddicki. That's someone leaning in. - Do I go for that? - I, well you do you babe. - But you think that's crazy. - I think that's crazy. - I like the name of the soccer team. It's like, 'cause I see VFL and I think Victoria Football League, but there's a team in Germany called VFL Wolfsburg. - And then it's kinda cool that there's like Wolf Wolf. - Wolf Gang Wolf. - Wolf Gang Wolf would be kind of fun. But I also liked Klaus von Rickenschnein. - Rickenschnein. - Rickenschnein. - That's a great name. - That's really good. - Of all of them that's, if I had to choose one, that's probably the one I'd choose. - Yeah. - Not with these clues. - I think. - I'm so flaky. (all laughing) - Yeah. - I mean, are they? - I mean, are they? - I'm gonna be a Klaus von Rickenbacher. - Yeah. - Imagine how much more popular our podcast would be if it was hosted by Matt Jesset Klaus. - Oh god, that's awesome. - What about Dickie Klaus and Jess? - Yeah. - Dickie Klaus and Wolf Gang. - Yeah. - Wow. - What about Jesset? - And Wilhelmsperm. (all laughing) - I think I'm gonna go big. I'm gonna go crazy. And I'm gonna say the only name that would impress Martin after writing is Dickie von Manchaft. - Okay, look at it for Dave. - Thank you. - You're crazy. - You're crazy. - Yes, it's crazy. It can't be Dickie von Manchaft. - Dickie von Manchaft. - Dickie von Manchaft. - That's your other. - Dickie, I wish I wrote that. - I didn't write it. You didn't write it. - I didn't realize you was that fucking easy to trick. And now all of my answers are just gonna be dumb. - Why else wrote it in Matt? - Let's hear it. Let's hear it. - All right, here's who wrote the answers. Klaus von Rickenbacher, that was the house. - That's good stuff. - Dave Cobra Warnock, that was Jan. (all laughing) Dave went for, no, sorry. Jess went for Wilhelmsperm, which was Dave. (all laughing) - I was laughing as I had turned on that. I thought that was such a stupid. - Wilhelms, Wil, I kind of would say that first name, sperm. - But how do you think German say it? - Spoom. (all laughing) - It's ham-spoom. (all laughing) - Dave went for Dickie van Manchaft. - Manchaft. - Manchaft. - Manchaft. - You said what name would Martin Drabic Hamshier be impressed by? Well, Martin Drabic Handshake, Hand Hamshier, made up Dickie van Manchaft. - Well, I'd like to shake your hand about that, because that's an incredible name. - Damn it, I wanted to believe. - That would've, oh man, I would've tickled me. 'Cause it maybe feels like a bit of a letdown in the end, but it is a fantastic name. The coach of VFL, Wolfsburg, was Wolfgang Wolf. - That's very good. - That is like-- - That's very good. - Real nominative determinism, sort of. - Yeah, I've stopped listening to my instincts, 'cause I was like, I reckon it's Wolf or Klaus, and I went for fucking sperm. (laughing) - I think it's one of these suits. I'll go for a different one. - I'm gonna go for Wilhelm Spern, 'cause there's no way that can't be wrong. That could be made up by some psycho in this room. - We did choose the two stupid ones. (laughing) - That's true, yes, that is true. Dickie van Handchaft. - No, it's Manchaft. - Manchaft. - Manchaft. - But he's spelled it, Shaft is spelled S-C-H-A-F-F-T. - Okay, I'm looking at it as more believable. - Yeah. - So I didn't think it was that ridiculous until YouTube responded to it, and you responded to it beautifully over your master. - You didn't think it was that ridiculous. - Dickie van Handchaft. 'Cause everyone has the opportunity to enter two fake answers, and I normally just do because, you know, I just wanna be involved a bit. (laughing) The other one that Martin's other fake answer that I replaced with von Wreckenbacher, he went with Joseph Gobel's the second. (laughing) It was like an evil Nazi. - Ah. - But this is like as if his son went on to coach a big ball team. - And didn't change his leg. - Didn't change that. In fact, he kept the second just to make sure everyone knew, "Yes, I am the son of." But it didn't go that way. I don't know why I brought it up. All right. Here is the score with only two rounds to go. In third place, on one point, it's Jess Perkins. Second place on three points is Dave Wernicke, but out in front of four points, it's the host. - Oh my God, I'm sorry, Jess, I should've listened to you. - I don't fucking wanna talk to you right now, Dave. - Shouldn't go for von Manchaft. - Yeah, say it again. You shouldn't have chosen Dickie Von Manchaft. (laughing) - One's for the heart, one's. (laughing) - The heart wanted Dickie Von Manchaft. My heart wanted spurs. (laughing) - I do like spurs. (laughing) - I think we found our clip. (laughing) All right, second last question here, from Liz LaFever from McKinney in Texas. Question is, what Florida man headline graced the New York Daily News on December the 24th, 2015? What Florida man headline graced the New York Daily News on December the 24th, 2015? While you're writing your answers, here's some more info on Wolfgang Wolf. Gordon Martin, Wolfgang Wolf was a player in the German football or soccer leagues from the late 70s through to 1992, playing over 200 games for FC Kazuslalton. He moved into coaching at the end of his playing career, managing several teams in the German leagues. He also had a short stint in Greece, and while manager of Hansa Rostock, Wolfgang Wolf signed his son Patrick as a player. Patrick Wolf, Patrick Wolf, that's so good. Mr. Wolf, he would have been able to get from his players. Just beautiful stuff. - Just good stuff. - What's the time, Mr. Wolf? They would have gone down well in the change rooms. We know the Germans love a good laugh. (laughing) All right, the answer in for question of five, what Florida man headline graced the New York Daily News on December the 24th, 2015? Here are your options. Option one, Florida man steals boat, crashes into bank, option two. - Do you think it means river bank or like? - Well, it's unclear. (laughing) It just launches it. - Yeah, it's awesome. - That sounds like a Jason Statham scene. Option two, Florida man gets rabies by fighting neighborhood squirrel. Number three, Florida man who wanted to time travel crashes car through a strip mall. Option four, Florida man wakes up in international waters with mother of all hangovers. Or option five, Florida man injured in car wash. Says he just wanted a really good clean. One of these is a true headline. - Here's the thing. - Yeah. - Around this time, probably more like 2016, my friend Mitch and I were doing breakfast radio and we had a regular segment every week of Florida man. Where we would read Florida man headlines. - Great. - And they are always fucking insane and they don't make any sense. It's like how? - So a lot of those could have checked out. - Any of those could have been a legit. In fact, some of them seemed too tame. - Oh. (laughing) - So it's hard to know. Who's turn is it? Is it my turn to do it first? - They just go. - You'll go. - Okay. - One more time, quite quickly. - Stills boat, crashes in the bank, gets rabies, fighting neighborhood squirrel. Wanted to time travel, crashes car through strip mall. Wakes up in international waters with mother of all hangovers. Or injured in car wash. It says he just wanted a really good clean. - I think I'm gonna go strip mall. - Yeah, it's time for me. - Within the first three. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Squirrel crashing into a bank. Or a strip mall. - I'm not put off by your thing of saying they're too tame. I thought, the tame is one of me is crashing into a bank. - Yeah, I think. - If you're thinking river bank. - I think it would be. 'Cause I guess it's with a picture, you know? - Ah, yeah, that's what they don't need to qualify. - I'm assuming it means river bank. - Oh yeah. - But if it means crashing into. - Like a building is very funny. - That, okay, that's probably gone to the solve. - Yeah, yeah, but we can't be sure. But I think I interpreted as a building bank. - Gotcha, okay, then that is wild. - Do either of you-- - Why is the bank near a boat? Or somewhere that a boat could be? - Yeah, yeah, it's almost, crashes in a bank is almost not noteworthy, but like a river bank, but a bank is. Yeah, it's either the tamest or the wildest. - Exactly. - And what do we know about rabied squirrels? - Oh yeah. - Or as probably Florida people say squirrels. - Squirrels. - I'm being at the Grand Canyon as an eight-year-old, and the other family were there with, like one of the kids trying to pat the squirrel, and somebody was yelling at her not to, 'cause they had diseases. Could that be rabies? - Ah. - Don't know. - Rabbit is the word, I was like, what was that? - Rabbit. Rabbit, yeah. - Do you live in tropical Floridian areas? - Ah, good point. - Though it could be a Florida man in New York. - No, they don't travel. - Yeah. - Okay, have you, have you locked one in? - Yeah, I've gone for the time travel one. - Yeah, okay, I was gonna do that one too. - You can. - Nah, but okay, yeah, I will. 'Cause I was gonna say, all right, well, if not that then maybe squirrel, but you're right, but there are squirrels everywhere. I'm just gonna do a strip mall one as well. - All right, here's. You're gonna get a squirrel, but no, okay, yeah. - Here's the right, the answers. Florida man gets rabies by fighting that wood squirrel. That was Liz Lefeba. Lefeba, sorry. - Dodgeable at house. - Dodgeable at Florida man injured in car wash, says he just wanted a really good clean. That was Dave. - Yeah, didn't even consider that one, Jess. - Nah. - She knows Florida man too well. - I know the format of how the headlines go. Too much information in it. - Too much info? - Yeah. - I thought it was all right. - No. It was bad. (all laughing) - Wakes up in international waters, mother of all hangovers. That was a hole. Florida man stills boat crashes in a bank. That was Jess, so if Jess were picturing a building. - No, you weren't thinking of a building? - It was a building. - Okay. - And that's why I thought it was very funny. - Yeah, okay, 'cause it was unlucky, unlucky that-- - Yeah, I forgot about roof banks. - And that means you're both correct. Florida man who wanted a time travel crashes car through a strip mall. - I was just kidding, Dave. I just wasn't terrible. - You think it was good? No, I didn't consider it. But that doesn't mean it was bad. - You could've said that loud earlier. I think they're writing it. This one's pretty good. (all laughing) - Well, I don't think I'm gonna choose this one, but God, it's written well. - Well, yeah, I should've said that. You're right. - Whoever wrote it, well done. - Great syntax. But did you reveal that there was a comma and some quotation marks in my one? - I did not know, but-- - I think he did in the way that he performed it. So, great writing, great performance. - I wanted to sound. Florida man, injured in car wash, says he quote, just one, no, just wanted a quote, really good clean. - Why is he yelling? - If it was in all caps, that is how I might've said it. - Yeah, okay. - But it was not. - So, yeah. - Not even exclamation mark. You wanted me to exclaim it when it was all lowercase, no exclamation mark. - But I want the whole thing, when it's a headline would've been. - All capitals here, right. - That's how I assume that there's infinity. That's a good point. But that means all of them would've been. - I assume your newspaper would've had a style guard. - Did you want me to-- - Sorry for assuming. - Well Dave, does that mean you want to meet a yellum all out? - Yes. It's a bank. - 'Cause in my head, the boat wasn't on a river. It was like ocean and then hit a bank, like a Commonwealth bank. That's funny. - And it would've been with a picture. So, Dave's like asking these questions. The context would've been there. - It would've had a boat hanging out of the side of the bank. That's so funny. - I admit that that made up story would be quite funny. That picture, if it was real, would make me laugh. - And it was written well. - Yeah, well written, well read, well avoided by Dave. - Everyone did really well there. - We all played our part. - And we both got a point and the house got none. - Oh yeah. - That's right. So the score with one round ago is a just on two points, but out in front equal on four points a piece, it's Dave and the house. - Okay, so we just have to get you ahead now. - And this means no, no, not at all, 'cause the final round's worth triple points. - Yeah, no, but let's just get Dave ahead. - I'm happy for you to win too, as long as the house. Just play to win yourselves. - Oh yeah, yeah, I'm competitive. - Stop breaking this game apart. - No, I'm competitive and I really want to win. - You're tearing this game apart. There's no tearing apart going on with, we just have a common enemy. - You? - The house, right? - Uh-huh. - Yeah, that's a role I'm playing. - Yeah. - I'm not actually this dastardly in real life. - Absolutely not. - When I come into this podcast, I become an elevated villainous character. Unlike normal me. - Oh, an angel. - When I walk out that door, it's a whole different story. - You're like a human marshmallow. - I'm not conniving. - No. - You go the clip your wings back on and you go back to your car. - Better I come in here. - Why does it put the wings on before getting in the car? I've always thought that found that to be strange. - Yeah. - 'Cause then they're kind of in the way in the car and it could just fly home. - Well, it feels silly to have the winghole in the roof if I'm not gonna use it. (laughing) That's the short answer. (laughing) Fair enough. - Okay. All right, the final question. Jess, you haven't been on the show at all. But we always finished with a movie synopsis. - Oh. - That's new. Was that yes, that different from the last 58 times you've done the show? - I don't think so, actually. I did come in while we were trialling it on the Patreon feed. I don't know when exactly it came in, but it may well have been there since the very first time, I'm not sure. But anyway, yeah, the question comes from Michael Driscoll from Staten Island in New York City. Where you've just been-- - I've been there. - Staten Island, what's Staten's thing? Apart from Wu-Tang Clan? - I think Staten Island is the one that a tour guide was like, there's nothing happening over there. (laughing) - That is brutal. - Yeah. But that's a tour guide, that's not me, that's not my feelings, of course. - Yeah, and I would probably, you know, I think that the bars are all pretty competitive. - Yeah, he was like a Brooklyn guy. - He was a Brooklyn guy, yeah. Come to Brooklyn, this is where it's all happening. Not like those stinkies over at Staten Island. - Yeah. - Which I think it's childish. - I think it's very mature. - I think it's time New York grew up. - Yeah, I think it's very mature behavior and I won't stand for it. - Anyway, Michael Driscoll, what do you think you don't think you stink at all? - You're one of the good ones. - And thank you so much for this question. What is the synopsis of the 2015 film War Room? What is the synopsis of the 2015 film War Room? And you want to write a paragraph, three, four, five? Maybe even six sentences. - Jesus Christ. - That is truly up to you. - Six. - Normally if you did six, the six one will be and they met people a lot of the way. No, they didn't meet people, what do they do? They'll learn a few lessons. All right, while you're writing your answers, here's that article about the Florida man as written by a journalist Tobias Salinger. A Florida man who said he wanted to time travel drove his car through a Pensacola strip mall Sunday morning police said, "The as yet unidentified man rammed his dodge challenger into advanced tax services on North Davis Highway at 10.50 am." Jess, this was a, he crashed it. This real story was crashing his car into a tax building. - You were so-- - Tax building. - Advanced tax services. - Wow, like, yeah. - You were so close. - And Dave was like, that's ridiculous. - Yeah. - That could never be it. I'm Dave. - Yeah, he was like that. - I do say that to people know I'm talking. (laughing) - A photo from the scene published by Wear TV shows, the Watson and covered with debris in the back of the building. The driver wasn't injured and the property was fortunately empty at the time, said Pensacola police sergeant Martin, or Martez Lawrence. The apparent effort to copy Marty McFly from Back to the Future didn't work. Cop said the driver was taken to a nearby facility for evaluation. I do like that they qualified that he didn't successfully time travel. That's good journalism. All right, the answer in for the final question, triple points up for grabs now. - Whoa. - It could be anyone's game. - I believe in you, Dave. - I believe in you, Jess. - No, Dave. - If you got, I could pick your answer and you pick the right one, you get six. You're straight to the lead. - We just need you to get like one point. And then you can wait. So let's, okay, yeah, yeah, I believe in me too. - All right, the question is, what is the synopsis of the 2015 film War Room? A chilling horror film that plunges viewers into the depths of terror and supernatural dread. When a group of unsuspecting friends discover an ancient war room hidden beneath an abandoned mansion, they unwittingly unleash an unspeakable evil that threatens to consume them all. As the rooms dark secrets are unearthed, the survivors must confront their deepest fears and battle the vengeful spirits to escape with their lives. That's the first option. - Oh, okay, that's long. - Option two-- - I'm not entirely sure I know what happens in the movie either. - Yeah, fine. - But I know I don't wanna watch it. - I feel like I've seen the horror movie and also I don't know what happened in the movie. - Yeah, yeah. - There's an unspeakable evil. - Yeah, it sounds too scary for me. - Option two, Berlin, 1945. The Allies are closing in. Nine-year-old Gunther is oblivious to his city's peril and passes the time by playing inside a large oak wardrobe that his family nicknamed the War Room. After his house is shelled, he opens the wardrobe to find everyone gone. Gunther is taken in by soldiers who evacuate him to live in France with a Parisian family. That's option number two. - Wow, that's a strong cupboard. - Yeah, that's a really strong cupboard, isn't it? - Yeah, it's like metal or like concrete? - Yeah, concrete. - Yeah, concrete cupboard. You can't open the door. Kid was trapped in there. - Strong cupboard, but also strong premise for a film, I'd say. - Okay, so he wrote that one. - Yeah, he wrote just about that one. And how much money do you want for this movie, man? - If you had come up with that, if you were the writer of that, let's just say, hypothetically, and how much money would you accept for the rights? - No, I didn't write any of these. That's true. The next one, option number three. Tony and Elizabeth are a couple who seemingly have it all. - Tony and Elizabeth. - Power couple. - Great jobs, a beautiful daughter, their dream home. But appearances can be deceiving. - What? - In reality, their marriage has become a war zone. - Oh my God. - And the daughter is collateral damage with guidance from Miss Clara or Clara, and older was a woman. Elizabeth discovers she can start fighting for her family instead of against them. The power of prayer and Elizabeth's newly energized faith transform her life. Will Tony join the fight and become the man he knows he needs to be? - Together, their real enemy doesn't have a prayer. - Who's their real enemy? - Divorce? - Yeah, I think it's... - So again, I've seen that story. There's a couple, attractive young daughter. - Oh, I don't know if you said this. (laughing) - He said a beautiful daughter. - Sure, but like, yeah, that's true. - But it's the third thing you said, right? - Sure, but-- - They've got it all. - Which I thought was a weird thing to say. - Can I just say, yeah, can I say? - No, I did say beautiful daughter. - Yes, yes, yes, yes. - Beautiful and attractive are different, aren't they? - Exactly. - Okay, whatever. I was trying to make fun of it. - You know, like-- - The synopsis. - You say, like, of a toddler. Oh, it's my beautiful little girl by attractive daughter. You say the difference? - Yeah, I still think it was a weird thing to put in a movie synopsis. Do you not agree? - I think like-- - I think you made it weird. (laughing) - They're hot, baby. (laughing) Like I'm a little gone for it. - They've got it all, an attractive daughter. - Or a beautiful daughter? - Yeah. - Oh, yeah? - Yeah, it's a weird thing, it's like, not one of those ugly daughters. (laughing) - Yeah, that's not the weird thing to be said. - That was the case then, we're not, we'll be making a movie about them. - Yeah, then you don't understand why they were not. - Yeah. - I'm going to turn to-- - 'Cause their kid is-- - That can't be my kid. - They're kid's ugly. - That's mainly your genes. (laughing) So yeah, at the end-- - He's got that ugly aunt. (laughing) - So that is option number three. Option number four. In this uproarous, uproarious, uproarious? - Yeah. - In this uproarious comedy, the most unlikely of heroes are thrust into a high-stakes battle when they are accidentally assigned to manage a top secret government facility known as the War Room. Get ready for a wild ride as a group of inept bureaucrats must save the day while stumbling through a series of hilarious misadventures. Or finally, in the year 2120, Professor Alan Dixon crowded a war simulator that can accurately predict enemy behavior. But what happens when the War Room falls into the wrong hands? (laughing) - I'm looking at just like, "Did you write Dixon? "Did you write Dixon?" - Alan Dixon. (laughing) - The rest of it's very good though, Dave, I think. - I actually think that's one of the movies that I'd watch out of them. - Yeah, I think that's really, I really got into a sci-fi later in law. - Mm. - You were born against sci-fi. - Yeah, I think mainly 'cause I love those movies that say, "We can help you live forever." Even at your age. (laughing) - There's still a chance. - All right, so Jess, you get first dibs here. - I'm just-- - In reverse order. - Okay. - You've got that sci-fi one, the War Room-- - Fantastic, I got that really, really good one. - 20. - I feel like-- - Then you've got the uproarious comedy where the the unlikely heroes enter a government facility. - Yeah. - Then you've got the couple with the beautiful-- - Hot kids. - Hot kids. - Yep. - But there's trouble in paradise and they have to pray their way out of it. - Miss Clara. - And is Miss Clara? Sorry, the question I did help was, Miss Clara helping the kid? - The-- - Or is it mental to the wife? - The wife. - The wife. - Gotcha, sorry. - She's older and wiser. - Then you've got the large oak wardrobe, oak very strong timber. - Yep. - Which survives a bombing in Berlin or the chilling horror. - Oh yeah, the one that sounds scary but also I have no idea what happens in it. - Yeah. - Oh, again, the top three, I think, are standing out to me the most. Oh, is it my turn? Oh, your turn. - Yeah, it is. Yeah, it's your turn. - Okay. - So, the top three, horror, World War II, prayer. - I'm gonna go-- - Or hot daughter, I should say. - Hot daughter, I'm gonna look in hot daughter. - You're gonna look in hot daughter. - All right, Jess wants to look in hot daughter. - I think it might be the worst film possible but I think it seems like the most likely of plots. - Is the hot daughter? - Is the attractive daughter. - Your words. - That one or the bureaucrats one that felt vague enough to be like, it's the new comedy of the summer. - Yeah. - This movie never made it a cinema. - Nah. - But you can maybe stream it if you're desperate. - This is worth triple points, right? - I know, but to make it more fun. - This will, this could change everything. - I'm gonna go for that one, please, Mark. - You want one for the bureaucrats? - The bureaucrats, thanks. - All right. Dave looks in the bureaucrats. Here, he's who wrote the answers. This may shock, I'm surprised Dave. But the one about the year 2020 and Alan Dixon-- - 21, 20. - 21, 20, Alan Dixon creating a war simulator. That was jazz. - I took out the whole bit about how 20 years earlier, the 90% of the population being one time. (laughing) - Obviously. - Are you kidding me? - I'm kidding. - Too many things. - If you have loved-- - If you have loved-- - I know, the love. I know the love was-- - You're like undermined, just I was like, this could be it. There's no stupid in any-- - No, it's so tough. - Sorry, any sort. - No, I really don't, good. Yeah. - I thought that is generally the one I would watch out of them all. Maybe the horror. The horror one was written by Michael, the question writer. The one about the really strong wardrobe in Berlin. That was Dave Warnocky. - Oh, that's good. - I think I wrote the best movie there. - Well, it's got real, like, JoJo Rabbit kind of vibe. - I wouldn't want to watch it 'cause it'd be depressing as all hell, but-- - Yeah, yeah. - The one that Dave went for, the Uparorious Comedy. That was also written by Michael-- - Michael is-- - The gift, the house gets a point there. Meaning Jess is correct, it's about the power of prayer. - Okay. - That's a Christian, it was a big hit at Christian cinemas. - What year did you say it was? - 2015. - Oh, wow. That's like, that's when we started. - That's right. - That's my religion. - That's when we started our podcasting journey together. - Yeah. - We should write it into our synopsis for a film, but we'll podcasting, be enough, to save them from the enemy. - Financial ruined. - I was. - We beg on that as a-- - What was the connection to the war room there? Did they actually spell it out or were we not find out? - In reality, their marriages become a war zone. - Oh, okay. - Doesn't really make much sense. - Yeah. - Should we watch it for the do-go-on movie club? - Absolutely not. - No, absolutely