#1357 - Ari Shaffir
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Ari Shaffir is a stand-up comedian and also hosts the podcasts "Ari Shaffir’s Skeptic Tank" & "Punch Drunk Sports" both available on Spotify.
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Mmm... alright Shavir, we're here, it's over October! Yeah! We have a lot of smoke cigars. Yeah, a lot of smoke cigars. Let's smoke a cigar. Let's fucking bend the rules a little. I have three in my trunk. I have two right here. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. These are good. I was smoking cigars with Burr on the show. People are gonna be mad at us. This is tobacco you're using. Tobacco products you're totally cheating. Well, it can suck my cheese. Mmm. They can or it can. They can suck my cheese. But they're fucking stupid rules. It's already hard enough. Okay, cheese. Do you remember one time you weren't masturbating for a month? Yeah, remember that? Yeah. And all those people were like, "Yeah, but you have sex. Don't do sex." And you're like, "Dude, I'm not playing your game. I'm doing a thing for myself." "Doin' my game." "Yeah." Everybody wants rules. I start working out, "Oh, what are you doing? I'll just bench. Y'all dude, you gotta do legs. You're not doing anything." You know, like, "Can you give me two times?" "Yeah, well." "Are you gonna do an ISO?" Isn't that the problem, Joe, just with... with just interacting with people online. There's always gonna be someone that's upset at you from now. Yeah, mad at you. Yeah. For trying. For anything. You rather don't try. Anything. No matter what you're doing, there's someone pissed. Yeah. What are you gonna do? It's such a crazy place, the internet. Oh, it's so crazy. And that's where we make our home. That's what's really crazy. It really is nuts. Is this one that light phone now? No, it hasn't come yet. It's coming in the end of October. Oh. I'm trying a regular phone this month. A regular phone. Yeah. A regular phone. Yeah. So I got a new number. Sparked that. Oh, yeah. Like a cell phone? Yeah. Like a real cell phone? Like a smartphone? No, I got a new number and do the regular flip phone. Okay. But the old number, I'm keeping it on on a smartphone. I'm seeing if I can handle it for a month. You can handle it. I don't know. Signs are not great already. It's the fucking being alone and just kind of flipping through, watching, walking dead and then flipping, like, double screens. My daughter has a phone now, but she has a little thing. My young, my middle daughter, not like the older one. That would be ridiculous. But, um, where she has a screen limitation, which you can only use the screen. Could you turn it off? Can she? Yeah. It's not just on an alarm? No. She doesn't get to. We do it. So she got an hour. And then what happens after the hour? Stop's working. What stops working? Everything except phone calls. You can get phone calls in. An hour of total use. See, I need that, but I can't find anything like that. So how does she not be able to turn off? Cause you have the password. off because you have the passwords for it. Yeah. Oh, so I just don't give yourself the chance to do the passwords. What do you mean? Just just put it on an hour and when the hour's on over just accept it in your head. That's not going to happen. Wow. That's crazy talk. Jamie, it's just plain to him. That's crazy talk. Doesn't work. I know. An hour for a kid, maybe. No matter what the time limit is, as soon as you see like your time's up, you should go, oh, well, let me finish sending this one thing. I'm hoping that Bert and Tom both say that we cheated already because we're smoking. I know we're good. Dude, the first year, I'll take everybody to dinner somewhere. Somebody said kambucha. They were like, kambucha. Are you like, guys, do tell me right now I'm just cheating because I'm done. It's cool. I'm out. One of the great things about our contest is there's no real ramifications other than talking shit. You know, like Bert came in last, but what happened to him? What happened to him? Nothing. Nothing. We just talk. We just talk him. All I do is talk shit and then dealt with no repercussions. We all knew that we couldn't lose to Bert. That was a massive motivating factor for everyone, including Tom. Everyone, Tom came back and he ran 13 fucking miles. He was done on injury. He was done. He was sick. He got really sick. He got a clue. Yeah. Yeah. And he came back and the day back, he ran 13 fucking miles to try to catch up. And he did catch up and pass him. What are you doing? Is there a belt this year? No, the belt stays. Second belt. I feel like there's no belt because there's not a competition this year. This is the problem. We're going to explain this, folks on the sober October podcast, which is right after this. But the problem is we didn't none of us have the time for the competition. I can't go crazy. Why? What's different from this year to last year? I'm too busy. Is question. Yes. Is your schedule not exactly the same as it was last year? More podcasts, for sure. Oh, you're doing more podcasts. Yeah, more podcasts and other various activities outside of the podcast. And then the heat that I took from my family. Like my kids didn't see me for a month. Yeah. That's why I thought I had some sort of chance to have to be home. But I forgot that you guys also have gyms in your home. Yeah, I have a full gym. I had that 24 hour gym I would go to. That's pretty good. Yeah, on the way home from cell, that's why I got some nice points. Yeah, that's a good move. Well, you when you first figured out that you could just watch a movie and that that distracts you enough to do cardio and you can get some good numbers. Oh, that's pretty smart because that does distract the shit out of you. It makes it way easier. Yeah, I would just post my workout would just be the movie that I watched. Did I'm already high from the cigar? I feel like I feel like we're out. This episode is presented by Searchlight Pictures, Wild Horse Nine. 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Ari Shaffir is a stand-up comedian and also hosts the podcasts "Ari Shaffir’s Skeptic Tank" & "Punch Drunk Sports" both available on Spotify.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices