in this episode of Movie Torture, the guys are joined by The First Lady of Movie Torture to chat about the movie 'Cocaine Shark' which is Hannah's second time watching a movie with Cocaine in the title. They also talk about other shark movies and the platforms on which they are available. The conversation covers topics such as the choice of streaming platforms, the quality of movies on Tubi, and personal preferences for movie genres. In this conversation, the hosts discuss their thoughts on the movie 'Cocaine Shark.' They express their disappointment with the film, criticizing its bad acting, graphics, and overall quality. They compare it to other movies they have watched on their podcast and conclude that 'Cocaine Shark' is the worst movie they have ever seen.
Movie Torture
Cocaine Shark with The First Lady of Movie Torture Hannah
(upbeat music) - You come to another edition of "Movie Torture." It is hot, it is July. I know many of you are listening to this, while you're sitting inside with pool, with your little trip with umbrella, you got your sunscreen on, you're watching the kids jumping out and splashing you, but you know, that's just what I've been smothered about. This mop is about sharks. And I'm so excited to tell sharks, what's the the sharkiest people I know? - Where did you go this? What kind of pool fancy are you living in, man? I'm splashing a stick, it's glass of water, and that's a lot of people. - Do you want to use "Movie"? I don't appreciate being in the fact that I'm doing shark. - Oh my gosh, shark is a- - Well, there was no shark in this movie, bro. Not here with Brad and the First Lady of "Movie Torture." - What's up, Roger? Hannah, as always, good to have you here. Even in these unforeseen circumstances that you have been placed in to be here today, yeah, we're in shark months right now. You know, discovery has shark week, movie torture has shark month, and there is a plethora of shark movies, and to be hassable. - Yeah, I feel like to be has all of the bad movies. (laughing) That's why they're- - Okay, let me ask you this, Hannah. If you and I made a movie. - Yeah. - Yeah. - In the only platform that would show our said movie is to be. - No. - I would feel like the movie sucks, right? - Yeah, we are sucky by association. I will just only release it on YouTube before I'll put it on TV. - Really? Isn't there some pretty good movies on TV? They have some blockbusters on TV, right? - Yeah, some things. Well, some things that have been on TV and the other streaming services and they're coming, they're 10, 15 years old, stuff like that. - Hold on, hold on. Central Intelligence, that's a good movie with The Rock. - Okay, that is. - Captain Ron is a future movie torture with Kurt Russell. - We should definitely do that. You ever see that, Rod? - Some Scarface is on to be a rush hour. - They got some good stuff, point break. Mr. and Mrs. Smith, man, they got, they're really, not as barely as brats, not cops. They got some good stuff. I mean, you're right, they're kind of old, but if we had a new movie and they were like, Roger, Brad, Hannah, movie tortures, Sharkopolis is going to be, I'd be like, man, that stinks. I was hoping we would get Netflix. - Or Hulu or something. I would even take Prime and TV. - Where do you rank the Prime movies, Hannah? In the Prime made for Prime movies, where do you rank those in the streaming service platforms? - I haven't watched a lot of, I don't think any of the stuff that's made for Prime, maybe they've had one or two good shows, but for the most part, the free movies that are included with Prime, I feel like they all suck. If you want any of the good ones, you have to pay for them. - True, but if you had a movie, let's say movie torture made a movie, would we want it to be on Netflix, Hulu, Peacock, Paramount, or Max? - Oh, that's hard, those are all good ones. - I know, which one would you think we'd get the most eyeballs on? - Bilets. - I mean, you'd get the most eyeballs on Netflix. - You see, I feel like we would just, went to the-- - Into the abyss of movies. - It owned Netflix. I feel like we could stand out more on the Paramount Plus. - It all just depends on how good we are, because Netflix still has a lot of hit shows, and when they hit, they hit, so let's just have to have to bring the quality content. - Yeah, I think you're right. I would go Netflix or Peacock's not bad, but they don't do a lot of made for Peacock movies. They're all like theatrical movies and stuff. So let's go, let's disagree with Netflix. But Toobie's the worst, Toobie and Pluto. Worst of the bunch. But there is a movie, okay, so I was over at Bee's house with her family, Bee from Breaking News of Brad and Bee, and her husband showed me who's been on movie torture, Justin, if you wanna listen to Justin, go back to episode three, I think it was three, Raj. - The bench warmers, he was on there. He said we should do Lava Lantula. - Lava Lantula, what even is it? - Now, this movie is about a lava volcano that explodes, and out of it comes tarantulas. - Nah. - Yo, it looks good. It's got Steve Gutenberg in it from Police Academy, and the dude that does all the voices from Police Academy. - These are big tarantulas. - Oh, we can do this. - Oh, no. - It's Sharknado, it's comedy. It's like Sharknado with tarantulas. - That's not funny. I'm looking at the tarantula, it's not funny. - We should do that one. - No, no. - He wants to do it. - He wants to do it. - Nah. - That's gonna be him. - Did you hear that? - No. - Guard me when I first watched Lord of the Rings and saw the giant spiders in there, I can't. - Lord of the Rings, are you in the Lord of the Rings, Raj? - I lost him the first time around. They're not moves that go back and I watch again. - See, it was our New Year's tradition. We would watch all of the Lord of the Rings movies. - Oh my gosh, you mean three New Year's Day, y'all would watch the first second and third one? New Year's Eve, you'd watch the first and third one. - Yeah, mainly when we were younger, like younger teenagers because it felt cool to be able to stay up all night watching them, so that was just our tradition. - I went to the theater and saw all three of them, and I didn't want to go to the third one, but I forced myself because I'd seen the first two. - Yeah. - And it had like 55 endings. I kept thinking, it's over and then it's not. It's over and then it's not. - Third one was the one I fell asleep. That's not probably halfway. - Oh my gosh. - I do think I like the Hobbit movies a little bit more than the Lord of the Rings, but I like, I really like all movies like that. Like all the Lord of the Rings series, all the Chronicles of Narnia, all the ghosts was there. Got one of my bookshelf behind me. - Harry Potter's? No, you couldn't watch Harry Potter's a cute one. - No, when I was younger, but when I was older, I did. I found a podcast where the guy would recap what the books said, so I didn't have to read the books. So I would listen to each book and then I'd go watch the movie and have like the little charcuterie board to myself. It was great. - Oh, that's kind of cool. - I like it. - If anybody, a movie that I got some good Z's in Rods, I mean, I got some good, a good power nap in this movie is Avatar. That's a good movie to get a power nap in. - I've never seen them, except the new one. The newest one just came out, I watched, but I haven't seen the other ones. - Well, there's only one other one. - Is it really? There's not a bunch of them? - No, there's just two so far, but the first one I saw in IMAX and man, I got some really good sleep in that movie. It is a boring movie. - I didn't want to. - I don't want to do that on movie torture, 'cause for one, it breaks my rule of an hour and 30 minutes, 'cause it's like three hours and 30 minutes. It's really long. It's like three of this crap we just watched in Rods. What is the movie? Can you call it a movie? - No. - We'll talk about it, we'll talk about it. This one was called cocaine shark, which originally was supposed to be called narco shark, but when they heard about cocaine bear coming out, they decided to change it to cocaine shark before cocaine bear came out. - Mind you, there's no cocaine in it. - Yeah. - Wait, this movie came out before cocaine shark? - No. - Yes. - Cocaine bear? - Yes. It came out before. - Yeah, because it was released in the United States on July 7th of 2023. - Oh, what's after? - Yeah. - No, that's before. - Yeah, I think, okay. - Yeah, I might change it after the success. - Wait, no, when did cocaine bear come out? - It was released February 2023. - Okay, 'cause we did that last year. Pan as the cocaine bear. - Released in Japan in January 2023 before cocaine bear, but they released it in their Japanese name, which translated to crab shark. - They were actually trained. - I think they were filming cocaine bear while they were filming this movie, which only took five to six days to finish. I know that surprises you, that the quality of this cinema was growing in six days. - Wait a minute, like, I think this movie sets the record for quickest movie filmed on movie torture, right? It has to be. - Yes. - Yeah. - Six days. I don't think, yeah. That's not one. - I've seen high school. I've seen high school productions that were higher quality than this. - The videos my brothers and I used to make on our flip phones growing up were higher quality than, and more entertaining than this. - Yeah. - And I had no warning. I normally watched the previews before I watched the movie. I had no idea. So I turned this on in my living room while my roommate is home. Five minutes ago, I'm like, I am embarrassed to be around other humans watching this. This is so bad. - It? - Yeah. - Yeah. - It was terrible. - We can't, well, we're gonna figure that out then. But do you want the synopsis of this movie? Do you have any stats on this movie, Raj? Anything you want to add? So the listener can go watch this on Tubi 'cause they're going to be down on it. - There was no box office or budget listed anywhere. - Oh my gosh. The budget had to be $60 on it right now. It was $50 on this. - Yeah, it was pretty bad. I mean, it was