not. - Please, Dave. - Sorry, no. - Don't, please, Dave, no. - If he ever chooses it for do-go-on movie club, can we just boycott it? - We can. - He can watch it and we'll watch something else. - We can give that a strong thing, too. - No, we're watching it. - No, it's going to be good fun. - All right, before I tabulate the scores, this is what Markle wrote about the movie. While the film was a financial success, a $3 million budget turning into a box office of 78 million. - Whoa! - But many critics rated it low with only a score of 34% on Rotten Tomatoes. One critic said that it was creepy to encourage women to believe the true source of their husbandly woes is Satan rather than an issue that probably needs to be discussed. - Yeah. - But CNN has said that some might call it a faith-based David versus secular Goliath in the entertainment industry 'cause it was a big hit. But yeah, it was obviously, I don't think it broke out of the Christian sort of community 'cause I mean, not many movies do break out into the mainstream, but yeah, I've never heard of it. - No. - And the name is confusing. - It's very confusing. - I don't, I think, would that have helped it? - I think anybody-- - I mean, it was a big success, maybe did. - Anybody writing a synopsis for a movie called "War Room" would probably take it more literally than that. - Yeah, I think. - Yeah. - I certainly would have if I pull it to write one of the answers myself. I really appreciate Markle picking on the slack before. - He did a great job. - Yeah, fantastic. - That horror one sounded like I was like, oh yeah, that's definitely a movie I don't want to see. And I mean, there's a compliment because I like scary movies and it sounded scary as shit. - I've been warming to those more since lockdown. - Well, I just want to feel something. - Exactly. - So like, a venture might by the spoonful now. - Yeah, it's how you, same as how your taste buds sort of die and you need more to feel something. Yeah, that's just it. - All right, the final scores are in and it ended up being so close. One of the closest games I've ever had on four points, it's day four on a key. - Thank you so much. - But out in front, Eclon, five points is just in the house. - Woo! - I really, I wanted to help you. I wanted to help you. I don't like that I... - If Dave did just pick the one he thought was right, he would have won outright. - You could have beaten the house. - But that's not winning, is it? The house would have gone a third. - You're saying it's not winning to choose the answer you think is correct and to get the most amount of points. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Just quickly Dave, in that alternate universe, the kind of, you know, the kind of sci-fi world that maybe adjusts my dream up. - In the year 21-20. - In the year 21-20, if we played that game again and you zigged instead of zag, the scores would have been the house on four, just on five and Dave on seven. - Wow, but that's not winning, is it? - It doesn't feel right. - That's not winning, is it? - It doesn't feel right. - It doesn't feel right. - It doesn't make any sense. Sorry, I'm mad at him now. - And so you should be. - The only way to win is to play the game and have fun. - Yes. - And that's what I've done to though. - Have fun. - Yeah, maybe spiritually. - Sure. - Oh, yeah. - But in the war. - But in the war, in the game style. - Yeah, yeah. - Moral victory, that's right. So there will be a little bit of an outtake section coming up after the song. But before then, just so we can be able to find it, you want people to get on your Instagram. You gotta break through the next thousand. - Yeah, get on there, but just like, leave me alone. - Yeah. - You know, like follow me, but then don't comment on the stuff that makes me feel uncomfortable. - Like, like, like, lock you. - But follow. - Which means me. - Yeah, mute, sorry. - So, what about liking or don't like, don't you? - Don't like it, don't comment. - Okay. - Yeah. - 'Cause you will interpret those words in the worst way possible. - Yeah, I'm not in a good place. - Yeah. - It's not on you, it's on me. But I'm close to 17,000 followers. So you can follow me out, Jess Perkins. - And you do great content. - I do really good content. - Man, I loved your photos from your trip in America. It was so great. - Yeah. - I felt every time I saw one, I felt happiness just welling up in me. - That's nice. - It's so good. - I think you just love me. - I do love you. - Yeah. - No doubt about it. - Yeah. - So that you just, like, I could send you a picture of me just like sitting on a couch and you'd probably be like filled with love. - Yeah. - Which is really nice. - Yeah. - Feel free to send, send some. (laughing) - Then I don't have to follow you anymore. (laughing) - And Dave, where can people find you? - The booktube podcast, I forgot what's called, booktube podcast is Back Baby. Currently doing a new season. A few episodes are already out, covered Dune with yourself, Matt. - That's right, yeah. - And also-- - Two episodes, a bumper. - That's right. And we've mastered it. - Also, maybe by the time this is out, I imagine that the next episode will be out, which is on the