directed by Mark Eplonia. - It's good work to the best buy. - Who also entered through that. Who also did a bunch of other stuff. Produced it, directed it, you know, everything else. - How much did he spend on it? - I couldn't find that anywhere. - Yeah. - Japan, it was, the title was Tansami Shukaraba. So yeah, it was, and there's no actual sharks in the movie and there's no cocaine. Well, there's a scene with cocaine in little baddies. It has nothing to do with the plot of the movie. - That's when the guy comes in and shoots 'em, right? - Yeah, bing, bing, bing. I heard a cat guns that were louder than the gun that guy used to be. - Oh my gosh. - Wow, pow, pow, pow, pow. - I just found a picture of the shark head cusp. - Thank you. (laughing) - So bad. - It looks like it has paper teeth. Horrible drawing of some red bloody gums. (laughing) - Oh, oh, it's amazing. - Yeah, it was, so yeah. There are no actors in this movie that you could say, hey, I've seen this guy in this before. I didn't see people that I've seen in commercials. The last movie we did, "Thanajals," at least one of the people I've seen at least in some commercials and stuff are a bit actor, but these guys, these guys were horrible. I mean, just, yeah, it was bad, it was bad. So everything from the pop guns to the young. Well, I guess we need to go to the map synopsis. - This made me the fastest. It's not just right, it ever does. - I'm a mafia jugglord release. I'm reading this 'cause it's so hard to release the addictive stimulus on HD 25, which calls side effects. You see this dude laying in a hospital bed with a power beard, man. He has one of the best beards we've seen on movie torture. And basically a weird shark and a shark with crab legs is killing, but you don't really see much. It's so hard. And then power beard shaves his power beard. Weirdly, it's gone. - Terrible. - I'm so confused. I don't know what else to do. And then it goes back. He lays in the bedding, narrates everything. I feel like, well, I gotta get to the narration. - Right. - But at the end of the day, it's over, it's so hard to describe this movie. There's no cocaine where we had fun talking about cocaine bear because first lady, you loved cocaine bear. You gave it a movie gold. I remember that. - It was a great movie. - I said movie torture. It's definitely movie torture. - No, definitely not heard this either. No, they're in the way. - Oh my gosh. This is a movie masterpiece. Like cocaine, there's a masterpiece. - Between the two movies is in the other one. There was actually a bear. I was actually okay. - Yeah. - We were actually in the good school and their presentation is a movie. - But when you look at the poster for this movie, it looks like a good poster. I think if I'm getting into this is the poster. - Yeah. - At what point do you see this ever in this movie? - No, that's the best shark you see is in the movie. - There's a helicopter in here. There's a big old boat in here. We've never saw that big boat that big, did we? - No, we've never seen it. - I don't even remember seeing a helicopter. - Well, I don't remember seeing the cocaine look like that either. - There wasn't a cocaine. There wasn't a shark that looks like that. - There wasn't a storm. - I remember a helicopter is when they're showing the first scene in the movie. And you can actually, they're doing the overhead of the beach scene. And you can hear the helicopter, like you can hear the background. - Yeah, I remember that. - Yeah. I was quality. Quality sent in. - They're actually showing the helicopters and they used to film the seats. They couldn't get a picture of the shark without the helicopters in the background. It didn't have the time to edit it out. So that's how they got this cover from the movie. - Okay, I'm gonna be, Hannah, I wanna be the guy making the movie. I want you to ask me about this. I'm gonna tell you I'm making the movie and then I want you to ask me about the stuff in that photo. Okay, I got a movie. I'm pitching, it's called "Cocaine Shark." I think it can be big. We got the bear happening. I think this movie will rock. Do you have any questions? Movie, torture, producer. - It kinda looks like from this cover photo for the movie, it looks like at some point the shark eats the cocaine, much like in "Cocaine Bear" that you're trying to capitalize off of. Does that happen in the movie? - Okay, well, we're trying to be a little kid friendly. We wanna be a TV 14. I know the "Cocaine Bear" is an R-rated movie. So we're gonna keep it down. You're not gonna see a lot of powder and if you do, it's gonna be sugar. It's gonna look really weird. We're gonna have one scene. One scene, I'll give you one scene. What's another question you have? - Okay, well, it looks like it's gonna be a very high action movie. It looks like there's some helicopters. - Lots of action. - There's less. Looks like there's some, maybe some stormy seas going on with a really big boat. Are y'all smuggling cocaine? Is that part of the storyline? - No, there's no smuggling. I will say there's not gonna be a storm. We can't afford that budget. So we're just gonna have a shark that's gonna look scary. It's gonna look scary. - A whole shark? - Well, okay. Well, my buddy down the street, he created a shark head. Well, his kid did in fifth grade. It looks good. It's a shark head. The teeth, it's kind of scary. It scared my three-year-old. So I think we can use that to save money. You like saving money, right? - Yeah. Sometimes, I'm just not sure. How much money are you saving? - Well, can we borrow a helicopter? Do you know if we can steal one? If we could steal a helicopter, I will put it in there at least to give an overhead shot of my son's fifth grade friend's shark head. - I'm sure if you bribe with enough cocaine and threaten with enough vicious sharks, you could get as many helicopters as you want. You could even get three 'cause that's how many you have in the poster. - We don't, like I said, we're not gonna be big on cocaine. We're not gonna be big on sharks. And we're not gonna be big on the helicopter, but the name cocaine shark, I'm telling you, it's gonna be a winner. - So you would say, just to clarify, that the poster for this movie is entirely accurate for what people will be getting out of this movie. - I think in their mind, they're gonna wanna see that stuff. So when they're watching it, they can visualize. Look, and I can also shoot this movie. - Visual effects, sorry, that's up to you. That's in the eye of the older. - I'm gonna have my fifth grader edit the movie, and I'm sure he'll think it's good, but I'll shoot the movie. Here's the great thing. I'll shoot it in six days. We'll have it done. - You can release it in seven days. What do you think, Rod? Is that a good pitch? Did you like that? - Yeah, I'll tell you what, man, that's classic. That's classic film work there. - Oh my gosh. So maybe when I started-- - What, that's pulling through me off is that in one of the very first scenes when they go into the lab, at first glance, it looks super high-tech. 'Cause he has like the glass tablet that he's pressing on stuff. And you can see, it looks like it's very futuristic. And then they go over to the computer. And it looks like it's a keyboard from 1995. And I'm like, "Where are we high-tech? "Are we back in the 90s?" - Yeah. They pick it up at the Goodwill. - Yeah, definitely. - You could hear the, when you know you used to get on the internet and you would hear the beep in the background. Best year, or logging on to the internet. - Oh my gosh. - The lighting, it looked like they borrowed some ring lights to illuminate people's faces when they were filming. - And when they were getting high on that drop, what did she say it was? - Oh, I have the entire description. You wanna know what that drug was? A powerful narcotic taken from the glands of marine sharks. HT25 is the first class of a new generation of pharmaceutical substance, making use of powerful and specific psychotropic chemicals enhanced with nanobot technology. Biological metamorphosis can be accomplished while avoiding the emotional stress that would normally accompany such radical tissue transformation. I feel like they just tried to fit as many smart words in there as they could and were like, "This is the drug." - But I'm talking about when they, after they had cuddled air quotes and they were laying in bed, she turned like assessing getting high. She had, she used a weird term to like, didn't say like drop ass, like, you know, they say drop ass or whatever. She used, I can't think of the term that she used for them to take the drug. I thought it was just really weird. - I don't remember that. I didn't write it down. - Yeah, but that was the point of them snuggling in bed. - Yeah, I'm not sure. I'm just, yeah, they did snuggle and they did drop. They dropped acid. Did that turn him into one that was he? I'm confused. Was that guy shark? - See, in the, for the first time they did it, I wondered if it was turning him into a shark because then after that, they had the scenes with all the bloody people toward the last scene, you know, it shows him like, attacked with a shadow of like a shark. - In the face of shark, I think he's the shark. - I think, I think here's what happened, is they got no sugar from white and I said, listen, we've ran him money. We got to give the cameras back to the place we really didn't from. This is how we run out of this. - We really cameras from Kinko's. - From white? - Kinko's, you never heard of Kinko's? - Office plays, yeah. - What was that? - Where would you write cameras from? I don't know what, from the library. We read it from the library. - Costco, Sam's Club, you know. - No. - They probably bought cameras there, so they had to return them from the return policy. - Yeah, fully fun. - Watch you know the wrong wedding dresses, you know. - Don't mess that up. Aw, crap, you let that shark mess the camera up. - Yeah, don't drop the camera, so return them. - Don't drop the camera. No, do you have HT25? (laughing) - I sat in my bed wondering, what am I gonna do now? I'm a police officer. I'm a man of the law. I have a power beard. - This