Adventures of Tom Sawyer, the Mark Twain, which Matt was also on. - That's all right. I loved it. Can't wait for the sequel of that. And we all do a podcast called Doo Go On, which has been going for over nine years now or about nine years. And we do a topic from History each week. And we're in the middle of, or just at the beginning of Blochtober, our biggest two month period of the year where we each week, and another huge topic from History. And we tell the story and it's real fun. - It's so fun. - It's really fun. - And we're going on tour. - Yeah, that's right. If people are in Europe, the UK, Ireland, if you're listening to this, we are coming in November before Matt does those new, who knew it days that have just been announced before that the three of us will be doing Doo On, all over the post for nearly three weeks. - Very excited. - And my goodness, we'd love to see you. - Yeah, man, I'm pumped. It's going to be so much fun. Anyway, thanks so much for joining us. It's so good to have you back. Finally, Jess. - Yeah, finally. - After-- - Hey, that's not leaving us at a likely start. - I just hardly see you anymore. Thanks so much for listening. Please give us a five star review if you want to. No pressure, but if you want to, that'd be nice. And tell your friends, if you think you know anyone who might enjoy the show. Cheers for tuning in to Who Knew with Matt Stewart. And now that you know it, I've been Matt Stewart. Goodbye. (upbeat music) (upbeat music) - All right, so we all remember how to play. - Yeah. - Yes, we lived to play. - It has not been that long. I'm on this pod fairly frequently. - Yeah, you're probably the third most regular guest. - Yes. (laughing) - It's probably a miracle. It was pretty funny. Now, guys, now it's your remember, Jess. You have to send me the answers to the questions. - Yeah, no, I've got several different devices in front of me that can do that. (upbeat music) ♪ Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ♪ How's the, the daddy long legs? - The tune's going. - Oh, pretty good. I guess we should give some people some context in high school. I played in a band called Weet Hornet with my dear friend Tom Mitchell on vocals. He recently came on a, a Patreon episode of Doo Go On, what we talked about the Weet Hornet EP and listened back to it. And since then, Tom has, he's got a solo career called Long Legs, written all these songs and recorded all the music, but to play it live, he's recruiting a live band. And I'm back on the bass guitar, baby. - Can't believe it. - And I'm doing this bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. - Oh, he's playing for jet. - Touch me, baby. (laughing) - Yeah, let's start it with bass, see how I take that. Yeah, it's gone, it's really, really fun. - Yeah, nice. - And we've been jamming every couple of weeks. - Do you think you're the best member of the band? Talent-wise? - Easily. And I haven't played in over 10 years and I'm easily three times better than everyone else. - Wow. - Do you think you're the hottest in the band? - Easily. - 10 times. - I haven't groomed in 10 years and I'm three times better than everyone else. (laughing) - He has a groomed. - No, they're all very, very talented and it's like kind of like, oh, all right, it encourages me to practice to try and keep up with these guys that are really-- - Yeah, I guess kind of nice. - Really good, yeah. - I just had to push myself or like grow as a person. So that would be a fury, man, I'd quit the band. I never would have joined the band in the first place. - Guys, I'd like to plateau. - Yeah. - My little name is Stagnade. - I'd like to just sit and rock, please. And that's why I haven't been on this podcast for a while. - You've been rotting. - I have got chronic illness and burnout. So if you're coming at me being like, go on the podcast, you're right, that's a hate crime. - Yeah. - That's a hate crime and you're being insensitive to my-- - She's talking to you, man. Bye. - And when I liked your comment, that's what I was saying. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right. - I'm like, you know, there's an undercurrent there. They're between lines, but that's what I'm basically saying. - Yeah, back off. - Back off my friend. - Yeah, well, you're soon to be friend. We're getting there. - Okay, getting back there, or first time there? - First time. (laughing) - For those who don't know, I've been doing a podcast together for-- - Nearly 10 years. - Nearly 10 years. (laughing) (upbeat music) - P.S. on the off chance of Jess is on the episode. Let her know that she actually does a very decent Glasgow accent. - What? - Let her to do it more. - When the fuck have I done a Glasgow accent before? - What are the odds of that? You're never on this show. What are the odds of your-- - I have knit. This is my, what, second time ever on this show? And I don't know when I've done a Glasgow accent, but that means a lot to me. Thank you. - Do you wanna have a crack? - Yeah, we'd love to hear it. - Well, because the only Glasgow accent I know is, is 'cause of Billy Connolly. - Right. - So I can just, yeah, maybe that's who-- - Weachobby. - Yeah, that's probably who I've copied. - Right. - Well, for