beard is amazing. - It's pretty gnarly beard, I was great. - I always love to have that beard. - The clearest, best-lit scene of the movie is when the briefcase falls into the ocean. - Oh my gosh. - They're in the sandy beaches of Florida where the water's really clear and you can see everything. - Okay, Raj, if me and you're on a boat and there's a shark around, and we know about said shark, and we drop a briefcase, you look at me, you're like, you're gonna get that, I'm like, I'm not gonna get in that briefcase, are you crazy? I mean, there's no winning in this situation. We got out though, right? Did he make it? - Yeah, he made it. - My thing would have been, I'm gonna die either way, so you might as well shoot me and let me fall in the water. - Yeah. - And then the shark will eat me up while you're getting the briefcase, you know? - Yeah, I would rather be shot than eaten by a shark. That's the biggest, that's the biggest. - Yeah. - I'd better have that as my fate. - I always don't want you to get what you want if you're threatening to kill me, so. - Yeah. - You still gotta go get it yourself. - Yeah, you're not gonna shoot me 'cause you know you need it. So I'm gonna be like, I'm not gonna get in that. You just shoot me. - 'Cause I don't think we have described these creatures that were a side effect from coming up with this drug. 'Cause this is our big part of the movie and we haven't talked about this. - Is it the crabs? The crab thing? - Okay, well there was, there were a few different creatures. There was like some kind of, they were all a mix of two things. - Yeah. - So there was a crab thing. It looks like a spider bat in one of them. And then there was the shark that was also part man. And then there was a big crab shark octopus looking thing. They're all terrifying but also terrible looking. - Wait, were you scared of those, Hannah? - No, the idea of it I guess is terrifying. They look nasty. - They don't look real at all. - Like you are not scared in this movie, please, Hannah. - I was embarrassed. The main emotion I felt was embarrassment. - Yeah, let me ask you this really fast. This is an important question. Producer, if PG had watched this, I don't wanna ask him this. If you go on a first date and you go out with a guy and he's like, man, I want you to watch this movie with me. You're gonna love it. You're gonna love this movie. And it turns out to be, well, say cocaine shark, is that a deal breaker? - If he genuinely believes this is the height of-- - Like he likes this better than cocaine shark. - Cocaine bear? - Or cocaine bear. Yeah, I can't keep cocaine stories right again. - No, it's a note from me. - You would break up with him. - Especially if he'd seen it before. If he'd seen it before, I said, hey, I don't like this movie. Yeah, I need you to watch it with me. - Kristen, Kristen Burt, is an entertainment reporter. She came on work advice with me. And Roger and me and PG recorded Santa Jaws and I sent her a personal message and I'm like, hey, Kristen, you need to watch Santa Jaws to be sent her the link. I wanna hear what she thinks about Santa Jaws, but I don't think I would subject her to this one. I feel like she would block me. I feel like she would block me. She would not read, 'cause she's good at me and her chat back and forth a lot about movies. I feel like she would block me. This is like a deal breaker. What do you think? - Yeah, 'cause this 10 minutes in, I started looking at the clock and I was lying. Man, there's still like an hour and 10 minutes so left of this movie. - I cannot-- - It was only an hour and 11 minutes. (laughing) - I think it was one minute more than I did that. - Oh my gosh, this was the shortest movie we've ever done on movie torture. Like, short but-- - I didn't realize it. - Short, 'cause it felt very good. But I was so confused when I started watching it because you said in our group text, you were like, you did cocaine beer so we gotta do cocaine shark. And I was expecting something of similar-- - Yeah, with like actors and a plot and-- - Actual movie. - Okay, my biggest gripe, Roger, you might remember this with the Meg 2. Hannah, did you do the Meg 2 with us? - I did not, I heard about it. - There wasn't enough sharking in that movie. You know, you wanna see a shark movie. We didn't get the sharking. In this movie, not enough cocaine. We need to see the cocaine in the shark. 'Cause you're right, the bear snorts the coke and then he starts killing the people. Like, that's the joke. There's no joke in this movie. It's not even humorous. - No, there's no movie is the joke. - I guess the joke's on the viewer. That's who the joke's on. 'Cause they lost an hour and 12 minutes of their life watching a six day film movie. It's weird, but-- - I would show this movie to my brothers. And like, if we were just having a sibling hang out, I was like, yo, we're gonna make fun of this movie. 'Cause it's not terrible, it is. - It's hard-- - 'Cause I'd watch this again. - It's hard to make fun of though. 'Cause it's so bad, you're just like watching it going, I don't even know, I can't understand it. The narration hand, Roger. The narration was horrible in this movie. That guy would put you to sleep. - Yeah. - He's an ambient, waiting to, I mean, he's a free ambient. - I think the people who did this movie said, hey, let's make an example of the worst movie ever made. Like, bad plot line, bad sound, bad visuals, bad camera work, bad sound effects. And let's, we'll shoot for that. That's gonna be your goal to be the worst ever at everything. - If that was their goal, they would've been, they'd've hit the mark with this one. - I don't even know what the, who, what was the guy's name with the beard? I don't even know his name. - I'm trying to-- - You can't look him up on, you can't, there's no photo of this guy. - I'm Dylan, baby, I don't know. - Captain Dylan? - 'Cause he was a-- - I don't see a Captain Dylan in the, in the cast. Is it, is it Gerosco? Can Van Sant, it's gotta be him, right? Can Van Sant, I'm gonna search him on the Insta's and see if this is him. - The Insta's? - Can Van Sant, I wanna get this guy, I mean, no, not him. I don't think he's on Insta's-- - I'm scared how little comes up about the cast when you Google it. - Yeah. - It's also really funny that they, they call this horror and action. - No, can Van Sant is not, is not the actor. It's not that guy's it. It's Titus, nope, not Titus. - What about Kevin College? - I mean, I love how Fuente, maybe it's Fuente, Ryan Dalton. - I'm pretty sure that's not the white guy. - It's not. So none of us know who the guy was. I mean, I'm sure this is very great listen for the people listening to our podcast right now. - No, it's embarrassing. I'm telling you, it's embarrassing. This movie is quite the narration along. Okay, where did his beard go? What, did he have to shave his beard for a job interview and just didn't care? Or what, like, is it, we're going to stick to his shooting. He shaved the beard for their date. - I guess. - He looked white for their date? - I was like, yeah, I will make him a truth out, yeah. - He, no, he didn't say it, but he showed, he knew they were going out. And so he showed up to the date. - 'Cause I can't thank that. Who's the guy? - Yes, this random dude come from. - I'm thinking that too, Roger. I'm like, is this the guy with the beard? I couldn't remember. - Yeah. His hair looked awful, he just, he looked better before. - That was a power, I wish I could have a beard. If I had a beard like that, my gosh. - All my brothers had beards like that. And it is so funny to me how, how envious men are of it. - Yeah, it was, yeah, it was crazy. Roger, you kind of remind me of a guy in this movie. Like a younger Roger with long hair, the dude that goes on the date. Hannah, you know who I'm talking about, right? - Like a guy who goes on the date? - Yes, he goes on the date. - Is he a beard man? - He looks kind of like, he looks kind of like, not this guy. - He's like, I don't see the boss man. - He's the one that, he goes on the date. Oh my gosh, is it this guy? Ken, is it Ken Van Sands? - I don't know about his names because it's so hard to find them on Google. - Yeah, it's Ken Van Sands. I think it's this guy. - I can't see, that's a lot of boy. - Hold on. Maybe not this guy. I don't know. - I thought it was at the cabin holding the bro hostage. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I thought you were talking about, yeah. - Maybe that's it. Maybe that's it. Hold on, I'm pulling up the cut of the engine. This guy. - Yeah. - The boss man. - That's what I'm saying. - This is not your bad guy. - You kind of reminds me of you a little bit with hair. When you had hair, I always think about your long flowing red hair. - Don't do roger like that. - You don't do roger like that. - Don't do roger like that. - Oh, your little buddy's throwing shots fired by me. - I can't tell you. - Hey, this movie, there's not even much that's talking about in this movie. It is, it's hard to describe. Like if you want to watch this on Toobie, you can subject yourself to it. I wouldn't recommend it to do this, honestly. I mean, we're really showing our hand early in this, but. - Yeah. - One of the first notes I wrote was that the best part of this whole movie was the three minutes of credits at the beginning. - Wait, I need to turn it in. - There was three minutes of credits in an hour and 16 minute movie. - The credits were so long and they were at the beginning. I was like, can we get? And the only way, the only way you should watch this movie is if you take the HT25 while you're watching it, you know, to give you some kind of a lot. - Don't do that. You might turn into a man shark. - Yeah. - What'd you do if you saw a shark walk another day? - Big Maui? - Would you take HT20, would you, if somebody said, "Here's a pill, you can turn it into a killer shark." Like, I feel like there's people that would do that. - Oh yeah, there are people who would do that. - It's so cool. - There's no way I would do that. I'm not wanting to turn into a shark. And there's a shark like, does it need water? We don't, is this an ocean town? I mean, do