all. - I mean, you gotta copy the best. - Yeah. - But I can't even think of-- - We'll just say, here's, I'll give you a couple of lines. - Oh, God. - I'm trying to think of a bird. - I'm gonna say where you're up to on holidays, Mary, and you say, "Hamel Day" in this year, I'll like it. - Hang on, no, I can't do it. I can't do it. - I choose not to speak. Let's go over. - No, I just-- - Well, I mean, he said it's great, so you don't need to do it again. - Yeah, I've proven it already. - It's on the record. - Yeah, like, there's too many bits of information in my brain at the moment. - Yeah, you're working on a bird. - That I actually can't think of a Scottish accent. - I-- - I don't know what to do. - Dave, can you step up your friends in need? (laughing) - I don't know what to do. - Do you wanna write a bird for you? - No, Dave, you don't want a bird. - It's a bird for me. - Dave, you do the Scottish accent for Jess. - I can't do it for Jess, she's too good. - Oh, okay, you know what I can do, 'cause this was actually playing in my head this morning as I was getting ready, is that I was thinking about a bit that he used to do about how useless algebra is, because he's like, you know, if you're, and it's obviously, it was a live recording from a show in Perth, and he was like, you know, you ask somebody for directions, and they say, "Let X equal Subiaco, fuck off." That's, but nothing in that was glazwajian. Oh, I can't think of a bird. (laughing) - It's a break-down, it's question two. I've been sick and my brain's not working, and I'm having a breakdown. All right, here we go. - Really, having a look at the other options, I don't know. I don't know if it's gonna be clear who is having a breakdown, and who is it? (laughing) - I think. - Including the real one, I'd say. - They're all pretty wild. (laughing) - I've done it, and I think I've done really, really well. I'll sing you a song from, (laughing) Okay, really cuddly. - Please. ♪ If it was before you, Ellie's ♪ ♪ Where would you be, do you know this one? ♪ ♪ You'd be in the hospital on infirmary ♪ ♪ 'Cause you would have a dose of the flu ♪ ♪ Or even Pluracy ♪ ♪ If it was before your boat send you, Ellie's ♪ - So good. - Thank you so much. (clapping) Sorry about that bit in the middle where I had a break there. I can't promise it'll be the last. (laughing) - All right, the answer for question number two. Hey, this is a safe space. - I don't know that it is. - Of course it is. - When? - When is this safe? - Yeah. - Always. - Has this always been a safe space? - It's always been a safe space. - Yeah, why do you keep coming back? - I thought you were a real sucker for punishment. - Yeah, I love being. - I have never given either of you a safe space. - No, that's true. - No, it's not safe space for us. It's quite a dangerous space for us. - Okay, but for me. - But for you, yeah. - Oh my God, have you a unit like you everywhere? You guys are safe space for you. - Yeah. You leg press your way out of trouble. No matter what the trouble. - You say the best defense is attack and you attack everyone. (laughing) - To every hammer, a problem looks like a nail. So every problem to jest looks like a squat machine. - That's right. - Yeah. Okay. Financial stress, squat machine. - Let's squat it. (upbeat music) - Do you spreck in the Deutsch, Dave? - Oh, yes sir. Cotton's a Deutsch broken. (laughing) 'Cause we're about to do our first ever show of any kind. Have you ever performed in Germany before? - No, not at all. - And neither. - I've been, but. - Yeah, I've been, I've met. (laughing) I'm excited for this. (laughing) (laughing) - Sorry, sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Please continue with your adult comfort zone. (laughing) - Well, try. Anyway, looking forward to Germany. - Yeah, I can't wait to get in Germany, put in a German chat there. (laughing) - I was thinking I wanna look up some basic German phrases just so I can, you know, not be at tourists who walks into shops and goes, "Hi, have you got..." You know, like I could at least say hello and... - Ah, right, right. - Guten tag. - You know, stuff like that. - Guten tag, man, you lip stain. Is that it, is that in German? - I don't know. (laughing) - In sure, de goong. I think that means, sorry. Or is that please? - Ah, actung, baby. (laughing) - Yeah. - I'm sure you're baby. - That is your mantra. (laughing) Just a lot of, boom. - It is sorry, it's sorry, okay, great. And thanks is... - Donk-a-shoo. - Oh. - Of course. - It's a great way of Newton. As he once crooned. - Please, bit it. - Donk-a-shoo. (upbeat music) (laughing) - Fuck it. (laughing) - The, uh, I love the classic, uh, Jess. (laughing) This is, I've, I've originally missed this on this show. The, uh, when the question, the answer being written, and Jess just chucked away, and I'm like, "Ooh, it's better comfort." - Yeah. - What's it gonna be? - And then you see what I've been writing, and you're like, it's not even vaguely funny. Why is she laughing? - I've never once thought that. - You have. - Never once. - You have. - Never. - Stop at you, have. - Never once in my life. (laughing) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music)