we even know if it's an ocean town? - Not really, 'cause the only time that show water was when they get on the lake to go to the house in the middle of the woods. - It's a lake, there's not even an ocean. Again, we have a lake problem, Roger. We had the same problem as Sanajals. It was a lake. Like, why are we taking the great whites and putting them in lake water? Why don't we leave them in the ocean? And we'll understand that, it's weird to me. - It sounds like they were, it was me to be set like a New Zealand. - What? - What? - There are kiwis, there's nobody that was kiwi. - That makes no sense. - Yeah. - Like zero sense. Roger, did you take some HT25 before we started? - This is what I'm reading in here and said, after the announcement of the film "Cocaine Bear," which was based on the two story, users of social media discussed a potential sequel film called "Cocaine Shark." Based on a story reporting that cocaine was intercepted in the Pacific Ocean by New Zealand authorities. - That would be a better movie. - If we did, okay, if we thought cocaine shark, I would think cocaine shark would be a shark eats a drug boats cocaine. Like, it just comes in and it starts chowing now, but now it's attacking the ships that are on the ocean. I mean, it's like rare and it's coming in there and just vital. That would've been a way more exciting movie. 'Til like, now you got these people scared of the shark and it keeps spreading. More and more sharks are eating the cocaine. So now the ocean's full of cocaine sharks. That'd be better, right? - Yeah, well, anything would be better than this movie. - Yeah. - I don't think anything. - I mean, watching Roger take a nap would be better than. - Awesome. The monsters in this were huge. That monster would be killed on land. I did not realize until that moment that it was supposed to be that big. I think when it even fit in the lake, the lake wasn't deep enough for that. - That monster would've had a bad life in the lake or I'd have been like, why am I in this lake? I don't understand, I need to be in the ocean. - Barely would've been covered by water. That thing was huge and it wasn't very deep when they sent the guy diving down for the suitcase. - Oh yeah, he went down and got, I mean, I would've told him I couldn't swim. - What? - I can't swim. You're gonna throw me, I'm gonna drown. So you need to go get it. So I don't know. Roger, do you have any like reviews on this movie? - Well, yeah, they were a handful. Let's go time to be deep 'cause there were a wide spectrum of reviews and the people that gave good reviews either had to be extremely high or a little slow. They wrote that short list slow. I mean, sorry. So one guy said the title of his review was not enough sharks on cocaine. Another one said this movie was the worst thing I've ever seen. He said he didn't wanna give it to a store but he had to give it one or it wouldn't take. Then another said it was a disaster of a movie and it just basically did tear it apart. No one said de-grained psychedelic absurdity and then one guy said cocaine bear was trash. Now what is this, a super trash? - First of all, disrespectful to cocaine bear. - And one guy said he titled his not high enough. He says no pun intended. I really tried to avoid giving one out of 10 possible. I'm accused of being too nice when it comes to reading movies. I just couldn't. So yeah. - What shocked me is that it's not this way anymore. Just in the last few days, it has changed but the day that I watched this movie on IMDB app for the parents guide for this movie, it said sex and nudity, severe, violence and gore, severe, profanity, severe, alcohol, drugs and smoking, severe, frightening and intense scenes, severe. I'm like, well it didn't have any of those things. What are you talking about? - I feel like, I got some reviews that's gonna blow your mind. I feel like, at least people had to be trolling us on the reviews. Abby Clark wrote eight months ago, five stars. - Out of five. - I watched this movie last week for the first time and let me tell you, I haven't stopped thinking about it since. The ending left me completely shocked and I just had to give it a five star rating. I can't even remember the last time I watched a movie that's good. The writers really knew what they were doing and the dedication and attention to detail is phenomenal. I absolutely love this movie with my whole heart. - That sounds like sarcasm. - Lila. - That's amazing. Lila Oliver writes, this movie is phenomenal. I've never seen anything better. The editing skills are like mac or macula. It also looks really realistic. It's entertaining. It seems like this movie is made in 3,000. I haven't been watching it. I have 30 minutes in and I'd like to see you like, I would like to see you like four hours in more of this movie. And then Caroline Murphy writes, absolutely fabulous was filmed on a Nokia 3310. She knows what it was filmed on. The shark is-- - How do you know if it works in an iPhone? - I don't know. Is that worse than an iPhone? - Yes. - I could have filmed a better quality movie using cinematic mode on my phone. - The shark was very relatable. - Just, I like she's traveling it, this is hilarious. - The acting needs an Oscar award. I'm going to watch this again. It's that good. Makes jaws look like goldfish. - That's fake. This has to be sarcasm, right? - Best movie ever says Siga. The CGI was the best, so good. Totally does not look like a toy shark and does not look like they're recorded in a basement. - People are trolling, 100% they're trolling. - I love reading it. Best movie hands down, looks realistic and got me on the edge of my seat, looking forward to cocaine shark too. I kind of like reading the trolls better than the movie. - One guy said that he said it was amazing to how it's in. When the very end, he says in conclusion, the movie was terrible. They had not anything a bad graphic for watching it, but other people makes it more sunny. - I agree with that. That's what I'm saying. I would watch this as my brother's to make fun of it. I think that would be a marious experience. - Nan ladies has literally the best thing ever failed. I can't recommend this movie enough. - I love the sarcasm that people give. Like this is a Hannah First Lady movie torture movie goal. - This is movie torture. This might be the worst thing that I've ever watched in my life. That's so bad. So very, we're watching this as people in the house. That's what they're going to judge me. They get I just, on a casual Tuesday, sit down and watch stuff like this. - I know, at Texas, have you watched it yet? You're like, no. And then you said I'm embarrassed to be watching this right now. - Oh, Raj, movie torture movie goal. - This was extreme torture of the... - It's like, um... - Yeah, the thing cutting the fingernails off, waterboarding. - Yeah, waterboarding for sure. - The jumper cables on the nipples, it was that. - I actually would prefer any one of, or all three of those things before watching this movie again. - Roger, did this movie, I figured this might happen. And I don't know if you'll be men up to admit it or not on the podcast. But did this movie make Santa Jaws look like a masterpiece? - Yes. I'm not in my head. Yes, for those of you. - You don't like Santa Jaws, but I figured that Santa Jaws might be the best of the lot this month. - So, I can already give you a preview of my top worst of all time. This is number one, and Santa Jaws is sliding into number two here. - I just think you own Santa Jaws as number two. Santa Jaws is a great movie. I love me some Santa Jaws. Hannah, you need to watch Santa Jaws. You'll laugh and you'll enjoy it. This movie for me, movie torture, this takes the cake. This is the worst movie I've ever seen in my entire life. - Yep. - This does not count as a movie. This counts as friends with a Nokia 3310. Who just got out of prison and decided to do a school project. 'Cause this movie was straight dookie. There was nothing good about this movie. Everything was terrible. They should not have made this movie, and they should, I would not, we would not watch a cocaine shark too. But the only thing I liked about this movie, there was two things, the power beard, I like the power beard, and the runtime. Which, again, if I have to choose, gun to head, watch this movie again, or watch Batman and Robin. I'm taking this movie, 'cause I'm gonna be done sooner. Batman and Robin's over two hours. - Also, this is just more fun to make fun of. You can generally just make fun of this movie. - So, this is a terrible movie, but I'm not gonna say it's the worst movie experience I've had on movie torture. Because this was not as torturous to me as Batman and Robin, or son of the mass. Or, or that long two-hour J-Lo movie that I hate. What was it called? Hannah, you did that with us, right? - What was it? - It's the one where she-- - That's not that plain. - Yeah. - That movie was doogie. It was not good. - That was cold there this. - That was cold. - You were on, you were on some HT-25s right now. - We just liked J-Lo, that's why. (laughing) - Well, you need to get off that HT-25 cocaine and actually get with the real world. This movie was, I would watch this again before I watched that movie. 'Cause Hannah's right, we could make fun of it. - So, who was the Gary, producer Gary in this movie? - Oh my gosh. - I don't even want to be like the Gary. That's some rude. - I don't think he's in the movie, I think I got shot. - Yeah, just take him out so he doesn't have to experience it. - Yeah, I know. - I think Gary's the main guy with the power beard. - Yeah. - Did you see him? - He looks like he didn't pay that. - Yeah, he's just chilling. You know, he's just laying around, he's got the chick. He's a shark. - That's Gary. Gary's the power beard in my mind. - Yeah. - Would Larry the cable guy make this movie better? - No, Larry the cable guy doesn't need to be here. - Who's going to be a shark, babe? - No. - Anyway, for my first lady of a movie, Torture Hannah, for my good buddy Roger. My name is Brad. We will see you next week on "Movie Torture." (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music)